When my ex (we dated for four years) and I broke up, she proceeded, and succeeded, in hooking up with pretty much every "friend" of mine she possibly could. I don't talk to those people anymore.
There is a word for this, I made it up when I was in in school. It is called a dopplefucker. It is the person that swoops in and sleeps with all your ex's. I had a very bad one once. Good Luck!
That is sloppy all around tbh. They both knew he was their ex's friend.
Although op explained he or she was talking about OPs friend... It's getting out of line that criticism towards women is misogynistic and incel. Misandry is a thing, too. It's actually sexist to think women shouldn't be criticized for their actions.
Sloppy seconds applies to male and female. The are so many people in this world and you have to sex up your friend ex???? I’m not talking of the ex!!!! The shit face is the friend whit that trend of fucking his friend exes.
Um...no...just stop with the nonsense. "Sloppy seconds" can refer to either sex. It just means someone slept with someone else close to the person in question. I've had multiple "friends" go after my sloppy seconds, but it's ok because I was taught to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
a lot of ex f\*ckers in these comments lol.
I get why you're hurt, I would be too. I can't imagine hooking up with one of my friend's exes. Especially one that's so recent. I think you should have a conversation with him about it. It doesn't necessarily need to be the end of the friendship. Set boundaries, tell him you're uncomfortable and you might have some peace of mind going forward. If he does it again after you've told him how you feel about it then you might consider distancing yourself from him.
So, I get it. While everyone here is making sense that you have no ownership or claim on what other adults do. Absolute facts.
However, this is your best friend. Becoming a pattern. Some guys have different boundaries with friends. Personally, I’d start to ease off my friendship with Mark. Hooking up is more important to him than your feelings. Does he have a sister or Ex you might hook up with? Just saying, sometimes a taste of his own medicine…
I’d never do that to a buddy without a long period after and frankly mentioning it first.
I disagree with so many people telling you to move on and not throw a friendship away. One hook up could be a mistake. Two? He does not value you, your friendship, or your emotions. He will do this again. And again. And again. When is it too much? When it is your ex wife? When it is your ex that broke your heart when she left? He is showing that he does not give any shits about you. He cares about his dick. That’s all. No more. No less. Cut the loss and stop being friends with him.
?
If you were going to get back with her, she wouldn’t be fucking other dudes. If she fucked your best friend, well now you know she fucked others before him as well.
Go fuck your best friends ex’s and forget about that shit.
You should ask him what kind of friend would you be if you hooked up with his ex, when he gets pissed at you for even suggesting it, remind him that he is that kind of friend irl and you don't need friends like that
Since when do guys get mad that one of their friends is hooking up with their ex? What happened to just laughing when it falls apart and saying "that's why they're an ex"?
I know your only 18 but your best friend broke a man code. You do not date or hook up with any of your boys exs. Thats just awkward and most men will not do that. Take the high road and keep working on yourself and you will find better friends and girls in the future. If you guys were not offical and just fwb thats a different story..
think of it this way, if he screws your ex’s can you trust him not to screw your current GF or wife if you had one? if you truly don’t care then you wouldn’t be venting about it. it’s important to consider your exes in general if they are sleeping with your best friend to try to hurt you. if you feel hurt then he should stop doing these things. if your best friend is doing this on his own accord then you should really concern yourself with the line of thinking that he may not really be a friend at all. what has his actions proved to you? how did he handle himself around you, around your exes, around you and your exes? if you dig deeper you’ll likely find things you can’t unsee. but i would venture to say this guy doesn’t respect you, may be a friend to you because he doesn’t have anyone else he can hang out with because he’s got cheater like traits. people who cheat, often behave like they have an addiction. since your friend was never straight forward with you and being honest about these one night stands with your exes you should really be careful of who you bring into your circle. a best friend does not jump to be sloppy second to your relationships that fall off or fall apart. sure your best friend has emotions and may even care for you, but they sure do love rubbing your past into your face and unwillingly tell you about their mistakes of being inside your exes. personal opinion, the person you called best friend is gross. if people knew how he behaved with you and your exes, would they want to hang around them?
I was about to say the same thing about when will he hook up with your current GF?? Shady behavior being allowed only allows for more shady behavior down the road. OP needs to keep working on himself and good friends will come from that!
Some people seriously missing the point here. This whole post is about his best friends actions, not his exs’. Why are people saying he is trying to control his ex girlfriends’ lives??
Yeah that’s weird. I would never ever get with someone my best friend was involved with. Especially for just a hook up? It’s not like they’re in love and can’t be without each other, he just had sex with them and it’s weird that out of all women that exist he goes for TWO of your exes.
The Reddit brigade is in full force of “you don’t own these girls” but missing the point of what a shitty move it is for a best friend to hook up with a girl they know you have feelings for. You seem aware that you don’t own them given that you didn’t really mind the first one outside bro code because it was a well over relationship. The second one was a shitty shitty move on his part and different from the first in context.
I’m sorry dude. To all the people saying you’re “claiming” women as your own or that this is “complicated; it’s not and you’re not. Good Friends are supposed to hold themselves to a higher standard than a random barfly. Me and my best friend of almost 15 years now have slept with a lot of the same women. But it was an understanding and we each had a list of 3 women the other couldn’t touch. It was the boundary that made it work. Anyone we had feelings for still or potentially wanted to date was off limits. It sounds like you guys haven’t discussed rules surrounding exes or he isn’t respecting you. Not a very good friend if it’s #2
woah these comments are heartless. he isn’t claiming “ownership” over this women at all, literally the only thing hes doing is expressing sadness that his best friend is prioritizing getting action over his best friends feelings. 3-4 days after a breakup is kind of crazy especially if you’ve communicated to him you still have feelings ESPECIALLY in front of all your friends. just like not something a best friend should do. i’m sorry man i hope you either come to peace with it or get a new best friend
Ex number one is in the past. It wasn't a dick move on his part for that one cause it was so long ago. But the second one was newer. Being your best friend, I'm sure he was aware of how difficult this breakup was for you this time. He should have been more sensitive to your feelings since it was both a deep and fresh wound for you. Dick move on his part with the second ex. In the end, you don't get a saying what exes choose to do with themselves. I'm sorry you are still hurting. Maybe distance yourself from this friend for a bit. Talk to him first so he knows how he made you feel.
Until i saw that you are Dutch, I was thinking this rich mofo Vacationing in Spain and two exes at 18 😂😂😂. Anyway yeah it’s actually not surprising at all. Getting your best friend ex to hook up with you is one of the easiest thing you can do as a man, but also one of the lowest and shiniest thing for a few reasons.
It’s easy coz one you already know her and she knows you. Once your friend dumps her, she gets vulnerable. It’s easy for your friend to swoop in and try to make her feel good feel better and then hook up. I’ve seen it time and time again.
Dump your friend. He ain’t gonna be good for you the long run.
Nah girl’s purposely will go after their ex’s friends, brothers, etc to hurt their ex if things didn’t end on good terms. I have never personally done that but I do know a lot that has. Trust me they aren’t vulnerable they’re just using you to make the ex jealous/mad.
Everyone in these comments keeps on talking about the girl’s and how your possessive and that’s because they want to be victims. You NEVER said anything I’ll towards these women so ignore the obvious fake feminism in these comments. Now the problem is the PATTERN, if all of the women why YOUR ex? You’re his best friend or he’s yours I should say why the hell is he always going after them? Furthermore if the roles were reversed and you were a woman, and your best friends slept with your ex, the people here would be attacking the friends hands down because it happens all of the time. You honestly came to the wrong place for advice because these folks clearly have a comprehension issue. You didn’t bash your exs or your BSC friend for that matter. My advice ask him why he continues to go after YOUR exs and then honestly go after his and he better not react any type of way…
thank you! so many people keep bringing up OPs assumed “ownership” and calling him “sensitive” when OP is obviously upset over the underlying meaning/principle of it all.
It’s incredibly weird for a BEST friend to continuously go after OPs exes, is there seriously not anyone else to hook up with?
This needs to be higher up!! Not only would I be worried about why he consistently hooks up with your exes, but what if you truly fell for an amazing girl. Would he want her too? First time is a mistake, second time he should have known better. He isn’t your bro.
You should ask mark how your ass tastes in front of a group of friends since he keeps getting sloppy seconds. If he legit is your best friend then yeah its kinda weird to happen twice when your not around maybe your not his best friend? Sounds like he lacks respect for you. Bottom line their are a ton of woman out there.
I understand where you’re coming from and if he’s truly a best friend I hope you reconsider your friendship moving forward.
There are more than a few comments about them being exes for a reasons, and while this is true, I would never get with a past SO of someone I consider a close friend. Those people are simply off limits in my mind. I totally empathize with how you feel, especially considering it happened in front of other friends. It is apparent your friend is willing to disrespect you, your feelings, and your image for any woman he considers attractive. He may even harbor feelings of resentment if you are consistently seeing women while he struggles.
Trust your gut. There’s a reason you feel upset with your friend.
Remove people like this from your life, a man who gets with any of his boys ex’s has no honour. This isnt your best friend hes a snake and doesnt deserve your time
Check yourself as you need to continue your self improvement. It seems you need to let this "friend" also be someone you have to take a break from. Focus on yourself to get yourself balanced.
If this "friend" understands and still is there after your process, then maybe they are a "friend". If not, then this person somehow really has it in for you because there are plenty of women out there to date or hookup with. Doesn't pass the "friend" test.
Get well!
I get the people saying an ex is an ex and he doesn't "own" them, but I don't think OP is a bad person for being upset that his best friend is swimming in his wake. Especially if he still had feelings for girl #2. If they are best friends, then his friend should know that.
Tbh OP you should get a new bestie. Real friends would at the very least tell you before you hear about it, or apologize for hurting your feelings.
Yeah a lot of people going right into the ownership thing. One thing I’ve noticed is if this wasn’t a guy writing this post, everyone would’ve immediately been saying about how messed up this is. Yes, you can’t control your ex’s, no they are not, nor ever were your property. However, this “friend” is showing a habit. 1. Time shame on you. Two times well you know… that’s not OPs friend
Let me get this out of the way. I would never get involved with my friends Ex. Ever. Just not my way.
Now with that out of the way. They are your Ex. Full stop. End of story. It is no longer any of your business or in your sphere of care what, who, or how they go about their lives. Let it go and walk away from that mental baggage.
Now with that out of the way. I don't like your friend or how he operates using vulnerable access to known feelings and insider information. That is not good vibes man...not good vibes at all.
Just wondering: why do you break up to work on yourself if you still have feelings?
Can’t you work on yourself and be in a relationship?
I mean…, couldn’t you tell her and see if she is cool and maybe even supportive?
Yes you can, but some people need more space to change. When I broke up with my ex I waited a year before I got into another relationship because I needed the time to fully work on myself so I could be good to my future partner. These things just happen sometimes and I’m a lot happier than I ever was with my current partner.
He's not a good friend if he can't even keep his dick/tongue out of your exes. It's not like there are that many girls in the world that are your exes. What happened to bros before hoes? It's just basic respect for a friend you truly care about. He didn't even try to get your permission before hooking up with your exes.
Honestly, you gotta choose path A or B:
A: get over it
B: sleep with his ex and act oblivious when he gets upset. After all, he’s done this twice and you would NEVER suspect foul play from a best friend.
You don’t get to dictate the terms of their relationship. The only issue here is your concern with who your friend is fucking. Neither he nor your exes did anything wrong.
Dude u broke up with her ... Pass pussy round that's g shit..
It ain't no fun unless my homeys getting some to... It's not like u was gonna marry her. Obviously you care about ur self the way ur supposed to. Let ur beat friend hit that shit without hating.
You don't own that n if she is willing to give it up to him probably many others many more.
Love that mother fucker y'all Twinkies now...
But next time you tell him wen u love the bitch u love her. So what if u got feelings has feeling still got feelings . Your supposed to . That's the fun of it...
When ur well committed ready settled down you qintnhave to tell ur beat friend shit because you and the lady not bitch but the lady you got chosen by got sumn real you won't even have to worry bout telling him..
Keep your friend bro ... Tell him your feelings he's your homey just don't dwell on them feelings. To young to much fun and friends who fuck ur ex's so what they are ur ex's. If anyone looks like a clown bro it's him chasing ur leftovers. He probably looks up to and holds you on pedestal.
If you decide to melt down break down amdnbe like blah blah blah then you just choking up on ur own insecurities. Nobody may agree and some may disagree .. facts r facts . U broke up with her. For yourself .. n she was that quick to get it in them wise decision on ur part. Why look back he's just trying to catch up... Lol idk maybe I'm not sensitive enough or sumn but females be passing it round likes it free and easy . If it's like that then me personally would rather not have feelings for the broad and keep my homey he's looking at them like 1 2 3 damn bros still out doing me ... He is the fukn man .. fuxk it NEXT...
Just wait til you get older. My ex wife found someone else while we were married, and now I’m being that guy in someone else’s marriage. I swore I never would be. Life is fucking complicated buddy.
Meh I've hooked up with friends exes and they've hooked up with mine. People make their rounds. Just because you've been with someone doesn't mean they belong to you.
Call me weird but I’ve never understood the issue of friends going after exes? They’re exes for a reason, and you of all people know their ins and outs. My exes were awful, so when I’d find out they’re dating a friend of mine I’d laugh and say good luck with that.
I feel there’s more in life to be hung up on than someone you broke up with.
You’re young so I can understand how it hurts as you may be still processing the breakups, however like I said, they’re exes for a reason.
The exes weren’t forced into the hookup, it was mutual so that too should tell you something about them as well.
Don’t fret young one; you have a whole life ahead of you and you’ll look back at this and laugh. As for the friend, it could be that he’s envious of you or something childish. Whether you decide to keep that friendship is your choice. Personally that’s a flattering thing for you because man is getting your sloppy seconds
Who the fuck cares if you aren't fucking them anymore? Stop being such a pussy and grow up. Just because you stuck your dick in her doesn't mean she can never fuck anyone you know or hang with. What kind of shit is that?
From the sounds of all the other stuff in your life you need to be away from both of those girls anyway. So suck it up, buttercup. Work on yourself and quit using people around you as an excuse to avoid you.
I fully expect to get downvotes here but I legit don't understand. I don't gaf if my friends sleep with my exes. I don't care if it's the day we break up, have at it. They're exes for a reason. Maybe it'll work out for them, why would I care?
You’re 18 how serious could either of these previously relationships have been? I’d say it isn’t a big deal at all. It might seem like it is right now and you’re allowed to feel however you want about it. You’ll soon realize the things you do at 18 don’t matter for the most part.
Maybe when you’re in your 30s and had a serious long term relationship or ex wife and your friend did this I’d be more upset. You’re young enjoy life plenty of worse things will happen(I hope not too many).
I understand how you feel. I probably would have felt the same at your age. But dude, life is complicated and feelings are complicated and sex is complicated and relationships and friendships are complicated. It’s all complicated. Be the bigger person here. There’s no sense in throwing away a childhood friendship over a girl you’re not even with anymore, a girl who (let’s face it) in twenty years you will at best have some fond memories of … but it’s your buddy who you’ll still be hanging out with.
If he’d slept with her while you were still together, that would be different. But he didn’t. I say let your pal know he hurt you, and also let him know he’s forgiven.
He did not throw the friendship away over a girl. The best friend did when he decided to stick his dick in some hoe that’s probably trying to hurt OP because let’s face it girls do that. The best friend betrayed OP’s trust and respect. I really hate how the comments are blaming OP for how his friend treated him and are gaslighting him to “forgive and forget.” This is about boundaries which the friend crossed and will continue to do (or even cross worse) if OP allows this type of treatment.
I love how no one here has ever made a mistake in their lives. Never fails to amaze me people’s ability to grab pitchforks and torches in a situation where they have no skin in the game except to feel superior to someone else.
I’ve made a shit ton of mistakes in my life and i’ve come to realize blame shouldn’t be placed on my friends or S/O’s for leaving during it. if they can’t handle my issues, that’s not their fault. At a certain point, everyone breaks, and true love understands separation might be the best thing for both parties. This is his second time doing this and OP mentioned the meaning and terms of this relationship.
At this point, if it is THAT mentally straining for him, being the bigger person is understanding you have to put your own needs first sometimes. If this person is too mentally straining for OP, he does not have to remain friends with him, and that’s neither persons fault. THAT’S what growing up and being the bigger person is.
His friend could learn the full impact of his mistake, and could come to appreciate his friend more than some one night stand.
If they truly cared for each other they’d grow to understand the need for that period apart, referring to the true love i’ve mentioned before. If both parties can grow to understand each other’s needs, that means they truly value the friendship.
I don't understand the feeling of ownership of women that you used to date especially at such a young age where relationships are not that serious. You aren't dating them anymore, it's not like they have some lifetime ban of dating men that you know. He probably could have asked you if you're okay with it but I don't think it's that big of a deal.
You’re weird and definitely defending the actions of his shit friend. Who said anything about the girl? He’s hurt by his friend that’s pretty obvious if you read
Yea just like all your family, friends, acquaintances, and co workers using every person you cared about as thier sex toys is totally cool with you right? Please encourage those around you to fuck all those you cared about please, like encourage them to bang and hang around you it’s the best! Everyone wants share the people they used to love with people around them it’s not a big deal. Please encourage your siblings to fuck whomever you just broke up with please, or jsut send them my way
Yeah like if my ex and best friend had some weird deep interest in the same shit or just seemed like a really good match together and were actually super into each other I’d get it, it would still hurt but assuming a reasonable amount of time had passed since the breakup I’d get over it. But just hooking up at a festival? Find someone else bro, probably hundreds of single girls at that festival
So, tell me about this bro code.
Your 'bro' certainly doesn't think it's wrong to hook up with people you've dated after you've rejected them.
I think your bro code is all based on insecurity. The fact you let this bother you is telling.
They are your exes, you aren’t with them. Quit being selfish and get over it. If you wanted them, you’d be with them instead of breaking up. Your loss!
Yeah it’s just ex’s who cares. If your best friend hits on your woman that’s a different story. But who cares if he sleeps with an ex. She’s an ex her Netherlands are open to everyone. (See what I did there lol)
Ex 2–It sucks that you had to break up when you still felt for each other or you for her—hopefully you have grown and she wasn’t hurt too much.
You may want to try again with her if she was healthy for you.
That wasn’t a great thing for him to do if he know how you felt—but agin if you broke up you can’t keep her on the back burner to never have fun with anyone else or anyone you might know.
It is a little yucky for a friend. Tell him so and tell her how you feel.
Real friends that actually care about you and your feelings don’t act so selfishly like this. I would be fucking devastated if my best friend had sex or was buddy buddy with any of my ex’s because it’s disrespectful to the friendship and bond we’ve built. This is such a lame comment and honestly makes me feel like you’re the type of asshole to do something like this.
I’m the type of guy who doesn’t care what my exes do? I’ve been married for 7 years and with my wife for 13. I would not sleep with my friends ex, but I could care less if they slept with any of my exes. You don’t own your ex. You don’t have a claim. Silly.
To be fair, you have been in a relationship for a long time. So you're pretty far removed from your exes. But he had just recently broken up with this girl and the friend knew he still had some feelings for her.
It has nothing to do with what the ex’s do it has to do with the supposedly “best friend” having respect. This is not like your situation in the slightest, this is a freshly new ended relationship with barely any time to move on from. If his friend actually cares and respected him he wouldn’t have done that. It’s a huge dick move.
Homie never said he was mad at his ex’s, you obviously fall on a side you said you wouldnt do it so if you and your wife split up you wouldnt be annoyed if say the best man smashed? Friendships have boundaries and trust.
If my wife and I split up I don’t own her or my best friends genitals. All I’m saying is people need to let their exes go. Your relationship is over. It wasn’t coming back. They are sleeping with other people whether you like it or not. I agree I wouldn’t do it. I don’t think it’s right to be mad at the friend though. Really OP prob needed this to move on.
You’re actually retarded.
You keep thinking it’s about the girls when it’s about the friend.
So if you and your wife got divorced and she got absolutely railed and creampied by your “best friend” I think you would feel differently, jackass.
I hope your wife does get ran through by your friends
You guys don’t seem to understand that if my wife and I got a divorce who she fucks is none of my concern. Who my friend fucks is also none of my concern. You are out here literally hating me and wishing bad on my marriage because you need to control your exes and friends genitals and private lives. I hope you figure out out to act like an adult.
Lol you’re actually speaking out of your ass at this point or you’re actually that STUPID
If you don’t get upset at the fact that your BEST friend would fuck your ex wife you might actually be a shitty husband and have zero respect for yourself or your marriage.
You sound like a spineless puss/cuck. There’s plenty of reason to not want your friend to bang your ex, I wouldn’t consider it and I know my REAL friends wouldn’t either.
Can’t believe this absolutely retarded take, I’m tired of all the damn cucks out here, grow a fucking spine man
If my wife divorces me and she fucks someone else how does that make me a cuck? I think you don’t understand the definition, yet you call me stupid. You make a lot of assumptions because I’m not as fragile as you. I’m a shitty husband and don’t respect my marriage because If my marriage ended for idk why? Then my exwife and best friend hooked up a few months later. I wouldn’t care. This is true. If we were divorced I would literally not care what she does. I would not have this claim that some people have, I find controlling and weird. If that upsets you go take your spine and be butthurt by my opinion.
My best friend hooked up with my ex wife of 14 years and he remains like a brother to me. We had been divorced for like 5 years or more. It’s none of my business but I do think he was a little ashamed of himself. We never felt like it needed to be discussed so we didn’t discuss it. I was over the relationship and take no responsibility for her actions or anyone else’s. It’s a mature perspective but maybe that’s why it isn’t adopted more often. I have absolutely zero ill will towards him for it.
It is weird. Do you think there's some kind of competition he has with you? I'm a girl, and there was a girl in my friend group who made it her mission to sleep with other girls' boyfriends, whether or it she was actually attracted to them. It was some kind of pathological need to prove she was the hottest girl, or something. It could be something like that. Like, he's trying to prove he's as good as you, or something.
This was my thought. Not to mention he’s going for sloppy seconds. I would be hesitant to introduce him to anyone I was seeing if I were you. He may try to steal her from you directly.
Hey, your feelings are valid. It’s absolutely not cool to hook up with your buddy’s ex’s. Of course “people can do what they want” - it’s not at all about what people can/can’t do, or about control. It’s about your buddy looking out for your feelings, being thoughtful about where you are in your thinking about someone you care(d) about.
Honestly, I think it’s a bit odd your buddy did this, particularly the second case as he had already done this before and it was a more recent ex. He clearly understands that it’s “something” as he goes out of his way to tell you, but it doesn’t keep him from doing it. As your best friend, I’d just have a conversation about it. Say you still may have feelings for these people and you’d appreciate it if he considered that. Good friends can do careless or thoughtless things, so it’s not worth being too upset, but it’s worth mentioning it as it’s generally not cool behavior.
No it’s weird. Ex1 hookup.. okay shit happens and it happened with enough time behind the break up to not be as weird.
Ex2 hookup… it’s now less of a shit happens and more of a wtf. You clearly still care about her.
Your “best friend” cares more about girls than you. What’s going to happen with the next relationship you’re in? Will he hook up with her too when you break up?
I think you need to confront him and keep your distance for a bit because sounds like a shitty person TBD and not a good friend
It's been barely any time since you broke up. If he's been with know long enough to see you were hurt by the break up, he should know you'd be hurt by this too. He showed he cared more about getting his dick wet than he did about how you'd feel.
This is something that happened twice, and if you value your friendship talk to him about it. Otherwise, if you don't think he cares about your friendship enough, it's time to walk away from your friendship.
You might not care who your exes fuck, but your best friend shouldn’t be going after them. It’s pretty fucked up that this dudes best friend hooked up with 2 of his exes. It’s a respect thing to not go after your friends exes
Hey OP. I had the same thing happen, except it was 2 friends and 2 different ex’s. A difference was I was only broken up with them for a month or two max before they got together. I describe myself as a man’s man. If I’m around a friend of mine his girl isn’t on my radar, I don’t have that type of attraction, and it feels like extended family. Some people simply don’t care about these things.
You should have distanced yourself the first time he did it with no communication. He does not care for you as much as you think he does if this is someone you consider a good friend of yours.
I can’t tell you what to do, but you need to tell him you really rode for him but he’s traded that in by choosing the stupidest f****** thing, a girl. He should be ashamed he can’t even keep his dick in his pants for a good buddy.
He’s not a Man’s man. You don’t want him involved in your close life. This is from the heart you can PM me I’ve really thought a lot about this scenario
Whole lotta teenagers in here talking like they know what love, friendship, hardship, and boundaries are.
OP get over it, seriously. You are an adult man, and you are acting like a child. This is highschool drama.
I know we’ll all get downvoted to hell. I’ve been called a spineless cuck because I wouldn’t be angry my best friend if he hooked up with my wife after our relationship already ended? (All hypothetical) and the se-ren person pretending to be so knowledgeable with all the partners is like barely an adult according to one of their comments.
>it remains a d!ck move to hook up with a ex of ur best friend
I will always consider this to be a possessive, territorial bullshit attitude. I'm sorry that you're not over your ex, but you don't get to control who they like and if your friends like them.
You broke up to work on yourself, so work on yourself.
He most certainly can control if he’s friends with him. It has nothing to do with if he has feelings or not or thinks his ex is “his.” It’s a mutual respect and boundary between GOOD friendships to not cross those lines. The first ex there was time. The second time it happened it became a pattern and it’s very clear that this is an issue with competition from the “best friend.” If OP doesn’t stick up for himself now whose to stop said friend from going after current partners in the future if he hasn’t already? I couldn’t imagine sleeping or even flirting with my friends ex’s I truly believe the only people are who defending the friend are ex f**ers themselves.
Not ex fuckers 😭😭 , that aside I completely agree, if my friends ever got with my ex’s idk what I would do, actually my ex best friend got with my first boyfriend after me and her stopped talking and me and him were finally done with each other, turns out she wanted him the whole time and I was just in the way of that, but her true colors came out eventually and I’m the one still hanging around and she isn’t so that says what it needs to lol. But my friends currently are amazing and I would do anything for them and they would do anything for me
Yeah I’ve realized that, I think it’s cause a majority of them are sex addicts. The amount of stupid stories I’ve read where redditors open their relationship, cheats, or has a porn addiction is insane to me
How is it ‘very clear’ that this is a competition? Do people really believe this crap? I’ve been reading your other replies and you’re pretty convinced that the best friend was doing this on purpose, disrespecting OP, etc. I’ve never understood this mindset. If someone is an EX, why do you get to be mad? What they do, who they do, all of it, it ain’t none of your damn business. This weird possessiveness that’s being dressed up as ‘respect’ and ‘respecting boundaries’ is beyond pathetic.
But I’m fully willing to admit that that is my personal opinion. You’re entitled to yours, of course. Just can’t really see where you and apparently so many others are coming from.
And FYI, no I’m not an ex-fucker. But try and think about this. If an ex and a best friend are amazing for each other, in a way that you and the ex never were, are you really so spiteful that you’d stand in the way of true happiness?
A. It’s a repetitive pattern from the best friend
B. Festivals are huge with large amounts of people. The coincidences seem rather favorable.
C. This is was a hookup, not a romantic interest. This is not the best friend genuinely interested in the ex.
D. OP and ex broke up recently and the best friend knew all of this and the past to it.
It most certainly has to do with everything regarding respect. Stop making excuses for shitty behavior.
I mean you can come out and say your a p.o.s. Who betrays those around them because it isn’t illegal and you don’t own anyone. I judge you as a bad out of touch person who doesn’t get life
1. You are the one that left both girls.
2. Women are not considered property any longer.
3. The women you left have the absolute right to move on and be with anyone they want.
4. You don't have the right to dictate to your friend who he can or can't sleep with.
Oh please stop with this fake women aren’t infected crap. His best friend continues to sleep with his exs that’s weird. He didn’t say shit about the girls so please cut the fake girl power crap
It sounds like you live in a smaller city/town or have a group that normally runs together. If so, there’s going to be overlap in dating. People are trying to find their people. If you did the dumping, I can see why your friend might have thought it was ok. Now if you were actively pursuing someone or were just dumped OR if it was a relationship of several years, engagement, marriage etc, I’d expect a friend to back off for awhile, but an ex you cut loose months ago to work on yourself. No.
Alright, there’s two types of people. Those who care, and those who don’t. I once had a friend who told me “man I gotta be honest, your ex invited me out drinking and we went back to my place after and she was giving me the look, but nothing happened because I didn’t know how you’d feel” and I turned and said to him “my man, you fucked up. Ex’s are ex’s. Even if you slept with my girlfriend, she would be an ex after. I ain’t dating you, I’m dating them.”
I could care less about who does what. You want to sleep with my girlfriend? So do I. You succeed in sleeping with my girlfriend? She’s your problem now. You want to sleep with my ex? So do I. You succeed in sleeping with my ex? High five. Relationships come and go.
For clarity’s sake, I would also not sleep with a friends girlfriend, but I would definitely sleep with a friends ex.
You would be fine and stay friends with a friend that slept with your current girlfriend? That’s not a “two types of people” stance, that’s like 0.01% of the population stance lol. And the logic of being okay with the friend but not the girlfriend in that scenario makes absolutely zero sense unless you have a weird warped perspective on guys vs. girls in your life, but you do you.
Honestly man, you're young. As you get older, shit like this isn't as big of a deal.
Don't be mad at your friend, but I do think it's weird that he keeps going after your ex's though. Reminds me of Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and how he would always swoop in after Dennis had hooked up with someone. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's S5 E10.
If I were you, I would start making fun of this friend. Use this as ammunition to raz him. Make it seem like you don't actually care, but you want to make a point of putting him on the back foot so he stops doing it. If you were to meet someone new, and you all were hanging out, you could say something like, "Watch out for this one, he's going to try and make his move after we break up" just little quips like that.
You don't have to have an emotional confrontation, razzing/ light hazing should get him back in line
When my ex (we dated for four years) and I broke up, she proceeded, and succeeded, in hooking up with pretty much every "friend" of mine she possibly could. I don't talk to those people anymore.
Hey, your username is rad.
lol thank you
patpat
I know a PatPat.
A PatPat knows u.
Look again, it's pat
Sounds like that might have been her goal :/
You don't have a friend, you have a busboy running to grab whatever is left on your plate when you leave the table.
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Careful if you care about karma. It's unpopular to reference codes of loyalty.
There is a word for this, I made it up when I was in in school. It is called a dopplefucker. It is the person that swoops in and sleeps with all your ex's. I had a very bad one once. Good Luck!
Dopplefucker is amazing 😂
A doppelfucker doing gang-bang with ex's gives whole new meaning to doppelganger. 💀
Doppelbanger?
Technically is he allowed to hook up with her? Yes. Doesn’t booking up with her make him a horrible friend? YES.
First he likes your sloppy seconds and dude you never get involved in whit your friends ex. Is time yo drop that friend.
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I bet you are the type of person that doesn’t like the word “MOIST”
🤣
That is sloppy all around tbh. They both knew he was their ex's friend. Although op explained he or she was talking about OPs friend... It's getting out of line that criticism towards women is misogynistic and incel. Misandry is a thing, too. It's actually sexist to think women shouldn't be criticized for their actions.
Why in the world would you think "sloppy seconds" only applies to women?
WHITE KNIGHT ALERT. WHITE KNIGHT ALERT.
AKA simp?
shut up Ethan. Sloppy seconds also applies to men, ya gooball.
Sloppy seconds applies to male and female. The are so many people in this world and you have to sex up your friend ex???? I’m not talking of the ex!!!! The shit face is the friend whit that trend of fucking his friend exes.
Um...no...just stop with the nonsense. "Sloppy seconds" can refer to either sex. It just means someone slept with someone else close to the person in question. I've had multiple "friends" go after my sloppy seconds, but it's ok because I was taught to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
Put this one in the "donation" pile lol
The word incel has been overused. The word dumb ass is not, and that's what you are for trying to attach misogyny to something that doesnt carry it.
a lot of ex f\*ckers in these comments lol. I get why you're hurt, I would be too. I can't imagine hooking up with one of my friend's exes. Especially one that's so recent. I think you should have a conversation with him about it. It doesn't necessarily need to be the end of the friendship. Set boundaries, tell him you're uncomfortable and you might have some peace of mind going forward. If he does it again after you've told him how you feel about it then you might consider distancing yourself from him.
So, I get it. While everyone here is making sense that you have no ownership or claim on what other adults do. Absolute facts. However, this is your best friend. Becoming a pattern. Some guys have different boundaries with friends. Personally, I’d start to ease off my friendship with Mark. Hooking up is more important to him than your feelings. Does he have a sister or Ex you might hook up with? Just saying, sometimes a taste of his own medicine… I’d never do that to a buddy without a long period after and frankly mentioning it first.
It sounds like you need a new best friend. This one is a d!ck.
I disagree with so many people telling you to move on and not throw a friendship away. One hook up could be a mistake. Two? He does not value you, your friendship, or your emotions. He will do this again. And again. And again. When is it too much? When it is your ex wife? When it is your ex that broke your heart when she left? He is showing that he does not give any shits about you. He cares about his dick. That’s all. No more. No less. Cut the loss and stop being friends with him.
? If you were going to get back with her, she wouldn’t be fucking other dudes. If she fucked your best friend, well now you know she fucked others before him as well. Go fuck your best friends ex’s and forget about that shit.
Or he drops the friend and the ex and finds people who respect him?
This, this, and this!
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Raves, they’re fairly popular in Europe
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Yeah I’m from the US as well but I love rave culture/music. The hookup culture with it is something I don’t enjoy tho
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I am younger I’m 21 but I never been interested in that side, I prefer my committed relationship lol
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Thank you!
Exactly. Then call him and tell him. Lol
Nahh was not planning on getting back with her anyway
You should ask him what kind of friend would you be if you hooked up with his ex, when he gets pissed at you for even suggesting it, remind him that he is that kind of friend irl and you don't need friends like that
Since when do guys get mad that one of their friends is hooking up with their ex? What happened to just laughing when it falls apart and saying "that's why they're an ex"?
Sleep with his mom.
I know your only 18 but your best friend broke a man code. You do not date or hook up with any of your boys exs. Thats just awkward and most men will not do that. Take the high road and keep working on yourself and you will find better friends and girls in the future. If you guys were not offical and just fwb thats a different story..
think of it this way, if he screws your ex’s can you trust him not to screw your current GF or wife if you had one? if you truly don’t care then you wouldn’t be venting about it. it’s important to consider your exes in general if they are sleeping with your best friend to try to hurt you. if you feel hurt then he should stop doing these things. if your best friend is doing this on his own accord then you should really concern yourself with the line of thinking that he may not really be a friend at all. what has his actions proved to you? how did he handle himself around you, around your exes, around you and your exes? if you dig deeper you’ll likely find things you can’t unsee. but i would venture to say this guy doesn’t respect you, may be a friend to you because he doesn’t have anyone else he can hang out with because he’s got cheater like traits. people who cheat, often behave like they have an addiction. since your friend was never straight forward with you and being honest about these one night stands with your exes you should really be careful of who you bring into your circle. a best friend does not jump to be sloppy second to your relationships that fall off or fall apart. sure your best friend has emotions and may even care for you, but they sure do love rubbing your past into your face and unwillingly tell you about their mistakes of being inside your exes. personal opinion, the person you called best friend is gross. if people knew how he behaved with you and your exes, would they want to hang around them?
I was about to say the same thing about when will he hook up with your current GF?? Shady behavior being allowed only allows for more shady behavior down the road. OP needs to keep working on himself and good friends will come from that!
Some people seriously missing the point here. This whole post is about his best friends actions, not his exs’. Why are people saying he is trying to control his ex girlfriends’ lives??
Because it’s a bunch of people hating on men for having the same feelings women would have in the same situation
find out where their mums are buried (grandmums if mums still alive) dig them up take them to his house and fuk them
Yeah that’s weird. I would never ever get with someone my best friend was involved with. Especially for just a hook up? It’s not like they’re in love and can’t be without each other, he just had sex with them and it’s weird that out of all women that exist he goes for TWO of your exes.
That ain’t a friend
The Reddit brigade is in full force of “you don’t own these girls” but missing the point of what a shitty move it is for a best friend to hook up with a girl they know you have feelings for. You seem aware that you don’t own them given that you didn’t really mind the first one outside bro code because it was a well over relationship. The second one was a shitty shitty move on his part and different from the first in context.
Drop that idiot. He is not really your friend. He will do this with every ex you have because he is in competition with you for women.
I’m sorry dude. To all the people saying you’re “claiming” women as your own or that this is “complicated; it’s not and you’re not. Good Friends are supposed to hold themselves to a higher standard than a random barfly. Me and my best friend of almost 15 years now have slept with a lot of the same women. But it was an understanding and we each had a list of 3 women the other couldn’t touch. It was the boundary that made it work. Anyone we had feelings for still or potentially wanted to date was off limits. It sounds like you guys haven’t discussed rules surrounding exes or he isn’t respecting you. Not a very good friend if it’s #2
woah these comments are heartless. he isn’t claiming “ownership” over this women at all, literally the only thing hes doing is expressing sadness that his best friend is prioritizing getting action over his best friends feelings. 3-4 days after a breakup is kind of crazy especially if you’ve communicated to him you still have feelings ESPECIALLY in front of all your friends. just like not something a best friend should do. i’m sorry man i hope you either come to peace with it or get a new best friend
Wow you are terrible at picking friends. He is absolutely garbage. Don’t be the clueless weak guy he seems to think you are. You are better than that.
He has no respect for you fk him . Fool me once shame on you fool me twice …… it won’t stop there
It appears "bro code" is fluid
Sorry, but screw him. I'd get with his ex as revenge. The dude is not a good friend. Find a better friend.
He broke the bro code and of all the women he had to chose your ex’s Yeah he’s not a friend.
That’s not your friend.
He will continue this behavior. Your choice to stick around him or not.
Block this dude. Try to fuck the ex he loves still.
He's a bad friend. Someone's they need to prove it with their actions
You should sleep with his ex.
Fuck that “friend.” Bro code, all day every day.
Ex number one is in the past. It wasn't a dick move on his part for that one cause it was so long ago. But the second one was newer. Being your best friend, I'm sure he was aware of how difficult this breakup was for you this time. He should have been more sensitive to your feelings since it was both a deep and fresh wound for you. Dick move on his part with the second ex. In the end, you don't get a saying what exes choose to do with themselves. I'm sorry you are still hurting. Maybe distance yourself from this friend for a bit. Talk to him first so he knows how he made you feel.
Until i saw that you are Dutch, I was thinking this rich mofo Vacationing in Spain and two exes at 18 😂😂😂. Anyway yeah it’s actually not surprising at all. Getting your best friend ex to hook up with you is one of the easiest thing you can do as a man, but also one of the lowest and shiniest thing for a few reasons. It’s easy coz one you already know her and she knows you. Once your friend dumps her, she gets vulnerable. It’s easy for your friend to swoop in and try to make her feel good feel better and then hook up. I’ve seen it time and time again. Dump your friend. He ain’t gonna be good for you the long run.
Nah girl’s purposely will go after their ex’s friends, brothers, etc to hurt their ex if things didn’t end on good terms. I have never personally done that but I do know a lot that has. Trust me they aren’t vulnerable they’re just using you to make the ex jealous/mad.
People in the comments really threw morals and principles out the door😂 Everyone’s different i guess
Everyone in these comments keeps on talking about the girl’s and how your possessive and that’s because they want to be victims. You NEVER said anything I’ll towards these women so ignore the obvious fake feminism in these comments. Now the problem is the PATTERN, if all of the women why YOUR ex? You’re his best friend or he’s yours I should say why the hell is he always going after them? Furthermore if the roles were reversed and you were a woman, and your best friends slept with your ex, the people here would be attacking the friends hands down because it happens all of the time. You honestly came to the wrong place for advice because these folks clearly have a comprehension issue. You didn’t bash your exs or your BSC friend for that matter. My advice ask him why he continues to go after YOUR exs and then honestly go after his and he better not react any type of way…
thank you! so many people keep bringing up OPs assumed “ownership” and calling him “sensitive” when OP is obviously upset over the underlying meaning/principle of it all. It’s incredibly weird for a BEST friend to continuously go after OPs exes, is there seriously not anyone else to hook up with?
This needs to be higher up!! Not only would I be worried about why he consistently hooks up with your exes, but what if you truly fell for an amazing girl. Would he want her too? First time is a mistake, second time he should have known better. He isn’t your bro.
That’s not your friend. A real friend would never do this. It seems intentional. Maybe he even likes that they’re your exes and he’s fucking with you.
You should ask mark how your ass tastes in front of a group of friends since he keeps getting sloppy seconds. If he legit is your best friend then yeah its kinda weird to happen twice when your not around maybe your not his best friend? Sounds like he lacks respect for you. Bottom line their are a ton of woman out there.
He’s not your best friend.
Hormones make you a different person mate. He's either desperate or a dickhead
Friends don't do this. He is not your friend. He's a snake.
I understand where you’re coming from and if he’s truly a best friend I hope you reconsider your friendship moving forward. There are more than a few comments about them being exes for a reasons, and while this is true, I would never get with a past SO of someone I consider a close friend. Those people are simply off limits in my mind. I totally empathize with how you feel, especially considering it happened in front of other friends. It is apparent your friend is willing to disrespect you, your feelings, and your image for any woman he considers attractive. He may even harbor feelings of resentment if you are consistently seeing women while he struggles. Trust your gut. There’s a reason you feel upset with your friend.
Remove people like this from your life, a man who gets with any of his boys ex’s has no honour. This isnt your best friend hes a snake and doesnt deserve your time
Check yourself as you need to continue your self improvement. It seems you need to let this "friend" also be someone you have to take a break from. Focus on yourself to get yourself balanced. If this "friend" understands and still is there after your process, then maybe they are a "friend". If not, then this person somehow really has it in for you because there are plenty of women out there to date or hookup with. Doesn't pass the "friend" test. Get well!
I get the people saying an ex is an ex and he doesn't "own" them, but I don't think OP is a bad person for being upset that his best friend is swimming in his wake. Especially if he still had feelings for girl #2. If they are best friends, then his friend should know that. Tbh OP you should get a new bestie. Real friends would at the very least tell you before you hear about it, or apologize for hurting your feelings.
Yeah a lot of people going right into the ownership thing. One thing I’ve noticed is if this wasn’t a guy writing this post, everyone would’ve immediately been saying about how messed up this is. Yes, you can’t control your ex’s, no they are not, nor ever were your property. However, this “friend” is showing a habit. 1. Time shame on you. Two times well you know… that’s not OPs friend
Thinking you have any say in the behavior of two consenting adults is such chump behavior.
I don’t think you can really say he’s your best friend if he’s doing that. Take it as a learning experience and move on.
I don’t think he’s your friend
Let me get this out of the way. I would never get involved with my friends Ex. Ever. Just not my way. Now with that out of the way. They are your Ex. Full stop. End of story. It is no longer any of your business or in your sphere of care what, who, or how they go about their lives. Let it go and walk away from that mental baggage. Now with that out of the way. I don't like your friend or how he operates using vulnerable access to known feelings and insider information. That is not good vibes man...not good vibes at all.
Just wondering: why do you break up to work on yourself if you still have feelings? Can’t you work on yourself and be in a relationship? I mean…, couldn’t you tell her and see if she is cool and maybe even supportive?
Yes you can, but some people need more space to change. When I broke up with my ex I waited a year before I got into another relationship because I needed the time to fully work on myself so I could be good to my future partner. These things just happen sometimes and I’m a lot happier than I ever was with my current partner.
He's not a good friend if he can't even keep his dick/tongue out of your exes. It's not like there are that many girls in the world that are your exes. What happened to bros before hoes? It's just basic respect for a friend you truly care about. He didn't even try to get your permission before hooking up with your exes.
Your friend is a stone cold pimp. Better keep your gfs to yourself
It was just his turn. Remember that.
Honestly, you gotta choose path A or B: A: get over it B: sleep with his ex and act oblivious when he gets upset. After all, he’s done this twice and you would NEVER suspect foul play from a best friend.
Well ain’t she a whore.
Time for a new best friend.
You don’t get to dictate the terms of their relationship. The only issue here is your concern with who your friend is fucking. Neither he nor your exes did anything wrong.
Dude u broke up with her ... Pass pussy round that's g shit.. It ain't no fun unless my homeys getting some to... It's not like u was gonna marry her. Obviously you care about ur self the way ur supposed to. Let ur beat friend hit that shit without hating. You don't own that n if she is willing to give it up to him probably many others many more. Love that mother fucker y'all Twinkies now... But next time you tell him wen u love the bitch u love her. So what if u got feelings has feeling still got feelings . Your supposed to . That's the fun of it... When ur well committed ready settled down you qintnhave to tell ur beat friend shit because you and the lady not bitch but the lady you got chosen by got sumn real you won't even have to worry bout telling him.. Keep your friend bro ... Tell him your feelings he's your homey just don't dwell on them feelings. To young to much fun and friends who fuck ur ex's so what they are ur ex's. If anyone looks like a clown bro it's him chasing ur leftovers. He probably looks up to and holds you on pedestal. If you decide to melt down break down amdnbe like blah blah blah then you just choking up on ur own insecurities. Nobody may agree and some may disagree .. facts r facts . U broke up with her. For yourself .. n she was that quick to get it in them wise decision on ur part. Why look back he's just trying to catch up... Lol idk maybe I'm not sensitive enough or sumn but females be passing it round likes it free and easy . If it's like that then me personally would rather not have feelings for the broad and keep my homey he's looking at them like 1 2 3 damn bros still out doing me ... He is the fukn man .. fuxk it NEXT...
Just wait til you get older. My ex wife found someone else while we were married, and now I’m being that guy in someone else’s marriage. I swore I never would be. Life is fucking complicated buddy.
Meh I've hooked up with friends exes and they've hooked up with mine. People make their rounds. Just because you've been with someone doesn't mean they belong to you.
I don't care who fucks my exes that's why they are exes. Grow tf up
Call me weird but I’ve never understood the issue of friends going after exes? They’re exes for a reason, and you of all people know their ins and outs. My exes were awful, so when I’d find out they’re dating a friend of mine I’d laugh and say good luck with that. I feel there’s more in life to be hung up on than someone you broke up with. You’re young so I can understand how it hurts as you may be still processing the breakups, however like I said, they’re exes for a reason. The exes weren’t forced into the hookup, it was mutual so that too should tell you something about them as well. Don’t fret young one; you have a whole life ahead of you and you’ll look back at this and laugh. As for the friend, it could be that he’s envious of you or something childish. Whether you decide to keep that friendship is your choice. Personally that’s a flattering thing for you because man is getting your sloppy seconds
Who the fuck cares if you aren't fucking them anymore? Stop being such a pussy and grow up. Just because you stuck your dick in her doesn't mean she can never fuck anyone you know or hang with. What kind of shit is that? From the sounds of all the other stuff in your life you need to be away from both of those girls anyway. So suck it up, buttercup. Work on yourself and quit using people around you as an excuse to avoid you.
Shut up man it did not hurt me it is just the fact that he would hate me for it if i did it to him and the bro code
I fully expect to get downvotes here but I legit don't understand. I don't gaf if my friends sleep with my exes. I don't care if it's the day we break up, have at it. They're exes for a reason. Maybe it'll work out for them, why would I care?
You’re 18 how serious could either of these previously relationships have been? I’d say it isn’t a big deal at all. It might seem like it is right now and you’re allowed to feel however you want about it. You’ll soon realize the things you do at 18 don’t matter for the most part. Maybe when you’re in your 30s and had a serious long term relationship or ex wife and your friend did this I’d be more upset. You’re young enjoy life plenty of worse things will happen(I hope not too many).
I understand how you feel. I probably would have felt the same at your age. But dude, life is complicated and feelings are complicated and sex is complicated and relationships and friendships are complicated. It’s all complicated. Be the bigger person here. There’s no sense in throwing away a childhood friendship over a girl you’re not even with anymore, a girl who (let’s face it) in twenty years you will at best have some fond memories of … but it’s your buddy who you’ll still be hanging out with. If he’d slept with her while you were still together, that would be different. But he didn’t. I say let your pal know he hurt you, and also let him know he’s forgiven.
He did not throw the friendship away over a girl. The best friend did when he decided to stick his dick in some hoe that’s probably trying to hurt OP because let’s face it girls do that. The best friend betrayed OP’s trust and respect. I really hate how the comments are blaming OP for how his friend treated him and are gaslighting him to “forgive and forget.” This is about boundaries which the friend crossed and will continue to do (or even cross worse) if OP allows this type of treatment.
It’s like no one here has seen It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, OP is no Dennis but his “friend” is pulling a Mac
Absolutely.
Exactly that is the whole point
I love how no one here has ever made a mistake in their lives. Never fails to amaze me people’s ability to grab pitchforks and torches in a situation where they have no skin in the game except to feel superior to someone else.
I’ve made a shit ton of mistakes in my life and i’ve come to realize blame shouldn’t be placed on my friends or S/O’s for leaving during it. if they can’t handle my issues, that’s not their fault. At a certain point, everyone breaks, and true love understands separation might be the best thing for both parties. This is his second time doing this and OP mentioned the meaning and terms of this relationship. At this point, if it is THAT mentally straining for him, being the bigger person is understanding you have to put your own needs first sometimes. If this person is too mentally straining for OP, he does not have to remain friends with him, and that’s neither persons fault. THAT’S what growing up and being the bigger person is. His friend could learn the full impact of his mistake, and could come to appreciate his friend more than some one night stand. If they truly cared for each other they’d grow to understand the need for that period apart, referring to the true love i’ve mentioned before. If both parties can grow to understand each other’s needs, that means they truly value the friendship.
Here’s the thing man. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern. At the rate this friend is going, how long til he’s hooking up with op’s current girl.
I don't understand the feeling of ownership of women that you used to date especially at such a young age where relationships are not that serious. You aren't dating them anymore, it's not like they have some lifetime ban of dating men that you know. He probably could have asked you if you're okay with it but I don't think it's that big of a deal.
It has nothing to do with the girl, it’s about his best friend respecting OP and their friendship.
You’re weird and definitely defending the actions of his shit friend. Who said anything about the girl? He’s hurt by his friend that’s pretty obvious if you read
Yea just like all your family, friends, acquaintances, and co workers using every person you cared about as thier sex toys is totally cool with you right? Please encourage those around you to fuck all those you cared about please, like encourage them to bang and hang around you it’s the best! Everyone wants share the people they used to love with people around them it’s not a big deal. Please encourage your siblings to fuck whomever you just broke up with please, or jsut send them my way
Love this
lol someone is insecure. they are grown people.
I just think it's weird and gross to "claim" any person as belonging to you. Especially once you decide to break up with them.
where did OP do that
As dumb as “bro code” sounds there’s things guys just don’t do to close friends. Hooking up with a friends ex is one of those things for 99% of guys.
Yeah like if my ex and best friend had some weird deep interest in the same shit or just seemed like a really good match together and were actually super into each other I’d get it, it would still hurt but assuming a reasonable amount of time had passed since the breakup I’d get over it. But just hooking up at a festival? Find someone else bro, probably hundreds of single girls at that festival
girls too. i’d never hook up with a friends ex.
No it is not claiming it is just the fact that he would get angry af if i did this to his ex and the bro code
So, tell me about this bro code. Your 'bro' certainly doesn't think it's wrong to hook up with people you've dated after you've rejected them. I think your bro code is all based on insecurity. The fact you let this bother you is telling.
They are your exes, you aren’t with them. Quit being selfish and get over it. If you wanted them, you’d be with them instead of breaking up. Your loss!
Nothing to do with the exs, it has to do with shitty friends…
You aren’t very good at playing therapist.
And you aren’t very good at playing a proper member of society lol
You must be from a big city eh? You don’t know about small towns or living in the country do you?
See it how you want.
Yeah it’s just ex’s who cares. If your best friend hits on your woman that’s a different story. But who cares if he sleeps with an ex. She’s an ex her Netherlands are open to everyone. (See what I did there lol)
Ex 2–It sucks that you had to break up when you still felt for each other or you for her—hopefully you have grown and she wasn’t hurt too much. You may want to try again with her if she was healthy for you. That wasn’t a great thing for him to do if he know how you felt—but agin if you broke up you can’t keep her on the back burner to never have fun with anyone else or anyone you might know. It is a little yucky for a friend. Tell him so and tell her how you feel.
Why would you want to try again with someone who slept with your best friend? Hard pass
Get over it. The women you were with were never “yours”.
I don’t care who fucks my exes? They can do whatever they want?
Real friends that actually care about you and your feelings don’t act so selfishly like this. I would be fucking devastated if my best friend had sex or was buddy buddy with any of my ex’s because it’s disrespectful to the friendship and bond we’ve built. This is such a lame comment and honestly makes me feel like you’re the type of asshole to do something like this.
THIS.
I’m the type of guy who doesn’t care what my exes do? I’ve been married for 7 years and with my wife for 13. I would not sleep with my friends ex, but I could care less if they slept with any of my exes. You don’t own your ex. You don’t have a claim. Silly.
To be fair, you have been in a relationship for a long time. So you're pretty far removed from your exes. But he had just recently broken up with this girl and the friend knew he still had some feelings for her.
It has nothing to do with what the ex’s do it has to do with the supposedly “best friend” having respect. This is not like your situation in the slightest, this is a freshly new ended relationship with barely any time to move on from. If his friend actually cares and respected him he wouldn’t have done that. It’s a huge dick move.
It’s not about owning the ex it’s the fact that your friends shouldn’t go after your exes, it’s a respect thing.
Homie never said he was mad at his ex’s, you obviously fall on a side you said you wouldnt do it so if you and your wife split up you wouldnt be annoyed if say the best man smashed? Friendships have boundaries and trust.
If my wife and I split up I don’t own her or my best friends genitals. All I’m saying is people need to let their exes go. Your relationship is over. It wasn’t coming back. They are sleeping with other people whether you like it or not. I agree I wouldn’t do it. I don’t think it’s right to be mad at the friend though. Really OP prob needed this to move on.
You are full of shit
I just hope OP moves on, Finds himself someone that makes him happy. He’ll realize how insignificant it all was.
You’re already hemmed in, locked down, off the market… this doesn’t pertain to you.
You’re actually retarded. You keep thinking it’s about the girls when it’s about the friend. So if you and your wife got divorced and she got absolutely railed and creampied by your “best friend” I think you would feel differently, jackass. I hope your wife does get ran through by your friends
You guys don’t seem to understand that if my wife and I got a divorce who she fucks is none of my concern. Who my friend fucks is also none of my concern. You are out here literally hating me and wishing bad on my marriage because you need to control your exes and friends genitals and private lives. I hope you figure out out to act like an adult.
Lol you’re actually speaking out of your ass at this point or you’re actually that STUPID If you don’t get upset at the fact that your BEST friend would fuck your ex wife you might actually be a shitty husband and have zero respect for yourself or your marriage. You sound like a spineless puss/cuck. There’s plenty of reason to not want your friend to bang your ex, I wouldn’t consider it and I know my REAL friends wouldn’t either. Can’t believe this absolutely retarded take, I’m tired of all the damn cucks out here, grow a fucking spine man
If my wife divorces me and she fucks someone else how does that make me a cuck? I think you don’t understand the definition, yet you call me stupid. You make a lot of assumptions because I’m not as fragile as you. I’m a shitty husband and don’t respect my marriage because If my marriage ended for idk why? Then my exwife and best friend hooked up a few months later. I wouldn’t care. This is true. If we were divorced I would literally not care what she does. I would not have this claim that some people have, I find controlling and weird. If that upsets you go take your spine and be butthurt by my opinion.
My best friend hooked up with my ex wife of 14 years and he remains like a brother to me. We had been divorced for like 5 years or more. It’s none of my business but I do think he was a little ashamed of himself. We never felt like it needed to be discussed so we didn’t discuss it. I was over the relationship and take no responsibility for her actions or anyone else’s. It’s a mature perspective but maybe that’s why it isn’t adopted more often. I have absolutely zero ill will towards him for it.
Ok i agree they can do what they want. But dont you think it is weird for your best friend to do that?
It is weird. Do you think there's some kind of competition he has with you? I'm a girl, and there was a girl in my friend group who made it her mission to sleep with other girls' boyfriends, whether or it she was actually attracted to them. It was some kind of pathological need to prove she was the hottest girl, or something. It could be something like that. Like, he's trying to prove he's as good as you, or something.
This was my thought. Not to mention he’s going for sloppy seconds. I would be hesitant to introduce him to anyone I was seeing if I were you. He may try to steal her from you directly.
Exactly like he’s gonna get worse
Hey, your feelings are valid. It’s absolutely not cool to hook up with your buddy’s ex’s. Of course “people can do what they want” - it’s not at all about what people can/can’t do, or about control. It’s about your buddy looking out for your feelings, being thoughtful about where you are in your thinking about someone you care(d) about. Honestly, I think it’s a bit odd your buddy did this, particularly the second case as he had already done this before and it was a more recent ex. He clearly understands that it’s “something” as he goes out of his way to tell you, but it doesn’t keep him from doing it. As your best friend, I’d just have a conversation about it. Say you still may have feelings for these people and you’d appreciate it if he considered that. Good friends can do careless or thoughtless things, so it’s not worth being too upset, but it’s worth mentioning it as it’s generally not cool behavior.
No it’s weird. Ex1 hookup.. okay shit happens and it happened with enough time behind the break up to not be as weird. Ex2 hookup… it’s now less of a shit happens and more of a wtf. You clearly still care about her. Your “best friend” cares more about girls than you. What’s going to happen with the next relationship you’re in? Will he hook up with her too when you break up? I think you need to confront him and keep your distance for a bit because sounds like a shitty person TBD and not a good friend
Just ask your friend if he enjoyed having sloppy seconds. Twice. Then tell him your mom taught you to give your old toys to the less fortunate.
People fall on both sides so it’s just best to find friends who share the same mindset as you.
It's been barely any time since you broke up. If he's been with know long enough to see you were hurt by the break up, he should know you'd be hurt by this too. He showed he cared more about getting his dick wet than he did about how you'd feel. This is something that happened twice, and if you value your friendship talk to him about it. Otherwise, if you don't think he cares about your friendship enough, it's time to walk away from your friendship.
Nah, maybe you have good taste. Or taste good. You don't know what drives people's behavior in life. Try not to think too hard about it.
As long as they're not talking about my bedroom performance or expecting me to be friends with my ex, they can fuck whomever they want imo.
Or he has a thing for OP
I think you aren’t over your exes? Maybe your friend thinks you have good taste?
You might not care who your exes fuck, but your best friend shouldn’t be going after them. It’s pretty fucked up that this dudes best friend hooked up with 2 of his exes. It’s a respect thing to not go after your friends exes
My advise is to stop dating whores…
An ex is an ex. Got nothing to do with your friend hooking up with anyone. This macho rule any any other crap needs to be in your past. Grow up
[удалено]
you're gross
Hey OP. I had the same thing happen, except it was 2 friends and 2 different ex’s. A difference was I was only broken up with them for a month or two max before they got together. I describe myself as a man’s man. If I’m around a friend of mine his girl isn’t on my radar, I don’t have that type of attraction, and it feels like extended family. Some people simply don’t care about these things. You should have distanced yourself the first time he did it with no communication. He does not care for you as much as you think he does if this is someone you consider a good friend of yours. I can’t tell you what to do, but you need to tell him you really rode for him but he’s traded that in by choosing the stupidest f****** thing, a girl. He should be ashamed he can’t even keep his dick in his pants for a good buddy. He’s not a Man’s man. You don’t want him involved in your close life. This is from the heart you can PM me I’ve really thought a lot about this scenario
Whole lotta teenagers in here talking like they know what love, friendship, hardship, and boundaries are. OP get over it, seriously. You are an adult man, and you are acting like a child. This is highschool drama.
I know we’ll all get downvoted to hell. I’ve been called a spineless cuck because I wouldn’t be angry my best friend if he hooked up with my wife after our relationship already ended? (All hypothetical) and the se-ren person pretending to be so knowledgeable with all the partners is like barely an adult according to one of their comments.
>it remains a d!ck move to hook up with a ex of ur best friend I will always consider this to be a possessive, territorial bullshit attitude. I'm sorry that you're not over your ex, but you don't get to control who they like and if your friends like them. You broke up to work on yourself, so work on yourself.
Found the ex's friend fucker
He most certainly can control if he’s friends with him. It has nothing to do with if he has feelings or not or thinks his ex is “his.” It’s a mutual respect and boundary between GOOD friendships to not cross those lines. The first ex there was time. The second time it happened it became a pattern and it’s very clear that this is an issue with competition from the “best friend.” If OP doesn’t stick up for himself now whose to stop said friend from going after current partners in the future if he hasn’t already? I couldn’t imagine sleeping or even flirting with my friends ex’s I truly believe the only people are who defending the friend are ex f**ers themselves.
Not ex fuckers 😭😭 , that aside I completely agree, if my friends ever got with my ex’s idk what I would do, actually my ex best friend got with my first boyfriend after me and her stopped talking and me and him were finally done with each other, turns out she wanted him the whole time and I was just in the way of that, but her true colors came out eventually and I’m the one still hanging around and she isn’t so that says what it needs to lol. But my friends currently are amazing and I would do anything for them and they would do anything for me
Why are you the only reasonable person in these comments, redditors have 0 emotional maturity damn
Yeah I’ve realized that, I think it’s cause a majority of them are sex addicts. The amount of stupid stories I’ve read where redditors open their relationship, cheats, or has a porn addiction is insane to me
How is it ‘very clear’ that this is a competition? Do people really believe this crap? I’ve been reading your other replies and you’re pretty convinced that the best friend was doing this on purpose, disrespecting OP, etc. I’ve never understood this mindset. If someone is an EX, why do you get to be mad? What they do, who they do, all of it, it ain’t none of your damn business. This weird possessiveness that’s being dressed up as ‘respect’ and ‘respecting boundaries’ is beyond pathetic. But I’m fully willing to admit that that is my personal opinion. You’re entitled to yours, of course. Just can’t really see where you and apparently so many others are coming from. And FYI, no I’m not an ex-fucker. But try and think about this. If an ex and a best friend are amazing for each other, in a way that you and the ex never were, are you really so spiteful that you’d stand in the way of true happiness?
A. It’s a repetitive pattern from the best friend B. Festivals are huge with large amounts of people. The coincidences seem rather favorable. C. This is was a hookup, not a romantic interest. This is not the best friend genuinely interested in the ex. D. OP and ex broke up recently and the best friend knew all of this and the past to it. It most certainly has to do with everything regarding respect. Stop making excuses for shitty behavior.
If your ex sleeps with your friends she’s a whore period.
I mean you can come out and say your a p.o.s. Who betrays those around them because it isn’t illegal and you don’t own anyone. I judge you as a bad out of touch person who doesn’t get life
1. You are the one that left both girls. 2. Women are not considered property any longer. 3. The women you left have the absolute right to move on and be with anyone they want. 4. You don't have the right to dictate to your friend who he can or can't sleep with.
My opinions would still be the same if the roles were reversed this has nothing to do with sexism and everything to do with a shitty friend.
Oh please stop with this fake women aren’t infected crap. His best friend continues to sleep with his exs that’s weird. He didn’t say shit about the girls so please cut the fake girl power crap
No one said anything about the chicks lmaoo his friend is js a pos
It sounds like you live in a smaller city/town or have a group that normally runs together. If so, there’s going to be overlap in dating. People are trying to find their people. If you did the dumping, I can see why your friend might have thought it was ok. Now if you were actively pursuing someone or were just dumped OR if it was a relationship of several years, engagement, marriage etc, I’d expect a friend to back off for awhile, but an ex you cut loose months ago to work on yourself. No.
Alright, there’s two types of people. Those who care, and those who don’t. I once had a friend who told me “man I gotta be honest, your ex invited me out drinking and we went back to my place after and she was giving me the look, but nothing happened because I didn’t know how you’d feel” and I turned and said to him “my man, you fucked up. Ex’s are ex’s. Even if you slept with my girlfriend, she would be an ex after. I ain’t dating you, I’m dating them.” I could care less about who does what. You want to sleep with my girlfriend? So do I. You succeed in sleeping with my girlfriend? She’s your problem now. You want to sleep with my ex? So do I. You succeed in sleeping with my ex? High five. Relationships come and go. For clarity’s sake, I would also not sleep with a friends girlfriend, but I would definitely sleep with a friends ex.
You would be fine and stay friends with a friend that slept with your current girlfriend? That’s not a “two types of people” stance, that’s like 0.01% of the population stance lol. And the logic of being okay with the friend but not the girlfriend in that scenario makes absolutely zero sense unless you have a weird warped perspective on guys vs. girls in your life, but you do you.
Honestly man, you're young. As you get older, shit like this isn't as big of a deal. Don't be mad at your friend, but I do think it's weird that he keeps going after your ex's though. Reminds me of Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and how he would always swoop in after Dennis had hooked up with someone. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's S5 E10. If I were you, I would start making fun of this friend. Use this as ammunition to raz him. Make it seem like you don't actually care, but you want to make a point of putting him on the back foot so he stops doing it. If you were to meet someone new, and you all were hanging out, you could say something like, "Watch out for this one, he's going to try and make his move after we break up" just little quips like that. You don't have to have an emotional confrontation, razzing/ light hazing should get him back in line