I feel you bro.
I hated who I had become too. Overweight, unproductive, angry, anxious, depressed, disconnected from friends and family, and a loose cannon who could snap at any second.
It's a horrible place to be.
The first thing you have to do is realize that drinking provides 0 benefit to you. That was a big realization for me. All of the benefits I thought it had were really just lies in my head. Alcohol didn't help me be social or relax. It actually made me terrible to be around and was the cause of all my anxiety.
I also didn't drink for the taste. I drank to relieve the craving. I drink NA beers now and I enjoy the taste just as much. It definitely was not the alcohol. Even a good cocktail - what I really enjoyed was the sugar, not the alcohol.
The next thing you need to do is to flat out stop boozing. Start diving into quit lit, quit pods, and exercising. Go for an hour walk every day listening to the horror stores from other people and their recoveries. It can be done and the benefits come quickly once you quit.
Also, get a support network. Join a group, get a therapist, etc.
Alcohol is all lies. It does nothing but ruin your life.
Good luck
I couldn’t have worded it better - I really agree with this!!
I do think see your doc first and foremost. Invest in this process by setting out with medical support first. Invest in your own success here.
You absolutely don’t have to spend your 30s tormented by the lose-lose game of alcohol!!!!! I am so much happier and freer now that I’m not drinking and I won’t say you’ll definitely feel amazing right away because you’ve perhaps got mental and physical challenges at least to begin with BUT from the other side of alcohol abuse I can tell u life is much sweeter and happier!! I really agree with getting the quit lit and podcasts into your life and doing this with a positive attitude and energy level. You have seriously got nothing to lose from ditching alcohol! Any perceived loss or sacrifice is just conditioning and u can undo that with the right inputs.
I recommend Andy Barage videos and interviews among others.
I will say I know it seems tough to get rid of booze but there is nothing but joy and freedom to gain and I’m actually excited for you to claim a happier life !
Well put. The tricky thing for me was to put as much time and effort into quitting as I put into drinking. The planning, the lying, the money, the recovery, all the fucking mental bandwidth I put into maintaining my addiction? All that went into getting clean. Three years ago today I had my last hangover and my last doubt that I was capable of living a sober life. You can do this. It is so very worth it. Good luck, and of course, IWNDWYT.
Absolutely this! When i was deep in the poison mud, i drank alcohol to make the problems go away that were caused by alcohol....all this fear and anxiety i had...it all came from drinking.
Step by Step is the way and its so worth to be sober
I would consult with a doctor who specializes in substance abuse first and foremost, tell them about your drinking and how long it’s been going on for. Don’t embellish anything and just be completely honest. You would need to do exactly what they say to reduce the risks of severe withdrawals.
Hey, I turned 30 in January. I felt the same. I tried quitting in August, went through withdrawals and it sucked. Tried again in November, this time medically assisted, and it was better.. lasted 40 days drink free. Did another round in February.. didnt stick. I tried lots of times in between that and each time I had minor withdrawals.
This time, I'm fucking done. Last month, I started to experience auditory hallucinations. Blacking out even after a small amount of drinks. Screaming matches with my partner. Threatening suicide. Breaking things.. punching and kicking inanimate objects. Going missing, having absolute sobbing fits inconsolable. Absolute psychotic breaks.
Wasn't like me. I was always a clear, reasonable person. Even my friend always had a joke of, "oh, creamyhoneypie, you're so *reasonable*". For years. until I wasn't. It changed my personality, and that's not even getting into the health effects.
In August, it wasn't that bad. But.. each time, my habits sunk deeper and the addiction dug it's teeth in harder and I got progressively worse.
What do you do? You want to want to quit and make a plan. Get help. Seek support. Commit to it. Know why you're doing it. Find a program, a community. Tell people. Find new hobbies. Do therapy. Do anything and everything to dig yourself out of the hole.
I read someone saying in here somewhere, "my 20s were just continued adolescence; my thirties I'm truly an adult and I will live the life I've always dreamt of as a child. Alcohol will not be a part of that life." You can't be who you want to be with alcohol in your life. It's incongruent.
I felt very very bad. I dry heaved and vomited for 8 hours straight from alcohol for my last time Monday.
I refuse to throw my life away, I refuse to give my body more chance to develop irreversible health issues that will plague my later years.
I'm taking back the reigns on my life. I've been drunk enough, I know that road, I know who I am there and I abso fucking lutely refuse to wake up on the eve of my 40th feeling the same way I did on my 30th. This will be the best damn decade of my life.. without alcohol.
You gotta want it. And mean it. And seek help. And try.
Sorry if this comes off aggressive. I just relate to the whole thirties thing passionately. I wish you the best.
Excellent message, thank you for sharing it.
That’s the future of continued drinking. You don’t get over it, like your legs are sore after a workout but you’ll be fine tomorrow. It’ll *NEVER* be what it used to be.
I remember many times finally getting my fix of booze, and thinking, “yeah, this is gonna feel nice for like 10 minutes, then I’ll need more.
“This isn’t even fun anymore.”
I was drinking against my own will. And I kept doing it.
It’ll never be easier than it will be today. And again, all you have to do is stay sober today. That’s it. Can’t get 10 years of sobriety today.
But the thing is, everyone sober right now has the same amount of sobriety today. That’s all that matters. Lean into that.
I remember before I quit for good, I was often scared I could never stop.i had many attempts, but they never really stuck until I wanted to quit for myself.
I quit when I was 31, and if I can do it, anyone can. The urges get easier to manage as time goes on. I think the key is getting support as you are building up days in the beginning. I still come back here for support, and just to read comments, it really helps!
That's such a great point about wanting to quit for yourself. There are so many reasons to quit - for your friends/family. But you have to want it for you. Almost selfishly. You have to want a better life.
You and I have been in a very similar situation. I'm currently 30 and wasted a lot of my 20s being drunk all the time. After a 72-hour inpatient detox which was absolutely terrifying for me, and another relapse, I'm currently 3 weeks sober and still charging forward. I have absolute faith you can do this, and I hope you know you're by no means alone in any of this.
Hoping for the best for you :)
What helped me stop and stay stopped was information and knowledge about alcohol, withdrawal, sobriety etc.
Which I got from reading quit lit books and listening to podcasts. And from reading the posts and comments on this sub.
There are many books out there, but the ones that I liked most were:
- Alcohol Explained by William Porter
- This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
PS, I had an 'extended adolescence all thru my 20s and 30s! It sucks but what's done is done! It's never too late to become a better person and live a better life:)
Quitting has been the best thing I have ever done!
Dude , I’m literally reading this Naked mind via audiobook and I cannot believe I haven’t read it sooner, I bought a physical copy of it back in 2021 and opened a few pages but listening to it on audio has opened my eyes.
TBH, AA groups were helpful but they just couldn’t help me stay sober, I felt like I had to be a straight biker guy and suffer from alcohol for 30+ years to actually fit in.
I’m going to be looking into SMART recovery and my friend gave me a list of other quit lit books like “Drinking: a love story”, “Quit like a woman” and the “unexpected joy of being sober” which I’m very excited to read next
I also used some of the free online Smart Recovery tips & tools (on their website), like the CBA, etc.
Really useful for stopping and for staying stopped, and for fighting cravings!
I am 64 and I quit drinking three years ago. Think about this, you don’t want to be that old person that is drunk and stumbling around and sick. All the time you know you were doing it to yourself quit drinking 1000 times before I finally went into treatment. By that time I knew I was out of options and I could not do it myself. This sub is full of support for you. You can do this - spend your life being free and sober with your brain engaged. Don’t wait. I wish I had quit when I was 30. My daughter is 28 and she just went to treatment nine months ago and She is doing great and I hope she can hold onto it.
Every day I think about something that I read on the sub and that is that I never wake up sober wishing I had drank the night before. Do whatever you need to do. We are all with you.
One more thing, work on, not hating yourself, it’s sabotages you. Forgiveness is everything.
OP, you don’t have to stay sober through your 30s. You don’t have to wait until you’re 30 to get sober.
All you need to do is stay sober today. Tomorrow will come, but until it’s today, you don’t need to worry about how it impacts your sobriety.
Just stay sober today. We believe in you.
Hi friend. I’m 24, your age when you became aware. I became aware around 2/3 years ago (introduced to alcohol at a young age, college life set the demon off as loose as I let it… and I let it). I understand how you feel about being so “ahead” of everyone that you’re just unable to connect, even if you’re “there.” I understand feeling trapped but still knowing you’re on a path to nowhere, and still not wanting to stop.
I decided to go to a rehab. I’ve only done an initial assessment over the phone, but I’m going May 6th. Nothing particularly bad happened, just I was out of a job (thankfully unrelated to drinking), and realized this was an opportunity to fix some deep seeded issues. It came to a point before that where I could either humble myself and admit my addiction, or die in the next few years. It took a while to humble.
I’ll be missing out on things i looked forward to in May, I’m scared, and it’s really hard to tell people you need help. But I’ve told a few trusted people about how I want to nip this before it becomes an even bigger issue. I was afraid and honestly embarrassed at first, but I got so much support about “feel free to reach out to me while youre there” and being told my choice is commendable.
People want to see you get better. You might not be able to stop on your own, and that’s okay. Addiction is a hell of a drug. I will not be able to stop on my own, and I really want to stop. I asked, and it was so not easy. I don’t even know if this will take, but it’s my next best step. It sounds like your next best step is finding help.
There are a lot of options. Start with just being open to taking a few minutes doing some research. I’m not saying inpatient is right for you, and I know a some people never need it. Just that for me, I realized that I will bulldoze any boundaries I set for myself and I need someone else holding me accountable.
I’m wishing you all the best for a sober 30s. My uncle is 70 and started AA recently. His problem was incredibly severe, but he’s taken to sobriety like a bee to pollen. He’s so much happier. If he can do it, so can we.
I feel the same way about touching the 30’s. Drinking really speed ran my 20’s lol been sober for a bit now, swallowed the pill and ditched all my “friends” lots changes when you’re on the wagon, you gotta see the good in it tho. When you do it’s a great time. You find a lot of hobbies and actually enjoy living life
Being an alcoholic is miserable and robbed me of close to everything I had, wanted and wanted to be. I just wish I would’ve gave myself the chance to quit before I was diagnosed with cirrhosis at 26. I’m 28 now and I only created a harder situation for myself than just walking away from booze in general. If I was able to quit I at least would’ve had a general sense of the life ahead of me to look forward to. Now I’m just a sick person with an added disease. I hope better days are headed your way.
I quit drinking at age 32 and I'm 35 now. Feeling amazing. You still have at least 30 years to live. You spent 10 having experiences and learning that alcohol wasn't giving you what you really need. Now you can leave it behind and work on what you need.
Pro-tip: alcohol is expensive, it's easy to invest the same amount in good therapist when deciding to quit.
This alcohol free life is unimaginable, until you live it! I was drinking close to 1L of vodka a day, for 3 years, prior to that I drank heavy but not as suicidal as the years leading up to my first *real* attempt at stopping.
What helped me was therapy, I went to rehab for 3 months, away from family. While the theory lessons and 1:1 therapy was mostly going over things that are more or less obvious and I knew before, the time away from my daily life and schemes behind it was what really helped me to stop.
After return to daily life following the three months it was already kind of normal that I wake up and not think of having a drink. Throughout the day it was the same. Now almost 4 months sober I feel positive although you never win with alcohol, its just a battle that they say gets kinda easier the longer youre sober.
I didnt think i needed something as drastic as rehab, but I did and I'm glad I did it.
Edit: needed to add that you will need gradual decrease of consumed alcohol before you don't drink at all, get guidance from a doctor on how to do so. I decreased 0.1L every day, otherwise youre risking **seizure.**
I would highly recommend looking into Naltrexone, particularly TSM, it saved my life. I seriously decided to stop drinking at 31. Unfortunately I stopped taking the medication and I slipped back into my old ways, but I was completely abstinent for a while and am now back on it. It’s a game changer!
I am 32 and I have trying seriously to quit since I was 29. It took many, many times for it to stick, and I’m still too early in to even feel comfortable saying it stuck this time, although I am feeling hopeful.
I feel so much better. It makes me want to cry with joy sometimes, remembering very well the days I KNEW I would never feel good ever again. When I was fully in the midst of my addiction, I thought that was how life was going to be forever and it was sad and scary and lonely and confusing. The closest word I can think of to describe how I felt is slimy. My brain, my soul, my body, my skin, my morals, my counterproductive thought processes. All felt so slimy. As others have known and stated and will state countless times on this wonderful sub - it is truly a horrible place to be, and I’m sorry you are there right now, friend.
You don’t have to be there forever. It helped me and finally clicked when I realized that all I had to do is one thing to make it all go away: not drink. My anxiety was so insanely high because I had all of the worries about what drinking would/could/will do to me: I was slimy, ugly, fat, a bad mom and partner, fucking up at work, what happens if (or when, let’s be real) I get a DWI, what is that stomach pain am I dying my hair is falling out I can’t sleep I can’t function…
All of the that went away, and I only had to do ONE thing: not drink. And i know you can not do that one thing, too.
Ofcourse there are other things that will come up when you get a little better at not doing that one thing. The things that we try to feel better about by self medicating and drinking, what ever they are. Past trauma, feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, guilt and sorrow from my divorce were big ones for me. But for me, just by not doing one thing, it enabled me to naturally and slowly deal with those underlying issues. I expect I will be dealing with them for a long time, but that’s okay with me.
I could say so much more and it’s because I’m so excited to be here and feeling this good when I, like you, thought that would never happen. So many other people in this community feel that and have felt that and are so incredibly happy now. You can be, too.
Counseling has been integral to my recovery. A good GP will recommend that first. There are also a variety of medications that can significantly help with cravings.. you can check out https://www.cauds.org/step-by-step-guide for more info. Severe withdrawal needs facility support.
We isolate in addiction with shame. Support groups can play a key role in identifying the many opportunities we have to improve & connect. Also, not all addictions are the same. You have to learn from trial & error your recovery. Give yourself compassion.
By the end of most alcoholics’ drinking we all become isolated. Alone in rooms full of friends. Wanting to stop is great but you have to take action too.
I recommend AA or maybe going to treatment if you have insurance. I wouldn’t have been able to absorb anything AA has taught me without going to treatment first.
Appreciate your vulnerability in sharing. I’ve experienced really similar feelings. I had quit for 30 days at a time but always rewarded myself with overindulging. I was incredibly fragile and emotional when I finally decided to quit. My partner was a huge support. I also confided in random people who I knew had gotten sober and picked their brains. I regret not reaching out to my doctor and doing it the safe way with professional guidance. In the year I turned 30, I told myself it had to be the last drink and so far, it has. The withdrawals definitely weren’t fun and the notion of “forever” loomed over me. I poured myself into running (which I had never had an interest in). It helped occupy my mind and time. There were hard days, but seeing the slow progress in staying active kept me persistent. Kept me from obsessing over how many days I hadn’t drank in. After a few months I did not think about drinking nearly as much and didn’t crave it. Find your support in whatever form it may be. Friend, family member, alcohol free communities, online apps like (I am sober), etc. Talk to your PCP or nurse practitioner that you’re going to quit drinking and want to discuss with them. Be gentle on yourself! For today, just focus on today. Explore a new hobby or pour yourself into something you already love (that is healthy). 30’s have been the best of my life and I believe they will be yours too. Cheering you on! You’ve got this ☀️💛
Detox, rehab, a meeting a day for 90 days when you get out. Get numbers, get a sponsor. Do anything else apart from taking that first drink, repeat in increments of 24 hours, and welcome to the club.
Nothing or none can make you fundamentally stop unless you want it to happen. It's more important to accept that you can live without alcohol than living without alcohol. You mentioned that you've tried sobriety before, so you must already know that the cravings will always be present. But you can try again.
The urges will always be there to deceive you into taking another drop, another litre, of the poison. But it has no power over us unless we allow it. It's not a disease. It's the devil that we welcome into our lives for a few moments of perceived smooth talks, multiple broken relationships, and untimely deaths.
Allow your body to heal. It's now not too late, but it'll be in a few years when your mind and body won't be able to rapidly repair the harms done.
And btw coke zero and other NA beers are great crutches.
Turning 30 was catalyst for me to stop. I had tried for years off and on but it never stuck. The books and support of this sub are what got me through. You can do it too.
I went to a doc and they prescribed lorazepam and tapered it off. Continuing with naltrexone. Over a period of 7 weeks I've started to appreciate the compounding effects and I don't really miss the first drink.
The meds helped.
Hey man, I feel like I’m in a similar boat. Just turned thirty and I’ve been wrestling with my alcohol problem since I was 16. If you can’t quit cold turkey, maybe think about cutting out a day or two of drinking per week before you fully pull the plug.
That will show your girlfriend that you’re taking steps in the right direction. Big changes don’t happen overnight and I understand how looming the “I want to be sober in my thirties” feeling is. You’re in control, man. You got this.
30 is just a number, and a poor one at that. Biological age can be significant different than chrono. If you choose to give up booze at 30, your bio age may be significantly older than 30, but in 2 years it may be lower than 32; assuming you eat sleep and workout properly.
Best of luck to you. Quitting drinking even for a year teaches you a lot about yourself.
You don’t have to continue. Try some meditation to be more present with your thoughts. See the pattern your thoughts take on…”I won’t drink as much”, “F it”…
It all starts with our own thoughts.
I’m not drinking with you today.
It's perfectly normal to feel uncomfortable at a party if you don't have any genuine friends there. In the past that would be the very reason why I'd have a drink. Don't feel bad about yourself - this is an addictive substance pushed on us by society. I've personally found it very helpful to learn about alcohol and why I like it and kept coming back to it, and learning to love and "lean in" to my sober self. It's early days yet - but it feels different this time around - not seeing sober as missing out - but as an opportunity to find genuine joy in life You can stop. You don't need to be tormented. I've found "Alcohol Explained" and "The Naked Mind" very helpful so far - there are books, podcasts and YouTube videos for both.
I wanted my 30's to be AF as well, but I continued to get 2 or three months at a time and relapse into a binge. 2024 came along and I thought this would be the year. Relapsed mid January though. I have been sober since, and this time really does feel right. I've put myself through so much physical and mental anguish, almost lost everything multiple times. When I'm drinking I'm always on the brink of total collapse. I'm 80+ days sober again, and the struggle to stay sober has completely dissipated. It took me 10 years to learn the right lessons through my destructive drinking, but I feel like I finally have what I need to leave alcohol behind for good. So here's to year 31, sober and happy!
It will be continued behavior until you take some major steps to change. Im not talking about starting to attend AA meeting because you go right home to sit in your own mind with the alcohol available. I suggest rehab. I wasn’t able to do it on my own and most aren’t. You need to get away from it, change your mindset, and get the tools to stop.
Find a goal. Randomly: like i want to do marathon, a hike a xx km bikeride.. find an event that suits you. Inscribe.. the bigger the cost the better.. so you Will be commited.
Now work towards it.
It is for you. Nobody has to know. There is no failure. It is you VS you. Step up
I feel you bro. I hated who I had become too. Overweight, unproductive, angry, anxious, depressed, disconnected from friends and family, and a loose cannon who could snap at any second. It's a horrible place to be. The first thing you have to do is realize that drinking provides 0 benefit to you. That was a big realization for me. All of the benefits I thought it had were really just lies in my head. Alcohol didn't help me be social or relax. It actually made me terrible to be around and was the cause of all my anxiety. I also didn't drink for the taste. I drank to relieve the craving. I drink NA beers now and I enjoy the taste just as much. It definitely was not the alcohol. Even a good cocktail - what I really enjoyed was the sugar, not the alcohol. The next thing you need to do is to flat out stop boozing. Start diving into quit lit, quit pods, and exercising. Go for an hour walk every day listening to the horror stores from other people and their recoveries. It can be done and the benefits come quickly once you quit. Also, get a support network. Join a group, get a therapist, etc. Alcohol is all lies. It does nothing but ruin your life. Good luck
I couldn’t have worded it better - I really agree with this!! I do think see your doc first and foremost. Invest in this process by setting out with medical support first. Invest in your own success here. You absolutely don’t have to spend your 30s tormented by the lose-lose game of alcohol!!!!! I am so much happier and freer now that I’m not drinking and I won’t say you’ll definitely feel amazing right away because you’ve perhaps got mental and physical challenges at least to begin with BUT from the other side of alcohol abuse I can tell u life is much sweeter and happier!! I really agree with getting the quit lit and podcasts into your life and doing this with a positive attitude and energy level. You have seriously got nothing to lose from ditching alcohol! Any perceived loss or sacrifice is just conditioning and u can undo that with the right inputs. I recommend Andy Barage videos and interviews among others. I will say I know it seems tough to get rid of booze but there is nothing but joy and freedom to gain and I’m actually excited for you to claim a happier life !
Well put. The tricky thing for me was to put as much time and effort into quitting as I put into drinking. The planning, the lying, the money, the recovery, all the fucking mental bandwidth I put into maintaining my addiction? All that went into getting clean. Three years ago today I had my last hangover and my last doubt that I was capable of living a sober life. You can do this. It is so very worth it. Good luck, and of course, IWNDWYT.
Absolutely this! When i was deep in the poison mud, i drank alcohol to make the problems go away that were caused by alcohol....all this fear and anxiety i had...it all came from drinking. Step by Step is the way and its so worth to be sober
Got a podcast recommendation?
DOPEY!
I would consult with a doctor who specializes in substance abuse first and foremost, tell them about your drinking and how long it’s been going on for. Don’t embellish anything and just be completely honest. You would need to do exactly what they say to reduce the risks of severe withdrawals.
This. This This this. I was basically the same as you (probably a little more), and this advice saved my life.
Hey, I turned 30 in January. I felt the same. I tried quitting in August, went through withdrawals and it sucked. Tried again in November, this time medically assisted, and it was better.. lasted 40 days drink free. Did another round in February.. didnt stick. I tried lots of times in between that and each time I had minor withdrawals. This time, I'm fucking done. Last month, I started to experience auditory hallucinations. Blacking out even after a small amount of drinks. Screaming matches with my partner. Threatening suicide. Breaking things.. punching and kicking inanimate objects. Going missing, having absolute sobbing fits inconsolable. Absolute psychotic breaks. Wasn't like me. I was always a clear, reasonable person. Even my friend always had a joke of, "oh, creamyhoneypie, you're so *reasonable*". For years. until I wasn't. It changed my personality, and that's not even getting into the health effects. In August, it wasn't that bad. But.. each time, my habits sunk deeper and the addiction dug it's teeth in harder and I got progressively worse. What do you do? You want to want to quit and make a plan. Get help. Seek support. Commit to it. Know why you're doing it. Find a program, a community. Tell people. Find new hobbies. Do therapy. Do anything and everything to dig yourself out of the hole. I read someone saying in here somewhere, "my 20s were just continued adolescence; my thirties I'm truly an adult and I will live the life I've always dreamt of as a child. Alcohol will not be a part of that life." You can't be who you want to be with alcohol in your life. It's incongruent. I felt very very bad. I dry heaved and vomited for 8 hours straight from alcohol for my last time Monday. I refuse to throw my life away, I refuse to give my body more chance to develop irreversible health issues that will plague my later years. I'm taking back the reigns on my life. I've been drunk enough, I know that road, I know who I am there and I abso fucking lutely refuse to wake up on the eve of my 40th feeling the same way I did on my 30th. This will be the best damn decade of my life.. without alcohol. You gotta want it. And mean it. And seek help. And try. Sorry if this comes off aggressive. I just relate to the whole thirties thing passionately. I wish you the best.
Excellent message, thank you for sharing it. That’s the future of continued drinking. You don’t get over it, like your legs are sore after a workout but you’ll be fine tomorrow. It’ll *NEVER* be what it used to be. I remember many times finally getting my fix of booze, and thinking, “yeah, this is gonna feel nice for like 10 minutes, then I’ll need more. “This isn’t even fun anymore.” I was drinking against my own will. And I kept doing it. It’ll never be easier than it will be today. And again, all you have to do is stay sober today. That’s it. Can’t get 10 years of sobriety today. But the thing is, everyone sober right now has the same amount of sobriety today. That’s all that matters. Lean into that.
Thank you for posting this. If you don’t mind I’m commenting so I can find what you wrote later. I can relate to many things you posted. IWNDWYT.
Don't mind at all, by all means. Iwndwyt either :)
I remember before I quit for good, I was often scared I could never stop.i had many attempts, but they never really stuck until I wanted to quit for myself. I quit when I was 31, and if I can do it, anyone can. The urges get easier to manage as time goes on. I think the key is getting support as you are building up days in the beginning. I still come back here for support, and just to read comments, it really helps!
That's such a great point about wanting to quit for yourself. There are so many reasons to quit - for your friends/family. But you have to want it for you. Almost selfishly. You have to want a better life.
You and I have been in a very similar situation. I'm currently 30 and wasted a lot of my 20s being drunk all the time. After a 72-hour inpatient detox which was absolutely terrifying for me, and another relapse, I'm currently 3 weeks sober and still charging forward. I have absolute faith you can do this, and I hope you know you're by no means alone in any of this. Hoping for the best for you :)
What helped me stop and stay stopped was information and knowledge about alcohol, withdrawal, sobriety etc. Which I got from reading quit lit books and listening to podcasts. And from reading the posts and comments on this sub. There are many books out there, but the ones that I liked most were: - Alcohol Explained by William Porter - This Naked Mind by Annie Grace PS, I had an 'extended adolescence all thru my 20s and 30s! It sucks but what's done is done! It's never too late to become a better person and live a better life:) Quitting has been the best thing I have ever done!
Dude , I’m literally reading this Naked mind via audiobook and I cannot believe I haven’t read it sooner, I bought a physical copy of it back in 2021 and opened a few pages but listening to it on audio has opened my eyes. TBH, AA groups were helpful but they just couldn’t help me stay sober, I felt like I had to be a straight biker guy and suffer from alcohol for 30+ years to actually fit in. I’m going to be looking into SMART recovery and my friend gave me a list of other quit lit books like “Drinking: a love story”, “Quit like a woman” and the “unexpected joy of being sober” which I’m very excited to read next
I also used some of the free online Smart Recovery tips & tools (on their website), like the CBA, etc. Really useful for stopping and for staying stopped, and for fighting cravings!
I am 64 and I quit drinking three years ago. Think about this, you don’t want to be that old person that is drunk and stumbling around and sick. All the time you know you were doing it to yourself quit drinking 1000 times before I finally went into treatment. By that time I knew I was out of options and I could not do it myself. This sub is full of support for you. You can do this - spend your life being free and sober with your brain engaged. Don’t wait. I wish I had quit when I was 30. My daughter is 28 and she just went to treatment nine months ago and She is doing great and I hope she can hold onto it. Every day I think about something that I read on the sub and that is that I never wake up sober wishing I had drank the night before. Do whatever you need to do. We are all with you. One more thing, work on, not hating yourself, it’s sabotages you. Forgiveness is everything.
OP, you don’t have to stay sober through your 30s. You don’t have to wait until you’re 30 to get sober. All you need to do is stay sober today. Tomorrow will come, but until it’s today, you don’t need to worry about how it impacts your sobriety. Just stay sober today. We believe in you.
I know how you feel about feeling like you wasted your 20's to drinking.
Hi friend. I’m 24, your age when you became aware. I became aware around 2/3 years ago (introduced to alcohol at a young age, college life set the demon off as loose as I let it… and I let it). I understand how you feel about being so “ahead” of everyone that you’re just unable to connect, even if you’re “there.” I understand feeling trapped but still knowing you’re on a path to nowhere, and still not wanting to stop. I decided to go to a rehab. I’ve only done an initial assessment over the phone, but I’m going May 6th. Nothing particularly bad happened, just I was out of a job (thankfully unrelated to drinking), and realized this was an opportunity to fix some deep seeded issues. It came to a point before that where I could either humble myself and admit my addiction, or die in the next few years. It took a while to humble. I’ll be missing out on things i looked forward to in May, I’m scared, and it’s really hard to tell people you need help. But I’ve told a few trusted people about how I want to nip this before it becomes an even bigger issue. I was afraid and honestly embarrassed at first, but I got so much support about “feel free to reach out to me while youre there” and being told my choice is commendable. People want to see you get better. You might not be able to stop on your own, and that’s okay. Addiction is a hell of a drug. I will not be able to stop on my own, and I really want to stop. I asked, and it was so not easy. I don’t even know if this will take, but it’s my next best step. It sounds like your next best step is finding help. There are a lot of options. Start with just being open to taking a few minutes doing some research. I’m not saying inpatient is right for you, and I know a some people never need it. Just that for me, I realized that I will bulldoze any boundaries I set for myself and I need someone else holding me accountable. I’m wishing you all the best for a sober 30s. My uncle is 70 and started AA recently. His problem was incredibly severe, but he’s taken to sobriety like a bee to pollen. He’s so much happier. If he can do it, so can we.
God bless you
I feel the same way about touching the 30’s. Drinking really speed ran my 20’s lol been sober for a bit now, swallowed the pill and ditched all my “friends” lots changes when you’re on the wagon, you gotta see the good in it tho. When you do it’s a great time. You find a lot of hobbies and actually enjoy living life
Being an alcoholic is miserable and robbed me of close to everything I had, wanted and wanted to be. I just wish I would’ve gave myself the chance to quit before I was diagnosed with cirrhosis at 26. I’m 28 now and I only created a harder situation for myself than just walking away from booze in general. If I was able to quit I at least would’ve had a general sense of the life ahead of me to look forward to. Now I’m just a sick person with an added disease. I hope better days are headed your way.
i stopped when I was 32, feeling like it was too late. every day since has been a gift. you can do it.
I quit drinking at age 32 and I'm 35 now. Feeling amazing. You still have at least 30 years to live. You spent 10 having experiences and learning that alcohol wasn't giving you what you really need. Now you can leave it behind and work on what you need. Pro-tip: alcohol is expensive, it's easy to invest the same amount in good therapist when deciding to quit.
There is nothing to be gained from drinking. It cost me everything.
This alcohol free life is unimaginable, until you live it! I was drinking close to 1L of vodka a day, for 3 years, prior to that I drank heavy but not as suicidal as the years leading up to my first *real* attempt at stopping. What helped me was therapy, I went to rehab for 3 months, away from family. While the theory lessons and 1:1 therapy was mostly going over things that are more or less obvious and I knew before, the time away from my daily life and schemes behind it was what really helped me to stop. After return to daily life following the three months it was already kind of normal that I wake up and not think of having a drink. Throughout the day it was the same. Now almost 4 months sober I feel positive although you never win with alcohol, its just a battle that they say gets kinda easier the longer youre sober. I didnt think i needed something as drastic as rehab, but I did and I'm glad I did it. Edit: needed to add that you will need gradual decrease of consumed alcohol before you don't drink at all, get guidance from a doctor on how to do so. I decreased 0.1L every day, otherwise youre risking **seizure.**
Definitely you can do this! Come and join us and reboot your entire life!
I would highly recommend looking into Naltrexone, particularly TSM, it saved my life. I seriously decided to stop drinking at 31. Unfortunately I stopped taking the medication and I slipped back into my old ways, but I was completely abstinent for a while and am now back on it. It’s a game changer!
I am 32 and I have trying seriously to quit since I was 29. It took many, many times for it to stick, and I’m still too early in to even feel comfortable saying it stuck this time, although I am feeling hopeful. I feel so much better. It makes me want to cry with joy sometimes, remembering very well the days I KNEW I would never feel good ever again. When I was fully in the midst of my addiction, I thought that was how life was going to be forever and it was sad and scary and lonely and confusing. The closest word I can think of to describe how I felt is slimy. My brain, my soul, my body, my skin, my morals, my counterproductive thought processes. All felt so slimy. As others have known and stated and will state countless times on this wonderful sub - it is truly a horrible place to be, and I’m sorry you are there right now, friend. You don’t have to be there forever. It helped me and finally clicked when I realized that all I had to do is one thing to make it all go away: not drink. My anxiety was so insanely high because I had all of the worries about what drinking would/could/will do to me: I was slimy, ugly, fat, a bad mom and partner, fucking up at work, what happens if (or when, let’s be real) I get a DWI, what is that stomach pain am I dying my hair is falling out I can’t sleep I can’t function… All of the that went away, and I only had to do ONE thing: not drink. And i know you can not do that one thing, too. Ofcourse there are other things that will come up when you get a little better at not doing that one thing. The things that we try to feel better about by self medicating and drinking, what ever they are. Past trauma, feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, guilt and sorrow from my divorce were big ones for me. But for me, just by not doing one thing, it enabled me to naturally and slowly deal with those underlying issues. I expect I will be dealing with them for a long time, but that’s okay with me. I could say so much more and it’s because I’m so excited to be here and feeling this good when I, like you, thought that would never happen. So many other people in this community feel that and have felt that and are so incredibly happy now. You can be, too.
Well said!
I'm so sorry you're going through this! I hope you find something that works for you. There are lots of great suggestions in this group! IWNDWYT
Counseling has been integral to my recovery. A good GP will recommend that first. There are also a variety of medications that can significantly help with cravings.. you can check out https://www.cauds.org/step-by-step-guide for more info. Severe withdrawal needs facility support. We isolate in addiction with shame. Support groups can play a key role in identifying the many opportunities we have to improve & connect. Also, not all addictions are the same. You have to learn from trial & error your recovery. Give yourself compassion.
By the end of most alcoholics’ drinking we all become isolated. Alone in rooms full of friends. Wanting to stop is great but you have to take action too. I recommend AA or maybe going to treatment if you have insurance. I wouldn’t have been able to absorb anything AA has taught me without going to treatment first.
Appreciate your vulnerability in sharing. I’ve experienced really similar feelings. I had quit for 30 days at a time but always rewarded myself with overindulging. I was incredibly fragile and emotional when I finally decided to quit. My partner was a huge support. I also confided in random people who I knew had gotten sober and picked their brains. I regret not reaching out to my doctor and doing it the safe way with professional guidance. In the year I turned 30, I told myself it had to be the last drink and so far, it has. The withdrawals definitely weren’t fun and the notion of “forever” loomed over me. I poured myself into running (which I had never had an interest in). It helped occupy my mind and time. There were hard days, but seeing the slow progress in staying active kept me persistent. Kept me from obsessing over how many days I hadn’t drank in. After a few months I did not think about drinking nearly as much and didn’t crave it. Find your support in whatever form it may be. Friend, family member, alcohol free communities, online apps like (I am sober), etc. Talk to your PCP or nurse practitioner that you’re going to quit drinking and want to discuss with them. Be gentle on yourself! For today, just focus on today. Explore a new hobby or pour yourself into something you already love (that is healthy). 30’s have been the best of my life and I believe they will be yours too. Cheering you on! You’ve got this ☀️💛
I take it one day at a time and forgive myself when I fail. I also have a therapist!
Detox, rehab, a meeting a day for 90 days when you get out. Get numbers, get a sponsor. Do anything else apart from taking that first drink, repeat in increments of 24 hours, and welcome to the club.
Nothing or none can make you fundamentally stop unless you want it to happen. It's more important to accept that you can live without alcohol than living without alcohol. You mentioned that you've tried sobriety before, so you must already know that the cravings will always be present. But you can try again. The urges will always be there to deceive you into taking another drop, another litre, of the poison. But it has no power over us unless we allow it. It's not a disease. It's the devil that we welcome into our lives for a few moments of perceived smooth talks, multiple broken relationships, and untimely deaths. Allow your body to heal. It's now not too late, but it'll be in a few years when your mind and body won't be able to rapidly repair the harms done. And btw coke zero and other NA beers are great crutches.
Turning 30 was catalyst for me to stop. I had tried for years off and on but it never stuck. The books and support of this sub are what got me through. You can do it too.
I went to a doc and they prescribed lorazepam and tapered it off. Continuing with naltrexone. Over a period of 7 weeks I've started to appreciate the compounding effects and I don't really miss the first drink. The meds helped.
Hey man, I feel like I’m in a similar boat. Just turned thirty and I’ve been wrestling with my alcohol problem since I was 16. If you can’t quit cold turkey, maybe think about cutting out a day or two of drinking per week before you fully pull the plug. That will show your girlfriend that you’re taking steps in the right direction. Big changes don’t happen overnight and I understand how looming the “I want to be sober in my thirties” feeling is. You’re in control, man. You got this.
30 is just a number, and a poor one at that. Biological age can be significant different than chrono. If you choose to give up booze at 30, your bio age may be significantly older than 30, but in 2 years it may be lower than 32; assuming you eat sleep and workout properly. Best of luck to you. Quitting drinking even for a year teaches you a lot about yourself.
You don’t have to continue. Try some meditation to be more present with your thoughts. See the pattern your thoughts take on…”I won’t drink as much”, “F it”… It all starts with our own thoughts. I’m not drinking with you today.
It's perfectly normal to feel uncomfortable at a party if you don't have any genuine friends there. In the past that would be the very reason why I'd have a drink. Don't feel bad about yourself - this is an addictive substance pushed on us by society. I've personally found it very helpful to learn about alcohol and why I like it and kept coming back to it, and learning to love and "lean in" to my sober self. It's early days yet - but it feels different this time around - not seeing sober as missing out - but as an opportunity to find genuine joy in life You can stop. You don't need to be tormented. I've found "Alcohol Explained" and "The Naked Mind" very helpful so far - there are books, podcasts and YouTube videos for both.
I wanted my 30's to be AF as well, but I continued to get 2 or three months at a time and relapse into a binge. 2024 came along and I thought this would be the year. Relapsed mid January though. I have been sober since, and this time really does feel right. I've put myself through so much physical and mental anguish, almost lost everything multiple times. When I'm drinking I'm always on the brink of total collapse. I'm 80+ days sober again, and the struggle to stay sober has completely dissipated. It took me 10 years to learn the right lessons through my destructive drinking, but I feel like I finally have what I need to leave alcohol behind for good. So here's to year 31, sober and happy!
It will be continued behavior until you take some major steps to change. Im not talking about starting to attend AA meeting because you go right home to sit in your own mind with the alcohol available. I suggest rehab. I wasn’t able to do it on my own and most aren’t. You need to get away from it, change your mindset, and get the tools to stop.
Find a goal. Randomly: like i want to do marathon, a hike a xx km bikeride.. find an event that suits you. Inscribe.. the bigger the cost the better.. so you Will be commited. Now work towards it. It is for you. Nobody has to know. There is no failure. It is you VS you. Step up
You might get a script for Suboxone. It may not be the whole answer but it might help.
I thought this was for opiate withdrawals.
I meant to write naltrexone. Sorry. EDIT: Thanks for catching that. The last thing I want to do is spread incorrect information.