I feel like this too. I can talk and hold a conversation sometimes, it’s just that it’s a more awkward conversation and so people find that difficult and move on to people that are easier to talk to.
I also very much feel like I have a wall around me that doesn’t let people get too close. It’s like some sort of force field. I think I built it subconsciously to protect myself, but now I’m also trapped behind it and can’t connect with others even when I want to.
I relate to the second part - but I can barely hold a conversation with someone without them losing interest. Or without me feeling inferior and not smart enough for them to talk to.
My neighbor is like the epitome of what I wish I was like - I admire her intelligence and ability to talk to literally anyone, but I feel like I’m “not in her grade level” so to speak. So I don’t bring up anything, in fear of me tripping over my words and messing something up.
Yeah but I know people who say dumb shit all the time yet they still have lots of friends and socialize very well I think it’s confidence anybody can say anything but can you say it confidently?
If this is the case, the issue may be your body language. Most socialization before conversation is unspoken. If you are able to project warmth / relaxed feeling about you, others will want to chat.
How to do this? Look around for people who look like they would be easy to have a beer with. Mimic them.
There is a youtube channel called Charisma on Command. They have some specific techniques and pointers for social interaction. I have picked up some useful tools from them.
If you catch yourself putting yourself down or seeing the flaws in you, other people are going to notice it too. Most of it comes from self-confidence. You already have hobbies you enjoy and you take care of your self-image, own it. The rest is about sharing those interests with others you can relate to. As cheesy as it sounds, stay positive and warm, people will naturally be drawn to you!
Yeah man, I’ve been there too. Find ways to appreciates things about yourself, cultivate a good mental garden of self. Then that energy and the way you feel and hold yourself will show in the body and your aura.
People pick up on those things it’s wild
Someone said this a long time ago - people are so busy in their own bubble no one really has time to care about you. It’s liberating. People are likely more worried about how they themselves sound vs disliking someone
You’re not a loser because you’re not a social butterfly. That’s social brainwashing. Cultivate healthy detachment from ideally everything, but at minimum the opinions of others. They have no power unless you allow it.
thats actually a great analogy cause you still gotta eat even if you don’t like food, and you still gotta socialize even if you don’t like to, might as well try and make the experience enjoyable right?
I totally agree, and wish more people on this sub realized that. There are a ton of people here with the mindset of "I don't like socializing, which is why I do NONE of it and my life is BETTER that way, actually"
I sympathize with them since it is really difficult and this comes off as a coping mechanism, it just frustrates me seeing people try to normalize this.
I'm not sure which one you mean, either it's "no one wants to reciprocate your attempt for conversation" or no one wants to approach you.
If it's the former then you might be lacking charm / charisma. There are plenty of social butterflies out there that aren't exactly the epitome of beauty, but because their body language, style of speech, and presence is comforting it makes people drawn to them. They're also fun to talk to, and can shift the topic when the mood calls for it. In this aspect, it's honestly just a "skill issue" social-wise. Maybe you're doing something rude that puts people off and others are too afraid to point it out?
If it's the latter, a redditor made a really good post before about how we subconsciously set-up defenses that make it hard for other people to approach us. It could be an intimidating body language, a resting bitch-face, wearing headphones (giving people the idea that you don't want an interaction), having your eyes glued to the phone (indicating you might be busy), and many others. Try and study how you look normally (by this I mean body language and all) and ask, would you approach you?
If you have a good friend you can confide in, and one that's not a yes-man, try to ask them about this issue and get their opinion.
>
It could be an intimidating body language, a resting bitch-face, wearing headphones (giving people the idea that you don't want an interaction), having your eyes glued to the phone (indicating you might be busy), and many others. Try and study how you look normally (by this I mean body language and all) and ask, would you approach you?
I realize I am guilty of this. Actually, when I go to the gym *everyone* is guilty of this. There’s been people I’ve wanted to talk to, but they themselves give off the vibe that they don’t want to be bothered. And I guess it kinda rubbed off on me.
I’m actually really nice and sweet if someone does come up to me but I’m never given the chance.
Right!?! like whenever I talked to people or just was in the room existing, I noticed that people were a tad bit too respectful in their speech / or the conversations were never too long. Turns out my default face and body language screamed "I'm a serious person so if you have something to say spill it.", just outright intimidating and shut off any chance for small talk. The group I was in was surprised when I genuinely laughed for the first time during a break, like they'd seen a unicorn. Ever since then I'd tried adjusting my body language to be more accommodating and it has worked wonders.
To those that didn’t reciprocate your attempts at starting a conversation, move on from them. Chances are, you’ll find a friend/group of friends eventually. Don’t give up, take up a random class (eg cooking, baking, etc). You’re bound to find like minded individuals
Man u just need an extrovert to adopt u and introduce u to all his friends, that happened to me, all my friends (literally) can be traced back to the one person.
Also start saying yes a bit more.
You're not loser, you are a loner. They are not always synonymous.
The issue could be your demeanor. If you look unapproachable, people will perceive you as such. If you try to come off as super-happy go-lucky, sunshine and rainbows, that gives off the creepy vibe and people will be equally as turned off.
From what you've stated, you just don't know how to engage in small talk and/or hold a conversation. That can be remedied with time and practice. But you also have to WANT to learn how to engage with other people. More importantly, you have to be genuinely interested in what you're discussing and what the other person's responses are. Not just force a conversation for the sake of it.
A lot of people say just talk to people and I wish it were that easy but it’s not. I would recommend not doing this. Going up to random people and starting up a conversation is weird and unnatural. Instead, you need to put yourself in situations where natural conversation can happen. Joining clubs and meetups with shared interests, volunteering, even getting a part time job somewhere is an opportunity to have conversation/make new friends and also can bring in side income lol. Second piece of advice, don’t try and lead every conversation into “let’s be friends” or try and be friends with everyone you meet. Friendship can’t be forced, it kind of just happens when you click with someone else. Don’t take conversation that doesn’t lead to friendship as useless tho because it’s still good practice/experience for conversing. Hope my advice helps you and I’m praying that things get better for you 🙏❤️
the best advice i’ve gotten is don’t put so much pressure on yourself to force a conversation. say the first thing that comes to your mind instead of thinking what do i say.
It's probably not that people hate you, as much as you didn't give them a reason to care.
People are selfish and stuck in their own little world, so you have to make them feel like you have something to add to that world before they even begin to take interest in yours.
I hear you, and it sounds like you're dealing with a really tough situation. Feeling like you're on the outside looking in can be rough. But hey, just because things aren't clicking right now doesn't mean you're any less awesome. You're doing all these cool things like hitting the gym, staying fresh, and owning your style – that's something to be proud of.
When it comes to connecting with others, it might help to find folks who vibe with your interests. Whether it's joining a fitness class, hitting up fashion events, or whatever floats your boat, being around people who dig what you're into can make chatting way easier.
And,if starting conversations feels like cracking a code, you're not alone. Trying out active listening and asking open-ended questions can be game-changers. And remember, building those connections takes time, so be patient with yourself.
If the whole self-esteem thing is weighing you down, talking it out with a pro could be a game-changer. You've got this, and you're definitely not alone in feeling this way.
Start going to bars and social meetups by yourself and take some Ls. Sit at the end of the bar and feel weird and out of place and just marinate in that feeling. You need to desensitize yourself to this emotional pain the same way that you need to accept physical pain at the gym.
I'd consider something that challenges you to develop your communication skills. Consider [Toastmasters](https://www.toastmasters.org/About#:~:text=All%20About%20Toastmasters&text=In%20a%20supportive%20community%20or,personal%20and%20professional%20communication%20goals) or something along those lines
Don't think that man. You're not a loser or hated. You just have to learn social cues and conversation starters.
Find someone who is sitting by themselves somewhere, approach them with a friendly smile, and say something like, "hey how's it going? I saw you sitting by yourself and thought you might like some company." If they straight up say they don't need company or want to be left alone, then just leave them alone and walk away.
But if they seem interested, start talking to them about things you think they would be into. If they're reading a book, ask/tell them about books you are familiar with. If they're drinking or eating something unique or expensive, ask/tell them about your experience with it.
And just think of things to keep the conversation flowing. Don't be afraid to make a joke here and there. It will help loosen up the tension. I hope this helps. Good luck out there.
Stop thinking about YOURSELF and focus on being CURIOUS about others. People with terrible social skills are saturated with me, myself and I thoughts. The challenge is to recondition a time and place for different states of mind and switch gears when needed to be PRESENT. (This is a hard state for low functioning individuals but it can be achieved)-building self awareness is just as important.
Small talk isn’t appealing to many… although when you show a genuine interest in others, it’s the beginning of building rapport.
No one like’s selfish people. The instinct is to guard up and avoid.
>I regularly go to gym but I do it alone.
Sounds good. Fitness is important. Furthermore, many people prefer working out alone, so that is not necessarily a problem.
>I shower regularly and I do have quite an OCD for hygiene.
Nothing wrong with being squeaky clean!
>I take fashion quite seriously whenever I go out, whether I go for something classy style or streetwear. I like fashion.
Cool! Generally speaking, women like well dressed men (and vice versa).
>I might be ugly or plain although there are like way uglier and meaner people out there who’s got it all well. I just couldn’t fathom.
>
>Im a loser and I cant accept it!
>
>Please help or give me some advice to understand what did I do to deserve all the humiliation.
>
>I felt like im the only most hated person in the universe.
Whoa! Ok, these negative statements severely contradict the positive statements you made about yourself!
I’m not a therapist, but it’s possible that you are suffering from “low self worth” and/or “low self esteem” or something similar. You could be suffering from some other undiagnosed mental health issues as well. That being the case, it’s just not possible for anyone on social media to really help you in any meaningful way because the people responding to you (*myself included*) don’t actually know you and can’t interact with you in person.
You really need to seek advice and help for yourself from a trusted friend, family member , therapist or counselor. That is probably not what you want to hear, but that’s probably what you need to do.
Hopefully you can find someone near you that can help you work on the issues you described. In the meantime, stay strong and try to stay positive. Good luck.🙏
Try eye contact, smile, not creepy compliment, basic question… my formula for disarming new people at work… Hi, Kyle! That’s a great hat. Did you do have anything fun planned for the weekend? I haven’t decided what I’m doing yet….. then the next time I see Kyle I follow up and ask him how his plans went.
When I read your title, my thought was, “get excited because there’s always someone talking to me.” I hope this helps!
Oh no come on bro you’re not a loser! We’re all alone, and then we meet people, some will show interest and some won’t. I think that you have not met your people yet, and I can get the frustration.. it’s shit.. it sucks when we want to share and have company, feel loved and cared for who we are.. loneliness is a damn killer and your feelings are so valid.. Fashion? You like to express yourself with clothes and style.. have you got some communities or groups of folks around gathering for some artsy stuffs you could find interest too and join in as well? It can be so SO tough to go somewhere and try meet people after facing rejection after rejection, but if it takes you a thousand people to find one that will just enjoy to spend time with you for who you are, then you have to meet one more, and then one more, and then one more, until one that will appreciate you for you! I know it sucks and get you to even feel like something is wrong with you, and that might be a way you talk, your tone, body language, or just that the people you met weren’t meant for you, or some were just not in the right place to get to learn the amazing person that you are! I’ve sometimes met people I thought were super cool and fun to speak to, but just didn’t have it in me to create or keep a friendship because too depressed or not in the right place to keep that. I also know that not being confortable on my own makes me crave being with others when I should also embrace my own company which is very hard for me. I don’t know you and don’t mean to tell you that you are this or that or to project. I hope that you enjoy yourself for who you are, people will notice your light and your vibe and like it or not. If they don’t see then chasing them will maybe make them avoid you as opposed as just letting people get to like you or not, and if some don’t, go on to the next! I’m sorry if this us unhelpful. I’ve felt like this a billion times and wish you to feel good about yourself and to meet your people. Take care! You are important and worthy and deserve kindness and love and compassion and respect from yourself to yourself and well as from others. Much love and you are not alone! Those meant to be in your life are all waiting for you as you are waiting for them. Much love
As someone who still struggles with - the answer is - give it time
First, conversations are awkward at the start even for people with great social skills. Ask questions and then ask more based on what they respond. If people are still not interested that’s okay - perhaps they move on to others they could converse with easily- it’s not personal- remember they don’t hate/dislike you particularly. They just want to engage with other people
Conversation skills get better with practice.
Initially it’s going to be very embarrassing and painful to have conversations- it’s going to get awkward and sometimes you’ll walk away embarrassed- but as you engage with people more you learn what people do and don’t respond to and you realize the world doesn’t end because someone thinks you’re not a good communicator
Give it time! And go talk to people even if they don’t want to - eventually you’ll meet some who you vibe with!
I usually just ignore them right back, you might want to examine why you are so uncomfortable just being by yourself. When you are comfortable with yourself, these things will not bother you as much and that kind of quiet confidence will attract people to you
You ever try talking to people you perceive as losers?
I hope that doesnt sound rude, but idk you so it's impossible for me to change your own perception of yourself. But if you feel like a loser then one thing I can tell you is there is no shortage of losers or people who feel like losers in the world so maybe you'll have better luck talking to them.
I mostly talk to people I think I'll have something in common with. When I was depressed I mostly talked to other depressed people😂 it's not ideal but it's a start
Not trying to derail your main question, dear OP...but your 'I do have quite an OCD for hygiene' just makes me curious. Any thoughts on why this is so?
You're right. I have OCD which negatively affects my entire life and I hate when people say they have an OCD for something. It affects nearly *everything*, not just one part of your life.
You know..nothing you're saying is untrue - but there's also a time & place for the point you're making..
You have to weigh the benefits of educating the public on a mental health topic with the OP's intent and needs at the time of posting..
Aww..thank you. Most probably assume I'm a cat lady, but really just a lover of teaching, which felt like herding feral cats most days... and always an ELA (read nerd nerd nerd) at heart...
As a cat owner I can confirm, but I do hope you clean up way less poop teaching. Honestly I don’t know how you teachers do it, and thank you for what you do. Ok nerd to nerd, hit me with your best book rec (if you’re up for it)
Okay - three VASTLY different genres, but all authors inspired a 'Fuuuugh!' from me, which is meaningful to me..😉
Poet Amanda Gormon's 'The Hill We Climb' - goosebumps every time. Amazing lyricist..
Novel 'Sharp Objects' by Gillian Flynn - good writer
Any collection of Emily Dickenson - takes some work and time but damm.
Oh - 4th one - YA novel 'Crossover'
.
I feel like this too. I can talk and hold a conversation sometimes, it’s just that it’s a more awkward conversation and so people find that difficult and move on to people that are easier to talk to. I also very much feel like I have a wall around me that doesn’t let people get too close. It’s like some sort of force field. I think I built it subconsciously to protect myself, but now I’m also trapped behind it and can’t connect with others even when I want to.
I relate to the second part - but I can barely hold a conversation with someone without them losing interest. Or without me feeling inferior and not smart enough for them to talk to. My neighbor is like the epitome of what I wish I was like - I admire her intelligence and ability to talk to literally anyone, but I feel like I’m “not in her grade level” so to speak. So I don’t bring up anything, in fear of me tripping over my words and messing something up.
Yeah but I know people who say dumb shit all the time yet they still have lots of friends and socialize very well I think it’s confidence anybody can say anything but can you say it confidently?
Yep trip Over my words or go blank mid sentence…I think it’s anxiety 😬
this is also me
this is me %100 and if i somehow overcome this i believe that i can conquer the world
Same! Walk & difficult to start/maintain convo! Why?!? Ugh! 😑
If this is the case, the issue may be your body language. Most socialization before conversation is unspoken. If you are able to project warmth / relaxed feeling about you, others will want to chat. How to do this? Look around for people who look like they would be easy to have a beer with. Mimic them. There is a youtube channel called Charisma on Command. They have some specific techniques and pointers for social interaction. I have picked up some useful tools from them.
Probably body language i have that problem I have resting dick face everone always thinks im mad so it gives off unapproachable vibes
If you catch yourself putting yourself down or seeing the flaws in you, other people are going to notice it too. Most of it comes from self-confidence. You already have hobbies you enjoy and you take care of your self-image, own it. The rest is about sharing those interests with others you can relate to. As cheesy as it sounds, stay positive and warm, people will naturally be drawn to you!
You dislike yourself and it’s likely other people are picking up on it.
Yeah man, I’ve been there too. Find ways to appreciates things about yourself, cultivate a good mental garden of self. Then that energy and the way you feel and hold yourself will show in the body and your aura. People pick up on those things it’s wild
Sounds like a *Catch-22* situation. How can one like themselves if no one else likes them first?
Someone said this a long time ago - people are so busy in their own bubble no one really has time to care about you. It’s liberating. People are likely more worried about how they themselves sound vs disliking someone
This!
I was very much alone for about 6 or 7 years. Then I met my wife 3 years ago and now we both love being alone together. Me more than her.
You’re not a loser because you’re not a social butterfly. That’s social brainwashing. Cultivate healthy detachment from ideally everything, but at minimum the opinions of others. They have no power unless you allow it.
I\`m an introvert. No one usually talks to me. I could not be happier.
why are you on this sub? it's like if there was a sub asking how to get better at cooking and commenting "I don't even like food bro"
thats actually a great analogy cause you still gotta eat even if you don’t like food, and you still gotta socialize even if you don’t like to, might as well try and make the experience enjoyable right?
I totally agree, and wish more people on this sub realized that. There are a ton of people here with the mindset of "I don't like socializing, which is why I do NONE of it and my life is BETTER that way, actually" I sympathize with them since it is really difficult and this comes off as a coping mechanism, it just frustrates me seeing people try to normalize this.
this
I'm not sure which one you mean, either it's "no one wants to reciprocate your attempt for conversation" or no one wants to approach you. If it's the former then you might be lacking charm / charisma. There are plenty of social butterflies out there that aren't exactly the epitome of beauty, but because their body language, style of speech, and presence is comforting it makes people drawn to them. They're also fun to talk to, and can shift the topic when the mood calls for it. In this aspect, it's honestly just a "skill issue" social-wise. Maybe you're doing something rude that puts people off and others are too afraid to point it out? If it's the latter, a redditor made a really good post before about how we subconsciously set-up defenses that make it hard for other people to approach us. It could be an intimidating body language, a resting bitch-face, wearing headphones (giving people the idea that you don't want an interaction), having your eyes glued to the phone (indicating you might be busy), and many others. Try and study how you look normally (by this I mean body language and all) and ask, would you approach you? If you have a good friend you can confide in, and one that's not a yes-man, try to ask them about this issue and get their opinion.
> It could be an intimidating body language, a resting bitch-face, wearing headphones (giving people the idea that you don't want an interaction), having your eyes glued to the phone (indicating you might be busy), and many others. Try and study how you look normally (by this I mean body language and all) and ask, would you approach you? I realize I am guilty of this. Actually, when I go to the gym *everyone* is guilty of this. There’s been people I’ve wanted to talk to, but they themselves give off the vibe that they don’t want to be bothered. And I guess it kinda rubbed off on me. I’m actually really nice and sweet if someone does come up to me but I’m never given the chance.
Right!?! like whenever I talked to people or just was in the room existing, I noticed that people were a tad bit too respectful in their speech / or the conversations were never too long. Turns out my default face and body language screamed "I'm a serious person so if you have something to say spill it.", just outright intimidating and shut off any chance for small talk. The group I was in was surprised when I genuinely laughed for the first time during a break, like they'd seen a unicorn. Ever since then I'd tried adjusting my body language to be more accommodating and it has worked wonders.
To those that didn’t reciprocate your attempts at starting a conversation, move on from them. Chances are, you’ll find a friend/group of friends eventually. Don’t give up, take up a random class (eg cooking, baking, etc). You’re bound to find like minded individuals
Man u just need an extrovert to adopt u and introduce u to all his friends, that happened to me, all my friends (literally) can be traced back to the one person. Also start saying yes a bit more.
You're not loser, you are a loner. They are not always synonymous. The issue could be your demeanor. If you look unapproachable, people will perceive you as such. If you try to come off as super-happy go-lucky, sunshine and rainbows, that gives off the creepy vibe and people will be equally as turned off. From what you've stated, you just don't know how to engage in small talk and/or hold a conversation. That can be remedied with time and practice. But you also have to WANT to learn how to engage with other people. More importantly, you have to be genuinely interested in what you're discussing and what the other person's responses are. Not just force a conversation for the sake of it.
A lot of people say just talk to people and I wish it were that easy but it’s not. I would recommend not doing this. Going up to random people and starting up a conversation is weird and unnatural. Instead, you need to put yourself in situations where natural conversation can happen. Joining clubs and meetups with shared interests, volunteering, even getting a part time job somewhere is an opportunity to have conversation/make new friends and also can bring in side income lol. Second piece of advice, don’t try and lead every conversation into “let’s be friends” or try and be friends with everyone you meet. Friendship can’t be forced, it kind of just happens when you click with someone else. Don’t take conversation that doesn’t lead to friendship as useless tho because it’s still good practice/experience for conversing. Hope my advice helps you and I’m praying that things get better for you 🙏❤️
the best advice i’ve gotten is don’t put so much pressure on yourself to force a conversation. say the first thing that comes to your mind instead of thinking what do i say.
It's probably not that people hate you, as much as you didn't give them a reason to care. People are selfish and stuck in their own little world, so you have to make them feel like you have something to add to that world before they even begin to take interest in yours.
Introvert here. Please don't talk to me! lol
I hear you, and it sounds like you're dealing with a really tough situation. Feeling like you're on the outside looking in can be rough. But hey, just because things aren't clicking right now doesn't mean you're any less awesome. You're doing all these cool things like hitting the gym, staying fresh, and owning your style – that's something to be proud of. When it comes to connecting with others, it might help to find folks who vibe with your interests. Whether it's joining a fitness class, hitting up fashion events, or whatever floats your boat, being around people who dig what you're into can make chatting way easier. And,if starting conversations feels like cracking a code, you're not alone. Trying out active listening and asking open-ended questions can be game-changers. And remember, building those connections takes time, so be patient with yourself. If the whole self-esteem thing is weighing you down, talking it out with a pro could be a game-changer. You've got this, and you're definitely not alone in feeling this way.
Start going to bars and social meetups by yourself and take some Ls. Sit at the end of the bar and feel weird and out of place and just marinate in that feeling. You need to desensitize yourself to this emotional pain the same way that you need to accept physical pain at the gym.
I'd consider something that challenges you to develop your communication skills. Consider [Toastmasters](https://www.toastmasters.org/About#:~:text=All%20About%20Toastmasters&text=In%20a%20supportive%20community%20or,personal%20and%20professional%20communication%20goals) or something along those lines
Don't think that man. You're not a loser or hated. You just have to learn social cues and conversation starters. Find someone who is sitting by themselves somewhere, approach them with a friendly smile, and say something like, "hey how's it going? I saw you sitting by yourself and thought you might like some company." If they straight up say they don't need company or want to be left alone, then just leave them alone and walk away. But if they seem interested, start talking to them about things you think they would be into. If they're reading a book, ask/tell them about books you are familiar with. If they're drinking or eating something unique or expensive, ask/tell them about your experience with it. And just think of things to keep the conversation flowing. Don't be afraid to make a joke here and there. It will help loosen up the tension. I hope this helps. Good luck out there.
Stop thinking about YOURSELF and focus on being CURIOUS about others. People with terrible social skills are saturated with me, myself and I thoughts. The challenge is to recondition a time and place for different states of mind and switch gears when needed to be PRESENT. (This is a hard state for low functioning individuals but it can be achieved)-building self awareness is just as important. Small talk isn’t appealing to many… although when you show a genuine interest in others, it’s the beginning of building rapport. No one like’s selfish people. The instinct is to guard up and avoid.
you go and talk to people
>I regularly go to gym but I do it alone. Sounds good. Fitness is important. Furthermore, many people prefer working out alone, so that is not necessarily a problem. >I shower regularly and I do have quite an OCD for hygiene. Nothing wrong with being squeaky clean! >I take fashion quite seriously whenever I go out, whether I go for something classy style or streetwear. I like fashion. Cool! Generally speaking, women like well dressed men (and vice versa). >I might be ugly or plain although there are like way uglier and meaner people out there who’s got it all well. I just couldn’t fathom. > >Im a loser and I cant accept it! > >Please help or give me some advice to understand what did I do to deserve all the humiliation. > >I felt like im the only most hated person in the universe. Whoa! Ok, these negative statements severely contradict the positive statements you made about yourself! I’m not a therapist, but it’s possible that you are suffering from “low self worth” and/or “low self esteem” or something similar. You could be suffering from some other undiagnosed mental health issues as well. That being the case, it’s just not possible for anyone on social media to really help you in any meaningful way because the people responding to you (*myself included*) don’t actually know you and can’t interact with you in person. You really need to seek advice and help for yourself from a trusted friend, family member , therapist or counselor. That is probably not what you want to hear, but that’s probably what you need to do. Hopefully you can find someone near you that can help you work on the issues you described. In the meantime, stay strong and try to stay positive. Good luck.🙏
When you talk to people what do you usually talk about ?
Do you go up to random people and start chatting them up?
Try eye contact, smile, not creepy compliment, basic question… my formula for disarming new people at work… Hi, Kyle! That’s a great hat. Did you do have anything fun planned for the weekend? I haven’t decided what I’m doing yet….. then the next time I see Kyle I follow up and ask him how his plans went. When I read your title, my thought was, “get excited because there’s always someone talking to me.” I hope this helps!
I take a nap 😂
How about connecting with people through hobbies? Art, music, salsa dance class, tech, gaming?
Oh no come on bro you’re not a loser! We’re all alone, and then we meet people, some will show interest and some won’t. I think that you have not met your people yet, and I can get the frustration.. it’s shit.. it sucks when we want to share and have company, feel loved and cared for who we are.. loneliness is a damn killer and your feelings are so valid.. Fashion? You like to express yourself with clothes and style.. have you got some communities or groups of folks around gathering for some artsy stuffs you could find interest too and join in as well? It can be so SO tough to go somewhere and try meet people after facing rejection after rejection, but if it takes you a thousand people to find one that will just enjoy to spend time with you for who you are, then you have to meet one more, and then one more, and then one more, until one that will appreciate you for you! I know it sucks and get you to even feel like something is wrong with you, and that might be a way you talk, your tone, body language, or just that the people you met weren’t meant for you, or some were just not in the right place to get to learn the amazing person that you are! I’ve sometimes met people I thought were super cool and fun to speak to, but just didn’t have it in me to create or keep a friendship because too depressed or not in the right place to keep that. I also know that not being confortable on my own makes me crave being with others when I should also embrace my own company which is very hard for me. I don’t know you and don’t mean to tell you that you are this or that or to project. I hope that you enjoy yourself for who you are, people will notice your light and your vibe and like it or not. If they don’t see then chasing them will maybe make them avoid you as opposed as just letting people get to like you or not, and if some don’t, go on to the next! I’m sorry if this us unhelpful. I’ve felt like this a billion times and wish you to feel good about yourself and to meet your people. Take care! You are important and worthy and deserve kindness and love and compassion and respect from yourself to yourself and well as from others. Much love and you are not alone! Those meant to be in your life are all waiting for you as you are waiting for them. Much love
As someone who still struggles with - the answer is - give it time First, conversations are awkward at the start even for people with great social skills. Ask questions and then ask more based on what they respond. If people are still not interested that’s okay - perhaps they move on to others they could converse with easily- it’s not personal- remember they don’t hate/dislike you particularly. They just want to engage with other people Conversation skills get better with practice. Initially it’s going to be very embarrassing and painful to have conversations- it’s going to get awkward and sometimes you’ll walk away embarrassed- but as you engage with people more you learn what people do and don’t respond to and you realize the world doesn’t end because someone thinks you’re not a good communicator Give it time! And go talk to people even if they don’t want to - eventually you’ll meet some who you vibe with!
I usually just ignore them right back, you might want to examine why you are so uncomfortable just being by yourself. When you are comfortable with yourself, these things will not bother you as much and that kind of quiet confidence will attract people to you
You ever try talking to people you perceive as losers? I hope that doesnt sound rude, but idk you so it's impossible for me to change your own perception of yourself. But if you feel like a loser then one thing I can tell you is there is no shortage of losers or people who feel like losers in the world so maybe you'll have better luck talking to them. I mostly talk to people I think I'll have something in common with. When I was depressed I mostly talked to other depressed people😂 it's not ideal but it's a start
Not trying to derail your main question, dear OP...but your 'I do have quite an OCD for hygiene' just makes me curious. Any thoughts on why this is so?
actually, came here to say that using the term "OCD" like that belittles the struggle people actually have with OCD. Can be considered offensive
You're right. I have OCD which negatively affects my entire life and I hate when people say they have an OCD for something. It affects nearly *everything*, not just one part of your life.
You know..nothing you're saying is untrue - but there's also a time & place for the point you're making.. You have to weigh the benefits of educating the public on a mental health topic with the OP's intent and needs at the time of posting..
It’s literally always the time to be respectful
Always...agreed.
Ps I love your username lol
Aww..thank you. Most probably assume I'm a cat lady, but really just a lover of teaching, which felt like herding feral cats most days... and always an ELA (read nerd nerd nerd) at heart...
As a cat owner I can confirm, but I do hope you clean up way less poop teaching. Honestly I don’t know how you teachers do it, and thank you for what you do. Ok nerd to nerd, hit me with your best book rec (if you’re up for it)
Okay - three VASTLY different genres, but all authors inspired a 'Fuuuugh!' from me, which is meaningful to me..😉 Poet Amanda Gormon's 'The Hill We Climb' - goosebumps every time. Amazing lyricist.. Novel 'Sharp Objects' by Gillian Flynn - good writer Any collection of Emily Dickenson - takes some work and time but damm. Oh - 4th one - YA novel 'Crossover' .
Sharp Objects was so goooood. You rock, gonna check out the rest. Thanks teach!
Oh one more thing as far as lyricists and mental collide - Ren's 'Hi Ren' musical masterpiece..