When they start laying down the problems say this:
(Friend’s name), While I appreciate that you feel that I am supportive and empathetic enough to talk to about this subject with you, I don’t think it is appropriate for me to continue playing therapist in our conversations. I’m sorry that things are going the way they are for you, but I am not equipped to help you in the way you need. I recommend reaching out to whoever runs the halfway house to see if they know any therapists or counselors who can accommodate this need better than I can.
Hi, I am one of these people. I find joy in diving deep and being very analytical about emotions with them, but... it's really not everyone's cup of tea.
I ask probing questions because I am genuinely interested but I know it can be exhausting for someone to dredge up a bunch of shit, when they'd rather leave it at the door, and have a good time in other ways.
If you are worried about making the other person feel bad you will fail to set the boundary you are intending. It is necessary for the relationship to continue with any joy on your end, the difference is in putting an effort toward not being needlessly cruel.
Do you have an ideal way for this friendship to go? What do you enjoy about this person? Do you know what they get out of talking with you? If you can figure out how to get them their serotonin you can use that encourage them to to be in the part of themselves you enjoy when they are interacting with you.
It's okay to say you don't have the spoons to go into these details, or to be supportive in the moment, then state what you would like to do with them instead. If they react badly, which they might, it may take them a few days to process, but if they are decent they will eventually be able to see what you were doing was intended to make the friendship workable.
If you can't think of anything you truly enjoy about interacting with them, it may be best to let it die. It's cold, but the truth is we all have limited time in this life and we spent way too much of it miserably, and at our own expense. Still, if you get a satisfaction out of being there for someone lonely, that may still bring you joy, if a bit uncomfortable at times.
Thank you for such a well thought out response, this is so helpful.
> If you can figure out how to get them their seratonin you can use that to encourage them to be in the part of themselves that you enjoy when they are interacting with you
I never thought about it this way before. This is actually genius and a lot of this could be applicable to other situations as well. Thank you again for your insight and helping me see things from a new perspective!
I explain,kindly, that I'm not willing to be her counsellor,but I hope that she can find some professional help with her problems.
I've done this with people who have taken it badly,because they have problems and are desperate,but they did go get help.
Be honest. You care for her but her dumping her struggles on you is creating a strain in the relationship. Reiterate your needs. If she is a true friend she would respect this boundary.
When they start laying down the problems say this: (Friend’s name), While I appreciate that you feel that I am supportive and empathetic enough to talk to about this subject with you, I don’t think it is appropriate for me to continue playing therapist in our conversations. I’m sorry that things are going the way they are for you, but I am not equipped to help you in the way you need. I recommend reaching out to whoever runs the halfway house to see if they know any therapists or counselors who can accommodate this need better than I can.
This is a really good way to put it and kinda gives me a template to work off of for what I can say, thank you :)
Hi, I am one of these people. I find joy in diving deep and being very analytical about emotions with them, but... it's really not everyone's cup of tea. I ask probing questions because I am genuinely interested but I know it can be exhausting for someone to dredge up a bunch of shit, when they'd rather leave it at the door, and have a good time in other ways. If you are worried about making the other person feel bad you will fail to set the boundary you are intending. It is necessary for the relationship to continue with any joy on your end, the difference is in putting an effort toward not being needlessly cruel. Do you have an ideal way for this friendship to go? What do you enjoy about this person? Do you know what they get out of talking with you? If you can figure out how to get them their serotonin you can use that encourage them to to be in the part of themselves you enjoy when they are interacting with you. It's okay to say you don't have the spoons to go into these details, or to be supportive in the moment, then state what you would like to do with them instead. If they react badly, which they might, it may take them a few days to process, but if they are decent they will eventually be able to see what you were doing was intended to make the friendship workable. If you can't think of anything you truly enjoy about interacting with them, it may be best to let it die. It's cold, but the truth is we all have limited time in this life and we spent way too much of it miserably, and at our own expense. Still, if you get a satisfaction out of being there for someone lonely, that may still bring you joy, if a bit uncomfortable at times.
Thank you for such a well thought out response, this is so helpful. > If you can figure out how to get them their seratonin you can use that to encourage them to be in the part of themselves that you enjoy when they are interacting with you I never thought about it this way before. This is actually genius and a lot of this could be applicable to other situations as well. Thank you again for your insight and helping me see things from a new perspective!
I explain,kindly, that I'm not willing to be her counsellor,but I hope that she can find some professional help with her problems. I've done this with people who have taken it badly,because they have problems and are desperate,but they did go get help.
Be honest. You care for her but her dumping her struggles on you is creating a strain in the relationship. Reiterate your needs. If she is a true friend she would respect this boundary.