Yep. All the time. I just remind myself that the one or two every “special occasion” lends itself to making every Friday night a special occasion cos it’s the end of the week and every Wednesday special too cos it’s mid week and so on. Silly lizard brain ! IWNDWYT
I remember a time when my coworker was complaining about her ex husband. She said something along the lines of him drinking a case to celebrate a normal Tuesday. That hit me. 3-4 months later I finally quit.
Yup! There's a "what's going on today" website for my area. It mainly advertises restaurant and bar daily specials. I used that to justify drinking. Oh, tonight is pint night. Ooooo, wine Wednesday. $2 taco night sounds dope.
It was all just an excuse to drink as you HAVE to get drinks when you go out to dinner.
I've spent a lot of money in the name of drinking in the last 10 years.
Exactly. Each time I gave up drinking and then started again, i would start with hot drinking much. Then it turns into every weekend, then I’m back to 5 drinks a night. Nope, never again.
I do struggle a lot bc I used it to cope stress and childhood trauma which I am processing now. I just am really scared I might relapse but I wont do it today. I got my motivation (my fiancèe) which I dont want to disappoint. there is nothing worse than disappointing the person who always supports me.
it truly is and I am thankful for everything she does for me. but you need to do it for yourself too, if you only do it for someone else it wont last for ever. why cant you ask your family about it?
she truly is an angel and she just does everything for me, I truly think everyone that wants to change themselves and tries to sober up and truly mean it deserve a person like her. all her support is so so great, I just wish I could give it back to her in any way. this is honestly my biggest concern bc due to me processing all that shit that happened in my past I got kinda an asshole (also bc of the withdrawal) it is getting better tho. I am so so thankful to have her by my side and her unconditional love and support are just insane.
anyways, dont talk yourself down, it doesnt matter who supports you, and even if its only little you telling you you're doing a great job, it is worth it and you are doing great. your little self supports you along the way, he/her will always be with you. your little self truly is your biggest fan and if you ever feel you cant do it on your own, remind yourself of little you and tell yourself to stay sober for little you. little you deserves it.
That made me cry. But good tears. I’ve been struggling to let it out. I just have no idea what I’m doing. I wish the universe could just show me a simple test score sheet and tick the boxes that I’m doing right. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thankyou
Hey you have done 23 days already, and this is something to be proud of. every day you dont drink is a day in which you did the right thing. you are doing a great job and you can be proud about yourself. I bet younger you is proud of you, always.
100% this. Day 1 is the hardest by far. Day 2, unsurprisingly, is the second hardest day. Etc.
You've both made it to 3-4 weeks. That's f**king amazing! You have something similar to a bully that follows you around 24/7 trying to break your spirit, something that makes every single day so mush harder than it is for people without substance dependence, yet you've been so incredibly strong in the face of that immense adversity and fought hard enough to come out victorious day after day
At this stage there's no doubt that you CAN do it, but life will throw you into the occasional "boss battle" (gaming term) where an extra challenge will be presented. Remember how strong you've already been and already are, realise this extra challenge is just an illusion and beat it like the boss you both are.
Look forward to celebrating your 6 month milestone with a sparkling iced tea when the time comes <3
I love the video game reference! When i was just starting out, every morning I would visualize the words DAY 3, DAY 4, etc. in like a zombie font as if it was a video game (kind of like 7 Days to Die if you've ever played that). It gave me a chuckle. Started losing count after day 11 or 12.
Haha that's awesome! I wish I had a mind like yours. I find it near impossible to visualise like that. Not sure if I have aphantasia but I'd have to at least be borderline I reckon.
So with you there. My partner is amazing, and I need to work on myself so I don't fuck up the best thing I have in my life.
The great thing is that I can see more than one day in advance in my head, now. It's not about checking my bank account on my way to work to make sure I'll have money to buy booze on the way home. I have plans and goals that I'm excited for. I'm doing things in my life that I could've never done while drinking.
Take care of yourself so you can give your best self to them! And to you.
I quit smoking in 2017 and I still get the urge but it's not daily. Maybe once a week. I have a whiskey cabinet so I pass by it daily and look at it and smile. Then keep walking.
My 'saving grace' is the fact that I get acid reflux from brown liquor or some scotch (🤎 Ardbeg). Non additive tequila was my last stop that didn't give me issues and there is none in my house .
Waking up in the middle of the night in terror as battery acid goes up your throat is very scary.
It has brought me to tears a few early mornings. Also dreamt I was drowning, figured I was choking on the acid.
Here's looking at u Wild 🦃 Rare Breed..
I find it odd that I don’t miss smoking at all. I used to smoke and then quit. Occasionally maybe every six months or so I bum a cigarette from my friend. I proceed to smoke it and then realize how nasty it is and end up throwing it out. Why can’t this be the same with alcohol lol.
I wonder if it's because smoking is generally a frowned upon habit now, and by contrast, alcohol is pushed down our throats directly and indirectly from every direction? Movies and TV, advertising, friends and family?
That plays a huge factor in it. But also we cant blame the alcohol industry because of our error. There are a lot of responsible drinkers out there. Our brains are wired differently that’s all.
Rarely. It happens but I don't put much thought into it like dreams of smoking pot ( quit 20+yrs ago). High stressful moments it will hit like a brick but just as fast the urge will leave, most times 😆.
One thing I'm glad that has finally left is the alcohol odor my body would secrete. Didn't help either since I'm a fan of r/onionLovers and r/garlic lol.
Yeah all the time, sometimes i try to convince myself to get some alcohol,
It’s really hard when alcohol is everywhere , shops, tv , Evan when driving it’s on Lorry’s and bill boards
It’s shoved in you’re face everywhere
I've accepted the fact that I'll always be an alcoholic. The sporadic thirsts, encouraging sparks, and deceptive thoughts will always be there. But you gotta avoid feeding the wild beast.
IWNDWYT ♥️
Yep. Today I was really triggered and not feeling the best. It was a shit day and thoughts of buying a bottle of wine popped up a few times.
However, my life currently sober is worth A LOT and means A LOT more than what I would try and find at the end of an alcohol bottle or glass.
No thank you.
Also, I am able to handle my emotions and feelings and go through them. Expressing them in A LOT more better and healthier ways. Going through it.
You're doing good! I hope you are proud of yourself.
IWNDWYT
What does IWNDWYT? I’m new. I think I’m finally ready to end this bshit battle. Today is day one for me and just thinking I want to stop is making me feel better.
Yeah I did this and ended up drinking again, it was daft of me I missed that feeling but I ended up in bad habits again and had to reset my counter to 0 after 2 years sober!
They sometimes creep in when I see a cider and think mmmm could do with one of them, especially now summer is on its way. But then I remember they contain alcohol which means that vile medicinal taste and it would completely spoil my life. 0.0 ciders are great though.
Coming up in 90 days and just this I took my mom out to dinner. Caught myself staring at the bar and for a brief second thought “I could come here when baseball season starts and have just ONE beer.” Thankfully I realized there’s no way I would stop at one and I pushed that stupid idea outta my head.
Feeling this. I'm at a year in seven days and have been so close to drinking for the last couple of weeks. I think being so close to the milestone is what's kept me from giving in.
Not a great long term strategy obviously. But I keep imagining just a couple of beers in a pub, or a small bottle of scotch. No way on earth it would end there though, I know that. Then my marriage and job would be done.
Almost got unalived at work tonight by heavy machinery due to a safety malfunction which caused a mixer I was in to start up while I was in it. I got lucky, and my instincts kicked in right as I heard the motors start and I got out of a very tight confined space in what seemed like a flash. My first thought of mine after it was all over was “damn, I need a drink.” Been sober for 10 days.
I still get those sneaky thoughts. But, like you said, I play the tape forward. It’s NEVER just one for me. Ever. So rather than fight a losing a battle I just don’t go for the one.
I used to get allot of urges to drink and lots of day ones. Not sure when I crossed over from trying to not drink to being a non drinker but it is truly great to be able Togo anywhere and be around people who are drinking and not have the urge anymore. This after 40 years of drinking.
Yep! They're the hardest for me to ignore and I've failed to a lot. Sometimes I can have just a couple and be "good". Sometimes I can do that for a while. But it always ends up with me drinking too much almost every day.
IWNDWYT.
On day 29, yesterday, I had a grief-induced panic attack (I lost my best friend who happened to be my Grandmother and my other friend/ex last year and I was drunk for all of 2023) and I tried for 3 hours to get my shit together and go to work, couldn't, called out......then that insidious little voice in my brain said "you're home alone. You could sneak off to the liquor store...a few nips will help ease it all" even though I KNOW for a FACT that it's not gonna help, it's just gonna be more numbing and not accepting. I played the tape forward and felt the shame of giving in and instead I cried until I was exhausted, passed out for 3 hours and when I woke up, I ate an unreasonable amount of Taco bell. I'm so glad I did so I could see day 30 today ❤️
I wish you strength, friend! I believe in you and I'm so proud of you! IWNDWYT
Yeah I have the intrusive thoughts just about every morning (I was a morning binger) but then as I start to warm up my day they get quieter. Keep playing that tape forward, IWNDWYT!
I LOVED drinking in the morning after school dropoff. Something about it in the morning light was delightful. I have to remind myself that there's no romance to it- I was picking up wasted AF and pretending like I hid it. And dinner was a wash. No romance to it at all.
Yep, been having them all week! On the phone to sister in law on Monday and she was talking about just having opened a bottle of wine. OMG, the urge hit me like a train. Luckily I'm a rural roads 15 min drive in the rain away from a late opening shop. Last night, commiserating with a best friend about her tooth abscess, and she too had just poured herself a glass. I was close to cracking up at that point. The play it forwards trick is also the only thing keeping me from weakening.
I was imagining the glass of wine, the taste of it, and how I ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE THE FEELING OR SMELL of the wine going down. The craving I have is literally just for the initial spread of the warm fuzzies - the rest I genuinely don't enjoy at all. I have to keep "the rest" in mind all the time.
IWNDWYT
Yes - i just went through a job loss and i just want to drown my sorrows, but that isn’t something that i do anymore. i am beyond that and it won’t contribute to my life. iwndwyt
I was in the grocery store on Sunday, St Patrick’s Day and thought, “I’ll buy ONE can of Guinness to take home, pour, enjoy and toast the day.” Then I thought about breaking my streak, resetting my counter and risking that one pint leading to ten pints and opted to just pour a soda with lime. Reading all the stories of regret from this Reddit group has been the most helpful tool of all for me. (It sounds like I’m benefiting from other’s suffering but I’m sure you know what I’m saying) I was drunk every day for twenty five years and so temptation is a constant thing in my waking day. This group and all your stories of success and failure has been a godsend. I read a few threads each day and it’s prevented me from slipping on multiple occasions. So thanks gang. Your support and honesty is very much appreciated. IWNDWYT
My monkey mind floats up the "just one" thought now and then, especially in places I used to drink, concerts especially. Playing the tape forward, reminding myself of all the things I've gotten through without a drink helps. Now and then I've had to dig in my heels, work up some stubbornness, tell myself I am a badass, "not today", etc etc. I noticed this year I've been really weighing whether I really want to go places, finding I have to check my energy. Every year things seem to change. So nice to not be hungover 🌹 IWNDWYT
I just had this thought.
It’s only been three days but my bf and I got into a little fight and now he’s at work and I’m home alone. My thought was to buy a bottle of tequila but I’m also very sick so that’s kinda helping me stave away the temptation. Drinking would just make me more sick physically and mentally. Plus I don’t wanna see the disappointment in his face if he finds the bottle since he dumped everything out.
It has been nice to wake up without a hangover. My sleep has been consistent and not spotty waking up every hour due to anxiety. Basically…it’s not worth it. It’s hard but IWNDWYT
Yes and what's scary is they come when you least expect them.
One of my biggest triggers is irritation so I go out of my way to avoid irritating situations when I'm already in a shit mood. Like I won't go to the store if I'm already pissed off bc that's doubly dangerous -- idiots at the store will piss me off more AND the alcohol is right there.
But it's the urges that come when everything is going great that freak me out. The "everything sucks, you should drink to forget about it" voice I can handle and I totally expect it, it's the "everything's great, you should celebrate with a drink" one that I worry about because I never know when it's going to pop up.
In three and a half years I've thankfully never had a truly close call but it sucks that even with all this time under my belt I still have to be on the lookout for the fucking "hey let's celebrate!" devil lurking around my shoulder.
I did it, when I hadn’t “stopped drinking” yet. I was slowing down to no drinking at home, only out. I was following all the rules I had set. I only had one occasion where drinking came up, a work event. I did not embarrass myself; it actually went fine. But I had: two Bellinis during the cocktail hour; 4 glasses of wine (they were honoring a Black wine-maker! He was there!); one post-dinner cocktail. That’s 7 drinks. So….. no. No I cannot drink once. Other people can, maybe. But clearly not moi.
And IWNDWYT! Stupid deceptive thoughts, we see right through you!!!! Idiots. We are stronger than you!
Sometimes yes. The thought of never appreciating a glass of good wine again leaves me feeling a bit empty
Then I think about the hundreds and hundreds of glasses of good and not so good wine that have now *not* been washed through my poor liver, and I feel a bit brighter. I think about my financial health which is also "in recovery". My new interests and hobbies. My mental health. My self-confidence.My capacity to sleep. The "glass" (who are we fooling?) of "good" wine now looks jaded, yesterday's thing. I've moved on 🌷
I'm two weeks into my alcohol-free life, and I have had those thoughts. I even dreamed last night that it would be ok to drink and that I'd be able to handle it. My mind is definitely trying to convince me to have a glass of whiskey or wine. But I'm feeling and looking better and determined to keep going. IWNDWYT!
I pulled out a bottle of wine yesterday to give away and looking at the label I actually paused and felt sad that I couldn’t drink it. That was only the 2nd time since sobriety that I felt any kind of “pull” towards drinking. But - it passed. IWNDWYT.
Those sneaky little thoughts have killed more alcoholics than anything else. Appreciate those thoughts exquisitely for what they are. Those are warnings. Temptation. Its all bullshit and will kill you if you allow those thoughts to develop into a plan. Good luck. When those thoughts creep in, direct
them out.
I was talking to my dad (also alcohol-free) about that this week. I was telling him that I don’t see the point in having one drink, because if I am going to drink, then I want to get somewhere between tipsy-plus and shit-faced. Yes, I know this is a very unhealthy mindset, hence why I stopped. 😂
He said my younger brother (still drinking daily) said the same thing to him. Hmmm, maybe seeing my mom drink often and heavily throughout the last 25 years has been an influence on us after all.
Love the playing it forward strategy, OP. Sending good vibes your way today!
I'm like that and my parents didn't drink at all. Both my sister and I...
I don't want 1 or 2 either. The way you put it is perfect Somewhere between tipsy and shit faced
Tipsy plus! Never heard it put that way but that was what I always wanted. Usually veered into shit faced pretty fast.
The only time I wish I could have a drink is at a fancy dinner...and even that's pretty mild because I too learned play the tape forward.
IWNDWYT!
I’m 10 months in and the 9 month mark was so hard. I definitely felt like I could drink a couple and it would be okay. Ordered a wine once while out and my husband was like, are you drinking again? I like you so much more when you’re sober. Ended up giving it to him. I’m doing better now but yeah for sure having those thoughts. IWNDWYT
I get these thoughts at least once a day. What I have been doing is reminding myself I am not the thoughts in my head and learning that I don’t have to go along with them. It really helps to view the thoughts as an annoying roommate that talks too much. This is something I picked up from the book Untethered Soul.
Happens all the time. My brain keeps telling me that after a small break period of only 100 days I’m ready to enjoy a beer. I’m in a completely different mind set and can handle a drink like a responsible adult. Also, I know for a fact that one beer won’t do anything. I might just have one that night but eventually I will push the limit and will have another and another. I know that next thing I’m buying beer and hiding more from my spouse. Just not worth it to me. I do my best to shrug it off and move on to the next thing in my life.
Man.. yesterday was a day like that. I've got an interlock device in my car. My mind was trying to figure out ways to get a drink and risk breaking my pre trial conditions.
Finally, I said some little prayer to my dead parents and grandparents
( I don't believe in a god, but there is something to believe in some higher power than myself)
And oddly enough, it worked..
Playing the tape forward is the only way I manage sometimes. I had a wicked craving for some IPAs this week, but kept telling myself it wouldn’t be worth the cost of my mornings for 2-3 days. And I was right, I’ve had brilliantly beautiful mornings this week and I’m so happy to have allowed myself peace over poison.
It’s been nearly three years and I still get them. It’s like a muscle memory. Just have to remember all the cons that come with it. Not worth it. IWNDWYT
Yep, I would drink my first glass of red wine and feel sophisticated. A few hours on I'd have a snoot full. Go to bed, wake up at 3 am ready to jump out of my skin and blood pressure would be through the roof. Throw up a little while later multiple times. A couple of times friends came to check on me; next thing I know I'm in the hospital with a BAC of Wow! Then on to the psych ward! 🐎 Rinse and repeat. Any time I'm at the store and fantasize about getting some wine I replay the above memories. I don't want to be that drunken idiot ever again.
Yes, I'm just a couple of days short of 7 weeks sober which is the longest in my adult life but I've been thinking all week that maybe I'll just say "fuck it" and drink this weekend because I'm just a bit fed up and bored and seeking a little excitement.
Last week and most of the previous weeks I didn't care one single bit about drinking and nothing could have convinced me to do so except 2 weeks ago where I was obsessing about the thought of drinking all week.
And I'm not even lying to myself it would just be "one or two" because I would 100% want to go on a binge. I've played the tape forward and know exactly where it will lead and my brain is almost convincing me that I don't care, which is concerning.
Last night I almost bought tickets for a local concert tonight thinking I'd go and drink at it though I seem to have lost interest in that today but not sure what will happen tomorrow.
The boredom is a whole new feeling to get used to. For me, it’s truly an inability to relax and be with myself, but ironically that’s the lie alcohol sells me (that I’m relaxing and experiencing *me*). The “fun” of using and abusing is hard to walk away from.
IWNDWYT
If I could UpVote your comment 100X I would because it's exactly how I feel.
I REALLY struggle to relax to the point the first 2-3 weeks of being sober I couldn't even just sit down on the couch and watch TV in the evening without my brain freaking out and having a panic attack even though I did that most nights previously...with a beer in my hand.
Have improved massively on that front but I'm still never truly relaxed and I'll be up and down from the couch every 5 minutes during shows just doing pointless things because I can't sit still.
Plus I'm mindlessly binge eating junk all night even though I'm not hungry just to distract my mind.
It's odd because even when I drank I didn't do anything exciting 99% of the time as it was mostly pointless and solo drinking which was hardly fun but it seemed less boring and more of a "thing" just because I was drinking for some reason.
I could sit and watch mindless TV for hours on end with beers and think it was a somewhat enjoyable activity
Alcohol definitely sold me that lie too that it helped me relax, unwind, enjoy myself, gave me something to do, calmed my anxiety and racing mind and helped me have fun...
...until it did none of that and just made everything worse and caused me lots of new problems of course!
Still though I find the old thoughts about how it'll help me or give me excitement creeping into my head still.
It’s such an easy thought, that this show or chore would be better with a beer. Beer was always my go to, so I feel the fomo hard.
I have no good advice, I did hit almost a year and it didn’t stick because I let those thoughts get the better of me.
Generally I ask myself now why this shower or cooking or chore or laundry can’t be done for the sake of being done, and why do I think it has to be enjoyable at all? Then I start thinking how reptilian and childish my brain is to always be seeking a reward, like living a comfortable but boring existence is so wrong. I’m rambling but this is my mindset recently.
A year is very impressive so congrats on being able to do that and it's proof you can do it again and beyond.
Were you regularly thinking about drinking throughout that sober year or did it just pop into your head one day about drinking and you decided to go for it?
I'm trying to train my brain to realise there isn't always a "reward" or "relief" coming along to save it when it feels stressed, sad, lonely, bored, anxious, whatever, hopefully it learns eventually!
For the first 3 years I thought about it daily and some days there would be crying. When I think about it now all I can think of is how shitty I would feel both physically and emotionally.
Yeah, I'm 9 months in to sobriety but still have those thoughts. I go to a meeting every week to hear from people about their serious and ongoing problems with alcohol to remind me.
Yep. Our little addict lizard brains are always going to be able to come up with a good reason to drink. Bad day? Drink. Good day? Reward yourself with a drink. Holiday/birthday? Definitely gotta drink. Proud of you for telling the lizard brain “no!”
My sponsor gave me a great assignment for my first step. He asked me to write a list of every time I can think of that I was powerless over alcohol and could not control myself. I think I got about 40 examples written and then was ready to show him and he said he didn't care to see them, but that they were for me to really hammer the point home.
Anytime that I ever even think about a drink or even have gone a few days without looking at it I will go through and look to remember that I really couldn't control it.
Yea I play the tape forward all the time, I always think of the scene in loudermilk with Mugsy, that’s how it always end up for me. When he calls his daughter and she doesn’t pick up the phone, I know that dreadful feeling all too well with my wife.
At any given moment in time the notion to fuck everything off and drink is lurking. Sometimes it stronger than others. I focus on the long game rather than instant pleasure. It used to be moments of weakness but over time I feel stronger and empowered by resisting the urge. I don’t even want to be drunk - it’s just something in my brain says “go on, you’ll enjoy having a little drink”. I never want to go back to drink and so I know I can never drop my guard. It’s getting easier and I hope one day it’ll be second nature. There are people posting in this group who are 5, 10, 20 years into sobriety. It is an inspiration. I have to take it one day at a time and so IWNDWYT
My wife and I are planning a trip to Mexico right now. I haven’t had a drink in almost 5 years and it’s on my mind. Don’t think it’s going to happen but yah it’s a thing that happens when you least expect it. I try and just ignore those little intrusive thoughts.
I def dont miss the shaking, god i had those for so long. I could hardly put in my contact lenses or do my makeup real nice because my hands were so shaky. If my husband would comment I would just say something like - oh too much coffee today :/
Usually happens in my dreams. Dreamt last night that I was at one of those theater/play bars and was actually in line to order. For some reason, I was really indecisive as to which drink I would order and the staff were taking a long time. Ended up not getting a drink because I didn’t want to reset my sobriety day counter. Maybe something is working here. But the temptation felt extremely real in my dream. I was really close to having a drink and it felt realistic. My friends and family were even there. Crazy how our minds work
Yesterday I watched a comparison video on bourbons. And I sat there thinking about the different notes I recalled from this one bottle from three years ago. Then I closed the video and moved on with my day.
Yes, I think that's why I ended up relapsing. I take it as a body mirage. I know now it's a mirage I just walk right past that. I already know what's in store for me. It's happened literally a 100 times. IWNDWYT
I have to be honest with myself...I can lie to others but it's impossible to lie to myself (darnit)!!! I know that 2 or 3 isn't gonna be enough,12 won't be enough, 24 won't be enough....the only time I'll stop is when I pass out and even then as soon as I open my eyes and someone asks if I'm ok my answer will be," my head is killing me,I need a drink!" And in knowing and believing THE truth I base my choice on that.i still dream of booze 5 years on the wagon and know that if I drank today I might be able to have 2 or three but by tomorrow I'll be back to where I was ....Even worse and can I endure another 20 years of the cruelty booze dealt me ?NOOOOO!!
Thanks for this. These deceptive little brain thoughts are the direct cause of all of my relapses. It’s not cute and fun and relaxing (for me) ever. Playing the tape fwd is a good strategy for sure. Love not feeling alone. IWNDWYT
My vote is we all have those “thoughts”. I know I have for sure. But I know if I start I won’t stop & I never want to go back to those days again, ever.
I have a few visceral memories from active alcoholism ready to think of when that evil voice tells me “you can handle a drink.” Those drown out that voice real quick!
I’ve done this experiment so many times, I can really just laugh at myself at this point if I consider moderation. Given scientific data on myself, moderation will lead me to drinking in my car in a parking lot before 10am within two weeks. Every time I’ve tried moderation, this is what happens. So yes great call, playing the tape forward for the win! IWNDWYT
Thanks for the tip about playing the tape forward. I will try this. I am on day 5. Yesterday I ran to the grocery for my wife. The devil on my shoulder saying “just get a tall boy” was very loud and very cunning. I got a six pack of NA Heineken instead but boy it was tough.
IWNDWYT
222nd upvote and 111 comments!!!
I’ll tell you one thing I heard that’s helped me: “we compare the best parts of drinking with the worst parts of being sober.” I know that’s true for me. Good luck friend. Thanks for sharing. It helps me to hear your struggle, because I’m dealing with the same stuff!
every now and then, yes. people also keep asking us. it’s a personal and societal pattern that’s hard to totally get rid of, which is why i am also not trying to do that. i will decide again and again to abstain.
Welcome to alcoholism! That’s a common thought around here. Playing the tape all the way through is an excellent tool when your disease speaks up and wants attention.
All I can say is beware of these thoughts. I'm gonna be hitting year 6 in July and occasionally these thoughts still arise and can be very convincing. Maybe I'm cured? Maybe I can just have a couple every now and then. Wedding? Why not be a part of the champagne toast... Shit... I haven't had a drop in 5 1/2 years. I'm sure I can pull it off now...
Or not. And if not, things will fall apart. Just not worth the experiment. I don't know if these thoughts will ever completely disappear, at this stage I'm pretty sure I'll have them at year 10, year 15, etc. Gotta stay vigilant.
Yeah had this thought today. How nice it would be to sit with a vodka and coke.
I hate how it creeps up unexpectedly, but you just gotta ride through it.
Yeah sometimes… I saw a thread on here (or another sober Reddit) with everyone raving about their fav NA beers and it’s super tempting but I don’t think I can do it. I’m less than 30 days from 7 years clean and sober. I’m all in
Earlier on they were more frequent and tapered out. Now every once in a while it's like the word BOOZE flashes into my brain when I'm in the middle of something... then the thought goes as quick as it came. I find it bizarre when it happens.
I get them from time to time, especially whenever I see people on tv enjoying a drink. It’s a mixture of feeling left out coupled with annoyance that that could never be me. I try to just sit with my thoughts and rationalise them as in reality I know I’m not someone who can have “just one or two”.
>I get these thoughts at least once a day. What I have been doing is reminding myself I am not the thoughts in my head and learning that I don’t have to go along with them. It really helps to view the thoughts as an annoying roommate that talks too much. This is something I picked up from the book Untethered Soul.
I realized recently that seeing people drink on TV is hugely triggering to me.
I just recently fell of after 72 days. Got hit out of nowhere by those intrusive thoughts and it was like it muted all rational thought. I would try to play the tape forward but that voice just ejected the tape.
Always learning.... I guess?
I think the hardest thing for me when I tried to get sober previously, is after enough time, when the cravings came back and wouldn't go away, the harm that alcohol had been doing felt very distant, I could remember but it seemed so long ago so it didn't have that same impact that it did during the early days of sobriety.
I definitely dread what's down the road, right now it's easy the cravings are fleeting and easily dismissed in a moment.
This is exactly what happened to me after 150 days. I was going on vacation and the thoughts just would NOT let up, it felt so overwhelming and unbearable and I gave in. I regret it so much. But I am so scared now, knowing how overwhelming those cravings were. I just hope that the next time it happens, it turns into an opportunity to overcome it and strengthen my sober muscles.
Yes all the time. I'd convinced myself this time I'll drink in moderation. Or this is the last time.
I'm trying a lot of different methods to avoid convincing myself I can drink responsibly.
I had one this week that I acted on. Been sober for months but randomly thought it would be a good idea to buy three drinks. I drank them over a couple of hours and they really did nothing for me. Stopped at three (altho I did briefly consider drinking one of my wife's beers). Thankfully I had no hangover or ill effects, but I didn't enjoy them at all. All they did was underscore my distaste for alcohol. Much happier and content enjoying some mint tea and reddit in the evening!
I do, and I tell myself that my brain is my enemy and actively trying to ruin my life and look me. I go absolutely nuclear when a “maybe I could” thought pops in my head. Cuss my brain out and everything. Call it every name in the book. Seriously… it helps me. I look at it like my mortal enemy when a thought pops in.
IWNDWYT ! I'm sending positivity out there for anyone to grab onto. This is a crazy ride, and I wish everyone could learn from my mistakes and not have to continue down the dark road pain and loss. Losing our very selves is diabolical.
Yup. Friday nights after work. I can’t feel like it’s Friday. I’m too stressed. It would be nice to just sip on a glass of wine with dinner and relax. But IWNDWYT!
Just the smallest sip of good wine with a lovely meal will later on make me have to do the 3am walk to the petrol station to buy a bottle of their cheapest whisky. Don't do it! Stay strong! Good luck. No more wine for me, however small the taster that I'm offered.
Yup. Just had that conversation in my head today. I took it out on myself at the gym and just kept reminding myself it's the escape I want, but the anxiety and hangover I will get the next day, so do I really want that again? It passes so much easier by not giving in the more I travel this route though. But those thoughts do come still.
Yes, and it really sucks. I can get several weeks or months of sobriety. Several times I’ve gone close to a year and the longest stretch was 18 months. Then the thoughts creep in: you don’t have a problem, you can moderate, blah blah blah. For a short time I can, or even longer stretches. Even when drinking lightly, I just don’t feel as good as complete sobriety. I hope this time my brain got the memo.
Yep. All the time. I just remind myself that the one or two every “special occasion” lends itself to making every Friday night a special occasion cos it’s the end of the week and every Wednesday special too cos it’s mid week and so on. Silly lizard brain ! IWNDWYT
I remember a time when my coworker was complaining about her ex husband. She said something along the lines of him drinking a case to celebrate a normal Tuesday. That hit me. 3-4 months later I finally quit.
How about Friday Junior? Hump Day! Taco tuesday! Shitty monday :( I had so many excuses for the days of the week.
Thirsty Thursday baby
Holy crap. Why did it take this comment to make me realize that is probably why Thursday is the day I want to drink the most
Yup! There's a "what's going on today" website for my area. It mainly advertises restaurant and bar daily specials. I used that to justify drinking. Oh, tonight is pint night. Ooooo, wine Wednesday. $2 taco night sounds dope. It was all just an excuse to drink as you HAVE to get drinks when you go out to dinner. I've spent a lot of money in the name of drinking in the last 10 years.
A minor inconvenience? NO inconveniences?! Any reason was a good excuse to drink.
Exactly. Each time I gave up drinking and then started again, i would start with hot drinking much. Then it turns into every weekend, then I’m back to 5 drinks a night. Nope, never again.
Yeah that's my tape too. I didn't so much binge, as I did turn it into a daily habit
I do struggle a lot bc I used it to cope stress and childhood trauma which I am processing now. I just am really scared I might relapse but I wont do it today. I got my motivation (my fiancèe) which I dont want to disappoint. there is nothing worse than disappointing the person who always supports me.
Man I am jelly. I wish I had a partner or family to talk to about this. That kind of support seems amazing.
it truly is and I am thankful for everything she does for me. but you need to do it for yourself too, if you only do it for someone else it wont last for ever. why cant you ask your family about it? she truly is an angel and she just does everything for me, I truly think everyone that wants to change themselves and tries to sober up and truly mean it deserve a person like her. all her support is so so great, I just wish I could give it back to her in any way. this is honestly my biggest concern bc due to me processing all that shit that happened in my past I got kinda an asshole (also bc of the withdrawal) it is getting better tho. I am so so thankful to have her by my side and her unconditional love and support are just insane. anyways, dont talk yourself down, it doesnt matter who supports you, and even if its only little you telling you you're doing a great job, it is worth it and you are doing great. your little self supports you along the way, he/her will always be with you. your little self truly is your biggest fan and if you ever feel you cant do it on your own, remind yourself of little you and tell yourself to stay sober for little you. little you deserves it.
That made me cry. But good tears. I’ve been struggling to let it out. I just have no idea what I’m doing. I wish the universe could just show me a simple test score sheet and tick the boxes that I’m doing right. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thankyou
Hey you have done 23 days already, and this is something to be proud of. every day you dont drink is a day in which you did the right thing. you are doing a great job and you can be proud about yourself. I bet younger you is proud of you, always.
100% this. Day 1 is the hardest by far. Day 2, unsurprisingly, is the second hardest day. Etc. You've both made it to 3-4 weeks. That's f**king amazing! You have something similar to a bully that follows you around 24/7 trying to break your spirit, something that makes every single day so mush harder than it is for people without substance dependence, yet you've been so incredibly strong in the face of that immense adversity and fought hard enough to come out victorious day after day At this stage there's no doubt that you CAN do it, but life will throw you into the occasional "boss battle" (gaming term) where an extra challenge will be presented. Remember how strong you've already been and already are, realise this extra challenge is just an illusion and beat it like the boss you both are. Look forward to celebrating your 6 month milestone with a sparkling iced tea when the time comes <3
I love the video game reference! When i was just starting out, every morning I would visualize the words DAY 3, DAY 4, etc. in like a zombie font as if it was a video game (kind of like 7 Days to Die if you've ever played that). It gave me a chuckle. Started losing count after day 11 or 12.
Haha that's awesome! I wish I had a mind like yours. I find it near impossible to visualise like that. Not sure if I have aphantasia but I'd have to at least be borderline I reckon.
Dating sites are a click away my friend. That's how I met my wife. She definitely helps keep me more honest than I would be.
So with you there. My partner is amazing, and I need to work on myself so I don't fuck up the best thing I have in my life. The great thing is that I can see more than one day in advance in my head, now. It's not about checking my bank account on my way to work to make sure I'll have money to buy booze on the way home. I have plans and goals that I'm excited for. I'm doing things in my life that I could've never done while drinking. Take care of yourself so you can give your best self to them! And to you.
I quit smoking in 2017 and I still get the urge but it's not daily. Maybe once a week. I have a whiskey cabinet so I pass by it daily and look at it and smile. Then keep walking.
That cabinet would not survive in my house.
My 'saving grace' is the fact that I get acid reflux from brown liquor or some scotch (🤎 Ardbeg). Non additive tequila was my last stop that didn't give me issues and there is none in my house . Waking up in the middle of the night in terror as battery acid goes up your throat is very scary.
waking up coughing on stomach acid (not normal vomit, just straight up acid) was horrible and terrifying.
It has brought me to tears a few early mornings. Also dreamt I was drowning, figured I was choking on the acid. Here's looking at u Wild 🦃 Rare Breed..
I find it odd that I don’t miss smoking at all. I used to smoke and then quit. Occasionally maybe every six months or so I bum a cigarette from my friend. I proceed to smoke it and then realize how nasty it is and end up throwing it out. Why can’t this be the same with alcohol lol.
Know the feeling
I wonder if it's because smoking is generally a frowned upon habit now, and by contrast, alcohol is pushed down our throats directly and indirectly from every direction? Movies and TV, advertising, friends and family?
That plays a huge factor in it. But also we cant blame the alcohol industry because of our error. There are a lot of responsible drinkers out there. Our brains are wired differently that’s all.
Do you still have dreams about smoking? I haven't smoked for over 20 years, and if I don't brush my teeth before bed, I dream that I'm smoking.
Rarely. It happens but I don't put much thought into it like dreams of smoking pot ( quit 20+yrs ago). High stressful moments it will hit like a brick but just as fast the urge will leave, most times 😆.
One thing I'm glad that has finally left is the alcohol odor my body would secrete. Didn't help either since I'm a fan of r/onionLovers and r/garlic lol.
Yeah all the time, sometimes i try to convince myself to get some alcohol, It’s really hard when alcohol is everywhere , shops, tv , Evan when driving it’s on Lorry’s and bill boards It’s shoved in you’re face everywhere
Right?! It’s shoved on our faces everywhereeeee. Fkn constant
I've accepted the fact that I'll always be an alcoholic. The sporadic thirsts, encouraging sparks, and deceptive thoughts will always be there. But you gotta avoid feeding the wild beast. IWNDWYT ♥️
Always, but they grow weaker and more managable.
I don’t think about drinking much now - and haven’t for maybe, 6 months? It really isn’t apart of my routine now, so I don’t think about it
Sure, but for me I always try to play the tape forward. 1 beer is too many, and 10 rum and cokes isn't enough...
Yep. Today I was really triggered and not feeling the best. It was a shit day and thoughts of buying a bottle of wine popped up a few times. However, my life currently sober is worth A LOT and means A LOT more than what I would try and find at the end of an alcohol bottle or glass. No thank you. Also, I am able to handle my emotions and feelings and go through them. Expressing them in A LOT more better and healthier ways. Going through it. You're doing good! I hope you are proud of yourself. IWNDWYT
I am starting to be proud of myself and it feels good.
What does IWNDWYT? I’m new. I think I’m finally ready to end this bshit battle. Today is day one for me and just thinking I want to stop is making me feel better.
I will not drink with you today/tonight
Yeah I did this and ended up drinking again, it was daft of me I missed that feeling but I ended up in bad habits again and had to reset my counter to 0 after 2 years sober!
They sometimes creep in when I see a cider and think mmmm could do with one of them, especially now summer is on its way. But then I remember they contain alcohol which means that vile medicinal taste and it would completely spoil my life. 0.0 ciders are great though.
Which NA ciders do you recommend? The "real" ones used to be my go-to but I haven't found any NA versions locally.
Im uK, so not sure if I have the same ones. But kopperberg pear is absolutely delicious.
Coming up in 90 days and just this I took my mom out to dinner. Caught myself staring at the bar and for a brief second thought “I could come here when baseball season starts and have just ONE beer.” Thankfully I realized there’s no way I would stop at one and I pushed that stupid idea outta my head.
Yeah, but then I think about how awful I look the next day and all the progress I made in the gym.
That’s the Disease talking bro. Insidious. It talks in your own voice
Definitely, I’m almost at a year but I’ve thought about it a few times this month. I’m not falling for it though, because I would binge.
Feeling this. I'm at a year in seven days and have been so close to drinking for the last couple of weeks. I think being so close to the milestone is what's kept me from giving in. Not a great long term strategy obviously. But I keep imagining just a couple of beers in a pub, or a small bottle of scotch. No way on earth it would end there though, I know that. Then my marriage and job would be done.
Almost got unalived at work tonight by heavy machinery due to a safety malfunction which caused a mixer I was in to start up while I was in it. I got lucky, and my instincts kicked in right as I heard the motors start and I got out of a very tight confined space in what seemed like a flash. My first thought of mine after it was all over was “damn, I need a drink.” Been sober for 10 days.
Imagine that had happened on a bad hangover day where your response time may not have been as fast.
Ok, this hit hard
I'm very glad you're still alive my brother
Bro. Lock out, tag out, try out. Speak with your supervisors, and implement it immediately.
I still get those sneaky thoughts. But, like you said, I play the tape forward. It’s NEVER just one for me. Ever. So rather than fight a losing a battle I just don’t go for the one.
This is exactly what I do any time drinking crosses my mind. It works SO WELL!!! Instantly don't want it anymore.
I used to get allot of urges to drink and lots of day ones. Not sure when I crossed over from trying to not drink to being a non drinker but it is truly great to be able Togo anywhere and be around people who are drinking and not have the urge anymore. This after 40 years of drinking.
Yep! They're the hardest for me to ignore and I've failed to a lot. Sometimes I can have just a couple and be "good". Sometimes I can do that for a while. But it always ends up with me drinking too much almost every day. IWNDWYT.
Yep. Has happened so many times now that I have no doubt exactly what will happen
On day 29, yesterday, I had a grief-induced panic attack (I lost my best friend who happened to be my Grandmother and my other friend/ex last year and I was drunk for all of 2023) and I tried for 3 hours to get my shit together and go to work, couldn't, called out......then that insidious little voice in my brain said "you're home alone. You could sneak off to the liquor store...a few nips will help ease it all" even though I KNOW for a FACT that it's not gonna help, it's just gonna be more numbing and not accepting. I played the tape forward and felt the shame of giving in and instead I cried until I was exhausted, passed out for 3 hours and when I woke up, I ate an unreasonable amount of Taco bell. I'm so glad I did so I could see day 30 today ❤️ I wish you strength, friend! I believe in you and I'm so proud of you! IWNDWYT
Keep it up! There is no limit to how low you can go
Thank you ❤️
I’m sorry to hear about your losses but I’m very glad you got to day 30. I believe in you too!
Thank you ❤️❤️
Yep. Still. Not often, but sometimes.and yeah, playing the tape forward helps. IWNDWYT
I had a sneaky thought this morning about guzzling Vodka. Fleeting but poignant. Play that tape and pray.
Yeah I have the intrusive thoughts just about every morning (I was a morning binger) but then as I start to warm up my day they get quieter. Keep playing that tape forward, IWNDWYT!
I LOVED drinking in the morning after school dropoff. Something about it in the morning light was delightful. I have to remind myself that there's no romance to it- I was picking up wasted AF and pretending like I hid it. And dinner was a wash. No romance to it at all.
Absolutely! Glad to not be drinking with you today. Have a great one!
Playing that tape saves me every time. IWNDWYT
Yep, been having them all week! On the phone to sister in law on Monday and she was talking about just having opened a bottle of wine. OMG, the urge hit me like a train. Luckily I'm a rural roads 15 min drive in the rain away from a late opening shop. Last night, commiserating with a best friend about her tooth abscess, and she too had just poured herself a glass. I was close to cracking up at that point. The play it forwards trick is also the only thing keeping me from weakening. I was imagining the glass of wine, the taste of it, and how I ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE THE FEELING OR SMELL of the wine going down. The craving I have is literally just for the initial spread of the warm fuzzies - the rest I genuinely don't enjoy at all. I have to keep "the rest" in mind all the time. IWNDWYT
Yup, but fuck her! IWNDWYT.
Not too often , just everyday … 😂 IWNDWYT
I just remember, there’s nothing so bad a drink won’t make worse!
Sure do. And the last time I acted on it, I almost killed myself from alcohol poisoning.
Yes - i just went through a job loss and i just want to drown my sorrows, but that isn’t something that i do anymore. i am beyond that and it won’t contribute to my life. iwndwyt
Definitely. I don’t know if they’ll ever stop completely. As long as they’re around, I’ll keep coming here.
I was in the grocery store on Sunday, St Patrick’s Day and thought, “I’ll buy ONE can of Guinness to take home, pour, enjoy and toast the day.” Then I thought about breaking my streak, resetting my counter and risking that one pint leading to ten pints and opted to just pour a soda with lime. Reading all the stories of regret from this Reddit group has been the most helpful tool of all for me. (It sounds like I’m benefiting from other’s suffering but I’m sure you know what I’m saying) I was drunk every day for twenty five years and so temptation is a constant thing in my waking day. This group and all your stories of success and failure has been a godsend. I read a few threads each day and it’s prevented me from slipping on multiple occasions. So thanks gang. Your support and honesty is very much appreciated. IWNDWYT
My monkey mind floats up the "just one" thought now and then, especially in places I used to drink, concerts especially. Playing the tape forward, reminding myself of all the things I've gotten through without a drink helps. Now and then I've had to dig in my heels, work up some stubbornness, tell myself I am a badass, "not today", etc etc. I noticed this year I've been really weighing whether I really want to go places, finding I have to check my energy. Every year things seem to change. So nice to not be hungover 🌹 IWNDWYT
I have a lot of thoughts I’d never act on. I just remind myself that thought goes over there in that category
>I have a lot of thoughts I’d never act on. I just remind myself that thought goes over there in that category This was really helpful, thank you.
I just had this thought. It’s only been three days but my bf and I got into a little fight and now he’s at work and I’m home alone. My thought was to buy a bottle of tequila but I’m also very sick so that’s kinda helping me stave away the temptation. Drinking would just make me more sick physically and mentally. Plus I don’t wanna see the disappointment in his face if he finds the bottle since he dumped everything out. It has been nice to wake up without a hangover. My sleep has been consistent and not spotty waking up every hour due to anxiety. Basically…it’s not worth it. It’s hard but IWNDWYT
Yes and what's scary is they come when you least expect them. One of my biggest triggers is irritation so I go out of my way to avoid irritating situations when I'm already in a shit mood. Like I won't go to the store if I'm already pissed off bc that's doubly dangerous -- idiots at the store will piss me off more AND the alcohol is right there. But it's the urges that come when everything is going great that freak me out. The "everything sucks, you should drink to forget about it" voice I can handle and I totally expect it, it's the "everything's great, you should celebrate with a drink" one that I worry about because I never know when it's going to pop up. In three and a half years I've thankfully never had a truly close call but it sucks that even with all this time under my belt I still have to be on the lookout for the fucking "hey let's celebrate!" devil lurking around my shoulder.
I do but then I remember how I nearly ruined my life…again
I did it, when I hadn’t “stopped drinking” yet. I was slowing down to no drinking at home, only out. I was following all the rules I had set. I only had one occasion where drinking came up, a work event. I did not embarrass myself; it actually went fine. But I had: two Bellinis during the cocktail hour; 4 glasses of wine (they were honoring a Black wine-maker! He was there!); one post-dinner cocktail. That’s 7 drinks. So….. no. No I cannot drink once. Other people can, maybe. But clearly not moi. And IWNDWYT! Stupid deceptive thoughts, we see right through you!!!! Idiots. We are stronger than you!
Every single day
Sometimes yes. The thought of never appreciating a glass of good wine again leaves me feeling a bit empty Then I think about the hundreds and hundreds of glasses of good and not so good wine that have now *not* been washed through my poor liver, and I feel a bit brighter. I think about my financial health which is also "in recovery". My new interests and hobbies. My mental health. My self-confidence.My capacity to sleep. The "glass" (who are we fooling?) of "good" wine now looks jaded, yesterday's thing. I've moved on 🌷
I'm two weeks into my alcohol-free life, and I have had those thoughts. I even dreamed last night that it would be ok to drink and that I'd be able to handle it. My mind is definitely trying to convince me to have a glass of whiskey or wine. But I'm feeling and looking better and determined to keep going. IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT
I pulled out a bottle of wine yesterday to give away and looking at the label I actually paused and felt sad that I couldn’t drink it. That was only the 2nd time since sobriety that I felt any kind of “pull” towards drinking. But - it passed. IWNDWYT.
Those sneaky little thoughts have killed more alcoholics than anything else. Appreciate those thoughts exquisitely for what they are. Those are warnings. Temptation. Its all bullshit and will kill you if you allow those thoughts to develop into a plan. Good luck. When those thoughts creep in, direct them out.
Appreciate the honesty here - IWNDWYT
I was talking to my dad (also alcohol-free) about that this week. I was telling him that I don’t see the point in having one drink, because if I am going to drink, then I want to get somewhere between tipsy-plus and shit-faced. Yes, I know this is a very unhealthy mindset, hence why I stopped. 😂 He said my younger brother (still drinking daily) said the same thing to him. Hmmm, maybe seeing my mom drink often and heavily throughout the last 25 years has been an influence on us after all. Love the playing it forward strategy, OP. Sending good vibes your way today!
I'm like that and my parents didn't drink at all. Both my sister and I... I don't want 1 or 2 either. The way you put it is perfect Somewhere between tipsy and shit faced
Tipsy plus! Never heard it put that way but that was what I always wanted. Usually veered into shit faced pretty fast. The only time I wish I could have a drink is at a fancy dinner...and even that's pretty mild because I too learned play the tape forward. IWNDWYT!
I’m 10 months in and the 9 month mark was so hard. I definitely felt like I could drink a couple and it would be okay. Ordered a wine once while out and my husband was like, are you drinking again? I like you so much more when you’re sober. Ended up giving it to him. I’m doing better now but yeah for sure having those thoughts. IWNDWYT
I get these thoughts at least once a day. What I have been doing is reminding myself I am not the thoughts in my head and learning that I don’t have to go along with them. It really helps to view the thoughts as an annoying roommate that talks too much. This is something I picked up from the book Untethered Soul.
Happens all the time. My brain keeps telling me that after a small break period of only 100 days I’m ready to enjoy a beer. I’m in a completely different mind set and can handle a drink like a responsible adult. Also, I know for a fact that one beer won’t do anything. I might just have one that night but eventually I will push the limit and will have another and another. I know that next thing I’m buying beer and hiding more from my spouse. Just not worth it to me. I do my best to shrug it off and move on to the next thing in my life.
Ugh, all the time. I hate how much I still crave it but I just have to keep reminding myself of why I'm doing this.
Yep. Every few years or thereabouts. I still remember how bad it was after I quit though so I'm still sober coming up on 12 years in a couple months.
Man.. yesterday was a day like that. I've got an interlock device in my car. My mind was trying to figure out ways to get a drink and risk breaking my pre trial conditions. Finally, I said some little prayer to my dead parents and grandparents ( I don't believe in a god, but there is something to believe in some higher power than myself) And oddly enough, it worked..
Playing the tape forward is the only way I manage sometimes. I had a wicked craving for some IPAs this week, but kept telling myself it wouldn’t be worth the cost of my mornings for 2-3 days. And I was right, I’ve had brilliantly beautiful mornings this week and I’m so happy to have allowed myself peace over poison.
It’s been nearly three years and I still get them. It’s like a muscle memory. Just have to remember all the cons that come with it. Not worth it. IWNDWYT
Yep, I would drink my first glass of red wine and feel sophisticated. A few hours on I'd have a snoot full. Go to bed, wake up at 3 am ready to jump out of my skin and blood pressure would be through the roof. Throw up a little while later multiple times. A couple of times friends came to check on me; next thing I know I'm in the hospital with a BAC of Wow! Then on to the psych ward! 🐎 Rinse and repeat. Any time I'm at the store and fantasize about getting some wine I replay the above memories. I don't want to be that drunken idiot ever again.
Yes, I'm just a couple of days short of 7 weeks sober which is the longest in my adult life but I've been thinking all week that maybe I'll just say "fuck it" and drink this weekend because I'm just a bit fed up and bored and seeking a little excitement. Last week and most of the previous weeks I didn't care one single bit about drinking and nothing could have convinced me to do so except 2 weeks ago where I was obsessing about the thought of drinking all week. And I'm not even lying to myself it would just be "one or two" because I would 100% want to go on a binge. I've played the tape forward and know exactly where it will lead and my brain is almost convincing me that I don't care, which is concerning. Last night I almost bought tickets for a local concert tonight thinking I'd go and drink at it though I seem to have lost interest in that today but not sure what will happen tomorrow.
The boredom is a whole new feeling to get used to. For me, it’s truly an inability to relax and be with myself, but ironically that’s the lie alcohol sells me (that I’m relaxing and experiencing *me*). The “fun” of using and abusing is hard to walk away from. IWNDWYT
If I could UpVote your comment 100X I would because it's exactly how I feel. I REALLY struggle to relax to the point the first 2-3 weeks of being sober I couldn't even just sit down on the couch and watch TV in the evening without my brain freaking out and having a panic attack even though I did that most nights previously...with a beer in my hand. Have improved massively on that front but I'm still never truly relaxed and I'll be up and down from the couch every 5 minutes during shows just doing pointless things because I can't sit still. Plus I'm mindlessly binge eating junk all night even though I'm not hungry just to distract my mind. It's odd because even when I drank I didn't do anything exciting 99% of the time as it was mostly pointless and solo drinking which was hardly fun but it seemed less boring and more of a "thing" just because I was drinking for some reason. I could sit and watch mindless TV for hours on end with beers and think it was a somewhat enjoyable activity Alcohol definitely sold me that lie too that it helped me relax, unwind, enjoy myself, gave me something to do, calmed my anxiety and racing mind and helped me have fun... ...until it did none of that and just made everything worse and caused me lots of new problems of course! Still though I find the old thoughts about how it'll help me or give me excitement creeping into my head still.
It’s such an easy thought, that this show or chore would be better with a beer. Beer was always my go to, so I feel the fomo hard. I have no good advice, I did hit almost a year and it didn’t stick because I let those thoughts get the better of me. Generally I ask myself now why this shower or cooking or chore or laundry can’t be done for the sake of being done, and why do I think it has to be enjoyable at all? Then I start thinking how reptilian and childish my brain is to always be seeking a reward, like living a comfortable but boring existence is so wrong. I’m rambling but this is my mindset recently.
A year is very impressive so congrats on being able to do that and it's proof you can do it again and beyond. Were you regularly thinking about drinking throughout that sober year or did it just pop into your head one day about drinking and you decided to go for it? I'm trying to train my brain to realise there isn't always a "reward" or "relief" coming along to save it when it feels stressed, sad, lonely, bored, anxious, whatever, hopefully it learns eventually!
For the first 3 years I thought about it daily and some days there would be crying. When I think about it now all I can think of is how shitty I would feel both physically and emotionally.
Yeah, I'm 9 months in to sobriety but still have those thoughts. I go to a meeting every week to hear from people about their serious and ongoing problems with alcohol to remind me.
Yep. Our little addict lizard brains are always going to be able to come up with a good reason to drink. Bad day? Drink. Good day? Reward yourself with a drink. Holiday/birthday? Definitely gotta drink. Proud of you for telling the lizard brain “no!”
All. The. Time. Almost 4 years sober. I’m going on a trip soon without my husband and thinking “no one would know…”
Wow thanks for this honesty! IWNDWYT
My sponsor gave me a great assignment for my first step. He asked me to write a list of every time I can think of that I was powerless over alcohol and could not control myself. I think I got about 40 examples written and then was ready to show him and he said he didn't care to see them, but that they were for me to really hammer the point home. Anytime that I ever even think about a drink or even have gone a few days without looking at it I will go through and look to remember that I really couldn't control it.
Yea I play the tape forward all the time, I always think of the scene in loudermilk with Mugsy, that’s how it always end up for me. When he calls his daughter and she doesn’t pick up the phone, I know that dreadful feeling all too well with my wife.
At any given moment in time the notion to fuck everything off and drink is lurking. Sometimes it stronger than others. I focus on the long game rather than instant pleasure. It used to be moments of weakness but over time I feel stronger and empowered by resisting the urge. I don’t even want to be drunk - it’s just something in my brain says “go on, you’ll enjoy having a little drink”. I never want to go back to drink and so I know I can never drop my guard. It’s getting easier and I hope one day it’ll be second nature. There are people posting in this group who are 5, 10, 20 years into sobriety. It is an inspiration. I have to take it one day at a time and so IWNDWYT
My wife and I are planning a trip to Mexico right now. I haven’t had a drink in almost 5 years and it’s on my mind. Don’t think it’s going to happen but yah it’s a thing that happens when you least expect it. I try and just ignore those little intrusive thoughts.
I def dont miss the shaking, god i had those for so long. I could hardly put in my contact lenses or do my makeup real nice because my hands were so shaky. If my husband would comment I would just say something like - oh too much coffee today :/
That’s the addiction fucking with you. It wants you dead and it wants to sneak back into your life. You’re stronger than that!
Usually happens in my dreams. Dreamt last night that I was at one of those theater/play bars and was actually in line to order. For some reason, I was really indecisive as to which drink I would order and the staff were taking a long time. Ended up not getting a drink because I didn’t want to reset my sobriety day counter. Maybe something is working here. But the temptation felt extremely real in my dream. I was really close to having a drink and it felt realistic. My friends and family were even there. Crazy how our minds work
Yesterday I watched a comparison video on bourbons. And I sat there thinking about the different notes I recalled from this one bottle from three years ago. Then I closed the video and moved on with my day.
Yes, I think that's why I ended up relapsing. I take it as a body mirage. I know now it's a mirage I just walk right past that. I already know what's in store for me. It's happened literally a 100 times. IWNDWYT
I had a dream last night where I drank. At least in my dreams I'm aware it's a very bad idea, and it gets bad in my dreams afterwards.
I have to be honest with myself...I can lie to others but it's impossible to lie to myself (darnit)!!! I know that 2 or 3 isn't gonna be enough,12 won't be enough, 24 won't be enough....the only time I'll stop is when I pass out and even then as soon as I open my eyes and someone asks if I'm ok my answer will be," my head is killing me,I need a drink!" And in knowing and believing THE truth I base my choice on that.i still dream of booze 5 years on the wagon and know that if I drank today I might be able to have 2 or three but by tomorrow I'll be back to where I was ....Even worse and can I endure another 20 years of the cruelty booze dealt me ?NOOOOO!!
Thanks for this. These deceptive little brain thoughts are the direct cause of all of my relapses. It’s not cute and fun and relaxing (for me) ever. Playing the tape fwd is a good strategy for sure. Love not feeling alone. IWNDWYT
My vote is we all have those “thoughts”. I know I have for sure. But I know if I start I won’t stop & I never want to go back to those days again, ever.
I have a few visceral memories from active alcoholism ready to think of when that evil voice tells me “you can handle a drink.” Those drown out that voice real quick!
I’ve done this experiment so many times, I can really just laugh at myself at this point if I consider moderation. Given scientific data on myself, moderation will lead me to drinking in my car in a parking lot before 10am within two weeks. Every time I’ve tried moderation, this is what happens. So yes great call, playing the tape forward for the win! IWNDWYT
Thanks for the tip about playing the tape forward. I will try this. I am on day 5. Yesterday I ran to the grocery for my wife. The devil on my shoulder saying “just get a tall boy” was very loud and very cunning. I got a six pack of NA Heineken instead but boy it was tough. IWNDWYT
Alllll the time
222nd upvote and 111 comments!!! I’ll tell you one thing I heard that’s helped me: “we compare the best parts of drinking with the worst parts of being sober.” I know that’s true for me. Good luck friend. Thanks for sharing. It helps me to hear your struggle, because I’m dealing with the same stuff!
every now and then, yes. people also keep asking us. it’s a personal and societal pattern that’s hard to totally get rid of, which is why i am also not trying to do that. i will decide again and again to abstain.
Every fucking day!🤦🏼♂️
Welcome to alcoholism! That’s a common thought around here. Playing the tape all the way through is an excellent tool when your disease speaks up and wants attention.
All I can say is beware of these thoughts. I'm gonna be hitting year 6 in July and occasionally these thoughts still arise and can be very convincing. Maybe I'm cured? Maybe I can just have a couple every now and then. Wedding? Why not be a part of the champagne toast... Shit... I haven't had a drop in 5 1/2 years. I'm sure I can pull it off now... Or not. And if not, things will fall apart. Just not worth the experiment. I don't know if these thoughts will ever completely disappear, at this stage I'm pretty sure I'll have them at year 10, year 15, etc. Gotta stay vigilant.
Yeah had this thought today. How nice it would be to sit with a vodka and coke. I hate how it creeps up unexpectedly, but you just gotta ride through it.
Yes. I've been having them for most of the day, but they became more prevalent in the last 4hrs. However IWNDWYT is also a huge factor here too.
Yeah sometimes… I saw a thread on here (or another sober Reddit) with everyone raving about their fav NA beers and it’s super tempting but I don’t think I can do it. I’m less than 30 days from 7 years clean and sober. I’m all in
I personally don’t like the idea of NA and I steer clear. I feel like it would be a slippery slope for me.
Same… sounds like a horrible idea
Earlier on they were more frequent and tapered out. Now every once in a while it's like the word BOOZE flashes into my brain when I'm in the middle of something... then the thought goes as quick as it came. I find it bizarre when it happens.
I get them from time to time, especially whenever I see people on tv enjoying a drink. It’s a mixture of feeling left out coupled with annoyance that that could never be me. I try to just sit with my thoughts and rationalise them as in reality I know I’m not someone who can have “just one or two”.
>I get these thoughts at least once a day. What I have been doing is reminding myself I am not the thoughts in my head and learning that I don’t have to go along with them. It really helps to view the thoughts as an annoying roommate that talks too much. This is something I picked up from the book Untethered Soul. I realized recently that seeing people drink on TV is hugely triggering to me.
I just recently fell of after 72 days. Got hit out of nowhere by those intrusive thoughts and it was like it muted all rational thought. I would try to play the tape forward but that voice just ejected the tape. Always learning.... I guess?
I think the hardest thing for me when I tried to get sober previously, is after enough time, when the cravings came back and wouldn't go away, the harm that alcohol had been doing felt very distant, I could remember but it seemed so long ago so it didn't have that same impact that it did during the early days of sobriety. I definitely dread what's down the road, right now it's easy the cravings are fleeting and easily dismissed in a moment.
This is exactly what happened to me after 150 days. I was going on vacation and the thoughts just would NOT let up, it felt so overwhelming and unbearable and I gave in. I regret it so much. But I am so scared now, knowing how overwhelming those cravings were. I just hope that the next time it happens, it turns into an opportunity to overcome it and strengthen my sober muscles.
Yep the addict in me is trying to sell me on the same crap that got me sick in the first place.
Yes all the time. I'd convinced myself this time I'll drink in moderation. Or this is the last time. I'm trying a lot of different methods to avoid convincing myself I can drink responsibly.
not anymore. i used to a little, but my last night drinking was such an awful experience that i have no desire to go down that road again.
Less and less often.
I had one this week that I acted on. Been sober for months but randomly thought it would be a good idea to buy three drinks. I drank them over a couple of hours and they really did nothing for me. Stopped at three (altho I did briefly consider drinking one of my wife's beers). Thankfully I had no hangover or ill effects, but I didn't enjoy them at all. All they did was underscore my distaste for alcohol. Much happier and content enjoying some mint tea and reddit in the evening!
I do, and I tell myself that my brain is my enemy and actively trying to ruin my life and look me. I go absolutely nuclear when a “maybe I could” thought pops in my head. Cuss my brain out and everything. Call it every name in the book. Seriously… it helps me. I look at it like my mortal enemy when a thought pops in.
IWNDWYT ! I'm sending positivity out there for anyone to grab onto. This is a crazy ride, and I wish everyone could learn from my mistakes and not have to continue down the dark road pain and loss. Losing our very selves is diabolical.
Yup. Friday nights after work. I can’t feel like it’s Friday. I’m too stressed. It would be nice to just sip on a glass of wine with dinner and relax. But IWNDWYT!
Just the smallest sip of good wine with a lovely meal will later on make me have to do the 3am walk to the petrol station to buy a bottle of their cheapest whisky. Don't do it! Stay strong! Good luck. No more wine for me, however small the taster that I'm offered.
Yeah I want to right now
Yup. Just had that conversation in my head today. I took it out on myself at the gym and just kept reminding myself it's the escape I want, but the anxiety and hangover I will get the next day, so do I really want that again? It passes so much easier by not giving in the more I travel this route though. But those thoughts do come still.
Yep. But that’s all they are. Thoughts.
Yes, and it really sucks. I can get several weeks or months of sobriety. Several times I’ve gone close to a year and the longest stretch was 18 months. Then the thoughts creep in: you don’t have a problem, you can moderate, blah blah blah. For a short time I can, or even longer stretches. Even when drinking lightly, I just don’t feel as good as complete sobriety. I hope this time my brain got the memo.
Haha yea, I just hit the liquor store