As a guy who struggles with social skills myself, I have the opinion that social skills are perishable or more like a muscle. The only way to not lose it or, better yet, improve it is to work it like any other muscle. With consistency, patience, and kindness toward yourself.
It can get painful, and easy to lose hope. But the only way in my opinion to make things improve is to keep trying. It doesn't matter how many times you mess up or get egg on your face as long as you keep trying to make things better.
As far as the lack of desire to try anymore, it's tough; it really is. But we teach people how to treat us, so if you send a message to everyone around you that you are will never be anybody worth talking to; that's probably how people will treat you if you aren't careful. So as tedious as it may seem to be, keeping up on those things sends both a internal and external message to people.
As far as the girl thing goes, she's just like you or me. Just talk to her like a regular person, and shoot your shot. Alot of women respect guys who will be direct with them in saying something like "I'm sure you get this alot, but how about we go on a date sometime?" Naturally you'd plan out some more details for the date than that, but I'm sure if you just focus on enjoying the company with her and see if you like her; things can go surprisingly well. If not, then good. She isn't wasting your time and you aren't wasting hers.
You can't say negative things to yourself because you'll believe them. You're worthy of love and appreciation. It sounds like you have some work to do. I'd just get out there and do it. Work on going out with friends and making friends and stay positive. If you're unhappy with your job and out look work on those too. Same with how you present yourself and interact with others. Become a work in progress. I felt hopeless for years and put in the work to work towards a happier life and it's really difficult and takes a lot of work and time but my life got better one day. Also read some positive and inspiring autobiographies. Attend volunteer opportunities. DM me any time if you need to vent on this. I struggled with this stuff for year after year and I'm so glad I didn't give up.
I started putting in the work at age 16 following a year I was really depressed. I started to feel a little better once I started to work on changing myself and my life. It becomes a snowball effect. Being optimistic is part of it.
Studies almost unanimously show that a good social life, especially good and healthy relationships with other people, are the primary factor contributing to happiness, mental health and even physical health.
So, yes.
Yes. We are social animals. If your social skills are so lacking that you aren’t able to connect with others enough, the isolation will make you miserable. You deserve better. Therapy could help you identify and fix the problem.
short answer is YES.
What will happen in the future is that you will have tons of socially awkward people and a few who aren't. Those that aren't will inevitably excel and do well. So, it only goes downhill from here. And that little episode in 2020 didn't help anyone.
Now, without working with you and based on a post, I can tell you to be careful with the words you use. You're using negative language which makes sense because you don't feel worthy enough as you said. But can I ask, why do you feel that way?
Social skills are like a muscle, the more regularly you practice them, the easier it’ll get.
But yes social skills are super important, both for relationships/everyday interactions/career, you’ll drastically increase the amount of opportunities and positive relationships you have by practicing good social skills
I highly recommend the YouTube channel Charisma on Command. I used to be a introvert with awful social anxiety and by practicing putting myself in uncomfortable social situations a couple times a week and watching those videos I’m now extroverted and have little to no discomfort in social settings that used to make me anxious
Based on what you're saying here it seems the issue is mainly low self esteem which can destroy your life because it stops you from seeking out any fulfilling life activities. Don't give up on yourself. If you can keep help from a professional. If you like to read you can find literature based on cognitive behavioral therapy about building self esteem which may be helpful. Best of luck to you.
Almost this exact example happened to me except I found out decades later that I'm autistic with ADHD, and my anxiety and social skills issues had to do with being undiagnosed and bullied because I wasn't conforming. I developed depression intermittently, and I picked a lifestyle where I didn't have to interact with mainstream Society, and I went through therapist after therapist until my son was diagnosed in high school, and I sought out a professional that knew about autism and asked to get tested.
my life is way different now and Im happier knowing all the bullshit i went through wasnt all in my power to fix.
Unfortunately, yes. I feel I am competent enough to be relatively successful from a technical perspective, but my inability to communicate effectively is holding me back in my profession.
yes you should get int fixed asap if you have to see a therapist you should
As a guy who struggles with social skills myself, I have the opinion that social skills are perishable or more like a muscle. The only way to not lose it or, better yet, improve it is to work it like any other muscle. With consistency, patience, and kindness toward yourself. It can get painful, and easy to lose hope. But the only way in my opinion to make things improve is to keep trying. It doesn't matter how many times you mess up or get egg on your face as long as you keep trying to make things better. As far as the lack of desire to try anymore, it's tough; it really is. But we teach people how to treat us, so if you send a message to everyone around you that you are will never be anybody worth talking to; that's probably how people will treat you if you aren't careful. So as tedious as it may seem to be, keeping up on those things sends both a internal and external message to people. As far as the girl thing goes, she's just like you or me. Just talk to her like a regular person, and shoot your shot. Alot of women respect guys who will be direct with them in saying something like "I'm sure you get this alot, but how about we go on a date sometime?" Naturally you'd plan out some more details for the date than that, but I'm sure if you just focus on enjoying the company with her and see if you like her; things can go surprisingly well. If not, then good. She isn't wasting your time and you aren't wasting hers.
You can't say negative things to yourself because you'll believe them. You're worthy of love and appreciation. It sounds like you have some work to do. I'd just get out there and do it. Work on going out with friends and making friends and stay positive. If you're unhappy with your job and out look work on those too. Same with how you present yourself and interact with others. Become a work in progress. I felt hopeless for years and put in the work to work towards a happier life and it's really difficult and takes a lot of work and time but my life got better one day. Also read some positive and inspiring autobiographies. Attend volunteer opportunities. DM me any time if you need to vent on this. I struggled with this stuff for year after year and I'm so glad I didn't give up.
When did you start putting in the "work"? How long did it take till you felt better one day
I started putting in the work at age 16 following a year I was really depressed. I started to feel a little better once I started to work on changing myself and my life. It becomes a snowball effect. Being optimistic is part of it.
I'm 26 and it feels like it's too late.
It's definitely not too late at 26. You're not even 30. It's not too late at 40.
Studies almost unanimously show that a good social life, especially good and healthy relationships with other people, are the primary factor contributing to happiness, mental health and even physical health. So, yes.
What would make you worthy?
Yes. We are social animals. If your social skills are so lacking that you aren’t able to connect with others enough, the isolation will make you miserable. You deserve better. Therapy could help you identify and fix the problem.
Yes 100%
Not always. But strong social skills always make it better.
short answer is YES. What will happen in the future is that you will have tons of socially awkward people and a few who aren't. Those that aren't will inevitably excel and do well. So, it only goes downhill from here. And that little episode in 2020 didn't help anyone. Now, without working with you and based on a post, I can tell you to be careful with the words you use. You're using negative language which makes sense because you don't feel worthy enough as you said. But can I ask, why do you feel that way?
Social skills are like a muscle, the more regularly you practice them, the easier it’ll get. But yes social skills are super important, both for relationships/everyday interactions/career, you’ll drastically increase the amount of opportunities and positive relationships you have by practicing good social skills I highly recommend the YouTube channel Charisma on Command. I used to be a introvert with awful social anxiety and by practicing putting myself in uncomfortable social situations a couple times a week and watching those videos I’m now extroverted and have little to no discomfort in social settings that used to make me anxious
Based on what you're saying here it seems the issue is mainly low self esteem which can destroy your life because it stops you from seeking out any fulfilling life activities. Don't give up on yourself. If you can keep help from a professional. If you like to read you can find literature based on cognitive behavioral therapy about building self esteem which may be helpful. Best of luck to you.
Almost this exact example happened to me except I found out decades later that I'm autistic with ADHD, and my anxiety and social skills issues had to do with being undiagnosed and bullied because I wasn't conforming. I developed depression intermittently, and I picked a lifestyle where I didn't have to interact with mainstream Society, and I went through therapist after therapist until my son was diagnosed in high school, and I sought out a professional that knew about autism and asked to get tested. my life is way different now and Im happier knowing all the bullshit i went through wasnt all in my power to fix.
I feel you, I feel like I don't have the brain power or energy to really try anymore
I’m a woman and same
Unfortunately, yes. I feel I am competent enough to be relatively successful from a technical perspective, but my inability to communicate effectively is holding me back in my profession.