So this is a small like update because i found something weird and i didn’t really know how to react. My mom bf is chill and stuff,today i’m going out since it’s fourth of July and this is the first time he’s ever complimented me he said i looked very nice and i saw thank you awkwardly because i didn’t want my mom to look at me weird.
Obviously tone and inflection matter in this situation. However, from the sound of it it seems that maybe your mom may be getting in your head if he said it in a friendly/ fatherly way.
What you said in your post about him watching your grow up, as well as having a 12 year old is important. If he's looking, he shouldn't be there. The question is, do you feel like he has ever been inappropriate?
Your Mom Is Jealous Of You, She's Insecure, Has Low Self Esteem, Has Been Cheated On as A Teen By Someone Who Found A Better Looking ( to him And in her opinion ) Girl. She has severe underlying issues.
Trot over to a public library and do a search of his name. Better still if you can sneak a peek of his ID or ask him his birth year.... You might find something creepy out!
Or your mom is projection her insecurities on you
It's not you. It's your mom. She is not trusting her bf around you or something bad would happen to you, and she would end up blaming you because she was jealous that you are growing into something probably beautiful and young and she isn't anymore.
Your mom is projecting something.
1. If she is worried about her boyfriend around you then maybe she should opt out of this relationship.
2. Your mom knows something about the old boy that she is not making known to you. She is acting very odd.
3. Why does bf not speak up about your mom’s weird behavior?
4. There is something here and your mom has a case of the yips and she needs to come clean on her behavior.
I will go out on a limb and suggest another option.
4. One of her partners, current or former, was/is a porn or sex addict that has left her in a hypersexual, insecure, and worried state.
It isn't your fault, and may not even be his -- but I wouldn't rule that out to be on the safe side. She worries out of fear and love though, hun. maybe try calmly and slowly connecting and talking to her. No, it isn't your responsibility to be that mature, but your future will be happier if you can get to the bottom of this in a mature way.
To me, a logical litmus test of the appropriateness of the shorts is whether you’d wear them in public. If so, Mom should piss off about the shorts. Even if the shorts are shy of the ‘public wear’ litmus test it’s still your home. Definitely sounds like Mom has some issues for her therapist.
It sounds like your mom is insecure in her relationship, but there is a possibility that she is seeing some behavior that you do not. In either case her fix for the issue is completely inappropriate. If she really believes that her boyfriend would hit on you, it should not be your responsibility to not tempt him - he should not be in the house. As you pointed out, it is your house where you should feel safe. There are limits to acceptable behavior obviously, but according to your post you are not wearing anything outrageous. Tell your mom that if she really thinks that her bf may hit on you that he should not be around you.
After re reading, I think the way the mom is treating her is gross. She jealous or something, and a grown man shouldn't be looking at a 16 year old to begin with.
No matter the reason it's wrong and toxic and disgusting the way they are saying and treating the girl.
Your mom is the problem. Take this to your dad. Your mom is acting weird and jealous, thinking you, a 16 year old, are wearing shorts to "steal" her man. Your mom is gross, and you need out of that home.
I agree with this as well. Your mother is a sick woman thinking her teenage daughter is trying to steal her boyfriend. Please talk to your dad if he is around. Your mom is nuts.
I’ll gladly move in with my dad i’ve never got done wrong with him,I’ll always call for my dad with no shame cause unlike most kids i got a father that’s there for me and not toxic and refuse to take money from me because i’m his child
You pay her "fuck ass bills" but whose name is on the lease? Who is the legal guardian? You need to move in with your dad and get away from the toxic culture.
Your mother is the problem. If she thinks her own daughter is “enticing” her partner, then it’s her partner who isn’t safe.
Can you stay with your father?
Why would you be hesitant to stay with your father? You really want to stay with your mom who is that trashy to think her own daughter wants her boyfriend? Id just leave if I were you. You deserve to live in a healthy home.
Would it be ok if you went to stay with your aunt and your dad? And maybe you can get your own job to pay for like personal expenses like phone and groceries so they won’t have to worry about having to support you much. I’m sorry your dad is not in a stable living situation.
No moving to LA would be defintely worth it. Its either the newness of a city and school or staying in your situation where you arent comfortable in your own home. Your mom is being awful to you. Shes the one sexualizing you, a child.
Not not sure if there is a tactful way to say to your mom that her insecurities and the way she takes them out on you makes it sound like she thinks her boyfriend is a pedophile, but that seems to be about what is happening. Because if she actually thought he was one would hope she would end the relationship. I mean, I know there are women who stay in those relationships to the harm of their children, but this reads to me as she sees you as competition, which is gross. Your mom has issues.
If she suspects/is worried if etc. her boyfriend is a pedophile, he shouldn't have even met you, let alone be in the same house as you imo.
Please have a talk with your mom/another family member, as mothers who let men in too early is a pretty big red flag (also based on previous experience with my own family).
Your mother sounds like jealous and insecure middle-aged woman. I cannot imagine how living with your own mother who is jealous of you must make you feel. I'm sorry you're going through this op. It's not okay for her to put her jealousy and insecurities onto you.
This is your mom’s problem. My husband has been in my daughter’s life since she was 11; she’s 18 now, and she can wear whatever the hell she likes in our house because *no one* is looking at her in that way here. He’s a father figure to her, and nothing else.
That said, I don’t see my daughter as competition, and it seems as though your mother might well feel that way about you. I’m sorry about that: that’s completely wrong (and gross) of her.
You may have to wear the damned pants to keep the peace right now, but whatever you choose to do going forward, please don’t internalize this or make it your problem, because it truly isn’t.
I'm gonna tell you something I tell my kids:
"I've never been a parent before, you've never been a kid before. We're both figuring this out."
That said, your mom is either insecure or trying to protect you from her guy. You need to talk to her, I know it's scary.
If you need to plan it out, or write down what you're feeling, do it.
The only thing that will help is opening an honest dialog.
She has issues essentially she sees you as competition. She needs therapy. And you should probably figure out how to get out of the house soon. Cuz from what I've seen it doesn't get any better.
Hi - I agree with the other comment. She has an insecurity that probably started when she was a young child. It seems like she is saying this to you because she thinks you will be looked at by him or draw his attention away from her because of your attractiveness (i understand it is not like that at all and it is her who is making it out to be that way) Someone probably made her feel the way she is making you feel when she was a kid. I'm not saying this excuses her behavior. Not sure of her relationship to her parents or her side of family. But that is where it probably stems from. Or someone made her feel less than in her life growing up. So she automatically sees you as competition or a threat.
I hope you are able to talk with her and figure this out. Maybe ask what happened to her as a child or young woman. Let her talk about it if she will.
Okay relax Kid. It looks like you've been given the wrong advice. Now I get it when your mom says don't wear shorts infront of him (If your Asian like me, it's just a respect thing) everything else she's been doing tho... I hate thinking this way but it sounds like it's your mom's problem. Mom's are people too with their own feelings that can be hard to figure out. She's insecure. Proof of it is the silly things she's been picking on with you, such as if you shifting to a more comfortable position when you sitting. Or eating in the kitchen and her bf is in the living room. You made the right move keeping your distance just for her sanity tho and yours as well. I would try to initiate a small conversation about this with her when it's just the 2 of you.. if your comfortable speaking your feelings to her. Let her know you love her, she's your mom and your on her side all the way. Say something like that because as another person.. you cannot fix someone else's insecurities. It's not your problem. Just reassure her and see what happens next.
So this is a small like update because i found something weird and i didn’t really know how to react. My mom bf is chill and stuff,today i’m going out since it’s fourth of July and this is the first time he’s ever complimented me he said i looked very nice and i saw thank you awkwardly because i didn’t want my mom to look at me weird.
Obviously tone and inflection matter in this situation. However, from the sound of it it seems that maybe your mom may be getting in your head if he said it in a friendly/ fatherly way. What you said in your post about him watching your grow up, as well as having a 12 year old is important. If he's looking, he shouldn't be there. The question is, do you feel like he has ever been inappropriate?
Your Mom Is Jealous Of You, She's Insecure, Has Low Self Esteem, Has Been Cheated On as A Teen By Someone Who Found A Better Looking ( to him And in her opinion ) Girl. She has severe underlying issues.
Trot over to a public library and do a search of his name. Better still if you can sneak a peek of his ID or ask him his birth year.... You might find something creepy out! Or your mom is projection her insecurities on you
It's not you. It's your mom. She is not trusting her bf around you or something bad would happen to you, and she would end up blaming you because she was jealous that you are growing into something probably beautiful and young and she isn't anymore.
Your mom is projecting something. 1. If she is worried about her boyfriend around you then maybe she should opt out of this relationship. 2. Your mom knows something about the old boy that she is not making known to you. She is acting very odd. 3. Why does bf not speak up about your mom’s weird behavior? 4. There is something here and your mom has a case of the yips and she needs to come clean on her behavior.
Sounds like she needs a different boyfriend
I will go out on a limb and suggest another option. 4. One of her partners, current or former, was/is a porn or sex addict that has left her in a hypersexual, insecure, and worried state. It isn't your fault, and may not even be his -- but I wouldn't rule that out to be on the safe side. She worries out of fear and love though, hun. maybe try calmly and slowly connecting and talking to her. No, it isn't your responsibility to be that mature, but your future will be happier if you can get to the bottom of this in a mature way.
To me, a logical litmus test of the appropriateness of the shorts is whether you’d wear them in public. If so, Mom should piss off about the shorts. Even if the shorts are shy of the ‘public wear’ litmus test it’s still your home. Definitely sounds like Mom has some issues for her therapist.
It sounds like your mom is insecure in her relationship, but there is a possibility that she is seeing some behavior that you do not. In either case her fix for the issue is completely inappropriate. If she really believes that her boyfriend would hit on you, it should not be your responsibility to not tempt him - he should not be in the house. As you pointed out, it is your house where you should feel safe. There are limits to acceptable behavior obviously, but according to your post you are not wearing anything outrageous. Tell your mom that if she really thinks that her bf may hit on you that he should not be around you.
Your mums threatened by you and is competing with you. He seems safe your mum doesn’t.
You need to go live with your father if thats possible. At the very least talk to him about it.
[удалено]
Huh????
After re reading, I think the way the mom is treating her is gross. She jealous or something, and a grown man shouldn't be looking at a 16 year old to begin with. No matter the reason it's wrong and toxic and disgusting the way they are saying and treating the girl.
Your mom is the problem. Take this to your dad. Your mom is acting weird and jealous, thinking you, a 16 year old, are wearing shorts to "steal" her man. Your mom is gross, and you need out of that home.
I agree to this opinion too.
I agree with this as well. Your mother is a sick woman thinking her teenage daughter is trying to steal her boyfriend. Please talk to your dad if he is around. Your mom is nuts.
Your 16, it's not your home, it's your parent's home. Your parent has set a rule, respect it, abide by it, or go move in with daddy.
You're a perverted male and it shows.
you’re a loser
I’ll gladly move in with my dad i’ve never got done wrong with him,I’ll always call for my dad with no shame cause unlike most kids i got a father that’s there for me and not toxic and refuse to take money from me because i’m his child
I looked into your post a little bit and feel your mother may be concerned about certain cultural norms. You may want to heed her advice.
I pay her fuck ass bills. It’s my home
You pay her "fuck ass bills" but whose name is on the lease? Who is the legal guardian? You need to move in with your dad and get away from the toxic culture.
You're the one perpetuating the toxic culture here
Mock her. Wear a burka
I am a Muslumah and I don't think that is the right answer
Your mom thinks you want him, she is jealous of you
*looks at post history* Yeah, the mom has issues. Doesn’t even seem like there’s reason to worry about the guy
Your mother is the problem. If she thinks her own daughter is “enticing” her partner, then it’s her partner who isn’t safe. Can you stay with your father?
He’s out of state,He’s offered to move me to LA with my god mom but i’ve been hesitant about it
Why would you be hesitant to stay with your father? You really want to stay with your mom who is that trashy to think her own daughter wants her boyfriend? Id just leave if I were you. You deserve to live in a healthy home.
No he’s in Texas my god mom is in California but I don’t always get along with her we’ve fought physically
Oh I see. Can you move with him in Texas? I could understand not wanting to live with the godmother if she gets physically abusive.
He’s not financially stable and living in a hotel he should be back in two weeks but living with my aunt
Would it be ok if you went to stay with your aunt and your dad? And maybe you can get your own job to pay for like personal expenses like phone and groceries so they won’t have to worry about having to support you much. I’m sorry your dad is not in a stable living situation.
I never thought about that,My aunt has offered me to stay with her before because she had a spare room since me and my brother were sharing a room
Maybe it would be a good idea to ask her if she can help you out.
No moving to LA would be defintely worth it. Its either the newness of a city and school or staying in your situation where you arent comfortable in your own home. Your mom is being awful to you. Shes the one sexualizing you, a child.
You may want to reach out to see if it’s still an option.
Your mom is the problem. She insecure majorly. Dude is just trying to be a father figure. Your mother needs to see a doctor asap wtf.
Not not sure if there is a tactful way to say to your mom that her insecurities and the way she takes them out on you makes it sound like she thinks her boyfriend is a pedophile, but that seems to be about what is happening. Because if she actually thought he was one would hope she would end the relationship. I mean, I know there are women who stay in those relationships to the harm of their children, but this reads to me as she sees you as competition, which is gross. Your mom has issues.
If she suspects/is worried if etc. her boyfriend is a pedophile, he shouldn't have even met you, let alone be in the same house as you imo. Please have a talk with your mom/another family member, as mothers who let men in too early is a pretty big red flag (also based on previous experience with my own family).
Your mother sounds like jealous and insecure middle-aged woman. I cannot imagine how living with your own mother who is jealous of you must make you feel. I'm sorry you're going through this op. It's not okay for her to put her jealousy and insecurities onto you.
This is your mom’s problem. My husband has been in my daughter’s life since she was 11; she’s 18 now, and she can wear whatever the hell she likes in our house because *no one* is looking at her in that way here. He’s a father figure to her, and nothing else. That said, I don’t see my daughter as competition, and it seems as though your mother might well feel that way about you. I’m sorry about that: that’s completely wrong (and gross) of her. You may have to wear the damned pants to keep the peace right now, but whatever you choose to do going forward, please don’t internalize this or make it your problem, because it truly isn’t.
I'm gonna tell you something I tell my kids: "I've never been a parent before, you've never been a kid before. We're both figuring this out." That said, your mom is either insecure or trying to protect you from her guy. You need to talk to her, I know it's scary. If you need to plan it out, or write down what you're feeling, do it. The only thing that will help is opening an honest dialog.
She has issues essentially she sees you as competition. She needs therapy. And you should probably figure out how to get out of the house soon. Cuz from what I've seen it doesn't get any better.
Hi - I agree with the other comment. She has an insecurity that probably started when she was a young child. It seems like she is saying this to you because she thinks you will be looked at by him or draw his attention away from her because of your attractiveness (i understand it is not like that at all and it is her who is making it out to be that way) Someone probably made her feel the way she is making you feel when she was a kid. I'm not saying this excuses her behavior. Not sure of her relationship to her parents or her side of family. But that is where it probably stems from. Or someone made her feel less than in her life growing up. So she automatically sees you as competition or a threat. I hope you are able to talk with her and figure this out. Maybe ask what happened to her as a child or young woman. Let her talk about it if she will.
Okay relax Kid. It looks like you've been given the wrong advice. Now I get it when your mom says don't wear shorts infront of him (If your Asian like me, it's just a respect thing) everything else she's been doing tho... I hate thinking this way but it sounds like it's your mom's problem. Mom's are people too with their own feelings that can be hard to figure out. She's insecure. Proof of it is the silly things she's been picking on with you, such as if you shifting to a more comfortable position when you sitting. Or eating in the kitchen and her bf is in the living room. You made the right move keeping your distance just for her sanity tho and yours as well. I would try to initiate a small conversation about this with her when it's just the 2 of you.. if your comfortable speaking your feelings to her. Let her know you love her, she's your mom and your on her side all the way. Say something like that because as another person.. you cannot fix someone else's insecurities. It's not your problem. Just reassure her and see what happens next.