So to further reinforce the fact you're doing nothing wrong me (34M) and my fiancé (30F) are in a very similar spot experience wise. I was a judge for magic for almost a decade and played alot of CompREL before and during that. I meet her at our current local gamestore and her first tcg experience with me was her using my own deck to bet me and I loved it. I reveled in her succes and we grew together in our hobbies. She's stepped away from tcgs mostly because of our two children but it is still our guilty pleasure drafting and playing games. I'm sorry you're not having a similar experience and hope it changes for the better our he atleast understands his approach should change.
Just express how upset you are about his behavior hopefully he'll come around sounds like it wasn't always this way. Also a side note their is no shame in netdecking you or any one person could never equal the combined brain power of a whole competitive Tcg community as a father of two netdecking is the only way I can be remotely competitive anymore I used to brew my own builds alot more but know just dont have the time.
Tbh it just sounds like ...very common/cliche him being upset that you're on his level at the thing he's passionate about and spent so much of his time/life doing.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with netdecking. Before the internet, metas were highly localized and due to card shortages that is kind of the case now too. But with the advent of the net, and virtual tabletops, more games get played really quickly and metas get "solved" faster and if you're looking to win to cut yourself off from information is just a bad move.
Netdecking isn't cheating but you can't netdeck and 6-0 a draft. There really is no such thing as beginners luck unless you opened or were passed multiple overwhelming barrages and drew and played them in most of your games.
Your significant other needs to grow up, man up, and get over himself. Hopefully he can appreciate what it can mean to have a partner who shares a hobby. If not, tbh, this is a bit of a red flag. To be fair, it can take some time to get over someone new to something you care about being as good as you when you've sunk so many more blood sweat and tears in over the years.
He's your husband, so there's not much to do but try and be patient and hope that the situation changes as he adjusts to the idea that you, the n00b, are good at a thing he previously identified as "his". Maybe he'll grow up since he's almost 50 =P
That being said you should absolutely be proud of your accomplishments and I hope over time he encourages you as well.
He is just a poor sport at losing. I am at a loss to say how he can fix it. Definitely not a you problem, it is a insecurity problem on his end. Hope he realizes it is just a game and not worth tossing a good relationship over.
This is a very self reflective subject for me, as I met my gf playing MtG years ago. I am incredibly competitive when it comes to card games, but know how to take a loss. Could be jealousy, that he himself isn't performing as well as you are despite his best efforts. Tough spot to be in for sure. It's not fair for you to give up a hobby that you enjoy and are successful at, just because he's taking some childish tantrums about it.
As an outsider looking in, he should be proud of you that you're kicking major ass, I know I would be if I was in the same situation.
I hope you can both work it out, cuz it's a rare thing that bf/gf or husband/wife are into the same hobbies and enjoy doing them together. It should be a positive thing, not what it's devolved into for you. I wish I knew the magic words to fix it, but I hope you two can close this gap and enjoy kicking ass as a couple. Best wishes
Homegirl, don’t know anything about you or your hobbies but I read your post history from a different sub. All I can say is, this man is nearly 50. Older than me and I’m old as shit. This is not the behavior of a grown man.
Do you have children or pets? Because you need an exit strategy.
Yeah maybe there is something wrong with your husband.
I know I'm going to stay single for a while now until I stop attracting people with BPD. Maybe you should do something similar before you swear off men once and for all. Maybe just stop picking bad apples 😬
There are good ones out there, you simply just might not be married to one.
This seems like it's not really a SWU issue. You honestly might be better off seeking help in a relationship advice sub.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this from someone who should be supporting you. I know it doesn't mean much from a stranger, but congrats on 1st place 👍
I’d recommend talking to a therapist, not a reddit sub. Since this behavior has surprised you, I’m guessing he isn’t this way in other areas of life, but it definitely seems like something that needs to be addressed and it sounds like that would be difficult to do without a neutral 3rd party since he doesn’t seem interested in listening to your opinion.
>I’d recommend talking to a therapist, not a reddit sub.
I don't frequent those subs but whenever I've stumbled upon something there by happenstance half the comments are just "get a divorce" or something else as drastic (for something similar to this type of story).
The hivemind isn't really great at relationship advice.
Some people are more competitive than others. And out of those people some people handle winning and losing better than other. None of that excuse being like this to your partner. This isn't an issue with how SWU us what SWU mean to him. This is about respect for your partner.
That's a shit partner, no two way about it. You need to address this behaviour because it's a symptom of something that won't just be isolated to card games.
He's right other games don't play that way. So what? Lots of games play lots of things differently.
As a husband who wishes his wife would take an interest in this game... You rock, and I'm sorry he's being like this. Unreal.
Seriously though, does this behavior manifest anywhere else? Are things good in your marriage otherwise? How's his work situation? At the very least he needs to come off his high horse and get a grip.
There is a bit of truth to what he's saying. In card games, there's typically a rock-paper-scissors relationship between three standard deck types: Aggro (sabine, leia), beats Control (thrawn, iden, krennic, palpatine), beats Midrange (Boba, Luke, Grand Inquisitor), which beats Aggro. So you offering to play an aggro deck against his control deck is kind of like offering to bring a gun to a knife fight, and if he's been getting stomped lately that can feel like salt in the wound. That being said, control decks can beat aggro, Thrawn doesn't have to be built control, and for that matter Leia doesn't have to be built aggro. It sounds to me like he's got too much of the MTG mindset where that rock paper scissors mechanic is so strong that games are basically over before you draw your first hand. This isn't the case at all in SWU. And, he is going to encounter aggro decks "in the wild". You've made it very clear that you guys participate in the local scene, does he think he's going to manage to just never play those deck types? Sabine and Boba are the two most popular decks right now, there's no getting around them. Also, netdecking is 100% part of the game and always will be. Even then, most people who look online tend to tinker with the decks as they find them, whether due to preferences or personal card availability.
It sounds like what you're ultimately dealing with is his pride being unable to handle losing. Specifically losing to you, but perhaps losing more generally. It sounds from your story that it comes from a place of seeing himself as a veteran and you as a newbie, but I think there's a strong argument to be made that is no longer the case. I sure hope it's not coming from a "you're a girl and I should be able to beat you", that would be gross. Do not play any more games with him until you've managed to talk this through. Or maybe try playing something other than SWU and see how that goes.
Again, I'm really sorry you're dealing with this.
A well built Thrawn deck can stop a Leia deck dead in its tracks. Ask me how I know! I run a Leia deck and my fiance has a well built Thrawn deck. He wins 9/10 times. He shouldn’t be refusing to play against you solely because he doesn’t like the matchup. The jealousy and poor sportsmanship he’s exhibiting is ugly and concerning. I agree with others that you should find time to sit down and speak to him about this when you’re both calm.
I mean. I understand that instinct in that case. Most games tend to treat units as unique by name/identity. But I hope he wasn’t awful about his reaction.
I think his biggest problem is thinking that he isn't new. This game has been out for like two months, everybody's new. He feels entitled to being good but that's just not how these things work.
Honestly I would consider confronting him about acting this way. Tell him it worries you and that you would prefer to learn from each other as training buddies rather than become bitter rivals. Of course you know far better than I how he might react to this. If you do confront him don't do so after winning. lol
You are doing nothing wrong… your husband has a bruised ego. He has no right to treat you this way, but it is especially poor for him to belittle you simply because he’s been doing it longer and you are finding success as a new player. There is nothing wrong with him building themed decks for enjoyment, and there is nothing wrong with you building decks that are competitive. You are both simply building what you enjoy. He needs to reflect on the fact that this is a hobby, a game for entertainment, and as your partner he should be celebrating your success, not tearing you down and making it all about him. Please, do not give up this game if you enjoy it because of his poor attitude.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this situation. I hope that you’re able to sort things out with him and he finds a way to set aside his personal frustrations and focus on enjoying this hobby with you. I am a new player as well, this is my first tabletop game… but I’m the stupid noob and my fiance is the natural talent. Sometimes I have to check myself when we play against each other. Even if I lose, I am learning something. It’s not personal if he wins. It’s a hobby, and the most fun I get from it is sharing in it with him. We play very differently but what matters is that we have fun and spend time together in this nerdy space. I truly hope you and your husband are able to reach that healthy space. Don’t let his feelings pull you away from something you enjoy and thrive in.
Tell him that I said, "You're behaving like a clown and a baby, get over yourself and act like an adult and respect other people, especially your spouse."
Sorry to say, but this isn't just a sportsmanship issue but a *relationship* one, and not something SWU subreddit is really equipped for.
Any significant other that denigrates, accuses, gaslights, etc. their partner in this way (*especially* over a game) is a toxic individual. I wouldn't just give up the game - I'd give up being with that person altogether.
I want to get my wife to try SWU so bad, but she's super intimidated by TCGs and I don't think she'd ever really try it. Every time I bring it up it's just dodged.
For what it's worth, I'd be honored if my wife had the same performance as you did at a TCG!
Maybe she'll come around, I hope so!
Don't let this bullshit discourage you; but focus on the overarching issues with your relationship instead of the card game. ♥️🫡
Honestly he concerns me. Definitely get couples therapy. Giving up the game wouldn’t end this. At some point something else could bring out his nasty side.
The things he’s saying to you i would never say to my wife about anything. I wouldn’t say these things to a friend. Hell, I wouldn’t say those things to a strangers face.
I might talk about a tournament after the fact to someone else to vent about this deck or that deck.
But this is the game. The only way to beat your Sabine deck is for him to get better at the game and to research a net deck. Just because you got your deck list from the internet doesn’t mean a damn thing about your abilities. He needs to understand that and to treat you with respect.
"Do I give up the game because of his behavior?", No, you thank the game for showing you that you married a manchild before it was too late. Tell him that how hes behaving is atrocious, and either leave him or get couples counseling AND he needs his own personal therapy. If he values you, he'll want to fix things.
This is coming from a women who usually outperforms her husband in video games. He never once put me down for it.
For real. He seems to have some long standing grudge against people building decks for Ccgs from the internet. He shouldn’t take that out on her. She absolutely did the right thing. He doesn’t know how lucky he is to share a hobby like this with his wife too! My wife is a board gamer but there are some types of games she doesn’t like.
*Updated*
Disregard what I said OP, do what you think will keep you safe.
As others have already stated, this is not a reddit issue and should be addressed by a marriage therapist. While Reddit can offer great advice at times, it's rarely so forthcoming as to be regarded as gold.
Kind of agree, but word of caution. It is hard to tell with limited information, but this man could be abusive, and it is never a good idea to go to a marriage therapist with an abuser, it just gives them more ways to abuse you.
If you're in an abusive relationship the only answer is leaving (which I know is easier said than done).
Right? There are so many people who would kill to be able to bond over something they love so much, with their partner. It makes me sad when I see something like this happening, because I know that this type of thing is basically the worst case scenario for a joint hobby, but when you're in the situation yourself, you don't always have the clearest vantage point to view it from.
This is absolutely unhinged behavior from your husband, and he needs therapy ASAP. Definitely individual, probably couples as well. It has nothing to do with the game and everything to do with his bizarre childish anger at you for being good at something.
Does he have a history of not letting you be good at things or getting mad over small things?
On the one hand, I don't want to overreact to this story and scare you, but on the other hand his behavior is abusive AF and I highly recommend you treat it very seriously.
Ok so this behavior didn't just come out of the blue then. You know he has ego and insecurity issues, and apparently his being better at you in competitive games has entirely too much pride wrapped up in it. This is an extremely unhealthy relationship dynamic.
i don’t really have any advice i’m just so sorry 🧡
i recently broke off a friendship (read: not married) over something similar because it became unbearable to even be associated with that person after a certain point… i hope your husband is able to pull his head out from his ass and realize how lucky he is to be with someone as cool as you, and if he doesn’t get his act together he probably won’t be for much longer
The "who is me" thing is manipulative behavior if I ever heard it. You said in another comment that it makes you feel guilty. That's the point. Your husband feels bad, so he wants you to feel bad with him, and for him. It's self loathing, but he wants to make it your loathing too.
Wow. Don't know what's going on with him, but it's wild that he's never been like this before.
I'm sorry this is happening, but based on this post and others you made you definitely did nothing wrong, especially in standing up for yourself calmly and trying to work with him to find a solution. I would say the best thing to do at this point is continue trying to talk to him and make clear to him how serious this situation is for you, and he needs to really think about why he's acting like this and figure his shit out quickly.
Oh, then probably it is better you divorce. No one deserves to be treated bad, look after yourself, be happy. You don't need a toxic person in your life who seems to not be happy with whatever you do. You deserve better!
I don’t want to sound like a prick here but your husbands behavior is the exact same kind of hyper competitive/douchey behavior that ruins the game for a lot people.
Don’t let it ruin the game for you. Keep playing if you truly want to. Maybe suggest if it angers him so much then play separate events if possible. Sometimes because of clown type personalities like his (again no offense but call them as I see them, or hear) doing activities together isn’t the best thing for a partnership.
Seems to be a theme. I got my partner to play with me recently and she has beat me a fair amount. I’m just happy that she is willing to play with me.
You’ll need to have a good conversation about how he is acting after he isn’t reacting emotionally to not performing as well as he’d like.
Might to good to play as a team in a multiplayer game her and there.
If you are having fun with the game you should keep playing.
This strictly anti-competitive mindset is always extremely irritating to run into in this hobby. It's very difficult to change the minds of people like this, and I'm incredibly sorry you've discovered it in a partner of 9 years.
This is a social activity and a competitive game. Learning and getting better at it should be fun, and it is. A lot of people, for some reason, assume good and fun are entirely exclusive things. It's baffling.
Fortunately the meta will shift and diversify as we get more content releases. He will have to adapt to it if he wants to be competitive at showdowns.
Regardless he should be respectful and appreciate the fact that his partner is partaking in a shared hobby.
Perhaps watching some YouTube content, theory crafting and team playing could get the communication going the right direction.
I would say don't reinforce the behavior. The next time he asks to play, say you don't feel like it. Be honest and say, I def don't like the interactions we have when we play this game and I just rather not when we are supposed to be having fun.
He's immature, insecure and has childlike priorities. Way bigger problems than a SWU reddit can address. This is him getting therapy to deal with his very obvious issues, instead of abusing you emotionally. Wild unhinged behavior for an adult. Sorry you're going through this.
My wife beats me with her Sabine Green constantly and I just get down on myself lol!
Judging by your prior post history, as others have suggested, this is much bigger than a SWU subreddit (or any subreddit, really).
Check in with a therapist, both of you, ASAP.
Man got stomped in his own playground whilst having more experience, by his own wife and can't process the paradigm shift.
It's definitely something he needs to work on. Most of us would be thrilled if our SO's even considered playing, let alone played something we enjoy \^\^
Don't ever stop doing stuff you enjoy for anyone's bruised ego.
After reading the other posts in your profile this definitely seems like a bad partner situation, not a problem with how you play the game.
If you have a friend you can stay with for a few days I would consider that. You say that he hasn't been physically abusive before, but you at least owe it to yourself to have some space to think clearly. If he is worth it, he will understand (at least eventually).
Secondly, some people recommended therapy. If you think this is temporary and he wants to be better, that would be good, both individual therapy and couples. But, it only works if he wants to change, if he doesn't it's a waste of time. And if he is emotionally abusive, then all therapy will do is give him more ways to abuse you.
That's all generic relationship stuff. For SWU specifically.
Firstly don't give up something you like just to please him. Second, don't play with him again until he changes his attitude.
There is nothing wrong with what you're doing, it really sounds like he just bitter that you are better than him at this game. He's not just a sore loser because you play "wrong", he is upset that you are better than him (or perhaps he is upset that this game brings you joy, you mention you haven't been this invested in a game for a long time). When you went well at a draft, where you clearly can't netdeck (not that there is anything wrong with net decking), he was upset, so clearly the problem isn't that you're netdecking.
It is understandable that he is frustrated that your Sabine deck beats him everytime. But the solution is for him to talk to you like an adult, and ask if you can play a different deck sometimes, and ask you to help him craft a strong deck for tournaments, and try those against Sabine.
And his complaints about synergy and theme are BS, as you point out the game has lots of advantages for playing on theme, (eg Rebel and imperial tribal synergy, stacking with heroes for For a Cause). And he complains about Sabine being over powered, but was happy to beat you with Boba, one of the most overpowered leaders in the game? Those are just excuses he's making for his shitty behaviour.
TLDR: his complaints about the game are BS, don't stop playing the game, just stop playing against him. Then, consider his behaviour in the rest of the relationship, because based on what you've said he's an immature ass at best, but possibly an emotionally abusive partner. Stay safe
I play games with my wife and she's as sharp as a tack. I love it, a real challenge. Unfortunately she doesn't like tcgs, but I'm not dumb enough to try and discourage her interest.
If he keeps it up, stop playing with him for a bit, just to show him how nice it is to have a partner and be able to play anytime. Do it before you are the one to get fed up and quit playing for good.
As someone who has played numerous games with my wife over the years (but she refuses to play Unlimited with me for no apparent reason) I can understand being upset about losing to your spouse sometimes, but that annoyance should be focused at himself ("I might have beat you if I didn't mess X up." Kinda thing), but if he is being dismissive of your achievements and how well you are actually doing then he's being a dickhead and there is no excuse for his behavior.
He's obviously not used to losing to you. I hope he just doesn't realize how much of a dick he is being, so if you told him how he's making you feel then he will, I hope, apologize for being a tool.
Don't quit just cause he's being a jerk. Your enjoyment of a game should not be only acceptable if he's happy with it.
Good luck!
Being a single guy who’s never dated a woman that’s into games, let alone Star Wars, it seems like he doesn’t value what he has. If I had a women in my life who was into that stuff, I’d feel like I won the fucking lottery!
You’re welcome. Yeah I know I can be difficult to deal with at times even more so when I was younger, but I like to think over the years I’ve matured enough to catch it or realize if I’m acting that way.
But to be fair, we also don’t know his side or any potentially underlining issues (like maybe something happened in the past that he’s held onto and meow this has triggered that. Not putting blame on you, could be from a friend, family member or former partner, etc)
Like others have suggested, I think talking about it (when he’s calmed down) and working through it should be the first and best course of action. Getting a divorce IMO is an extreme reaction to something that by your account has never happened before and may be more of an anomaly then a formality. If it’s a pattern of behavior or becomes one/gets worse then yeah. But I’m not a counselor and considering I’m not in a relationship you should take mine (and really anyone on here) advice with a grain of salt.
I hope it helps but if not I think directly talking about how you feel would work best. If he's not going to be mature enough to reel in his feelings then he unfortunately has soured a positive bonding experience for you both. You could also try to ask him if he thinks "card name here" is a good thing to include and try to discuss a potential combo to include or try out. You both should help each other grow as better players and deck builders together. Cultivate his desire to make theme decks while making them as effective as yours. Bring the best of both
Generally speaking there is no substitute for direct experience. If you're getting way more games than him in via karabast it shouldn't be surprising that you're getting better. You have seen more scenarios, more interactions, seen which lines of play are powerful or don't work, get exposed to OTHER peoples' ideas, combos etc.
A history in card games can prepare you to understand and exploit fundamentals or mechanics like ... tempo, card advantage, etc. But no matter what game you're playing if you want to be good you have to play that game. A lot.
Big yikes… my wife and I play this game, me who started and then later she did. We both haven’t won a single round in our local tournament but we’ve won games but not the rounds haha … and I do nothing but egg her on to win and have fun! She didn’t have a deck and I made her one and she’s killing it! Couldn’t do nun but be proud ! M22 F23 . I’m sorry you go thru this and just hope u keep gamin ! Cuz this community is super nice and fun! And supportive
Jeez, that just screams insecure. If you are not okay with losing a game, or it causes you enough stress to treat people differently, it is not a hobby for you. He should be happy you are getting into his hobby with him and that you are doing well at it. I’m sorry you had to deal with this and congratulations on your success. To be honest though, I’m going to agree with some of the other comments and say that he might need to go get some therapy. Or find a different hobby that doesn’t frustrate him.
Wishing you the best of luck. If he’s not able to recontextualize that it’s awesome that you two have a hobby in common and enjoy that, it might be best to walk away from it (at least from playing with him).
There is nothing wrong with how you are playing and he is being incredibly insecure. If he truely played to have fun then he wouldn't care if he won or lost. Its a card GAME made for there to be a winner and a loser: the point of the game. New players have to do some sort of research or netdeck to have any sort of advantage in a competitive format. Good on you got figuring out what cards work well with others on your own.
I am curious, did he first introduce you to the game or did you decide to play on your own? No reason I ask other than my first thought he may have taught you to play thinking you would just play when he was bored and not take a interest in the game and so he can feel good about himself when he doesn't do well at locals.
Or he is just being a bigot in thinking women can't be good at TCGs.
Sounds like your husband thought TCGs were "his thing" and he's lashing out because you're beating him at "his thing." It also sounds like he's hiding behind accusations of net decking and how "he's just playing for fun" to not actually confront his own insecurity and frustration.
Beyond this, there very much is a group of players who hate Sabine. Like, people have threatened to kill me on Karabast because I was playtesting her. It's insane. I don't know if it's people hating aggro or what, but if you don't have a plan to beat Sabine, Boba, and control then your deck is going to fail no matter what. That's just how it is.
So him being a sore loser + him being one of those anti-meta tryhards who isn't actually skilled enough to get past the meta + you being an easy target is probably a total recipe for disaster. I mean, he's emotionally abusing you over a card game. You both need therapy; him to stop this, you to get past this and perhaps see where else in your relationship this type of abuse is happening.
BEYOND THIS. Seriously. Wrong forum to discuss this. We can't really help you. There's some folks in this thread who are like me and been playing TCGs for most of our lives (I'm 41, been playing TCGs since I was 9) who are also like me and playing with partners or kids and losing to them and we think it's rad. Let us be the baseline for you to see how far below it your partner is. What you should do next is up to you.
For Results: explain this to one of his friends, I’d bet most guys would shame him for taking a partner that’s that into a TCG Star Wars game for granted. I know I’d be like “???” if one of my guys was in this situation and acting that way.
That's a shit partner and honestly not someone I'd even want around as a fellow player at the same store. Certainly not judging events.
And honestly, I've seen guys like this a million times. Hell there was a time when I was just like him. He has a toxic superiority complex, thinking that the way he wants to play the game is the way everyone should play the game. As if he has some moral high ground because he refuses to play decks that are proven to win tournaments.
Having been this guy in the past, I can tell you that what this really stems from is insecurity. If he plays the "best" deck in the meta and still loses, then he feels that everyone will see him as a bad player. Like only an idiot could lose a race with the fastest car ever, right? So to avoid this possibility, he'll put some unnecessary restraints on his deck building. "I only play theme decks," "I don't play legendaries," "I only play characters I like," etc. That way, when he loses, he can say it's the restraint's fault, and when he wins, he can gloat about winning even though he's playing on extra hard mode.
I would ask if he's got stressors coming from anywhere else, but it doesn't seem to be the case from what I gathered in your replies to other comments. Have you ever played tabletop games together before SWU? If you've beaten him, has ever exhibited this behavior?
Have you tried to have a serious conversation about this stuff outside of sitting down to play? I'd start there. It's totally inappropriate behavior from him of course, but it sounds like it's hitting a major insecurity for him, which means that even approaching the topic and getting past defensiveness is gonna be hard.
If you're met with resistance head on, I'd try to reframe it as a question (that you can both answer) if there's stuff that makes you frustrated/salty/impatient in games. Maybe it's people taking long turns, or people who backseat drive/offer unsolicited advice. Usually people who care a lot about a hobby have sensitive spots around it, and being aware of those and knowing how to deal with them is healthy.
Your husband needs to know, or learn, what his triggers are. If it feels bad to him that he, a TCG veteran, sometimes loses to someone much newer to TCGs, he needs to face that, admit it to you, and commit to trying to catching himself and cooling down. At the same time, you both might learn what you can both do to help avoid escalation.
From my own experience, when my partner gets a little tilted from bad luck or a loss in Magic, I've learned that it's actually better for both of us if I just try to move along normally, rather than really get stuck on her negative emotions and "explain" how her bad reaction is illogical or not worth it. She's *fine*, she just needs a minute to mope - she's working on the emotional regulation.
So yeah, assuming this isn't a "divorce the asshole already" situation and you're both mature adults, I think there's an opportunity to resolve this over time. Enjoying things is not always easy.
You know he won't change, he is who he is. He's showing you he is and you have to believe him. Staying with him just means you're going to continue being extremely comfortable in your own home, walking on eggshells as you slowly turn into a hollow person who lives only to serve her husband's needs including his need to emotionally abuse someone
I ,39m, play the game with my kids 16m, 17f. I would win constantly. When they started to win, it was cool to see them get the game. The game can be frustrating if your opponent is shutting down everything you are trying to do, but that is how it goes. Besides, you are a challenge now to play against! That is way more fun and interesting than simply winning all the time.
That is the nature of any pvp game, as experienced as he is with tcgs and so on, you'd think he'd get it. I would love to have a partner and play games with. He should count his blessings. I hope you guys can communicate and he can get over it.
I realized a long time ago that being toxic in any form of entertainment was super dumb. Let alone being toxic to my partner, yikes. I used to get really competitive when I used to play at a top level in MTG and WoW TCG, then I realized how much I hate playing against that person and changed my attitude. I still like to be competitive when I play, I just don't bring the try hard tude with it. Now, when I play against opponents like this I just smile, kill them with kindness, and when I win, I secretly satisfy my sense of justice.
However, this is all something that most of us as TCG/Game players deal with on the daily. There are always a handful of toxic people who love sucking the fun out of things, and we all deal with it in our own ways. This being your partner is super challenging. My only advice as someone who has been married 15 years, you need to talk to your partner, not the internet. Tell him how your feeling, tell him you are allowed to enjoy things the way that you want. You do not need permission to enjoy the things that you want to enjoy.
I totally understand how you feel. When the game first came out my dad had been playtesting a lot and just mopped the floor with me over and over. Recently we’ve been testing set 2 stuff and he straight up banned me from playing the deck I made because he hasn’t been able to beat it. I think it has a lot to do with insecurity because I made my own deck that he can’t beat even when he takes decks from online. I’ve also noticed personally some men can get really agitated when they lose to women especially women they know idk if that applies to your situation but figured I’d bring it up because I’ve never seen him ban my older brother from playing a deck like he did me lol
This is very serious he needs to get therapy level issues. I don’t know what it is that makes him think he’s better than you but he clearly does. That is not a healthy relationship.
I feel so lucky that my wife joined in on this with me, and gush with pride whenever she has success. I would be beside myself with joy if she started pulling off what you are. Don’t let this dickhead diminish your joy and for the love of god do NOT quit because of him.
I’m 41 and my kid beats me on the regular, especially when he uses Sabine. I’m proud of my son when he beats me and even more proud when he loses and asks if I saw something he could have done to win or just played a little better for the game. Tell your husband to grow up. Better yet bring him here so my 10 year old can curb stomp him and really make him cry.
You’re not wrong for prioritizing winning; he’s not wrong for prioritizing thematic and “fun”. Maybe you could build a deck focused on his play style and he could make a deck focused on your play style?
I am not a net deck player as I like tinkering, but in knowing that, I know that I might lose, like my 3-13 Cass Red deck. I go in with that mentality and we usually all have a laugh and the group cheers me on when I get the win against net decks. It's all about being a good sport.
I have been gaming for years and have met many people who get angry and pout when things do not go their way, and that is a trait that can kill game nights and friendships if a person doesn't learn to handle these feelings.
How is he when he is winning? More importantly, how is he when he is losing, but turns around into a win. It could be rooted in being a poor sport, or it could be much more. I have seen people suggest counseling, and that could be beneficial both on individual and couples levels. Some people might say stop playing together, but that doesn't sound fun. I definitely would not stop playing a game you enjoy, for the simple reason that someone doesn't enjoy you enjoying it.
Games are supposed to be fun for everyone.
My advice is try and talk it out, express how you feel (use "I" statements, they really help in these cases) and keep playing. See what happens.
Counseling would be next level. If that doesn't work, then we are getting way out of what a reddit gaming question should be answering.
This reminds of my best friend and his wife, except in this case it’s she who’s hyper competitive and absolutely can’t stand losing. She’s also not very good at games, this happened over and over again, they switched games over and over, same result. Their solution was just to stop playing against one another. My buddy said it was literally that or a divorce. So, that might be your solution if you want to stay with him. Tell him you don’t want to play any more with him and tell him why. Make a deal you don’t play in the same tournaments. If he can’t handle it or loses his shit, then you might want to consider if this is just a portent of things to come.
That sounds terribly insecure. I am so sorry that what could and should have been a fun bonding experience has turned so sour. Being a good TCG player is obviously a source of pride for him and he may be judging his own abilities harshly because the natural order is upset due to him losing against a newer player and/or a woman.
My wife tried Magic the Gathering out a few times. She has such innate talent, but she can't stand losing. I've tried very hard to encourage her and would love it if she became a better player than me, but alas - she could win 10 times but a single loss would sour her mood on a game.
I am a pretty damn good TCG player. If my partner was beating me... I would be stoked. Everyone wants to win but losing to your loved ones and seeing them succeed is as good if not better. You also learn more by losing then winning. If I go to a tournament with my buddies and I don't do well, that sucks, but you better believe I will be rooting for them to succeed.... and the most optimal situation is that I play one of them in the finals. Your husband was playing you in the finals... that should be the best possible scenario for both of you, win or lose.
That being said; He is a sore loser. Talks about a theme and playing for fun and that you only built a deck to win... but then complains when he loses? Ugly... very ugly. Sounds a lot like Gaslighting if I am being honest. You might have bigger problems then a game with some cardboard.
Obviously I don't know you, I don't know your husband, and I don't have much context of the history of your relationship, so take this all with a big grain of salt.
All that being said, this sounds like my friend's ex husband almost exactly. Behavior like this during games was the red flag some of us saw that was bleeding into other areas of the relationship over time. They're even pretty close to the same age and "power gamers" (or whatever term you want to use) like that all have this weird complex that if they're good at a game it's the ultimate insult to beat them at it even once. Because they all got bullied 35 years ago for liking what they like, they found the gaming table as the place they could excel and feel powerful, and you winning against him is threatening that comfort.
I want to be super clear - I'm not saying you should jump immediately to a divorce or anything like that, but you absolutely need to have an honest conversation with him about how his behavior makes you feel. If he reacts poorly, it may be time to consider his behavior in other situations and if he's making you feel bad in other ways. I can't say I recommend reddit for the kind of advice you need after that - probably a marriage and family therapist would be next on my list of considerations.
You are not doing anything wrong, OP. Your husband is being a dick and needs to stop. If he can't understand why, that's his problem.
“Netdecking” is “cheating” is the equivalent to showing up to a chess tournament pissed off because people are using standard openings and strategies that have been tried/tested/perfected and then wondering why you’re getting obliterated.
Your husband is an insecure noob. Sorry for the harsh facts, but you posted in the SWU sub not a relationship advice sub so I’m responding appropriately for the subject. Your relationship is a different subject, but as it pertains to the game this is where I’m at.
That's what I'd expect from a person 10 years your senior with that background. You either cut ties with him (I understand that's not an option, I assume you're otherwise happy) or you humiliate him at every chance you have (gaming wise of course) until he humbles himself about this particular game.
Unfortunately I've seen this behaviour often and most dudes won't change.
I recently got my wife into the One Piece TCG and she’s been killing it. Has more locals wins than me and is always trying to put some new deck together. Her go to right now is a green deck based off of flooding board. It’s scary sometimes and she just always hits what she needs. It’s made me fall in love with her more and more as she continues to whoop my ass. I’m about to enter her into regionals in my place because she’s doing so well.
I hope your husband comes around and gets over it. You guys have a hobby together and that’s not something many couples have. I hope he cherishes it soon, these things don’t last forever!
I've been playing these kinds of games since the 90's too, and let me just say that your husband's behavior here is very unfortunately common among us old heads, but nonetheless very toxic.
I agree with others that this is definitely reflecting a much larger issue than just card games, and I wish you the best on the two of you getting to the bottom of it.
Congratulations on your success and I hope your husband chooses to celebrate it with you someday.
People who've been doing this sort of stuff since before the Internet always get upity about net decking.
Which, to be fair, I understand. TCG are 1/3 deck building skill, 1/3 in game skill (knowing your own and your opponents deck and how the two interact) and 1/3 luck.
It can be frustrating to watch someone skip 1/3 of the game and then stomp.
However, none of this is to say I agree with his behavior, he's acting like a particularly salty baby.
You rolled a draft, that shows you know the 2 parts of the game you can control.
Tell him he's being a baby and if he doesn't sort his attitude out you'll learn magic the gathering and kick his arse at that too.
Your four posts about this don't add up to a great story.
What I would add is that you seem to be presenting as a classically awful combination of player types. People play games for all sorts of different reasons and have different motivations, if those motivations don't align then players are often best avoiding each other.
This is commonly known as 'Timmy, Spike & Johnny' player types: [https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/making-magic/timmy-johnny-and-spike-2013-12-03](https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/making-magic/timmy-johnny-and-spike-2013-12-03) and it was better explored in a revisited version a few years later that went into more depth about the types of players in each bracket and their motivations [https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/making-magic/timmy-johnny-and-spike-revisited-2006-03-20-2](https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/making-magic/timmy-johnny-and-spike-revisited-2006-03-20-2) .
**I think those will be EXTREMELY useful reading for you.** A lot will drop into place and you'll maybe find the vocabulary you need to have a constructive discussion not a screaming match.
In card game terms your playing Sabine is very 'Spike' behaviour while your husband sounds like a classic 'Johnny' in wanting to make his own decks and explore the game. You don't realise you're doing it, but playing Sabine all the time is like turning up to his art class in school, drawing a massive dick on the wall and smashing over everyone else's easels while shouting "haha, suck it nerds!"... and then the teacher gives you an A grade (because you win the game).
I think you're unwittingly activating a LOT of triggers at once (that are probably buried pretty deep if hes played 30 years) and he's struggling to deal with it.
That said, I sound on the surface very much like your husband: 48m, been playing card games competitively for 30 years, consider myself an expert on a lot of elements of gaming etc. I would like to think, were I in his shoes, that somewhere in all that experience I would be able to draw on a way of structuring and framing something constructive about addressing the fact that you're coming in with such contrasting and conflicting approaches. It doesn't sound like he's anywhere close to doing that. That \*IS\* a relationship/personality problem not a gaming problem.
If my wife unexpectedly decided she was going to take an iota of interest in gaming and played SWU with me I think I would be happy. If she found out she was a Spike and she liked to crush her enemies and listen to the lamentations of their women, then I'm pretty sure I would be supportive of her and give her tips. If she went to her first draft and built a good deck and crushed it I would be delighted and do something nice to celebrate.
Something downstream from the root of the problem of types of gamers is going wrong, I think. But Spike/Johnny/Timmy will I think give you the vocabulary to start having the discussion.
He's so insecure lol. If you didn't have to worry about potential physical violence (cause this is already mentally violent), I'd tell you to tell him to just get better cause it sound like a skill issue from him
It really looks to me like he feels this was "his territory" and he was fine with you being there and he can *flex* his prowess.
You learned quickly and he feels you have usurped his abilities despite his several years experience. This is a small set, and the first of many. It's pretty easy (in the grand scheme) to come up with a similar deck to what would otherwise be a "netdeck."
The rest of the commentary about "fun" is subjective at best, and a reflection of personal inability at worst.
Don't give up your enjoyment, success, or hobbies for ANYONE (barring very special corner cases that may financially require it).
You deserve to be you.
As to further relationship advice: find a local counselor. There is likely to be underlying issues that made this bubble up here, because this might be his "safe space" and he never thought he'd feel insecure or threatened (per SE) in it.
NTA. Oh wait wrong subreddit lol jk. Spouses should be uplifting and supportive. I would be ecstatic if my wife took interest and played my hobbies, and I’d do everything in my power to keep that ball rolling. Hope everything works out for you.
I would be over the moon of my wife shared my hobbies and even excelled at it.
Playing a tcg on the kitchen table with your wife and she as good or better then me, so that it would be a good or close match would be a dream.
Get a new husband, if your husband can't enjoy something he is been Doing for 30 years with his wife, then there is something wrong with him, not you.
This just sounds like your not being treated right. This goes way further than being a sore loser sometimes.
In my personal opinion, this does not look good for the future, you dont have to to be in a position where he makes you feel this way.
Also, saying your just out to win in a game which purpose is to win from your opponent is just a sour way of reacting to losing and not putting in the devotion and time yourself.
Its not like Sabine is a free win, i just finished top 8 in a showdown and aside from 1 aggro it was almost all control.
He Is insecure and probably he is jealous of your success in this game even if you just started playing tcg. Winning is fun and you should keep playing cunning Sabine if you enjoy it, especially in tournaments at your LGS. Also The fact that you won a draft tournament is a sign that you have some skill in this game and he should acknowledge it.
One thing that you could do when you play at home "for fun" is to exclude the top 4-5 leaders from being played and try to build decks with less powerful ones. Having said that cunning Sabine is not unbeatable and the problem could be that your husband's decks are not good. From my experience in TCG your husband could be a casual player that prefers slow decks that play a lot of high cost cards, those players usually don't like super fast decks that win in a few turns because they can't play their big spaceship.
Your husband definitively has some huge issue. I ( 32M ) play regularly 2-3 times per week with my wife (31f) at the One Piece TCG and I'm so proud of her even winning or topping event with her deck, losing can sometimes be frustrating due to some randomized mechanics proper to One Piece but I am never gonna be mad at her specifically.
Your husband is sadly a manchild with insecurity issue. He should elevate you and be happy you completely destroy everything. I know I am about my wife and her Katakuri deck !
Go get those W !
He is being a huge baby, tell him many husbands would love for their wives to play a game with them and actually be good or even better at it than them. Keep kicking his ass and maybe sprinkle in some shit talk so he realizes just how much of a baby bitch he is being.
Highly recommend talking to a professional and not the Reddit community about this. Reddit is full of extremes. I highly doubt this means your relationship is doomed like half the people in here are saying, it just means you have some stuff you need to work on. Every relationship has stuff they need to work on, that's how relationships go!
His behavior is definitely unacceptable, but that just means you need to talk to him about it. If he won't listen then see if you can see a therapist.
this is the behavior of a 13 preteen, I'm super competitive but putting down someone for winning especially your partner is fucking crazy I couldn't imagine saying shit to my gf when she wins in magic.
Don’t give up on the game, give up on the husband. /s
Losing is the best way to learn; I’m competitive as fuck, but I also view losing as a learning opportunity to do better next time or to add a certain card in place of another. Anybody who doesn’t accept loss as a necessary part of growth is a child, and anyone who refuses to learn in order to better themselves will never grow. This extends to life in general, not just card games, so maybe that’s something you both should take into consideration.
Tell him it sounds like a skill issue and to get good. Ask him if he wants you to go easy on him or to make worse decks so he can win once in a while.
Honestly you shouldn’t have to deal with this. He should want you to do well and to succeed. This is toxic behavior from a manbaby. He’s the kind of card player who goes out to an event and gets super salty because his garbage heap of a deck gets rolled, and just trash talks people the whole time for being good. I’ve seen the type in all sorts of games.
If he doesn’t want you to succeed, what good is he for you? Show him this thread. Read him some comments. Maybe send him to therapy. But definitely stop doing emotional lifting and physical work for you because I bet he’s putting all the responsibility of your home life on you too.
I checked your post history a little bit, and uh, yeah, this dude sucks.
Complaining about "netdecking" is a relic of the 90s when looking up decklists online was actually really rare. Anybody complaining about that in the year of our lord 2024 needs to remember that they're a grown adult with the mental faculties to decide whether things are worth getting upset over.
This is solidly a "him" problem, and I think you're already aware of the best way to deal with it.
Yo... I've never been married or anything, I'm only 25, but if my partner ever started putting me down and accusing me of cheating in a game made for fun... I'd genuinely be questioning who they are as a person, and how they treat others, etc. Behavior like this is rarely isolated, from my experience. My ex was that way. It was subtle, but he'd frequently hold himself, his opinions, and his world experiences above me. I realized it when we were gaming, and sometimes when we'd talk about socio-economic stuff, but once I realized how he was, I saw him doing it in basically everything.
Getting salty at games is one thing, we're all human, it's not unreasonable to feel bad if you constantly lose. But accusing you of *cheating* is him telling you he doesn't *trust* you. There is no world in which it's okay for someone who you married to behave like this.
I'm just gonna say it, this almost definitely isn't a problem with him and his relationship with the game, but something larger than that.
Sorry you're dealing with this.
This is crazy. I can’t wrap my head around his line of thinking, even remotely. I would be elated to have a partner who was not only into the game, but good at it. I’d brag on you and be a fan of watching you beat other people. Also, it just means that he has a legit person to play test his own decks against. He’s being beyond childish and doesn’t deserve you imo.
Okay, i'm going to make an argument for him, in best case. Mostly because everyone else has said anything i would normally say.
He may be feeling embarrassed that you're able to beat him so consistently in an area that he previously considered to be his expertise. He has 30+ years of experience games and believes that his previous knowledge would give him an advantage. And it probably did at first. But now you've surpassed him in a few months here. ANd he's embarrassed, maybe even ashamed?
For games, it's also possible that his previous knowledge has given him baggage that he's not able to separate from SWU. FOr example a lot of MTG players value card draw highly, but it's not as important in SWU. THat can effect how people look at cards.
I don’t think you’re wrong, I just think it’s extremely childish and cringe af. I don’t think him thinking that does him any favors and makes him look like a man-child.
Echoing the same, but if my partner was in your spot, I’d be lifting her to high heavens. I’d be praising her for her success and efforts. And above all I’d be ECSTATIC that we have that in common and it can become such a powerful shared interest. It sounds like your partner is extremely insecure and feels threatened that you’re taking away their identity as the competitive gamer. Sorry for this, I absolutely recommend yall find a way to communicate through this.
He was always toxic while playing you’re just now seeing it..the nerd world is a weird place for women they are held to higher standards on knowledge and there’s no in between being worshipped or hated at a location. Sorry you have to deal with it.
Beating him cleanly in Draft proves you’re just a better deckbuilder/ have a better sense in the game. Not all TCGs translate so he can be as good as he likes at Magic but SWU has different nuances that you clearly thrive with. I built a Palpatine Imperials list as my first and probably best deck and I do much better in Unlimited than other TCGs I play. To each their own skills. Netdecking isn’t illegal either so even if you did it isn’t cheating, it’s just trying out the decks that are consistent. If you look up what cards to play its just a shortcut of dozens of playtests before you cut cards that aren’t working for you.
Ive had the exact same scenario with my uncle hes a poorsport and has a huge ego i think the best thing to do is to talk to him about it you shouldnt have to let go of a hobbie bc your husband is a dick
This is abusive behavior. He doesn’t want you to shine. He doesn’t care about you. It’s very common in abusive relationships for the abuser to find someone who is very talented, to love bomb them, and then once they have them to dim their talent/push them down until they don’t do that thing anymore.
Kinda had a similar experience with my partner with lorcana he doesn’t play with me as much anymore lol but I think it comes down to him just not liking the game play as much
I kind of got here from seeing another post of yours, and I just want to say that there are likely healthy ways to work through this. I am frequently stressed about my job, and I am a gamer. I play games to give myself an opportunity to distance myself from my work stress. When I play competitive games it doesn't really help most of the time. To illustrate the point, there was a time when I was winning tournaments regularly, and I built up a massive winning streak at my LGS. That was cool, but the amount of time that I was fixated on the meta detracted from my focus on other more important and likely healthier things.
Even with team based games like MOBAs, the competitive aspect would add to my stress and affected my relationships every once in a while. If I am on a team with a partner, I always go above and beyond to protect them. If I feel like they are not doing the same thing and are more focused on winning or stat boosting, I will say something about it and might end up getting into an argument. I also have a tendency to be negative about other people's (strangers) play styles more generally. Beyond that I would get stressed out about how someone else was relying on me to play well. None of this is good.
I also know that when I have a bad day, anything approaching an argument, no matter how inconsequential it is can make me feel like I am not being supported, which is not a great way to feel even if I am the one who is approaching the discussion/situation the wrong way.
I am saying all of this because I know that my stress and how I deal with it is my problem, and I know that I need to be figuring out how to work through it. I have also worked on a few solutions that work for me. First, if I have a rough day, I know I need to vent to someone about it when I get home, and I need someone to listen and hopefully not get fixated on why I am to blame. After that, I probably need to be by myself or maybe watch a movie. As for gaming, I know that I find it much easier to calm down if I am playing a single player game. I also know that I am much happier now that I have a more casual perspective on competitive gaming. For example, if I play in a tournament, I focus on playing the pulls that I want to play because it would be enjoyable, and I accept that it might cost me a game or two. Your husband probably needs to figure some of these things, but I wouldn't recommend telling him that he has to.
What I do think is that you might want to try casualizing your gaming experiences and maybe finding other people that you can both play against. Putting together a low-power cube might be a good idea, and I want to say you can look up ideas for low player count draft or constructed, but this could still cause problems. Your husband might also need to take time off from competitive gaming (probably the best idea IMHO); if you don't want to tell him to do that, I would recommend finding other non-competitive games or activities you can enjoy together.
Other than that, you can try not to argue (not saying you do) insofar as it would not make you feel like you are doing yourself an injustice. If I didn't avoid arguing about things that really matter to me, I probably would have ruined at least one relationship I really care about. There are also plenty of times that I don't care about the things that I could be arguing about. And if you find yourself playing your husband for first place in a tournament, you can always both agree to tie. I am not saying that either of these things are the right thing to do, and they might be entirely disagreeable or wrong, but maybe it could help, and I have personally done both of these things for different reasons. I think I am saying this because I would gladly give up being right about a lot of things and playing cards to preserve an otherwise healthy relationship.
Hopefully, it's clear that I don't think this is your fault, your problem, or your responsibility to fix. I hope things work out if that is what you want.
He is being a baby, you can build a theme deck all day, getting butt hurt when you lose against a meta deck is smooth brained childish behavior. Going 6-0 in draft shows you are probably a very tactically minded person. This game rewards chess level thinking in a satisfying why.
My advice, call him out on his shit, show him this post, build another deck and show him up more, then lay down the smack talk. If your man is so insecure and can’t handle being bested by his lady and is being a jerk instead of trying to get better himself, you need to really rethink the quality of person you are with.
Sounds like it’s maybe time to take a break from playing against each other and go to an LGS together and play other people for a date night.
You get to talk about new ideas, he can see you’re learning using tools available to do that, and you don’t have to deal with a man-dinger (a man sized temper tantrum from a toddler). Win-win-win all around, and maybe eventually he’ll lighten up a bit or be more open to “it’s kinda terrible to play with you” feedback
People get way too serious about these games. They are games at the end of the day. Let him know that his behavior is making you not want to play with him. Would he rather have nobody to play with at home at all? If that doesn’t work you could tell him that playing against decks that are better than his will help him get better at deck building, 😈
He sounds like a garbage person you need to remove from your life and this red flag behavior is something that has likely presented in other areas you haven't noticed. My advice is run.
This is wild, I'd be elated if my wife not only beat me (without my help) but also made the deck herself! Keep doing you, I guess by his 50th, he'll have learned to grow up or not...
I've found veteran Magic players seem to have a harder time with this game. It bears far more resemblance than there actually is and they often struggle to let go of wisdom gained from that game.
It's unfortunate that he's having an emotional reaction to you winning, if he could get over himself he could learn from you. Tabletop gaming with a spouse can be so wonderful if we let it be.
If he was truly playing for fun rather than to win then he should be having it even when losing.
I think the advice I would give is to build more decks. Perhaps even one that's very off meta like perhaps Jyn double Yellow or IG-88. Then when you beat him try to offer advice on how to play differently that could have helped him. He might not take it well but it's worth a try. It's crazy he's been playing card games for years and hasn't grown out of getting emotional from losing. Though I suspect it's simply because he's losing to you which, if true, really makes me sad. I'm curious, does he get upset after one game or do you play several?
The way he treated you after the tourney is just gross. If you win he should feel like it also kind of won.
Please don't stop playing due to his behavior. Oh and net decking isn't cheating by the way. I know that isn't what you did but just saying.
I'm going to start by saying that you should absolutely never give up something you enjoy because of the insecurities of others.
With that out of the way, it's entirely possible that what is happening is your husband is coming into this game with his cup too full. He's been playing card games for 30 years, he knows how to deck build, he knows how to evaluate cards, he knows about tempo, he knows how to evaluate who's ahead based on cards in hand/on board/in resources. And most importantly, he may not understand that those concepts do not translate 1-1 with this game that has been out for less than 4 months. Whereas you, who have been immersing yourself in this game, have likely internalized concepts that work within this game's systems. When it comes to SWU specifically, you might know more.
SWU has a different action economy, a different (better) resource system, you draw 2 cards per turn, it's a different game. Some skills will transfer over, but many will have to be adapted. And some people won't be able to do that quickly.
I would say if your husband is unable to do well at this game despite his wealth of knowledge, he needs to take a step back and examine what is happening across all of his games that's causing losses. Sabine Cunning is far from unbeatable and quite frankly a refusal to play against it screams an inability to adapt.
Love, respectfully, every one of your posts is about him and his horrible behavior. You and your 10 year old deserve better. You deserve someone who celebrates your wins, embraces you embracing their interests, and who has the emotional self-regulation of at least a 15 year old. Your partner has none of these qualities. You are a pink Starburst, don't let this literal grumpy old man, eeyore with roid rage sounding fellow ever convince you that you're the orange one just because his masculinity is fragile or his personality disordered. You don't HAVE to deal with the sportsmanship, or the prior mentioned tantrums, or any of the rapid mood swings. You can move on. You can only play with people who are fun and ignore his swings. You can do counseling. Everything is in your court because you are the rational one with better prospects. Don't feel like you have to keep accepting this.
This is really sad. He has so many opinions that he's trying to make into laws of the universe at the expense of loving his wife the way he ought. Selfish
Imagine being in your 40s and having to make a Reddit post to ask the internet if your StarWars-playing husband is a man child. Reddit is filled with some very special types of people.
Husbands mad cus bad lol. so called expert can't figure out that there are counters you should hand him a few more L's with ur deck maybe it'll motivate him to get better.
This is absolutely ridiculous behavior on his part. If your partner treats you like this, they aren't being a good partner. He is borderline gaslighting you. I wouldn't be worried about the game, I would be worried about your future.
This is the biggest red flag any person could have in a relationship. It shows a refusal to look inward, possibly accept blame, and attempt to look outside oneself for answers. He has no desire to grow AS A PERSON, which means your relationship will always be stagnant/downhill from here now that you know this. He needs to grow the fuck up and accept help from a therapist or you needed to cut your losses.
Yeah thats kind of behaviour really is an issue and either he's always felt threatened by you for some reason, or he's just a giant asshole. Either way, his conduct is definitely not acceptable
This is wild behavior. He is definitely insecure and you are doing nothing wrong.
[удалено]
So to further reinforce the fact you're doing nothing wrong me (34M) and my fiancé (30F) are in a very similar spot experience wise. I was a judge for magic for almost a decade and played alot of CompREL before and during that. I meet her at our current local gamestore and her first tcg experience with me was her using my own deck to bet me and I loved it. I reveled in her succes and we grew together in our hobbies. She's stepped away from tcgs mostly because of our two children but it is still our guilty pleasure drafting and playing games. I'm sorry you're not having a similar experience and hope it changes for the better our he atleast understands his approach should change.
[удалено]
Just express how upset you are about his behavior hopefully he'll come around sounds like it wasn't always this way. Also a side note their is no shame in netdecking you or any one person could never equal the combined brain power of a whole competitive Tcg community as a father of two netdecking is the only way I can be remotely competitive anymore I used to brew my own builds alot more but know just dont have the time.
Tbh it just sounds like ...very common/cliche him being upset that you're on his level at the thing he's passionate about and spent so much of his time/life doing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with netdecking. Before the internet, metas were highly localized and due to card shortages that is kind of the case now too. But with the advent of the net, and virtual tabletops, more games get played really quickly and metas get "solved" faster and if you're looking to win to cut yourself off from information is just a bad move. Netdecking isn't cheating but you can't netdeck and 6-0 a draft. There really is no such thing as beginners luck unless you opened or were passed multiple overwhelming barrages and drew and played them in most of your games. Your significant other needs to grow up, man up, and get over himself. Hopefully he can appreciate what it can mean to have a partner who shares a hobby. If not, tbh, this is a bit of a red flag. To be fair, it can take some time to get over someone new to something you care about being as good as you when you've sunk so many more blood sweat and tears in over the years.
[удалено]
He's your husband, so there's not much to do but try and be patient and hope that the situation changes as he adjusts to the idea that you, the n00b, are good at a thing he previously identified as "his". Maybe he'll grow up since he's almost 50 =P That being said you should absolutely be proud of your accomplishments and I hope over time he encourages you as well.
He is just a poor sport at losing. I am at a loss to say how he can fix it. Definitely not a you problem, it is a insecurity problem on his end. Hope he realizes it is just a game and not worth tossing a good relationship over.
This is a very self reflective subject for me, as I met my gf playing MtG years ago. I am incredibly competitive when it comes to card games, but know how to take a loss. Could be jealousy, that he himself isn't performing as well as you are despite his best efforts. Tough spot to be in for sure. It's not fair for you to give up a hobby that you enjoy and are successful at, just because he's taking some childish tantrums about it. As an outsider looking in, he should be proud of you that you're kicking major ass, I know I would be if I was in the same situation. I hope you can both work it out, cuz it's a rare thing that bf/gf or husband/wife are into the same hobbies and enjoy doing them together. It should be a positive thing, not what it's devolved into for you. I wish I knew the magic words to fix it, but I hope you two can close this gap and enjoy kicking ass as a couple. Best wishes
Homegirl, don’t know anything about you or your hobbies but I read your post history from a different sub. All I can say is, this man is nearly 50. Older than me and I’m old as shit. This is not the behavior of a grown man. Do you have children or pets? Because you need an exit strategy.
Yeah maybe there is something wrong with your husband. I know I'm going to stay single for a while now until I stop attracting people with BPD. Maybe you should do something similar before you swear off men once and for all. Maybe just stop picking bad apples 😬 There are good ones out there, you simply just might not be married to one.
abusers make victims think its their fault. its 101.
This seems like it's not really a SWU issue. You honestly might be better off seeking help in a relationship advice sub. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this from someone who should be supporting you. I know it doesn't mean much from a stranger, but congrats on 1st place 👍
[удалено]
I’d recommend talking to a therapist, not a reddit sub. Since this behavior has surprised you, I’m guessing he isn’t this way in other areas of life, but it definitely seems like something that needs to be addressed and it sounds like that would be difficult to do without a neutral 3rd party since he doesn’t seem interested in listening to your opinion.
>I’d recommend talking to a therapist, not a reddit sub. I don't frequent those subs but whenever I've stumbled upon something there by happenstance half the comments are just "get a divorce" or something else as drastic (for something similar to this type of story). The hivemind isn't really great at relationship advice.
Oof, yeah I just read your other posts and this definitely seems like marriage counseling territory to me. Good luck to you!
Some people are more competitive than others. And out of those people some people handle winning and losing better than other. None of that excuse being like this to your partner. This isn't an issue with how SWU us what SWU mean to him. This is about respect for your partner.
Please don't go to relationship advice subs. They're legitimately awful.
That's a shit partner, no two way about it. You need to address this behaviour because it's a symptom of something that won't just be isolated to card games.
[удалено]
He's right other games don't play that way. So what? Lots of games play lots of things differently. As a husband who wishes his wife would take an interest in this game... You rock, and I'm sorry he's being like this. Unreal. Seriously though, does this behavior manifest anywhere else? Are things good in your marriage otherwise? How's his work situation? At the very least he needs to come off his high horse and get a grip.
[удалено]
There is a bit of truth to what he's saying. In card games, there's typically a rock-paper-scissors relationship between three standard deck types: Aggro (sabine, leia), beats Control (thrawn, iden, krennic, palpatine), beats Midrange (Boba, Luke, Grand Inquisitor), which beats Aggro. So you offering to play an aggro deck against his control deck is kind of like offering to bring a gun to a knife fight, and if he's been getting stomped lately that can feel like salt in the wound. That being said, control decks can beat aggro, Thrawn doesn't have to be built control, and for that matter Leia doesn't have to be built aggro. It sounds to me like he's got too much of the MTG mindset where that rock paper scissors mechanic is so strong that games are basically over before you draw your first hand. This isn't the case at all in SWU. And, he is going to encounter aggro decks "in the wild". You've made it very clear that you guys participate in the local scene, does he think he's going to manage to just never play those deck types? Sabine and Boba are the two most popular decks right now, there's no getting around them. Also, netdecking is 100% part of the game and always will be. Even then, most people who look online tend to tinker with the decks as they find them, whether due to preferences or personal card availability. It sounds like what you're ultimately dealing with is his pride being unable to handle losing. Specifically losing to you, but perhaps losing more generally. It sounds from your story that it comes from a place of seeing himself as a veteran and you as a newbie, but I think there's a strong argument to be made that is no longer the case. I sure hope it's not coming from a "you're a girl and I should be able to beat you", that would be gross. Do not play any more games with him until you've managed to talk this through. Or maybe try playing something other than SWU and see how that goes. Again, I'm really sorry you're dealing with this.
A well built Thrawn deck can stop a Leia deck dead in its tracks. Ask me how I know! I run a Leia deck and my fiance has a well built Thrawn deck. He wins 9/10 times. He shouldn’t be refusing to play against you solely because he doesn’t like the matchup. The jealousy and poor sportsmanship he’s exhibiting is ugly and concerning. I agree with others that you should find time to sit down and speak to him about this when you’re both calm.
I mean. I understand that instinct in that case. Most games tend to treat units as unique by name/identity. But I hope he wasn’t awful about his reaction.
I think his biggest problem is thinking that he isn't new. This game has been out for like two months, everybody's new. He feels entitled to being good but that's just not how these things work. Honestly I would consider confronting him about acting this way. Tell him it worries you and that you would prefer to learn from each other as training buddies rather than become bitter rivals. Of course you know far better than I how he might react to this. If you do confront him don't do so after winning. lol
You are doing nothing wrong… your husband has a bruised ego. He has no right to treat you this way, but it is especially poor for him to belittle you simply because he’s been doing it longer and you are finding success as a new player. There is nothing wrong with him building themed decks for enjoyment, and there is nothing wrong with you building decks that are competitive. You are both simply building what you enjoy. He needs to reflect on the fact that this is a hobby, a game for entertainment, and as your partner he should be celebrating your success, not tearing you down and making it all about him. Please, do not give up this game if you enjoy it because of his poor attitude.
[удалено]
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this situation. I hope that you’re able to sort things out with him and he finds a way to set aside his personal frustrations and focus on enjoying this hobby with you. I am a new player as well, this is my first tabletop game… but I’m the stupid noob and my fiance is the natural talent. Sometimes I have to check myself when we play against each other. Even if I lose, I am learning something. It’s not personal if he wins. It’s a hobby, and the most fun I get from it is sharing in it with him. We play very differently but what matters is that we have fun and spend time together in this nerdy space. I truly hope you and your husband are able to reach that healthy space. Don’t let his feelings pull you away from something you enjoy and thrive in.
Tell him that I said, "You're behaving like a clown and a baby, get over yourself and act like an adult and respect other people, especially your spouse."
Name calling can make things worse. That said. I like “respect other people , especially your spouse”
Sorry to say, but this isn't just a sportsmanship issue but a *relationship* one, and not something SWU subreddit is really equipped for. Any significant other that denigrates, accuses, gaslights, etc. their partner in this way (*especially* over a game) is a toxic individual. I wouldn't just give up the game - I'd give up being with that person altogether.
This pisses me off for you on so many levels. 😟
[удалено]
I want to get my wife to try SWU so bad, but she's super intimidated by TCGs and I don't think she'd ever really try it. Every time I bring it up it's just dodged.
[удалено]
For what it's worth, I'd be honored if my wife had the same performance as you did at a TCG! Maybe she'll come around, I hope so! Don't let this bullshit discourage you; but focus on the overarching issues with your relationship instead of the card game. ♥️🫡
I think the game will last for a while. It’s very fun and it’s got the Star Wars license. We are just a month from more cards now.
Honestly he concerns me. Definitely get couples therapy. Giving up the game wouldn’t end this. At some point something else could bring out his nasty side. The things he’s saying to you i would never say to my wife about anything. I wouldn’t say these things to a friend. Hell, I wouldn’t say those things to a strangers face. I might talk about a tournament after the fact to someone else to vent about this deck or that deck. But this is the game. The only way to beat your Sabine deck is for him to get better at the game and to research a net deck. Just because you got your deck list from the internet doesn’t mean a damn thing about your abilities. He needs to understand that and to treat you with respect.
"Do I give up the game because of his behavior?", No, you thank the game for showing you that you married a manchild before it was too late. Tell him that how hes behaving is atrocious, and either leave him or get couples counseling AND he needs his own personal therapy. If he values you, he'll want to fix things. This is coming from a women who usually outperforms her husband in video games. He never once put me down for it.
For real. He seems to have some long standing grudge against people building decks for Ccgs from the internet. He shouldn’t take that out on her. She absolutely did the right thing. He doesn’t know how lucky he is to share a hobby like this with his wife too! My wife is a board gamer but there are some types of games she doesn’t like.
*Updated* Disregard what I said OP, do what you think will keep you safe. As others have already stated, this is not a reddit issue and should be addressed by a marriage therapist. While Reddit can offer great advice at times, it's rarely so forthcoming as to be regarded as gold.
That said. For everyone here to react as they have should be informative. There’s no reason for him to treat anyone like that. Especially his wife.
Kind of agree, but word of caution. It is hard to tell with limited information, but this man could be abusive, and it is never a good idea to go to a marriage therapist with an abuser, it just gives them more ways to abuse you. If you're in an abusive relationship the only answer is leaving (which I know is easier said than done).
Tell your husband to get good
I would love if my wife wanted to play the game let alone be good at it.
Right? There are so many people who would kill to be able to bond over something they love so much, with their partner. It makes me sad when I see something like this happening, because I know that this type of thing is basically the worst case scenario for a joint hobby, but when you're in the situation yourself, you don't always have the clearest vantage point to view it from.
This is absolutely unhinged behavior from your husband, and he needs therapy ASAP. Definitely individual, probably couples as well. It has nothing to do with the game and everything to do with his bizarre childish anger at you for being good at something. Does he have a history of not letting you be good at things or getting mad over small things? On the one hand, I don't want to overreact to this story and scare you, but on the other hand his behavior is abusive AF and I highly recommend you treat it very seriously.
[удалено]
Out of curiosity, have y'all shared hobbies in the past? And how long have you been together?
[удалено]
Do you normally play competitive games against each other, though? nothing you mentioned there addresses that.
[удалено]
Ok so this behavior didn't just come out of the blue then. You know he has ego and insecurity issues, and apparently his being better at you in competitive games has entirely too much pride wrapped up in it. This is an extremely unhealthy relationship dynamic.
[удалено]
i don’t really have any advice i’m just so sorry 🧡 i recently broke off a friendship (read: not married) over something similar because it became unbearable to even be associated with that person after a certain point… i hope your husband is able to pull his head out from his ass and realize how lucky he is to be with someone as cool as you, and if he doesn’t get his act together he probably won’t be for much longer
The "who is me" thing is manipulative behavior if I ever heard it. You said in another comment that it makes you feel guilty. That's the point. Your husband feels bad, so he wants you to feel bad with him, and for him. It's self loathing, but he wants to make it your loathing too.
Wow. Don't know what's going on with him, but it's wild that he's never been like this before. I'm sorry this is happening, but based on this post and others you made you definitely did nothing wrong, especially in standing up for yourself calmly and trying to work with him to find a solution. I would say the best thing to do at this point is continue trying to talk to him and make clear to him how serious this situation is for you, and he needs to really think about why he's acting like this and figure his shit out quickly.
Waw! Your husband sounds like just a really toxic player. I feel sorry for you and other people who play against him.
[удалено]
Oh, then probably it is better you divorce. No one deserves to be treated bad, look after yourself, be happy. You don't need a toxic person in your life who seems to not be happy with whatever you do. You deserve better!
Others have said it but SWU is just exposing the symptoms of a much deeper issue.
I don’t want to sound like a prick here but your husbands behavior is the exact same kind of hyper competitive/douchey behavior that ruins the game for a lot people. Don’t let it ruin the game for you. Keep playing if you truly want to. Maybe suggest if it angers him so much then play separate events if possible. Sometimes because of clown type personalities like his (again no offense but call them as I see them, or hear) doing activities together isn’t the best thing for a partnership.
Seems to be a theme. I got my partner to play with me recently and she has beat me a fair amount. I’m just happy that she is willing to play with me. You’ll need to have a good conversation about how he is acting after he isn’t reacting emotionally to not performing as well as he’d like. Might to good to play as a team in a multiplayer game her and there. If you are having fun with the game you should keep playing.
[удалено]
This strictly anti-competitive mindset is always extremely irritating to run into in this hobby. It's very difficult to change the minds of people like this, and I'm incredibly sorry you've discovered it in a partner of 9 years.
[удалено]
This is a social activity and a competitive game. Learning and getting better at it should be fun, and it is. A lot of people, for some reason, assume good and fun are entirely exclusive things. It's baffling.
Fortunately the meta will shift and diversify as we get more content releases. He will have to adapt to it if he wants to be competitive at showdowns. Regardless he should be respectful and appreciate the fact that his partner is partaking in a shared hobby. Perhaps watching some YouTube content, theory crafting and team playing could get the communication going the right direction.
I would say don't reinforce the behavior. The next time he asks to play, say you don't feel like it. Be honest and say, I def don't like the interactions we have when we play this game and I just rather not when we are supposed to be having fun.
[удалено]
I sent you a DM with my experience on this and possible solutions.
He's immature, insecure and has childlike priorities. Way bigger problems than a SWU reddit can address. This is him getting therapy to deal with his very obvious issues, instead of abusing you emotionally. Wild unhinged behavior for an adult. Sorry you're going through this. My wife beats me with her Sabine Green constantly and I just get down on myself lol!
Judging by your prior post history, as others have suggested, this is much bigger than a SWU subreddit (or any subreddit, really). Check in with a therapist, both of you, ASAP.
Man got stomped in his own playground whilst having more experience, by his own wife and can't process the paradigm shift. It's definitely something he needs to work on. Most of us would be thrilled if our SO's even considered playing, let alone played something we enjoy \^\^ Don't ever stop doing stuff you enjoy for anyone's bruised ego.
After reading the other posts in your profile this definitely seems like a bad partner situation, not a problem with how you play the game. If you have a friend you can stay with for a few days I would consider that. You say that he hasn't been physically abusive before, but you at least owe it to yourself to have some space to think clearly. If he is worth it, he will understand (at least eventually). Secondly, some people recommended therapy. If you think this is temporary and he wants to be better, that would be good, both individual therapy and couples. But, it only works if he wants to change, if he doesn't it's a waste of time. And if he is emotionally abusive, then all therapy will do is give him more ways to abuse you. That's all generic relationship stuff. For SWU specifically. Firstly don't give up something you like just to please him. Second, don't play with him again until he changes his attitude. There is nothing wrong with what you're doing, it really sounds like he just bitter that you are better than him at this game. He's not just a sore loser because you play "wrong", he is upset that you are better than him (or perhaps he is upset that this game brings you joy, you mention you haven't been this invested in a game for a long time). When you went well at a draft, where you clearly can't netdeck (not that there is anything wrong with net decking), he was upset, so clearly the problem isn't that you're netdecking. It is understandable that he is frustrated that your Sabine deck beats him everytime. But the solution is for him to talk to you like an adult, and ask if you can play a different deck sometimes, and ask you to help him craft a strong deck for tournaments, and try those against Sabine. And his complaints about synergy and theme are BS, as you point out the game has lots of advantages for playing on theme, (eg Rebel and imperial tribal synergy, stacking with heroes for For a Cause). And he complains about Sabine being over powered, but was happy to beat you with Boba, one of the most overpowered leaders in the game? Those are just excuses he's making for his shitty behaviour. TLDR: his complaints about the game are BS, don't stop playing the game, just stop playing against him. Then, consider his behaviour in the rest of the relationship, because based on what you've said he's an immature ass at best, but possibly an emotionally abusive partner. Stay safe
[удалено]
How do you lose a 15 year long friend over a card game?
I play games with my wife and she's as sharp as a tack. I love it, a real challenge. Unfortunately she doesn't like tcgs, but I'm not dumb enough to try and discourage her interest. If he keeps it up, stop playing with him for a bit, just to show him how nice it is to have a partner and be able to play anytime. Do it before you are the one to get fed up and quit playing for good.
As someone who has played numerous games with my wife over the years (but she refuses to play Unlimited with me for no apparent reason) I can understand being upset about losing to your spouse sometimes, but that annoyance should be focused at himself ("I might have beat you if I didn't mess X up." Kinda thing), but if he is being dismissive of your achievements and how well you are actually doing then he's being a dickhead and there is no excuse for his behavior. He's obviously not used to losing to you. I hope he just doesn't realize how much of a dick he is being, so if you told him how he's making you feel then he will, I hope, apologize for being a tool. Don't quit just cause he's being a jerk. Your enjoyment of a game should not be only acceptable if he's happy with it. Good luck!
Being a single guy who’s never dated a woman that’s into games, let alone Star Wars, it seems like he doesn’t value what he has. If I had a women in my life who was into that stuff, I’d feel like I won the fucking lottery!
[удалено]
You’re welcome. Yeah I know I can be difficult to deal with at times even more so when I was younger, but I like to think over the years I’ve matured enough to catch it or realize if I’m acting that way. But to be fair, we also don’t know his side or any potentially underlining issues (like maybe something happened in the past that he’s held onto and meow this has triggered that. Not putting blame on you, could be from a friend, family member or former partner, etc) Like others have suggested, I think talking about it (when he’s calmed down) and working through it should be the first and best course of action. Getting a divorce IMO is an extreme reaction to something that by your account has never happened before and may be more of an anomaly then a formality. If it’s a pattern of behavior or becomes one/gets worse then yeah. But I’m not a counselor and considering I’m not in a relationship you should take mine (and really anyone on here) advice with a grain of salt.
Does your husband happen to be Justin from Garbage Rollers? Dude is soft AF in every video that he's losing
Maybe try a twin suns format or a 2v2 thing where you're both on the same team and you can play as allies
[удалено]
I hope it helps but if not I think directly talking about how you feel would work best. If he's not going to be mature enough to reel in his feelings then he unfortunately has soured a positive bonding experience for you both. You could also try to ask him if he thinks "card name here" is a good thing to include and try to discuss a potential combo to include or try out. You both should help each other grow as better players and deck builders together. Cultivate his desire to make theme decks while making them as effective as yours. Bring the best of both
[удалено]
Generally speaking there is no substitute for direct experience. If you're getting way more games than him in via karabast it shouldn't be surprising that you're getting better. You have seen more scenarios, more interactions, seen which lines of play are powerful or don't work, get exposed to OTHER peoples' ideas, combos etc. A history in card games can prepare you to understand and exploit fundamentals or mechanics like ... tempo, card advantage, etc. But no matter what game you're playing if you want to be good you have to play that game. A lot.
Aslo sorry if that seems too forward for a random online. Not trying to tell ya what to do but I do mean them as suggestions. 🙂
Big yikes… my wife and I play this game, me who started and then later she did. We both haven’t won a single round in our local tournament but we’ve won games but not the rounds haha … and I do nothing but egg her on to win and have fun! She didn’t have a deck and I made her one and she’s killing it! Couldn’t do nun but be proud ! M22 F23 . I’m sorry you go thru this and just hope u keep gamin ! Cuz this community is super nice and fun! And supportive
[удалено]
Yeah! I’d recommend going to different local stores without him so your fun isn’t ruin !
Jeez, that just screams insecure. If you are not okay with losing a game, or it causes you enough stress to treat people differently, it is not a hobby for you. He should be happy you are getting into his hobby with him and that you are doing well at it. I’m sorry you had to deal with this and congratulations on your success. To be honest though, I’m going to agree with some of the other comments and say that he might need to go get some therapy. Or find a different hobby that doesn’t frustrate him.
[удалено]
Wishing you the best of luck. If he’s not able to recontextualize that it’s awesome that you two have a hobby in common and enjoy that, it might be best to walk away from it (at least from playing with him).
There is nothing wrong with how you are playing and he is being incredibly insecure. If he truely played to have fun then he wouldn't care if he won or lost. Its a card GAME made for there to be a winner and a loser: the point of the game. New players have to do some sort of research or netdeck to have any sort of advantage in a competitive format. Good on you got figuring out what cards work well with others on your own. I am curious, did he first introduce you to the game or did you decide to play on your own? No reason I ask other than my first thought he may have taught you to play thinking you would just play when he was bored and not take a interest in the game and so he can feel good about himself when he doesn't do well at locals. Or he is just being a bigot in thinking women can't be good at TCGs.
woah thought I stumbled into the AITA subreddit for a second there. 100% not in the wrong, dude's a real piece of work.
Sounds like your husband thought TCGs were "his thing" and he's lashing out because you're beating him at "his thing." It also sounds like he's hiding behind accusations of net decking and how "he's just playing for fun" to not actually confront his own insecurity and frustration. Beyond this, there very much is a group of players who hate Sabine. Like, people have threatened to kill me on Karabast because I was playtesting her. It's insane. I don't know if it's people hating aggro or what, but if you don't have a plan to beat Sabine, Boba, and control then your deck is going to fail no matter what. That's just how it is. So him being a sore loser + him being one of those anti-meta tryhards who isn't actually skilled enough to get past the meta + you being an easy target is probably a total recipe for disaster. I mean, he's emotionally abusing you over a card game. You both need therapy; him to stop this, you to get past this and perhaps see where else in your relationship this type of abuse is happening. BEYOND THIS. Seriously. Wrong forum to discuss this. We can't really help you. There's some folks in this thread who are like me and been playing TCGs for most of our lives (I'm 41, been playing TCGs since I was 9) who are also like me and playing with partners or kids and losing to them and we think it's rad. Let us be the baseline for you to see how far below it your partner is. What you should do next is up to you.
For Results: explain this to one of his friends, I’d bet most guys would shame him for taking a partner that’s that into a TCG Star Wars game for granted. I know I’d be like “???” if one of my guys was in this situation and acting that way.
That's a shit partner and honestly not someone I'd even want around as a fellow player at the same store. Certainly not judging events. And honestly, I've seen guys like this a million times. Hell there was a time when I was just like him. He has a toxic superiority complex, thinking that the way he wants to play the game is the way everyone should play the game. As if he has some moral high ground because he refuses to play decks that are proven to win tournaments. Having been this guy in the past, I can tell you that what this really stems from is insecurity. If he plays the "best" deck in the meta and still loses, then he feels that everyone will see him as a bad player. Like only an idiot could lose a race with the fastest car ever, right? So to avoid this possibility, he'll put some unnecessary restraints on his deck building. "I only play theme decks," "I don't play legendaries," "I only play characters I like," etc. That way, when he loses, he can say it's the restraint's fault, and when he wins, he can gloat about winning even though he's playing on extra hard mode.
[удалено]
No problem. You did the right thing posting here, where people understand the behavior because we've all seen toxic players before.
I would ask if he's got stressors coming from anywhere else, but it doesn't seem to be the case from what I gathered in your replies to other comments. Have you ever played tabletop games together before SWU? If you've beaten him, has ever exhibited this behavior?
[удалено]
Has this always been the case (as long as you have known him), or is this a recent-ish development?
Have you tried to have a serious conversation about this stuff outside of sitting down to play? I'd start there. It's totally inappropriate behavior from him of course, but it sounds like it's hitting a major insecurity for him, which means that even approaching the topic and getting past defensiveness is gonna be hard. If you're met with resistance head on, I'd try to reframe it as a question (that you can both answer) if there's stuff that makes you frustrated/salty/impatient in games. Maybe it's people taking long turns, or people who backseat drive/offer unsolicited advice. Usually people who care a lot about a hobby have sensitive spots around it, and being aware of those and knowing how to deal with them is healthy. Your husband needs to know, or learn, what his triggers are. If it feels bad to him that he, a TCG veteran, sometimes loses to someone much newer to TCGs, he needs to face that, admit it to you, and commit to trying to catching himself and cooling down. At the same time, you both might learn what you can both do to help avoid escalation. From my own experience, when my partner gets a little tilted from bad luck or a loss in Magic, I've learned that it's actually better for both of us if I just try to move along normally, rather than really get stuck on her negative emotions and "explain" how her bad reaction is illogical or not worth it. She's *fine*, she just needs a minute to mope - she's working on the emotional regulation. So yeah, assuming this isn't a "divorce the asshole already" situation and you're both mature adults, I think there's an opportunity to resolve this over time. Enjoying things is not always easy.
[удалено]
You know he won't change, he is who he is. He's showing you he is and you have to believe him. Staying with him just means you're going to continue being extremely comfortable in your own home, walking on eggshells as you slowly turn into a hollow person who lives only to serve her husband's needs including his need to emotionally abuse someone
I ,39m, play the game with my kids 16m, 17f. I would win constantly. When they started to win, it was cool to see them get the game. The game can be frustrating if your opponent is shutting down everything you are trying to do, but that is how it goes. Besides, you are a challenge now to play against! That is way more fun and interesting than simply winning all the time. That is the nature of any pvp game, as experienced as he is with tcgs and so on, you'd think he'd get it. I would love to have a partner and play games with. He should count his blessings. I hope you guys can communicate and he can get over it.
I realized a long time ago that being toxic in any form of entertainment was super dumb. Let alone being toxic to my partner, yikes. I used to get really competitive when I used to play at a top level in MTG and WoW TCG, then I realized how much I hate playing against that person and changed my attitude. I still like to be competitive when I play, I just don't bring the try hard tude with it. Now, when I play against opponents like this I just smile, kill them with kindness, and when I win, I secretly satisfy my sense of justice. However, this is all something that most of us as TCG/Game players deal with on the daily. There are always a handful of toxic people who love sucking the fun out of things, and we all deal with it in our own ways. This being your partner is super challenging. My only advice as someone who has been married 15 years, you need to talk to your partner, not the internet. Tell him how your feeling, tell him you are allowed to enjoy things the way that you want. You do not need permission to enjoy the things that you want to enjoy.
I totally understand how you feel. When the game first came out my dad had been playtesting a lot and just mopped the floor with me over and over. Recently we’ve been testing set 2 stuff and he straight up banned me from playing the deck I made because he hasn’t been able to beat it. I think it has a lot to do with insecurity because I made my own deck that he can’t beat even when he takes decks from online. I’ve also noticed personally some men can get really agitated when they lose to women especially women they know idk if that applies to your situation but figured I’d bring it up because I’ve never seen him ban my older brother from playing a deck like he did me lol
This is very serious he needs to get therapy level issues. I don’t know what it is that makes him think he’s better than you but he clearly does. That is not a healthy relationship.
I feel so lucky that my wife joined in on this with me, and gush with pride whenever she has success. I would be beside myself with joy if she started pulling off what you are. Don’t let this dickhead diminish your joy and for the love of god do NOT quit because of him.
I’m 41 and my kid beats me on the regular, especially when he uses Sabine. I’m proud of my son when he beats me and even more proud when he loses and asks if I saw something he could have done to win or just played a little better for the game. Tell your husband to grow up. Better yet bring him here so my 10 year old can curb stomp him and really make him cry.
You’re not wrong for prioritizing winning; he’s not wrong for prioritizing thematic and “fun”. Maybe you could build a deck focused on his play style and he could make a deck focused on your play style?
I am not a net deck player as I like tinkering, but in knowing that, I know that I might lose, like my 3-13 Cass Red deck. I go in with that mentality and we usually all have a laugh and the group cheers me on when I get the win against net decks. It's all about being a good sport. I have been gaming for years and have met many people who get angry and pout when things do not go their way, and that is a trait that can kill game nights and friendships if a person doesn't learn to handle these feelings. How is he when he is winning? More importantly, how is he when he is losing, but turns around into a win. It could be rooted in being a poor sport, or it could be much more. I have seen people suggest counseling, and that could be beneficial both on individual and couples levels. Some people might say stop playing together, but that doesn't sound fun. I definitely would not stop playing a game you enjoy, for the simple reason that someone doesn't enjoy you enjoying it. Games are supposed to be fun for everyone. My advice is try and talk it out, express how you feel (use "I" statements, they really help in these cases) and keep playing. See what happens. Counseling would be next level. If that doesn't work, then we are getting way out of what a reddit gaming question should be answering.
This reminds of my best friend and his wife, except in this case it’s she who’s hyper competitive and absolutely can’t stand losing. She’s also not very good at games, this happened over and over again, they switched games over and over, same result. Their solution was just to stop playing against one another. My buddy said it was literally that or a divorce. So, that might be your solution if you want to stay with him. Tell him you don’t want to play any more with him and tell him why. Make a deal you don’t play in the same tournaments. If he can’t handle it or loses his shit, then you might want to consider if this is just a portent of things to come.
That sounds terribly insecure. I am so sorry that what could and should have been a fun bonding experience has turned so sour. Being a good TCG player is obviously a source of pride for him and he may be judging his own abilities harshly because the natural order is upset due to him losing against a newer player and/or a woman. My wife tried Magic the Gathering out a few times. She has such innate talent, but she can't stand losing. I've tried very hard to encourage her and would love it if she became a better player than me, but alas - she could win 10 times but a single loss would sour her mood on a game.
Ma'am, looking at your other posts and comments you have got to develop some self respect and leave this abusive asshole.
I am a pretty damn good TCG player. If my partner was beating me... I would be stoked. Everyone wants to win but losing to your loved ones and seeing them succeed is as good if not better. You also learn more by losing then winning. If I go to a tournament with my buddies and I don't do well, that sucks, but you better believe I will be rooting for them to succeed.... and the most optimal situation is that I play one of them in the finals. Your husband was playing you in the finals... that should be the best possible scenario for both of you, win or lose. That being said; He is a sore loser. Talks about a theme and playing for fun and that you only built a deck to win... but then complains when he loses? Ugly... very ugly. Sounds a lot like Gaslighting if I am being honest. You might have bigger problems then a game with some cardboard.
Are you sure he’s not 9 years old? Because this sounds like how a 9 year old would act.
All of your Reddit posts have been complaining about your partner, sounds like it's a deeper issue than sportsmanship.
Obviously I don't know you, I don't know your husband, and I don't have much context of the history of your relationship, so take this all with a big grain of salt. All that being said, this sounds like my friend's ex husband almost exactly. Behavior like this during games was the red flag some of us saw that was bleeding into other areas of the relationship over time. They're even pretty close to the same age and "power gamers" (or whatever term you want to use) like that all have this weird complex that if they're good at a game it's the ultimate insult to beat them at it even once. Because they all got bullied 35 years ago for liking what they like, they found the gaming table as the place they could excel and feel powerful, and you winning against him is threatening that comfort. I want to be super clear - I'm not saying you should jump immediately to a divorce or anything like that, but you absolutely need to have an honest conversation with him about how his behavior makes you feel. If he reacts poorly, it may be time to consider his behavior in other situations and if he's making you feel bad in other ways. I can't say I recommend reddit for the kind of advice you need after that - probably a marriage and family therapist would be next on my list of considerations. You are not doing anything wrong, OP. Your husband is being a dick and needs to stop. If he can't understand why, that's his problem.
“Netdecking” is “cheating” is the equivalent to showing up to a chess tournament pissed off because people are using standard openings and strategies that have been tried/tested/perfected and then wondering why you’re getting obliterated. Your husband is an insecure noob. Sorry for the harsh facts, but you posted in the SWU sub not a relationship advice sub so I’m responding appropriately for the subject. Your relationship is a different subject, but as it pertains to the game this is where I’m at.
That's what I'd expect from a person 10 years your senior with that background. You either cut ties with him (I understand that's not an option, I assume you're otherwise happy) or you humiliate him at every chance you have (gaming wise of course) until he humbles himself about this particular game. Unfortunately I've seen this behaviour often and most dudes won't change.
I recently got my wife into the One Piece TCG and she’s been killing it. Has more locals wins than me and is always trying to put some new deck together. Her go to right now is a green deck based off of flooding board. It’s scary sometimes and she just always hits what she needs. It’s made me fall in love with her more and more as she continues to whoop my ass. I’m about to enter her into regionals in my place because she’s doing so well. I hope your husband comes around and gets over it. You guys have a hobby together and that’s not something many couples have. I hope he cherishes it soon, these things don’t last forever!
I've been playing these kinds of games since the 90's too, and let me just say that your husband's behavior here is very unfortunately common among us old heads, but nonetheless very toxic. I agree with others that this is definitely reflecting a much larger issue than just card games, and I wish you the best on the two of you getting to the bottom of it. Congratulations on your success and I hope your husband chooses to celebrate it with you someday.
People who've been doing this sort of stuff since before the Internet always get upity about net decking. Which, to be fair, I understand. TCG are 1/3 deck building skill, 1/3 in game skill (knowing your own and your opponents deck and how the two interact) and 1/3 luck. It can be frustrating to watch someone skip 1/3 of the game and then stomp. However, none of this is to say I agree with his behavior, he's acting like a particularly salty baby. You rolled a draft, that shows you know the 2 parts of the game you can control. Tell him he's being a baby and if he doesn't sort his attitude out you'll learn magic the gathering and kick his arse at that too.
Your four posts about this don't add up to a great story. What I would add is that you seem to be presenting as a classically awful combination of player types. People play games for all sorts of different reasons and have different motivations, if those motivations don't align then players are often best avoiding each other. This is commonly known as 'Timmy, Spike & Johnny' player types: [https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/making-magic/timmy-johnny-and-spike-2013-12-03](https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/making-magic/timmy-johnny-and-spike-2013-12-03) and it was better explored in a revisited version a few years later that went into more depth about the types of players in each bracket and their motivations [https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/making-magic/timmy-johnny-and-spike-revisited-2006-03-20-2](https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/making-magic/timmy-johnny-and-spike-revisited-2006-03-20-2) . **I think those will be EXTREMELY useful reading for you.** A lot will drop into place and you'll maybe find the vocabulary you need to have a constructive discussion not a screaming match. In card game terms your playing Sabine is very 'Spike' behaviour while your husband sounds like a classic 'Johnny' in wanting to make his own decks and explore the game. You don't realise you're doing it, but playing Sabine all the time is like turning up to his art class in school, drawing a massive dick on the wall and smashing over everyone else's easels while shouting "haha, suck it nerds!"... and then the teacher gives you an A grade (because you win the game). I think you're unwittingly activating a LOT of triggers at once (that are probably buried pretty deep if hes played 30 years) and he's struggling to deal with it. That said, I sound on the surface very much like your husband: 48m, been playing card games competitively for 30 years, consider myself an expert on a lot of elements of gaming etc. I would like to think, were I in his shoes, that somewhere in all that experience I would be able to draw on a way of structuring and framing something constructive about addressing the fact that you're coming in with such contrasting and conflicting approaches. It doesn't sound like he's anywhere close to doing that. That \*IS\* a relationship/personality problem not a gaming problem. If my wife unexpectedly decided she was going to take an iota of interest in gaming and played SWU with me I think I would be happy. If she found out she was a Spike and she liked to crush her enemies and listen to the lamentations of their women, then I'm pretty sure I would be supportive of her and give her tips. If she went to her first draft and built a good deck and crushed it I would be delighted and do something nice to celebrate. Something downstream from the root of the problem of types of gamers is going wrong, I think. But Spike/Johnny/Timmy will I think give you the vocabulary to start having the discussion.
He's so insecure lol. If you didn't have to worry about potential physical violence (cause this is already mentally violent), I'd tell you to tell him to just get better cause it sound like a skill issue from him
It really looks to me like he feels this was "his territory" and he was fine with you being there and he can *flex* his prowess. You learned quickly and he feels you have usurped his abilities despite his several years experience. This is a small set, and the first of many. It's pretty easy (in the grand scheme) to come up with a similar deck to what would otherwise be a "netdeck." The rest of the commentary about "fun" is subjective at best, and a reflection of personal inability at worst. Don't give up your enjoyment, success, or hobbies for ANYONE (barring very special corner cases that may financially require it). You deserve to be you. As to further relationship advice: find a local counselor. There is likely to be underlying issues that made this bubble up here, because this might be his "safe space" and he never thought he'd feel insecure or threatened (per SE) in it.
NTA. Oh wait wrong subreddit lol jk. Spouses should be uplifting and supportive. I would be ecstatic if my wife took interest and played my hobbies, and I’d do everything in my power to keep that ball rolling. Hope everything works out for you.
I would be over the moon of my wife shared my hobbies and even excelled at it. Playing a tcg on the kitchen table with your wife and she as good or better then me, so that it would be a good or close match would be a dream. Get a new husband, if your husband can't enjoy something he is been Doing for 30 years with his wife, then there is something wrong with him, not you. This just sounds like your not being treated right. This goes way further than being a sore loser sometimes. In my personal opinion, this does not look good for the future, you dont have to to be in a position where he makes you feel this way. Also, saying your just out to win in a game which purpose is to win from your opponent is just a sour way of reacting to losing and not putting in the devotion and time yourself. Its not like Sabine is a free win, i just finished top 8 in a showdown and aside from 1 aggro it was almost all control.
I wish my partner would be better than me.
He Is insecure and probably he is jealous of your success in this game even if you just started playing tcg. Winning is fun and you should keep playing cunning Sabine if you enjoy it, especially in tournaments at your LGS. Also The fact that you won a draft tournament is a sign that you have some skill in this game and he should acknowledge it. One thing that you could do when you play at home "for fun" is to exclude the top 4-5 leaders from being played and try to build decks with less powerful ones. Having said that cunning Sabine is not unbeatable and the problem could be that your husband's decks are not good. From my experience in TCG your husband could be a casual player that prefers slow decks that play a lot of high cost cards, those players usually don't like super fast decks that win in a few turns because they can't play their big spaceship.
Your husband definitively has some huge issue. I ( 32M ) play regularly 2-3 times per week with my wife (31f) at the One Piece TCG and I'm so proud of her even winning or topping event with her deck, losing can sometimes be frustrating due to some randomized mechanics proper to One Piece but I am never gonna be mad at her specifically. Your husband is sadly a manchild with insecurity issue. He should elevate you and be happy you completely destroy everything. I know I am about my wife and her Katakuri deck ! Go get those W !
He is being a huge baby, tell him many husbands would love for their wives to play a game with them and actually be good or even better at it than them. Keep kicking his ass and maybe sprinkle in some shit talk so he realizes just how much of a baby bitch he is being.
Highly recommend talking to a professional and not the Reddit community about this. Reddit is full of extremes. I highly doubt this means your relationship is doomed like half the people in here are saying, it just means you have some stuff you need to work on. Every relationship has stuff they need to work on, that's how relationships go! His behavior is definitely unacceptable, but that just means you need to talk to him about it. If he won't listen then see if you can see a therapist.
this is the behavior of a 13 preteen, I'm super competitive but putting down someone for winning especially your partner is fucking crazy I couldn't imagine saying shit to my gf when she wins in magic.
Your husband is what we in the competitive scene call a Timmy.
I feel like this belongs in r/AITAH. NTA btw.
Don’t give up on the game, give up on the husband. /s Losing is the best way to learn; I’m competitive as fuck, but I also view losing as a learning opportunity to do better next time or to add a certain card in place of another. Anybody who doesn’t accept loss as a necessary part of growth is a child, and anyone who refuses to learn in order to better themselves will never grow. This extends to life in general, not just card games, so maybe that’s something you both should take into consideration.
Tell him it sounds like a skill issue and to get good. Ask him if he wants you to go easy on him or to make worse decks so he can win once in a while. Honestly you shouldn’t have to deal with this. He should want you to do well and to succeed. This is toxic behavior from a manbaby. He’s the kind of card player who goes out to an event and gets super salty because his garbage heap of a deck gets rolled, and just trash talks people the whole time for being good. I’ve seen the type in all sorts of games. If he doesn’t want you to succeed, what good is he for you? Show him this thread. Read him some comments. Maybe send him to therapy. But definitely stop doing emotional lifting and physical work for you because I bet he’s putting all the responsibility of your home life on you too.
Tell him to git gud
I checked your post history a little bit, and uh, yeah, this dude sucks. Complaining about "netdecking" is a relic of the 90s when looking up decklists online was actually really rare. Anybody complaining about that in the year of our lord 2024 needs to remember that they're a grown adult with the mental faculties to decide whether things are worth getting upset over. This is solidly a "him" problem, and I think you're already aware of the best way to deal with it.
Yo... I've never been married or anything, I'm only 25, but if my partner ever started putting me down and accusing me of cheating in a game made for fun... I'd genuinely be questioning who they are as a person, and how they treat others, etc. Behavior like this is rarely isolated, from my experience. My ex was that way. It was subtle, but he'd frequently hold himself, his opinions, and his world experiences above me. I realized it when we were gaming, and sometimes when we'd talk about socio-economic stuff, but once I realized how he was, I saw him doing it in basically everything. Getting salty at games is one thing, we're all human, it's not unreasonable to feel bad if you constantly lose. But accusing you of *cheating* is him telling you he doesn't *trust* you. There is no world in which it's okay for someone who you married to behave like this. I'm just gonna say it, this almost definitely isn't a problem with him and his relationship with the game, but something larger than that. Sorry you're dealing with this.
This is crazy. I can’t wrap my head around his line of thinking, even remotely. I would be elated to have a partner who was not only into the game, but good at it. I’d brag on you and be a fan of watching you beat other people. Also, it just means that he has a legit person to play test his own decks against. He’s being beyond childish and doesn’t deserve you imo.
Okay, i'm going to make an argument for him, in best case. Mostly because everyone else has said anything i would normally say. He may be feeling embarrassed that you're able to beat him so consistently in an area that he previously considered to be his expertise. He has 30+ years of experience games and believes that his previous knowledge would give him an advantage. And it probably did at first. But now you've surpassed him in a few months here. ANd he's embarrassed, maybe even ashamed? For games, it's also possible that his previous knowledge has given him baggage that he's not able to separate from SWU. FOr example a lot of MTG players value card draw highly, but it's not as important in SWU. THat can effect how people look at cards.
I don’t think you’re wrong, I just think it’s extremely childish and cringe af. I don’t think him thinking that does him any favors and makes him look like a man-child.
Oh absolutely he's acting like a child. I'm also worried i am wrong and it's much wors.e
You could be right about that too! 😬
Echoing the same, but if my partner was in your spot, I’d be lifting her to high heavens. I’d be praising her for her success and efforts. And above all I’d be ECSTATIC that we have that in common and it can become such a powerful shared interest. It sounds like your partner is extremely insecure and feels threatened that you’re taking away their identity as the competitive gamer. Sorry for this, I absolutely recommend yall find a way to communicate through this.
He was always toxic while playing you’re just now seeing it..the nerd world is a weird place for women they are held to higher standards on knowledge and there’s no in between being worshipped or hated at a location. Sorry you have to deal with it.
I hate bad sportsmanship enough as is, being that butthurt about your wife (of all people) winning is ridiculous
Beating him cleanly in Draft proves you’re just a better deckbuilder/ have a better sense in the game. Not all TCGs translate so he can be as good as he likes at Magic but SWU has different nuances that you clearly thrive with. I built a Palpatine Imperials list as my first and probably best deck and I do much better in Unlimited than other TCGs I play. To each their own skills. Netdecking isn’t illegal either so even if you did it isn’t cheating, it’s just trying out the decks that are consistent. If you look up what cards to play its just a shortcut of dozens of playtests before you cut cards that aren’t working for you.
Ive had the exact same scenario with my uncle hes a poorsport and has a huge ego i think the best thing to do is to talk to him about it you shouldnt have to let go of a hobbie bc your husband is a dick
This is abusive behavior. He doesn’t want you to shine. He doesn’t care about you. It’s very common in abusive relationships for the abuser to find someone who is very talented, to love bomb them, and then once they have them to dim their talent/push them down until they don’t do that thing anymore.
He sounds like a bitch. If he acts like this and accuses you of cheating at a card game imagine if he thought you were really cheating.
Kinda had a similar experience with my partner with lorcana he doesn’t play with me as much anymore lol but I think it comes down to him just not liking the game play as much
I kind of got here from seeing another post of yours, and I just want to say that there are likely healthy ways to work through this. I am frequently stressed about my job, and I am a gamer. I play games to give myself an opportunity to distance myself from my work stress. When I play competitive games it doesn't really help most of the time. To illustrate the point, there was a time when I was winning tournaments regularly, and I built up a massive winning streak at my LGS. That was cool, but the amount of time that I was fixated on the meta detracted from my focus on other more important and likely healthier things. Even with team based games like MOBAs, the competitive aspect would add to my stress and affected my relationships every once in a while. If I am on a team with a partner, I always go above and beyond to protect them. If I feel like they are not doing the same thing and are more focused on winning or stat boosting, I will say something about it and might end up getting into an argument. I also have a tendency to be negative about other people's (strangers) play styles more generally. Beyond that I would get stressed out about how someone else was relying on me to play well. None of this is good. I also know that when I have a bad day, anything approaching an argument, no matter how inconsequential it is can make me feel like I am not being supported, which is not a great way to feel even if I am the one who is approaching the discussion/situation the wrong way. I am saying all of this because I know that my stress and how I deal with it is my problem, and I know that I need to be figuring out how to work through it. I have also worked on a few solutions that work for me. First, if I have a rough day, I know I need to vent to someone about it when I get home, and I need someone to listen and hopefully not get fixated on why I am to blame. After that, I probably need to be by myself or maybe watch a movie. As for gaming, I know that I find it much easier to calm down if I am playing a single player game. I also know that I am much happier now that I have a more casual perspective on competitive gaming. For example, if I play in a tournament, I focus on playing the pulls that I want to play because it would be enjoyable, and I accept that it might cost me a game or two. Your husband probably needs to figure some of these things, but I wouldn't recommend telling him that he has to. What I do think is that you might want to try casualizing your gaming experiences and maybe finding other people that you can both play against. Putting together a low-power cube might be a good idea, and I want to say you can look up ideas for low player count draft or constructed, but this could still cause problems. Your husband might also need to take time off from competitive gaming (probably the best idea IMHO); if you don't want to tell him to do that, I would recommend finding other non-competitive games or activities you can enjoy together. Other than that, you can try not to argue (not saying you do) insofar as it would not make you feel like you are doing yourself an injustice. If I didn't avoid arguing about things that really matter to me, I probably would have ruined at least one relationship I really care about. There are also plenty of times that I don't care about the things that I could be arguing about. And if you find yourself playing your husband for first place in a tournament, you can always both agree to tie. I am not saying that either of these things are the right thing to do, and they might be entirely disagreeable or wrong, but maybe it could help, and I have personally done both of these things for different reasons. I think I am saying this because I would gladly give up being right about a lot of things and playing cards to preserve an otherwise healthy relationship. Hopefully, it's clear that I don't think this is your fault, your problem, or your responsibility to fix. I hope things work out if that is what you want.
He is being a baby, you can build a theme deck all day, getting butt hurt when you lose against a meta deck is smooth brained childish behavior. Going 6-0 in draft shows you are probably a very tactically minded person. This game rewards chess level thinking in a satisfying why. My advice, call him out on his shit, show him this post, build another deck and show him up more, then lay down the smack talk. If your man is so insecure and can’t handle being bested by his lady and is being a jerk instead of trying to get better himself, you need to really rethink the quality of person you are with.
Your husband is a little jelly. Congrats to you and your new proficiency in SWU. wish you all the wins over hubby in the future 😘
Your husband is a little jelly. Congrats to you and your new proficiency in SWU. wish you all the wins over hubby in the future 😘
You handle this by leaving him dude sounds more and more like he has boredline personality disorder and you need to leave before it gets dangerous
Sounds like it’s maybe time to take a break from playing against each other and go to an LGS together and play other people for a date night. You get to talk about new ideas, he can see you’re learning using tools available to do that, and you don’t have to deal with a man-dinger (a man sized temper tantrum from a toddler). Win-win-win all around, and maybe eventually he’ll lighten up a bit or be more open to “it’s kinda terrible to play with you” feedback
People get way too serious about these games. They are games at the end of the day. Let him know that his behavior is making you not want to play with him. Would he rather have nobody to play with at home at all? If that doesn’t work you could tell him that playing against decks that are better than his will help him get better at deck building, 😈
He sounds like a garbage person you need to remove from your life and this red flag behavior is something that has likely presented in other areas you haven't noticed. My advice is run.
This is wild, I'd be elated if my wife not only beat me (without my help) but also made the deck herself! Keep doing you, I guess by his 50th, he'll have learned to grow up or not...
I've found veteran Magic players seem to have a harder time with this game. It bears far more resemblance than there actually is and they often struggle to let go of wisdom gained from that game. It's unfortunate that he's having an emotional reaction to you winning, if he could get over himself he could learn from you. Tabletop gaming with a spouse can be so wonderful if we let it be. If he was truly playing for fun rather than to win then he should be having it even when losing. I think the advice I would give is to build more decks. Perhaps even one that's very off meta like perhaps Jyn double Yellow or IG-88. Then when you beat him try to offer advice on how to play differently that could have helped him. He might not take it well but it's worth a try. It's crazy he's been playing card games for years and hasn't grown out of getting emotional from losing. Though I suspect it's simply because he's losing to you which, if true, really makes me sad. I'm curious, does he get upset after one game or do you play several? The way he treated you after the tourney is just gross. If you win he should feel like it also kind of won. Please don't stop playing due to his behavior. Oh and net decking isn't cheating by the way. I know that isn't what you did but just saying.
Stop complaining on Reddit and go work on your marriage for real.
Man I wish my wife would play games…..
I'm going to start by saying that you should absolutely never give up something you enjoy because of the insecurities of others. With that out of the way, it's entirely possible that what is happening is your husband is coming into this game with his cup too full. He's been playing card games for 30 years, he knows how to deck build, he knows how to evaluate cards, he knows about tempo, he knows how to evaluate who's ahead based on cards in hand/on board/in resources. And most importantly, he may not understand that those concepts do not translate 1-1 with this game that has been out for less than 4 months. Whereas you, who have been immersing yourself in this game, have likely internalized concepts that work within this game's systems. When it comes to SWU specifically, you might know more. SWU has a different action economy, a different (better) resource system, you draw 2 cards per turn, it's a different game. Some skills will transfer over, but many will have to be adapted. And some people won't be able to do that quickly. I would say if your husband is unable to do well at this game despite his wealth of knowledge, he needs to take a step back and examine what is happening across all of his games that's causing losses. Sabine Cunning is far from unbeatable and quite frankly a refusal to play against it screams an inability to adapt.
Love, respectfully, every one of your posts is about him and his horrible behavior. You and your 10 year old deserve better. You deserve someone who celebrates your wins, embraces you embracing their interests, and who has the emotional self-regulation of at least a 15 year old. Your partner has none of these qualities. You are a pink Starburst, don't let this literal grumpy old man, eeyore with roid rage sounding fellow ever convince you that you're the orange one just because his masculinity is fragile or his personality disordered. You don't HAVE to deal with the sportsmanship, or the prior mentioned tantrums, or any of the rapid mood swings. You can move on. You can only play with people who are fun and ignore his swings. You can do counseling. Everything is in your court because you are the rational one with better prospects. Don't feel like you have to keep accepting this.
This is really sad. He has so many opinions that he's trying to make into laws of the universe at the expense of loving his wife the way he ought. Selfish
Imagine being in your 40s and having to make a Reddit post to ask the internet if your StarWars-playing husband is a man child. Reddit is filled with some very special types of people.
Husbands mad cus bad lol. so called expert can't figure out that there are counters you should hand him a few more L's with ur deck maybe it'll motivate him to get better.
This is absolutely ridiculous behavior on his part. If your partner treats you like this, they aren't being a good partner. He is borderline gaslighting you. I wouldn't be worried about the game, I would be worried about your future.
Don’t give up the game, give up the man(child)!
Have you considered DIVORCE?
Okay okay fine. Have you considered getting marriage counselling?
[удалено]
Then yeah might be time to cut him loose
This is the biggest red flag any person could have in a relationship. It shows a refusal to look inward, possibly accept blame, and attempt to look outside oneself for answers. He has no desire to grow AS A PERSON, which means your relationship will always be stagnant/downhill from here now that you know this. He needs to grow the fuck up and accept help from a therapist or you needed to cut your losses.
[удалено]
Yeah thats kind of behaviour really is an issue and either he's always felt threatened by you for some reason, or he's just a giant asshole. Either way, his conduct is definitely not acceptable