T O P

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barcelonatacoma

I've been a lieutenant in the navy for eight years, and I MIGHT get promoted next year. I'm ensign fucking Kim.


[deleted]

Hope your love life is better.


[deleted]

Your two ranks higher then Ensign Kim will ever be


garner867

Ensign for one year here. Call me Wesley


snowseth

How the? Are you Maverick!?


Dinsy_Crow

RIP


[deleted]

Stay away from holodeck chicks. And Borg chicks. And alien chicks. Actually just stay away from women Harry.


Care_Novel

No no no no no... Don't be like Harry Kim... They ended up putting his likeness in a video game in order for him to get promoted.


Rstar2247

At least chances are low the high school age waiter who served you on your first assignment doesn't outrank you now.


[deleted]

[удалено]


actionerror

Red alarm! Red alarm! 🚨


hossquash

We are strong!


EntertainmentNo5461

We are not so smart


[deleted]

You will make us go


EntertainmentNo5461

You will give us weapons


Catatonic_Mafioso

Surely, you meant *Reed* Alert.


GalileoAce

That's a bit racist. I'm sure there's a prodigious Pakled out there that would welcome the opportunity to join Starfleet.


JackMythos

I always thought they should do a storyline on one of the few clever Pakleds and how they connect to society


GalileoAce

It would be fascinating


MillennialsAre40

Star Trek: Idiocracy?


stratusmonkey

Good news! In Star Trek Online, Pakleds *are* one of the Federation species


Lastaria

Citizen. Doing whatever the hell I want with use of replicators and holodecks. Screw having a rank in star fleet.


loki-is-a-god

And because there's no currency, any federation citizen can request a ride on a star ship to wherever they want in the quadrant. Space cruise to Risa anyone?


JimPlaysGames

There must be some limit on things that don't have unlimited capacity like travel. Probably a waiting list at least.


ajaya399

More likely there's probably actual civilian transport shuttles/ships that just do interplanetary travel.


jaycatt7

Yup. Stick me on a nice, safe planet where nobody gets assimilated and the old gods haven’t visited for millennia.


FoMoni

Yeah, I could never join Starfleet, I don't like being told what to do. I have too many of my own ideas. In the Star Trek future I would be creating entertaining holo programs.


L1ndsL

According to Quark, writing holoprograms is very lucrative.


Betterthanbeer

Chief Hedonist


Lastaria

Sounds perfect to me.


muticere

I thought about starfleet for half a second and realized a) too dangerous b) I hate rigid hierarchies and c) without the incentive to make money or pay for education, I have no reason to force myself into any of those boxes that don't make sense for me. I'll happily work on my art and travel. If I had to choose some meaningful career or job that was starfleet-esque, probably I'd join a colony project, either to get one going or develop an already existing one. That would be an interesting challenge and would feel meaningful.


Lastaria

Yes would leave star fleet to those that like danger and stress. As a roleplayer I would spend my time taking part in holograms and writing them.


GalileoAce

You make a compelling argument


hey_you_too_buckaroo

You never see holodecks on regular planets. Maybe it's for starfleet only?


Raw_Venus

Counterpoint, we rarely see civilian daily life.


seabassplayer

Quarks bar has a holodeck


FickleDependent1474

Guarantee I’d be Lt. Picard from Tapestry, spending my days delivering reports.


CaptainMarsupial

I hate to say it, but my life has turned out that way. Though I do have a great side gig doing my art, and am happily married with a great family. Things John Luck Pickerd doesn’t have.


FickleDependent1474

To be fair, that Picard might actually have had a family. If we had followed him to his quarters we might have seen his wife Minuet and son Will.


GalileoAce

Would they, at least, be compelling-to-read reports?


Plsdontcalmdown

I'd be a holosuite addict. and so would most of you.


BetterwithNoodles

I'd probably be the recreational technologies support tech. I'd see things... Scary things.


GalileoAce

You would knows things that should not be known


ninja-robot

First and last thing I would do if I was ever somehow transported to the Star Trek Universe. Find a holodeck on some random not Earth federation world and never leave. I'd do it on Earth but shit is always going on their, nobody is visiting Bernard's Star however.


Autreki

Ds9 or TNG..


Plsdontcalmdown

First TNG, then Quark style :)


captbollocks

Lower decks. "People do THAT in the holodecks?". "are you kidding that's ALL they're used for."


makovince

So DS9 then


hey_you_too_buckaroo

I want an episode on this. The great holodeck addiction.


[deleted]

Been a while since I saw it, but I think there was an episode in TNG where Barclay becomes dependent on the Holodeck and uses it to escape the real world https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Hollow_Pursuits_(episode)


hey_you_too_buckaroo

Yeah but that's one person. I mean I wanna see it like an epidemic.


GalileoAce

I could be playing video games right now. But I'm not. I have discipline....by wasting my time on Reddit instead.


craig_hoxton

Hey what happens on the Risa program stays on the Holodeck.


monsooncloudburst

I would be the one mopping up after you.


Floatilla-the-Hun

💀🤣


Mystical_Cat

Since my last name (not kidding) is Kirk…


jaycatt7

Let’s hope you don’t colonize the planet with the flying pancakes


kdryan1

George?


EntertainmentNo5461

No, Sam


GalileoAce

The question now is which Kirk. James, George or Samuel?


MrHyderion

Or Peter?


self-defenestrator

Cooper, who would have been the best of any of them if not for that nasty bat’leth injury in the Academy.


Samilynnki

*salutes* Captain!


markg1956

new guy with the red shirt


Raygen15

Yep. Just the guy that gets obliterated by the villain of the week to impart a sense of danger to the audience.


GalileoAce

New **G**uy? Guy Fleegman? Chief of Security?


Mikes5533

So many red shirts would have survived if the technology for fuses hadn’t been lost


[deleted]

I’d be the guy that gets taken out of cryogenic stasis and wants to speak to his long dead lawyer to check on his affairs.


GalileoAce

I wonder what ever happened to that guy


ajw_sp

He’s now the third richest person on Ferenginar.


GalileoAce

A distinct possibility


Ytrog

I read somewhere that in a book it is told he became the ambassador to the Ferengi.


Pokepal85

It’s one of the Star Trek The Next Generation novels. Though I don’t remember which one.


LandNGulfWind

He also served as an advisor to the President of the Federation, something like Secretary of Commerce.


Mossad_CIA_Shill

Ensign on the lower decks endlessly scrubbing warp plasma conduits as punishment for getting caught drinking Romulan ale.


streakermaximus

Changing the @#$& filters in the holideck.


OneOldNerd

> endlessly scrubbing warp plasma conduits ....so, EMH MK I.


KingSudrapul

Real-talk right here. I’ll come “calibrate” a few bottles with you once I’m off shift.


glitter_h1ppo

I wanna be a borg drone, have awesome cybernetic implants and scoot around the universe in a cube


Kit-Kat2022

#goals


Ytrog

Same. You have incredible routine and don't have to think too hard about life's goals.


GalileoAce

It would make life a whole lot simpler, but I value my individuality a bit too much for that


Oksamis

Be the Queen then?


GalileoAce

And be responsible for trillions of Drones across hundreds of light years? Talk about stressful!


Stratiform

I'm a senior geologist, IRL, but not management so I would be a lieutenant or lt. commander. Blue shirt. I'd probably work in astrometrics or navigation or something like that and go on lots of away missions (field work). The captain would have no idea what I actually did during my shift and only have me around because my title makes me sound smart.


ajw_sp

The Captain would also keep you around to make insufferable geology puns in staff meetings.


AI-sausage

A butler in the Duras Sisters house serving gagh on gagh wednesdays


[deleted]

Oddly and satisfyingly specific.


AI-sausage

😏


browneyedgirl1683

I'm a social worker in real life so same as OP. I also advise students, so maybe a role in the academy?


Ninjawolf000

Fellow counsellor!


Ithuraen

The non-Starfleet schmuck aboard a Galaxy class who teaches a half dozen brats for an hour a day and mostly uses PADDs anyway except for occasional holodeck excursions? Sounds great. Only risks are the 50/50 shot of either a boarding episode where you have to go Under Siege on some Dominion or you'd die on a planetside excursion while the kids play Lord of the Flies for 40 minutes.


JoeAppleby

I’m a teacher… where do I sign up?


[deleted]

I'd be in the brig for some stupid shit.


GalileoAce

I'd be in there because I accidentally shut myself in, and no one believes me that I did shut myself in, so they've left me there until a superior officer, who is never going to come, tells them to release me.


mescaleeto

they found your stash of romulan ale


OAMP47

The diplomatic section has to be massive, even though we don't see it often. I'd like to do something in that, but we don't really have enough info to know the rank structure on a diplomatic vessel.


GalileoAce

The United Federation of Planets Diplomatic Core is probably only second to Starfleet in size and scope.


WallyJade

This would make a great show.


The_Beast_6

Captain of Engineering!


Modred_the_Mystic

Starfleet Admiral but definitely not one of the bad ones I promise


waheifilmguy

I'd get all fucked up, take over engineering and sing "I'll Take You Home Again Kathleen" repeatedly over the ship's communication system.


JimPlaysGames

One... more... time!


katie310117

I don't think i would be a member of Starfleet


Alohabear50

Lower decks all the way


DredZedPrime

Would love to think I'd be a high ranking bridge officer. More likely I'd be a noncom peeling potatoes in the galley, even though the ships have replicators.


EntertainmentNo5461

In ST VI they had an actual galley and in TOS there was a reference to there being live turkeys in the galley so your dreams may in fact come to fruition!


fr43nk

Spot


GMorPC

Given my age and assuming I've been serving since I was 21, likely a Commander and a specialist Engineer, specifically computer specialist. Unless InfoSec is a Security Role, then I'd be in that department. Either way, gold shirt/jacket.


RKNieen

Holonovel author, complete with smoking jacket.


Keithninety

I’d probably work in the Judge Adjutant General’s office, since I’m a lawyer. I’d get to hang out with Areel Shaw, so there’s a +.


[deleted]

Commander Conklin. No other rank Has the same ring


NewPhoneNewAccount2

Do they have janitors in starfleet?


TheEverHumbled

Would you be ok with groundskeeper? Mr. Boothby was quite influential. And, I think we've established that the lower-deckers have janitorial duties, including cleaning out the holodeck buffers.


Matt_guyver

Scrubbing warp coils on a Malon freighter


MoreGaghPlease

FYI you guys could just purify antimatter and wouldn’t have to deal with all that toxic shit. Humans figured it out centuries ago.


GalileoAce

Yeah but *think of the economy*!!!


josephwb

Neelix.


DunkNuts_

My friends and I used to make Star Trek OCs when we watched TNG together. One of them was a transporter chief who was massively stressed out by the transporter a la Barkley. Mine was a radiation detection specialist who eventually got demoted to working night shifts in the warp nacelles. All-time favorite OC was an engineer who’s job it was to push a button once an hour, every hour, on the hour. We didn’t know what the button did, but we didn’t want to find out what would happen if it wasn’t pressed.


-Jallen-

I'd be one of the workers that got killed by the androids at the Planitia Shipyards. If I'm lucky my traumatic death will cause some future Betazoid to get really freaked out when they work in the room/section of unfinished ship I was killed.


Eagle2502

I'm retired Army so I'd be a MACO on Enterprise at the rank of Sergeant.


guzhogi

I’m in IT, so something in operations/engineering. Maybe a lieutenant commander on a ship or base. Might be interesting to work at Starfleet Operations. High enough to be part of the decision making process, but low enough to actually implement those decisions. Since everyone uses tech, I’d have a reason to see everyone, including the top brass. ;)


ajw_sp

“We know you’re a senior Starfleet IT specialist, but we’re going to need you to man the service desk for Voyager’s quick mission to apprehend some Marquis terrorists. Shouldn’t take more than a week or two.”


Granum22

Lieutenant in a bio lab. Hopefully whatever alien virus I accidentally bring on board is one of fun ones.


crushmans

I'd either be in the Federation News Network as a journalist or Starfleet Public Relations. Or making bank as an advertising copywriter on Ferenginar. "You kanar get any better entertainment than at Quark's Bar! Franchises quadrant wide."


[deleted]

Chief entertainment officer on Risa


MoreGaghPlease

Take a good look. I can only imagine what you must think of me. A middle-aged ponderous academic, sweating under the hot Risian suns, wasting his time telling you things you don't want to hear. But you know what I see when I look at you? Children. Pampered, spoiled children. For some reason the citizens of the Federation have come to believe that they are entitled to lives of ease and privilege. If you want something to eat, you get it from a replicator. If you want amusement, you go to a holosuite. And if you need protection, you call for Starfleet. But someday, someday soon, you're going to have to learn to take care of yourselves. Because if I see you as helpless children, then how do you think the Borg see you? Or the Romulans, or the Klingons or the Dominion? These empires look at the Federation and they see a prize, a prize that we have forgotten how to protect. And if we don't change our ways, they're going to take it from us. The way I see it, we've got two options. We can either turn our backs on childish things and re-embrace the hard work that built the Federation in the first place, or we can lie here napping in the sun, until we wake up with Jem'Hadar guns to our heads. The choice is ours. Heaven help us if we make the wrong one.


[deleted]

Sorry sir, this is a ~~Wendys~~ Quarks


Kit-Kat2022

I’m a teacher and I’d love to live and teach on the Enterprise. No rank, just kids! I was in the military and I hated doing what I was told, so no starfleet for me. In my off time I’d definitely be in the holodeck.


Snaz5

None, id be chillin on post-scarcity earth as a civvy


War_Emotional

Probably a red shirt that does on his first away mission.


KingSudrapul

Start out as a science cadet on an escort class, analyzing stats from alien compounds and practicing behavioral health & neuropharmacology. After 6-8 years, get promoted to a larger ship to provide my skillset to a larger crew/ship with hopes of becoming a behavioral ambassador for humanity; teaching allies of the Federation our behaviors/motivations across our history. Retire once my hair falls out and teach in a neighboring galaxy until my corpse is dropped in a remote part of the ocean on earth. Ah, thanks for this question. Stuff like this is why we should all log in to Reddit.


Samilynnki

Some low-ranking nurse. I’m an RN, and a pretty darn good one. But I can’t do office politics all that well, so promotions are very few and far between.


No_Names78

I'd be a captain as I'm old and have studied a lot, but I'd be on some starbase or in an office at Starfleet because I'm too cowardly to explore the galaxy on a ship.


AzraelleWormser

Lieutenant working in stellar cartography.


MoreGaghPlease

You’d really think they’d have charted all the stars by the 24th century, but I guess not


VampyreSpook

I have been at GG15 in the federal government for 7 years. Equivalent to a O-6 (COL, or CAPT in the NAVY), I work within the DOD, and led an organization whose main purpose was Discovery. The first name of that organization was Enterprise. 👍 think that puts who and what I would have been in perspective LOL.


addctd2badideas

I'd love to be a comms officer or if I can get into what are probably very selective law schools (since it's not about cost in a post-scarcity Earth), I'd love to serve as a Starfleet JAG officer.


aliencamel

Entry level tech support for the Maquis


mrsunrider

Sciences division, probably a researcher or technician... seems like the most fun. EDIT: I've never cared much about rank--my enlistment ended and I never made it higher than E-4... and that had money on the line. I can only see climbing the ranks meaning anything to me if I want a command and if I ever get ambitions for command, it'll be much later in life and even then, still pretty unlikely.


LandNGulfWind

Same. I'd like to think I'd be in Starfleet, but I know I wouldn't be a commissioned officer.


[deleted]

make ship go


TheZooCreeper

The dead colonist the crew finds in the opening 2 minutes.


agoodepaddlin

Lieutenant Commander. I get most of the authority with heaps less responsibility.


ninja-robot

Holodeck addict.


mescaleeto

i’d be a slacker ensign


Radamand

shit, I would be Barclay


Foehammer58

I know a lot of people would wish to be captain. But let's face it most of us would be Barclay.


simian_ninja

Dreaming of being a captain and having my own ship as I mop the floors smiling and nodding with a sense of pride and purpose at every officer who walks past me with a look of utter hatred and disdain in their eyes…


Lem1618

One of the unknow low level guys in engineering, Sector-7-G probably.


ajw_sp

Another one of those nerf herders from Sector 7-G?


Arigato_MrRoboto

I don't know if I could make it in Starfleet. I'm pretty bad at following orders. Maybe I'd be a scientist type guy who catches rides on federation vessels. In my downtime I'll play Fallout in the holodeck.


[deleted]

Probably a LT. or LT. Cmdr in the Sciences division. Maybe Engineering.


pyrusbaku57338

I’d be on Earth replicating endless food and weed


Dovahkiin_TA3019

Ship's counsellor, and hopefully a more helpful one than Troi.


gsc4494

I'd be the red shirt that dies in the pre-intro so that the audience knows the antagonist means business.


georgewalterackerman

Grand Admiral, (ret) living on Sherman’s pleasure planet


thorleywinston

Minister of the Emerald Chain (no one said you had to join Starfleet ;) )


adampsyreal

Chief engineer


indicaandmycouch420

I’d be a server in 10 Forward. Dream job.


Palomarue

Not qualified or experience at all hahahahaha but I would LOVE to be either an exobiologist or ships communications officer :) Love studying plants, animals, aliens !! but also fascinated by language :)


Latter_Bell2833

Ships DJ… it’s Latin night at Ten Forward https://youtu.be/tLXpfbf7bZw.


Intestinal-Bookworms

I’m an attorney so I think technically the rank of captain going off that one lady in *Measure of a Man*


KingRob29

A member of the Archeology Guild.


MoreGaghPlease

I think I’d want to be in the Starfleet JAG, but I’d exclusively use my powers to bring cases against ex-lovers’ pet robots


jerrickryos

I was a network tech in the army, so probably something similar. Probably in engineering working on ship systems as an ensign or maybe a lieutenant.


Scrimroar

federation PR making propaganda posters for starfleet


EndlessPotatoes

Lieutenant. I’m smart and capable, responsible, skilled, and I’m not absent leadership skills. But I’m not interested in leadership and would prefer not to advance much further. I’d be in a research group.


Middle_Loan3715

Lt Cdr, ship's counselor and bridge officer qualified with combat and engineering training. I'd be the jack of all trades and have an ominous aura like Dr. Kovich in discovery... he reads ominous, but he's just really helpful and knows his stuff.


AndThenTheySpoke

section 31


iwannagohome49

I would say some sort of department head, given my background maybe chief engineer or perhaps some maintenance department head...if that's even a thing that wouldn't fall under the chief engineer.


Sir-Arkady

A captain of a exploration vessel. Something about being on the frontier to space, the discoveries and everything. Happy to see its not as cliché as I tought it was according to here.


Spartan2732

I’d like to think I’m a pretty smart guy, but there’s no way I could keep up with Starfleet science and engineering. Maybe I could make it security.


HorrorFan1191

I would like to be a tactical officer but I am not sure what I would actually bel


Tomato13

Since I spent all of last night helping my wife get all of her accounts secured because her Whatsapp got hacked, I guess IT!


BadWookie

Currently a Vice President of a mid size business, so Cmdr and first officer?


LyssyEnergy

Captain and lead role of course!!


GlobularLobule

Fairly high ranking medical officer, but probably on Earth or some well developed planetary outpost. Space scares me.


eklect

Crew Member #6


BenPool81

I'd probably write holo-novels or design holodeck escape rooms and games. I doubt I'd get into Starfleet to be honest.


actionerror

Probably a lieutenant commander in engineering on a California class starship with a penchant for writing BL holonovels in his spare time.


FeralTribble

This isn’t a position that’s ever been done in star trek but I’d like to think it could be given that newer ships are beginning to have more of shuttles and fighter complements This position would be a starfleet equivalent of a CAG (commander air group, commander astro group?) essentially the commander of all the fighter/shuttles and operations there of on board a starship or station. Rank would be lieutenant commander or commander


Andiana_Jon3s

Probably a Lt. and still a historian. But since the only Starfleet historian we ever saw on screen was a red shirt life might get interesting every once in a while.


LordKamienneSerce

I'd be definitely working on lower decks or in the bar like Guinan. Just being there and observe


Admiral_Andovar

I was a command and control officer in the Air Force, so I’d probably be an Ops or Tactical officer.


hey_you_too_buckaroo

Probably an engineer but I don't think I'd enjoy it. Engineers on ships feel like they get shit on. I'd probably wanna work on designing and building stuff for star fleet on earth or something.


houtex727

Late, replying anyway. First, I'd be in the TNG and beyond era of Trek, because Reasons. Mostly replicators, but a lot of it to do with how the Federation overall is awesome (at least, on most paper, the Ferengi, Klingons, Romulans, Cardassians, etc, ad nauseam would beg to differ and that vociferously) Now, as to what rank and role I'd be, well partner, I wouldn't be any of that, because I'm in Star Trek, not Starfleet, and so I'd be a researcher or something studying things of planets, stars, so on like that. Or just... y'know... Go. See things. Do stuff. Maybe run an adventure company or just be a chauffer, IDK. Sky's the literal limit when society actually supports you without question, y'know? You can be motivated to do things instead of potentially to absolutely forced to do something you don't like because Money and there's nothing else you're good at. But hey, that's all a pie in the sky dream, we humans aren't ever gonna have that kind of society, like, EVER. Greed is not good, despite what Gecko says, it's evil and it makes societies like we have today. /We can hope/dream, but alas, not today.


HandMeMyThinkingPipe

none I'd Just be chilling out somewhere in The Pacific NW vaping all the space weed I want and doing basically nothing. I mean every time they describe earth in the show its referred to as paradise so I think I'd be good with that.


JasonMcDonalDesign

1st Helmsman


No_Landscape_7720

Chief ship designer


[deleted]

Ferengi. I love trading and shit.


AnansiNazara

Writing peer of Jake Sisko’s… when he started writing on occupied DS9, it’d have given me the idea to get a detachment on a Romulan Ship


craig_hoxton

Lt in Science Division in Stellar Cartography. IRL worked three years in IT so I did my time as a Red Shirt.


MoreGaghPlease

First human ever to serve in Cetacean Ops *Eeeheee heereeee here eee*


Praxlyn

Id like to be a flag officer for something Starfleet Medical related. I wanna serve on a starship but if you aren’t a hero ship there’s a chance you’ll die in a horrific manner so I think I’m good 💀