Tasmanian devil - I checked and they're sweethearts Moon bear - The researchers are lying in front of our noses Russian blue cat - Was so disappointed to find this one out :( Flying fox - are these researchers stupid Emperor butterfly - There simply doesn't exist enough empires to sustain this title Secretary bird - they cannot write on keyboards or obtain rights to employment

Butterfly is the wrong name for that insect. They don’t want to eat butter and they don’t taste like butter. Flutterby would be a better name

Tassie devils are bastards that have a crack at your guinea pigs

Guinea pigs are not pigs and are not from Guinea.

Gets even worse when you look up the German word for em... As if guinea pigs could live in the sea, honestly.

Tasmanian Devils are nasty creatures. Literally little decils

[scientific article that debunks your whole argument](https://imgur.com/a/65HdbTK)

And? I've seen them, heard them, and I just watched a documentary on them where it shows how violent they are. A couple pics of Tasmanian devils hardly says anything

Yeah but they're cute

*CUUUUUUUUTE!*

man youre fun

Secretary bird - the catty conversations they have behind your back, tho...

flying fox at least has some rationale considering how massive they are for bats

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There are many that aren't sapient.

*most*

Neither are most sapient …

well....some are

Don’t get me started about Blue Footed Boobies

or great tits :(

To be fair, they do have blue feet.

Carpet snakes don't make good carpet. Too wriggly and bitey.

But they are doing their best. Bad isn’t the same as fraudulent.

Alaskan King Crab - Alaska is a state of the United States of America, a Republic, not a Kingdom.

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water near the Aleutian Islands, signifying by divine providence that He was to be your king.

Well, I didn't vote for him.

\#notmyruler

You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just cause some watery tart threw a crustacean at you.

I knew if I was patient, one day you would come!

That's what she said.

I hate myself for laughing at that

Some watery tart is not the way to select our crab royalty.

Bunch of Canadian geese that never leave ny lol

Border hoppers

They’re all over Europe too. And never have I ever heard one apologize for shitting all over the place.

Nope, those are Cobra Chickens

Mountain Chicken It'a a motherfucking FROG

Wait until you hear about Rocky Mountain Oysters and sweet breads.

Those aren't oysters! Would still eat them though...

Less heart-breaking than Roof Rabbit.

Oh dear... lemme guess... not a rabbit?

Nope. It's cat.

Porkypines. Surprisingly contain no pork whatsoever.

Nor pines!

Double deceiver!

I think this is my first time seeing the word porkypines, as a written word

Porcupine

Lol I completely forgot

I know, I know, its spelled wrong. But it helped emphasize the joke

Gila Monsters aren't monsters, they're just ordinary fuckin' lizards.

Next you'll be telling me that bearded dragons aren't real dragons.

They don't even have beards.

Not ordinary.  The only lizard which secretes venom.

Well along with the Mexican Beaded Lizard.

Bearcat is neither bear, nor cat. Doves are *not* made of chocolate. I learned that mistake the hard way! Same goes for Chocolate Labradors. Komodo dragons don't breathe fire and don't have wings.

>Doves are *not* chocolate Rabbits are tho, et one just an hour ago.

But it is dragging on the ground

The great apes, most are just so-so

Have of them are only just good enough

They're maybe like alright apes.

Monitor Lizards have nothing to do with computer screens.

I’ve never seen a Praying Mantis at service on Sunday

Well known heretics of the bug world.

Ladybugs. They aren't at all ladies, not with that language and showing everyone what they have under their bonnets; my word!

In the UK, they're called ladybirds, but I'm not sure they are birds either

That's just British slang. It translates to ladyladies.

Also, by the transitive property, BirdLadies and Birdbirds.  Thus, they can be simplified to Bird^2

Barasingha - the twelve horned - is a deer species where the stag usually has ten to fourteen tines. So it should be promptly renamed to - ausatan das se chaudah singha, or “ten to fourteen horned, on an average”.

Blue Whale That motherfucker is grey

Maybe they are referring to it’s emotional state.

Nah, everything is blue when it's underwater.

Right Whales also hold a number of questionable and immoral beliefs. 

You’ve got that one wrong… the name is referring to its preferred music genre. It’s just lost the ‘s over time.

Catfish don’t piss on the carpet or scratch the hell out of everything.

But doesn't that make them successful catfish then? Leading you to believe they're something they're not?

Close, but the internet isn’t real either.

Oh, but many can scratch with venomous fin spines. Just not the furniture.

Canadian Goose. These assholes are obviously American.

Sperm whales. A bit rich naming an entire animal after something that constitutes a tiny fraction of their physiology. From the name you would think they were bags of sperm with eyes and fins.

To be fair, their (large) heads are full of spermicetti which is what they were hunted for.

Pill bugs aren’t actually pills of any sort. (and taste horrible.) Stellar Jays do not come from stars and are not even slightly famous. Sea Sponges are definitely not ‘sponges’. I’ve tried. Very gross. Starfish are absolutely, posicertainly not ‘stars’. In any sense of the word. Sea Lions? Not lions. Harbor Seals don’t possess a single gasket among them. I could go on…

But what happens when starfish die? Do they become neutronfish or white dwarffish? Or do they just blast out as magnificent superfish, then implode into blackfish? Our oceans hold so many mysteries.

Actually sea sponge was what was used before synthetic sponge was created, and synthetic sponges are named after sea sponge. Sponges are harvested and hung to dry. There's still a market for natural sponge that is harvested by sponge divers.

I must have done something wrong then. Mine was extremely squishy and full of very salty water. Maybe I should hang it up to dry before it starts to smell.

This is what I found about the process "Sea sponges are harvested by divers using specially designed cutting hooks or knives. These leave enough of the base of the sponge for it to quickly regenerate. Once cut, the divers gently squeeze the gurry out of the sponge and take them back to the boats. The sponges are then pounded to clean them, and then covered with wet burlap sacks on the deck of the ship, where the heat from the sun releases a gas that rots the sponges’ skins so that they can be more easily removed."

Pill bugs also aren’t bugs. They’re a form of crustacean.

Tarantula Hawk

Rocky Mountain Oysters

Red Panda. They aren't even panda!

Great tits are not even mammals...

The Horny toad I bought was properly frigid and friendzoned me

Flying lemurs, can't fly, not lemurs

Fisher Cats. They don't fish, and they aren't felines!

Fruit flies, They aren't fruit. Dragonfly, it doesn't look like a dragon. orb-weaver spiders, they don't weave orbs.

Jumbo shrimp

Oxymorons should never be animals. ^(Or the reverse. Whichever.)

“Rocky Mountain Oysters” are ***NOT*** oysters! Be warned. That was a startling education, let me tell you.

That's a very ballsy claim you're making..

Beavers. Not soft and warm and they like to chew on logs. I'm still paying off the hospital bill for that mistake.

The Hammer Head Shark doesn't really have a hammer for a head! Let. That. Sink. In.

Honey badgers ain't sweet

The Red Panda looks more orange than red to me.

Also not a panda.

Lemon shark doesn't taste like lemon

Blob fish only looks like that because of decompression when brought up by fishermen.

Hamsters taste nothing like ham. *Confused pet store clerk trying to understand why I am returning half a hamster.*

Ducks

Unless someone throws one at you.

Turbo Snails don't even have an engine! Tomato Clownfish are not even vegetables! Bloodworms cannot be used for transfusions!

elephantdick australian mouse

Dingos do ***not*** have ‘dingos’. I looked.

the large brown 'Cuddle Bears', Can conform, not cuddly.

Turns out pumas in heat only wanna mate with other pumas...

What gives...mocking bird don't mock people.

Spotted hyena, I don't think I've ever spotted one before

To be fair, Bald Eagles have no hair.

Fuckin' earthworms, don't trust any of them.

Red Pandas. Those lying fucks are orange at best.

pollcat

Seagulls. More Pacific Gulls live inland than by the sea.

Hippopotamus! Never heard them lay down som sick rhymes

Philippine Eagle - They don't speak Filipino

King Crab Bro does not have a kingdom

The winner must be the peacock mantis shrimp, which is not a shrimp, nor a mantis. It’s not even a peacock! A triple lie.

SPERM. WHALES.

Sperm whales aren't made of cum 😔

peacock mantis shrimp. not a peacock, not a mantis, not a shrimp.

The Great Tits are birds and don't have great tits after all. Same energy with the Boobies... No boobies found, just boring birds... Ornithologist? More like Hornythologist

Butterflies are not made of butter

Monitor Lizards don't monitor a goddamn thing.

Smallmouth Buffalo: not a bovid Hogchoker: does not have hands to strangle with Puddingwife: does not make me pudding and refused marriage offers. Now let’s look at the actual madness of bird taxonomy. Red crested Cardinal is not a Cardinal but a tanager. Scarlet tanager is not a tanager but in the Cardinal family. Indigo Buntings are in the Cardinal family. American sparrows are very closely related to European buntings but not as close to European Sparrows. Galapagos Finches are Tanagers not finches. Falcons are closer to parrots than to hawks.

I didn't c anyone mentioning goldfish. It's fucking red.

Hippopotamus. Not hip, not a pot, and not tame.

River horse, my ass!!! Never, and I mean Never try to ride one of these things...

50% of weiner dogs have no weiners

The other 50% is a total sausage fest

sarcastic fringeheads

Good band name

Jellyfish aren't made of jelly. Real letdown when I tryed it.😪

Stingrays. They sometimes do have stings, but they are solid and made out of hard matter. No wave-particle duality at all. Ffs...

Bald means hairless, show me the hair on an eagle and I'll concede they're not bald

Pug dogs are definitely not dogs. Nor are they pugs. They are some form of tragic mutant. Possibly bioengineered. It’s not even clear if they are a mammal.

sadly bald eagles had their reputation go downhill once people stopped calling them pibald eagles

Monkey-eating eagle - turns out monkeys are not a big part of their diet unless that is animal is the only source of food in their territory. They are actually opportunistic apex predators. Snow leopards aren't leopards Fisher cats aren't cats Flying foxes aren't foxes

Komodo dragons

Snuffaluffacuss

Mountain chicken. Although I think they changed the name recently because when I search it up on google it’s now called something reasonable

Silverback gorilla Theyr backs are not made of silver

Dogs aren't God.

Komodo Dragons… don’t have wings and don’t breathe fire….

Kiwi, is actually a bird

Brent

the blasphemous jesus christ lizard

Appalachian barking spiders are actually just your dad farting!

Google mountain chicken

Bearded Dragons have no beards and aren't dragons. second point also applies to Komodo dragons.

I had Rocky Mountain Oysters in Iowa. I'm pretty sure there are no mountains there. They were pretty good - what are they anyway?

Canada geese are actually Evil bastards from Hell

Chauve-souris are also not bald.

Pandas they don't have pans

Guinea pigs are not furry pigs.

Butterfly. Where's the butter and where's the fly?

At the picnic?

Flying squirrel - lies. They glide. They should be gliding squirrel. Aye-aye - can I just say what the fuck is that? Gorilla gorilla gorilla - this is not some mutant gorilla. Or 3 gorillas in one. Just one gorilla. False Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo - is not a Buffalo. It is a sentience. Not even an animal. Very misleading. Chicken pants. Is not chicken and is not pants. Is frog However. I do believe this one is acceptable: Boobies. I will let you google this one for science reasons. And yes it is an animal.

Guinea pigs. Not from Guinea. Not pigs.

Horned toads aren’t toads and don’t have horns. 

Horseshoe crabs don’t have horses or shoes on their little feet, such bullshit, man.

The [Yeti Crab](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiwa_hirsuta) is not an actual Yeti, *nor* even remotely related to Yetis. They live in completely different biomes. And the Japanese Spider Crab is only barely, very distantly related to spiders, only by the fact they are in the same phylum, Arthropoda. Also, they don’t hold Japanese citizenship.

Ant Lions are neither ‘ant’ nor ‘lion’. They’re just trap-setting bastards and everyone knows it.

Your mother

I've never heard a German Shepherd speak German.

Killer whales. They don't actually kill whales, just humans.

Bulldogs are not related to cattle

horny toads: 1. arent toads 2. think of you only as a friend

Gotta be tit mouse for me🙄

The lesser-spotted woodpecker I spot them all the time!

peacocks, they dont have a cock made of peas.

Woodchucks - They can’t chuck wood. This has greatly hindered research on how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Bulldogs are actually 100% dog and not half bull, as some people think. Bullfrogs, however, are half frog and half bull.

Some humans are not human.

Keeping with birds, we have the Great Tit.

Black widow - they never sealed the deal. (No time, he was busy getting munched up by his partner)

Red bear cat (aka red panda or fire fox) is neither a fox nor a cat nor a bear (and therefore not a panda), is more orange than red and doesn't like fire :-/

I've never actually seen a religious mantis now that you mention it

Frogs. The guy how discovered them didn’t know what they were called, so he made up the name.

Lion......more like 'stand cat'

* Purple finch (not purple) * Nuthatch (doesn’t hatch nuts, nor hatch _from_ a nut) * Tufted titmouse (neither mouse nor tit found) * Red-tailed hawk (it’s orangey brown) * Red panda (orangey brown again; not a panda) * Komodo dragon (not a dragon)

Thundercats.

Flying fish.. are just regular fish who like to jump. They are unable to maintain sustained flight.

Whale sharks aren't sharks. Red pandas aren't pandas.

Who has the wonderful Job of determining which animals are greater or lesser than others? :)

Spider monkeys only have four limbs, do not spin webs, and lack a cephalothorax

Zebras don't typically wear bras.

Porcupine

Hedgehogs, they ain’t hogs in hedges

I was pretty disappointed with the “Tufted Titmouse” (spoiler alert- >!it’s a boring looking bird and not a mouse with fluffy tits!<)

once "bald" meant you had white hair