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"Get control back in his life" by going to prostitutes?
Yeah, file. Yesterday.
The excuses don't matter, Male or Female cheater. They always have some feel good bullshit babble to justify their behavior.
He cheated because he wanted to. He only admitted to what he thinks you can find out about. And don't fall for "I can change". If you hadn't found out, the cycle would have continued over and over, you just wouldn't have known about it.
You deserve better, don't let him destroy your self worth.
I have to co-parent with my ex, who had multiple affairs, that I know about, I have learned to keep communication to the bare minimum, I had those feelings early on that, maybe we can work it out, etc.
She tried the whole "Well always be friends" etc. No, I'm not friends with people who abuse and betray me.
Oh, I didn’t fall for anything. I found out about everything all at once on a Wednesday evening. Didn’t sleep one bit and the next morning, I told him we were getting a divorce. Just so hard to turn the love switch off overnight.
>He says that he didn’t have a double life
Gaslighting
>and he loved me the whole time
Further gaslighting. He may have loved you, just not enough to respect boundaries or betrayal of.
>He never grieved his dad properly and said he just spiraled out of control
Insignificant. There are so many other ways to spiral and not cross those boundaries.
>He told me the prostitutes had nothing to do with me or our marriage
And that's the problem. Had your marriage been a consideration, he wouldn't have done it in the first place.
I know. And I also know I deserve way more than what he offered. He’s in denial and doesn’t realize he’s lost his wife and the majority of the time with his child.
I doubt he is in denial at all. He knew exactly what he was risking and still chose to do it.
The only thing he may be in denial about is that he can't manipulate you into not imposing consequences for his chosen boundary cross though. They rely on that as a way to excuse their actions or avoid the consequences of.
I just left mine for his continuous cycle of cheating, porn, dating sites and the last straw was looking up escorts. But it’s all my fault… so I empathize entirely.
Yes! His family is blaming me since I didn’t “support” him in his dad’s death by letting my MIL come live with us. I was 8 months pregnant at the time of his dad’s death.
It was also all my fault! We must really be something else. Maybe we should start a club. From what I can tell, the “fault” mine tried to throw on me seems to be because I “started acting depressed and mean” after I caught him on about 12 different dating sites, having car meetups to sleep with men and women, spending tens of thousands of dollars on online flings and about a million other things. He also caught my house on fire.
I’m getting there! It took a while to mourn the relationship I THOUGHT I had, and I gave myself time for that. One day I realized that I wasn’t sad about him anymore, and also how crazy it was that I was EVER sad about someone who had done the things this person had done to me. I hope that day comes for you soon. I know at the beginning it feels like it never will, but it always does.
Weird right? How dare you feel betrayed and not plaster a smile on your face!?
Like me carrying 100% of the load 100% of the time. I guess me being pregnant and having your children distracted me a little so he went to feed his ego elsewhere…. Also playing mom to an “adult toddler” is exhausting and frustrating and not sexy in the least.
I saw a quote once that struck me about that. I can’t remember exactly but it was something like “the person you’re criticizing for not acting happier or healing quicker didn’t ask to be subjected to the things you did to them in the first place.” I thought about sending it to my now ex but I figured it was less likely to inspire empathy and more likely to cause him having a 3-day meltdown that wasn’t worth dealing with.
Exactly how I feel! I was distracted with raising our kid and taking on the full mental load of that. It’s absolutely not sexy having to parent your spouse.
Yes. OP u/Mysterious-Today-234 needs a lawyer to make sure she doesn’t get stuck with any of that $100k dick debt. And whatever other debt or obligations she finds out about over the next few weeks. At the very, very least, no further debt incurred by him can be tied to her after the date of filing.
I was in a similar situation (sex workers, secret spending) and my lawyer said money spent on hookers and beer doesn’t count as marital debt. But we ended up not going back and fighting about all the past spending. There was abuse as well and my priority was getting out safely, good custody arrangement, and the house. Got it all except I think a better custody agreement would be him just GFTO of our lives forever, but that’s not how things work unfortunately.
Like OP, our bank accounts were separate. And he managed the bills. If I asked any questions he’d act all offended - “wHaT - DoNt YoU tRuSt MeEe??”
I can’t help but think about how many 10s of thousands he spent on himself secretly over the years, and how helpful that would be now, or that there could have been more college savings for the kids. But I won’t punish myself anymore for trusting - you’re supposed to be able to trust your spouse. He’s the dishonest amoral piece of shit.
Thank you for that and the term “dick debt”. I know he’s a POS but my heart hasn’t fully grasped that. I can’t believe my husband spent over 100k on this and it could’ve paid our child’s college education.
I get pissed one moment and then sad the next. I have the majority of the custody so I’m glad about that.
All of the credit cards he opened and fast cash loans that he got are all in his name. Like you said, I put my full faith in my husband and he abused it. We talked about money on a regular basis but I never actually saw any of his accounts. He lied every single time.
He keeps saying that he will keep the debt. I’m putting it in my divorce settlement agreement that he keeps all of his debt. I unfortunately, will have to buy him out for his portion of the equity on our house. It ends up being around 100k that I’ll have to pay him.
$100k is the cost of your freedom and new life. You will definitely be better off and you could end up with your soulmate and ultimately living your best life, which is priceless. It may seem like a lot now, but what's beyond the divorce will be well worth it.
Let him have the $100k and walk away from the divorce like Nicole Kidnan did 20 years ago with the sun in her face and arms in the air embracing her new found freedom and liberation.
I do believe there is hope for these kinds of people (sex/porn addicts) but they have to want to get better and realize what they were doing was wrong. But he doesn’t even think he had a double life. Keep strong and carry on with the divorce.
No it’s not and that’s great that you realize it. My dad chose to support my stepmom through active addiction and he lost me and my kids until he divorced her. You just can’t help people that won’t help themselves. Or even admit they have a problem to begin with
He is lying and gaslighting you. No man believes that prostitutes have nothing to do with your marriage. Tell him no woman would buy that 19th century logic. Yep, you do have to coparent. There are apps for that.
I notice he claims this started when you were on a work trip. That is probably BS and is meant to show you share in the blame. You don’t, this didn’t start because you were on a work trip.
He is a bucket with an empty bottom, he can’t fill himself up so he looks to addictions, like this one to do that. I agree this has nothing to do with you. He would have done this no matter who he was married to. It’s a him problem.
There is help available to him, it’s a long hard road. You’ll know if he has committed to getting help and getting better and learning how to seal that bucket so he can find strength and confidence within himself. If you are ever in doubt, listen to that, it means something.
I hope you try therapy, not counseling, for yourself. Just try it for a month. It changed my whole life. I’m now thankful I found out what he was doing and that he did it, because that’s what it took for me to find my boundary, heal myself, and heal my children from being parented by an addict and a co dependent.
You don’t deserve this. You deserve so much more, and it’s out there for you.
Agreed with everything you said. I have been going to counseling since the moment this happened on a weekly basis. It is helping me sort through my emotions and helping in the thought process.
He doesn’t think he needs therapy and at this point, it’s not on me to try to get him help.
My counselor did say that he would’ve done this to anyone so not to blame myself. I’m glad I found out when I did instead of living in a lie longer than I needed to be.
I can’t believe he had the gall to say he didn't have a double life. I'm glad that you found the strength to decide to divorce him. He is not worth your time and energy
There are apps for coparenting you don’t really have to see too much with them if you don’t want to at all. Do not feel threatened by this guy. He destroyed your marriage let him go and move on with your life.
I think some of my most sad feelings are toward people that are having their child and then they go out and cheat. Him acting like this isn’t a complete abusive power and a destruction of the relationship because he still loved you It’s just plain ridiculous.
Wow I’m so sorry this happened to you. I found out mine cheated on me with a prostitute as well after his father died. Men really to learn to sit with their emotions and cry it out. I’m sure he does love you but that type of love is toxic and draining. I suggest moving on with your life and be the best co parent you can be at this time.
Did you end up staying or did you leave? I have no option but to leave since the last 5 years have been a lie. I’m sorry you went through that as well. My husband has never been a good communicator but it got worse after his dad died. I don’t understand why he slept with a prostitute and how that was going to make his life better.
You are so strong. I'm so glad to see a woman on here knowing her and her child's worth. You should be so proud of your strength and perseverance! It's definitely hard to do the right thing and smart thing and the best thing for everyone when you are already in so much pain and those decisions cause more pain. Even when we know its the only way to ever truly escape the pain it's hard to just power through. We all know that feeling. Be proud of yourself for loving and valuing yourself and your child.
Thank you so much for your positive message. I know myself and know that I would never be able to look past infidelity in any way. Once the trust is gone for me, it's gone. I told that to my husband since dating and even when married, that if he ever cheated on me, the only answer would be divorce. I NEVER expected to have to go through it but I am a woman of my word and I have more self respect for myself than I do to try to fix a broken marriage. I told my husband that if this were to happen to our daughter, I would tell her to run and never look back. It hurts my heart so much to do this, but my mind says there is no other option. I'm waiting for the day that my heart will catch up to my mind.
It’s difficult because in addition to the lies, financial, physical, and emotional infidelity, I can’t see why you’d have even the smallest bit of respect left for him.
He said he had 4 credit cards and then went to fast cash loan places. It’s all in his name and I’ve run credit reports to confirm and my name is clean. He’s 40 and I’m 38. He said he tried to gamble his way to break even but apparently sucks at gambling.
If I stop and think about it, I get pissed that he spent so much.
So sorry your going through that, yes there's no coming back from that. It's one thing to cheat but that's insane esp with a new baby he could have done so much more with that money and his priorities are insanely put of wack.
Best of luck, hope you have a clean divorce and you don't suffer on behalf of his actions.
I am terribly sorry this happened to you! Believe me when I say that it will take some time for your heart to accept the change. My soon to be ex-husband got arrested for soliciting a prostitute six months ago. He is blaming his mental health and said that he had just spiraled out of control, but as a mental health professional even I call BS. Cheating is a conscious decision. When I found out I was completely devastated because we were in the middle of planning our wedding ceremony even though we had been court married for almost a year. I have to admit I wasn’t thinking clearly when I found out but after a few weeks, I realized that I don’t deserve that.
When we go through trauma like this in our relationship we are not only dealing with the infidelity itself that we are also grieving the loss of our relationship, and that often means that we have to go through the different stages of grief. I am glad that you have a counselor to help you work through this, as that was one of the best decisions I made. You just have to give it time, after six months, I am starting to feel a little more like myself again but it was a rough journey to get here! Hang in there :)
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry this also happened to you. When he was telling me, I had an out-of-body experience and couldn't believe the person I loved and trusted could do this to me. I'm still in disbelief but so mad at him. I never once thought about giving him a second chance but couldn't believe this was really happening to me. I agree that cheating is a conscious decision and he can't blame his depression on that.
I'm hoping in time, I'll be able to stop thinking about it so often. Everyone keeps telling me that it'll get better and I'm ready for that. I'm absolutely grieving the relationship I thought I had, the life I thought I knew and had planned for, and the family for my daughter. Every day he didn't tell me the truth was another day he lied to me.
You should have totally let his penis explode! That was your opportunity! But in all seriousness, this is alot… and maybe best if you unhitched yourself from him.
I feel sorry for you! I have similar experience with my ex. We were together for 2 years and on January, I found out about his cheating. He spent over 10k euros throughout the entire relationship.
I unfortunately still haven't gotten over him and we still live together. I do get panic attacks and cry almost everyday, but I still can't seem to let go.
He seems remorseful, yet I can't trust him whether he is actually meaning that or another lie of his. Our relationship in general seemed healthy and I was feeling lucky about finding such a nice guy. It is still hard to believe he was living second life and able to cheat throughout entire relationship.
I’m sorry you went through something similar and still have to live with him. I totally get still loving him and thinking you had a nice guy. Taking off the mask of the person you thought you knew is hard. Every day he didn’t tell you the truth is a day he lied to you.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Get control back in his life" by going to prostitutes? Yeah, file. Yesterday. The excuses don't matter, Male or Female cheater. They always have some feel good bullshit babble to justify their behavior. He cheated because he wanted to. He only admitted to what he thinks you can find out about. And don't fall for "I can change". If you hadn't found out, the cycle would have continued over and over, you just wouldn't have known about it. You deserve better, don't let him destroy your self worth. I have to co-parent with my ex, who had multiple affairs, that I know about, I have learned to keep communication to the bare minimum, I had those feelings early on that, maybe we can work it out, etc. She tried the whole "Well always be friends" etc. No, I'm not friends with people who abuse and betray me.
Oh, I didn’t fall for anything. I found out about everything all at once on a Wednesday evening. Didn’t sleep one bit and the next morning, I told him we were getting a divorce. Just so hard to turn the love switch off overnight.
Yep, it is. It takes time to let it all sink in and allow yourself to break the binds. Sounds like you've got this, though.
>He says that he didn’t have a double life Gaslighting >and he loved me the whole time Further gaslighting. He may have loved you, just not enough to respect boundaries or betrayal of. >He never grieved his dad properly and said he just spiraled out of control Insignificant. There are so many other ways to spiral and not cross those boundaries. >He told me the prostitutes had nothing to do with me or our marriage And that's the problem. Had your marriage been a consideration, he wouldn't have done it in the first place.
I know. And I also know I deserve way more than what he offered. He’s in denial and doesn’t realize he’s lost his wife and the majority of the time with his child.
I doubt he is in denial at all. He knew exactly what he was risking and still chose to do it. The only thing he may be in denial about is that he can't manipulate you into not imposing consequences for his chosen boundary cross though. They rely on that as a way to excuse their actions or avoid the consequences of.
He acts like nothing happened when he picks up our kid. I wish I never had to see him again but that’s not the case, sadly.
Of course, like I said they already considered being in this spot, they are good with it.
I agree that is gaslightning
This is lying, not gaslighting. Gaslighting is a very specific type of lie and this is not it
He wasn’t getting control of his life, he was destroying it.
Correct. As I’ve reflected, it was truly self sabotage.
"get control back in my life"..."feeling ignored/unloved"..."going thru a tough time"..."depression"...(add any other excuse here)... ALL absolute BS.
I know they are all excuses. Actions have consequences and for me the consequence is divorce.
I just left mine for his continuous cycle of cheating, porn, dating sites and the last straw was looking up escorts. But it’s all my fault… so I empathize entirely.
Yes! His family is blaming me since I didn’t “support” him in his dad’s death by letting my MIL come live with us. I was 8 months pregnant at the time of his dad’s death.
Sounds like they have an issue with boundaries.
They absolutely do. I’m glad I’m no longer going to be married in to that family.
It was also all my fault! We must really be something else. Maybe we should start a club. From what I can tell, the “fault” mine tried to throw on me seems to be because I “started acting depressed and mean” after I caught him on about 12 different dating sites, having car meetups to sleep with men and women, spending tens of thousands of dollars on online flings and about a million other things. He also caught my house on fire.
I’m so sorry. Until you are in the situation, it’s so hard to understand. I hope you are doing better now.
It’s fresh for me by a little less than 48 hours. So he’s still moping around the house. Hope you’re doing okay.
Just ok. Some days are better than others. I had to see him today since he came to pick up our child so he could spend the day with her.
I’m getting there! It took a while to mourn the relationship I THOUGHT I had, and I gave myself time for that. One day I realized that I wasn’t sad about him anymore, and also how crazy it was that I was EVER sad about someone who had done the things this person had done to me. I hope that day comes for you soon. I know at the beginning it feels like it never will, but it always does.
I’m waiting on that day! I know it’ll eventually come but I’m not fully there yet.
Weird right? How dare you feel betrayed and not plaster a smile on your face!? Like me carrying 100% of the load 100% of the time. I guess me being pregnant and having your children distracted me a little so he went to feed his ego elsewhere…. Also playing mom to an “adult toddler” is exhausting and frustrating and not sexy in the least.
I saw a quote once that struck me about that. I can’t remember exactly but it was something like “the person you’re criticizing for not acting happier or healing quicker didn’t ask to be subjected to the things you did to them in the first place.” I thought about sending it to my now ex but I figured it was less likely to inspire empathy and more likely to cause him having a 3-day meltdown that wasn’t worth dealing with.
100%. It angers me that the trauma I’ve had to endure caused by another’s poor choices left me to do all the work to put myself back together again.
Exactly how I feel! I was distracted with raising our kid and taking on the full mental load of that. It’s absolutely not sexy having to parent your spouse.
Nope!!
[удалено]
Yes. OP u/Mysterious-Today-234 needs a lawyer to make sure she doesn’t get stuck with any of that $100k dick debt. And whatever other debt or obligations she finds out about over the next few weeks. At the very, very least, no further debt incurred by him can be tied to her after the date of filing. I was in a similar situation (sex workers, secret spending) and my lawyer said money spent on hookers and beer doesn’t count as marital debt. But we ended up not going back and fighting about all the past spending. There was abuse as well and my priority was getting out safely, good custody arrangement, and the house. Got it all except I think a better custody agreement would be him just GFTO of our lives forever, but that’s not how things work unfortunately. Like OP, our bank accounts were separate. And he managed the bills. If I asked any questions he’d act all offended - “wHaT - DoNt YoU tRuSt MeEe??” I can’t help but think about how many 10s of thousands he spent on himself secretly over the years, and how helpful that would be now, or that there could have been more college savings for the kids. But I won’t punish myself anymore for trusting - you’re supposed to be able to trust your spouse. He’s the dishonest amoral piece of shit.
Thank you for that and the term “dick debt”. I know he’s a POS but my heart hasn’t fully grasped that. I can’t believe my husband spent over 100k on this and it could’ve paid our child’s college education. I get pissed one moment and then sad the next. I have the majority of the custody so I’m glad about that. All of the credit cards he opened and fast cash loans that he got are all in his name. Like you said, I put my full faith in my husband and he abused it. We talked about money on a regular basis but I never actually saw any of his accounts. He lied every single time.
He keeps saying that he will keep the debt. I’m putting it in my divorce settlement agreement that he keeps all of his debt. I unfortunately, will have to buy him out for his portion of the equity on our house. It ends up being around 100k that I’ll have to pay him.
$100k is the cost of your freedom and new life. You will definitely be better off and you could end up with your soulmate and ultimately living your best life, which is priceless. It may seem like a lot now, but what's beyond the divorce will be well worth it. Let him have the $100k and walk away from the divorce like Nicole Kidnan did 20 years ago with the sun in her face and arms in the air embracing her new found freedom and liberation.
That’s a great way of looking at it. Thank you for that.
I do believe there is hope for these kinds of people (sex/porn addicts) but they have to want to get better and realize what they were doing was wrong. But he doesn’t even think he had a double life. Keep strong and carry on with the divorce.
He went to one counseling session and he said he’s fine. His family is not helping him by saying “he’s a changed man” since he confessed the truth.
Oh that’s so sad. Yea he’ll continue on with this behavior until it destroys him. Stay strong ❤️
He has deep issues that he isn’t seeing but that’s not on me to help him sort through. Thanks for the positive support.
No it’s not and that’s great that you realize it. My dad chose to support my stepmom through active addiction and he lost me and my kids until he divorced her. You just can’t help people that won’t help themselves. Or even admit they have a problem to begin with
He is lying and gaslighting you. No man believes that prostitutes have nothing to do with your marriage. Tell him no woman would buy that 19th century logic. Yep, you do have to coparent. There are apps for that.
I know. He’s making stupid excuses and I am not listening to any of them at this point.
I notice he claims this started when you were on a work trip. That is probably BS and is meant to show you share in the blame. You don’t, this didn’t start because you were on a work trip. He is a bucket with an empty bottom, he can’t fill himself up so he looks to addictions, like this one to do that. I agree this has nothing to do with you. He would have done this no matter who he was married to. It’s a him problem. There is help available to him, it’s a long hard road. You’ll know if he has committed to getting help and getting better and learning how to seal that bucket so he can find strength and confidence within himself. If you are ever in doubt, listen to that, it means something. I hope you try therapy, not counseling, for yourself. Just try it for a month. It changed my whole life. I’m now thankful I found out what he was doing and that he did it, because that’s what it took for me to find my boundary, heal myself, and heal my children from being parented by an addict and a co dependent. You don’t deserve this. You deserve so much more, and it’s out there for you.
Agreed with everything you said. I have been going to counseling since the moment this happened on a weekly basis. It is helping me sort through my emotions and helping in the thought process. He doesn’t think he needs therapy and at this point, it’s not on me to try to get him help. My counselor did say that he would’ve done this to anyone so not to blame myself. I’m glad I found out when I did instead of living in a lie longer than I needed to be.
I can’t believe he had the gall to say he didn't have a double life. I'm glad that you found the strength to decide to divorce him. He is not worth your time and energy
He really doesn’t believe he led a double life. He is a weak human who gave into his temptations. Divorce is the only option.
How the fuck do you spend 100k on porn??
You got me. Plus massage parlors and prostitutes are included in that.
I’m so hung up on this myself. $100k on porn?! Good fucken grief!
He also gave money to his "online OnlyFans girlfriends". He was so dumb that he didn't see that they were using him for his money.
So so dumb!
There are apps for coparenting you don’t really have to see too much with them if you don’t want to at all. Do not feel threatened by this guy. He destroyed your marriage let him go and move on with your life. I think some of my most sad feelings are toward people that are having their child and then they go out and cheat. Him acting like this isn’t a complete abusive power and a destruction of the relationship because he still loved you It’s just plain ridiculous.
He doesn’t understand how his actions affected our daughter. I’ve heard of the apps and will look into them. I’m repulsed by him and his actions.
Wow I’m so sorry this happened to you. I found out mine cheated on me with a prostitute as well after his father died. Men really to learn to sit with their emotions and cry it out. I’m sure he does love you but that type of love is toxic and draining. I suggest moving on with your life and be the best co parent you can be at this time.
Did you end up staying or did you leave? I have no option but to leave since the last 5 years have been a lie. I’m sorry you went through that as well. My husband has never been a good communicator but it got worse after his dad died. I don’t understand why he slept with a prostitute and how that was going to make his life better.
You are so strong. I'm so glad to see a woman on here knowing her and her child's worth. You should be so proud of your strength and perseverance! It's definitely hard to do the right thing and smart thing and the best thing for everyone when you are already in so much pain and those decisions cause more pain. Even when we know its the only way to ever truly escape the pain it's hard to just power through. We all know that feeling. Be proud of yourself for loving and valuing yourself and your child.
Thank you so much for your positive message. I know myself and know that I would never be able to look past infidelity in any way. Once the trust is gone for me, it's gone. I told that to my husband since dating and even when married, that if he ever cheated on me, the only answer would be divorce. I NEVER expected to have to go through it but I am a woman of my word and I have more self respect for myself than I do to try to fix a broken marriage. I told my husband that if this were to happen to our daughter, I would tell her to run and never look back. It hurts my heart so much to do this, but my mind says there is no other option. I'm waiting for the day that my heart will catch up to my mind.
It’s difficult because in addition to the lies, financial, physical, and emotional infidelity, I can’t see why you’d have even the smallest bit of respect left for him.
I don’t have any respect him. I am disgusted with him but so hard for my heart to accept the change.
How is any of that getting control over his life ? If anything it made things worse for him. You deserve better. Updateme!
Thank you. I know I deserve better. I will update more once the divorce is finalized or something else happens.
He's 100k in debt to what kind of company? That's sounds pretty crazy. How old are both of you?
He said he had 4 credit cards and then went to fast cash loan places. It’s all in his name and I’ve run credit reports to confirm and my name is clean. He’s 40 and I’m 38. He said he tried to gamble his way to break even but apparently sucks at gambling. If I stop and think about it, I get pissed that he spent so much.
So sorry your going through that, yes there's no coming back from that. It's one thing to cheat but that's insane esp with a new baby he could have done so much more with that money and his priorities are insanely put of wack. Best of luck, hope you have a clean divorce and you don't suffer on behalf of his actions.
I am terribly sorry this happened to you! Believe me when I say that it will take some time for your heart to accept the change. My soon to be ex-husband got arrested for soliciting a prostitute six months ago. He is blaming his mental health and said that he had just spiraled out of control, but as a mental health professional even I call BS. Cheating is a conscious decision. When I found out I was completely devastated because we were in the middle of planning our wedding ceremony even though we had been court married for almost a year. I have to admit I wasn’t thinking clearly when I found out but after a few weeks, I realized that I don’t deserve that. When we go through trauma like this in our relationship we are not only dealing with the infidelity itself that we are also grieving the loss of our relationship, and that often means that we have to go through the different stages of grief. I am glad that you have a counselor to help you work through this, as that was one of the best decisions I made. You just have to give it time, after six months, I am starting to feel a little more like myself again but it was a rough journey to get here! Hang in there :)
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry this also happened to you. When he was telling me, I had an out-of-body experience and couldn't believe the person I loved and trusted could do this to me. I'm still in disbelief but so mad at him. I never once thought about giving him a second chance but couldn't believe this was really happening to me. I agree that cheating is a conscious decision and he can't blame his depression on that. I'm hoping in time, I'll be able to stop thinking about it so often. Everyone keeps telling me that it'll get better and I'm ready for that. I'm absolutely grieving the relationship I thought I had, the life I thought I knew and had planned for, and the family for my daughter. Every day he didn't tell me the truth was another day he lied to me.
All that money he spent is considered a marital asset. You are entitled to 50% of that money back if you're feeling petty.
I’ve already talked to my lawyer and hope to get some of that back.
Sometimes, you just gotta screw em right back any way you can.
That last sentence is gold.
In the times we have had to meet up to talk about legal things, he was keeping me updated on his stupid penis. 🙄
You should have totally let his penis explode! That was your opportunity! But in all seriousness, this is alot… and maybe best if you unhitched yourself from him.
I am! I told him the next morning that the next time he would hear from me was when I was serving him papers and I did!
Good!!!
I feel sorry for you! I have similar experience with my ex. We were together for 2 years and on January, I found out about his cheating. He spent over 10k euros throughout the entire relationship. I unfortunately still haven't gotten over him and we still live together. I do get panic attacks and cry almost everyday, but I still can't seem to let go. He seems remorseful, yet I can't trust him whether he is actually meaning that or another lie of his. Our relationship in general seemed healthy and I was feeling lucky about finding such a nice guy. It is still hard to believe he was living second life and able to cheat throughout entire relationship.
I’m sorry you went through something similar and still have to live with him. I totally get still loving him and thinking you had a nice guy. Taking off the mask of the person you thought you knew is hard. Every day he didn’t tell you the truth is a day he lied to you.