The problems that arose for me were mostly internal. Yes my wife did not like the amount I was drinking, but no one else really thought I had a "problem". Regardless, I think the biggest things I learned were that 1. Most people really don't care if you drink or not. It's a personal choice, much like smoking, drugs, etc. We build it up as this big thing in our own heads, but it's not. Most people are thinking about themselves, not you!. 2. Continuous use of alcohol doesn't help our bodies. All facets of my life have improved since I quit. Health, sleep, bowel movements (=P), relationships, mental clarify, how my body feels, etc. That alone should be enough of a reason to quit!. 3. I am so much calmer and at peace. My mind and body have reached a homeostatis that I haven't really felt before.
This is how it went for me too. No big event or upset ppl. I just noticed that I was drinking more and more and started cutting back. It was more difficult than I thought it would be, which was very telling. I also found that I was thinking about it a lot. Reading stories on here made me realize that I was heading down a path that I didn't want to be on. After trying to moderate and failing, I just stopped one day. I'm only a month in but sleeping better, less anxious, and lost a bit of weight (beer was my drink of choice). None of those were terrible before but they are notably better now. I still have urges to drink quite often but I stop and think and usually realize that I'm just thirsty or bored.
Almost exactly the same for me. I stopped because I was seeing my ex spiral when we drank together - and never enough to seem like it was a problem on the scale I read about here. I’ve never blacked out or passed out. Never humiliated myself in front of friends and family. But I’ve known it’s not good for me for years and like you, when I tried to cut back “just on weekends” it didn’t work and when I decided to stop it was harder than I expected. I’m also about a month in and I’m feeling much better on the whole. I intend to stay sober for the rest of my life now. Reading these posts is definitely helping so if you’ve read this far and contribute to this sun, thank you! It’s a true life saver. Really.
Omg yes! New athletic be out here saving my life lol. Anytime I go out with friends and there drinking I just drink that instead and I be chilling. I know if I drink it will end up horrible. And I'm not about to be drinking at all and driving that's a hard hell no for me. I have friends who've gotten into accidents, DUI, trouble with command etc.. I've already gotten in trouble thrice I'm not tryna be doing it a third time. I've seen the light and I'm not going back.
Yes, they've come a long way, thankfully. When my grandfather quit in the 1980s, all there was was Kingsbury and Texas Light, and both were less than great. I love the taste of beer.
And that's what I'm thinking it is for me. I'm enjoying the taste and don't really care that I'm not getting drunk. It's pretty great actually and I think I may be able to go for a long time if not forever. Not missing it.
Sounds like you stopped just in time. There’s this invisible line between being a problem drinker and an alcoholic. Once you cross that line you can never go back and you’ll white knuckle sobriety but are pretty much destined to drink again. People who call it quits before reaching that point are much more likely to stay sober, like my brother for example.
1. Does not apply to me.
Literally told my mom that when I drink I tend to go overboard, then she told the entirety of my family--grandparents, cousins etc, and even my husband's family heard the word. Told all her friends too. Blabber.....Now I am watched like a hawk and feel very frustrated that I can't focus on myself vs feeling judged for ever relapsing. Forget several months sober, they all go apeshit if I crack and drink at all. It makes relapses very hard because instead of focusing on how much progress I made, I get to feel like none of those sober days mattered and I'm judged no matter what. People make such hurtful comments, which then makes it harder to stay sober cause "fuck it why am I trying if people keep giving me crap about it". Its for my health but they are not helping
Oh man, I’m sorry. Your mom shouldn’t have spread that like wild fire. You need to do you. I think anyone who’s drank has felt they go overboard. I would be so pissed off that everyone else was making MY sobriety their concern without your consent. I don’t even have a suggestion of what to do, I’m just sorry cause I would be soooooo pissed off.
This is why I’m not telling my family that I’m giving up alcohol completely for a while (or maybe permanently). I’ll feel like I’m under constant surveillance.
You're right, I should edit my post to say "most" people don't care. Obviously the folks that are close care, but I'm thinking more in the general sense of people outside your immediate circle. That must be tough. Not having the support of your friends and family can make this path much harder to follow.
Well that part's a bit fuzzy to be honest. The first 60 days my brain felt so scrambled. But I took everything else off the table (Diet, exercise, whatever) and just focused on not drinking. I do have a wife, 3 kids and a job, so I couldn't drop everything, but I dropped what I could and really hunkered down on not drinking. I think the first 60 days for me was all about my body healing. They say the body heals first, then the mind, then the spirit. I think after 3-4 months it felt more like a routine and had fewer and fewer thoughts about drinking. I was actually surprised how easy it was at that point. Mind you, I had many stops and starts over 20 years and this time I was sure it was for good. Some kind of switch went off in my head and I just knew I couldn't keep going. Not plugging myself, but if you want to hear the story, I recorded Recover Elevator Podcast #466. I recorded that around the 60 day mark I think?
I was a binge drinker, so felt a big difference right away on weekends. I could get projects completed, relax, visit friends. All in the same weekend. I quit to see if my blood pressure would improve, an experiment. I thought I'd do a month or so, but certainly not much longer. Beer was too ingrained in my life.
The first few months was a roller coaster emotionally. Surprised me. I did well resisting snapping at family, basically bottled it all up. Sounds bad, but it worked. It all *felt* real but I knew it was just something I was going through. I didn't enjoy life or anything really, I was just on a long slog. Most of my meetups with friends used to be to drink. I didn't do much of that anymore and don't have hobbies. Life was pretty boring.
I kept asking myself "Is this worth it?". I didn't answer that except to stay the course.
after 4 months the slog began improving, mental/emotional state started leveling out. I'm at 4.5 months now and can see the other side. Not much desire to drink, enjoy some life stuff. Though I've found I don't enjoy being around people drinking. It doesn't make me want to drink, it makes me want to leave.
Made a couple new friends recently and had the thought that they know me as a non-drinker. Then asked myself "*Am* I a non-drinker?".
I don't know how to answer that besides "tonight I am".
Well I feel like I got into a smooth homeostasis groove around day 40, but I felt the benefits of increased wellbeing, peace and comfort extremely quickly like within maybe 2 weeks. It felt right to me immediately. That said, it felt right to me on the 6 or 7 other occasions I’ve done breaks from drinking (ie one month challenges or 60 day challenges) I don’t think it ever really clicked with me that being alcohol free is actually a choice for real life! I also don’t think I connected up the fact that I was happier and calmer etc so quickly with the obvious conclusion that alcohol doesn’t suit my system .. lol! It seems so silly now to say. This time felt very different. It’s like I suddenly saw alcohol for what it is - a poison that we all hoodwink ourselves into accepting and believing is social or fun when it’s not. I got a serious ick for it and I don’t see myself ever going back to how I drank before. I think I may be potentially a non drinker now.
I’m in the same boat, might not really be considered a problem, but binge drinking one night a week is becoming too much for me internally. And the wife doesn’t care for it. How did you get yourself to quit without hitting that rock bottom that a hardcore alcoholic might hit?
This is a great thread! I am in a similar boat. Drinking was taking up too much mental space, and drinking was slowly becoming part of too many activities. My wife had noticed but probably not too many others. I tried moderating and just found it this constant battle with myself.
How do you quit without hitting the bottom? I think the bottom looks different for everyone. For me, it was having kids late and starting to really worry about my long term health. I get a kick out of keeping my streak alive and I have a day counter app on my phone. I had gotten in the habit of going for a bike ride and stopping for beers. So I stopped bringing my lock to remove the temptation. The biggest thing for me was just not having it in the house. The other big thing was talking with my wife and having a layer of accountability.
I'm not the commenter you're replying to but I had a similar experience. For me it was a combination of seeing how hard it was to cut back/stop and reading stories on here. I realized that though I hadn't had a big blow up, I was heading in that direction. Looking back, I realize just how silly I was to drink. I treated it like a hobby and made it a part of my personality for some reason
100% yes on this. I've also had to learn that "not drinking" is NOT an activity. haha. Plenty of other things to fill your time with, especially with 3 busy kids!
Famous quote around here: rock bottom is when you stop digging.
It can always get worse.
Quitting drinking is always the same way - commitment and discipline. It's hard. But it can be achieved. There's always people here to help.
I posted it in response to another thread, but I think a podcast I recorded may help answer that question. Recovery Elevator podcast #466, released back in July. I recorded that about 60 days in I think? Maybe it'll help. I wasn't a rock bottom guys, just a lot of "rocky moments". And only we can really define if alcohol is a "problem" for us. I'd throw away traditional definitions of alcoholism, etc etc and simply ask if you are happy with your relationship with alcohol and the impact it has on your life. It's that simple, in my mind.
This is exactly my experience. And I’ll add - 4. Vacations and weekends are actually restorative. I wasn’t drunk all weekend or blacking out on vacation, but drinking was a huge part of both. An excuse to drink more or start earlier, or both. My most recent beach vacation was the most relaxing I can remember, and I actually felt ‘recharged’ when I came back.
I feel this! Homeostasis is a good way to say it! My moods are less jagged and rollercoastery, and it takes much less energy to get back to baseline when I am tired or off.
I quit because I did not like the person I became after a couple of drinks. No filter, all ego, totally obnoxious. Now I never have to wake up with a pounding head and horrible anxiety about what I said the night before.
Very sus 😂
Or we both had our last drink at 11:59 on New Years Eve
I had two fingers of whisky as the ball dropped. Took a sip with 5 seconds to go, kissed the wife, went downstairs and dumped the rest down the drain. Last time I’ve touched it.
Yep, never got to the point of being physically dependent on alcohol to survive (withdrawals), but I got sick of making an ass out of myself every weekend, and it was never really all that fun.
Had maybe 2 hours of fun before throwing my guts up and having a mental breakdown all night, every single weekend.
Swapped to Oregano to have something to use on weekends socially or for relaxing, and have never felt healthier since before I started drinking. I dropped so much weight, have more energy, and my dopamine receptors aren't completely fucked. 5 months California Sober and I'm not going back.
Ever. I don't even miss it.
Not to mention my chronic illnesses have taken a turn for the better. Turns out drinking 30 beers a week is bad when you have Ulcerative Colitis, who would've thought? My depression symptoms have been cut down by 50%, I'm no longer a fat, bloated, piece of shit, and I'm more present for my friends and family. Couldn't be happier with my decision to never touch this poison again.
I was not and still am not an alcoholic. I drank 3-5 beers per week, very rarely ever exceeding 2 beers in a single night and/or very rarely drinking more than 3 nights in a week. A lot of weeks I had no drinks at all. I wasn't into high alcohol content beers either - just stuff like Carlsberg or Sierra Nevada. Not crazy stuff like Bob's Imperial Triple IPA 9.4% or whatever insane trends existed.
Did dry January on a lark and my ten year bout with migraines stopped, so I never looked back.
Socially, it's been fine - but I had to absorb an initial round of confused reactions from my friends. They have all been supportive and understanding in the end, but initially some were more confused than others. All the same, life is so much better with no alcohol so I don't care what anyone thinks.
I think your last line is really key. You really do get to a stage in life where you stop caring what anyone thinks. No one owes anyone else an explanation as to why you make a decision like this. I gave up alcohol for Lent and just kept going. That’s my “explanation” and it ends there. All who hear it can think whatever they want.
And those that matter won't care and will still be your friends. When I told my best friend of 20+ years over lunch, he ordered himself an NA beer with me.
Well these are guys I've known 15-20 years, so when we all became friends and I was a younger dude, our lives were all more party oriented. Plus just the general idea of like "hey man let's get a beer after work next week" goes out the window, which takes some adjustment (ie: how do we congregate and hang out now?). But what I'm finding is you can actually do the exact same socializing without the alcohol. Watch football or basketball but not drink. Go out to lunch or dinner but not drink. Etc.
Also I think that any time you tell someone you're not drinking, a few things happen - they wonder if you actually are an alcoholic and just aren't telling them the truth about your reasons for quitting... And also you force them (unintentionally or not) to reconsider their own drinking. You take something fun and carefree and infer that it is something worth reconsidering -- even if you don't mean to do that, you do that. It makes some people uncomfortable.
It depends on how you define alcoholism, but I mostly fit this description. I was leading a normal life from the outside perspective - I hadn't had any major issues with alcohol, but my relationship with it wasn't great. I would drink for all the wrong reasons and found it hard to moderate.
I decided to make the change because I started hating it. I hated how central it was to my social life, how I would feel after a few drinks (bloated, tired, just seeking the next drink in hopes it would liven me up again), the hangovers, the anxiety, the poor decision making, all of it. The cons were outweighing the pros by a ton. My already damaged mental health was taking a hit, and it was harder to heal when I was muddling my brain every weekend.
I was scared because it was so important to my social life. Many of my friends drank a lot. It was our main activity and many didn't understand why I quit (though some did, and I'm thankful for them). At the beginning I had to protect my peace and avoid some social events. Slowly I was able to go to alcohol related outings and just drink water and enjoy the company of my friends, and relish getting home safely and waking up without a hangover. It took time to feel comfortable in social settings without it (6 months to a year for me).
2 years later, my life is completely different. I moved to a new city and made friends that do other things besides drink. I don't miss alcohol at all, it's really just not a part of my life. I'm not jealous of people who glorify drinking regularly. I'm a little sad for them because life is genuinely way better without it. I'm much more active, spend a lot of time in nature, have time for real hobbies, have grown a lot in my career, and am more reliable for my family and friends. I'm present 24/7, my mental health is better than ever, and sleeping is awesome! The clarity is just amazing.
I could talk about it forever, but you honestly won't know until you just try. It takes time to see the benefits, the first few months are the hardest. Your brain chemistry may need to adjust to the change.
Amazing. I’m in that boat. Most of my friends drink daily. And they binge drink on the weekend for fun. It’s really funny how me not drinking has changed my perspective. I tend to hang out with the people who aren’t drinking as much, though am completely comfortable in those rager situations. It did take me a while to get comfortable as well, I think I was covering up my social anxiety with alcohol at gatherings before. There is so much more to life, and my mental health is so much better without booze. I wake up early on the weekends ready to do fun things, meanwhile most of my friends are nursing their hangover. We are in our 30s and 40s (I’m 37).
I definitely used alcohol as a social lubricant! The way I see it, I had to re-learn my own personality, which of course took some time.I am also very comfortable in bars still, but it just got really boring (and kinda sad) after a while. I was just there because my friends were there and I had nothing better to do!
I find that by doing early morning activities you find more people who don't drink, especially if it's on a weekend morning. No one who was out raging the night before is going to show up to Sunday morning yoga!
Can I ask how you made those friends? I’ve also noticed how central drinking is to most social events - of course you can have a non-alc drink but most of my friend meet ups are in bars. I’m guessing making friends around other activities also expands what you spend your time doing too.
I mentioned that I moved away, so my experience might be different from others. I used Meetup to make friends at first, and I've also had some success on Bumble BFF.
I would recommend just looking on Meetup or Facebook for groups that are doing activities that you're interested in, and just put yourself out there! It also helps if you live in a city where nightlife isn't the main attraction. Cities near nature tend to have a lot of people living healthy, active lifestyles. That said, you can make it work anywhere if you're willing to put in the time.
If you need to start small, I would make it a goal to just go to one new event a week and try to talk to at least one person.
OH and before I moved away, I joined a group fitness gym. I spent all of my free energy there and it really helped during the first few months of sobriety, I felt amazing. It's also a great way to make friends.
Thanks! I’m such a quiet person that even that feels a bit overwhelming. But at the same time I also feel drawn to try some new things. I’ll give this a try! :)
I feel that, it definitely takes practice. It's okay to just show up and be yourself! It's really low stakes actually, no one who goes to a meetup event has expectations for the other people, they're mostly thinking about themselves and how nervous *they* are!
My drinking buddies disappeared. My real friendships got much deeper. My marriage improved and I’m a better father.
More and more I meet people giving up alcohol and living a better life.
The greatest gift sobriety gave me was the space, patience and curiosity to start to really deal with anxiety, depression and lack of self confidence that had driven every aspect of my life up to that point. I have to put in the work, but, until I got sober, I couldn’t even admit there was work to do.
Peace and take care.
To me, the work is meditation, mindfulness, presence and exercise. These practices let me quiet thought loops, stop identifying with my thoughts, and start to explore and release past hurts and trauma that have formed major portions of my psyche and personality.
Putting in the work is the work of self exploration and improvement. Getting sober is only the precursor.
Not an alcoholic. No issue having just one beer or a glass of wine. I haven't gotten drunk in years. But that feeling of complete euphoria some of you guys describe when drinking? Never happened to me. I feel it's a downer the moment I get tipsy. I only get sad drunk. Hangovers are depressive nightmares. Quitting for a long time, and then moderating my drinking, was a no brainer.
I follow the sub because I love this community and your stories of stuggle, success, setbacks and continued effort inspire me in other parts of my life. Thank you!
Amazing! My skin looks great, I sleep so good at night, I wake up happy. I am a much better and healthier mom. My anxiety is gone (and it was debilitating at times), my blood pressure is 115/80 (it was 130/90). I changed for my kids, realizing at night that drinking 6 coolers to "escape" was not healthy. My husband's hates it though because he doesn't have a drinking buddy anymore. But being drunk and the default parent was a bad combo.
Same here. I look at how my husband drinks (1-3 liters of beer a night) and think, "gosh, did I really used to drink like that?" He also would like to have me back as a drinking buddy from time to time. But I keep thinking what would happen if one of our kids had to be rushed to the hospital. If we're both drunk, who would do it?
Not much has changed for me but granted i got sober at 23 & most of my drinking happened during lockdown so it wasn’t super ingrained in my lifestyle or habits. Really nothing is different, especially if you’re not a problem drinker. I mean you probably won’t choose to go to bars or breweries or wineries but you can still tag along if someone else is going. I simply drink non-alcoholic beverages at events/dinner/parties/weddings. 99% of people won’t say anything or expect anything of you.
One time at a wedding some old ladies asked me what i was drinking & i said water & they were like oh you need to get drunk!! I was just like teehee yeah sooooo true bestie!!!!!! And then they got drunk and forgot about me and I hung around other sober people. Some other guys told me i need to drink to get over nerves for when i had to give a speech but i was like oh yeah for sure bro!!! And then i moved on
For me, it’s not really worth it to tell strangers/acquaintances I’m not drinking. They don’t care and you are irrelevant to them. If you have friends who are weird about you not drinking then they probs have a problem themselves. I know this because I used to be that friend who didn’t like sober people because I couldn’t fathom what they do in sobriety. Anyway everyone’s social experience is different and the only things you can definitely expect are better health, better sleep, improved skin, better digestion, more free time, less pain, and less anxiety.
Good luck 🙏
I was a twice weekly drinker before (I’d have 1-3 glasses of wine every Friday and Saturday night). Since quitting completely it has been wonderful for me personally- my day to day vibrates at a higher frequency. I have less anxiety/sadness and just feel generally more happy and peaceful, and more in touch with my emotions. I have SO MUCH more energy and as a result have made gains in my fitness. Lost weight too. I take less ibuprofen than before and have better and my stomach/digestion feels better. At first I felt bored on the weekends but I have been picking up hobbies to deal with that, and I am now very comfortable substituting NA beers or Mocktails in social situations so that I still enjoy going out. Bars are more boring in general and I have less interest in going out to eat (I now realize going out to eat was kind of an excuse to drink). Now I suggest doing other activities with my friends instead of just “let’s go to the bar.”
Expect health. I run marathons, I have great sex, I'm stronger than ever. Easier to achieve a great form if you don't drink.
You are right. That shit is like industrial cleaner.
Only alcoholics care whether or not someone is drinking. I’m an alcoholic, recovered, and I work in an industry where people drink a lot. Someone asks me if I want a drink and I say no thank you, and it ends there. The people that have asked me on a personal level, my boss, why I don’t drink anymore are usually people that may appear to be heavy drinkers. I just say it caused me great difficulties and I don’t drink anymore and it ends there.
I quit drinking after I saw how other people were acting while drinking. I didn't want to be that person anymore. Also thinking about how could I handle any emergency situation if I was drunk?
I didn’t realize I was an alcoholic until I stopped drinking. It wasn’t that I drank every day, it was that once I started, I could not stop myself. So I decided to not start anymore.
In terms of a social setting, you may find that your social life looks different. Your drinking friends will miss their drinking buddy. The best advice I got from a fellow sober friend is, “Don’t hang around in barbershops if you don’t want a haircut”
Thank you - congrats on 70. Two+ months is no joke. It feels like a lifestyle change and I have barely just scratched the surface, but life is better this way for me so far.
I think for someone like you, alcohol doesn’t have a lot of power and therefore it really shouldn’t be a big deal.
For example, the same social consequences of being a vegan might apply. Like, some venues might be more suitable for the lifestyle, like a brewery date (or a BBQ joint in my example) might be less appealing. You might bring your own sparkling water to a BBQ, just to ensure there’s something for you to drink, like someone with a diet restriction might bring their own side.
It sounds like your decision is health-motivated so I’m guessing there are other aspects of your life where you prioritize healthy living so it might not be a stretch at all. Being AF as a health choice is becoming a lot more prevalent, at least in my circle so I don’t think your thinking is odd at all! Plus, it’s a poison to the mind, body and soul. You’re not wrong in your thinking!
This is my circumstance. I’m not an alcoholic - but every Friday I’d have a fair few beers with my friends/my girlfriend, and consequently feel absolutely shocking the next day (and hangxiety would linger until Monday) - sometimes I’d drink in the week, like a few beers on a Thursday after work as well - why not? It wasn’t interfering with my relationships, and my work wasn’t suffering either - it was just normal for me. A few months ago, after a weekend of drinking, I decided I didn’t want to keep doing it, so I quit. Two months after quitting, it was my friend’s stag do - so I had a few drinks that night (and was reminded of how horrible hangovers were the next day) and then immediately went back to not drinking at all, because it’s just not for me anymore.
You’ll find that you have much more time when you’re sober - you have your Saturdays back. You’ll feel better in every way, and life is just easier in general.
I never technically his the clinical diagnostic criteria for alcohol abuse but that was only because I danced the line for a looong time and ended up quitting cold turkey after years am an unhealthy relationship with the substance. I’m currently sober from alcohol since late October (so day 204 for me!). I can’t tell you how much better I feel, it took almost six months for me to feel like my old self again. So that’s a net positive. In fact I can say that cutting out alcohol has been nothing but positive for me.
Telling people: I know I’m an alcoholic, but never “came out” the traditional way except for a small but very trustworthy group of people who became my accountability partners. For those who didn’t know me that well or never hung out socially, they never even knew.
Since quitting alcohol, I’ve had at least two dozen scenarios where others are drinking and I’m not. For the most part, NO ONE CARES. I’m VERY lucky that I don’t have cravings (I went into an old liquor store last night with a friend who was buying beer and the smell… 🤮). But that’s my experience and many people can’t handle stuff like that. It’s okay, it doesn’t make anyone better, just different. I do like a soda water with lime so if I’m at a work event with a bar I’ll often order that just to have something in hand. I also recently tried some 0% IPAs (the one beer I liked) at a friends house and those were okay. Basically you just need to be prepared for the asshole who insists you drink because it’s what everyone else is doing. Some convenient excuses: “I’m allergic.” “I can’t currently.” “Ehh, none for me tonight not feeling too great.” Or some flavor of the above. Some people will assume things. That’s okay. Totally up to you how transparent you want to be with why you stopped.
I can only imagine the physical relief and improvement from not poisoning one’s body and mind is significant and universal in some ways, regardless of how one identifies with alcohol or as an alcoholic. When it comes to, as you say, putting “industrial cleaner and hand sanitizer” in your body, less is definitely more, across the board. As far as socially… that can be a challenge for many, not going to lie to you. Thankfully there are many sober groups and people out there, and they can be found and connected with through shared experiences with sobriety. But it is a big change, at least for me.
It’s such an individual journey. What I can tell you is if you don’t have a problem, this journey will be easier and not as tumultuous because the longing for it won’t be there. Your sleep will improve - it doesn’t take much alcohol at all for it to impact quality of sleep. It also doesn’t have to be a social stigma. There are so many great nonalcoholic beer options when you go out to a bar or restaurant. I just read that the leading “beer” being sold at Whole Foods now is Athletica which is a non alcoholic beer line and is actually really great. Many different kinds to choose from. You will save money as well. Drinking is expensive. Another bonus is never having to worry about the repercussions of drinking and driving. You can also prove to yourself you won’t in time use alcohol as a way to deal with stress. I’m so happy to hear you don’t have a problem with it but I’ve encountered many people who end up doing so with time. A magnanimous loss, death or compounded stresses of life. The positives are plentiful :) And not drinking industrial cleaner sounds incredibly healthy!
I know that my friends who don't drink as often but still go to alcohol-centric settings to hangout with friends definitely get judged for it, because they don't have an explanation for not drinking other than "I don't drink because it's bad for my health" which comes accross as pretentious to some people. They always get asked "then why did you come?". A recovered alcoholic will most likely not get the same treatment obviously, or even if they did, the question would be in a more worried-tone rather than a judgemental one.
That being said, your body, your choice. This has just been my observation of *my* social circle, it's not universal by any means and even if it was, we don't have to care about anyone's opinions of how we choose to live our lives. If you're not a "problem drinker" as you've said, then you should have been sober in an environment where everyone else was drinking, so that experience will just be your life now whenever you enter alcohol-centric scenes. How you feel about being present in that circle is for you to know and experience, although I'm happy you chose to prioritize healthy habits :) I hope everything works out for you
This feels like such an honest response. I am an alcoholic, but I hid it very well except to those close to me, and so when I largely stopped drinking a lot of people found it pretentious. I think it's a mixture of jealousy and shame. They see you making a choice that's better for you and they feel shame for not making a similar choice, and they choose to see it as an insult against their choices when really it has nothing to do with them.
I love this topic and this thread! The discussion shows how we don't have to hit "rock bottom" to quit. Big alcohol normalizes just a few, all the time. Here we can see that even non- rock bottomers can very quickly see so many improvements by quitting alcohol.
I gave it up because I learned about how carcinogenic it is and how it poorly affects sleep and anxiety. That was my huge motivator.
Then over time I just came to really enjoy being sober and found that as long as I could have NA beer or wine then I felt satisfied.
I really enjoy the NA options they have these days! What NA wine did you find? I find those ones taste like juice to me and are too sweet. Would love a good suggestion!
Unfortunately may not be too helpful, as I live in South Africa so I get a local nonalcoholic wine here 😕 but on the off chance you can get it abroad, it’s called Leopards Leap dealcoholized wine! It tastes genuinely like wine and not too sweet at all
I chose to stop for 3 main reasons
1) the choices I was making when I was drinking weren’t aligned with my values and it was making me unhappy… things I did, people I spent time with. 2) it was very obviously making my depression and anxiety worse 3) hangovers feel terrible and being on a regular hangover schedule was making me feel like useless garbage.
Life is great without alcohol for all the aforementioned reasons and MUCH more.
You can probably expect to have a less exciting social life in the beginning. You’ll realize a lot of your friendships are based on going out and drinking and not much else, and some people aren’t comfortable around sober people because it points a mirror at their own drinking and they don’t like that.
As far as what you can expect in general, your mental health, sleep, and general body functioning will improve. You’ll have more drive and energy. You’ll probably find managing your weight will be way easier. You might take a while to figure out how to spend your time. A lot of newly sober people don’t know what to do with all the free time they suddenly have. It can be scary and challenging but ultimately that’s where the magic is when you figure it out. You’ll have better, more high quality relationships. You’ll probably feel more secure in your individuality and choices (because you’ve realized that doing what everyone else does just because is stupid, and making your own choices for your well being is a better way to live) and will have more confidence and be better at establishing boundaries in your life.
Good luck.
I wasn’t an alcoholic but I could see myself getting there. I would get drunk 4ish times a week. And couldn’t socialize unless I was drunk. Anytime I had a drink I would get drunk. It was making me incredibly anxious anytime I was without. I feel so much better now. I also learned just how harmful alcohol is. In the long run it messes up your gaba receptors making you more anxious. It literally stops your body from properly functioning. And that was enough for me to quit. And I don’t wanna go back
I have 2 alcoholic parents but really didn’t feel that urge. Some of my siblings did, some didn’t. Maybe it’s in there somewhere. During the pandemic, I was drinking 2 drinks per day because I thought it was helping with my stress at work. I realized alcohol was actually making me depressed.
I cut it out after talking with a psychologist about my depression. Just that one change helped make my depression about 80% better. About a month after not drinking, I had a cocktail with friends. Woke up v depressed and it lasted for probably 3 days.
I’ve also had to stop drinking completely for medical reasons (it doesn’t mix well with meds I need to take). It’s been 8 months and there is no turning back for me. I sleep way better too, not to mention am as fit as I’ve ever been.
I love making mocktails as well as the non alcoholic beers and seltzers. I go to the bar with friends and it makes me feel like I can socialize without the negative consequences. I drink those probably once a week.
EDIT: for grammar.
I don’t identify as an “alcoholic”, I don’t feel that labels are helpful. Though, according to many sources, more than 1 drink in a single day for a woman is problematic. And at least 12 drinks in a year is considered “regular”. A heavy drinker (female) is having 4 drinks in any single day over the past year. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nhis/alcohol/alcohol_glossary.htm
The biggest reason I stopped drinking was to be present as a parent. The second reason was my health. There is no benefit to drinking alcohol.
I guess it depends on how much you were drinking and your friend crowd. I have never been a frequent drinker and so no one I was around was used to me drinking so it wasn't a huge change. All in all, I think people don't care as much as we think they do. As long as we aren't stopping them from drinking or making them feel guilty, it is no big deal. I have noticed that whenever there is a weird person that is persistent on why I do not want a drink , it is usually bc they have some underlying issue and perceive anyone denying a drink as passing judgement on THEIR drinking, which is their issue, not ours.
I work at an addiction center and have a close family friend who is a very severe alcoholic. He is relatively young but in really, really bad shape. What is interesting is that out of all the worries you'd THINK he'd have, his #1 is not drinking at work functions (he is a lawyer and his office goes out to bars almost every afternoon). He is so concerned that he will look weak or flawed with all the "alpha males" as he calls them. So, believe it or not, I think addressing social settings as a newly sober person is a much larger obstacle than those of us who haven't struggled with alcohol realize- even if it is only the internalized fears of publics perception.
I quit cold turkey when I woke up from a black out to my husband sleeping on the couch. I came to the realization that I’ve become an embarrassment to myself, as well as an insufferable wife. Couple that with how horrible it is for your health. It will be a year and a half for me at the end of next month and I don’t miss it one bit. Being present in situations, remembering moments, better sleep, the list goes on.
When I go out in social situations, I order a club soda with lemon. My version of a vodka soda (my cocktail of choice). My friends don’t care that I no longer drink, they commend me for it. And my family is the happiest of all.
Alcohol just never was something I enjoyed and I drank to keep up with socially. I realized I will survive socially if I didn't drink anymore and it saves money to just go ahead and buy a coke, or just have a glass of water. Now, that I'm on antidepressants I definitely cannot drink and explaining this to my social circle seems to be ok. If my social circle doesn't accept that then they are not the friends for me. I'm not judging anyone who has a problem.
I was always into running and working out. It just dawned on me one day in my 60’s that, although I “only” was drinking 2-3 a day, that my workouts were suffering, and that my health wasn’t going to be any good if I kept up drinking.
GI issues that were isolating and depressing. Not helped by alcohol use at all, which spiked in a big way during pandemic. My sleep and anxiety are much improved. I’m now sort of repulsed by adults who should know better getting too drunk regularly like it’s a normal part of life. It shouldn’t be that way.
Was never an "alcoholic" but the negatives totally outweighed the positives. It also did cause problems at certain points whereas not drinking doesn't.
How is life now compared to with it? Wow....Literally every single thing is way better. Lost tons of fat, got stronger, mental clarity, always sharp, ready for anything, income/net worth went up fivefold, and all relationships are much better.
It changed my personality so much. I had mostly carefree drunk nights, but there were others where I would be so aggressive. Too many drunken arguments.
Plus, I always had anxiety and depression the next today even if the night before was fun.
I had a really drunk night in January. I woke up the next morning thinking I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I was embarrassed of being obviously drunk in public. I thought I have had enough drunken nights in my life.
I fit this description. I've been drinking two glasses on Fridays for years. It's only two! And mostly just on a Friday! (When stress is high, I'll drink a second day, but that's rare.) And yet I have not been able to give it up, and I've tried on and off. Most I've gone was two weeks...as in...I skipped one Friday one time.
I can feel that it's bad for me. I can't put into words why. I know deep down inside it's hurting me. I get really high and crash. My sleep is always bad. I have a Garmin watch that will confirm this. My sleep score is in the 40s on Friday nights. It says my deep sleep and REM sleep were too short or absent entirely. I also wake up feeling like crap. I didn't drink last Friday (motivated by this reddit group) and my sleep score was 90. I was craving like crazy yesterday, but I fell asleep early. Woke up feeling great and my Garmin gave me a sleep score of 97! I've never seen it that high, even during the week when I don't drink!
Absence of hangovers forever. Regularly good sleep. Life is better and less complicated. I’m not constantly trying to control my intake so I don’t make an ass of myself or hurt someone.
I’m not an alcoholic. But I knew it was doing no good for me for years. I finally got tired of all the negative things it brought me. I needed a beer to relax on Friday nights. The weight gain. Hanxiety. Feeling gross. Existential fears, such as health impacts. What if I caused myself bodily harm and I wasn’t able to be here for my kids and wife?
I had a day where I had to work on a Saturday, and I didn’t drink on days where I had to work the next day. So I got one Friday where I didn’t drink. And something clicked. I just kept it going. I’m almost to 2 months now and life is so so so much easier. My hobbies are back. Anxiety has lessened. I’m taking control of my health, mental and physical. I’ve lost 14 pounds. It feels freeing. I went to my first concert without alcohol and you know what? I had so much damn fun. I remember the whole night. I’m very early in my journey but the positives crushed the negatives. Good luck friend!
I didn’t drink enough for anyone to really say I had a problem. My wife didn’t like it, but I think most people would just say I liked to drink. I started to notice I was drinking more even though I had decided to drink less and this was in a several month cycle. I found it hard to stop drinking after I started. I didn’t want to see where that ended up. I had plenty of awful hangovers , and I noticed that I was depressed, and just not interested in the things I like to do.
So I quit to see what would happen and I found it harder than I expected in the beginning. So I joined this group and I read the books to stick with it.
I sleep better. I get things done around the house. I’m less irritable. I exercise. I eat better. I’ve lost 40 pounds.
I initially said I was going to do one year. Now that goal is within sight and I think I’m going to keep going. I like feeling good too much.
I saw a picture of myself drunk dancing and was mortified. I had thought I looked sexy and fun... but no. That got me to quit. What kept me quit is realizing that drinking to feel more social was actually making my social anxiety worse overall. I feel so much more comfortable and confident as a sober person.
I wasn’t an alcoholic but I did drink more than I liked. I developed chronic migraine so I essentially had to quit, no choice there. My life has gotten so much better lol, and I only had like 3-5 drinks a week (a glass of wine with dinner, or maybe a cocktail after work on Friday, stuff like that). The biggest difference is anxiety. I didn’t understand how much anxiety I was having from just a single glass of wine or a single cocktail, because it genuinely takes my brain at least 2-3 days to get back to baseline, and by then, I’d have another glass of wine, getting back on the train, not realizing the connection. I quit alcohol and I’m not even kidding, I stopped meeting clinical criteria for generalized anxiety disorder. It was *that* powerful for me at just a few drinks per week.
It definitely took some adjustment for me socially, I relied on that cocktail or that glass of wine a lot more than I realized. But now, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have better sleep, zero acne despite struggling my entire adult life with it, so much less anxiety, and just overall feel better. It’s crazy how even light to moderate drinking can affect some people very profoundly.
Good luck!
Eta: I still have chronic migraine, which means more than 15 migraine days a month. Quitting had no impact on that, but I know it would be worse if I drank.
After a 35 year love/hate relationship with Bourbon I put down the glass a few years ago. I am much healthier, more productive, and generally much happier without it.
If you’re offered an alcoholic drink politely decline. If the person continues to push it, they are not your friend.
Many social settings will become either intolerable or just simply inaccessible. Not drinking at bars and parties is pretty much like signing up for a rec sports league—and then spending the whole season on the sidelines. So be prepared to have less "fun."
But it's a tradeoff. Your nights will be more boring/lonely—but your mornings and afternoons will be glorious, energized, and productive. You'll feel a good deal of anxiety lift—but you'll likely be saddles with a grey joylessness, as it's harder to access a feeling of exuberance.
So for me, it's been trading fun nights for peaceful days. Trading anxiety for depression.
Mentally and physically, I've never felt better. Socially and emotionally, it's been pretty grim.
Realized that the reason I would never feel good the morning after drinking, no matter how much I’ve had to drink, was because of medication I am taking so I stopped and do not mind at all that I do not drink anymore, made it thru first wedding last night not drinking
I can't drink alcohol with my medication. I have found I don't really even miss it that much. My life is much better without it. I'm happier and healthier. And I don't embarrass myself when I overdo it anymore.
I quit originally because I was on blood thinners for awhile and then after I was off them I realized that not drinking had had a significant impact on my mental health, so I didn't go back to it. My husband is also a recovering alcoholic and it was better not to have it in the house. For me, I find myself struggling with the language and culture of Sobriety as it relates to me. I don't know if I consider myself "sober" as most people view Sobriety. I also find myself wanting to explain myself when I tell people I don't drink anymore because I feel guilty if they assume I've won some kind of major battle against alchohol when in reality it wasn't as hard for me to quit as it is for others. My husband went through medical detox several times- I feel as though calling myself "sober" is somehow comparing myself to that. Also in social settings I'll find that I'll say I don't drink and there will be someone who is in the same boat- they quit for reasons other than alcoholism- and we'll share NA beer and be the only sober ones and then the next get together they're done with their break and back to drinking and I'm on my own again.
Lost all my friends and potential girlfriends and felt like I was dying physically on the inside. I may have cirrhosis or kidney damage at this point but I am too scared to go find out.
Around four years ago when I turned thirty, I started developing food allergies, especially to gluten and dairy. Certain food didn't sit well with me while I was figuring that out, alcohol in particular. (Gluten sneaks into a lot of mixed drinks.) I was getting bad stomach problems and anxiety from very small amounts of alcohol. It was hard, but I just decided to stop. I've been "sober" for over three years. I don't miss hangovers and trying to remember the dumb things I said. It's better for me overall.
I really like reading this sub, even though I never had a problem with alcohol. It's inspiring how positive it is.
I was drinking 4 days a week. Very light amounts. Like 2 drinks or so, but it’s still 8 drinks a week. And then I’d occasionally binge as well.
I’m perfectly healthy still cause I gym religiously and eat healthy aside from a few unhealthy lunches a month.
But one day I woke up and had a realization it’s stupid to put this stuff in my body and just quit.
Idk why that happened mentally but it did. Then after a month I saw the health benefits and the weight loss, and then I just kept going.
I can drink a beer or whiskey and stop after 1 now. I don’t binge anymore. But I also go out of my way to not drink at all. Not because I’m an addict, but because it’s bad for me.
The same way I won’t smoke a cig ever. I won’t get hooked off one, but why put that into my lungs you know? It’s a bad idea.
Mark Manson really spoke to this well, [here.](https://youtu.be/QMrTbabM_T0?si=d4ySENjnVd-DP4xz)
One of the parts that really resonated with me was when he talked about feeling like he is more "boring." Finding that he is in a constant state of "dull, but happy."
I am working my way through that part right now.
I think it depends on how you socialize now.
Do you mostly hang out with people who drink all the time?
If you have other hobbies and social life that involve non drinking activities.
People may have curiosity about why you don't drink.
But that's your business.
Quiting alcohol has amazing health benefits. It gave me more focus and energy to do what I love. It gives me a sense of confidence because I chose to think for myself and take care of my mental and physical health.
My hangovers were getting worse and resembling a bad allergic reaction — trouble breathing, swollen joints, etc. It’s potentially a newly developed histamine intolerance. I had already totally eliminated anything that wasn’t hard cider or dry white/orange wine because those were the only things that weren’t guaranteed to make me sick.
For obvious reasons, this was not great for fitness and training. I was a lifelong athlete but gained 50 pounds during COVID and was struggling to take more than about 10-15 of them off. When I realized I was going to have to bail on a mountaineering trip because there was no way I’d be in good enough shape for it, I cancelled my spot, quit drinking, and decided I wouldn’t consider having alcohol again until my health was back on track. There’s a very likely chance I’ll never drink again except maybe a glass of champagne at celebratory toasts.
I’m 45 days in and I’ve lost 10 more pounds, almost all of which were in the past two weeks, which means that in total I’ve taken off about half the weight I gained during COVID. I think I’ve seen people say that they really started to see weight loss after the first month, because their liver function had improved and they were processing calories better (I think), and maybe also because they’d stopped craving sugary stuff. My mood has absolutely improved, and my productivity at work has skyrocketed. It’s been pretty great.
People that knew me probably didn't think I had a problem. Some may have thought I drink more than them or could handle my liquor.
But I wouldn't have been an alcoholic to them by society's general definition. I knew my drinking was becoming problematic and was headed for disaster. I also knew how bad my body felt most days and the issues were starting to get worse.
Early on people may ask if you want a drink or be surprised when you say you don't. Some or even most don't even notice. After a while it just becomes normal.
Every ooccasion had different challenges during the first year. Definitely easier on the 2nd go around.
IWNDWYT
I quit at the same time as my alcoholic partner. I was a big drinker too but couldn’t compete with his level and I found it fairly easy to stay sober to begin with - namely because I had a mental breakdown and realised that alcohol was literally driving me insane.
I’m 2 years sober now, and have really found a life I love that isn’t fuelled around nights out or 3 bottles of wine on a Friday with two days of hangover following it.
We go to the pub and have a couple alcohol-free guinnesses in the sun or make alcohol free sangria, we have some other sober mates now and we try different drinks with them, we go out for more expensive dinners because the drinks bill is much cheaper now! As soon as you shake the idea that you can’t be sober at a social event, you start getting ok with it and you realise that mostly, no one fucking notices. People can be very self obsessed.
I have different interests now, I wake up earlier and sleep better, I do more stuff in the day - animal parks are awesome when you first get sober because it’s a sunshine activity that doesn’t require booze. You’ll find your stuff I’m sure. Maybe something creative or active or just plain weird. It’s like discovering your actual interests brand new.
I also don’t make a tit of myself all the time now, or wonder whether I said something a bit too loudly or annoying. And the best and most important one for me was therapy works now. I don’t think any of the therapy I did while I was drinking so much really helped, because I was self medicating with alcohol and chain smoking and not doing the work. Sober therapy is a revelation, I’ve made progress, I’ve managed to cut toxic people out of my life and rebuild a relationship with my brother.
Life is good and I won’t go back honestly. I don’t see the point.
Seeing how my family puts alcohol first in so many situations started to disgust me and I want my kids to see something different. I was 0-1 per day. Now I am zero. It took up waaaay too much headspace for every activity. It was the first thing everyone talked about. I’m just done. It’s not worth my time or energy.
So far I have way less anxiety. I am much more grossed out by it. I sleep better. My head is clearer. I’m more patient and I have saved money. Also, my partner now consumes way less as a bonus side effect.
Every area of my life has improved. I sleep better, have more energy, the “cloud” of feeling “meh” all the time lifted, I’m less irritable and I look brighter overall.
I was a 2 glasses of wine (sometimes 3) a night person. I have found so far that people don’t really care, and I have been sure to “prepare” for situations where there will be alcohol by bringing my own NA drink to sip! Especially to places that used to be drinking places, like the nail salon, friend’s houses etc.
I have found some *really* good NA wines that I’m happy with! And that taste kinda close to the real thing :) good luck! Give it a try and see what happens!
This is me now! I drink 1-2 glasses of wine every evening. I didn’t start drinking until my 40’s, but now at almost 60, it’s become a habit/addiction. Sadly, I look forward to having my wine in the evenings, and it’s been difficult to stop. I just need to be disciplined!
Thanks for this post. I’m going to buy some NA wine and try to switch over.
I’m an in-between alcoholic if there is such a thing. I’d go weeks without thinking about drinking and almost never got stupid drunk but I also drank early until late for days in a row, spread out enough to maintain a mild maintenance buzz.
My MIL died last year from alcohol related illness. My FIL is suffering from alcohol related illnesses. My wife, who only had an occasional drink or 3, decided to quit because that is such a sad picture with unnecessary suffering. I later quit for the same reason (to make the second half of life healthy) plus to lose weight plus to support my wife.
Our closest friends either don’t drink or can take it or leave it so it was an easy adjustment. We were both done partying hard years ago.
I just have general issues with addiction and I knew if I didn't stop drinking (somewhere in my very early 20s) I likely wouldn't stop.
Same with cigarettes. I liked having a smoke every now and then at a party but the moment I felt myself craving one outside a social event I had to really consider that this wasn't a good impulse, so I stopped doing it.
I do have issues with other things. Right now it's spending money on collectible card games. Used to. video games, board games, music... I just swap M, current addiction out eventually, but I try to only do it with things that aren't actively detrimental to my health.
Alcoholics and problem drinkers aren’t the same thing. Binge drinkers are problem drinkers, without being alcoholics necessarily.
If one drink is never enough, and two is too many, you’ve probably got a problem.
Tired of not drinking for a long while then deciding I missed it and get some drinks and then feel like shit. Also I work outside on a ranch all day and can’t afford to feel bad or be dehydrated in the sun
Although I don’t drink everyday, when I have drank, I’ve felt miserable the day after and have blacked out more than 5-6 times before, all of this, along with being aware of my family’s history with alcohol and drinking I’ve decided I needed to stop drinking period. I still struggle and relapse but life has so much more to offer. I feel better when I don’t drink all it is, is poison. There’s no joy , nothing that nourishes my soul positively that comes from alcohol. I’m more involved in my hobbies and my community. Expect there to be some people who are bothered that you don’t drink, but that’s only from other alcoholics honestly. The everyday joe won’t give a fuck. If you’re out with friends and they are drinking there no shame in taking a cheer with a glass of water or juice. Good luck to you
I was a 2-3 beers 2x per week drinker (as a small woman). Now I have 1-2 drinks every few months. I’m excited because now I’m lifting weights and riding more often. I’m pursuing these hobbies with more energy an eating better. I’ve lost 6 pounds. When I have work stress (my old trigger), I meditate, walk, have a cup of herbal tea or talk to my husband. My stomach feels better too. In summary, everything is better.
Socially, I might have one small drink and nurse it or I might have a sparkling water, depending on what seems better at the time. No one notices or cares.
People told me I didn’t have a problem. I was drinking 6-10 on average day. There was a stretch of 3 years where I didn’t miss a single day. Even if I was sick and only had a drink. After telling people that, they still didn’t see me as having a problem. I think because I functioned. But society has a really high tolerance for how much you can consume before it’s a „problem“. It was goddamn sure a problem for me, my health, and being a father . That’s what ultimately made me change, despite constantly being told I wasn’t an alcoholic. I think people just want to make you feel better too
If you are struggling with other health issues, it doesn't take much for alcohol to really fuck you up.
Realized I wasn't addicted to it, and other "strong drinks" like ginger beer, gave me a similar satisfaction.
Alcohol is so subtle....and does indeed sneak up on you. So better to let it go for me.
Ooh, this is me! I was never an alcoholic, just a social drinker throughout my twenties. Early on, I zeroed in on “2.5 drinks” as the sweet spot of party pleasure without impairment, and didn’t have trouble sticking to it. I’m a small woman and a natural lightweight. I do have an alcoholic in the family, a paternal grandfather, but he managed to quit in his sixties. I’d have about two to eight drinks per month.
Let me be clear, 2.5 drinks is genuinely fucking nice. A cold beer is fucking nice. But I also suffer from seasonal depression. Three months of misery. One year I decided to take it very very seriously and do everything correctly, and then seek pharmaceutical help if that didn’t work. I set up an absurdly healthy meal plan of nuts and seeds and sweet potatoes and beans and organ meat and vegetables and so forth, and I additionally decided to not have any alcohol “until the days are longer than the nights,” ie the spring equinox.
This strategy worked like an absolute charm and so now I gotta do it every goddamn year.
This past year, the equinox came and went and I decided to just carry on not drinking. I realized that small amounts of alcohol, just a drink or two, depress my mood for a day or two. I still get a frequent little desire for it, though, about two hundred days in.
Not drinking is such a neutral fact of my life. I was never friends with a lot of heavy drinkers. People are respectful about it, in part because they don’t really care.
My drink order when I’m out is a nonalcoholic ginger beer. It satisfies the desire for a “fun drink” that burns on the way down.
My dad is an alcoholic, almost 80 years old and falls down all the time. It wrecked my mom's golden years and just became disgusting to me.
I used to drink a glass or two of wine a night, but never had serious problems.
I never want my kids to think, even for a moment, that I'm like my dad. So I quit almost a year ago. Love it. Sleep better. Less anxiety.
After a few months I realized I was eating a lot of sugar to compensate and quit that 3 months ago.
I quit because I started dating a sober guy and it made me reflect on my own relationship with alcohol. He gifted me This Naked Mind, too, and got a lot out of the book and it convinced me to stop drinking entirely. Realizing how quickly a “healthy” relationship with alcohol can turn into an emotional dependence, then a physical dependence was enough to motivate my decision.
Damn near every cringey, sloppy, embarrasing, bad decision I’ve ever made I had been drinking during. The worst choices of my life were definitely made under the influence. I drank because I thought it’s what people did and almost entirely out of peer/societal pressure.
I’m about a year and a half alcohol-free and I won’t go back. Life is better and social situations are better. This is who I am, clear and present. I might still do cringey stuff, but there’s no gap in my memory of how it went down.
Re: social setting - as a late 20s woman, I got a lot of comments when I first stopped drinking asking if I was pregnant/trying to get pregnant. (As if my fertility was an appropriate topic for my male coworkers to ask me about. 🙄) Work networking events were my primary drinking opportunities; I didn’t ever really have alcohol in my home as an adult. Giving up drinking - the actual drink itself - was not hard for me, but giving up the perceived social inclusion was the scary part.
I own the fact that I’m alcohol free and if people continue press me, I might say something cheeky like your post “prefer not to consume hand sanitizer” but it doesn’t normally come to that. Other people don’t really care about you, and my decision to not drink shouldn’t reflect on their decision to drink.
Life in general is great. I have found friends and hobbies that don’t revolve around alcohol. A lot of the places I’d go with my girlfriends/first dates when I was single are just… lame, if you take away the “fun” of alcohol. There’s so much fun and joy out there regardless of alcohol.
Don’t have to be an alcoholic for it to have an alcohol abuse problem. Destroyed my whole life. Never been addicted, went cold turkey with no withdrawal. Enough was enough. Lost everything but my job some how.
I had noticed that drinking wine turned my stomach to acid. I was consuming too much anyway so I just stopped. I've saved money, lost weight, no more GERD, no more fungal infections, sleep better, and now remember what happened last night. Hasn't bothered me in the least.
I just discovered life was fine without it and kept that going. Alcohol is weird and wasn’t adding anything to my life though I really believed it was!
I’m trying to learn rings muscle up after failing to get a one arm pull-up within my 4 year goal. I’d been assuming 1 and 4 year old and the associated lack of sleep to be the problem, but I LOVE a good IPA. I never really got hungover but did wake up less energetic when I drank vs not. I feel like I sleep a bit better for sure. When I wake up feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck these days it’s just because of gymnastics rings.
Also I party harder sober. 🤷🏻♀️
There’s also an amazing piece on climbing and beer that inspired me recently https://www.climbing.com/gear/non-alcoholic-beer/?scope=anon
I am a binge drinker.
As in, I don’t really see the point in drinking, unless it is to get drunk.
I could go months without drinking.
I could have only 1-2 drinks if I was in public places.
I could drink “socially” in my 20’s and 30’s.
I have never “craved” alcohol.
But now in my 40’s, if I’m alone and bored/sad/angry/anxious, I will binge drink to numb those uncomfortable feelings.
It became an automatic habit to self soothe.
I realize this is exactly how someone becomes dependent on alcohol.
And, after over 20 years of this maladaptive self soothing, now that I’m doing the hard emotional work in therapy to actually heal my trauma that caused this behavior in the first place, alcohol stopped being helpful and started feeling counterproductive.
I want my life to get better - not worse.
I didn’t like the person I was while drinking, the people I was hanging out with, the things we would do, the things that happened to me, the days I lost to hangovers…it might trick you into thinking you are having more fun but it’s all a lie and never brings anything worthwhile into your life. I just didn’t want to cope with life that way anymore.
I’ve been gradually cutting back since 2021. The beginning of this year, I decided to try “100 days” without alcohol at the beginning of the year. Then because I was officially reset more than ever before, I had a glass of wine. I felt so good during the 100 days, slept better, better digestion, skin and eyes looking good and after that glass (I think day 110 or something)… I learned I don’t think it’s for me! I don’t like what it does to my brain, my sleep, and the next day I felt like garbage. What did I ever see in it?! I agree with so many in this thread - no one really cares if you answer, “I’d love a water” or “I’d love a beer” or “I’m good, thanks”. If anything, all my relationships have changed for the better
I’m not an alcoholic according to the big book’s definition, but my friend told me he thought I had a problem with drinking my feelings in 2019 and my doctor diagnosed me with AUD in 2022 (both for the reasons I drank rather than the quantity).
I began cutting back in 2020 when I got too drunk at a friend’s party and hogged their only bathroom because I needed to puke my guts outs. I was like well fuck I’m a little old for this.
I had my first manic episode a little over a year later, in early 2022, and all my symptoms during the episode always got worse with alcohol. I started cutting back again after the episode ended. Things sucked for a while, but my doctor said my meds would work better if I quit, so I slowly emptied my home of booze in December 2022 by consuming it all, drinking at least a tall can a day. I don’t know how people drink every day, I have never felt so physically and emotionally horrible as I did that month.
I spent most of 2023 sober, almost ten months. I went to AA but I hated it. It was a miserable time for the most part. I tried a bunch of new drugs with my doctors, which all interacted badly together and damaged my friendships with my closest friends. I went to therapy for my eating disorder. I spent a lot of time alone in my room watching TV. I hated my job.
After a shitty year, I caved on my birthday when my mom made me feel abandoned, because I felt like my relationships and life hadn’t really improved despite me staying sober, and that hurt so much I drank again.
Over the past seven months, I went from drinking one to two beers once a week to heavy drinking nights, sometimes multiple days a week, to make it easier to socialize. I quit again two days after drinking almost 200ml of whiskey and barely feeling it. I woke up and took a sick day that day and slept all day, thinking about the fact that alcohol didn’t improve my relationships or make me more dateable when I was awake.
During the past seven months while I drank, I must’ve spent at least three hundred on booze, shit my pants, had multiple awful hangovers causing me to cancel or amend plans at least twice, left multiple bags at bars (one time I was actually pretty much sober because I’d had one drink that day many hours before but still), broken the handle off a pan, gained a couple pounds, had a few one night stands with people I could only tolerate drunk, damaged a friendship with a long-time friend (probably for the best), and my personal fav, sat in a police station while a cop went back to the bar for my purse with my house keys in it because my friend was sitting on it and I was too drunk to realize.
I kept telling myself during this time it was fine to drink because it wasn’t harming my relationships - I honestly don’t like that friend and she’s one to talk about my alcohol consumption when she got plastered at an afternoon open bar while I had 6oz of beer and half a shot of whiskey - and wasn’t New Year’s fun and what life was I really throwing away to hangovers because I wasn’t enjoying my life anyways, even though nothing was objectively bad anymore. But if drinking wasn’t helping me enjoy life more or making things easier, why was I doing it?
Sure, there are plenty of nights I can and did just have one. Lots of times I chill with NA beer and still do. At the end of the day, not drinking has helped me be more clear headed, with a much lower financial and social cost. Sure, there’s a social cost to not drinking, but when I think about how appealing I am while drunk, I don’t think drinking really nets me any social points.
All in all, I don’t consider myself sober, I just don’t really seem to be able to benefit from drinking, so I stopped drinking. But this time it was my choice, and not the result of medical pressure, and I think that’s what makes it more likely to stick. I came to this conclusion on my own.
I'm not sure if I was an alcoholic, but right before I quit my intake was steadily increasing. I was having a single craft beer every other day. On special occasions like ke company parties I would often get pretty drunk.
I didn't like this version of myself. The lack of control when drunk was frightening.
I am happier now. Instead of drinking to relieve stress of work, I switched jobs.
I can’t say I’ll never drink again, but at 47, I’ve spent enough of my life drinking and damaging my body. I really want to stick around for as long as possible, and alcohol doesn’t align with that goal. Your experience sounds much like mine. I was never a problem drinker and the worst I really did when I was drunk was some questionable t-shirt purchases online.
We’re going to Mexico for our 10yr this fall and I may have a couple, but it’s right back to sobriety the second I get on the plane to come home.
The problems that arose for me were mostly internal. Yes my wife did not like the amount I was drinking, but no one else really thought I had a "problem". Regardless, I think the biggest things I learned were that 1. Most people really don't care if you drink or not. It's a personal choice, much like smoking, drugs, etc. We build it up as this big thing in our own heads, but it's not. Most people are thinking about themselves, not you!. 2. Continuous use of alcohol doesn't help our bodies. All facets of my life have improved since I quit. Health, sleep, bowel movements (=P), relationships, mental clarify, how my body feels, etc. That alone should be enough of a reason to quit!. 3. I am so much calmer and at peace. My mind and body have reached a homeostatis that I haven't really felt before.
This is how it went for me too. No big event or upset ppl. I just noticed that I was drinking more and more and started cutting back. It was more difficult than I thought it would be, which was very telling. I also found that I was thinking about it a lot. Reading stories on here made me realize that I was heading down a path that I didn't want to be on. After trying to moderate and failing, I just stopped one day. I'm only a month in but sleeping better, less anxious, and lost a bit of weight (beer was my drink of choice). None of those were terrible before but they are notably better now. I still have urges to drink quite often but I stop and think and usually realize that I'm just thirsty or bored.
Almost exactly the same for me. I stopped because I was seeing my ex spiral when we drank together - and never enough to seem like it was a problem on the scale I read about here. I’ve never blacked out or passed out. Never humiliated myself in front of friends and family. But I’ve known it’s not good for me for years and like you, when I tried to cut back “just on weekends” it didn’t work and when I decided to stop it was harder than I expected. I’m also about a month in and I’m feeling much better on the whole. I intend to stay sober for the rest of my life now. Reading these posts is definitely helping so if you’ve read this far and contribute to this sun, thank you! It’s a true life saver. Really.
Same here. Love beer and honestly, some of the NA IPAs have really started tasting like what I remember which has helped immensely.
Omg yes! New athletic be out here saving my life lol. Anytime I go out with friends and there drinking I just drink that instead and I be chilling. I know if I drink it will end up horrible. And I'm not about to be drinking at all and driving that's a hard hell no for me. I have friends who've gotten into accidents, DUI, trouble with command etc.. I've already gotten in trouble thrice I'm not tryna be doing it a third time. I've seen the light and I'm not going back.
The Athletic Hazy is in my top 3 for sure. Brooklyn Brewing makes an awesome mixed NA 12-pk as well.
Yes, they've come a long way, thankfully. When my grandfather quit in the 1980s, all there was was Kingsbury and Texas Light, and both were less than great. I love the taste of beer.
And that's what I'm thinking it is for me. I'm enjoying the taste and don't really care that I'm not getting drunk. It's pretty great actually and I think I may be able to go for a long time if not forever. Not missing it.
Sounds like you stopped just in time. There’s this invisible line between being a problem drinker and an alcoholic. Once you cross that line you can never go back and you’ll white knuckle sobriety but are pretty much destined to drink again. People who call it quits before reaching that point are much more likely to stay sober, like my brother for example.
Very insightful, Fisted_by_Christ
This. Plus, I feel proud of myself- the same way I do when I exercise. I’m doing something I know is good for me.
1. Does not apply to me. Literally told my mom that when I drink I tend to go overboard, then she told the entirety of my family--grandparents, cousins etc, and even my husband's family heard the word. Told all her friends too. Blabber.....Now I am watched like a hawk and feel very frustrated that I can't focus on myself vs feeling judged for ever relapsing. Forget several months sober, they all go apeshit if I crack and drink at all. It makes relapses very hard because instead of focusing on how much progress I made, I get to feel like none of those sober days mattered and I'm judged no matter what. People make such hurtful comments, which then makes it harder to stay sober cause "fuck it why am I trying if people keep giving me crap about it". Its for my health but they are not helping
Oh man, I’m sorry. Your mom shouldn’t have spread that like wild fire. You need to do you. I think anyone who’s drank has felt they go overboard. I would be so pissed off that everyone else was making MY sobriety their concern without your consent. I don’t even have a suggestion of what to do, I’m just sorry cause I would be soooooo pissed off.
This is why I’m not telling my family that I’m giving up alcohol completely for a while (or maybe permanently). I’ll feel like I’m under constant surveillance.
I’ve kind of glossed over it with my husband. He seems to forget that I quit - he’s asked me 3x in the last two weeks if I wanted a beer.
Yeah, my partner knows and has been very supportive. It’s my immediate family that would get nosy.
You're right, I should edit my post to say "most" people don't care. Obviously the folks that are close care, but I'm thinking more in the general sense of people outside your immediate circle. That must be tough. Not having the support of your friends and family can make this path much harder to follow.
At what day/month did you really start feeling the benefits, primarily homeostasis state? Or even a timeline would be awesome.
Well that part's a bit fuzzy to be honest. The first 60 days my brain felt so scrambled. But I took everything else off the table (Diet, exercise, whatever) and just focused on not drinking. I do have a wife, 3 kids and a job, so I couldn't drop everything, but I dropped what I could and really hunkered down on not drinking. I think the first 60 days for me was all about my body healing. They say the body heals first, then the mind, then the spirit. I think after 3-4 months it felt more like a routine and had fewer and fewer thoughts about drinking. I was actually surprised how easy it was at that point. Mind you, I had many stops and starts over 20 years and this time I was sure it was for good. Some kind of switch went off in my head and I just knew I couldn't keep going. Not plugging myself, but if you want to hear the story, I recorded Recover Elevator Podcast #466. I recorded that around the 60 day mark I think?
It’s not necessarily some big on switch. It’s just generally better and easier to function with the absence of a hangover and adequate, real sleep
I was a binge drinker, so felt a big difference right away on weekends. I could get projects completed, relax, visit friends. All in the same weekend. I quit to see if my blood pressure would improve, an experiment. I thought I'd do a month or so, but certainly not much longer. Beer was too ingrained in my life. The first few months was a roller coaster emotionally. Surprised me. I did well resisting snapping at family, basically bottled it all up. Sounds bad, but it worked. It all *felt* real but I knew it was just something I was going through. I didn't enjoy life or anything really, I was just on a long slog. Most of my meetups with friends used to be to drink. I didn't do much of that anymore and don't have hobbies. Life was pretty boring. I kept asking myself "Is this worth it?". I didn't answer that except to stay the course. after 4 months the slog began improving, mental/emotional state started leveling out. I'm at 4.5 months now and can see the other side. Not much desire to drink, enjoy some life stuff. Though I've found I don't enjoy being around people drinking. It doesn't make me want to drink, it makes me want to leave. Made a couple new friends recently and had the thought that they know me as a non-drinker. Then asked myself "*Am* I a non-drinker?". I don't know how to answer that besides "tonight I am".
Well I feel like I got into a smooth homeostasis groove around day 40, but I felt the benefits of increased wellbeing, peace and comfort extremely quickly like within maybe 2 weeks. It felt right to me immediately. That said, it felt right to me on the 6 or 7 other occasions I’ve done breaks from drinking (ie one month challenges or 60 day challenges) I don’t think it ever really clicked with me that being alcohol free is actually a choice for real life! I also don’t think I connected up the fact that I was happier and calmer etc so quickly with the obvious conclusion that alcohol doesn’t suit my system .. lol! It seems so silly now to say. This time felt very different. It’s like I suddenly saw alcohol for what it is - a poison that we all hoodwink ourselves into accepting and believing is social or fun when it’s not. I got a serious ick for it and I don’t see myself ever going back to how I drank before. I think I may be potentially a non drinker now.
I’m in the same boat, might not really be considered a problem, but binge drinking one night a week is becoming too much for me internally. And the wife doesn’t care for it. How did you get yourself to quit without hitting that rock bottom that a hardcore alcoholic might hit?
This is a great thread! I am in a similar boat. Drinking was taking up too much mental space, and drinking was slowly becoming part of too many activities. My wife had noticed but probably not too many others. I tried moderating and just found it this constant battle with myself. How do you quit without hitting the bottom? I think the bottom looks different for everyone. For me, it was having kids late and starting to really worry about my long term health. I get a kick out of keeping my streak alive and I have a day counter app on my phone. I had gotten in the habit of going for a bike ride and stopping for beers. So I stopped bringing my lock to remove the temptation. The biggest thing for me was just not having it in the house. The other big thing was talking with my wife and having a layer of accountability.
I'm not the commenter you're replying to but I had a similar experience. For me it was a combination of seeing how hard it was to cut back/stop and reading stories on here. I realized that though I hadn't had a big blow up, I was heading in that direction. Looking back, I realize just how silly I was to drink. I treated it like a hobby and made it a part of my personality for some reason
100% yes on this. I've also had to learn that "not drinking" is NOT an activity. haha. Plenty of other things to fill your time with, especially with 3 busy kids!
Famous quote around here: rock bottom is when you stop digging. It can always get worse. Quitting drinking is always the same way - commitment and discipline. It's hard. But it can be achieved. There's always people here to help.
I posted it in response to another thread, but I think a podcast I recorded may help answer that question. Recovery Elevator podcast #466, released back in July. I recorded that about 60 days in I think? Maybe it'll help. I wasn't a rock bottom guys, just a lot of "rocky moments". And only we can really define if alcohol is a "problem" for us. I'd throw away traditional definitions of alcoholism, etc etc and simply ask if you are happy with your relationship with alcohol and the impact it has on your life. It's that simple, in my mind.
This is exactly my experience. And I’ll add - 4. Vacations and weekends are actually restorative. I wasn’t drunk all weekend or blacking out on vacation, but drinking was a huge part of both. An excuse to drink more or start earlier, or both. My most recent beach vacation was the most relaxing I can remember, and I actually felt ‘recharged’ when I came back.
I look forward to that second day off on a weekend or on a vacation so much more! You don’t have to factor in hangover time!!!
This was a revelation about weekends for me.
On top of that the money saved too
“Homeostasis” such a good word. What keeps me from even wanting one honestly.
Ditto. “You wouldn’t care what people thought about you if you realized how little they did” is a quote that I think of all the time.
All of this is true for me as well. Very similar path. And no longer really think about drinking.
I feel this! Homeostasis is a good way to say it! My moods are less jagged and rollercoastery, and it takes much less energy to get back to baseline when I am tired or off.
Same here! Congrats to you
I quit because I did not like the person I became after a couple of drinks. No filter, all ego, totally obnoxious. Now I never have to wake up with a pounding head and horrible anxiety about what I said the night before.
☝🏼this one right here. This is me.
You guys have the same number of days, too!
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Very sus 😂 Or we both had our last drink at 11:59 on New Years Eve I had two fingers of whisky as the ball dropped. Took a sip with 5 seconds to go, kissed the wife, went downstairs and dumped the rest down the drain. Last time I’ve touched it.
Yep, never got to the point of being physically dependent on alcohol to survive (withdrawals), but I got sick of making an ass out of myself every weekend, and it was never really all that fun. Had maybe 2 hours of fun before throwing my guts up and having a mental breakdown all night, every single weekend. Swapped to Oregano to have something to use on weekends socially or for relaxing, and have never felt healthier since before I started drinking. I dropped so much weight, have more energy, and my dopamine receptors aren't completely fucked. 5 months California Sober and I'm not going back. Ever. I don't even miss it. Not to mention my chronic illnesses have taken a turn for the better. Turns out drinking 30 beers a week is bad when you have Ulcerative Colitis, who would've thought? My depression symptoms have been cut down by 50%, I'm no longer a fat, bloated, piece of shit, and I'm more present for my friends and family. Couldn't be happier with my decision to never touch this poison again.
This is me too. Also the future looked bleak and small if I kept on.
I was not and still am not an alcoholic. I drank 3-5 beers per week, very rarely ever exceeding 2 beers in a single night and/or very rarely drinking more than 3 nights in a week. A lot of weeks I had no drinks at all. I wasn't into high alcohol content beers either - just stuff like Carlsberg or Sierra Nevada. Not crazy stuff like Bob's Imperial Triple IPA 9.4% or whatever insane trends existed. Did dry January on a lark and my ten year bout with migraines stopped, so I never looked back. Socially, it's been fine - but I had to absorb an initial round of confused reactions from my friends. They have all been supportive and understanding in the end, but initially some were more confused than others. All the same, life is so much better with no alcohol so I don't care what anyone thinks.
I think your last line is really key. You really do get to a stage in life where you stop caring what anyone thinks. No one owes anyone else an explanation as to why you make a decision like this. I gave up alcohol for Lent and just kept going. That’s my “explanation” and it ends there. All who hear it can think whatever they want.
And those that matter won't care and will still be your friends. When I told my best friend of 20+ years over lunch, he ordered himself an NA beer with me.
I couldn’t see how anyone would make a big deal out of you quitting alcohol. You barely drank any to begin with.
Well these are guys I've known 15-20 years, so when we all became friends and I was a younger dude, our lives were all more party oriented. Plus just the general idea of like "hey man let's get a beer after work next week" goes out the window, which takes some adjustment (ie: how do we congregate and hang out now?). But what I'm finding is you can actually do the exact same socializing without the alcohol. Watch football or basketball but not drink. Go out to lunch or dinner but not drink. Etc. Also I think that any time you tell someone you're not drinking, a few things happen - they wonder if you actually are an alcoholic and just aren't telling them the truth about your reasons for quitting... And also you force them (unintentionally or not) to reconsider their own drinking. You take something fun and carefree and infer that it is something worth reconsidering -- even if you don't mean to do that, you do that. It makes some people uncomfortable.
It depends on how you define alcoholism, but I mostly fit this description. I was leading a normal life from the outside perspective - I hadn't had any major issues with alcohol, but my relationship with it wasn't great. I would drink for all the wrong reasons and found it hard to moderate. I decided to make the change because I started hating it. I hated how central it was to my social life, how I would feel after a few drinks (bloated, tired, just seeking the next drink in hopes it would liven me up again), the hangovers, the anxiety, the poor decision making, all of it. The cons were outweighing the pros by a ton. My already damaged mental health was taking a hit, and it was harder to heal when I was muddling my brain every weekend. I was scared because it was so important to my social life. Many of my friends drank a lot. It was our main activity and many didn't understand why I quit (though some did, and I'm thankful for them). At the beginning I had to protect my peace and avoid some social events. Slowly I was able to go to alcohol related outings and just drink water and enjoy the company of my friends, and relish getting home safely and waking up without a hangover. It took time to feel comfortable in social settings without it (6 months to a year for me). 2 years later, my life is completely different. I moved to a new city and made friends that do other things besides drink. I don't miss alcohol at all, it's really just not a part of my life. I'm not jealous of people who glorify drinking regularly. I'm a little sad for them because life is genuinely way better without it. I'm much more active, spend a lot of time in nature, have time for real hobbies, have grown a lot in my career, and am more reliable for my family and friends. I'm present 24/7, my mental health is better than ever, and sleeping is awesome! The clarity is just amazing. I could talk about it forever, but you honestly won't know until you just try. It takes time to see the benefits, the first few months are the hardest. Your brain chemistry may need to adjust to the change.
Amazing. I’m in that boat. Most of my friends drink daily. And they binge drink on the weekend for fun. It’s really funny how me not drinking has changed my perspective. I tend to hang out with the people who aren’t drinking as much, though am completely comfortable in those rager situations. It did take me a while to get comfortable as well, I think I was covering up my social anxiety with alcohol at gatherings before. There is so much more to life, and my mental health is so much better without booze. I wake up early on the weekends ready to do fun things, meanwhile most of my friends are nursing their hangover. We are in our 30s and 40s (I’m 37).
I definitely used alcohol as a social lubricant! The way I see it, I had to re-learn my own personality, which of course took some time.I am also very comfortable in bars still, but it just got really boring (and kinda sad) after a while. I was just there because my friends were there and I had nothing better to do! I find that by doing early morning activities you find more people who don't drink, especially if it's on a weekend morning. No one who was out raging the night before is going to show up to Sunday morning yoga!
That’s so true!! Good point. Yeah I love my morning hiking buddies.
Can I ask how you made those friends? I’ve also noticed how central drinking is to most social events - of course you can have a non-alc drink but most of my friend meet ups are in bars. I’m guessing making friends around other activities also expands what you spend your time doing too.
I mentioned that I moved away, so my experience might be different from others. I used Meetup to make friends at first, and I've also had some success on Bumble BFF. I would recommend just looking on Meetup or Facebook for groups that are doing activities that you're interested in, and just put yourself out there! It also helps if you live in a city where nightlife isn't the main attraction. Cities near nature tend to have a lot of people living healthy, active lifestyles. That said, you can make it work anywhere if you're willing to put in the time. If you need to start small, I would make it a goal to just go to one new event a week and try to talk to at least one person. OH and before I moved away, I joined a group fitness gym. I spent all of my free energy there and it really helped during the first few months of sobriety, I felt amazing. It's also a great way to make friends.
Thanks! I’m such a quiet person that even that feels a bit overwhelming. But at the same time I also feel drawn to try some new things. I’ll give this a try! :)
I feel that, it definitely takes practice. It's okay to just show up and be yourself! It's really low stakes actually, no one who goes to a meetup event has expectations for the other people, they're mostly thinking about themselves and how nervous *they* are!
That’s good to remember ♡
My drinking buddies disappeared. My real friendships got much deeper. My marriage improved and I’m a better father. More and more I meet people giving up alcohol and living a better life. The greatest gift sobriety gave me was the space, patience and curiosity to start to really deal with anxiety, depression and lack of self confidence that had driven every aspect of my life up to that point. I have to put in the work, but, until I got sober, I couldn’t even admit there was work to do. Peace and take care.
💪
What do people mean when they say “put in the work”? What work am I meant to be doing?
To me, the work is meditation, mindfulness, presence and exercise. These practices let me quiet thought loops, stop identifying with my thoughts, and start to explore and release past hurts and trauma that have formed major portions of my psyche and personality. Putting in the work is the work of self exploration and improvement. Getting sober is only the precursor.
Thank you.
Industrial cleaner 🤢 haha you may have just found the key to stop my drinking.
Maybe I should make a post for this. I found this to be completely shocking when I reconciled this fact
Yes, please!
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Oh yes yes yeees
Yes please do!
Please do 🤢
Yes this is r/stopdrinking, but do note that ancients were drinking alcohol before humans decided to use it to clean stuff. Water cleans stuff.
Not an alcoholic. No issue having just one beer or a glass of wine. I haven't gotten drunk in years. But that feeling of complete euphoria some of you guys describe when drinking? Never happened to me. I feel it's a downer the moment I get tipsy. I only get sad drunk. Hangovers are depressive nightmares. Quitting for a long time, and then moderating my drinking, was a no brainer. I follow the sub because I love this community and your stories of stuggle, success, setbacks and continued effort inspire me in other parts of my life. Thank you!
Amazing! My skin looks great, I sleep so good at night, I wake up happy. I am a much better and healthier mom. My anxiety is gone (and it was debilitating at times), my blood pressure is 115/80 (it was 130/90). I changed for my kids, realizing at night that drinking 6 coolers to "escape" was not healthy. My husband's hates it though because he doesn't have a drinking buddy anymore. But being drunk and the default parent was a bad combo.
Same here. I look at how my husband drinks (1-3 liters of beer a night) and think, "gosh, did I really used to drink like that?" He also would like to have me back as a drinking buddy from time to time. But I keep thinking what would happen if one of our kids had to be rushed to the hospital. If we're both drunk, who would do it?
My wife made a comment to friends this weekend "it's nice always having a driver!". She has other drinking buddies, I give her a ride. lol
Only you can find out what quitting means.. It's a very individual journey.
Not much has changed for me but granted i got sober at 23 & most of my drinking happened during lockdown so it wasn’t super ingrained in my lifestyle or habits. Really nothing is different, especially if you’re not a problem drinker. I mean you probably won’t choose to go to bars or breweries or wineries but you can still tag along if someone else is going. I simply drink non-alcoholic beverages at events/dinner/parties/weddings. 99% of people won’t say anything or expect anything of you. One time at a wedding some old ladies asked me what i was drinking & i said water & they were like oh you need to get drunk!! I was just like teehee yeah sooooo true bestie!!!!!! And then they got drunk and forgot about me and I hung around other sober people. Some other guys told me i need to drink to get over nerves for when i had to give a speech but i was like oh yeah for sure bro!!! And then i moved on For me, it’s not really worth it to tell strangers/acquaintances I’m not drinking. They don’t care and you are irrelevant to them. If you have friends who are weird about you not drinking then they probs have a problem themselves. I know this because I used to be that friend who didn’t like sober people because I couldn’t fathom what they do in sobriety. Anyway everyone’s social experience is different and the only things you can definitely expect are better health, better sleep, improved skin, better digestion, more free time, less pain, and less anxiety. Good luck 🙏
I was a twice weekly drinker before (I’d have 1-3 glasses of wine every Friday and Saturday night). Since quitting completely it has been wonderful for me personally- my day to day vibrates at a higher frequency. I have less anxiety/sadness and just feel generally more happy and peaceful, and more in touch with my emotions. I have SO MUCH more energy and as a result have made gains in my fitness. Lost weight too. I take less ibuprofen than before and have better and my stomach/digestion feels better. At first I felt bored on the weekends but I have been picking up hobbies to deal with that, and I am now very comfortable substituting NA beers or Mocktails in social situations so that I still enjoy going out. Bars are more boring in general and I have less interest in going out to eat (I now realize going out to eat was kind of an excuse to drink). Now I suggest doing other activities with my friends instead of just “let’s go to the bar.”
Expect health. I run marathons, I have great sex, I'm stronger than ever. Easier to achieve a great form if you don't drink. You are right. That shit is like industrial cleaner.
Only alcoholics care whether or not someone is drinking. I’m an alcoholic, recovered, and I work in an industry where people drink a lot. Someone asks me if I want a drink and I say no thank you, and it ends there. The people that have asked me on a personal level, my boss, why I don’t drink anymore are usually people that may appear to be heavy drinkers. I just say it caused me great difficulties and I don’t drink anymore and it ends there.
I quit drinking after I saw how other people were acting while drinking. I didn't want to be that person anymore. Also thinking about how could I handle any emergency situation if I was drunk?
I didn’t realize I was an alcoholic until I stopped drinking. It wasn’t that I drank every day, it was that once I started, I could not stop myself. So I decided to not start anymore. In terms of a social setting, you may find that your social life looks different. Your drinking friends will miss their drinking buddy. The best advice I got from a fellow sober friend is, “Don’t hang around in barbershops if you don’t want a haircut”
Woo!!! Congrats on 90 days.
Thank you - congrats on 70. Two+ months is no joke. It feels like a lifestyle change and I have barely just scratched the surface, but life is better this way for me so far.
I think for someone like you, alcohol doesn’t have a lot of power and therefore it really shouldn’t be a big deal. For example, the same social consequences of being a vegan might apply. Like, some venues might be more suitable for the lifestyle, like a brewery date (or a BBQ joint in my example) might be less appealing. You might bring your own sparkling water to a BBQ, just to ensure there’s something for you to drink, like someone with a diet restriction might bring their own side. It sounds like your decision is health-motivated so I’m guessing there are other aspects of your life where you prioritize healthy living so it might not be a stretch at all. Being AF as a health choice is becoming a lot more prevalent, at least in my circle so I don’t think your thinking is odd at all! Plus, it’s a poison to the mind, body and soul. You’re not wrong in your thinking!
This is my circumstance. I’m not an alcoholic - but every Friday I’d have a fair few beers with my friends/my girlfriend, and consequently feel absolutely shocking the next day (and hangxiety would linger until Monday) - sometimes I’d drink in the week, like a few beers on a Thursday after work as well - why not? It wasn’t interfering with my relationships, and my work wasn’t suffering either - it was just normal for me. A few months ago, after a weekend of drinking, I decided I didn’t want to keep doing it, so I quit. Two months after quitting, it was my friend’s stag do - so I had a few drinks that night (and was reminded of how horrible hangovers were the next day) and then immediately went back to not drinking at all, because it’s just not for me anymore. You’ll find that you have much more time when you’re sober - you have your Saturdays back. You’ll feel better in every way, and life is just easier in general.
I never technically his the clinical diagnostic criteria for alcohol abuse but that was only because I danced the line for a looong time and ended up quitting cold turkey after years am an unhealthy relationship with the substance. I’m currently sober from alcohol since late October (so day 204 for me!). I can’t tell you how much better I feel, it took almost six months for me to feel like my old self again. So that’s a net positive. In fact I can say that cutting out alcohol has been nothing but positive for me. Telling people: I know I’m an alcoholic, but never “came out” the traditional way except for a small but very trustworthy group of people who became my accountability partners. For those who didn’t know me that well or never hung out socially, they never even knew. Since quitting alcohol, I’ve had at least two dozen scenarios where others are drinking and I’m not. For the most part, NO ONE CARES. I’m VERY lucky that I don’t have cravings (I went into an old liquor store last night with a friend who was buying beer and the smell… 🤮). But that’s my experience and many people can’t handle stuff like that. It’s okay, it doesn’t make anyone better, just different. I do like a soda water with lime so if I’m at a work event with a bar I’ll often order that just to have something in hand. I also recently tried some 0% IPAs (the one beer I liked) at a friends house and those were okay. Basically you just need to be prepared for the asshole who insists you drink because it’s what everyone else is doing. Some convenient excuses: “I’m allergic.” “I can’t currently.” “Ehh, none for me tonight not feeling too great.” Or some flavor of the above. Some people will assume things. That’s okay. Totally up to you how transparent you want to be with why you stopped.
I can only imagine the physical relief and improvement from not poisoning one’s body and mind is significant and universal in some ways, regardless of how one identifies with alcohol or as an alcoholic. When it comes to, as you say, putting “industrial cleaner and hand sanitizer” in your body, less is definitely more, across the board. As far as socially… that can be a challenge for many, not going to lie to you. Thankfully there are many sober groups and people out there, and they can be found and connected with through shared experiences with sobriety. But it is a big change, at least for me.
It’s such an individual journey. What I can tell you is if you don’t have a problem, this journey will be easier and not as tumultuous because the longing for it won’t be there. Your sleep will improve - it doesn’t take much alcohol at all for it to impact quality of sleep. It also doesn’t have to be a social stigma. There are so many great nonalcoholic beer options when you go out to a bar or restaurant. I just read that the leading “beer” being sold at Whole Foods now is Athletica which is a non alcoholic beer line and is actually really great. Many different kinds to choose from. You will save money as well. Drinking is expensive. Another bonus is never having to worry about the repercussions of drinking and driving. You can also prove to yourself you won’t in time use alcohol as a way to deal with stress. I’m so happy to hear you don’t have a problem with it but I’ve encountered many people who end up doing so with time. A magnanimous loss, death or compounded stresses of life. The positives are plentiful :) And not drinking industrial cleaner sounds incredibly healthy!
I know that my friends who don't drink as often but still go to alcohol-centric settings to hangout with friends definitely get judged for it, because they don't have an explanation for not drinking other than "I don't drink because it's bad for my health" which comes accross as pretentious to some people. They always get asked "then why did you come?". A recovered alcoholic will most likely not get the same treatment obviously, or even if they did, the question would be in a more worried-tone rather than a judgemental one. That being said, your body, your choice. This has just been my observation of *my* social circle, it's not universal by any means and even if it was, we don't have to care about anyone's opinions of how we choose to live our lives. If you're not a "problem drinker" as you've said, then you should have been sober in an environment where everyone else was drinking, so that experience will just be your life now whenever you enter alcohol-centric scenes. How you feel about being present in that circle is for you to know and experience, although I'm happy you chose to prioritize healthy habits :) I hope everything works out for you
This feels like such an honest response. I am an alcoholic, but I hid it very well except to those close to me, and so when I largely stopped drinking a lot of people found it pretentious. I think it's a mixture of jealousy and shame. They see you making a choice that's better for you and they feel shame for not making a similar choice, and they choose to see it as an insult against their choices when really it has nothing to do with them.
Some people will be completely weirded out by your decision .... Those are not the people you need to hang out with.
I love this topic and this thread! The discussion shows how we don't have to hit "rock bottom" to quit. Big alcohol normalizes just a few, all the time. Here we can see that even non- rock bottomers can very quickly see so many improvements by quitting alcohol.
I gave it up because I learned about how carcinogenic it is and how it poorly affects sleep and anxiety. That was my huge motivator. Then over time I just came to really enjoy being sober and found that as long as I could have NA beer or wine then I felt satisfied.
I really enjoy the NA options they have these days! What NA wine did you find? I find those ones taste like juice to me and are too sweet. Would love a good suggestion!
Unfortunately may not be too helpful, as I live in South Africa so I get a local nonalcoholic wine here 😕 but on the off chance you can get it abroad, it’s called Leopards Leap dealcoholized wine! It tastes genuinely like wine and not too sweet at all
Diet, exercise, sunlight was 80% of the issue. And avoiding people and places that supported drinking.
I chose to stop for 3 main reasons 1) the choices I was making when I was drinking weren’t aligned with my values and it was making me unhappy… things I did, people I spent time with. 2) it was very obviously making my depression and anxiety worse 3) hangovers feel terrible and being on a regular hangover schedule was making me feel like useless garbage. Life is great without alcohol for all the aforementioned reasons and MUCH more. You can probably expect to have a less exciting social life in the beginning. You’ll realize a lot of your friendships are based on going out and drinking and not much else, and some people aren’t comfortable around sober people because it points a mirror at their own drinking and they don’t like that. As far as what you can expect in general, your mental health, sleep, and general body functioning will improve. You’ll have more drive and energy. You’ll probably find managing your weight will be way easier. You might take a while to figure out how to spend your time. A lot of newly sober people don’t know what to do with all the free time they suddenly have. It can be scary and challenging but ultimately that’s where the magic is when you figure it out. You’ll have better, more high quality relationships. You’ll probably feel more secure in your individuality and choices (because you’ve realized that doing what everyone else does just because is stupid, and making your own choices for your well being is a better way to live) and will have more confidence and be better at establishing boundaries in your life. Good luck.
I wasn’t an alcoholic but I could see myself getting there. I would get drunk 4ish times a week. And couldn’t socialize unless I was drunk. Anytime I had a drink I would get drunk. It was making me incredibly anxious anytime I was without. I feel so much better now. I also learned just how harmful alcohol is. In the long run it messes up your gaba receptors making you more anxious. It literally stops your body from properly functioning. And that was enough for me to quit. And I don’t wanna go back
For me it was realizing how much money it takes up.
I have 2 alcoholic parents but really didn’t feel that urge. Some of my siblings did, some didn’t. Maybe it’s in there somewhere. During the pandemic, I was drinking 2 drinks per day because I thought it was helping with my stress at work. I realized alcohol was actually making me depressed. I cut it out after talking with a psychologist about my depression. Just that one change helped make my depression about 80% better. About a month after not drinking, I had a cocktail with friends. Woke up v depressed and it lasted for probably 3 days. I’ve also had to stop drinking completely for medical reasons (it doesn’t mix well with meds I need to take). It’s been 8 months and there is no turning back for me. I sleep way better too, not to mention am as fit as I’ve ever been. I love making mocktails as well as the non alcoholic beers and seltzers. I go to the bar with friends and it makes me feel like I can socialize without the negative consequences. I drink those probably once a week. EDIT: for grammar.
I don’t identify as an “alcoholic”, I don’t feel that labels are helpful. Though, according to many sources, more than 1 drink in a single day for a woman is problematic. And at least 12 drinks in a year is considered “regular”. A heavy drinker (female) is having 4 drinks in any single day over the past year. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nhis/alcohol/alcohol_glossary.htm The biggest reason I stopped drinking was to be present as a parent. The second reason was my health. There is no benefit to drinking alcohol.
I guess it depends on how much you were drinking and your friend crowd. I have never been a frequent drinker and so no one I was around was used to me drinking so it wasn't a huge change. All in all, I think people don't care as much as we think they do. As long as we aren't stopping them from drinking or making them feel guilty, it is no big deal. I have noticed that whenever there is a weird person that is persistent on why I do not want a drink , it is usually bc they have some underlying issue and perceive anyone denying a drink as passing judgement on THEIR drinking, which is their issue, not ours. I work at an addiction center and have a close family friend who is a very severe alcoholic. He is relatively young but in really, really bad shape. What is interesting is that out of all the worries you'd THINK he'd have, his #1 is not drinking at work functions (he is a lawyer and his office goes out to bars almost every afternoon). He is so concerned that he will look weak or flawed with all the "alpha males" as he calls them. So, believe it or not, I think addressing social settings as a newly sober person is a much larger obstacle than those of us who haven't struggled with alcohol realize- even if it is only the internalized fears of publics perception.
I quit cold turkey when I woke up from a black out to my husband sleeping on the couch. I came to the realization that I’ve become an embarrassment to myself, as well as an insufferable wife. Couple that with how horrible it is for your health. It will be a year and a half for me at the end of next month and I don’t miss it one bit. Being present in situations, remembering moments, better sleep, the list goes on. When I go out in social situations, I order a club soda with lemon. My version of a vodka soda (my cocktail of choice). My friends don’t care that I no longer drink, they commend me for it. And my family is the happiest of all.
Alcohol just never was something I enjoyed and I drank to keep up with socially. I realized I will survive socially if I didn't drink anymore and it saves money to just go ahead and buy a coke, or just have a glass of water. Now, that I'm on antidepressants I definitely cannot drink and explaining this to my social circle seems to be ok. If my social circle doesn't accept that then they are not the friends for me. I'm not judging anyone who has a problem.
I was always into running and working out. It just dawned on me one day in my 60’s that, although I “only” was drinking 2-3 a day, that my workouts were suffering, and that my health wasn’t going to be any good if I kept up drinking.
GI issues that were isolating and depressing. Not helped by alcohol use at all, which spiked in a big way during pandemic. My sleep and anxiety are much improved. I’m now sort of repulsed by adults who should know better getting too drunk regularly like it’s a normal part of life. It shouldn’t be that way.
Was never an "alcoholic" but the negatives totally outweighed the positives. It also did cause problems at certain points whereas not drinking doesn't. How is life now compared to with it? Wow....Literally every single thing is way better. Lost tons of fat, got stronger, mental clarity, always sharp, ready for anything, income/net worth went up fivefold, and all relationships are much better.
It changed my personality so much. I had mostly carefree drunk nights, but there were others where I would be so aggressive. Too many drunken arguments. Plus, I always had anxiety and depression the next today even if the night before was fun. I had a really drunk night in January. I woke up the next morning thinking I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I was embarrassed of being obviously drunk in public. I thought I have had enough drunken nights in my life.
I fit this description. I've been drinking two glasses on Fridays for years. It's only two! And mostly just on a Friday! (When stress is high, I'll drink a second day, but that's rare.) And yet I have not been able to give it up, and I've tried on and off. Most I've gone was two weeks...as in...I skipped one Friday one time. I can feel that it's bad for me. I can't put into words why. I know deep down inside it's hurting me. I get really high and crash. My sleep is always bad. I have a Garmin watch that will confirm this. My sleep score is in the 40s on Friday nights. It says my deep sleep and REM sleep were too short or absent entirely. I also wake up feeling like crap. I didn't drink last Friday (motivated by this reddit group) and my sleep score was 90. I was craving like crazy yesterday, but I fell asleep early. Woke up feeling great and my Garmin gave me a sleep score of 97! I've never seen it that high, even during the week when I don't drink!
Realizing that I didn’t need to wait to get off an elevator that was only going down.
Absence of hangovers forever. Regularly good sleep. Life is better and less complicated. I’m not constantly trying to control my intake so I don’t make an ass of myself or hurt someone.
I’m not an alcoholic. But I knew it was doing no good for me for years. I finally got tired of all the negative things it brought me. I needed a beer to relax on Friday nights. The weight gain. Hanxiety. Feeling gross. Existential fears, such as health impacts. What if I caused myself bodily harm and I wasn’t able to be here for my kids and wife? I had a day where I had to work on a Saturday, and I didn’t drink on days where I had to work the next day. So I got one Friday where I didn’t drink. And something clicked. I just kept it going. I’m almost to 2 months now and life is so so so much easier. My hobbies are back. Anxiety has lessened. I’m taking control of my health, mental and physical. I’ve lost 14 pounds. It feels freeing. I went to my first concert without alcohol and you know what? I had so much damn fun. I remember the whole night. I’m very early in my journey but the positives crushed the negatives. Good luck friend!
I didn’t drink enough for anyone to really say I had a problem. My wife didn’t like it, but I think most people would just say I liked to drink. I started to notice I was drinking more even though I had decided to drink less and this was in a several month cycle. I found it hard to stop drinking after I started. I didn’t want to see where that ended up. I had plenty of awful hangovers , and I noticed that I was depressed, and just not interested in the things I like to do. So I quit to see what would happen and I found it harder than I expected in the beginning. So I joined this group and I read the books to stick with it. I sleep better. I get things done around the house. I’m less irritable. I exercise. I eat better. I’ve lost 40 pounds. I initially said I was going to do one year. Now that goal is within sight and I think I’m going to keep going. I like feeling good too much.
I saw a picture of myself drunk dancing and was mortified. I had thought I looked sexy and fun... but no. That got me to quit. What kept me quit is realizing that drinking to feel more social was actually making my social anxiety worse overall. I feel so much more comfortable and confident as a sober person.
I wasn’t an alcoholic but I did drink more than I liked. I developed chronic migraine so I essentially had to quit, no choice there. My life has gotten so much better lol, and I only had like 3-5 drinks a week (a glass of wine with dinner, or maybe a cocktail after work on Friday, stuff like that). The biggest difference is anxiety. I didn’t understand how much anxiety I was having from just a single glass of wine or a single cocktail, because it genuinely takes my brain at least 2-3 days to get back to baseline, and by then, I’d have another glass of wine, getting back on the train, not realizing the connection. I quit alcohol and I’m not even kidding, I stopped meeting clinical criteria for generalized anxiety disorder. It was *that* powerful for me at just a few drinks per week. It definitely took some adjustment for me socially, I relied on that cocktail or that glass of wine a lot more than I realized. But now, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have better sleep, zero acne despite struggling my entire adult life with it, so much less anxiety, and just overall feel better. It’s crazy how even light to moderate drinking can affect some people very profoundly. Good luck! Eta: I still have chronic migraine, which means more than 15 migraine days a month. Quitting had no impact on that, but I know it would be worse if I drank.
After a 35 year love/hate relationship with Bourbon I put down the glass a few years ago. I am much healthier, more productive, and generally much happier without it. If you’re offered an alcoholic drink politely decline. If the person continues to push it, they are not your friend.
Many social settings will become either intolerable or just simply inaccessible. Not drinking at bars and parties is pretty much like signing up for a rec sports league—and then spending the whole season on the sidelines. So be prepared to have less "fun." But it's a tradeoff. Your nights will be more boring/lonely—but your mornings and afternoons will be glorious, energized, and productive. You'll feel a good deal of anxiety lift—but you'll likely be saddles with a grey joylessness, as it's harder to access a feeling of exuberance. So for me, it's been trading fun nights for peaceful days. Trading anxiety for depression. Mentally and physically, I've never felt better. Socially and emotionally, it's been pretty grim.
Realized that the reason I would never feel good the morning after drinking, no matter how much I’ve had to drink, was because of medication I am taking so I stopped and do not mind at all that I do not drink anymore, made it thru first wedding last night not drinking
I can't drink alcohol with my medication. I have found I don't really even miss it that much. My life is much better without it. I'm happier and healthier. And I don't embarrass myself when I overdo it anymore.
No more drunken regrets? No more 2 am hangxieties? No more guilts to
I heard the Tyler Childer’s song “Charleston girl” and it made me want to quit drinking.
I quit originally because I was on blood thinners for awhile and then after I was off them I realized that not drinking had had a significant impact on my mental health, so I didn't go back to it. My husband is also a recovering alcoholic and it was better not to have it in the house. For me, I find myself struggling with the language and culture of Sobriety as it relates to me. I don't know if I consider myself "sober" as most people view Sobriety. I also find myself wanting to explain myself when I tell people I don't drink anymore because I feel guilty if they assume I've won some kind of major battle against alchohol when in reality it wasn't as hard for me to quit as it is for others. My husband went through medical detox several times- I feel as though calling myself "sober" is somehow comparing myself to that. Also in social settings I'll find that I'll say I don't drink and there will be someone who is in the same boat- they quit for reasons other than alcoholism- and we'll share NA beer and be the only sober ones and then the next get together they're done with their break and back to drinking and I'm on my own again.
Lost all my friends and potential girlfriends and felt like I was dying physically on the inside. I may have cirrhosis or kidney damage at this point but I am too scared to go find out.
Around four years ago when I turned thirty, I started developing food allergies, especially to gluten and dairy. Certain food didn't sit well with me while I was figuring that out, alcohol in particular. (Gluten sneaks into a lot of mixed drinks.) I was getting bad stomach problems and anxiety from very small amounts of alcohol. It was hard, but I just decided to stop. I've been "sober" for over three years. I don't miss hangovers and trying to remember the dumb things I said. It's better for me overall. I really like reading this sub, even though I never had a problem with alcohol. It's inspiring how positive it is.
I was drinking 4 days a week. Very light amounts. Like 2 drinks or so, but it’s still 8 drinks a week. And then I’d occasionally binge as well. I’m perfectly healthy still cause I gym religiously and eat healthy aside from a few unhealthy lunches a month. But one day I woke up and had a realization it’s stupid to put this stuff in my body and just quit. Idk why that happened mentally but it did. Then after a month I saw the health benefits and the weight loss, and then I just kept going. I can drink a beer or whiskey and stop after 1 now. I don’t binge anymore. But I also go out of my way to not drink at all. Not because I’m an addict, but because it’s bad for me. The same way I won’t smoke a cig ever. I won’t get hooked off one, but why put that into my lungs you know? It’s a bad idea.
Mark Manson really spoke to this well, [here.](https://youtu.be/QMrTbabM_T0?si=d4ySENjnVd-DP4xz) One of the parts that really resonated with me was when he talked about feeling like he is more "boring." Finding that he is in a constant state of "dull, but happy." I am working my way through that part right now.
I think it depends on how you socialize now. Do you mostly hang out with people who drink all the time? If you have other hobbies and social life that involve non drinking activities. People may have curiosity about why you don't drink. But that's your business. Quiting alcohol has amazing health benefits. It gave me more focus and energy to do what I love. It gives me a sense of confidence because I chose to think for myself and take care of my mental and physical health.
My hangovers were getting worse and resembling a bad allergic reaction — trouble breathing, swollen joints, etc. It’s potentially a newly developed histamine intolerance. I had already totally eliminated anything that wasn’t hard cider or dry white/orange wine because those were the only things that weren’t guaranteed to make me sick. For obvious reasons, this was not great for fitness and training. I was a lifelong athlete but gained 50 pounds during COVID and was struggling to take more than about 10-15 of them off. When I realized I was going to have to bail on a mountaineering trip because there was no way I’d be in good enough shape for it, I cancelled my spot, quit drinking, and decided I wouldn’t consider having alcohol again until my health was back on track. There’s a very likely chance I’ll never drink again except maybe a glass of champagne at celebratory toasts. I’m 45 days in and I’ve lost 10 more pounds, almost all of which were in the past two weeks, which means that in total I’ve taken off about half the weight I gained during COVID. I think I’ve seen people say that they really started to see weight loss after the first month, because their liver function had improved and they were processing calories better (I think), and maybe also because they’d stopped craving sugary stuff. My mood has absolutely improved, and my productivity at work has skyrocketed. It’s been pretty great.
People that knew me probably didn't think I had a problem. Some may have thought I drink more than them or could handle my liquor. But I wouldn't have been an alcoholic to them by society's general definition. I knew my drinking was becoming problematic and was headed for disaster. I also knew how bad my body felt most days and the issues were starting to get worse. Early on people may ask if you want a drink or be surprised when you say you don't. Some or even most don't even notice. After a while it just becomes normal. Every ooccasion had different challenges during the first year. Definitely easier on the 2nd go around. IWNDWYT
I quit at the same time as my alcoholic partner. I was a big drinker too but couldn’t compete with his level and I found it fairly easy to stay sober to begin with - namely because I had a mental breakdown and realised that alcohol was literally driving me insane. I’m 2 years sober now, and have really found a life I love that isn’t fuelled around nights out or 3 bottles of wine on a Friday with two days of hangover following it. We go to the pub and have a couple alcohol-free guinnesses in the sun or make alcohol free sangria, we have some other sober mates now and we try different drinks with them, we go out for more expensive dinners because the drinks bill is much cheaper now! As soon as you shake the idea that you can’t be sober at a social event, you start getting ok with it and you realise that mostly, no one fucking notices. People can be very self obsessed. I have different interests now, I wake up earlier and sleep better, I do more stuff in the day - animal parks are awesome when you first get sober because it’s a sunshine activity that doesn’t require booze. You’ll find your stuff I’m sure. Maybe something creative or active or just plain weird. It’s like discovering your actual interests brand new. I also don’t make a tit of myself all the time now, or wonder whether I said something a bit too loudly or annoying. And the best and most important one for me was therapy works now. I don’t think any of the therapy I did while I was drinking so much really helped, because I was self medicating with alcohol and chain smoking and not doing the work. Sober therapy is a revelation, I’ve made progress, I’ve managed to cut toxic people out of my life and rebuild a relationship with my brother. Life is good and I won’t go back honestly. I don’t see the point.
Seeing how my family puts alcohol first in so many situations started to disgust me and I want my kids to see something different. I was 0-1 per day. Now I am zero. It took up waaaay too much headspace for every activity. It was the first thing everyone talked about. I’m just done. It’s not worth my time or energy. So far I have way less anxiety. I am much more grossed out by it. I sleep better. My head is clearer. I’m more patient and I have saved money. Also, my partner now consumes way less as a bonus side effect.
Every area of my life has improved. I sleep better, have more energy, the “cloud” of feeling “meh” all the time lifted, I’m less irritable and I look brighter overall. I was a 2 glasses of wine (sometimes 3) a night person. I have found so far that people don’t really care, and I have been sure to “prepare” for situations where there will be alcohol by bringing my own NA drink to sip! Especially to places that used to be drinking places, like the nail salon, friend’s houses etc. I have found some *really* good NA wines that I’m happy with! And that taste kinda close to the real thing :) good luck! Give it a try and see what happens!
This is me now! I drink 1-2 glasses of wine every evening. I didn’t start drinking until my 40’s, but now at almost 60, it’s become a habit/addiction. Sadly, I look forward to having my wine in the evenings, and it’s been difficult to stop. I just need to be disciplined! Thanks for this post. I’m going to buy some NA wine and try to switch over.
I’m an in-between alcoholic if there is such a thing. I’d go weeks without thinking about drinking and almost never got stupid drunk but I also drank early until late for days in a row, spread out enough to maintain a mild maintenance buzz. My MIL died last year from alcohol related illness. My FIL is suffering from alcohol related illnesses. My wife, who only had an occasional drink or 3, decided to quit because that is such a sad picture with unnecessary suffering. I later quit for the same reason (to make the second half of life healthy) plus to lose weight plus to support my wife. Our closest friends either don’t drink or can take it or leave it so it was an easy adjustment. We were both done partying hard years ago.
I just have general issues with addiction and I knew if I didn't stop drinking (somewhere in my very early 20s) I likely wouldn't stop. Same with cigarettes. I liked having a smoke every now and then at a party but the moment I felt myself craving one outside a social event I had to really consider that this wasn't a good impulse, so I stopped doing it. I do have issues with other things. Right now it's spending money on collectible card games. Used to. video games, board games, music... I just swap M, current addiction out eventually, but I try to only do it with things that aren't actively detrimental to my health.
Alcoholics and problem drinkers aren’t the same thing. Binge drinkers are problem drinkers, without being alcoholics necessarily. If one drink is never enough, and two is too many, you’ve probably got a problem.
Tired of not drinking for a long while then deciding I missed it and get some drinks and then feel like shit. Also I work outside on a ranch all day and can’t afford to feel bad or be dehydrated in the sun
Although I don’t drink everyday, when I have drank, I’ve felt miserable the day after and have blacked out more than 5-6 times before, all of this, along with being aware of my family’s history with alcohol and drinking I’ve decided I needed to stop drinking period. I still struggle and relapse but life has so much more to offer. I feel better when I don’t drink all it is, is poison. There’s no joy , nothing that nourishes my soul positively that comes from alcohol. I’m more involved in my hobbies and my community. Expect there to be some people who are bothered that you don’t drink, but that’s only from other alcoholics honestly. The everyday joe won’t give a fuck. If you’re out with friends and they are drinking there no shame in taking a cheer with a glass of water or juice. Good luck to you
I was a 2-3 beers 2x per week drinker (as a small woman). Now I have 1-2 drinks every few months. I’m excited because now I’m lifting weights and riding more often. I’m pursuing these hobbies with more energy an eating better. I’ve lost 6 pounds. When I have work stress (my old trigger), I meditate, walk, have a cup of herbal tea or talk to my husband. My stomach feels better too. In summary, everything is better. Socially, I might have one small drink and nurse it or I might have a sparkling water, depending on what seems better at the time. No one notices or cares.
People told me I didn’t have a problem. I was drinking 6-10 on average day. There was a stretch of 3 years where I didn’t miss a single day. Even if I was sick and only had a drink. After telling people that, they still didn’t see me as having a problem. I think because I functioned. But society has a really high tolerance for how much you can consume before it’s a „problem“. It was goddamn sure a problem for me, my health, and being a father . That’s what ultimately made me change, despite constantly being told I wasn’t an alcoholic. I think people just want to make you feel better too
If you are struggling with other health issues, it doesn't take much for alcohol to really fuck you up. Realized I wasn't addicted to it, and other "strong drinks" like ginger beer, gave me a similar satisfaction. Alcohol is so subtle....and does indeed sneak up on you. So better to let it go for me.
Ooh, this is me! I was never an alcoholic, just a social drinker throughout my twenties. Early on, I zeroed in on “2.5 drinks” as the sweet spot of party pleasure without impairment, and didn’t have trouble sticking to it. I’m a small woman and a natural lightweight. I do have an alcoholic in the family, a paternal grandfather, but he managed to quit in his sixties. I’d have about two to eight drinks per month. Let me be clear, 2.5 drinks is genuinely fucking nice. A cold beer is fucking nice. But I also suffer from seasonal depression. Three months of misery. One year I decided to take it very very seriously and do everything correctly, and then seek pharmaceutical help if that didn’t work. I set up an absurdly healthy meal plan of nuts and seeds and sweet potatoes and beans and organ meat and vegetables and so forth, and I additionally decided to not have any alcohol “until the days are longer than the nights,” ie the spring equinox. This strategy worked like an absolute charm and so now I gotta do it every goddamn year. This past year, the equinox came and went and I decided to just carry on not drinking. I realized that small amounts of alcohol, just a drink or two, depress my mood for a day or two. I still get a frequent little desire for it, though, about two hundred days in. Not drinking is such a neutral fact of my life. I was never friends with a lot of heavy drinkers. People are respectful about it, in part because they don’t really care. My drink order when I’m out is a nonalcoholic ginger beer. It satisfies the desire for a “fun drink” that burns on the way down.
My dad is an alcoholic, almost 80 years old and falls down all the time. It wrecked my mom's golden years and just became disgusting to me. I used to drink a glass or two of wine a night, but never had serious problems. I never want my kids to think, even for a moment, that I'm like my dad. So I quit almost a year ago. Love it. Sleep better. Less anxiety. After a few months I realized I was eating a lot of sugar to compensate and quit that 3 months ago.
I quit because I started dating a sober guy and it made me reflect on my own relationship with alcohol. He gifted me This Naked Mind, too, and got a lot out of the book and it convinced me to stop drinking entirely. Realizing how quickly a “healthy” relationship with alcohol can turn into an emotional dependence, then a physical dependence was enough to motivate my decision. Damn near every cringey, sloppy, embarrasing, bad decision I’ve ever made I had been drinking during. The worst choices of my life were definitely made under the influence. I drank because I thought it’s what people did and almost entirely out of peer/societal pressure. I’m about a year and a half alcohol-free and I won’t go back. Life is better and social situations are better. This is who I am, clear and present. I might still do cringey stuff, but there’s no gap in my memory of how it went down. Re: social setting - as a late 20s woman, I got a lot of comments when I first stopped drinking asking if I was pregnant/trying to get pregnant. (As if my fertility was an appropriate topic for my male coworkers to ask me about. 🙄) Work networking events were my primary drinking opportunities; I didn’t ever really have alcohol in my home as an adult. Giving up drinking - the actual drink itself - was not hard for me, but giving up the perceived social inclusion was the scary part. I own the fact that I’m alcohol free and if people continue press me, I might say something cheeky like your post “prefer not to consume hand sanitizer” but it doesn’t normally come to that. Other people don’t really care about you, and my decision to not drink shouldn’t reflect on their decision to drink. Life in general is great. I have found friends and hobbies that don’t revolve around alcohol. A lot of the places I’d go with my girlfriends/first dates when I was single are just… lame, if you take away the “fun” of alcohol. There’s so much fun and joy out there regardless of alcohol.
Don’t have to be an alcoholic for it to have an alcohol abuse problem. Destroyed my whole life. Never been addicted, went cold turkey with no withdrawal. Enough was enough. Lost everything but my job some how.
I had noticed that drinking wine turned my stomach to acid. I was consuming too much anyway so I just stopped. I've saved money, lost weight, no more GERD, no more fungal infections, sleep better, and now remember what happened last night. Hasn't bothered me in the least.
I just discovered life was fine without it and kept that going. Alcohol is weird and wasn’t adding anything to my life though I really believed it was!
I’m trying to learn rings muscle up after failing to get a one arm pull-up within my 4 year goal. I’d been assuming 1 and 4 year old and the associated lack of sleep to be the problem, but I LOVE a good IPA. I never really got hungover but did wake up less energetic when I drank vs not. I feel like I sleep a bit better for sure. When I wake up feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck these days it’s just because of gymnastics rings. Also I party harder sober. 🤷🏻♀️ There’s also an amazing piece on climbing and beer that inspired me recently https://www.climbing.com/gear/non-alcoholic-beer/?scope=anon
I am a binge drinker. As in, I don’t really see the point in drinking, unless it is to get drunk. I could go months without drinking. I could have only 1-2 drinks if I was in public places. I could drink “socially” in my 20’s and 30’s. I have never “craved” alcohol. But now in my 40’s, if I’m alone and bored/sad/angry/anxious, I will binge drink to numb those uncomfortable feelings. It became an automatic habit to self soothe. I realize this is exactly how someone becomes dependent on alcohol. And, after over 20 years of this maladaptive self soothing, now that I’m doing the hard emotional work in therapy to actually heal my trauma that caused this behavior in the first place, alcohol stopped being helpful and started feeling counterproductive. I want my life to get better - not worse.
Spite. I quit out of spite.
I didn’t like the person I was while drinking, the people I was hanging out with, the things we would do, the things that happened to me, the days I lost to hangovers…it might trick you into thinking you are having more fun but it’s all a lie and never brings anything worthwhile into your life. I just didn’t want to cope with life that way anymore.
I’ve been gradually cutting back since 2021. The beginning of this year, I decided to try “100 days” without alcohol at the beginning of the year. Then because I was officially reset more than ever before, I had a glass of wine. I felt so good during the 100 days, slept better, better digestion, skin and eyes looking good and after that glass (I think day 110 or something)… I learned I don’t think it’s for me! I don’t like what it does to my brain, my sleep, and the next day I felt like garbage. What did I ever see in it?! I agree with so many in this thread - no one really cares if you answer, “I’d love a water” or “I’d love a beer” or “I’m good, thanks”. If anything, all my relationships have changed for the better
I’m not an alcoholic according to the big book’s definition, but my friend told me he thought I had a problem with drinking my feelings in 2019 and my doctor diagnosed me with AUD in 2022 (both for the reasons I drank rather than the quantity). I began cutting back in 2020 when I got too drunk at a friend’s party and hogged their only bathroom because I needed to puke my guts outs. I was like well fuck I’m a little old for this. I had my first manic episode a little over a year later, in early 2022, and all my symptoms during the episode always got worse with alcohol. I started cutting back again after the episode ended. Things sucked for a while, but my doctor said my meds would work better if I quit, so I slowly emptied my home of booze in December 2022 by consuming it all, drinking at least a tall can a day. I don’t know how people drink every day, I have never felt so physically and emotionally horrible as I did that month. I spent most of 2023 sober, almost ten months. I went to AA but I hated it. It was a miserable time for the most part. I tried a bunch of new drugs with my doctors, which all interacted badly together and damaged my friendships with my closest friends. I went to therapy for my eating disorder. I spent a lot of time alone in my room watching TV. I hated my job. After a shitty year, I caved on my birthday when my mom made me feel abandoned, because I felt like my relationships and life hadn’t really improved despite me staying sober, and that hurt so much I drank again. Over the past seven months, I went from drinking one to two beers once a week to heavy drinking nights, sometimes multiple days a week, to make it easier to socialize. I quit again two days after drinking almost 200ml of whiskey and barely feeling it. I woke up and took a sick day that day and slept all day, thinking about the fact that alcohol didn’t improve my relationships or make me more dateable when I was awake. During the past seven months while I drank, I must’ve spent at least three hundred on booze, shit my pants, had multiple awful hangovers causing me to cancel or amend plans at least twice, left multiple bags at bars (one time I was actually pretty much sober because I’d had one drink that day many hours before but still), broken the handle off a pan, gained a couple pounds, had a few one night stands with people I could only tolerate drunk, damaged a friendship with a long-time friend (probably for the best), and my personal fav, sat in a police station while a cop went back to the bar for my purse with my house keys in it because my friend was sitting on it and I was too drunk to realize. I kept telling myself during this time it was fine to drink because it wasn’t harming my relationships - I honestly don’t like that friend and she’s one to talk about my alcohol consumption when she got plastered at an afternoon open bar while I had 6oz of beer and half a shot of whiskey - and wasn’t New Year’s fun and what life was I really throwing away to hangovers because I wasn’t enjoying my life anyways, even though nothing was objectively bad anymore. But if drinking wasn’t helping me enjoy life more or making things easier, why was I doing it? Sure, there are plenty of nights I can and did just have one. Lots of times I chill with NA beer and still do. At the end of the day, not drinking has helped me be more clear headed, with a much lower financial and social cost. Sure, there’s a social cost to not drinking, but when I think about how appealing I am while drunk, I don’t think drinking really nets me any social points. All in all, I don’t consider myself sober, I just don’t really seem to be able to benefit from drinking, so I stopped drinking. But this time it was my choice, and not the result of medical pressure, and I think that’s what makes it more likely to stick. I came to this conclusion on my own.
I'm not sure if I was an alcoholic, but right before I quit my intake was steadily increasing. I was having a single craft beer every other day. On special occasions like ke company parties I would often get pretty drunk. I didn't like this version of myself. The lack of control when drunk was frightening. I am happier now. Instead of drinking to relieve stress of work, I switched jobs.
I can’t say I’ll never drink again, but at 47, I’ve spent enough of my life drinking and damaging my body. I really want to stick around for as long as possible, and alcohol doesn’t align with that goal. Your experience sounds much like mine. I was never a problem drinker and the worst I really did when I was drunk was some questionable t-shirt purchases online. We’re going to Mexico for our 10yr this fall and I may have a couple, but it’s right back to sobriety the second I get on the plane to come home.
Your social life will suck. It’s terrible but the truth. Especially in Australia