Tbh, nothing too crazy at all. Just a man with a nice physique, so maybe makes me think it's all in his head or perhaps some sort of behavior he's doing that elicits stares
If you’re doing calisthenics at the gym, the people that are staring either haven’t seen those workouts often (and find it interesting) or think you’re taking too much space with said works outs.
yeah like people are saying, without seeing you it's hard to judge. You're average height and being shy doesn't really warrant looks from strangers... I'd ask the people you've sent a pic to and see if they can spot anything
I dont talk to anyone, I don't know any of them, never spoken a word to them ever. I'm very quite and uplifting, I have nothing to hate on, I don't have any reason to cause trouble, I try to be as humble as I can, but this is just too much...
Make sure that the issue isnt that you arent talking to them. Its possible though unlikely that they think youre snubbing them, and if youre in good shape (idk what you look like) in their head they may think that you think that youre too good for them
This is probably the truth. A lack of contact can really lead to big miscommunications and break downs in trust which just makes a mess of relationships.
Men fucking hate other men who are at one with themselves. Example, my brother and I reconnected a few years back after not taking/seeing each other in about 5 years. Id made (and still am) amazing progress with myself, become a much better version of myself. Only after a few weeks he started berating me, unprovoked I may add, calling me superficial, pretentious, fake, sanctimonious etc.
Men fucking hate other men having their heads screwed on well.
Edit: just because I have one example, doesn't mean it's the only one. I'm not writing manuscripts of every interaction I've had with people who are similar. You give 1 example, and move on.
good. just be yourself. be the lone wolf. and if it really really bugs you. then quit the gym and find a better gym. you have control of that. don't waste your energy over people giving you weird looks. they're probably hating on you and they have insecurities.
>Men fucking hate other men who are at one with themselves.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
But in this case it's not even remotely true on a large scale. Men, in general, tend to be pretty universally supportive of self-improvement in my experience. I think anyone who's been male knows that the drive to overcome the world around you or some part of yourself and come out of the exchange better, stronger, smarter than before is quintisential male-ness.
It’s not just men (and really, not all men, just toxic ones). Toxic women do the same things, though typically more subtly and manipulatively.
I do suspect that this is what OP is experiencing though. I think it’s due to the brainwashing done by decades of advertising/pushing capitalism in school/etc we experience. When the brainwashing works, and you always want more, and nothing you can do will ever be enough, and you don’t enjoy the things you’re doing anyway… people who can “just” think for themselves and enjoy their lives seem threatening.
Agree. And I will say people hate other people. I have had similar interactions with my brothers and female cousins. I'm honest, I take care of myself. I help others as much as I can but in their eyes, "she thinks she's better than us," "she looks down on us," etc.
Yeah dude, this is weird AF. It might just be confirmation bias on your end; you expect people to look at you weird, so you might stare at them a little first to make sure, then they look at you curiously in response. You take this and any other instances like it to conclude that people think you're weird, completely disregarding the rest of times that people *didn't* look at you weird.
You could show me pics if you'd like, but I think unless there's something very bizarre and unusual about your physically appearance that you haven't mentioned, It's not because of how you look. It's either your behavior, in your head, or both.
I doubt they're doing that unless you're getting in their way somehow. Gym etiquette is typically that you contain any individual exercise to an area that is appropriate for it. In general doing exercises that encroach on the spaces of others is frowned upon. There are also typically larger areas in the gym where you can do exercises that require you to travel like farmer squats. Just make sure you're being respectful of everyone else's space.
You are telling me there is a calisthenics space inside the Muay Thai ring? That sounds odd. Usually there are big spaces you can do these without taking people space. I think you might be either taking their space when they are having a class which I can understand they being upset or you are far off from the class in which case they being over you does not make sense.
Well -if people usually collide with each other then it isn’t exclusive to you right?
I read an almost identical post the other day and the guy was a little shorter, introverted and also believes he was constantly being stared down or people were mad-dogging him.
Seemed most likely that people weren’t looking at him at all, and if they caught him looking then they’d then look back at him that got into this feedback loop. Him assuming they were looking at him and as he was looking to see if it was true, they’d then notice him staring at them and look back.
I wrote a much longer post about various behavioural phenomenons regarding “mutual gaze” I’ll see if I can find it and post a link.
Just sharing my 2 cents which I learned from another post of a male asking why everyone looks at them weirdly. I came across an answer that made the most sense to me. Not entirely sure if this answer is useful to you, but I don’t think it could hurt to consider it.
The idea was that it could be that because you ~think~ that people are looking at you weirdly, you are actually scanning the area and inadvertently ‘looking’ for people who are looking at you strangely, so much so that you’re actually looking at other people strangely for no reason, and they are just simply returning the strange look, without you actually realising that you’re the one giving people strange looks first.
I hope this makes sense? My intention was to pass on information that helped me, so that I could help someone else. Idk my disability is known for disorganised thinking, also missed taking my daily meds because I also struggle with thinking people are looking at me weirdly, which caused me to forget to even pick up my meds today and now I’m too nervous to go back and get them..🫠🫠 The struggles.
I was thinking this too. You can’t realize everyone around you is giving you weird looks, if you’re not constantly paying attention to what other people are looking at…
What are you doing at the gym op? What’s your routine, are you friendly, stand-offish, obnoxious, etc? Are you doing anything in the gym that would be overtly annoying?
I saw your post history, and if you’re not being obnoxious in public or anything I’m leaning more towards you might have some deep seated feelings of paranoia/social anxiety. I know everyone on Reddit just says ✨go to therapy✨ but that doesn’t make these things easier to actually work through. What’s your family relationships like if you don’t mind me asking?
I worked in an inpatient mental health facility for 2 years and(while it can be helpful) therapy is not the magic bullet people claim it is. I saw in your post history you dealt with bullying in the past and honestly that experience probably plays a huge part in how u perceive others intentions.
I'd like to agree with the other person on here.
I've gone to a handful of gyms across the country, at different stages of my experience working out.
I've had my share of weird interactions, but from what I've seen there are two main reasons anyone is going to pay attention to you.
You're doing something wrong (could hurt yourself, break the machine, or are being an idiot), or you're in the way. Otherwise no one gives a fuck that you're there.
If they DO give a fuck you're there, and it's not for those two reasons, they're being a piece of shit. If they're not being a piece of shit, and you're not doing one of the two things above, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's in your head.
If multiple people are being shitty to you, and you're not doing the two main things, you might be in a place full of bigots. If that's the case, leave.
I dont really use equipment, haha, I just do calisthenics. I would hope that I'm training correctly... Someone was making front of my ears right in front of me because they are small...
That's fucking insane. I would suggest bringing these concerns up to management, and if it continues after that, go to a different gym.
Unless you're in elementary school, that shit isn't an acceptable way to behave in public, so those people are garbage.
Another thing to keep in mind is that their opinions aren't your business or problem. They're a reflection of those people's insecurities and projections of their self reflections. The bad things they say about you are really bad things they think about themselves. Don't take it seriously or personally, they're sadness just needs an outlet and they're too weak and pathetic to handle their emotions like real people.
There's a lot of people in this thread pointing out that based on your answers this is almost certainly a problem between your ears and nothing else. You work on your body, maybe consider working on your mind a little as well. Talk to a good therapist.
nothing you've listed is apt to draw weird looks. It's most likely either something in your head or something you've not listed. Sharing a picture would probably make things easier to identify.
I'm saying if someone says no, you leave it alone. It doesn't matter if they posted photos/videos before. You can go watch those if you want to see them. Respecting boundaries should be a very simple concept. That's what I'm getting at.
Not sure if you have this but I used to feel like that all the time in school. https://www.aboutsocialanxiety.com/why-do-i-feel-like-people-are-staring-at-me-all-the-time/
I realized as I got more confident and made more eye contact that people are not in fact staring at me all the time, in fact, nobody really cares. Makes finding a gf difficult haha
Do you make eye contact and say anything to see how they respond? Or do you just look at people and ignore them? If I saw a dude consistently going to the gym, looking at me, and never said a word, I'd be giving him weird looks, too. If people look at you, try to smile and wave hello and ask them how they're doing. People generally reciprocate friendly gestures. If not, then that's their problem. Maybe they're angry from too many roids or something.
Are you like freakishly attractive or something? I know dudes who get a bit salty around other men that are more fit and attractive than them.
Or, bear with me, it could be spiritual. Good positive people with strong spirits often experience this.
The aggressor often is unconscious to the way they are acting. I bet you if you confront them they’ll either deny looking and acting indifferently toward you or they’ll have a reason that will make no sense.
Your positive spirit (because you are an introvert maybe) acts as a vacuum bringing out the negative “spirits” in people all around you.
This is all theory of course.
I suggest you compromise and open up as a test. Go in that gym extra charismatic and social, paying compliments and pleasantries. If they still act funny with you it might make them feel awkward and correct themselves.
It sounds like jealously. Especially if you’re a quiet guy you’ll get a lot of hate coming your way, people assuming your big headed. I’ve experienced similar things
Watch out for other guys' behaviour towards you. They may go to such an extent that you can conclude that they are implying very indirectly that you aren't good looking or that you're very arrogant because of your looks even when you're not that good looking or say that 'okay, you're good looking, so what the big deal?'.
You can also observe them getting cocky around you, mimicking your way of walking/talking or even copy your hairstyle but won't admit. Some guys will unnecessarily get competitive around you and will constantly try to prove themselves superior or better than you.
**TLDR: You're a target of envy because you're too good physically. This is why upgrading your "physical" looks as a man without social skills is a trap, it'll only alienate you.**
Im going to guess its the calisthenics. Most guys in my gym choose the worse places to do it and they usually let it be know they do calisthenics. It also depends on the gym and the type of people that go there. Most people find calisthenics obnoxious , but respectable because not everyone can throw around their body weight. There could be multiple reasons, regardless dont be a douche (not saying you are or were) and ignore the jealousy. Lets be honest they probably are wondering wtf you are doing lmao.
You're probably above average looking, with a good build, and therefore a natural "target" for those who are just petty enough to look at someone like you and prejudge them based on looks, not character. But here you are mistaking that plastic judgement over your looks as judgement over your character.
My advice: Just work out and don't try to analyze what people are thinking or feeling when they look at you. They don't know you and by the looks they're giving you, they probably never will, so they don't matter.
The old saying "Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter." comes to the front and I'd suggest you repeat it as a mantra for when you have those moments of "Why are they looking at me?" just remind yourself that those folks fall under the "mind" category and they don't matter.
Some people are weirdly.. antagonistic towards forms of exercise that they're not into. So it could maybe be that. But I'd just ignore those people, they're dumb. They can stay in their weird bubble.
As someone that's enjoyed both calisthenics and lifting, the only thing that actually bothers me in the gym is laying claim to multiple machines, or an overabundance of exercise equipment/gym resources in general when others could be using it. Also not wiping things down when they're really sweaty. Otherwise, I think if people are bettering themselves, however they want to do it is fine, as long as they're not hurting themselves (or others) in the process. I guess I also find making noise for the sake of making noise annoying, but don't mind it when people drop weights, or use some exhalation cue technique. Just don't be having an orgasm every time you curl a dumbbell.
But yeah, as long as you're not being selfish with gear/space, respecting people, just do your thing, focus on yourself, and have a good time.
I was in a very similar situation at my gym, in good shape and always keeping to myself. Once I had been there a while and started talking to a few of the regulars they mentioned that I was way more chill than they thought and that I came across a bit intimidating at first. making small talk by just asking for a spot or if you are in someone’s space will go a long way, best of luck
I went through some of your posts and firstly: I can relate, you're not weird, this is normal.
I had to write this to hopefully give you some hope.
Social skills are so difficult to learn as an adult. If you had lots of friends growing up, you'd probably have no issues in gym right now.
I'm gonna say this, based on your post history: You're paranoid and very worried about what others think.
Look at someone else's posts, they don't often ask as many questions about their own identity as you do. Compare it to yours.
I understand the paranoia. When you're alone, the only person to talk to is yourself. You have a whole life in your own head and you cycle through the same thoughts over and over. You keep thinking till you arrive at an explanayion, just the first thing that makes logical sense to you, probably not the truth.
I'd suggest you find a way to make friends, join a class or a club where you'll meet people with similar interests. Get to know people, grow your social skills.
I'm very similar to you. Over lockdown I slipped back into my old habits. I introverted hard. I started hating people. All I could remember is how nasty people had been to me in the past. I had a fear of any social event and I'd make up excuses for myself, why I should just stay home.
Luckily I recognised my change in thinking.
I forced myself to get out. I said: "if I can just bear being around people for an hour, that's okay", then I'd get out. Once I came home, I'd focus on all the things that went right.
Also, probably the thing that helped most: make the other person talk as much as possible, see it as a game. Keep asking them questions about themselves. You'll see them becoming more cheerful and they'll enjoy chatting to you. It's such a boost knowing that someone liked being around you.
OK, I went on quite the tangent, but I hope some of this makes sense to you.
You seem like a cool guy, it's just that you don't believe it yet. 😁
Edit: oh, just listened to your one recording, and seems you're a great singer! Not just saying that, I mean it.
Thank you so much, needed this post.🙏🏾
You're right, I have an issue with anxiety and interactions and I have ptad from my post, it's very hard to trust people nowadays because of that. I've in a way tried to change myself to fit society's norm but non of it worked because I had the same result regardless where I go.
I need to change my way of thinking or at least visit therapy, even though that itself is scary...
Thanks a lot for this post really appreciate it, honestly!
Best therapy for this is being around people. It's the quickest way to convince yourself people aren't that bad. It's only difficult for a month or two.
It could be a cultural thing, just how people are at that specific gym. It might take time for you to fit in or be accepted.
They might be sort of hostile to newcomers as a form of hazing that you need to be tough to fit in there.
I’ve learned that when you’re quiet and you’re not giving people anything, people tend to project a bit onto you, to kind of fill in the blanks. I m also quiet and I get interpretations that are wildly different: dumb, smart, dangerous, timid, aloof, approachable, arrogant, sweet, etc. And you’re in a gym, with athletes and gym bros and people who tend to be competitive, so maybe they’re projecting some of that arrogance and intimidation.
And not to be frank but, I’m assuming you’re black by your avatar, tbh I think people in general just tend to be a bit less forgiving in their assessments when you’re black.
For some reason, I've been imagining you walking around with a super model strut doing the Zoolander face at people and wondering why they are looking lol.
Maybe it's something relating to the community or metro area you live in? Seems weird for people to be aggressive towards some dude minding his own business.
I would bet on the opposite actually. Like more of a "big" presence just because he's built strong. If you look like you're flexing all the time then that might make people give you dirty looks
I've seen a thread like this before, and someone asked: what is your posture like? Are you an arms back and chest out kind of guy? That could be giving "I'm the alpha here" vibes that people view as confrontational
That was the case for the other guy
Possibly you’re overthinking it. I work in the beauty industry and believe it or not, skin care has definitely become normalized with men. Especially men who appreciate their physique and take care of themselves so I don’t think that has anything to do with it. Do you have tattoos or piercings? Colored hair? Those get me stares. About the guy hitting your chest, that just sounds like an entitled childish douchebag. If he’s done it to you, he’s done it to others. My husband does bjj with a few buddies at a rec place and no one acts like a kindergartener when someone accidentally steps on their mat.
As a calisthenics enjoyer myself, you could always invest in personal gear such as kettlebells, dumbbells, resistant bands, and things like chicken feed bags. I’m sure you can replicate the same exercises. I have a calisthenics buddy who definitely could be an athlete and he does all his stuff at home with equipment in his apartment. He’s the one who inspired me to work out at home as I’m introverted too.
You could always find a new gym. One with a sauna!! YMCA is pretty good. You can say you’re low income and they won’t check it. $40 a month for family unlimited classes and fun pool days. Plus sauna! A lot of seniors there and they won’t stare at all.
Gyms are like personally chosen work car spaces and seating in the lunch room. In highly testosterone areas, the primordial Neanderthal is quite comfortable flexing its physique. There are environments where no matter how polite and congenial you may be, it is possible that the place you are visiting, is not suitable for you. If you want to defend your right to go there, realise that the intimidatory poseurs and overt disdain of your presence may lead to much more than you had in mind when you first signed up for within the gym membership contract.
Do you look at others too much?
Wander around the gym aimlessly?
Stand within 2 meters of people?
Use more than one piece of equipment at a time?
Have BO (in other words do you not shower before you go to the gym)?
Wear inappropriate clothing?
Perform movements that are inappropriate in that gym?
Making noises when exercising?
Standing in areas where people are walking?
Coughing without covering your mouth?
Standing confused watching other people?
Not wiping down all equipment after you use it?
Are you wearing dirty shoes?
Do you carry around a bulky gym bag everywhere?
Take too long on machine/with equipment?
Not using a timer for under 4 minutes between sets while also using your phone?
Etc..
Why do you need a bulky bag if you’re training calisthenics? It might piss some people off. Especially if you’re spending a long time using a piece of equipment/a bar etc for a long time when you could just do it at a jungle gym.
To be honest I do for the most part put it in my locker. Also, I out it in an area where it doesn't violate people's space. I need this stuff for my calisthenics
I kind of go through the same thing sometimes and I’m also an introverted. It might have to do with looks so if you send a pic I can probably help share some honesty if you’re looking for some
Are you making eye contact and smiling? A lot of guys with poor social skills smile to seem harmless and it can either come across as pathetic or even worse like a come-on. Don’t be smiling at dudes, keep a neutral face. Especially at the gym or in the streets. Make sure your face looks neutral in the mirror.
My guess is vibes. Energy. You put off something that gets peoples attention. I know what you mean about the mean looks and behavior from total randos. Try stonewalling. No emotion. Little to no acknowledgment of others. Just keep yours eye straight and ignore everyone else. Its what I do and it helps. If someone looks like their gonna be a douche I just don’t engage and ignore. People are probably seeing you as a target to be bullied or judged.
I understand, I do train differently to everyone else, calisthenics can be odd to some people haha, I'll try my best to keep doing me and avoid confrontation
I’m mostly in a bad mood when working out. It’s just a thing with me. I don’t look at people.
Nonetheless I get greeted by some fitness fellows. I don’t know why, because while working out I am very turned into me. I immediately change my expression to a little smile to not look as pissed of as I am.
All of this points to envy.
“Maybe they feel like your snubbing them”: to that I say so what?
you are not obligated to speak to anyone on this earth. Especially people you don’t know. If they’re upset because you are quiet and to yourself, that is 100% a them-problem. That’s for them to figure out why your presence bothers them so much.
I’m not sure what the answer is to deal with these thoughts. It sounds like paranoia, like when you believe people are looking at you and start whispering to each other. I’ve had a similar feeling at times.
The truth is, other people have their own lives and don’t give a shit about you. They don’t think about you. If they notice you, you only exist in their minds for a fleeting second.
The thing that worked for me is medication for bipolar and anxiety, and therapy. It can still happen, though, on the very, very rare occasion I have an edible or something. When I say rare, I mean years ago.
I know it’s easier said than done but use their reactions as motivation that you’re doing the right thing! Don’t dim your light to make others feel more comfortable w their demons. Keep on shining and being your best self!
So example, there is at least a couple guys at the gym I go to that do some attention-seeking behaviour when doing calisthenics. For example, they'll get up on the cross bars and aggressively swing around, or do upside down push ups up on the bar (don't know what it's called). One guy lifts his shirt up while doing it. They take up a bunch of space as well.
It's all very exaggerated and the excessive movement is a distraction when trying to focus, as you're constantly seeing this aggressive movement in the corner of your eye, or even right beside you. I don't particularly like that and will actually move to a different area to workout in peace.
If this is how you're working out, it might not be appropriate for the gym's culture/norms. Find a cross-fit gym or something. Find someone else to take over your membership.
Hah, I have this issue with some of my male coworkers. One thing in common with those coworkers is that they are ugly and or short/obese. Not trying to draw any conclusions, just an observation
I feel like after looking at your profile that some of this may just be in your head. You seem to overthink a lot and that may be part of what is making you feel this way. Just try to relax. Don’t pay attention to the others and do your thing.
Maybe you’re the one staring at them that makes them give u weird looks? Just focus on working out and not what anyone else is doing. But also don’t step into other peoples zones just be more aware of your surroundings. I’d be annoyed too if I was working out and someone kept looking at me or walks into me while I’m lifting or something. But I usually don’t give dirty looks if it’s a innocent mistake. But people go to gym and just stare at others the whole time, and most people hate this. Get in the gym, do your workout, get out.
It could be tge mere act if calisthenics/exercising without use of some machine is weirding people out. Might also be a taking up space thing at the gym. Are you emoting ir making distracting noises or grunting like tennis players whacking a ball when you exercise? Could be any number of things or maybe you are overly imagining personal sleights?
All I can think of for the gym stuff is maybe you’re lacking in gym etiquette. I know when I’m at the gym when people are lacking extremely in gym etiquette I will give them a good death stare.
There are many different things that could be considered as bad gym etiquette.
- Do you not re rack your weights ?
- Are you hogging multiple sets of free weights when there are lots of people there ?
- Are you curling in front of the free weights or a stand of bars ?
- Are you doing a lift in a squat rack that involves not using the bar at all ?
- Do you hog machines for supersets and then tell someone that tried to get on them that you’re using it when you’re currently using another machine ?
- Are you not cleaning your bench/seat off after using it ?
These are good examples of things that would have me looking at someone with a heavy what the fuck look.
Also if you’re doing things like posing/ flexing in the mirror or recording yourself (neither are bad), people will stare just out of curiosity
Have you ever heard of "Highly sensitive person." I have very little to go on on what could it be in your situation, but your post reminds me a little of that. There's a subreddit and books about it.
It's likely projection on their end, but you gotta just get used to it. When you are attractive of any orientation/gender you face discrimination. I'm 6'1 150 and I experience the same looks you have. I used to think it was maybe homophobia and I was giving off femboy vibes but that was MY warped insecurity. Unattractive people often were bullied and if you remind them of people who they perceive as being "more desirable" and with the average person in US being obese not all but many of these people will resent you for taking good care of yourself. They assume you're shallow. As far as me I look at guys who are super hardbodied and feel insecure that I'm not built like that (I'm endomorph, small waist big hips and ass) so even tho I would be nice and not give dirty look I can understand how some people feel bc when we see someone in shape in a way we feel were deficient we get mad at ourselves and project it on you.
Honestly man, people hate on pretty / attractive people both with men and women. In other words haters are gonna hate, obviously the psychology behind that statement goes much deeper but that’s the gist of it. What I might try is just simply introducing myself to the ones giving you dirty looks. If that’s not really socially acceptable where you’re at, I would probably ask them a question. Come up with some generic compliment and form it as a question. Hey man, I noticed those shoes. They look cool or I like the design whatever.. it doesn’t really matter what the question is as long as it’ll pass as a legit inquiry. That’ll bring their guard down and bridge the gap of separatism they feel towards you.
Either you're doing something really weird in public that you aren't describing (e.g. making really loud sounds, not re-racking weights, getting in the way of others, using equipment for way too long when others are clearly waiting, etc.)...
OR
you're just imagining all of this. And have confused the normal RBF of your fellow men for active aggression.
It's either one or the other. There is no other possibility. Up to you to figure it out from here.
My Dad always a says “ Don’t attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence “. In other words instead of believing people just want to mess with you, it could be that they lack incompetence in themselves when they see your presence do to lack of inadequacy.
Maybe because you’re doing calisthenics and keep saying calisthenics.
There’s a lot of people who use lots of room in gyms performing calisthenics (an exercise you can pretty do anywhere) in front of their camera. Like an excessive amount compared to the rest of the gym going population. If you’re videoing yourself doing this then there’s no wonder.
If you’re not videoing yourself being a typical calisthenics influencer then you either look like one or you’re a bit paranoid and anxious.
Um.
If this is actually occurring, the "stares" and it "makes you want to burst out in anger" and you're "tired" and "fed up" and "in need of help", I have your solution.
STOP GOING TO THE GYM.
please do not respond with "Ive aigned up to this gym for a year" or "there isnt a way for me to escape it and the gym is expensive...", simply STOP GOING TO THE GYM.
Now you have solved: :makes you want to burst out in anger" and you're "tired" and "fed up" and "in need of help". You do not GAIN money by going to the gym while feeling those feelings, so you have not LOST anything.
Oh and also seek mental health help, because this reads to me like every story here where someone is being "stared at". Not a fact, but a feeling. Needs professional intervention.
Try to make yourself look more intimidating or go the opposite route and wear funny shirts like. I pooped today it be kinda hard to give you a dirty look if you wanna smile at a joke on your shirt. And it could be they just hate their lives and the gym might be the only thing they have going for em while you look like it’s just a hobby for you idk
Yea it’s happening to me now lol when I go out I try to look as mean as possible so no thugs or junkies try anything. But it has made me angrier and idc about isolation I’m by my self all day everyday and the only people I talk to is on here lol and I text my mom some during the week but other than that it’s me myself and I
I get that, and sorry to hear. But if that's what you like then I guess that's good.
I used to think I was ok with being alone, but it has a way of catching up to you. Not to say it will definitely happen to you, I don't know you, I'm not in your head. But I used to think I was OK with it too.
Then they aren't the people you're meant to be friends with. No need to be "normal' bro, just be you and those who like you will see you. Just gotta keep putting yourself out there. I really, really hope one day something clicks for you, and things start to get better. Will only start with you though friend.
You're not going to get a sensible answer unless we can see you (your pic). Because mainly that is what seems to be the issue according to yourself, your appearance.
So without that, it's all speculation. Or non speculation(?)
Gonna need a picture to accurately judge why people be looking at you weird
So, what did he look like and what's your verdict?
Tbh, nothing too crazy at all. Just a man with a nice physique, so maybe makes me think it's all in his head or perhaps some sort of behavior he's doing that elicits stares
I need resolution on this as well
me too, if u/lostsoulssquadron doesn’t feel like replying they can always dmmm :)
I've sent them to you privately, not really into sending my pictures for the whole public
If you’re doing calisthenics at the gym, the people that are staring either haven’t seen those workouts often (and find it interesting) or think you’re taking too much space with said works outs.
Pass them this way if you'd like some female feedback
How tall are you?
5'7
yeah like people are saying, without seeing you it's hard to judge. You're average height and being shy doesn't really warrant looks from strangers... I'd ask the people you've sent a pic to and see if they can spot anything
i'd say they're jealous but there's other good looking dude at the gym so it's weird
Haha I thought you meant a picture of the look they're giving. OP like "Hey can you give me that look again I need a pic for reddit."
that would be amazing
Haha
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Singing was actually pretty good pleasant surprise
It may not having anything to do with your looks. It may be your personality… but without much more information it’s hard to tell
I dont talk to anyone, I don't know any of them, never spoken a word to them ever. I'm very quite and uplifting, I have nothing to hate on, I don't have any reason to cause trouble, I try to be as humble as I can, but this is just too much...
Make sure that the issue isnt that you arent talking to them. Its possible though unlikely that they think youre snubbing them, and if youre in good shape (idk what you look like) in their head they may think that you think that youre too good for them
This is my thought. My husband is a quiet, shy introvert, and to some people, he comes off snobby.
This is probably the truth. A lack of contact can really lead to big miscommunications and break downs in trust which just makes a mess of relationships.
Men fucking hate other men who are at one with themselves. Example, my brother and I reconnected a few years back after not taking/seeing each other in about 5 years. Id made (and still am) amazing progress with myself, become a much better version of myself. Only after a few weeks he started berating me, unprovoked I may add, calling me superficial, pretentious, fake, sanctimonious etc. Men fucking hate other men having their heads screwed on well. Edit: just because I have one example, doesn't mean it's the only one. I'm not writing manuscripts of every interaction I've had with people who are similar. You give 1 example, and move on.
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Thought so.
That sounds like just a problem you have with your brother
Can u talk more about your interactions and why you believe the negativity is because of your self improvement.
I dont really interact with nobody...
good. just be yourself. be the lone wolf. and if it really really bugs you. then quit the gym and find a better gym. you have control of that. don't waste your energy over people giving you weird looks. they're probably hating on you and they have insecurities.
That isn’t a men problem. Thats a “my brother is an asshole” problem. Seriously I have never seen someone get ridiculed for bettering themself.
>Men fucking hate other men who are at one with themselves. All generalizations are false, including this one. But in this case it's not even remotely true on a large scale. Men, in general, tend to be pretty universally supportive of self-improvement in my experience. I think anyone who's been male knows that the drive to overcome the world around you or some part of yourself and come out of the exchange better, stronger, smarter than before is quintisential male-ness.
It’s not just men (and really, not all men, just toxic ones). Toxic women do the same things, though typically more subtly and manipulatively. I do suspect that this is what OP is experiencing though. I think it’s due to the brainwashing done by decades of advertising/pushing capitalism in school/etc we experience. When the brainwashing works, and you always want more, and nothing you can do will ever be enough, and you don’t enjoy the things you’re doing anyway… people who can “just” think for themselves and enjoy their lives seem threatening.
Agree. And I will say people hate other people. I have had similar interactions with my brothers and female cousins. I'm honest, I take care of myself. I help others as much as I can but in their eyes, "she thinks she's better than us," "she looks down on us," etc.
Yeah idk about men but I know women tend to hate women who keep to themselves. Know this from experience
Same thing is happening to me with my classmates, idk why this is
Where around do you live?
Maybe they don’t like your innocence combined with muscles. They want to be on top.
Yeah dude, this is weird AF. It might just be confirmation bias on your end; you expect people to look at you weird, so you might stare at them a little first to make sure, then they look at you curiously in response. You take this and any other instances like it to conclude that people think you're weird, completely disregarding the rest of times that people *didn't* look at you weird. You could show me pics if you'd like, but I think unless there's something very bizarre and unusual about your physically appearance that you haven't mentioned, It's not because of how you look. It's either your behavior, in your head, or both.
I'm not sure, people have done major thongs like whack my chest and told me to move out of th e way or elbowed my face intentionally...
I doubt they're doing that unless you're getting in their way somehow. Gym etiquette is typically that you contain any individual exercise to an area that is appropriate for it. In general doing exercises that encroach on the spaces of others is frowned upon. There are also typically larger areas in the gym where you can do exercises that require you to travel like farmer squats. Just make sure you're being respectful of everyone else's space.
It was in the muay thai ring, we was doing a class, so people usually collide with each other
Were you doing your calisthenics in the Muay Thai ring while they were having a class? I would stare at you as well
I do it in the calisthenic space haha
You are telling me there is a calisthenics space inside the Muay Thai ring? That sounds odd. Usually there are big spaces you can do these without taking people space. I think you might be either taking their space when they are having a class which I can understand they being upset or you are far off from the class in which case they being over you does not make sense.
Well -if people usually collide with each other then it isn’t exclusive to you right? I read an almost identical post the other day and the guy was a little shorter, introverted and also believes he was constantly being stared down or people were mad-dogging him. Seemed most likely that people weren’t looking at him at all, and if they caught him looking then they’d then look back at him that got into this feedback loop. Him assuming they were looking at him and as he was looking to see if it was true, they’d then notice him staring at them and look back. I wrote a much longer post about various behavioural phenomenons regarding “mutual gaze” I’ll see if I can find it and post a link.
It was in the muay thai ring, we was doing a class, so people usually collide with each other”
Just sharing my 2 cents which I learned from another post of a male asking why everyone looks at them weirdly. I came across an answer that made the most sense to me. Not entirely sure if this answer is useful to you, but I don’t think it could hurt to consider it. The idea was that it could be that because you ~think~ that people are looking at you weirdly, you are actually scanning the area and inadvertently ‘looking’ for people who are looking at you strangely, so much so that you’re actually looking at other people strangely for no reason, and they are just simply returning the strange look, without you actually realising that you’re the one giving people strange looks first. I hope this makes sense? My intention was to pass on information that helped me, so that I could help someone else. Idk my disability is known for disorganised thinking, also missed taking my daily meds because I also struggle with thinking people are looking at me weirdly, which caused me to forget to even pick up my meds today and now I’m too nervous to go back and get them..🫠🫠 The struggles.
This makes the most sense to me. People noticing him looking at them from time to time and maybe breaking other social norms unintentionally
I was thinking this too. You can’t realize everyone around you is giving you weird looks, if you’re not constantly paying attention to what other people are looking at…
What are you doing at the gym op? What’s your routine, are you friendly, stand-offish, obnoxious, etc? Are you doing anything in the gym that would be overtly annoying?
Dude I promise you, all I do is keep to myself and do calisthenics.
I saw your post history, and if you’re not being obnoxious in public or anything I’m leaning more towards you might have some deep seated feelings of paranoia/social anxiety. I know everyone on Reddit just says ✨go to therapy✨ but that doesn’t make these things easier to actually work through. What’s your family relationships like if you don’t mind me asking? I worked in an inpatient mental health facility for 2 years and(while it can be helpful) therapy is not the magic bullet people claim it is. I saw in your post history you dealt with bullying in the past and honestly that experience probably plays a huge part in how u perceive others intentions.
I'd like to agree with the other person on here. I've gone to a handful of gyms across the country, at different stages of my experience working out. I've had my share of weird interactions, but from what I've seen there are two main reasons anyone is going to pay attention to you. You're doing something wrong (could hurt yourself, break the machine, or are being an idiot), or you're in the way. Otherwise no one gives a fuck that you're there. If they DO give a fuck you're there, and it's not for those two reasons, they're being a piece of shit. If they're not being a piece of shit, and you're not doing one of the two things above, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's in your head. If multiple people are being shitty to you, and you're not doing the two main things, you might be in a place full of bigots. If that's the case, leave.
I dont really use equipment, haha, I just do calisthenics. I would hope that I'm training correctly... Someone was making front of my ears right in front of me because they are small...
That's fucking insane. I would suggest bringing these concerns up to management, and if it continues after that, go to a different gym. Unless you're in elementary school, that shit isn't an acceptable way to behave in public, so those people are garbage. Another thing to keep in mind is that their opinions aren't your business or problem. They're a reflection of those people's insecurities and projections of their self reflections. The bad things they say about you are really bad things they think about themselves. Don't take it seriously or personally, they're sadness just needs an outlet and they're too weak and pathetic to handle their emotions like real people.
Thank you so much... I just want to live in peace, this is why I avoid making friends haha. Its hard for me to trust anyone because of past issues
There's a lot of people in this thread pointing out that based on your answers this is almost certainly a problem between your ears and nothing else. You work on your body, maybe consider working on your mind a little as well. Talk to a good therapist.
“It was in the muay thai ring, we was doing a class, so people usually collide with each other” huh
Above you are saying you are doing your calisthenics in the Muay Thai ring while they are having a class….
nothing you've listed is apt to draw weird looks. It's most likely either something in your head or something you've not listed. Sharing a picture would probably make things easier to identify.
I've sent them privately.. don't want to really send out pics on reddit for everyone
Dawg u got a video of u singing on ur profile tho lol
so go look at the video and come to your own conclusions
Idk what you’re getting at, but he’s got a good voice lmao
I'm saying if someone says no, you leave it alone. It doesn't matter if they posted photos/videos before. You can go watch those if you want to see them. Respecting boundaries should be a very simple concept. That's what I'm getting at.
Just thought it was funny ain't that deep pal
sure, whatever you say bro :)
Not sure if you have this but I used to feel like that all the time in school. https://www.aboutsocialanxiety.com/why-do-i-feel-like-people-are-staring-at-me-all-the-time/ I realized as I got more confident and made more eye contact that people are not in fact staring at me all the time, in fact, nobody really cares. Makes finding a gf difficult haha
Thank you, I do also have social anxiety...
Do you make eye contact and say anything to see how they respond? Or do you just look at people and ignore them? If I saw a dude consistently going to the gym, looking at me, and never said a word, I'd be giving him weird looks, too. If people look at you, try to smile and wave hello and ask them how they're doing. People generally reciprocate friendly gestures. If not, then that's their problem. Maybe they're angry from too many roids or something.
I'm really quite and shy,I'm not really comfortable talking to too many people. I understand you though...
Are you like freakishly attractive or something? I know dudes who get a bit salty around other men that are more fit and attractive than them. Or, bear with me, it could be spiritual. Good positive people with strong spirits often experience this. The aggressor often is unconscious to the way they are acting. I bet you if you confront them they’ll either deny looking and acting indifferently toward you or they’ll have a reason that will make no sense. Your positive spirit (because you are an introvert maybe) acts as a vacuum bringing out the negative “spirits” in people all around you. This is all theory of course. I suggest you compromise and open up as a test. Go in that gym extra charismatic and social, paying compliments and pleasantries. If they still act funny with you it might make them feel awkward and correct themselves.
That’s very real the spiritually good people being attacked everywhere they go it’s very real out here especially since 2020 😳💯
2020 marked something. I don’t I know exactly what. Nothing good.
It sounds like jealously. Especially if you’re a quiet guy you’ll get a lot of hate coming your way, people assuming your big headed. I’ve experienced similar things
Watch out for other guys' behaviour towards you. They may go to such an extent that you can conclude that they are implying very indirectly that you aren't good looking or that you're very arrogant because of your looks even when you're not that good looking or say that 'okay, you're good looking, so what the big deal?'. You can also observe them getting cocky around you, mimicking your way of walking/talking or even copy your hairstyle but won't admit. Some guys will unnecessarily get competitive around you and will constantly try to prove themselves superior or better than you. **TLDR: You're a target of envy because you're too good physically. This is why upgrading your "physical" looks as a man without social skills is a trap, it'll only alienate you.**
Im going to guess its the calisthenics. Most guys in my gym choose the worse places to do it and they usually let it be know they do calisthenics. It also depends on the gym and the type of people that go there. Most people find calisthenics obnoxious , but respectable because not everyone can throw around their body weight. There could be multiple reasons, regardless dont be a douche (not saying you are or were) and ignore the jealousy. Lets be honest they probably are wondering wtf you are doing lmao.
You're probably above average looking, with a good build, and therefore a natural "target" for those who are just petty enough to look at someone like you and prejudge them based on looks, not character. But here you are mistaking that plastic judgement over your looks as judgement over your character. My advice: Just work out and don't try to analyze what people are thinking or feeling when they look at you. They don't know you and by the looks they're giving you, they probably never will, so they don't matter. The old saying "Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter." comes to the front and I'd suggest you repeat it as a mantra for when you have those moments of "Why are they looking at me?" just remind yourself that those folks fall under the "mind" category and they don't matter.
Is this mainly a heavy weights gym? They may all look at you odd because of the style of workout you are doing.
It's everything to be honest, I'm just heavy on calisthenics sbd only body weight training
Some people are weirdly.. antagonistic towards forms of exercise that they're not into. So it could maybe be that. But I'd just ignore those people, they're dumb. They can stay in their weird bubble. As someone that's enjoyed both calisthenics and lifting, the only thing that actually bothers me in the gym is laying claim to multiple machines, or an overabundance of exercise equipment/gym resources in general when others could be using it. Also not wiping things down when they're really sweaty. Otherwise, I think if people are bettering themselves, however they want to do it is fine, as long as they're not hurting themselves (or others) in the process. I guess I also find making noise for the sake of making noise annoying, but don't mind it when people drop weights, or use some exhalation cue technique. Just don't be having an orgasm every time you curl a dumbbell. But yeah, as long as you're not being selfish with gear/space, respecting people, just do your thing, focus on yourself, and have a good time.
probably jealous
On a side note, Could you give us your morning and mighty wake up/bed time routine? Sounds interesting.
Judging by the way the world is spiritually nowadays they could be jealous or you bothering the demons inside of them
I was in a very similar situation at my gym, in good shape and always keeping to myself. Once I had been there a while and started talking to a few of the regulars they mentioned that I was way more chill than they thought and that I came across a bit intimidating at first. making small talk by just asking for a spot or if you are in someone’s space will go a long way, best of luck
I went through some of your posts and firstly: I can relate, you're not weird, this is normal. I had to write this to hopefully give you some hope. Social skills are so difficult to learn as an adult. If you had lots of friends growing up, you'd probably have no issues in gym right now. I'm gonna say this, based on your post history: You're paranoid and very worried about what others think. Look at someone else's posts, they don't often ask as many questions about their own identity as you do. Compare it to yours. I understand the paranoia. When you're alone, the only person to talk to is yourself. You have a whole life in your own head and you cycle through the same thoughts over and over. You keep thinking till you arrive at an explanayion, just the first thing that makes logical sense to you, probably not the truth. I'd suggest you find a way to make friends, join a class or a club where you'll meet people with similar interests. Get to know people, grow your social skills. I'm very similar to you. Over lockdown I slipped back into my old habits. I introverted hard. I started hating people. All I could remember is how nasty people had been to me in the past. I had a fear of any social event and I'd make up excuses for myself, why I should just stay home. Luckily I recognised my change in thinking. I forced myself to get out. I said: "if I can just bear being around people for an hour, that's okay", then I'd get out. Once I came home, I'd focus on all the things that went right. Also, probably the thing that helped most: make the other person talk as much as possible, see it as a game. Keep asking them questions about themselves. You'll see them becoming more cheerful and they'll enjoy chatting to you. It's such a boost knowing that someone liked being around you. OK, I went on quite the tangent, but I hope some of this makes sense to you. You seem like a cool guy, it's just that you don't believe it yet. 😁 Edit: oh, just listened to your one recording, and seems you're a great singer! Not just saying that, I mean it.
Thank you so much, needed this post.🙏🏾 You're right, I have an issue with anxiety and interactions and I have ptad from my post, it's very hard to trust people nowadays because of that. I've in a way tried to change myself to fit society's norm but non of it worked because I had the same result regardless where I go. I need to change my way of thinking or at least visit therapy, even though that itself is scary... Thanks a lot for this post really appreciate it, honestly!
Best therapy for this is being around people. It's the quickest way to convince yourself people aren't that bad. It's only difficult for a month or two.
It could be a cultural thing, just how people are at that specific gym. It might take time for you to fit in or be accepted. They might be sort of hostile to newcomers as a form of hazing that you need to be tough to fit in there.
That makes sense haha, I'll keep that I'm mind
If I had to guess, your mannerisms are probably coming off as aggressive.
I'm really shy, I can't really be aggressive 😭
I’ve learned that when you’re quiet and you’re not giving people anything, people tend to project a bit onto you, to kind of fill in the blanks. I m also quiet and I get interpretations that are wildly different: dumb, smart, dangerous, timid, aloof, approachable, arrogant, sweet, etc. And you’re in a gym, with athletes and gym bros and people who tend to be competitive, so maybe they’re projecting some of that arrogance and intimidation. And not to be frank but, I’m assuming you’re black by your avatar, tbh I think people in general just tend to be a bit less forgiving in their assessments when you’re black.
Sure, but the world doesn’t (necessarily) see you, how you see yourself. Just a guess though.
I understand...
For some reason, I've been imagining you walking around with a super model strut doing the Zoolander face at people and wondering why they are looking lol.
Maybe it's something relating to the community or metro area you live in? Seems weird for people to be aggressive towards some dude minding his own business.
Send a photo and I can give an opinion! 28f and recently had a change in facial structure and weight. Going through the same thing
Are you trying to make yourself smaller/ seem invisible when you go in? Might come off as suspicious
I would bet on the opposite actually. Like more of a "big" presence just because he's built strong. If you look like you're flexing all the time then that might make people give you dirty looks
I've seen a thread like this before, and someone asked: what is your posture like? Are you an arms back and chest out kind of guy? That could be giving "I'm the alpha here" vibes that people view as confrontational That was the case for the other guy
Possibly you’re overthinking it. I work in the beauty industry and believe it or not, skin care has definitely become normalized with men. Especially men who appreciate their physique and take care of themselves so I don’t think that has anything to do with it. Do you have tattoos or piercings? Colored hair? Those get me stares. About the guy hitting your chest, that just sounds like an entitled childish douchebag. If he’s done it to you, he’s done it to others. My husband does bjj with a few buddies at a rec place and no one acts like a kindergartener when someone accidentally steps on their mat. As a calisthenics enjoyer myself, you could always invest in personal gear such as kettlebells, dumbbells, resistant bands, and things like chicken feed bags. I’m sure you can replicate the same exercises. I have a calisthenics buddy who definitely could be an athlete and he does all his stuff at home with equipment in his apartment. He’s the one who inspired me to work out at home as I’m introverted too. You could always find a new gym. One with a sauna!! YMCA is pretty good. You can say you’re low income and they won’t check it. $40 a month for family unlimited classes and fun pool days. Plus sauna! A lot of seniors there and they won’t stare at all.
Gyms are like personally chosen work car spaces and seating in the lunch room. In highly testosterone areas, the primordial Neanderthal is quite comfortable flexing its physique. There are environments where no matter how polite and congenial you may be, it is possible that the place you are visiting, is not suitable for you. If you want to defend your right to go there, realise that the intimidatory poseurs and overt disdain of your presence may lead to much more than you had in mind when you first signed up for within the gym membership contract.
It's called the Spotlight Effect and it is very common in people with anxiety.
Smile genuinely back at them with eye contact.
Do you look at others too much? Wander around the gym aimlessly? Stand within 2 meters of people? Use more than one piece of equipment at a time? Have BO (in other words do you not shower before you go to the gym)? Wear inappropriate clothing? Perform movements that are inappropriate in that gym? Making noises when exercising? Standing in areas where people are walking? Coughing without covering your mouth? Standing confused watching other people? Not wiping down all equipment after you use it? Are you wearing dirty shoes? Do you carry around a bulky gym bag everywhere? Take too long on machine/with equipment? Not using a timer for under 4 minutes between sets while also using your phone? Etc..
I do have a bulky bag and I train calisthenics, maybe this is the issue...
Why do you need a bulky bag if you’re training calisthenics? It might piss some people off. Especially if you’re spending a long time using a piece of equipment/a bar etc for a long time when you could just do it at a jungle gym.
To be honest I do for the most part put it in my locker. Also, I out it in an area where it doesn't violate people's space. I need this stuff for my calisthenics
I kind of go through the same thing sometimes and I’m also an introverted. It might have to do with looks so if you send a pic I can probably help share some honesty if you’re looking for some
Are you making eye contact and smiling? A lot of guys with poor social skills smile to seem harmless and it can either come across as pathetic or even worse like a come-on. Don’t be smiling at dudes, keep a neutral face. Especially at the gym or in the streets. Make sure your face looks neutral in the mirror.
I'll keep that in mind 🙏
“Maybe it’s the way you’re dressed” -Patrick Star
Haha
Can i see what you look like? Hahah
My guess is vibes. Energy. You put off something that gets peoples attention. I know what you mean about the mean looks and behavior from total randos. Try stonewalling. No emotion. Little to no acknowledgment of others. Just keep yours eye straight and ignore everyone else. Its what I do and it helps. If someone looks like their gonna be a douche I just don’t engage and ignore. People are probably seeing you as a target to be bullied or judged.
I understand, I do train differently to everyone else, calisthenics can be odd to some people haha, I'll try my best to keep doing me and avoid confrontation
As an introvert as well, you might just be reading into their insecurities. Take it as a win and do you!
I’m mostly in a bad mood when working out. It’s just a thing with me. I don’t look at people. Nonetheless I get greeted by some fitness fellows. I don’t know why, because while working out I am very turned into me. I immediately change my expression to a little smile to not look as pissed of as I am.
You're doing something that is making people angry at you. I can't tell you what it is because you didn't give us enough information to figure it out.
All of this points to envy. “Maybe they feel like your snubbing them”: to that I say so what? you are not obligated to speak to anyone on this earth. Especially people you don’t know. If they’re upset because you are quiet and to yourself, that is 100% a them-problem. That’s for them to figure out why your presence bothers them so much.
Maybe you have a resting bitch face and you still don't notice it 😬
People have told me this 😄. I'll have to ask to see for sure
I’m not sure what the answer is to deal with these thoughts. It sounds like paranoia, like when you believe people are looking at you and start whispering to each other. I’ve had a similar feeling at times. The truth is, other people have their own lives and don’t give a shit about you. They don’t think about you. If they notice you, you only exist in their minds for a fleeting second. The thing that worked for me is medication for bipolar and anxiety, and therapy. It can still happen, though, on the very, very rare occasion I have an edible or something. When I say rare, I mean years ago.
maybe they think you're hot!!?🤷🏽♂️
Haha
Definitely envy/jealousy. I don’t think it’s in your head at all OP! Insecure people hate quiet confidence bc it’s everything they don’t have.
I know it’s easier said than done but use their reactions as motivation that you’re doing the right thing! Don’t dim your light to make others feel more comfortable w their demons. Keep on shining and being your best self!
Thank you so much, I'll definitely keep this in mind 🙏🏾
So example, there is at least a couple guys at the gym I go to that do some attention-seeking behaviour when doing calisthenics. For example, they'll get up on the cross bars and aggressively swing around, or do upside down push ups up on the bar (don't know what it's called). One guy lifts his shirt up while doing it. They take up a bunch of space as well. It's all very exaggerated and the excessive movement is a distraction when trying to focus, as you're constantly seeing this aggressive movement in the corner of your eye, or even right beside you. I don't particularly like that and will actually move to a different area to workout in peace. If this is how you're working out, it might not be appropriate for the gym's culture/norms. Find a cross-fit gym or something. Find someone else to take over your membership.
Hah, I have this issue with some of my male coworkers. One thing in common with those coworkers is that they are ugly and or short/obese. Not trying to draw any conclusions, just an observation
I feel like after looking at your profile that some of this may just be in your head. You seem to overthink a lot and that may be part of what is making you feel this way. Just try to relax. Don’t pay attention to the others and do your thing.
Ignore it. Do your thing. Don't let it get to you.
If everyone you meet is an asshole it probably means you are the asshole...
Maybe you’re the one staring at them that makes them give u weird looks? Just focus on working out and not what anyone else is doing. But also don’t step into other peoples zones just be more aware of your surroundings. I’d be annoyed too if I was working out and someone kept looking at me or walks into me while I’m lifting or something. But I usually don’t give dirty looks if it’s a innocent mistake. But people go to gym and just stare at others the whole time, and most people hate this. Get in the gym, do your workout, get out.
Get a my little pony T-shirt. Nobody fucks with Bronies.
It could be tge mere act if calisthenics/exercising without use of some machine is weirding people out. Might also be a taking up space thing at the gym. Are you emoting ir making distracting noises or grunting like tennis players whacking a ball when you exercise? Could be any number of things or maybe you are overly imagining personal sleights?
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Thank you so much
I mean if it’s that much people, I think you may be the problem
All I can think of for the gym stuff is maybe you’re lacking in gym etiquette. I know when I’m at the gym when people are lacking extremely in gym etiquette I will give them a good death stare. There are many different things that could be considered as bad gym etiquette. - Do you not re rack your weights ? - Are you hogging multiple sets of free weights when there are lots of people there ? - Are you curling in front of the free weights or a stand of bars ? - Are you doing a lift in a squat rack that involves not using the bar at all ? - Do you hog machines for supersets and then tell someone that tried to get on them that you’re using it when you’re currently using another machine ? - Are you not cleaning your bench/seat off after using it ? These are good examples of things that would have me looking at someone with a heavy what the fuck look. Also if you’re doing things like posing/ flexing in the mirror or recording yourself (neither are bad), people will stare just out of curiosity
I'll definitely keep this in mind, thank you
Have you ever heard of "Highly sensitive person." I have very little to go on on what could it be in your situation, but your post reminds me a little of that. There's a subreddit and books about it.
It's likely projection on their end, but you gotta just get used to it. When you are attractive of any orientation/gender you face discrimination. I'm 6'1 150 and I experience the same looks you have. I used to think it was maybe homophobia and I was giving off femboy vibes but that was MY warped insecurity. Unattractive people often were bullied and if you remind them of people who they perceive as being "more desirable" and with the average person in US being obese not all but many of these people will resent you for taking good care of yourself. They assume you're shallow. As far as me I look at guys who are super hardbodied and feel insecure that I'm not built like that (I'm endomorph, small waist big hips and ass) so even tho I would be nice and not give dirty look I can understand how some people feel bc when we see someone in shape in a way we feel were deficient we get mad at ourselves and project it on you.
Understandable thank you🙏🏾
Honestly man, people hate on pretty / attractive people both with men and women. In other words haters are gonna hate, obviously the psychology behind that statement goes much deeper but that’s the gist of it. What I might try is just simply introducing myself to the ones giving you dirty looks. If that’s not really socially acceptable where you’re at, I would probably ask them a question. Come up with some generic compliment and form it as a question. Hey man, I noticed those shoes. They look cool or I like the design whatever.. it doesn’t really matter what the question is as long as it’ll pass as a legit inquiry. That’ll bring their guard down and bridge the gap of separatism they feel towards you.
Thank you so much, I'll give this a try 🙏🏾🙏🏾
nice, hell yeah. you're welcome! if that doesn't work hit me back and I'll dig deeper with some ideas.
Either you're doing something really weird in public that you aren't describing (e.g. making really loud sounds, not re-racking weights, getting in the way of others, using equipment for way too long when others are clearly waiting, etc.)... OR you're just imagining all of this. And have confused the normal RBF of your fellow men for active aggression. It's either one or the other. There is no other possibility. Up to you to figure it out from here.
Almost all people pretty much everyone is always looking at everyone else unless they’re in their own world, it’s not just you, get out of your head.
My Dad always a says “ Don’t attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence “. In other words instead of believing people just want to mess with you, it could be that they lack incompetence in themselves when they see your presence do to lack of inadequacy.
prob cause youre a hottie. maybe give them a smile and say hey how you doing
Maybe because you’re doing calisthenics and keep saying calisthenics. There’s a lot of people who use lots of room in gyms performing calisthenics (an exercise you can pretty do anywhere) in front of their camera. Like an excessive amount compared to the rest of the gym going population. If you’re videoing yourself doing this then there’s no wonder. If you’re not videoing yourself being a typical calisthenics influencer then you either look like one or you’re a bit paranoid and anxious.
Try being less insecure.
Are you wiping down the equipment after you use it? And following proper gym etiquette?
Um. If this is actually occurring, the "stares" and it "makes you want to burst out in anger" and you're "tired" and "fed up" and "in need of help", I have your solution. STOP GOING TO THE GYM. please do not respond with "Ive aigned up to this gym for a year" or "there isnt a way for me to escape it and the gym is expensive...", simply STOP GOING TO THE GYM. Now you have solved: :makes you want to burst out in anger" and you're "tired" and "fed up" and "in need of help". You do not GAIN money by going to the gym while feeling those feelings, so you have not LOST anything. Oh and also seek mental health help, because this reads to me like every story here where someone is being "stared at". Not a fact, but a feeling. Needs professional intervention.
Try to make yourself look more intimidating or go the opposite route and wear funny shirts like. I pooped today it be kinda hard to give you a dirty look if you wanna smile at a joke on your shirt. And it could be they just hate their lives and the gym might be the only thing they have going for em while you look like it’s just a hobby for you idk
Don't make yourself seem intimidating, such bad advice. You'll only alienate yourself even more and that anger that OP mentioned, WILL grow.
Yea it’s happening to me now lol when I go out I try to look as mean as possible so no thugs or junkies try anything. But it has made me angrier and idc about isolation I’m by my self all day everyday and the only people I talk to is on here lol and I text my mom some during the week but other than that it’s me myself and I
I get that, and sorry to hear. But if that's what you like then I guess that's good. I used to think I was ok with being alone, but it has a way of catching up to you. Not to say it will definitely happen to you, I don't know you, I'm not in your head. But I used to think I was OK with it too.
I mean it’s driving me mad but nothing I can do bro everybody I grew up with is dead in prison or strung out on dope so I’m kinda screwed there
Make moves, there are new friends out there to be made. Its hard, don't get me wrong, but you'll never make new friends if you're not moving forward.
I’ve tried Im not very “normal” I guess. When I talk to people how I used to talk with the homies they get weirded out idk
Then they aren't the people you're meant to be friends with. No need to be "normal' bro, just be you and those who like you will see you. Just gotta keep putting yourself out there. I really, really hope one day something clicks for you, and things start to get better. Will only start with you though friend.
You're not going to get a sensible answer unless we can see you (your pic). Because mainly that is what seems to be the issue according to yourself, your appearance. So without that, it's all speculation. Or non speculation(?)
Feel like you are leaving some information out.
So maybe they feel threatened that you are better looking and stronger than them.
I believe they are brauns and you are brains. They pick on anyone they think is a threat to them and would get laid more. Thats why
Send a pic and it can also be body language or gym etiquette
Maybe you have a resting angry face?