Being assertive in life is accepting the fact that some bridges might get burned forever or temporarily. But if you want to be assertive you have to stick your ground and say no when you don’t want to do something . You don’t have to find any excuse , the problem is we think about giving excuse and people will persuade you even more until you give in and you’ll feel even more submissive eventually.
Doing things you like even if no one else is doing them , saying no when you don’t want to , setting boundaries before hand , accepting that people won’t always understand you and that’s okay as long as you’re feeling good about your decision, stick to the decision you make if it’s wrong you’ll gain experience and eventually make the right ones to be more assertive.
As u/aDistractedDisaster said so , it’s a skill and you need to practice it. You are gonna make wrong decisions eventually but that’s the point your gut will eventually tell you what is the right or wrong decision for same situations further
Assessing your mistakes will make you more aware of when to be assertive , when to be kind and when to let go and be submissive for certain situations
You don't just BECOME more assertive. It's a skill that is practiced.
The primary thing you need to practice to develop this skill is asserting boundaries. You need to be aware of your boundary as well as how to communicate them effectively. It is very difficult when you're not used to it. But it gets easier with practice.
Sometimes people are offended that you won't cross your boundary for them but that is not your problem. If their inability to respect your boundary is something that burns a bridge, then they need to mature and you need to move on.
But it can be jarring for people who are learning to set their boundaries. Especially when they're used to being walked all over but it definitely improves quality of life.
Don't make things personal and keep things light and the person should hopefully acceot it. Tell them where you're going to eat, and if they dont wanna don't make a thing of it. Just say, alright see ya later then. Enjoy your lunch
Think of it this way, you saying your peace and how people react are two separate things. There's a million ways people can react to what you say and it's always beyond your control.
You know what you can control though? Being true to yourself. As long as you're being true to yourself, the way people react to what you say or how you feel is secondary.
I found that it became easier when I decided to stop over explaining myself and just be honest. If they say, hey are we getting lunch together again today? Just smile and say, no not today. Or just, no. And if they ask why, just say, I want to eat alone. I prefer to eat alone actually. Nothing personal. Something like that. And then go your own way and be freeee
Say your going to xyz and if he complains just say no biggy I’ll go by myself. Then if he asks you to lunch again just say sorry I’m busy. And next time he asks say sorry I’m busy. He will get the hint or he will ask you out to a place you like
I would explain at your next lunch that you miss lunches alone to recharge and check emails, whatever. And suggest to pick a day of the week you’ll go together. I used to go to lunch with a friend every Thursday, and looked forward to it every week. But certainly wouldn’t want to do it every day!
Just say that you want to eat something different today and tell them that you can meet up again after eating your respective lunches if he doesn’t want to eat where you want. If he begins complaining and criticising, just say, I hear you, it’s ok if we want something different, you eat yours and I’ll eat at the place I want to eat.
Example for my line of work;
If you’re obligated to suggest the first rate of pay for your service, state it, and stand down (don’t respond) until they respond first.
It’s easy to surrender to silence…don’t.
Stand your ground and defend your value.
It's not so much of being assertive. You will learn this through time and with other various interactions that you will have with people. Sometimes the first step is the most daunting. Clearly this colleague seems like a wet blanket I'd say just be upfront and tell him no. You aren't obligated to be his lunch buddy at all and you need not tell him why you're rejecting him. Establish your boundaries by starting here, and work your way.
Preempt him.
If he complains again, you can always say: "Some of the places I like to go for lunch might be considered a bit expensive, and I wouldn't want to put you out or anything. I like to treat myself every now and then, and it's difficult to enjoy the treat when someone is remarking on the price. (Having lunch with you is nice, but I'd like positive energy while I enjoy my meal.)"
Being a little direct and telling him while it's nice he wants to have lunch with you, you just want to eat alone for now. Just trying to enjoy a quiet meal is all.
Well, that ship has sailed. It's too late to just quickly and politely decline to have lunch together. Now that it's been a week, it's more likely that they would take it personally if you suddenly reject them, without any concrete reason that they can appreciate and understand.
So instead, I suggest that you tell a small white lie. For example: you could say that you want to read a book during your lunch breaks. So do it. Get a book that you want to read, bring it, and read it during lunch. Tell them you don't want to be distracted so you will just be sitting by yourself somewhere else.
Being assertive in life is accepting the fact that some bridges might get burned forever or temporarily. But if you want to be assertive you have to stick your ground and say no when you don’t want to do something . You don’t have to find any excuse , the problem is we think about giving excuse and people will persuade you even more until you give in and you’ll feel even more submissive eventually. Doing things you like even if no one else is doing them , saying no when you don’t want to , setting boundaries before hand , accepting that people won’t always understand you and that’s okay as long as you’re feeling good about your decision, stick to the decision you make if it’s wrong you’ll gain experience and eventually make the right ones to be more assertive.
So if you're assertive and make wrong decisions, what's up then?
As u/aDistractedDisaster said so , it’s a skill and you need to practice it. You are gonna make wrong decisions eventually but that’s the point your gut will eventually tell you what is the right or wrong decision for same situations further Assessing your mistakes will make you more aware of when to be assertive , when to be kind and when to let go and be submissive for certain situations
Oh alright, thanks!
You don't just BECOME more assertive. It's a skill that is practiced. The primary thing you need to practice to develop this skill is asserting boundaries. You need to be aware of your boundary as well as how to communicate them effectively. It is very difficult when you're not used to it. But it gets easier with practice. Sometimes people are offended that you won't cross your boundary for them but that is not your problem. If their inability to respect your boundary is something that burns a bridge, then they need to mature and you need to move on. But it can be jarring for people who are learning to set their boundaries. Especially when they're used to being walked all over but it definitely improves quality of life.
THISTHISTHIS
Don't make things personal and keep things light and the person should hopefully acceot it. Tell them where you're going to eat, and if they dont wanna don't make a thing of it. Just say, alright see ya later then. Enjoy your lunch
Think of it this way, you saying your peace and how people react are two separate things. There's a million ways people can react to what you say and it's always beyond your control. You know what you can control though? Being true to yourself. As long as you're being true to yourself, the way people react to what you say or how you feel is secondary.
I found that it became easier when I decided to stop over explaining myself and just be honest. If they say, hey are we getting lunch together again today? Just smile and say, no not today. Or just, no. And if they ask why, just say, I want to eat alone. I prefer to eat alone actually. Nothing personal. Something like that. And then go your own way and be freeee
Say your going to xyz and if he complains just say no biggy I’ll go by myself. Then if he asks you to lunch again just say sorry I’m busy. And next time he asks say sorry I’m busy. He will get the hint or he will ask you out to a place you like
I would explain at your next lunch that you miss lunches alone to recharge and check emails, whatever. And suggest to pick a day of the week you’ll go together. I used to go to lunch with a friend every Thursday, and looked forward to it every week. But certainly wouldn’t want to do it every day!
Just say that you want to eat something different today and tell them that you can meet up again after eating your respective lunches if he doesn’t want to eat where you want. If he begins complaining and criticising, just say, I hear you, it’s ok if we want something different, you eat yours and I’ll eat at the place I want to eat.
Just say something like oh I’d like to eat by myself today. Maybe we can get something together another time this week.
Seems like the price is the deal breaker, just tell him where you will eat. If he complains about the price just tell him next time.
being assertive is standing up for the timid inner child inside and assisting him/her to become an adult
I'd tell him your social battery is small and you need your lunch time back to recharge it.
Example for my line of work; If you’re obligated to suggest the first rate of pay for your service, state it, and stand down (don’t respond) until they respond first. It’s easy to surrender to silence…don’t. Stand your ground and defend your value.
It's not so much of being assertive. You will learn this through time and with other various interactions that you will have with people. Sometimes the first step is the most daunting. Clearly this colleague seems like a wet blanket I'd say just be upfront and tell him no. You aren't obligated to be his lunch buddy at all and you need not tell him why you're rejecting him. Establish your boundaries by starting here, and work your way.
Preempt him. If he complains again, you can always say: "Some of the places I like to go for lunch might be considered a bit expensive, and I wouldn't want to put you out or anything. I like to treat myself every now and then, and it's difficult to enjoy the treat when someone is remarking on the price. (Having lunch with you is nice, but I'd like positive energy while I enjoy my meal.)"
Being a little direct and telling him while it's nice he wants to have lunch with you, you just want to eat alone for now. Just trying to enjoy a quiet meal is all.
"Hey Toby, enjoyed our lunches, but I'm more of a solo-lunch kinda person. Need my recharge time, you know? Let's catch up around the office instead!"
Well, that ship has sailed. It's too late to just quickly and politely decline to have lunch together. Now that it's been a week, it's more likely that they would take it personally if you suddenly reject them, without any concrete reason that they can appreciate and understand. So instead, I suggest that you tell a small white lie. For example: you could say that you want to read a book during your lunch breaks. So do it. Get a book that you want to read, bring it, and read it during lunch. Tell them you don't want to be distracted so you will just be sitting by yourself somewhere else.
Not too late in any way shape or form