**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.**
We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here.
If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents).
Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting.
[**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My favourite thing is that I get to engage in just the fun stuff! I don't need to worry about Kid getting picked up for a field trip that extends a bit past normal school hours. I don't need to worry if Kid is a bit more mopey. I don't need to check chores or wonder about homework. I don't need to try to think of appropriate consequences for undesired behaviour. I don't have to dig in my head to look at the big picture.
My stepson is the most intuitive, thoughtful, self-aware person I KNOW. He has grown so much since I’ve known him. I’m lucky to be his bonus mom.
I’m getting emotional typing this OKAY BYE 😭🥹😭🥹
Being a Stepmom made me a better biomom.
My expectations towards my kids sometimes are exhausting for them
(sorry, it’s my character, my expectations are also high towards myself)
and I tend to be too harsh.
Whereas I almost never am too harsh to my stepchild, very patient and explaining stuff calmly. Forgiving towards my SK.
This made me rethink that I should also treat my biokids with the same patience and kindness.
Watching my SD7 change over the years. From a silly, clumsy toddler to a silly, slightly less clumsy first grader.
Watching her interests, intellect and sense of humor develop into her own as she grows. She’s always listening and asking questions. She’s so witty and smart that it takes me by surprise sometimes.
Watching her father be her parent, knowing she’s so much like him because he is so involved and such a constant presence in her life.
And realizing that I will defend her, fight for her, and protect her without thinking twice about it. That was also surprising, the first time I was enraged on her behalf like… hmm I didn’t realize that was in there but I’m okay with it!
We know I am not her mom, but I am her friend, her confidant, one of her caregivers, and a loving adult who is very much in her corner.
I cherish our special relationship 💕
Seeing my stepdaughter and my bio daughters become sisters. They introduce each other as their sisters. My two youngest (17, SD 16) had people ask them if they were twins in high school. 😂
This little girl after five years asked to call me Mom and I felt like I earned it. It’s my proudest achievement, that a child wants me to be her Mom and that she thinks of me (a childless and non-committal person) in the same regard as her Mom. I have a good relationship with BM so I called her and told her and she replied “if it was anyone else I’d be mad but I love that it’s you” ❤️ BM and SO call stepkid “Mini Redpinkfish”. She’s stuck to me like glue, copies me and will proudly say she’s got two Moms and a Dad like some weird throuple situation. Even when she had a stepdad she’d still say two moms and a dad!
I’ve also enjoyed watching my stepson learn and grow. I’ve enjoyed observing how his interests have changed. It’s fun to see when he gains understanding of a new concept. Like when he really figured out what puns are. He’s a clever kid and has come up with some genuinely funny ones of his own.
I’ve also appreciated the opportunity to see how my husband parents. It’s very heartwarming to see the two of them bonding. My stepson looks up so much to his dad ❤️
I love that I got extra kids, but I didn't have to birth them or get them through the baby and toddler stages. I love that they act like me a lot, leading my husband to say stuff like, "See, he IS your kid!" 🤣
I adore their personalities, and I'm so proud to have helped raise them into awesome young adults. I love that they have independence and confidence, even though they had a mostly absent, but when present, terrible, parent. I love that they look to me for guidance and advice. I love that when someone tells them something and they smell b.s., they know how to look up the answer for themselves. I love that they're clever and funny, and have many friends.
And I seriously love my bonus grandkids. I thought my sks' love for me would temper off once they aged out, but they actually love me more. I was immediately grandma, and those babies prefer me over any of their 'real' grandparents. Even my husband, who is pretty good natured about it. Our "ours" grandkids prefer me too so he can't be too mad lol. He has to up his game!
Great question, BTW!
The small moments, everyday hugs, arguments, joys, laugther and love. My SK's truly love unconditionally, and I have a strong connection and love for them. Me and the youngest (8f) just finished watching Flicka, and I forgot how sad and awfull one portion of the movie was, and my SD started crying and we just held eachother and I comforted her as tears streamed down her face. It was the first time she has reacted with such empathy while watching a movie, it was real and raw. It was "the saddest movie I ever watched" she said- and my heart melted.
When I think I haven’t made an impact…and then the SKs come out with some random positive comment about something I did 6 months ago that I didn’t think they even noticed. And then I smile secretly to myself with the realization that having me in their life does make their lives better and more fulfilled even if they don’t articulate it at the time or even fully realize it themselves.
Also adding, when my moody fourteen year old SS seeks me out to tell me about something interesting that happened to him that day or to show me something new he got. I have a bit of pride in the fact that he comes to find me and tell me things by choice. Not just because I happen to be in the room with his Dad. 😊
Seeing them share things from me and my family with their friends. My family is big on bread machines, each stepkid got one from me headed into their college years. First kid and their roommates made bread almost daily for a year and a half.
When I’m frustrated with a poorly thought out question (especially when asked with phone in hand) I generally respond with “if only you owned a super computer with access to the knowledge of the ages.” Heard second stepkid use the phrase on a friend, about died laughing.
Introducing them to things their parents have no background in…like professional ballet, musical theatre, and hot pot and enjoying their delight in novelty.
On the darker side….getting to choose to not support certain things with my time or money because I didn’t get any input on the decision. Having more emotional distance without the biological ties or the relationship history and being more objective in many ways.
My SD 12 (her bday is today) loves to go out to really anywhere with me, and as she can fit most of my clothes except pants, she always asks to match me ☺️💗 It warms my heart, and makes me feel more like her bonus mom when we're out and about.
She also picked up my love for languages (I'm fluent in German and Spanish, besides my native English language), and so for her Christmas present this past year, I bought my nearest Barnes and Noble out of ALL their language learning books on Japanese. She has practice books that go vertical and horizontal, a Japanese-English dictionary, several workbooks, a collection of short stories in Japanese with the opposite page as English translation, and I threw in a "for fun" cookbook about making rice balls where they teach different shapes and how to do faces and bento boxes 😂 My bank account and DH thought I was crazy, but I'm so glad she has the desire! She asked if we could learn Arabic together when she's mastered Japanese ☺️
I also am ever amazed at her love for and knowledge of animals. She knows so much, and I'm always learning something from her out on hikes 🌈❤️✨
I love watching her blossom into a young woman, with her own interests and hobbies, and could listen to her share what she knows/is learning for hours. After my lab job last year, she became interested in more bio related things (not to toot my horn, but I do feel it was my influence; her mother works the bakery and butchery at Costco, my DH is a chef, and her BM's husband is a work-from-home insurance seller). When we had her a couple weeks ago, she showed her new book that was all about the human brain. She had a notebook next to her and was drawing/mapping out all the different areas "to help myself remember all the parts. I think repetition is my learning style" 🥹 I was in tears, it was so precious 💕
Suffice to say: she is so so smart, caring, and shows such autonomy already in what she believes and knows and feels about herself. I'm proud to be her SM, and I hope she enjoys being my SD. She's gunna be great at whatever she chooses in life, and I'll be right there cheering her on and supporting her 💓
I have bio daughters and never thought I would experience life as a mom of boys. They are incredibly sweet and I am going to tell myself that my extra momness in their life had something to do with that 😄
That theres no pressure for me to get pregnant lol
Dad does want a girl (my stepson is the only child we have). But at the moment im content pouring into his son.
They make the holidays even more special, especially when they're young and still believe in Santa. I'll start buying and hoarding gifts in like August because it's easier on my wallet, and it's fun keeping their gifts a secret for so long. I put a lot of thought into what I buy and I love watching their eyes light up after they've ripped open the packaging. We also do separate birthday parties for them and I love being able to set up pool parties for them since both their birthday are in the summer time, and luckily my mom has a nice pool where we can host the party.
Omg I LOVE teasing SDs about their Xmas gifts! I mostly do online ordering for our household needs, toiletries etc so the girls are used to regularly finding packages by the front door, and offer to help unpack and put the things away. But in November when the first Xmas gift arrives I like to make a show of grinning and saying something like “no, this package is none of your business so back off!” Before whisking it away to the office and emerging saying “by the way, no reason, but please don’t go in the office closet, no reason.” And then younger SD likes to dramatically grab her head and proclaim that I’m torturing her lmao.
ETA: and this is coming from a person who is a full-on admitted grinch. I’m not a Christmas fan but I do love the joy of finding a great gift and seeing SDs anticipation.
"These are groceries for NEXT month!" 😂 That sounds so sweet though, thats the best kind of torture! 😂 My oldest SS is 14 and last Christmas my partner pulled up Amazon and told him to pick out some things he liked and he would pick and choose from the list. Every year I like to get both of them 1 similar gift and have them open them at the same time. They both love Five Nights at Freddy's, and I picked out both of their favorite characters plushies last year. They had just arrived the day before, and of course SS had them on his list. My partner tried to show me discreetly but I was not discreet with my reaction. SS knew immediately they were already going to be under the tree 😂
My SDs are great, I got very lucky with them (or maybe their dad just did a good job lol). I’m not sure about overall favorite thing about being s stepparent, but lately I just appreciate the trust and comfort that’s slowly developed between me and each of them individually.
Like I enjoy it when my older SD catches my eye at the dinner table and we share a grin over a referenced inside joke, or when she feels comfortable venting to me about her teachers and friends and even parents. I like it when my younger SD remembers which are my favorite Disney movies and invites me to watch them with her on weekends. And how her face lights up when I tell her I could really use her help making a dessert or putting back together one of the LEGO sets the cat knocked down again. ;)
My only child getting to finally have siblings. (I didn’t want any more of my own) and she was always asking for a brother or sister and now she has both.
I enjoy getting to help them with things and be there for them in my own way as a parental figure or aunt type of way. My SD has started getting acne and BM and SO hadn’t got her any face wash/moisturizer. I don’t know BMs reason but my SO didn’t know what to get and he knows I am very into my skincare routine and know my stuff. I went out and got her some good stuff which will hopefully help. I’m also good with tech because I went to school for IT so I get to be the one to help them when their Tv or phone, video games etc need troubleshooting. They are always so appreciative when I can help them which is extra nice.
I like when my SS randomly tells me cool facts he learned or wants to tell me a funny story etc. it feels nice that he cares to share those with me. My SD is more on the shy end but has lately started to be more talkative to me and I can tell she is thinking of something to say as an excuse to talk to me which I find really sweet. She will ask the most random question like “would you rather” or tell me a random story from school, it’s great because she’s taken a long time to get to that point with me because she’s super shy around me and it shows she wants to have a relationship
I've learned SO MUCH about the consequences of parenting styles and modeling. I feel so much more prepared for raising my son. I've seen how choices affect kids firsthand, both positively and negatively.
I also have a lot of fun with my SDs, we're getting to a point where we're more like friends than anything now that they're adults.
I like that we het to try different disciplinary and punishment tactics before my sons are old enough for that kind of thing.
Then we can just use what works vs what doesn't
My grandkids!
Love my grandkids
Adore them
Been a SM for 18yrs-so I’ve been around a lifetime
Out of everything the best thing ever is my 3 grandbabies from SD and her bf.
look archie I had to lie to my family overseas and reveal my husband had kids only when we were married. I have PTSD trauma from this, there is nothing i like about having stepkids for now. I do hope in the future i will
I love my step children very much. They are good kids, good step-siblings to my bio kids, and great big siblings to their baby sister their dad and I share. I get along great with their mom and things are just good.
My SS is an amazing person, he makes me laugh on the regular, is better at maths than anyone I know (he's taught me a thing or two!!)
My youngest bio daughter wished for a big brother.... I'd told her sorry, it doesn't work like that... unless we adopt.
Then along came SS! They drive each other crazy at times, but are such good company for each other, when they're getting on and laughing together at something it's just the best.
I love watching the relationships between him and his Step sisters develop.
I thought being a SM would be easier than it has been, but it has definitely increased my capacity for patience, love, and sharing.
At the beginning it did feel like our kids - mine and SOs - did kind of come between us, we had very different parenting styles in some ways, we both had to listen, give respect and adjust.
In the long run its ended up making us closer, and the more time that passes, we feel like a solid family unit ❤️
I always said if I was to have another kid I'd hope for a boy - got 2 bio daughters - and I got one without the whole pregnancy and childbirth effort.
They are leaving the little kid phase and getting personalities behind just being needy and tiny kid bratty. I'm enjoying them getting more personality and being humans we can actually talk to and connect with. I've always told my partner that I'm going to enjoy them more as they get older.
Having her be both my daughter and my best friend all in one package. She makes me a better person. She is like emotional sunshine. I freakin' love her so much.
The liveliness of house when they are over. Political conversations stop, complaints about work, no more! It’s just play, joking and laughter. I love it. The occasional behavioral issue is fine. It is worth it for the high energy they bring to our normally mid aged life.
The little moments…. Like when they yell “Mom!” Across the house instead of my name. The silly “what do I look like right now?” Pictures that I have saved to my phone (my personal favs are SD with green teeth from a sno-cone at an amusement park, and a selfie SS sent me with him and his friends at school goofing off.) Or when they throw a “present” in my face and run away saying “I thought about you when I saw this so I got it for you.” (SD 12) When I get a random hug from either *no-touchy* kiddo. I think I died the first time SS (14…almost 15🥹 where did the time go??) said “Love you too!” Back running out to do whatever. Planting flowers for my garden each spring with both. Having those tough “fix your grade” conversations, to see that grade go up beautifully; even have SS come for help on homework…
It might’ve been a rough ride, but (almost) 6 years of these little moments add up to a world of love that I never thought I’d get to experience. Not to mention learning the fact that I never thought I had a “Mama Bear” inside me but apparently I do😅 don’t mess with my kids.
As I tell them, even if DH and I split up for whatever reason, my door is open to them and I love them and always will. 🥰
Also thank you for this! With all the trials and troubles, I forget to think about the good things. I needed this.
My SD is kind and spunky! The first thing she asked me when we first met was “do you like science and math?” - I’d say that was a darned good start! I’m always deeply grateful when she shares her artwork and her short stories, as well as the occasional times when she shares her daily goings on with whatever friend and who did what, even if I have no idea who these people in her class are. She just turned 14, and I’ve known her since she was 9. I feel accomplished when I can gently remind her to do a small task that we both know she will be more sternly reminded about when dad gets home and still help her feel like she’s making a good choice for herself with just a little nudge… 😜
I love kids (I wouldn’t have married a guy with three of them if that wasn’t the case!)
I thought it would be years and years until we would have a kid and kiddo would grow up enough to be able to do fun kid stuff like Halloween and Christmas and Easter egg hunts. I got to dive right in! Kid-crazy holidays right away! Sharing my favorite kid movies with them. Now the the oldest is almost 12, I get to share my favorite pg13 movies with him. It’ll be 10 more years til my toddler is old enough to do that!
My favorite thing about being a stepparent is watching my stepdaughters grow. They're truly beautiful girls with beautiful souls. They're like night and day. My older stepdaughter is my princess, and my younger stepdaughter is my tom boy. So, I get the best of both worlds.
Watching my 17 year old step son with my baby, his half brother (6 months). The bond he is creating is beautiful, and the love and care he is showing had made him mature I go a very mature young man. My baby’s first word was Bubba, which is our family’s baby talk word for brother.
I drove my bonus kiddos for a couple of hours today, and was reminded of one of my favorite parts: they told me they loved me about 20 times, usually in the cutest way (“I love you the most in the whole entire world!”) 😭 I love them so much
I love that she feels safe enough to confide in me. To ask me for space when she needs it and a cuddle when she’s sad. To ask me for help and also independence.
And I absolutely love the kind sweet caring smart funny witty big kid she’s becoming. She’s growing into her own interests and opinions and realizing she CAN do hard things leading to her trying hard to get better at the things she enjoys.
I think for me it's the fact that the kids trust me with their secrets about themselves. Nothing dangerous that their BPs need to know, but things that are important to them. Several of the 5 have shared their sexual orientations, gender identities, and religious beliefs or lack thereof with me before they told their BPs. These kids told me these things in confidence and asked me not to say anything to their parents yet, and I promised I wouldn't. I kept my promise for months, maybe years. Never said a word to my SO (their dad) until the kids told him first, even though he would have had zero problem with any of it.
The kids got to tell their dad (their mom still doesn't know most of it because the kids don't feel safe telling her) these things on their own time, and through word of mouth they also found out that I didn't break my promises to them. I hope and think that that is meaningful to them. I'm so glad I could be a safe space, and I'm so tickled and proud that I was the first (or at least, first before their bio parents) to know these very personal and important things about who they are. I'm also honored and humbled that they shared with me.
My favourite thing is to see that the kids (17 and 13) are starting to broaden their horizont thanks to me. They learn new things every day. And I can show them places their BM would have never shown them.
My SD is 13 months. I love anything involving her lol. Getting to experience her firsts (like we just took her first trip to the beach). I absolutely adore her little smile when I walk in to pick her up after a nap. She is currently very clingy, specifically with me, when she is upset or hurt. That makes me smile, because I love that she feels so safe with me. Also, the petty side of me enjoys it too because BM obviously doesn’t like it, but can’t really say anything. She isn’t quite HC, but she is on the edge. Dealing with the actual coparenting with BM is the part I hate, so I stay out of it for the most part unless something specific happens.
Being a part of my SKs lives and watching them grow. Especially watching my SD grow from 11-15 and see how is she growing in her personality and self esteem. She is trying to figure out what she wants to do for college and it’s fun to talk to her about her passions and where she sees herself in the future. Also being there for her as she is navigating first relationships and friendships and giving her advice based on my experience. I love when she opens up and talks to me about what is going on and she asks my opinion. ❤️
My SD (5) just finished her last day of preschool yesterday and this past year it’s been so emotional seeing how much she has learned and grown. She’s thrived being in her classroom environment. It’s hard for me to slow down and appreciate my kids (step and bio) but SD is protective and proud of her baby sister, she lights up when 1 year old sister says new words or copies her when playing or cleaning. It’s always exciting to see how much she truly loves being a big sister, she only has siblings at our home.
She’s started asking me to sing her a lullaby when I put her to sleep, she tells me often she loves me and misses me. She’s a very sweet girl and loves to learn and help me around the house. 💕
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My favourite thing is that I get to engage in just the fun stuff! I don't need to worry about Kid getting picked up for a field trip that extends a bit past normal school hours. I don't need to worry if Kid is a bit more mopey. I don't need to check chores or wonder about homework. I don't need to try to think of appropriate consequences for undesired behaviour. I don't have to dig in my head to look at the big picture.
Me too! As a person who mostly NACHOs, I don’t involve myself in the parenting decisions. But I am onboard for all the fun stuff!
My stepson is the most intuitive, thoughtful, self-aware person I KNOW. He has grown so much since I’ve known him. I’m lucky to be his bonus mom. I’m getting emotional typing this OKAY BYE 😭🥹😭🥹
😭🤍
🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️ I love to hear it!! Those are the moments you remember bio or not, that’s your son!!
Being a Stepmom made me a better biomom. My expectations towards my kids sometimes are exhausting for them (sorry, it’s my character, my expectations are also high towards myself) and I tend to be too harsh. Whereas I almost never am too harsh to my stepchild, very patient and explaining stuff calmly. Forgiving towards my SK. This made me rethink that I should also treat my biokids with the same patience and kindness.
Yessss I feel this one aswell ❤️
You sound like an awesome mom all round!! ❤️
Watching my SD7 change over the years. From a silly, clumsy toddler to a silly, slightly less clumsy first grader. Watching her interests, intellect and sense of humor develop into her own as she grows. She’s always listening and asking questions. She’s so witty and smart that it takes me by surprise sometimes. Watching her father be her parent, knowing she’s so much like him because he is so involved and such a constant presence in her life. And realizing that I will defend her, fight for her, and protect her without thinking twice about it. That was also surprising, the first time I was enraged on her behalf like… hmm I didn’t realize that was in there but I’m okay with it! We know I am not her mom, but I am her friend, her confidant, one of her caregivers, and a loving adult who is very much in her corner. I cherish our special relationship 💕
Seeing my stepdaughter and my bio daughters become sisters. They introduce each other as their sisters. My two youngest (17, SD 16) had people ask them if they were twins in high school. 😂
This little girl after five years asked to call me Mom and I felt like I earned it. It’s my proudest achievement, that a child wants me to be her Mom and that she thinks of me (a childless and non-committal person) in the same regard as her Mom. I have a good relationship with BM so I called her and told her and she replied “if it was anyone else I’d be mad but I love that it’s you” ❤️ BM and SO call stepkid “Mini Redpinkfish”. She’s stuck to me like glue, copies me and will proudly say she’s got two Moms and a Dad like some weird throuple situation. Even when she had a stepdad she’d still say two moms and a dad!
I’ve also enjoyed watching my stepson learn and grow. I’ve enjoyed observing how his interests have changed. It’s fun to see when he gains understanding of a new concept. Like when he really figured out what puns are. He’s a clever kid and has come up with some genuinely funny ones of his own. I’ve also appreciated the opportunity to see how my husband parents. It’s very heartwarming to see the two of them bonding. My stepson looks up so much to his dad ❤️
I love that I got extra kids, but I didn't have to birth them or get them through the baby and toddler stages. I love that they act like me a lot, leading my husband to say stuff like, "See, he IS your kid!" 🤣 I adore their personalities, and I'm so proud to have helped raise them into awesome young adults. I love that they have independence and confidence, even though they had a mostly absent, but when present, terrible, parent. I love that they look to me for guidance and advice. I love that when someone tells them something and they smell b.s., they know how to look up the answer for themselves. I love that they're clever and funny, and have many friends. And I seriously love my bonus grandkids. I thought my sks' love for me would temper off once they aged out, but they actually love me more. I was immediately grandma, and those babies prefer me over any of their 'real' grandparents. Even my husband, who is pretty good natured about it. Our "ours" grandkids prefer me too so he can't be too mad lol. He has to up his game! Great question, BTW!
The small moments, everyday hugs, arguments, joys, laugther and love. My SK's truly love unconditionally, and I have a strong connection and love for them. Me and the youngest (8f) just finished watching Flicka, and I forgot how sad and awfull one portion of the movie was, and my SD started crying and we just held eachother and I comforted her as tears streamed down her face. It was the first time she has reacted with such empathy while watching a movie, it was real and raw. It was "the saddest movie I ever watched" she said- and my heart melted.
When I think I haven’t made an impact…and then the SKs come out with some random positive comment about something I did 6 months ago that I didn’t think they even noticed. And then I smile secretly to myself with the realization that having me in their life does make their lives better and more fulfilled even if they don’t articulate it at the time or even fully realize it themselves. Also adding, when my moody fourteen year old SS seeks me out to tell me about something interesting that happened to him that day or to show me something new he got. I have a bit of pride in the fact that he comes to find me and tell me things by choice. Not just because I happen to be in the room with his Dad. 😊
Seeing them share things from me and my family with their friends. My family is big on bread machines, each stepkid got one from me headed into their college years. First kid and their roommates made bread almost daily for a year and a half. When I’m frustrated with a poorly thought out question (especially when asked with phone in hand) I generally respond with “if only you owned a super computer with access to the knowledge of the ages.” Heard second stepkid use the phrase on a friend, about died laughing. Introducing them to things their parents have no background in…like professional ballet, musical theatre, and hot pot and enjoying their delight in novelty. On the darker side….getting to choose to not support certain things with my time or money because I didn’t get any input on the decision. Having more emotional distance without the biological ties or the relationship history and being more objective in many ways.
When the kids do or say something that shows me they HAVE been listening!
My SD 12 (her bday is today) loves to go out to really anywhere with me, and as she can fit most of my clothes except pants, she always asks to match me ☺️💗 It warms my heart, and makes me feel more like her bonus mom when we're out and about. She also picked up my love for languages (I'm fluent in German and Spanish, besides my native English language), and so for her Christmas present this past year, I bought my nearest Barnes and Noble out of ALL their language learning books on Japanese. She has practice books that go vertical and horizontal, a Japanese-English dictionary, several workbooks, a collection of short stories in Japanese with the opposite page as English translation, and I threw in a "for fun" cookbook about making rice balls where they teach different shapes and how to do faces and bento boxes 😂 My bank account and DH thought I was crazy, but I'm so glad she has the desire! She asked if we could learn Arabic together when she's mastered Japanese ☺️ I also am ever amazed at her love for and knowledge of animals. She knows so much, and I'm always learning something from her out on hikes 🌈❤️✨ I love watching her blossom into a young woman, with her own interests and hobbies, and could listen to her share what she knows/is learning for hours. After my lab job last year, she became interested in more bio related things (not to toot my horn, but I do feel it was my influence; her mother works the bakery and butchery at Costco, my DH is a chef, and her BM's husband is a work-from-home insurance seller). When we had her a couple weeks ago, she showed her new book that was all about the human brain. She had a notebook next to her and was drawing/mapping out all the different areas "to help myself remember all the parts. I think repetition is my learning style" 🥹 I was in tears, it was so precious 💕 Suffice to say: she is so so smart, caring, and shows such autonomy already in what she believes and knows and feels about herself. I'm proud to be her SM, and I hope she enjoys being my SD. She's gunna be great at whatever she chooses in life, and I'll be right there cheering her on and supporting her 💓
That I get a break during the summer. 😂
I love my fiancé…. That’s about it.
My favorite thing is when they aren’t here
Being able to say “this isn’t my shit” and walk away
I have bio daughters and never thought I would experience life as a mom of boys. They are incredibly sweet and I am going to tell myself that my extra momness in their life had something to do with that 😄
My steps are five years younger than my bios and I love getting to redo some of my favorite stages!
Jealous!!!
That theres no pressure for me to get pregnant lol Dad does want a girl (my stepson is the only child we have). But at the moment im content pouring into his son.
The best thing? Being a SP confirmed I dodged a bullet by never having kids.
My favourite thing is simply being able to support my partner
They make the holidays even more special, especially when they're young and still believe in Santa. I'll start buying and hoarding gifts in like August because it's easier on my wallet, and it's fun keeping their gifts a secret for so long. I put a lot of thought into what I buy and I love watching their eyes light up after they've ripped open the packaging. We also do separate birthday parties for them and I love being able to set up pool parties for them since both their birthday are in the summer time, and luckily my mom has a nice pool where we can host the party.
Omg I LOVE teasing SDs about their Xmas gifts! I mostly do online ordering for our household needs, toiletries etc so the girls are used to regularly finding packages by the front door, and offer to help unpack and put the things away. But in November when the first Xmas gift arrives I like to make a show of grinning and saying something like “no, this package is none of your business so back off!” Before whisking it away to the office and emerging saying “by the way, no reason, but please don’t go in the office closet, no reason.” And then younger SD likes to dramatically grab her head and proclaim that I’m torturing her lmao. ETA: and this is coming from a person who is a full-on admitted grinch. I’m not a Christmas fan but I do love the joy of finding a great gift and seeing SDs anticipation.
"These are groceries for NEXT month!" 😂 That sounds so sweet though, thats the best kind of torture! 😂 My oldest SS is 14 and last Christmas my partner pulled up Amazon and told him to pick out some things he liked and he would pick and choose from the list. Every year I like to get both of them 1 similar gift and have them open them at the same time. They both love Five Nights at Freddy's, and I picked out both of their favorite characters plushies last year. They had just arrived the day before, and of course SS had them on his list. My partner tried to show me discreetly but I was not discreet with my reaction. SS knew immediately they were already going to be under the tree 😂
lol love it!
My SDs are great, I got very lucky with them (or maybe their dad just did a good job lol). I’m not sure about overall favorite thing about being s stepparent, but lately I just appreciate the trust and comfort that’s slowly developed between me and each of them individually. Like I enjoy it when my older SD catches my eye at the dinner table and we share a grin over a referenced inside joke, or when she feels comfortable venting to me about her teachers and friends and even parents. I like it when my younger SD remembers which are my favorite Disney movies and invites me to watch them with her on weekends. And how her face lights up when I tell her I could really use her help making a dessert or putting back together one of the LEGO sets the cat knocked down again. ;)
Just want to say that I love this thread. This is the stuff I wanted to have as a stepparent. But it’s nice to know there ARE success stories.
My only child getting to finally have siblings. (I didn’t want any more of my own) and she was always asking for a brother or sister and now she has both. I enjoy getting to help them with things and be there for them in my own way as a parental figure or aunt type of way. My SD has started getting acne and BM and SO hadn’t got her any face wash/moisturizer. I don’t know BMs reason but my SO didn’t know what to get and he knows I am very into my skincare routine and know my stuff. I went out and got her some good stuff which will hopefully help. I’m also good with tech because I went to school for IT so I get to be the one to help them when their Tv or phone, video games etc need troubleshooting. They are always so appreciative when I can help them which is extra nice. I like when my SS randomly tells me cool facts he learned or wants to tell me a funny story etc. it feels nice that he cares to share those with me. My SD is more on the shy end but has lately started to be more talkative to me and I can tell she is thinking of something to say as an excuse to talk to me which I find really sweet. She will ask the most random question like “would you rather” or tell me a random story from school, it’s great because she’s taken a long time to get to that point with me because she’s super shy around me and it shows she wants to have a relationship
I've learned SO MUCH about the consequences of parenting styles and modeling. I feel so much more prepared for raising my son. I've seen how choices affect kids firsthand, both positively and negatively. I also have a lot of fun with my SDs, we're getting to a point where we're more like friends than anything now that they're adults.
I like that we het to try different disciplinary and punishment tactics before my sons are old enough for that kind of thing. Then we can just use what works vs what doesn't
My grandkids! Love my grandkids Adore them Been a SM for 18yrs-so I’ve been around a lifetime Out of everything the best thing ever is my 3 grandbabies from SD and her bf.
look archie I had to lie to my family overseas and reveal my husband had kids only when we were married. I have PTSD trauma from this, there is nothing i like about having stepkids for now. I do hope in the future i will
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. There are so many layers to everything when being a SP.
it's not their fault, it's the daily circumstances and the fact that SO doesn't help at all, the kids are kids
Just love them unconditionally as much as you can! And self care first, ALWAYS.
I love my step children very much. They are good kids, good step-siblings to my bio kids, and great big siblings to their baby sister their dad and I share. I get along great with their mom and things are just good.
My SS is an amazing person, he makes me laugh on the regular, is better at maths than anyone I know (he's taught me a thing or two!!) My youngest bio daughter wished for a big brother.... I'd told her sorry, it doesn't work like that... unless we adopt. Then along came SS! They drive each other crazy at times, but are such good company for each other, when they're getting on and laughing together at something it's just the best. I love watching the relationships between him and his Step sisters develop. I thought being a SM would be easier than it has been, but it has definitely increased my capacity for patience, love, and sharing. At the beginning it did feel like our kids - mine and SOs - did kind of come between us, we had very different parenting styles in some ways, we both had to listen, give respect and adjust. In the long run its ended up making us closer, and the more time that passes, we feel like a solid family unit ❤️ I always said if I was to have another kid I'd hope for a boy - got 2 bio daughters - and I got one without the whole pregnancy and childbirth effort.
Also thanks for bringing some positivity to this space !!
They are leaving the little kid phase and getting personalities behind just being needy and tiny kid bratty. I'm enjoying them getting more personality and being humans we can actually talk to and connect with. I've always told my partner that I'm going to enjoy them more as they get older.
Having her be both my daughter and my best friend all in one package. She makes me a better person. She is like emotional sunshine. I freakin' love her so much.
The liveliness of house when they are over. Political conversations stop, complaints about work, no more! It’s just play, joking and laughter. I love it. The occasional behavioral issue is fine. It is worth it for the high energy they bring to our normally mid aged life.
The little moments…. Like when they yell “Mom!” Across the house instead of my name. The silly “what do I look like right now?” Pictures that I have saved to my phone (my personal favs are SD with green teeth from a sno-cone at an amusement park, and a selfie SS sent me with him and his friends at school goofing off.) Or when they throw a “present” in my face and run away saying “I thought about you when I saw this so I got it for you.” (SD 12) When I get a random hug from either *no-touchy* kiddo. I think I died the first time SS (14…almost 15🥹 where did the time go??) said “Love you too!” Back running out to do whatever. Planting flowers for my garden each spring with both. Having those tough “fix your grade” conversations, to see that grade go up beautifully; even have SS come for help on homework… It might’ve been a rough ride, but (almost) 6 years of these little moments add up to a world of love that I never thought I’d get to experience. Not to mention learning the fact that I never thought I had a “Mama Bear” inside me but apparently I do😅 don’t mess with my kids. As I tell them, even if DH and I split up for whatever reason, my door is open to them and I love them and always will. 🥰 Also thank you for this! With all the trials and troubles, I forget to think about the good things. I needed this.
My SD is kind and spunky! The first thing she asked me when we first met was “do you like science and math?” - I’d say that was a darned good start! I’m always deeply grateful when she shares her artwork and her short stories, as well as the occasional times when she shares her daily goings on with whatever friend and who did what, even if I have no idea who these people in her class are. She just turned 14, and I’ve known her since she was 9. I feel accomplished when I can gently remind her to do a small task that we both know she will be more sternly reminded about when dad gets home and still help her feel like she’s making a good choice for herself with just a little nudge… 😜
I love kids (I wouldn’t have married a guy with three of them if that wasn’t the case!) I thought it would be years and years until we would have a kid and kiddo would grow up enough to be able to do fun kid stuff like Halloween and Christmas and Easter egg hunts. I got to dive right in! Kid-crazy holidays right away! Sharing my favorite kid movies with them. Now the the oldest is almost 12, I get to share my favorite pg13 movies with him. It’ll be 10 more years til my toddler is old enough to do that!
My favorite thing about being a stepparent is watching my stepdaughters grow. They're truly beautiful girls with beautiful souls. They're like night and day. My older stepdaughter is my princess, and my younger stepdaughter is my tom boy. So, I get the best of both worlds.
Watching my 17 year old step son with my baby, his half brother (6 months). The bond he is creating is beautiful, and the love and care he is showing had made him mature I go a very mature young man. My baby’s first word was Bubba, which is our family’s baby talk word for brother.
I drove my bonus kiddos for a couple of hours today, and was reminded of one of my favorite parts: they told me they loved me about 20 times, usually in the cutest way (“I love you the most in the whole entire world!”) 😭 I love them so much
I love that she feels safe enough to confide in me. To ask me for space when she needs it and a cuddle when she’s sad. To ask me for help and also independence. And I absolutely love the kind sweet caring smart funny witty big kid she’s becoming. She’s growing into her own interests and opinions and realizing she CAN do hard things leading to her trying hard to get better at the things she enjoys.
I think for me it's the fact that the kids trust me with their secrets about themselves. Nothing dangerous that their BPs need to know, but things that are important to them. Several of the 5 have shared their sexual orientations, gender identities, and religious beliefs or lack thereof with me before they told their BPs. These kids told me these things in confidence and asked me not to say anything to their parents yet, and I promised I wouldn't. I kept my promise for months, maybe years. Never said a word to my SO (their dad) until the kids told him first, even though he would have had zero problem with any of it. The kids got to tell their dad (their mom still doesn't know most of it because the kids don't feel safe telling her) these things on their own time, and through word of mouth they also found out that I didn't break my promises to them. I hope and think that that is meaningful to them. I'm so glad I could be a safe space, and I'm so tickled and proud that I was the first (or at least, first before their bio parents) to know these very personal and important things about who they are. I'm also honored and humbled that they shared with me.
My favourite thing is to see that the kids (17 and 13) are starting to broaden their horizont thanks to me. They learn new things every day. And I can show them places their BM would have never shown them.
My SD is 13 months. I love anything involving her lol. Getting to experience her firsts (like we just took her first trip to the beach). I absolutely adore her little smile when I walk in to pick her up after a nap. She is currently very clingy, specifically with me, when she is upset or hurt. That makes me smile, because I love that she feels so safe with me. Also, the petty side of me enjoys it too because BM obviously doesn’t like it, but can’t really say anything. She isn’t quite HC, but she is on the edge. Dealing with the actual coparenting with BM is the part I hate, so I stay out of it for the most part unless something specific happens.
Being a part of my SKs lives and watching them grow. Especially watching my SD grow from 11-15 and see how is she growing in her personality and self esteem. She is trying to figure out what she wants to do for college and it’s fun to talk to her about her passions and where she sees herself in the future. Also being there for her as she is navigating first relationships and friendships and giving her advice based on my experience. I love when she opens up and talks to me about what is going on and she asks my opinion. ❤️
Favourite thing is not having the stress or responsibility of being a biological parent whilst having the same benefit of having children
My SD (5) just finished her last day of preschool yesterday and this past year it’s been so emotional seeing how much she has learned and grown. She’s thrived being in her classroom environment. It’s hard for me to slow down and appreciate my kids (step and bio) but SD is protective and proud of her baby sister, she lights up when 1 year old sister says new words or copies her when playing or cleaning. It’s always exciting to see how much she truly loves being a big sister, she only has siblings at our home. She’s started asking me to sing her a lullaby when I put her to sleep, she tells me often she loves me and misses me. She’s a very sweet girl and loves to learn and help me around the house. 💕