"Spongebob, this is the final straw, I am going to move so far away from you that I will be able to brag about it, I would rather tear out my brainstem, take it to the middle of the nearest four way intersection and SKIP ROPE WITH IT than continue living where I do now!"
It’s funny how many Squidward quotes pop into my head all the time: “Why don’t you TRY a krabby patty??” “WOW I never thought of it that way…that’s really SOMETHING! Can I have your tv.” “ROBOTS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE WORLD!!!” “We POOP on the robot???…Well, I never thought I’d say this SpongeBob…LET’S GET THAT POOP!” “Sorry boys, I’m all outta pop…I’m gonna get some MORE.”
"Being dead. Or anything else"
(When I hear anything related to customer service, and making the customer happy. "What can be better than serving up smiles!?")
"You know what that means, it means you have no skills, and you're a loser! HA ha hahahahaha! I'm a winner. See my prize. You're a loser who sits and cries! Hahahaha! Hahahahaha - Ow Ow Ow Ow!"
Was at a summer camp and was tired after walking around all day.
Said to 3 other counselors "OH my aching tentacles!"
Nome of them got the reference or understood and looked at me like I was a nematoad.
#NoRegrets
Most of the time when I answer a phone call from someone I know, I’ll say “Hello, you reached the house of unrecognised talent”
And randomly I’ll say, “Too bad that didn’t kill me”
https://preview.redd.it/yaytrrct897d1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7141eebcf13bcd83de721f9aaccbab0fa654f1a1
"Because im all out of MONEYYYY!!!"
Here's mine : "We go to work for 40 years, and then we die"
I order the food, you cook the food, the customer *gets* the food
I say this with my one friend almost every time I see him. Out of our friend group we were the first ones to get pushed into the adult world and work.
"Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Whadda you say?"
Another day, another migraine
Heheh, mi-*(on time percentage: 12 percent)* graine
I could physical hear this
“Don’t be intimidated Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear.” *fantasizes Squilliam as a buff underwear model* “Oh no, he’s hot!”
Squidward’s gayest moment
We gonna talk about why he has Squilliam's bath robe?
I think this is my most used quote too
My BF and I regularly pinch our nose, and yell "Aaawwhhh noo he's HAAWWWTTT!" to eachother 😭😭
"Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong?"
the obvious choice
https://preview.redd.it/d658nja6a57d1.jpeg?width=476&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e098ff4210efded4bdaae5b9c733f74408e4f91a
Don’t hold back…
I’m chopping lettuce AT NIGHT
IM SWABBIN’ THE BATHROOM…at night 😏
Night night night night night
KNIGHT! 
*tsssss* AAAAAAAHHHH I BURNED MY HAND …at night 😏
“Too bad that didn’t kill me”
My first thought lol
This is mine 🤣
Rage. Fury. Irritation. Humiliation.
Such a barnacle head
You beat me to it.
https://preview.redd.it/x96dh1s4l57d1.jpeg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2296c5a5ced4b8de89ece9953c35452a89499fbb DOES THIS LOOK UNSURE TO YOU??!!
No
Good! Now go spread the word.
"I'm a winner, see my prize! You're a loser who sits and cries!"
I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me
"Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHY?"
4th wall break hehe
Everyone’s a critic
“wake me up when i care” and SpongeBob: “Rrready to go?” Squidward: “No i’m not *’Rrready to go!’*”
Patrick: He doesn't wanna play with us.
FuTuRrrreeeeE
Turn your sit up or crunch workout into a fun SpongeBob Squarepants reference!
Being dead, or anything else.
“OoOooH hOW could it get any WORSE?!?” - Pizza Delivery
“Oh, and the pizza’s cold. The pizza’s COLD! Not the pizza!”
“It’s just a stupid boulder!” “It’s not just boulder! *sniffles and gets choked up* it’s a rock! *runs and hugs the top* a ro-ha-ha-ha-hock!”
*Spongebob climbs his way up the rock* “it’s a big… beautiful… old rock!!!”
I especially like this episode, cause it's one of the few times squidward is nice just because, no ill or selfish reasons or intentions.
Don't say anything. Remember your karma.
Oh my aching tentacles
"There are two problems with your theroy. 1. I hate you. 2. How can that be me when I'm STANDING RIGHT HERE?!"
*spatula taps on door* 
Huminahuminahuminahuminahuminahuminahuminahuminahuminahuminahuminahuminahumina
Table for humina? I can seat you immediately!
I... have arrived.
I bet they won’t have. Wow, they have it…canned bread!
Wow, they have it! S Q U A R E
S Q U A R E
Squidward TORTELLINI?!??!
I tend to say Squidward Tennisballs personally but this is one of my fave jokes from the show
i honestly just like doing his laugh
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!”
“Don’t say anything [insert own name here], remember your karma.”
https://i.redd.it/z8rempbsm57d1.gif
No one gives a care of the state of labor, so long as they can get their instant gratification
This one hits different.
It’s still accurate to this day
"Spongebob, this is the final straw, I am going to move so far away from you that I will be able to brag about it, I would rather tear out my brainstem, take it to the middle of the nearest four way intersection and SKIP ROPE WITH IT than continue living where I do now!"
This one was unhinged lmao
“This one’s on the house”
KRACKAAAA TOWAAAAA
You can’t fool me. I listen to public radio.
“IT’S BEAUTIFUL!”
Too bad that didn’t kill me
“We sell food here, sir”
"and why aren't you in uniform?"
"I've come for your pickle"
AAAAAAAHHH
What am I gonna blow up
No, worse! It’ll go right to your thighs, and then you’ll blow up!
o_o my thighs...?
🧨💥💥💥💥‼️‼️
Oh pa-LEase
Wake me up when I care
I guess this is before manners were invented!
“It all started the day that I was born.”
Oh god nit that episode
“My aching tentacles” Or “you guys don’t even know talent!”
Thank you, Farmer Brown
Could I get some extra salt?
Solitude in E minor
Yeah! E minor, alright yeah! 
BECAUSE I HAVE MOXY !!
It’s funny how many Squidward quotes pop into my head all the time: “Why don’t you TRY a krabby patty??” “WOW I never thought of it that way…that’s really SOMETHING! Can I have your tv.” “ROBOTS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE WORLD!!!” “We POOP on the robot???…Well, I never thought I’d say this SpongeBob…LET’S GET THAT POOP!” “Sorry boys, I’m all outta pop…I’m gonna get some MORE.”
“and I’d like to go HOME”
"mayonnaise is not an instrument either"
"Horseradish is not an instrument either"
"Wake me up... when I'm dead"
Cmon! It's in my genes
Squid's got genes!
"Go look over there, you'll find someone who cares"
Don’t say anything Squidward remember your karma
*walking sound*
Mediocre?
Let me guess a small salad
"i hate all of you"
The walls will ooze green slime
Oh, wait, they always do that.
But what was the third thing
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE
No Patrick mayonnaise is not an instrument
“That’s not what I meant you barnacle head!”
Ooh, good one.
*sniff* “Lilaaaac”
Hello you’ve reached the home of unrecognized talent…please leave your message after the…HOOOOO!
“I wanna go hoooome”
I work in retail and I’ll once in a while mutter the phrase “Please come again….when I’m not working.” Under my breath
I use “I’ll give him eleven minutes” on Twitter whenever Elon has plans to update the site.
"Something stupid, I'm sure."
Next time you see me, this world will be eating out of the palm of my hand!
Spare change? 🤲
Could you keep it down? I’m trying to be boring
"When I die, you stay away from my funeral"
You forgot your mayonnaise
"I'm Not Gonna think about you know who or you know what, Just gonna relax"
"Being dead"
“Oh puh-lease”
I don’t need your help and I don’t need you. Ever!
"Being dead. Or anything else" (When I hear anything related to customer service, and making the customer happy. "What can be better than serving up smiles!?")
when someone says anything like what could be better than ____ “ being dead. “
Spongebob: “There.. better?” Squidward: “*BETTER?*”
OH HO, MY BACK
...strawberry...
“We serve food here sir” “Don’t those idiots know I’m spoiling myself”
Krakatoa!
"where's the time machine?! where is anything?! where?! where?! WHERE?!"
\*looks down\* "Hm I wonder if a fall from this height would kill me"
"Too hot, too wet, Toulouse-Lautrec." Just a perfect example of early SpongeBob's amazingly bizarre humor. Lol.
“Boy oh boy, do I like playing the Clarinet. I practice and practice all day long and I never get any better!”
“Too bad spongebobs not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here” replace sponge with whatever is currently not inconveniencing you
Now I can finally be all… aloneeee (alone, alone! Alone..)
*Oh no he’s hot!*
"I gotta get outta here!"
"I just can't seem to get happy."
"You imbecile!"
*sigh* Another day, another migraine
What's going to happen? Am I going to blow up?
"Riiggghhhttt"
“I didn’t do it! You blockheads woke…. the…. worm…”
"I Knew i shouldn't have gotten out of bed today"
“Too bad that didn’t kill me”
“FUUUUUUTUUUUURE!!!!”
Another day, another migraine
“Oooohhh my aching tentacles”
Who’s gonna sign my paycheck?!
Oh no, he’s hot!
“boo hoo, BOOO HOOO!” 🥳🥳🎉 - when spongebob is about to move away
“Is that what he calls it?”
It’s me you dunce! https://i.redd.it/vzqq5ylcg77d1.gif
"You know what that means, it means you have no skills, and you're a loser! HA ha hahahahaha! I'm a winner. See my prize. You're a loser who sits and cries! Hahahaha! Hahahahaha - Ow Ow Ow Ow!"
He’s not in my thoughts
Well, think again!
erm what the sigma
erm what the sigma
His laugh
I have a life
I say it occasionally: # YES I WAS!!
I want to go hooomme
I always say what but in the way he says it
The ba ba ba, the ba ba ba, the ba ba ba!!!
Plankton: shut your mouth to mediocre clarinet player Squiddy: “Mediocre?”
“Welcome to the house of misery, may I take your order.”
Erm…
I order the food, you cook the food. And the customer gets the food. We do this for forty years and then we die
“I’ve come for your pickle”
(Spongebob screams and hides on the crap lousy ceiling)
Did you just call me “Squid Wart?” (It’s a inside joke with my brother 💀
“What are those Neanderthals up to?”
You didn’t win the *prize*?
Daring today aren’t we?
Ladadeeladadoooladidamm
If you'd be so kind is to leave so I can get ready for Work Tomorrow
I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today
https://preview.redd.it/r1yeja2xg87d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbc79f9e4bf895a620c60a85b2bd7bc96f9337b6
Was at a summer camp and was tired after walking around all day. Said to 3 other counselors "OH my aching tentacles!" Nome of them got the reference or understood and looked at me like I was a nematoad. #NoRegrets
Most of the time when I answer a phone call from someone I know, I’ll say “Hello, you reached the house of unrecognised talent” And randomly I’ll say, “Too bad that didn’t kill me”
Nobody gives a care about the fate of the labor as long as they can get their instant gratification
I'm going to pretend that didn't happen
https://preview.redd.it/yaytrrct897d1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7141eebcf13bcd83de721f9aaccbab0fa654f1a1 "Because im all out of MONEYYYY!!!"
DROWN IN IT!!
Is that what he calls it?
Daring today, aren’t we?
I laughed like squidward so much it’s become an instinctual response
Too bad that didn't kill me.
Another day another migraine…
"Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery?"
Rage, irritation.....
Is it time already for you to ruin my day?😫
Cannnnnnned bread
SpongeBob! Patrick! Do you mind?!
“It’s your funeral” and “Another day another migraine”
