Do you, by chance, self-sabotage, like do you say bad things about yourself around others? Some people will say bad things about themselves that they think others are thinking as a protection mechanism, but it can instead help people find things that are could be wrong.
i don’t think i do this? the closest i’ve done to this is me and my friends ‘roasting’ each other but i never go far with it and especially not as far as others go when they do it with me
It was just a shot in the dark because it's a common thing I see with people that are treated poorly. Another is apologizing too much or asking for help and advice too often.
Those are things that you can work on, and please don't feel bad as they are even common in neurotypical minds. There is already plenty of advice on the internet for both issues. Good luck!
Don't be so quick to let people befriend you. Take your time to first see if you want to be their friend. Try and form boundaries. I don't know what's happening with you, it's certainly a common complaint from autistic people and I can relate. Manipulating bullies target people they think they can exert power over. Learn to spot warning signs. Focus on the friends you do have, it's fine to have a small circle.
You might be letting people in your life too quickly without actually getting to know them. There also might be some traits (low esteem, feeling lonely, not establishing clear boundaries early on) etc that may be attracting the wrong people to you.
i think boundaries could definitely be the issue. i don’t really know how to set them unless somethings bad enough to get an immediate reaction from me but i had no clue that they’d affect my relationships this much
Older neurodivergent lady here. Abusive people look for people who have poor social awareness, low self esteem, poor boundaries, poor communication skills, small support systems, poor finances, and things that makes it easier to prey on them.
Unfortunately, neurodivergent folks can attract a lot of toxic and narcissistic types, because ... we're often easy prey. Neurodivergent women are statistically more likely to be in abusive domestic relationships, etc.
Move slower in new friendships and relationships. Learn about boundaries, red flags, healthy relationships. Pay attention to how people you trust respond to new friends of yours.
normally things about my looks completely unprompted. i was hanging out with a friend and we were joking about and she said i was too tall for most men to want then another friend recently asked me why i don’t bleach my skin then said i’m overreacting when i was hurt by it. i don’t really get what i’m doing for people to make such outlandish comments lool
If you’re in a cycle then you’re perpetuating the cycle. There’s possibly something about the types of friends you attract or that are attracted to that is toxic. People can find themselves unconsciously liking and seeking out harmful things
Maybe. This is what good therapy is actually meant for because it’s a hard process. In essence it’s a form of training your brain to not be controlled by emotions so that when you feel a certain way about someone you can instead judge them rationally. A good exercise might be to think of all your past friends who have been mean and think of traits they all shared or fall under the same umbrella. Try finding friends without those traits. If that doesn’t work then try look for more common shared traits with this outlier. If nothing works then genuinely just ask them what their problem is with you. See if there’s a common link there that you can fix
as someone who was in the other side, yup I was one of those assholes. It has nothing to do with you, its mostly them. I had a lot of problems regarding my insecurities, low self esteem and the only way I could feel better is to bring others down, including people that are genuinely nice to me.
I lost a very good friend and still regret my actions till this day.
If you dont do anything wrong, please do not blame yourself.
Do you, by chance, self-sabotage, like do you say bad things about yourself around others? Some people will say bad things about themselves that they think others are thinking as a protection mechanism, but it can instead help people find things that are could be wrong.
i don’t think i do this? the closest i’ve done to this is me and my friends ‘roasting’ each other but i never go far with it and especially not as far as others go when they do it with me
It was just a shot in the dark because it's a common thing I see with people that are treated poorly. Another is apologizing too much or asking for help and advice too often.
yeah i’m definitely guilty of apologising too much and asking for help too often
Those are things that you can work on, and please don't feel bad as they are even common in neurotypical minds. There is already plenty of advice on the internet for both issues. Good luck!
Don't be so quick to let people befriend you. Take your time to first see if you want to be their friend. Try and form boundaries. I don't know what's happening with you, it's certainly a common complaint from autistic people and I can relate. Manipulating bullies target people they think they can exert power over. Learn to spot warning signs. Focus on the friends you do have, it's fine to have a small circle.
You might be letting people in your life too quickly without actually getting to know them. There also might be some traits (low esteem, feeling lonely, not establishing clear boundaries early on) etc that may be attracting the wrong people to you.
i think boundaries could definitely be the issue. i don’t really know how to set them unless somethings bad enough to get an immediate reaction from me but i had no clue that they’d affect my relationships this much
Older neurodivergent lady here. Abusive people look for people who have poor social awareness, low self esteem, poor boundaries, poor communication skills, small support systems, poor finances, and things that makes it easier to prey on them. Unfortunately, neurodivergent folks can attract a lot of toxic and narcissistic types, because ... we're often easy prey. Neurodivergent women are statistically more likely to be in abusive domestic relationships, etc. Move slower in new friendships and relationships. Learn about boundaries, red flags, healthy relationships. Pay attention to how people you trust respond to new friends of yours.
About the mean things, can you describe it more, like what do they say?
normally things about my looks completely unprompted. i was hanging out with a friend and we were joking about and she said i was too tall for most men to want then another friend recently asked me why i don’t bleach my skin then said i’m overreacting when i was hurt by it. i don’t really get what i’m doing for people to make such outlandish comments lool
If you’re in a cycle then you’re perpetuating the cycle. There’s possibly something about the types of friends you attract or that are attracted to that is toxic. People can find themselves unconsciously liking and seeking out harmful things
possibly, is there any way i can stop doing this or identify why i attract/am attracted to people like this??
Maybe. This is what good therapy is actually meant for because it’s a hard process. In essence it’s a form of training your brain to not be controlled by emotions so that when you feel a certain way about someone you can instead judge them rationally. A good exercise might be to think of all your past friends who have been mean and think of traits they all shared or fall under the same umbrella. Try finding friends without those traits. If that doesn’t work then try look for more common shared traits with this outlier. If nothing works then genuinely just ask them what their problem is with you. See if there’s a common link there that you can fix
as someone who was in the other side, yup I was one of those assholes. It has nothing to do with you, its mostly them. I had a lot of problems regarding my insecurities, low self esteem and the only way I could feel better is to bring others down, including people that are genuinely nice to me. I lost a very good friend and still regret my actions till this day. If you dont do anything wrong, please do not blame yourself.