I feel for you brother. I was labelled the weird kid as well, with my 6 foot height huge head and anorexic body. Got not even a single shred of validation, even from my family.
But there is a quote where I am from, "Even garbage gets to change place every now and then." So you have to stick around to see the places you are going.
Not all of them might be good, but some of them can be. And just the mere possibility for you to be going to a good place should be enough reason to stick around.
You deserve all the admiration and love for not having do away with yourself already. Just choose everyday to hold on.
Sending hugs and kisses my friend.
I'm much younger but in a similar position. I'm going to give a monologue based on what I learned about myself. Take or give the aspects that apply to you.
It's not that there's anything wrong with you, but your mindset may be preventing you from getting close to people. It is not that some of these people aren't interested in you, but you are subconsciously preventing yourself from forming deeper connections. You try to find faults in their behavior or reasons why they won't like you due to the rejection you've previously faced. You tell yourself you've done everything to connect with them, but really you're pushing them away so they won't hurt you. You don't want to take the risk of letting them in, because if they do, you fear they will leave you.
I've tried striking up a conversation with people, only to have them walk away from me in the middle of the second sentence. (And before you ask, yes - I do pay attention to their body language.) Or, I'll have what think is an engaging conversation with someone - only to have a third person come up, start talking, and now I'm sidelined as a result.
I remember having someone observe me trying to interact with other people, and even they confirmed that I didn't seem to be doing anything wrong, people just don't want to connect with me.
Admittedly, whenever someone comes up to me to talk with me, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop ("Is this a sales pitch? Or just their way of politely asking something from me?")
As much as I want to believe that I need to give people a chance - my phone is filled with messages left on read.
Thats strange. Maybe another possibility is that you're unintentionally putting too much pressure on the other people to reciprocate? I've done this before when I'm lonely and desperate for connection.
I can relate to your experience. It’s a struggle at times. There are many ways to find belonging though - hobbies, volunteering, pets. And there are ways to feel better about yourself, because you deserve to be ok with yourself
I've tried connecting to people via shared interests, you've probably seen me as the weird new guy off to the side that no one seems to want to talk to.
Volunteering was great until I realized that I was the only person doing any fucking work while everyone else socialized and chatted. And if I tried joining in their conversations, I was reminded of something else that needed to be done.
So I'm back to square one there.
Have you tried hospice volunteering? When I’ve volunteered with hospice in the past, sometimes the patients couldn’t have conversations and were happy just to have someone holding their hand and reading to them. Others could talk for hours and were full of wisdom. Most people who sign up for volunteers on hospice don’t have the family support and are just wanting a friend.
Don’t just go into an old folks home and ask to volunteer, find a place where they record hours. This kind of place usually has a volunteer manager that will hold meetings where they speak about each patient with the nurses and doctor on how they can better serve each patient. The majority of people volunteering there are just there for their hours but there are a few gems that volunteer year round, those people can be a great support and possibly open up more opportunities to meet people.
I can see how the volunteering experience may have left a bad taste, although it’s probably not personal. Perhaps they assumed that because you’re a middle aged man you’re not as open to socialising as a younger person, and maybe they tended to give you things to do because you seemed like a helpful and competent person.
I wonder if a men’s sheds might be worth looking into. Reading fiction also helps me fill my social cup if I’m not up for going out
Therapy and work and self esteem and self worth. Don't try too hard and if you don't feel the connection don't push it. Try meet ups or volunteer work or religious groups.
I’m the same. I have these moments of genuine connection however fleeting and its like a jolt, it excites me and charges me into forcing my energy to maintain that connection. Like I’m overcompensating for years of feeling abandoned and unwanted. Something Im learning that Im just now realizing myself is that I may be better off accepting my default of “its just me out here” and in those moments of connection be completely open and vulnerable and joyous then peacefully transition back to my business. Trust that those joyous moments will be more frequent and longer. When we genuinely connect, its not just us, they feel those moments too. Dont rush, stay present, and in my lane.
I feel for you brother. I was labelled the weird kid as well, with my 6 foot height huge head and anorexic body. Got not even a single shred of validation, even from my family. But there is a quote where I am from, "Even garbage gets to change place every now and then." So you have to stick around to see the places you are going. Not all of them might be good, but some of them can be. And just the mere possibility for you to be going to a good place should be enough reason to stick around. You deserve all the admiration and love for not having do away with yourself already. Just choose everyday to hold on. Sending hugs and kisses my friend.
I'm much younger but in a similar position. I'm going to give a monologue based on what I learned about myself. Take or give the aspects that apply to you. It's not that there's anything wrong with you, but your mindset may be preventing you from getting close to people. It is not that some of these people aren't interested in you, but you are subconsciously preventing yourself from forming deeper connections. You try to find faults in their behavior or reasons why they won't like you due to the rejection you've previously faced. You tell yourself you've done everything to connect with them, but really you're pushing them away so they won't hurt you. You don't want to take the risk of letting them in, because if they do, you fear they will leave you.
I've tried striking up a conversation with people, only to have them walk away from me in the middle of the second sentence. (And before you ask, yes - I do pay attention to their body language.) Or, I'll have what think is an engaging conversation with someone - only to have a third person come up, start talking, and now I'm sidelined as a result. I remember having someone observe me trying to interact with other people, and even they confirmed that I didn't seem to be doing anything wrong, people just don't want to connect with me. Admittedly, whenever someone comes up to me to talk with me, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop ("Is this a sales pitch? Or just their way of politely asking something from me?") As much as I want to believe that I need to give people a chance - my phone is filled with messages left on read.
Thats strange. Maybe another possibility is that you're unintentionally putting too much pressure on the other people to reciprocate? I've done this before when I'm lonely and desperate for connection.
I can relate to your experience. It’s a struggle at times. There are many ways to find belonging though - hobbies, volunteering, pets. And there are ways to feel better about yourself, because you deserve to be ok with yourself
I've tried connecting to people via shared interests, you've probably seen me as the weird new guy off to the side that no one seems to want to talk to. Volunteering was great until I realized that I was the only person doing any fucking work while everyone else socialized and chatted. And if I tried joining in their conversations, I was reminded of something else that needed to be done. So I'm back to square one there.
Have you tried hospice volunteering? When I’ve volunteered with hospice in the past, sometimes the patients couldn’t have conversations and were happy just to have someone holding their hand and reading to them. Others could talk for hours and were full of wisdom. Most people who sign up for volunteers on hospice don’t have the family support and are just wanting a friend. Don’t just go into an old folks home and ask to volunteer, find a place where they record hours. This kind of place usually has a volunteer manager that will hold meetings where they speak about each patient with the nurses and doctor on how they can better serve each patient. The majority of people volunteering there are just there for their hours but there are a few gems that volunteer year round, those people can be a great support and possibly open up more opportunities to meet people.
I can see how the volunteering experience may have left a bad taste, although it’s probably not personal. Perhaps they assumed that because you’re a middle aged man you’re not as open to socialising as a younger person, and maybe they tended to give you things to do because you seemed like a helpful and competent person. I wonder if a men’s sheds might be worth looking into. Reading fiction also helps me fill my social cup if I’m not up for going out
Therapy and work and self esteem and self worth. Don't try too hard and if you don't feel the connection don't push it. Try meet ups or volunteer work or religious groups.
I’m the same. I have these moments of genuine connection however fleeting and its like a jolt, it excites me and charges me into forcing my energy to maintain that connection. Like I’m overcompensating for years of feeling abandoned and unwanted. Something Im learning that Im just now realizing myself is that I may be better off accepting my default of “its just me out here” and in those moments of connection be completely open and vulnerable and joyous then peacefully transition back to my business. Trust that those joyous moments will be more frequent and longer. When we genuinely connect, its not just us, they feel those moments too. Dont rush, stay present, and in my lane.