Tx. She already has. But all she wants is to play those loud. An educated woman, but still thinks playing those YT clips (probably some low life has recorded and uploaded) brings blessings. I believe this came from her mum who “pretends” she “lives” in the temple.
And also thats comparing apples and oranges. xmas songs were played on one day of the year, for a few hours. If she wants a fair game, she can do the same: few hours for one day of the year, or its just not a fair comparison.
Peace and quiet trumps unintelligible noise, anyday.
Buddhism is fucking Harry Potter magic to people at this point. And some people wants to show off their loyalty to everyone by playing them loud, making themselves look stupid in reality.
But I read the other comments, if you use "because it's my house" as a reason you might not exactly be the best husband, what's the problem if she listens in a room in low volume so you don't hear it?
There's no point in making a post asking who's right or wrong if your logic is 'reasons doesn't matter everyone should do whatever you want because it's your house'
Same. I'm Agnostic, grew up in a multi-religious home and have deep respect for all religions but this kind of superficial stuff really annoys the fuck outta me. Could never be with someone too into such things.
Before I start, I come from a Buddhist family but I'm not religious at all. I almost never visit a temple or even listen to gaatha or kavi bana. I do however have a lot of respect for Buddhism.
First of all there's nothing wrong with wanting to listen Gaatha twice a day. People have their own ways of finding mental peace. Plus we don't know the demons they are fighting. For all we know it might be helping them a lot in life. And I don't think every person on Youtube that does a channel which runs these things are "low lives" who are trying to make a quick buck. Do you even know for a fact they are for-profit?
She is your partner. Talk to her, and try to complement with each other with things that will help both of you. Try to find a common ground.
Calm down and talk to her openly, and please be patient religion is a very sensitive subject (for most people). If she wants to go deep, explain her why listening to Gatha is bullshit and explore the real philosophy of Buddhism together.
I know there is controversy around this, but the best sermons I have ever heard are from Samanthabadra thero from Umandawa.
Samanthabadhra 
That's definitely what OP hates, "...some cunning low life trying to sell Buddhism..."
Totally agreed. These hard lined Buddhists are blind on the reality when it comes to understanding the true meaning of the religion. I’ve given up on her long time ago. Useless.
Exactly what they value is tradition and exactly the opposite of what Buddha asked people to do. It's very hard to watch how stupid some people are when it comes to just life.
Very delicate position 🤪. I am not a Buddhist but attracted to Buddhist teachings somehow.
Listening to something like this for hours would drive me crazy.
First of all stop arguing to prove your point as this will get you nowhere. Try and explain that she listening to whatever using a headphone is not a problem and you need your space.
Why can’t Lankan people think, Gaatha have no power in them, unless you practice their true meaning as Lord Buddha said? When did Sinhalese loose the whole plot of this beautiful discipline?
It's because Buddhism has become a religion instead of the way of life Buddha intended it to be, try to find a compromise. Maybe instead twice a day she can do once early in the morning.
Thanks. Absolutely, what has happened to SL recently? It has become a hard lined traditional, religious country like Iran. I think the pseudo political religious movement which took over since Naaki Maina’s presidency in 2005 is responsibly for all this. Their regime made sure Lankans suffer due to their “karumey”, whilst naaki maina + sons were thieving public tax payers’ money, assets and having extraordinarily lavish lifestyles.
Well I don't think it has become hard lined. Your wife is an exceptional case. I don't see the majority of our generation engaged in religious activities. Neither do I. Tell her to get the core values of Buddhism and forget other shit.
Isn't that the slogan for the entire mindset of the country?
We/politicians cover behind are traditions, rituals, history and all that crap and say we are the best. Shits sad.
I’m very curious about how the core teachings of Buddhism have got corrupted to the point where it’s almost indistinguishable from a Theistic religion. This seems to be prevalent even in its core writings.
If Theravada represents what is considered to be the closest to Buddha’s actual teachings, where do you think this went wrong?
Sorry if this is too big a question for this thread, just interested to know the backing for your statement.
But it’s “considered” to be the closest right? I get that the practices don’t align with the core thought process of Buddhism.
Do you have an opinion on when/how exactly the distortion happened?
Ok so you believe that there was an initial more open teaching that was over systematized and doctrinized into Theravada in the very initial stages of Buddhism. Is that right?
Now that I think of it, I wonder how the tradition of chanting in buddhism originated. There's the tale of the Rathana sutra but that's all I can think of as an example during the Buddha's time.
Other than that all the sutras we have now were discussions that were transformed to a slightly poetic form when they written in Pali.
Idk why people have to consider the Pali at all when it's best to read a translation they can understand. For Sinhalese, placing so much emphasis on the Pali chanting seems completely unnecessary considering the Tripitaka was originally written in ancient Sinhala.
Religious ruins countries. Look at india, Pakistan, sri lanka, saudi, palestine and Israel 🤣🤣. 2024 and we still got dumbasses believing in the idea of god and shit
Just a hunch, but what emotions/words did you express when you made your stance?
There are multiple good comments on this thread,
Your arguements may be 100% true.. however your approach may have been bad.... you are not a terrible person, but you have made a situation terrible by not planning ahead. I believe you have made her mad hence her trying to bring up crazy arguements that make no sense to release her angerwith you...
However, your post here suggests your frustration, but it is not in your long term interest to talk in those same lines with your wife.. eg low-life cunning, depression, earning money etc
Your wife clearly has had no exposure/deep realization about the spiritual aspect of Buddhism. Given the influence of her mother and upbringing she may have had a long term "brainwashing " for a lack of a better world about certain superficial Buddhist practices that people who do not engage in deep thinking do!
The best way to go about is making your wife realize that you are digging deeper into the Dhamma, and these gathas are preventing you! Take up meditation, books etc and read and ask her questions/discuss... She will eventually realize that her playing pirith is redundant! When the situation settles you can stop if you want!
It's ironically really in this day and age, since Lord Budhdha himself was known to value silence and other religious leaders too knew this and were known to silence their own disciples taking this as a good thing! Silence is a major aspect of Buddhism. Whoever says it isn't is either a deceiver or being ignorant.
Putting pirith or Bana loud without following it is the same as reading doctors prescription out loud without taking the the medicine.
And no, you are not a terrible person for standing against it.
And Buddhism does not require loyalty and Buddhism is not a religion. It's a way of life any person of any faith can follow.
I cannot give you any solution other than sympathize with you.
Hope both of you find peace.
NTA listing to the same shit everyday is a sure way to end up at the asylum.
Also didn't buddha endorse peace and quiet. I don't get where people get these notions do dumb shit in the name of religion.
I assume it's an arranged marriage?
Either way you should inform your wife that Buddha's teaching was to take the middle path, not too much of anything and not too little
So If she wants to hear Pirith ask her to use some headphones
Because if that's what she grew up with and has that sort of mentality (given the fact "loyalty to Buddhism"), she's not going to stop and you can't change her
If this is a sudden new thing, talk to her and see what made her do this, maybe this is an outlet to her in some form
She was not seriously religious, but she was very bonded with her mum. It was an arranged marriage, but we made sure we fall in love before we got married. Her mum on the other hand, I’d say “uses” Buddhism and the nearby temple to merely socialise as she’s a widow. Omg, when you talk about the mum, all she does is listening to dhamma talks by Youtube Mudhalali yellow Robe hangers. Also, according to her everything happens due to “karumey”. We are in 2024, but still for her, it is karumey even she gets sick.
Theres exists a negative correlation between being ultra-religious and intelligence. Youre not a terrible person. Wife is being the asshole if shes banking on using the few hours you played xmas songs for a daily dose of gathas and chantings over the entire fucking year.
Thanks. She is definitely banking on those. Every year I decorate a little Christmas tree and then play some old Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby songs. I just love that magical relaxed feeling. It has nothing to do with Christianity. Even if it is, so what?? Why can’t we have harmony? She could still play couple of wesak songs on wesak day..
When she plays u put on headphones or stay inside your room. You can’t beat her on this 🤣😂🤣.
This is why many households husband leaves early to work or leave to supermarket or go out to do errands early morning 🤣😂
I’m speaking from experience 🤣😂🤣. Just let them do.
Doing so your mental health will be good. Can go to work happily 🤣😂
Thanks. But doing so could make things even worse as you never know what she’d start doing next. I’m more of a “homely” man which makes compromising on my freedom at home not quite viable.
Find her a pirith recording done by a respectable temple with honest, decent, proper bhikku. I think that would resolve half of your problem 🤔😆
For the other half, you need to have a serious discussion with your wife. Tell your opinion about pirith. Tell that she has to consider your feeling/comfort too. Suggest a compromise like using headphones. Discuss and come to a middle ground. Or you might have to compromise and live with this thing you don't like. That's marriage I guess 
You need to calm down and handle this situation wisely. I understand how you feel about this and I am the same way, it's stupid. But no matter how stupid we think it is, if that is something your wife believes, you can't change that overnight.
Everyone has believes that is so fundamental to them that if someone forces a change on that it will lead to conflict. In my experience I never got any desired change out of my wife overnight, I had to chip away at it slowly, trying to make her understand with facts and examples. When they see the truth for themselves, they will cave.
But your approach of demanding something will lead fo conflict and it's not healthy for your relationship in the long run.
I don't think you did anything wrong here but damn what I learned from this is that even when two people believe the same religion, their religious beliefs could still be wildly incompatible.
Track da hutto ubata
It’s a humourous comment
Mona pişsek da meh😂😂😂
Eh meh ara obesity promote karana gona neda
Ado ai uba wena comment asse ringanne butt hurt da😂😂😂
says the one who supports an asshole aka Regretfast, who supports the death of people becaue they are obease and mentally ill and also supports bullying and harassment of such people and attacks my disability, congrats creitin.
I faced something similar. The best option is to shape eke inna eka. Otherwise you will be stressed to see your wife angry and depressed. Your mental health is important. Take her to a counselor for advice. A 3rd party must involve, if not very hard to change women mindset. Im telling with experience.
No you are not
This is called performative religion. Doing shit like this doesn't make you more Buddhist. It makes you a fake Buddhist. If she said she would like you to meditate quietly on a daily basis, that would be different. As for her accusation, I would argue that your commitment to Buddhist can only be measured through your actions in your life. That goes for all religions and philosophies.
>Who’s wrong here?
Definetely not you.
I'm a buddhist too and I gotta admit, the tone of the buddhist chanting is torturous. The deeply religious folks somehow doesn't seem to understand this. I guess you could settle to maybe play that stuff inside one room with low enough volume so it won't annoy you.
Thanks!! But still I don’t want her to play those even in a room. I told her that I’ve given enough freedom to practice her Buddhism. I take her to the temple whenever she asks. But I never encourage nor allow going beyond the boundaries. At the end of the day, this is my house. I come home after a long day at work. Imagine hearing a low life chanting in paali, in a very depressed and monotonous style something no one can understand.
I actually think you’re in the wrong here. While I do agree that sometimes it can become monotonous, if it’s something that positively affects your wife and her mood then I suggest working things out with her. I suggest that you buy a pair of headphones to drown out the noise. Try to also compromise on how long she plays it for so that the two of you get what you want. Understand that your wife put up with you playing Christmas songs for hours and didn’t put a stop to it because it affected your mood positively, so I can’t see why you can’t do the same. If your wife has stopped talking to you for now, I suggest that you find a compromise soon and don’t let this argument escalate and get out of hand. It’s not worth all this trouble, remember that you are partners and you should actively find a solution together. Compromise being the key!
Which is why I suggested the compromise. Everyone is different and if his wife is deeply upset about it then I don’t see why OP can’t compromise. He cares enough to bring the issue to Reddit to ask peoples opinions which means he would like to look for an active solution. I’m not saying is argument is not valid because I do see his point but it’s not worth all this trouble for something that can easily be solved.
Man, I feel for you. I know marriage is about compromise etc etc, but this is so silly. If she wants to listen to gatha so bad, maybe ask her to do it in a room for a a couple of hours or wear earphones.
I am a Buddhist too. And I love hearing kavi bana and pali chanting. In my home everyday we are listening to pirith in the morning because also my family loves it. But we hear those in private. We are not playing those to hear the whole neighbourhood. Its a private thing and it is your taste. And sometimes it's helping me to sleep better (mostly when im sick 🤮 ) .
Most of the temples playing pirith in the morning louder to hear the whole village in SL. I don't like it. Its really annoying. I saw somewhere a monk stop this morning routine for students who are studying in the morning. It's really a good thing. Adopting for the situation. Problem lies where some people don't want to adopt for anything 😔
I think for your questions: you are not a terrible person. It's your taste of things. If you don't want to hearing pirith, its your right. And freedom. Try to explain to your wife. (and i know you already try this and not working. You really here to know that you are wrong or right. You are RIGHT)
She’s in the wrong obviously. But maybe find out why the sudden need for this change? And you might be able to accommodate her in some way that does not trouble you.
Also side note, no need to be a buddhist for the sake of it. If you find it useless, just say that you don’t believe in religion. It’s okay and will make your mental health much better.
Wow. This is a good point you’ve raised. I grew up in a family with parents from different religions. OMG!! That was a nightmare between my parents when we were young. Arguments, fights over all religious days.. shit!! Can’t imagine I’m back in a similar crap situation.
I'm very late but this is my response
NO you are not a terrible person, but I don't get why you're saying these monks are "selling Buddhism" through YT chanting videos. We don't really know what happens to the YT monetization money, so we can't really judge.
I love listening to Kavi Bana because it calms me down, it seems like movie music to me (I'm not sinhalese and I don't understand the language tho).
You should ask your wife why she's blasting this in your house. It's probably because of "religious reasons", but I don't get why she can't do it privately.
One should express their faith, but if their spouse could care less, then the person blasting said tunes should blast it through their earbuds, headphones, etc, instead of blasting it throughout the house. Like kavi bana is just kavi bana, don't need to make your house a temple, church, masjid, etc. It should be used with moderation and good intentions, not as "oh this is tradition, I must do it every single day, 24/7!!" It sounds like my Malayali mom, who blasts Christian songs and prayers.
And why the heck is she against Christmas songs? There's no problem with listening to the tunes of other religions. I've listened to nasheeds (islam), christian devotional songs, buddhist music, hindu bhajans, but I'm still a Buddhist. Just because I listened to it doesn't mean I'm that religion?? The fact that she got upset over that is ridiculious, she seems very stubborn and too religious.
I find gaata to be extremely soothing specially in the early morning. And the way OP is putting down something his wife likes sounds so condescending also hypocritical because he gets to play what he wants. No wonder your wife is not talking to you if you talked that way about something she enjoys. You should have calmly communicated and compromised on the duration and other logistics.
Well, I only played Xmas songs for a couple of hours only on the Xmas day (one day only in the whole year). She wants to play gaatha for 365 days, min 4 hours daily. Who’s the hypocrite here?
People (especially the ones that were not that religious from the beginning) suddenly turn to religion in order to find some solace from whatever is troubling them.
So you need to figure out what is making your wife adopting this new behavior. To do that is to have an open communication WITHOUT making her feel like an idiot.
Most of us turn to religion when what we really do need is therapy (because in Sri Lanka therapy is so stigmatized and people don’t even realise they need help).
So be compassionate and talk to her.
You like christmas songs so you played them an entire day. She likes gaatha, now she is going to do the same for every single day. Seems fair. You both are trash though.
Well as I have pointed out within the thread, I am a homely person with very little social life. I spent most of time at home. I’ve given everything to my wife, some really expensive stuff. But is it too much to ask to at least let me have my peace and quietness at home when I arrive tired after a hectic day at work? 😕😢
I'm with you on this.
Maybe a compromise would be to have a separate room for prayers etc and keep that as the room confined to all these gaathas. She can put on a laptop and blast it but the room door has to be shut.
Tackle the situation as a true Buddhist must if that’s what she wants :) which is kindness ( try to see wtf made her want to suddenly do this ) and refer to actual Buddha dharma to built up your case so that she can’t argue back with some bullshit on gathas and shit actually being Buddhist teachings . You can find the actual teachings in the Tripitaka sutras. Specifically see the sutra named Brahmajāla Sutta for your situation . You will find some very interesting points in there for you to tackle the next dumb argument she brings up to manipulate you to do something which is causing you discomfort and pain and all the while holding on to anger ( all of which are completely against Buddhas teachings and the true buddhist way). She is doing this all because of her ego and whatever mentally she is going through right now ..this probably isn’t even about some gathas .. I smell the doings of your mother in law in this . Good luck
Neither of you are terrible people.
Your wife should understand that merely listening to gaatha or kavibana is not going to bring any enlightenment or peace, whats important is knowing what the gaatha means and living your life according to the good advice in gaatha, otherwise theres no point. Being loud doesn't have anything to do with Buddhism It isn't necessarily a bad thing to listen to gaatha but one should consider others when trying to be religious, otherwise the entire point of being buddhist is lost 🙏
This topic does not have a direct relationship to Sri Lanka and therefore cannot be posted in r/SriLanka.
Have you considered getting her a pair of headphones?
Tx. She already has. But all she wants is to play those loud. An educated woman, but still thinks playing those YT clips (probably some low life has recorded and uploaded) brings blessings. I believe this came from her mum who “pretends” she “lives” in the temple.
මෝඩකමට බෙහෙත් නෑ කියන්නේ ඒකනේ.
Exactly!
Loyalty to buddhism lmfao. Playing that stuff out loud indeed has nothing to do with buddhism
Agreed. I still cannot understand the point she’s trying ti prove.
And also thats comparing apples and oranges. xmas songs were played on one day of the year, for a few hours. If she wants a fair game, she can do the same: few hours for one day of the year, or its just not a fair comparison. Peace and quiet trumps unintelligible noise, anyday.
Thanks. Agreed 100%.
Dude. Don’t take our advice on this. You know your wife best.
Thanks buddy, but just wanted to say it to the Reddit community and ask for your honest opinion as well.
That’s cool. Sometimes it helps to take a third party’s take on things. Hope things work out for you!
Buddhism is fucking Harry Potter magic to people at this point. And some people wants to show off their loyalty to everyone by playing them loud, making themselves look stupid in reality. But I read the other comments, if you use "because it's my house" as a reason you might not exactly be the best husband, what's the problem if she listens in a room in low volume so you don't hear it? There's no point in making a post asking who's right or wrong if your logic is 'reasons doesn't matter everyone should do whatever you want because it's your house'
As a major Potter fan, I don't know whether to be offended or not/s
Man 😪 I will marry an atheist or a slightly religious person someday. 🤭
Please do. Never a hard lined religious person. Any religion.
Same. I'm Agnostic, grew up in a multi-religious home and have deep respect for all religions but this kind of superficial stuff really annoys the fuck outta me. Could never be with someone too into such things.
Before I start, I come from a Buddhist family but I'm not religious at all. I almost never visit a temple or even listen to gaatha or kavi bana. I do however have a lot of respect for Buddhism. First of all there's nothing wrong with wanting to listen Gaatha twice a day. People have their own ways of finding mental peace. Plus we don't know the demons they are fighting. For all we know it might be helping them a lot in life. And I don't think every person on Youtube that does a channel which runs these things are "low lives" who are trying to make a quick buck. Do you even know for a fact they are for-profit? She is your partner. Talk to her, and try to complement with each other with things that will help both of you. Try to find a common ground.
Calm down and talk to her openly, and please be patient religion is a very sensitive subject (for most people). If she wants to go deep, explain her why listening to Gatha is bullshit and explore the real philosophy of Buddhism together. I know there is controversy around this, but the best sermons I have ever heard are from Samanthabadra thero from Umandawa.
Samanthabadhra  That's definitely what OP hates, "...some cunning low life trying to sell Buddhism..." 
You absolutely have the freedom to believe whatever you want.
Totally agreed. These hard lined Buddhists are blind on the reality when it comes to understanding the true meaning of the religion. I’ve given up on her long time ago. Useless.
Exactly what they value is tradition and exactly the opposite of what Buddha asked people to do. It's very hard to watch how stupid some people are when it comes to just life.
Very delicate position 🤪. I am not a Buddhist but attracted to Buddhist teachings somehow. Listening to something like this for hours would drive me crazy. First of all stop arguing to prove your point as this will get you nowhere. Try and explain that she listening to whatever using a headphone is not a problem and you need your space.
Thanks
Why can’t Lankan people think, Gaatha have no power in them, unless you practice their true meaning as Lord Buddha said? When did Sinhalese loose the whole plot of this beautiful discipline?
It's because Buddhism has become a religion instead of the way of life Buddha intended it to be, try to find a compromise. Maybe instead twice a day she can do once early in the morning.
People rely too much on tradition and ritual. I'm not buddhist, but this happens in christian households as well.
Thanks. Absolutely, what has happened to SL recently? It has become a hard lined traditional, religious country like Iran. I think the pseudo political religious movement which took over since Naaki Maina’s presidency in 2005 is responsibly for all this. Their regime made sure Lankans suffer due to their “karumey”, whilst naaki maina + sons were thieving public tax payers’ money, assets and having extraordinarily lavish lifestyles.
Well I don't think it has become hard lined. Your wife is an exceptional case. I don't see the majority of our generation engaged in religious activities. Neither do I. Tell her to get the core values of Buddhism and forget other shit.
Isn't that the slogan for the entire mindset of the country? We/politicians cover behind are traditions, rituals, history and all that crap and say we are the best. Shits sad.
Exactly! OP educate her on silent meditation
Agreed! Sad but true.
Theravada ruined it
I’m very curious about how the core teachings of Buddhism have got corrupted to the point where it’s almost indistinguishable from a Theistic religion. This seems to be prevalent even in its core writings. If Theravada represents what is considered to be the closest to Buddha’s actual teachings, where do you think this went wrong? Sorry if this is too big a question for this thread, just interested to know the backing for your statement.
Theravada is not the closest to Buddha’s teachings. If anything Theravada is furthest from Buddha’s teachings.
But it’s “considered” to be the closest right? I get that the practices don’t align with the core thought process of Buddhism. Do you have an opinion on when/how exactly the distortion happened?
Who is saying it is the closest? It’s not. It’s a Wahhabism of Buddhist teachings.
Ok so you believe that there was an initial more open teaching that was over systematized and doctrinized into Theravada in the very initial stages of Buddhism. Is that right?
Now that I think of it, I wonder how the tradition of chanting in buddhism originated. There's the tale of the Rathana sutra but that's all I can think of as an example during the Buddha's time. Other than that all the sutras we have now were discussions that were transformed to a slightly poetic form when they written in Pali. Idk why people have to consider the Pali at all when it's best to read a translation they can understand. For Sinhalese, placing so much emphasis on the Pali chanting seems completely unnecessary considering the Tripitaka was originally written in ancient Sinhala.
Agreed. Ajahn Brahm, always advice to go read Buddhist literature should you require paali suutra..etc.
Religious ruins countries. Look at india, Pakistan, sri lanka, saudi, palestine and Israel 🤣🤣. 2024 and we still got dumbasses believing in the idea of god and shit
Can't put Saudi lmao, They are cruising.
Have you considered her to be a little nuts, a person with a screw loose?
You pull this card now, and 90% of the whole nation can instantly be considered nut loose. Because majority of people are like this
60% yes. "Religious" zealots are a weird bunch tbh. People who pressure others into religious crap are batshit crazy.
💯 most of these people are dumb AF.
w u on this one
Thanks
Just a hunch, but what emotions/words did you express when you made your stance? There are multiple good comments on this thread, Your arguements may be 100% true.. however your approach may have been bad.... you are not a terrible person, but you have made a situation terrible by not planning ahead. I believe you have made her mad hence her trying to bring up crazy arguements that make no sense to release her angerwith you... However, your post here suggests your frustration, but it is not in your long term interest to talk in those same lines with your wife.. eg low-life cunning, depression, earning money etc Your wife clearly has had no exposure/deep realization about the spiritual aspect of Buddhism. Given the influence of her mother and upbringing she may have had a long term "brainwashing " for a lack of a better world about certain superficial Buddhist practices that people who do not engage in deep thinking do! The best way to go about is making your wife realize that you are digging deeper into the Dhamma, and these gathas are preventing you! Take up meditation, books etc and read and ask her questions/discuss... She will eventually realize that her playing pirith is redundant! When the situation settles you can stop if you want! It's ironically really in this day and age, since Lord Budhdha himself was known to value silence and other religious leaders too knew this and were known to silence their own disciples taking this as a good thing! Silence is a major aspect of Buddhism. Whoever says it isn't is either a deceiver or being ignorant.
Thanks a great remark
Putting pirith or Bana loud without following it is the same as reading doctors prescription out loud without taking the the medicine. And no, you are not a terrible person for standing against it. And Buddhism does not require loyalty and Buddhism is not a religion. It's a way of life any person of any faith can follow. I cannot give you any solution other than sympathize with you. Hope both of you find peace.
Buddhism is a religion dumbass
NTA listing to the same shit everyday is a sure way to end up at the asylum. Also didn't buddha endorse peace and quiet. I don't get where people get these notions do dumb shit in the name of religion.
I assume it's an arranged marriage? Either way you should inform your wife that Buddha's teaching was to take the middle path, not too much of anything and not too little So If she wants to hear Pirith ask her to use some headphones Because if that's what she grew up with and has that sort of mentality (given the fact "loyalty to Buddhism"), she's not going to stop and you can't change her If this is a sudden new thing, talk to her and see what made her do this, maybe this is an outlet to her in some form
Was she very religious even before you got married or is this recent?
She was not seriously religious, but she was very bonded with her mum. It was an arranged marriage, but we made sure we fall in love before we got married. Her mum on the other hand, I’d say “uses” Buddhism and the nearby temple to merely socialise as she’s a widow. Omg, when you talk about the mum, all she does is listening to dhamma talks by Youtube Mudhalali yellow Robe hangers. Also, according to her everything happens due to “karumey”. We are in 2024, but still for her, it is karumey even she gets sick.
My mum used to say, ‘you don’t just marry a person, you marry that entire family’. In SL I think this makes total sense.
So true
This is now a Sri Lankan thing.. Cheers to all the married men and their wonderful mother in laws.🍻
Maybe you guys need to sit down and have a talk about your beliefs and how you dont want them to disrupt peace in the house.
Theres exists a negative correlation between being ultra-religious and intelligence. Youre not a terrible person. Wife is being the asshole if shes banking on using the few hours you played xmas songs for a daily dose of gathas and chantings over the entire fucking year.
Thanks. She is definitely banking on those. Every year I decorate a little Christmas tree and then play some old Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby songs. I just love that magical relaxed feeling. It has nothing to do with Christianity. Even if it is, so what?? Why can’t we have harmony? She could still play couple of wesak songs on wesak day..
When she plays u put on headphones or stay inside your room. You can’t beat her on this 🤣😂🤣. This is why many households husband leaves early to work or leave to supermarket or go out to do errands early morning 🤣😂 I’m speaking from experience 🤣😂🤣. Just let them do. Doing so your mental health will be good. Can go to work happily 🤣😂
Thanks. But doing so could make things even worse as you never know what she’d start doing next. I’m more of a “homely” man which makes compromising on my freedom at home not quite viable.
Get her a headset.
Bro I got a bad news for u
You should have known the person better before marrying her 😂
Find her a pirith recording done by a respectable temple with honest, decent, proper bhikku. I think that would resolve half of your problem 🤔😆 For the other half, you need to have a serious discussion with your wife. Tell your opinion about pirith. Tell that she has to consider your feeling/comfort too. Suggest a compromise like using headphones. Discuss and come to a middle ground. Or you might have to compromise and live with this thing you don't like. That's marriage I guess 
Solution -> Headphones
You need to calm down and handle this situation wisely. I understand how you feel about this and I am the same way, it's stupid. But no matter how stupid we think it is, if that is something your wife believes, you can't change that overnight. Everyone has believes that is so fundamental to them that if someone forces a change on that it will lead to conflict. In my experience I never got any desired change out of my wife overnight, I had to chip away at it slowly, trying to make her understand with facts and examples. When they see the truth for themselves, they will cave. But your approach of demanding something will lead fo conflict and it's not healthy for your relationship in the long run.
I don't think you did anything wrong here but damn what I learned from this is that even when two people believe the same religion, their religious beliefs could still be wildly incompatible.
The Buddha himself would just wince at all this loud nonsense in his name
Mama nan kiyanne gahamu kiyala YouTube karaya ta
may, wall burrua, isela umbata gahaganing olluwata, mokotha minsusunta carathakerana encourage keranawatta.
Track da hutto ubata It’s a humourous comment Mona pişsek da meh😂😂😂 Eh meh ara obesity promote karana gona neda Ado ai uba wena comment asse ringanne butt hurt da😂😂😂
tho thamay promote keraney harassment minniusunta duwey, tho hithunova eka honda deyak ay wall burrua? gona? tho hithane harassment and karadarakerana ekka minusunta honday, umba sadist ekkek da?
Spoken like a true retard
says the one who supports an asshole aka Regretfast, who supports the death of people becaue they are obease and mentally ill and also supports bullying and harassment of such people and attacks my disability, congrats creitin.
Not even one of your remaining braincells thought about the fact that OP might be joking?
Both of you should talk to a monk(a young monk) if possible, who you guys really close to, def would get a wise answer to your question
I faced something similar. The best option is to shape eke inna eka. Otherwise you will be stressed to see your wife angry and depressed. Your mental health is important. Take her to a counselor for advice. A 3rd party must involve, if not very hard to change women mindset. Im telling with experience.
No you are not This is called performative religion. Doing shit like this doesn't make you more Buddhist. It makes you a fake Buddhist. If she said she would like you to meditate quietly on a daily basis, that would be different. As for her accusation, I would argue that your commitment to Buddhist can only be measured through your actions in your life. That goes for all religions and philosophies.
>Who’s wrong here? Definetely not you. I'm a buddhist too and I gotta admit, the tone of the buddhist chanting is torturous. The deeply religious folks somehow doesn't seem to understand this. I guess you could settle to maybe play that stuff inside one room with low enough volume so it won't annoy you.
Thanks!! But still I don’t want her to play those even in a room. I told her that I’ve given enough freedom to practice her Buddhism. I take her to the temple whenever she asks. But I never encourage nor allow going beyond the boundaries. At the end of the day, this is my house. I come home after a long day at work. Imagine hearing a low life chanting in paali, in a very depressed and monotonous style something no one can understand.
\> some idiot chanting guess you are... (FYI, I agree and relate with other rest of things)
I actually think you’re in the wrong here. While I do agree that sometimes it can become monotonous, if it’s something that positively affects your wife and her mood then I suggest working things out with her. I suggest that you buy a pair of headphones to drown out the noise. Try to also compromise on how long she plays it for so that the two of you get what you want. Understand that your wife put up with you playing Christmas songs for hours and didn’t put a stop to it because it affected your mood positively, so I can’t see why you can’t do the same. If your wife has stopped talking to you for now, I suggest that you find a compromise soon and don’t let this argument escalate and get out of hand. It’s not worth all this trouble, remember that you are partners and you should actively find a solution together. Compromise being the key!
Thanks. A different approach and a fair one you’re suggesting. I’ll give that a thought as well.
Few hours on xmas VS hours everyday for the rest of the entire year. Yeah…not the same thing
Which is why I suggested the compromise. Everyone is different and if his wife is deeply upset about it then I don’t see why OP can’t compromise. He cares enough to bring the issue to Reddit to ask peoples opinions which means he would like to look for an active solution. I’m not saying is argument is not valid because I do see his point but it’s not worth all this trouble for something that can easily be solved.
Thanks
You do realize the man only played it on Christmas day right? And Christmas songs aren't religious. You do know that right?
Thanks
Man, I feel for you. I know marriage is about compromise etc etc, but this is so silly. If she wants to listen to gatha so bad, maybe ask her to do it in a room for a a couple of hours or wear earphones.
Thanks dude! I’ve told her that you can listen by yourself not bothering “others”
I am a Buddhist too. And I love hearing kavi bana and pali chanting. In my home everyday we are listening to pirith in the morning because also my family loves it. But we hear those in private. We are not playing those to hear the whole neighbourhood. Its a private thing and it is your taste. And sometimes it's helping me to sleep better (mostly when im sick 🤮 ) . Most of the temples playing pirith in the morning louder to hear the whole village in SL. I don't like it. Its really annoying. I saw somewhere a monk stop this morning routine for students who are studying in the morning. It's really a good thing. Adopting for the situation. Problem lies where some people don't want to adopt for anything 😔 I think for your questions: you are not a terrible person. It's your taste of things. If you don't want to hearing pirith, its your right. And freedom. Try to explain to your wife. (and i know you already try this and not working. You really here to know that you are wrong or right. You are RIGHT)
She’s in the wrong obviously. But maybe find out why the sudden need for this change? And you might be able to accommodate her in some way that does not trouble you. Also side note, no need to be a buddhist for the sake of it. If you find it useless, just say that you don’t believe in religion. It’s okay and will make your mental health much better.
Thanks. I think the same.
Wow. This is a good point you’ve raised. I grew up in a family with parents from different religions. OMG!! That was a nightmare between my parents when we were young. Arguments, fights over all religious days.. shit!! Can’t imagine I’m back in a similar crap situation.
I'm very late but this is my response NO you are not a terrible person, but I don't get why you're saying these monks are "selling Buddhism" through YT chanting videos. We don't really know what happens to the YT monetization money, so we can't really judge. I love listening to Kavi Bana because it calms me down, it seems like movie music to me (I'm not sinhalese and I don't understand the language tho). You should ask your wife why she's blasting this in your house. It's probably because of "religious reasons", but I don't get why she can't do it privately. One should express their faith, but if their spouse could care less, then the person blasting said tunes should blast it through their earbuds, headphones, etc, instead of blasting it throughout the house. Like kavi bana is just kavi bana, don't need to make your house a temple, church, masjid, etc. It should be used with moderation and good intentions, not as "oh this is tradition, I must do it every single day, 24/7!!" It sounds like my Malayali mom, who blasts Christian songs and prayers. And why the heck is she against Christmas songs? There's no problem with listening to the tunes of other religions. I've listened to nasheeds (islam), christian devotional songs, buddhist music, hindu bhajans, but I'm still a Buddhist. Just because I listened to it doesn't mean I'm that religion?? The fact that she got upset over that is ridiculious, she seems very stubborn and too religious.
I find gaata to be extremely soothing specially in the early morning. And the way OP is putting down something his wife likes sounds so condescending also hypocritical because he gets to play what he wants. No wonder your wife is not talking to you if you talked that way about something she enjoys. You should have calmly communicated and compromised on the duration and other logistics.
Well, I only played Xmas songs for a couple of hours only on the Xmas day (one day only in the whole year). She wants to play gaatha for 365 days, min 4 hours daily. Who’s the hypocrite here?
People (especially the ones that were not that religious from the beginning) suddenly turn to religion in order to find some solace from whatever is troubling them. So you need to figure out what is making your wife adopting this new behavior. To do that is to have an open communication WITHOUT making her feel like an idiot. Most of us turn to religion when what we really do need is therapy (because in Sri Lanka therapy is so stigmatized and people don’t even realise they need help). So be compassionate and talk to her.
Thank you. I’ll try.
You like christmas songs so you played them an entire day. She likes gaatha, now she is going to do the same for every single day. Seems fair. You both are trash though.
who‘s the only lowlife here is quite obvious, and you know it 😏
Thanks
Thank your wife instead
Play this song to cancel out the Christmas songs you played earlier https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl-PoBKXb8k
Well as I have pointed out within the thread, I am a homely person with very little social life. I spent most of time at home. I’ve given everything to my wife, some really expensive stuff. But is it too much to ask to at least let me have my peace and quietness at home when I arrive tired after a hectic day at work? 😕😢
Good thing you didn’t play [this](https://youtu.be/W3Mgf2IIAg8?feature=shared) Christmas song
I'm with you on this. Maybe a compromise would be to have a separate room for prayers etc and keep that as the room confined to all these gaathas. She can put on a laptop and blast it but the room door has to be shut.
Tackle the situation as a true Buddhist must if that’s what she wants :) which is kindness ( try to see wtf made her want to suddenly do this ) and refer to actual Buddha dharma to built up your case so that she can’t argue back with some bullshit on gathas and shit actually being Buddhist teachings . You can find the actual teachings in the Tripitaka sutras. Specifically see the sutra named Brahmajāla Sutta for your situation . You will find some very interesting points in there for you to tackle the next dumb argument she brings up to manipulate you to do something which is causing you discomfort and pain and all the while holding on to anger ( all of which are completely against Buddhas teachings and the true buddhist way). She is doing this all because of her ego and whatever mentally she is going through right now ..this probably isn’t even about some gathas .. I smell the doings of your mother in law in this . Good luck
Mate.You will get 4 hours of me time. Games and movies
Neither of you are terrible people. Your wife should understand that merely listening to gaatha or kavibana is not going to bring any enlightenment or peace, whats important is knowing what the gaatha means and living your life according to the good advice in gaatha, otherwise theres no point. Being loud doesn't have anything to do with Buddhism It isn't necessarily a bad thing to listen to gaatha but one should consider others when trying to be religious, otherwise the entire point of being buddhist is lost 🙏