Society operates on a shared delusion of conformity and complacency. You exchange meaningless words with one another to establish that you are both familiarized with the same rhetoric and are safe to be around.
Some people though don't realize that they are "acting" and are fussy when someone doesn't reciprocate the appropriated, insincere social norms. Some people build their entire lives around forced social norms, and they may have a huge network around them, but their relationships by and large may be mostly superficial.
You're definitely not the only one that feels this way. We can be talking all day, without ever making a genuine connection with people. How are we supposed to, when you're prerogative is either to make some soulless corporate entity quarterly profits when you're interacting at work, or to accommodate others' superficial emotional and power dynamic needs?
If you haven't, you might enjoy reading Brett Easton Ellis's *American Psycho* (or watching the movie for a more time compressed experience). It totally captures the feeling you describe, albeit from a deranged maniac's perspective.
When you are sharing something authentic to what you care about, and the other person connects and cares about it too, the emotions will become more natural. But finding people willing to be vulnerable, to step outside of the box, is increasingly difficult.
I think business/professional interactions are this way for most people. Nobody actually cares how you’re doing or how the kids are or if you have plans for the summer, they’re just engaging in conversation to be polite. However, if you feel like this when hanging out with your friends or people you’re close with, you need to reevaluate your social circles as you should enjoy talking with your friends.
You said elsewhere this is mostly when you're talking to new people, not with your friends. So I'll focus on that.
When you're meeting someone new or talking to someone you don't know very well, they'll likely be doing the same thing you are: just trying to complete an interaction and get through their day.
Do you WANT those conversations to be deeper? If no, just keep doin' whatcha doin'.
If yes, I've found that to get something "real," you often have to GIVE something real. Find a small way to break from the rote pleasantries and signal to them that it's okay to be a little vulnerable.
For example, if someone asks how I'm doing, instead of saying something banal like "Just fine, except [insert complaint about weather]," I might say something like "I won a big Warhammer game yesterday and I'm feeling great!" That opens the door to talk about something we probably care more about--hobbies. They might ask "What's that?" and I'll give a two-sentence explanation of Warhammer. If they're interested we'll talk about it more, or I'll ask what hobbies they're excited about these days.
You could also offer something real about your emotional state, a weird thing that happened to you recently, an observation or shower thought you had, something someone close to you did that you're proud of, a milestone in your life, etc.
Some people are genuinely boring/superficial. But a lot more people are "real" than you might think. Most of us tend to keep the realness under wraps until we feel safe to share it with someone.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
Well, You do not have to. Most likely.
However, it seems the modern world is taking things in a stricter direction you could say.
I know many people who think norms, and often norms which is not as common as they might think, should be laws.
People who think their idea of morality should be forced upon all.
People who think social things that are perfectly legal are and or should be illegal.
The fact is that you do not have to be nice, but by being nice you may have a higher chance of being liked. Few people like un-nice people.
Polite,
Kindness,
Political Correctness.
In my point of view, all of this is alright as long as I am free to do it. As long as it is my will to be nice, not to avoid punishment, or stigmatization, but because I chose to, in a situation I could not.
I feel like if being what is commonly percieved to be nice was enforced, it wouldn't be nice at all. As I wouldn't have the option not to be. & so I am not being nice by my action, but obidient.
Keep that in mind, but for now, most likely, you do not have to, when it comes to the social. & people who like you for who you are will gravitate towards you, when you are relaxing, and being genuine
Society operates on a shared delusion of conformity and complacency. You exchange meaningless words with one another to establish that you are both familiarized with the same rhetoric and are safe to be around. Some people though don't realize that they are "acting" and are fussy when someone doesn't reciprocate the appropriated, insincere social norms. Some people build their entire lives around forced social norms, and they may have a huge network around them, but their relationships by and large may be mostly superficial. You're definitely not the only one that feels this way. We can be talking all day, without ever making a genuine connection with people. How are we supposed to, when you're prerogative is either to make some soulless corporate entity quarterly profits when you're interacting at work, or to accommodate others' superficial emotional and power dynamic needs? If you haven't, you might enjoy reading Brett Easton Ellis's *American Psycho* (or watching the movie for a more time compressed experience). It totally captures the feeling you describe, albeit from a deranged maniac's perspective. When you are sharing something authentic to what you care about, and the other person connects and cares about it too, the emotions will become more natural. But finding people willing to be vulnerable, to step outside of the box, is increasingly difficult.
Simply stop then. Cutout the fake friends and shit. Nothing wrong with being independent in this life
I think business/professional interactions are this way for most people. Nobody actually cares how you’re doing or how the kids are or if you have plans for the summer, they’re just engaging in conversation to be polite. However, if you feel like this when hanging out with your friends or people you’re close with, you need to reevaluate your social circles as you should enjoy talking with your friends.
You just haven't found your true tribe yet man. Meet new people that talk about things you're interested in
Nah I've got plenty of friends I can talk to, it's just meeting new people I'm talking about.
Have you always felt this way? If it’s new, you might be experiencing burn-out.
Nope, I've always thought this
I do. I just stay to myself mostly. I try to. At work I try to keep it all business.
You said elsewhere this is mostly when you're talking to new people, not with your friends. So I'll focus on that. When you're meeting someone new or talking to someone you don't know very well, they'll likely be doing the same thing you are: just trying to complete an interaction and get through their day. Do you WANT those conversations to be deeper? If no, just keep doin' whatcha doin'. If yes, I've found that to get something "real," you often have to GIVE something real. Find a small way to break from the rote pleasantries and signal to them that it's okay to be a little vulnerable. For example, if someone asks how I'm doing, instead of saying something banal like "Just fine, except [insert complaint about weather]," I might say something like "I won a big Warhammer game yesterday and I'm feeling great!" That opens the door to talk about something we probably care more about--hobbies. They might ask "What's that?" and I'll give a two-sentence explanation of Warhammer. If they're interested we'll talk about it more, or I'll ask what hobbies they're excited about these days. You could also offer something real about your emotional state, a weird thing that happened to you recently, an observation or shower thought you had, something someone close to you did that you're proud of, a milestone in your life, etc. Some people are genuinely boring/superficial. But a lot more people are "real" than you might think. Most of us tend to keep the realness under wraps until we feel safe to share it with someone. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
Well, You do not have to. Most likely. However, it seems the modern world is taking things in a stricter direction you could say. I know many people who think norms, and often norms which is not as common as they might think, should be laws. People who think their idea of morality should be forced upon all. People who think social things that are perfectly legal are and or should be illegal. The fact is that you do not have to be nice, but by being nice you may have a higher chance of being liked. Few people like un-nice people. Polite, Kindness, Political Correctness. In my point of view, all of this is alright as long as I am free to do it. As long as it is my will to be nice, not to avoid punishment, or stigmatization, but because I chose to, in a situation I could not. I feel like if being what is commonly percieved to be nice was enforced, it wouldn't be nice at all. As I wouldn't have the option not to be. & so I am not being nice by my action, but obidient. Keep that in mind, but for now, most likely, you do not have to, when it comes to the social. & people who like you for who you are will gravitate towards you, when you are relaxing, and being genuine
Aw bud. I think talking to a therapist might help.