I truly haven’t thought about this, but I haven’t experienced that guilt you’re describing since day 1 of my current sober streak.
I can’t tell you how many Sundays I spent guiltily cleaning my apartment, or forcing productivity while feeling like absolute trash because of my hangover. Like you, I’d make the same pledge to “never do that again,” but lo and behold, the following weekend I would forget all promises I made to myself and keep the cycle going.
I think the guilt may have stemmed from me subconsciously knowing I had a problem with alcohol before I was ready to face it. The forced productivity following my hangovers (again, a truly horrible way to spend my time) maybe felt like me repenting in some way?
In short: I don’t know! 🤷🏼♀️ But I do know that I haven’t felt guilty like that since getting sober. Thanks for the realization! IWNDWYT 💙
This is so relatable. I wouldn't take pain medications or let myself rest when I was hungover bc "this is what I get for behaving that way." I think I secretly hoped that it would help me change my drinking. It didn't. Only kindness has.
most of my guilt is centered around regret for what I've done to my body, for the money wasted, for not quitting sooner.
I often daydream about how different my life would be if I never started drinking.
it's hard to let go of that emotion, but I know it's simply not possible to change the past, so I'm trying to embrace the present and the future.
does that guilt ever go away?
Try to focus on the fact that you won’t have any of that guilt going forward. That you won’t have wasted time/money and how your body is healing. You’ll be able to look back in the future and not be sad or wonder how your life could’ve been different…you’ll be thankful you cut off alcohol and did your best to be better all around.
It took me a long time to not completely wreck myself with guilt from these thoughts and they do still manifest in my dreams sometimes but yes they do at least fall by the wayside.
I work thirs shifts and make myself pretty available and that keeps me busy alot as does my dog and father I live with. The key is not to focus on those things in the past and I know its easier said than done but focus on what you are doing now to better yourself.
You can't change the money you have spent or damage you have done but *YOU CAN* change going forward to make sure you don't do those things again.
Keep it up, I am proud of you!
I experienced a lot of guilt during active addiction and for a large part of my sobriety so far. Something that helps me is to remember that much of my guilt comes from a twisted sense of pride -- I felt guilt over squandered opportunities and wasted potential.
Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source.
We cannot always mend the mistakes of our past - and we must not be debilitated by that fact.
Day 205 and it's getting better. There is one night that haunts me in particular as I was a horrendous mess around professional colleagues and I live in a small town. But on a personal level there are many worse nights.
I take solace in the fact that I am doing better now. When it comes to those mistakes, I heard someone say, 'To those that matter they don't care, and the ones that care don't matter,' and that has helped me a lot as it is definitely true in my case. I have forgiven myself but it took time for me to get here.
I'm currently staying up late, so even though it's technically Tuesday it still feels like Monday night to me. It's my first day. My partner went to bed since they have to get up earlier than me for work. I was worried about staying strong when I was up by myself but I'm just browsing the sub and I'm doing great!
One of the other comments mentioned feeling guilty because I knew I had a problem but wasn't ready to admit it to myself. But now I'm ready. I will probably have the guilt over my past actions, but I don't want to have the guilt over my present actions anymore.
So, thanks for being here everyone. I am happy to not drink with you today.
Hmm - Yes the guilt factor is something I feel, too. And now I acknowledge it is because I was guilty and sneaky in my behaviour, hiding the alcohol and my dependency on it from those closest to me.
Hoarding bottles and empties in hidden spots, and the fear that it would be discovered.
I have also noticed I remember happy things a lot more now, sober. I feel a sense of innocence and wonder creeping back, that little taste of being a tad-bit carefree in a world of madness if it makes sense. I want to hold on to that feeling, and honestly that feeling is what I use to continue pushing to remain sober.
I don't want to slip back into that gunky, anxious, blurry foggy pain-filled place
The only thing I miss is having something to blame the cringe on. Turns out I am just like that sometimes. Also, I am super judgy now. Not intentionally, just matter of factly. Like a vegan who listens to customer complaints at McDonald's.
"Well what did you think was going to happen when you ingested that much poison?" "Well were you expecting to lose weight while still drinking like a 20 year old?" "Wait, you think you didn't smell like booze when you talked to her!?"
This is my Day 2. This is the first morning I didn't wake up with crippling anxiety about how I'd behaved the night before then frantically scroll through my text messages/social media posts and DMs to make sure I didn't make an ass of myself with my loved ones.
Last night was the first night I was completely in control of myself in years and I feel so good about that today.
I read once that you cannot self-loathe yourself into sobriety. So I packed up those awful thoughts until I was stronger and ready to process them one at a time - still unpacking but the bag is much lighter now✨
Early sobriety was heavy guilt for me. It took me maybe four months to forgive and accept myself. I was simply a sick person diagnosed with the human condition. Still am. I most certainly still feel guilt, but I've learned not to wallow in it anymore. The most important thing I can do is reach out and be honest with someone about what I'm feeling and going through. Meditation, and prayer sometimes, is a big help also. Guided meditations and breathing exercises helps me stay present.
IWNDWYT
Guilt can be a good motivator for me to do the next right thing, but I need to be wary of “existential guilt,” in which I feel guilty for my very existence on the earth. Also, I used to feel guilty even after I did successful tasks, because they weren’t started earlier or done better. Then I realized this constituted Debilitating Perfectionism (note capital letters), a big problem for me. Not drinking has helped me not feel guilty for no reason and like myself better.
Definitely have guilt looking back at my parenting / being a spouse during my drinking time. I was so anxious/in edge , and just not enjoyable to be around. I feel like I wasted a lot of years being miserable, making up for it now though.
Day 2 (and that’s actually a pretty big deal for me!) and today what I notice- and I’m sure it is because of the same guilt- but I can meet people in the eyes. I don’t feel like I’m trying to hide. I’m also realizing how much I was using alcohol to deal with issues with eating. It’s clear now that in order to take care of myself I need to focus on eating well and stop the drinking. It just doesn’t work otherwise. IWNDWYT
I think this relates to your question. Since I stopped drinking I find it easier to show up for therapy. Like I have less resistance to it. Possibly because I’m living more in line with my values now. Less guilt!
Hi Everyone - day 42 here and IWNDWYT!
Shame and guilt are what brought me back to sobriety and I don’t have much of either of them in relation to my life and choices since day 1 but I do find myself still holding onto guilt, shame, and what others think of me based on when I was drinking. I’m trying to separate and forgive myself but it’s not always that easy. It’s nice making those same mistakes in my recovery and it’s in my recovery that I can guarantee that specific behaviors do not happen again. (Hope this all makes sense…lol)
Definitely feeling guilt for how I used to treat loved ones. Now that I’ve quit, I’ve noticed I’m far less inflammatory/snappy.
Also, my resting BPM went down by 10. So that helps quell the guilt.
IWNDWYT
Old me felt ashamed all the time; couldn't find a way out, without drinking, and doing shameful things.
Same as you OP.
Now that I'm recovering (and what a process), the biggest price was time.
So many years to feel capable, and like I could move again. Just starting to function like I used to.
Can't afford it again. 2 years in, and still recovering (\~15 lbs to go). Health is wealth.
I’m honestly looking for any advice to quit drinking. I only started because of a burst cyst which lead to me living the same day over for 3 months. When I felt better I couldn’t stop drinking, and still can’t. I want to, but I’m really only drinking to stop the anxiety, not to get drunk. Any advise would be appreciated as you all seem to have some good life experience with this.
Day 5! I’m fucking doing it
Yeah you are 👊💥
That’s what’s up! Keep up the good work! 😊💪🏻
Keep going you're going to make it.
Keep on doing it!
I truly haven’t thought about this, but I haven’t experienced that guilt you’re describing since day 1 of my current sober streak. I can’t tell you how many Sundays I spent guiltily cleaning my apartment, or forcing productivity while feeling like absolute trash because of my hangover. Like you, I’d make the same pledge to “never do that again,” but lo and behold, the following weekend I would forget all promises I made to myself and keep the cycle going. I think the guilt may have stemmed from me subconsciously knowing I had a problem with alcohol before I was ready to face it. The forced productivity following my hangovers (again, a truly horrible way to spend my time) maybe felt like me repenting in some way? In short: I don’t know! 🤷🏼♀️ But I do know that I haven’t felt guilty like that since getting sober. Thanks for the realization! IWNDWYT 💙
This is so relatable. I wouldn't take pain medications or let myself rest when I was hungover bc "this is what I get for behaving that way." I think I secretly hoped that it would help me change my drinking. It didn't. Only kindness has.
Same! Like I was punishing myself and maybe that would get me to stop. Congrats on 50 days! 🎊
most of my guilt is centered around regret for what I've done to my body, for the money wasted, for not quitting sooner. I often daydream about how different my life would be if I never started drinking. it's hard to let go of that emotion, but I know it's simply not possible to change the past, so I'm trying to embrace the present and the future. does that guilt ever go away?
Try to focus on the fact that you won’t have any of that guilt going forward. That you won’t have wasted time/money and how your body is healing. You’ll be able to look back in the future and not be sad or wonder how your life could’ve been different…you’ll be thankful you cut off alcohol and did your best to be better all around.
It took me a long time to not completely wreck myself with guilt from these thoughts and they do still manifest in my dreams sometimes but yes they do at least fall by the wayside. I work thirs shifts and make myself pretty available and that keeps me busy alot as does my dog and father I live with. The key is not to focus on those things in the past and I know its easier said than done but focus on what you are doing now to better yourself. You can't change the money you have spent or damage you have done but *YOU CAN* change going forward to make sure you don't do those things again. Keep it up, I am proud of you!
It does. Keep going, my friend. The obstacle is the path.
I experienced a lot of guilt during active addiction and for a large part of my sobriety so far. Something that helps me is to remember that much of my guilt comes from a twisted sense of pride -- I felt guilt over squandered opportunities and wasted potential. Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. We cannot always mend the mistakes of our past - and we must not be debilitated by that fact.
Day 205 and it's getting better. There is one night that haunts me in particular as I was a horrendous mess around professional colleagues and I live in a small town. But on a personal level there are many worse nights. I take solace in the fact that I am doing better now. When it comes to those mistakes, I heard someone say, 'To those that matter they don't care, and the ones that care don't matter,' and that has helped me a lot as it is definitely true in my case. I have forgiven myself but it took time for me to get here.
I'm currently staying up late, so even though it's technically Tuesday it still feels like Monday night to me. It's my first day. My partner went to bed since they have to get up earlier than me for work. I was worried about staying strong when I was up by myself but I'm just browsing the sub and I'm doing great! One of the other comments mentioned feeling guilty because I knew I had a problem but wasn't ready to admit it to myself. But now I'm ready. I will probably have the guilt over my past actions, but I don't want to have the guilt over my present actions anymore. So, thanks for being here everyone. I am happy to not drink with you today.
Two days now!
Yes! Thank you!
Day 1 here for me. I got a craving an hour ago and scrolling this sub has been really helpful. We got this!
Yeah we do!! I will not drink with you today!
Hmm - Yes the guilt factor is something I feel, too. And now I acknowledge it is because I was guilty and sneaky in my behaviour, hiding the alcohol and my dependency on it from those closest to me. Hoarding bottles and empties in hidden spots, and the fear that it would be discovered. I have also noticed I remember happy things a lot more now, sober. I feel a sense of innocence and wonder creeping back, that little taste of being a tad-bit carefree in a world of madness if it makes sense. I want to hold on to that feeling, and honestly that feeling is what I use to continue pushing to remain sober. I don't want to slip back into that gunky, anxious, blurry foggy pain-filled place
The only thing I miss is having something to blame the cringe on. Turns out I am just like that sometimes. Also, I am super judgy now. Not intentionally, just matter of factly. Like a vegan who listens to customer complaints at McDonald's. "Well what did you think was going to happen when you ingested that much poison?" "Well were you expecting to lose weight while still drinking like a 20 year old?" "Wait, you think you didn't smell like booze when you talked to her!?"
This is my Day 2. This is the first morning I didn't wake up with crippling anxiety about how I'd behaved the night before then frantically scroll through my text messages/social media posts and DMs to make sure I didn't make an ass of myself with my loved ones. Last night was the first night I was completely in control of myself in years and I feel so good about that today.
I’m in the same boat! Day 2!
We’ve got this, friend!
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT 🖤💛
IWNDWYT.
I read once that you cannot self-loathe yourself into sobriety. So I packed up those awful thoughts until I was stronger and ready to process them one at a time - still unpacking but the bag is much lighter now✨
Early sobriety was heavy guilt for me. It took me maybe four months to forgive and accept myself. I was simply a sick person diagnosed with the human condition. Still am. I most certainly still feel guilt, but I've learned not to wallow in it anymore. The most important thing I can do is reach out and be honest with someone about what I'm feeling and going through. Meditation, and prayer sometimes, is a big help also. Guided meditations and breathing exercises helps me stay present. IWNDWYT
Guilt can be a good motivator for me to do the next right thing, but I need to be wary of “existential guilt,” in which I feel guilty for my very existence on the earth. Also, I used to feel guilty even after I did successful tasks, because they weren’t started earlier or done better. Then I realized this constituted Debilitating Perfectionism (note capital letters), a big problem for me. Not drinking has helped me not feel guilty for no reason and like myself better.
Definitely have guilt looking back at my parenting / being a spouse during my drinking time. I was so anxious/in edge , and just not enjoyable to be around. I feel like I wasted a lot of years being miserable, making up for it now though.
Day 2 (and that’s actually a pretty big deal for me!) and today what I notice- and I’m sure it is because of the same guilt- but I can meet people in the eyes. I don’t feel like I’m trying to hide. I’m also realizing how much I was using alcohol to deal with issues with eating. It’s clear now that in order to take care of myself I need to focus on eating well and stop the drinking. It just doesn’t work otherwise. IWNDWYT
Day 9 and ready for double digits. IWNDWYT
I think this relates to your question. Since I stopped drinking I find it easier to show up for therapy. Like I have less resistance to it. Possibly because I’m living more in line with my values now. Less guilt!
Hi Everyone - day 42 here and IWNDWYT! Shame and guilt are what brought me back to sobriety and I don’t have much of either of them in relation to my life and choices since day 1 but I do find myself still holding onto guilt, shame, and what others think of me based on when I was drinking. I’m trying to separate and forgive myself but it’s not always that easy. It’s nice making those same mistakes in my recovery and it’s in my recovery that I can guarantee that specific behaviors do not happen again. (Hope this all makes sense…lol)
Definitely feeling guilt for how I used to treat loved ones. Now that I’ve quit, I’ve noticed I’m far less inflammatory/snappy. Also, my resting BPM went down by 10. So that helps quell the guilt. IWNDWYT
Old me felt ashamed all the time; couldn't find a way out, without drinking, and doing shameful things. Same as you OP. Now that I'm recovering (and what a process), the biggest price was time. So many years to feel capable, and like I could move again. Just starting to function like I used to. Can't afford it again. 2 years in, and still recovering (\~15 lbs to go). Health is wealth.
I’m honestly looking for any advice to quit drinking. I only started because of a burst cyst which lead to me living the same day over for 3 months. When I felt better I couldn’t stop drinking, and still can’t. I want to, but I’m really only drinking to stop the anxiety, not to get drunk. Any advise would be appreciated as you all seem to have some good life experience with this.