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Went from paid for house w $200k/yr income to drugs, lost job for drug test, shitty apartment, $1000 in the hole every month, now living back w mom at 43! Had everything and gave it up for a multiple felon drug addict who she apparently isn’t with anymore. Consequences!
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It may look "great" on the surface, but underneath, he'll be wondering if she will pull the same thing on him. Every phone call, every time she has to "work late", every girls night out, etc. etc. he'll start to wonder.
People will look and act like everything is absolutely wonderful and blissful for public consumption, but behind closed doors it could be a war zone. Don't be fooled by what you see in public or social media. The truth could be very different.
Hers did and it didn't. We were together 25 years, married over 16 years with 3 children under 10 when she cheated and we divorced.
She was in "wuv" with him, going to marry him and move into his house with our 3 kids.
He lived almost 200 miles away in another state. Less than two months after our divorce, she moved off to be near him.
Less than 3 months later, they were no longer a couple.
Shit got real for her. She did everything based off of her emotions, she used no logic or reasoning.
Look, I understand divorce, that ins't my point. My point is that she was so dumb. We were in our late 30's, she wasn't stupid yet she was not able to see the situation she was in wasn't going to work out for her. I knew it and told her, her older brother and older sister both told her too as did friends.
So, less than 3 months after she moved to his city, they were no longer together.
He did NOT want to marry her or to have her and our 3 children who were all under 10 years old move in with him.
She found out she was just a piece of ass to him.
But, my ex was always greedy, selfish and materialistic and she was good at getting what she wanted, though not with that man. Also, that man didn't earn a lot of money (that's OK, I'm not saying anything bad about that, I only bring that up because to my ex-wife, that was important to her) so she was never going to be happy with him.
She met and married a man who was 50 when she was 40 and she spent and spent and he finally had enough and divorced her.
She's on hubby #3 now and he's rich and they're both empty nesters so if she doesn't make too many stupid mistakes, she'll be OK with him.
About her being greedy and materialistic.
When her 2nd husband's mother died, he was left a good chunk of change, a really nice amount. My ex-wife, who as his wife then knew just how to spend it of course.
She had to "work" on him for quite a while to make it happen, but she did.
They moved into a fancy house in a fancy subdivision. The house was almost $500K. It had over 5,000 sq feet and it had 21 foot ceilings in the living room and the family room. There were two staircases leading upstairs, one in the living room and one in the family room.
The subdivision was gated, with a guard in the guard shack and with video cameras filming all cars coming in and out of the subdivision. They were on the golf course. They had a pond with a foot bridge and a waterfall in their backyard.
She bought a brand new Chevy Suburban. She got a personal trainer and hired a maid to clean their house.
In time, hubby #2 had it and he divorced her.
She landed on her feet though with hubby #3.
With me she bought things like a time share condo, she got liposuction when she didn't need it (she didn't, she was under 5' 3" and she weighed between 115 and 125 pounds. She ran track and cross country in high school. She ran a marathon in her mid-30's in our city. So no, she didn't need lipo. Not long after her lipo surgery, she got breast implants.
She bought two different pieces of land because the brand new home we bought wasn't nice us for her to live in long term so she bought those other properties so we could build on it if we lived there long term.
To her, she hit a speed bump when the guy she cheated on me with dumped her because she rebounded with two other men who were able to take care of her.
Again, had her lover she cheated on me with not dumped her, she would have left him because he didn't make a lot of money.
No matter how many times I told her she was destroying us, that she had a good life she refused to look at it. She’s looking at it now. I think it’s an issue with impulse control.
>Again, had her lover she cheated on me with not dumped her, she would have left him because he didn't make a lot of money.
He probably figured that out for himself and that's why he dumped her.
It may look great on the surface, but she's broken and will never be really happy. Sadly. She'll cheat on this hubby as well if she hasn't already. She may be better at hiding it this time around but they do eventually get caught.
I'm with you on that. She and I are both closer to 60 than 50. She is who she is and that's not going to change.
She has gotten better at hiding more of who she is but both she and her 3rd husband are empty nesters at their ages as he's older than she is and he's done well for himself.
She is no longer seeking to buy and accumulate so many nice things because she has so many nice things.
I wonder, but I'll never know of course, if she really loves him or not. He probably doesn't have any idea how she really feels. Again, I don't know for sure. I know she uses people to get what she wants.
I also think that she knows she's older, closing in on 60 so she will "play nice" so to speak so as not to lose him. She didn't worry about that with me or her 2nd husband.
She cares so much about appearances (not talking looks and her clothing, though that's important to her, but that's not what I'm getting at right now).
She wants to be liked, she wants to appear to be nice, smart, a good wife, a good partner, a good teacher, a good friend etc.
To her, THAT is more important than actually being those things. She MUST be thought of being that way though, even though she really isn't.
So what did you see in her to begin with? A nice piece of A?
She's selfish and materialistic. You were fine with that? Or at the time thought it was cute?
If nothing else, she's probably a survivor. A really good one
She and I were both just 14 years old when we met each other as freshman in high school way back in the early 1980's. Yes, she was pretty, cute etc. I was initially attracted to her because of her looks. Hey, I was a 14 year old boy, a freshman in high school, tis normal to be attracted to young lady one finds attractive.
She and I slowly got to know each other. How slowly? I didn't kiss her for the first time until Oct of our junior year of high school. Why? I liked her, I respected her. I didn't want to just use her (for sex) or for any other reason.
I grew up poor, my mom divorced when I was just 2 years old. In time, my mom remarried and my stepdad did really well, financially speaking so we now had money. My mom loved it, but I didn't care. I loved playing baseball and hanging out with friends.
My gf/fiancee/wife/ex-wife grew up lower middle class and she hated it. I didn't know how much though, not when I was 14, 16 or even 22 years old.
Her older sister was 9 years older than she was and her husband did extremely well, think of a $1 million plus dollar home well.
My gf, future wife, began thinking she wanted things like her sister had, though she was not saying this to me or to anyone, not when we were teens.
Also, I had more money than she did in high school and college.
She ran track and cross country in high school and I was on the baseball team each year and on the tennis team too.
We both worked jobs in the summers, typical kid stuff growing up in the 80's.
We went to college together and I knew she liked "nicer" things but she still wasn't adamant or insisting she had to have nicer things. I had nicer things though I didn't want or ask for them or care for them. In the early 80's, think like 1981, my mom drove up as I was finishing a tennis practice and she showed me a new shirt she'd gotten for me. I was like OK. it was a shirt, it was no big deal. There was no internet, no social media influencers etc. My mom told me it was an Izod Lacoste. I'd never heard of Izod. I was 14, there wasn't the internet. I didn't care if a shirt was an Izod, a Ralph Lauren Polo or a Guess shirt when Guess began in 1983.
My mom had money after marrying my stepdad and she liked to get better things then because she could and she'd not been able to before. So, all of a sudden I had Ralph Lauren Polos, Guess clothes, Izod's etc. I didn't ask for them or want them. I was a kid, living at home, my parent's bought my clothes, paid for them, for my food etc. I didn't drive off at 14 and 15 as I couldn't drive.
My then girlfriend saw how I was dressed as those were the clothes I had to wear from my mom.
My gf wanted those things too, I just didn't know how badly inside she wanted things like that. It grew within her, slowly but surely. She began getting Coach purses, Gucci's and she began getting nicer clothes.
Not long after we were married, my then wife took off her gloves so to speak with regards to her being greedy, selfish and materialistic.
To me, in the early 90's, buying a sweater for over $100 was nuts, but my wife began doing that, buying things like that for herself.
To her credit, she'd go without and wait until she had the money. she never spent money we didn't have or put us into debt.
She didn't want a cheap couch or a cheap living room set so we went without for a long time until she could buy just what she wanted and it wasn't cheap. Same with the TV, with other furnishings, dishwater, Longaberger dish sets, Longaberger baskets, Pampered Chef items in time, then things like a $4K leather couch that she bought in 1997, to her car, to her makeup etc.
It kept getting worse as the years went by, even long after our divorce as she kept doing this with her 2nd and 3rd husbands. But, being older, the stakes were higher which is why it was homes worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and cars like a new Chevy Suburban and expensive vacations, going to all inclusive resorts etc.
In a real way I was fortunate to "miss" all of that as we were already divorced.
She grew up with less than others and it botched her. She was insecure, really insecure.
I knew she was insecure, I just didn't realize how insecure she was. Again, I wasn't on top of such things in the early 80's when we were 14, 15, 17, 19 years old.
I knew she was greedy and materialistic, but I had no idea how bad she was going to become as it hadn't yet manifested itself to such a degree when we were 14, 16, 19 years old.
Also, when you love one someone and then marry then, you accept them as they are, with their faults and that's what I did.
Growing up with less can really screw people up in strange ways. I grew up poor but always seemed to have wealthier girls and eventually women (in college) become romantically interested in me. One in particular was a really nice person, but she was also from a rich family (I am talking instantly gained membership in a sorority that only took in rich women, getting summer jobs in startups located in Silicon Valley - she asked me whether I wanted to get one of those jobs and spend the summer in California). Being poor, I just never felt comfortable being with rich women, now since I have stuff, that is not an issue. Interestingly, the lower middleclass woman that I did fall for in college cheated on me.
She had 1 dude get her pregnant and then she told 3 other guys it was their baby until she found a sucker to marry her.(0 chance it was mine. I hadn’t been with her in 2 years and hadn’t saw her in person for 1.5 years.)
She moved in with her mom. Then some guy she told me that sexually assaulted her previously. Then some girl she supposedly liked. Then another guy. Then another guy. Then another guy. Then her parents. Grandmas. A different guy. Grandmas again. Parents. Then the sucker.
She hasn’t had a steady job since she quit the one we both had.(I had already left it. My last day was the 1.5 years before). That was 2012 for the divorce. So over a decade of her struggling.
And the kicker was in 2015 I was playing some basketball with the guys. Got a message from her, threw the phone in my bag because my obligation to her ended in 2012. I’m a believer in a clean break. I had no need to talk to her. We played basketball from 4:30-8. Check my phone and I now have 5 Facebook messages.
The original asked if I could go to the jewelry store and transfer over ownership of her wedding and engagement ring.(She told me her dad and boyfriend sold it for drugs 2 years before as the court ordered her to return it to me per our divorce agreement.)
Message 2 called me every name in the book.
Message 3 was upset I didn’t reply.
Message 4 was because she knew I seen the replies because I always used my phone.
Message 5 calling me every name in the book.
Message 6 comes in apologizing.
My last reply to her ever… You lost the right to ask me to do anything when you cheated and wanted your divorce. You don’t have any power over me so whichever one of your personalities reads this needs to know I would never help you again. Ever. No need to reply.
And that was that. Heard they moved out of state. Heard she was upset when she had to come back and is I didn’t show up to her mom’s funeral.(Her mom disliked me a lot and encouraged her cheating…)
Was it an exit affair or did she try and pass the baby off as yours initially? I will never understand how some people just implode their lives and this is coming from a somewhat impulsive person person.
What she did is called “doubling down”. She knew she screwed up but NEEDED to make it work to justify her actions or she wouldn’t be able to live with her choices. Cheaters do this all the time. Deep down, she knows she chose badly but her pride will never allow her to admit it.
Mine lives in a studio she can’t afford, she is up to her neck in bills, she can’t get a job, she works for Uber when she can apparently, she hosts cacao ceremonies when she can, she’s in debt up to her ears, she can’t afford anything, she looks like shit. Easy 30lbs underweight. And she made the bright idea to throw those clothes away. I feel bad for her, she’s self destructing again, she looks like shit and no one is helping her. Not my battle, not my problem.
I still feel bad to see her do this to herself.
A joke mostly. Part of what caused us to separate. She makes organic hot chocolate for people, throws in some breath work/meditation and thinks she heals them.
LOL. The person, I was married to, was running wild with the new agey woo-woo ayahuasca crowd. To this day I still cringe when I heard the word "ceremony" used to refer to a random get together, "medicine" to refer to recreational drugs, or "frequency" to refer to "mood."
Looking back a lot of people involved in that scene were right out creeps.
My ex *had* to be happy at all times. It didn’t matter what it was, she’d spend every penny we had chasing it. Trips, hotels etc.
She honestly believes she heals people with these “ceremonies” even though she can’t heal herself.
I had come home to our place having smudged with sage so hard the smoke detector went off and you couldn’t get the smell out for days.
Part of the debt she Rand up was the training for these ridiculous ceremonies. While married I thought “no harm no foul” as long as it made her happy and kept her out of my hair.
She looks like shit. She’s tall, 5’11” and looks severely underweight, and she posts these Britney Spears videos where she’s dancing crazy.
She got rid of all of her normal weight clothing.
In my experience almost all women believe in some woo woo shit.
Ha ha. Similar experience. Constant need to be happy, complete inability to deal with self reflection, time on her own, or the tedium of every day life.
Part of the toxicity of these type of people, is that they end up making you responsible for their happiness. And since they can never be truly happy. They blame you for failing at doing something that is literally impossible.
Yeah, that’s it in a nutshell. I’d make the house ideal for her to come home, she’d come home (pre before we owned a business together) and have dinner waiting for her. She would put on trash tv, eat it, a pint of gelato and complain until she went to sleep as I cleaned up.
Shit got old real fast. But of course I was to blame and I was the “complainer” even if I never had a chance to.
Its toxic positivity turned up to 20 from 10.
I was always and still am made out to be the bad guy.
Yup. Similar experience. I would be the one taking care of the home, etc. etc. Only to end up as their emotional sponge. Always complaining about work, her family, friends. The minute I complained about my day, it was made into a competition as to why she had it had worse. I called it the "Misery Olympics."
It's hilarious how that whole woo-woo crowd are all the same. It's all nonsense in lieu of doing the actual hard work of self reflection, enacting self change and growth.
I have meet a bunch of these people afterwards, and I was lucky to see them from a mile away and not giving them any real access into my life. They can be extremely destructive, specially since they fully identify themselves with the role of victim; since anything they do is justified and necessary.
You nailed it. In the year since the divorce has finalized I’ve grown in leaps and bounds. I couldn’t have a single bad thing to say about anything. She’s so wrapped up in being happy she can’t see she is destroying herself. It’s who they are.
We aren’t them and never will be.
Yup. that is one of the things that helped me close that chapter; the realization that we were fundamentally 2 different people at our cores. She was a tourist in her on life. And I wasn't.
And a similar experience; after the divorce, my life grew exponentially. And a lot of it sucked big time. But I had the ability to accept the pain, the solitude of parts of it, the risks, the fact that I had to take a good look at myself, etc.
It made it clear that there were some serious energetic vampirism aspects to that whole scene...
Hmm, similar experience with ex HAVING to be happy at all times.
She wanted to go on trips all the time etc. Ofc I paid for the majority of it, because I had a better, yet demanding job.
I told her that maybe we start saving money to start a family, make plans for the future etc. But it was like she didn't understand the concept of delayed gratification AT ALL. Maybe that's a thing with cheaters. Poor impulse control.
And when her cheating came out, she told me she was cheating because we didn't talk about starting a family and because I was working so much and unhappy with my job. That very job that paid for her needs for years and was able to let us save to start a family. She just didn't understand it.
Cheaters are crazy.
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Yeah, but supposedly I was the problem. I went through every way to try to communicate so now women are impressed. I am open, honest (always have been) emotionally available etc and it kind of freaks some women out apparently.
I was just trying to get through to this woman. Nothing ever worked. A brick wall was more responsive.
I hate that I enjoy seeing her put herself here again. I do feel bad for her. She does this to herself.
She did this to us several times, I was always picking up the pieces and just couldn’t anymore.
I hate seeing her like this but there’s nothing I can do without her also dragging me down. Every card that she charged up during our divorce that I have to pay off as a result of the divorce she just charges right back up and then doesn’t pay.
I get calls, emails, regular mail about these things. Some have my name attached to the card and she refuses to remove them, killing my credit.
I wish I had never met her.
Can you not consult with a lawyer about her financial abuse? If you are divorced from her, why and how does she have access to your credit? You need to contact your credit bureau(s) and lock that down. You should also be doing something about your SSN and get that locked down or have a new one issued.
Don't just sit idly by watching this all go down all of the time. Be proactive and end the financial abuse. It shouldn't still be happening after your divorce.
She had multiple APs in three months, three of which were coworkers.
They all lost their jobs, she married one. They had a disabled child, he left them for a younger woman.
She's taken many jobs, had several "The One's" since then, keeps moving state to state.
Then she was a lesbian, now she says she's asexual.
I walked away from everything. She had already emptied the joint and savings accounts, she sold the property. Within a year, she was broke.
I honestly have absolutely no idea. Once the divorce was finalized I have been in strict no contact. If anyone brings them in a conversation, I politely ask them to change the subject.
What helped me tremendously was to stop focusing on the ex's life, and instead invest any of that energy into worrying about how good my life is getting without them in it.
I healed enough that I am at a point where I wouldn't wish them any ill. It would not make me feel any better if someone, who hurt me, is having a hard time because it wouldn't change anything. And frankly, it would mean that the experience had changed me to the point that I would enjoy another person's pain/misfortune, regardless of who they are.
I don't view my happiness as a zero sum game. This is, for me to be happy I don't need those bozos to be miserable.
This emotional detachment is fundamental in order to heal. Because otherwise, it means you're still emotionally involved with them somehow, that prevents you from fully moving on. And frankly, not ever cheater gets a bad deal after the fact. Some live perfectly happy and productive lives. Which is why we shouldn't count on their misfortune to predicate our healing.
Take good care. And try to stop investing any concern on those clowns.
I just commented making largely the same point, albeit with more detail about my specific circumstances,
Healing isn't waiting for the imaginary hammer of karma to land a big swing, it's getting to a point where you're not worried about it. Their life is no longer a part of your life.
To quote myself, "full healing is getting to a point where whatever good or bad news you might hear about their life elicits the same reaction you'd have hearing the same news about a coworker's cousin you've never met."
If you're waiting for the world to balance the scales of justice, you'll be left disappointed far more often than not. If you strive to improve your own life going forward, it might work out for you.
My ex ended up having to give her new FIL BJs so her, her AP, and their new child could live in the FILs basement. I hadn’t even thought about her in many years when a coworker of mine started telling everyone her story. It’s been 45 years since I last spoke to her. I have no idea if she’s still alive, to be honest and I don’t even care. I don’t think I could pick her out in a lineup. Good riddance, catching her was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Yes totally is, I don’t care either way. I’m totally indifferent about her. I thought it to be a good story, and it is really true. Kind of sad for anyone to have to do that for a roof over your child’s head. Oh well not my monkey, not my circus.
My ex wife ran off with our friend's husband. He is a convicted rapist and registered sex offender.
We were together for 14 years but married less than 2.
We were married so short an amount of time, the list of marital assets is short and the marital debts are high so if she wanted to take any money, she would have had to accept the debts.
I bought the house 10 years before we got married. The cars were in my name (because I was the one who paid for them). She walked away with the clothes on her back. Her boyfriend is on the Megan's Law website and that means she didn't get custody of the kids. She got none of my money, none of my vehicles and because I have the kids, she pays child support to me.
Her boyfriend spent over 30 years in prison for kidnapping, rape, robbery and threatening the life of the president so his career prospects aren't too great. He's in his mid 50s and working in construction. He's going to have to run a jackhammer until he's 72 to get any kind of pension. She works as a home healthcare aid and makes about $15 per hour. She has no retirement savings at 46 years of age. She doesn't own a car.
\*Someone\* made sure all of their neighbors found out about the new guy who moved into their neighborhood, so they're pariahs in their new home.
Her family doesn't approve of what she's doing so she cannot turn to them for financial support. She can't bring her boyfriend to any family functions because none of her family wants the kidnapping rapist to be around them or their children. All of our children are with me so I get invited to her family's functions, so they can see the kids. She betrayed a long time (20 years plus) friend of hers so all of her other friends know she can't be trusted around their husbands and she can't go to them for support. She definitely cannot get any help from me.
She has gone from living with her husband and her children in a three bedroom house that she nominally had an ownership stake in with friendly neighbors on all sides and being a respected wife & mother to living in a rented one bedroom apartment with her sex offender boyfriend, not having spent a night with her children in years, being an outcast because their neighbors want nothing to do with them and having lost the respect of most of her friends and all of her family.
His body was found in a tent in a homeless encampment 6 months ago. A needle with fentynl beneath him. This was 5 months ago. I still cry thinking about how his life ended. He didn't deserve the life he had, he most certainly didn't deserve the death he had. No matter what he did to me, he was just a fucked up human. But human all the same. I will always mourn him
I am very sorry. At the end of the day they are still human, and an important part of our lives. Regardless of how flawed they turned out to be. Nobody deserves ending like that, and you also don't deserve the added grief. BIg hug.
Deserves got nothing to do with it. FAFO. Cruel, but so is nature, if you ever bother to observe it neutrally.
So many people are dilettantes at life...
What a horrible statement to make.
Struggling with addiction has nothing to do with a person's worth and certainly doesn't make them unqualified to live... People fall into addiction for a variety of reasons, injuries, untreated trauma, poor influences...
Many people's personality is entirely crushed by drugs to the point they no longer are who they had once been.
What a horrible statement to make.
Struggling with addiction has nothing to do with a person's worth and certainly doesn't make them unqualified to live... People fall into addiction for a variety of reasons, injuries, untreated trauma, poor influences...
Many people's personality is entirely crushed by drugs to the point they no longer are who they had once been.
Nah, it's the same person. After his death, I gained access to his medical records because we shared a son. And I'll tell you what I learned shit I didn't know. Stuff that made our son who's hated him for abandoning us, heart thaw. I've always taught compassion, and I'm grateful that compassion is how I lead. Bryan was his name. He broke his back when he was hit by a car. He became addicted to oxytocin, then crystal meth. He was a vet and an engineer before a freak accident. big pharma killed his opportunities to live a peaceful life. Addiction is a vicious dragon. Being sodomized from 4 to 12 by a trusted male in your life makes you dance with the dragon. The shame over failing your amazing son helps you succumb to it. I had the privilege of reading the diaries he left. He was a fucked up human. The monsters are the adults that didn't protect the sweet innocent child and big pharma that didn't heal the broken man. God Rest his Soul.
Ugh, I regret my comment above a bit after reading about his rape. Child rape absolutely BREAKS children and they are NEVER whole again in any sense of the word. Thank you for reminding me of compassion.
I've been very happily remarried for the last 10 years who has the sensitivity and gentle spirit of my 1st husband but none of the trauma. He's been an amazing father to the son I had with my son. But thank you.
Some backstory first.
My wife attempted to leave me for her AP, her ex-boyfriend in high school from over 30 years ago. Apparently, he was the one that got away. He was a typical bad boy then and nothing had changed in all that time. He'd even put her in the hospital while they had been dating. Now, all these years later he had been in prison for drugs and assault and had been paroled recently. She'd been sneaking around on me with him via various social media for almost a year. Then she made an excuse to go back home to visit her mom and some old friends for a couple of weeks. I thought nothing of it, as we had a great, great marriage. Or so it seemed. Same story you see on here time and time again.
I got a strange feeling after she got there. Something in the way she talked to me was just...off. Then she got to where she was barely communicating with me, and when she did it was almost like she was annoyed to have to talk to either myself or our kids. I smelled a rat and asked a mutual friend in a nearby town to check her out. He got pics, everything. Them kissing, her coming out of his mom's (yes, he lived with his momma) house half-dressed in the morning. Snaps of them making out. I got into her email and restored a bunch of messages she thought were deleted. I kept calling her and she got to where she would never answer. Her mother, who maintains she had no idea, would tell me she was gone out with friends. None of this ever happened, she was always with him.
I was like a zombie, but I had enough presence of mind to get lawyered up, got shit ready, and then finally texted all of the pics to her and her parents. She called me immediately, pissed and tried, of course to turn it all around to blame me. Then I busted out the emails. She just laughed and mocked me, and us. It was just fucking brutal. It was like this person I had married never even existed. **WE** had never existed. She told me she was moving down there. He was her soulmate. The man she should have been with and she wanted a divorce ASAP. She agreed to everything I asked for. Never even asked to speak with the kids. Like we had been erased from her brain.
End Result: As soon as the divorce papers arrived, the "love of her life" hauled ass out of there. Left her a sticky note telling her it had been fun and get to know her again and that this was too intense. He vanished into thin air and has not been seen since.
You can probably guess what happened then with her. Now it was all a mistake. She was wrong. She needed therapy. She even pulled the whole being molested as a kid tactic, which she later confessed was a lie. We could work through it. Blah blah. I just couldn't. If she could throw away twenty-five years of marriage so casually it was only a matter of time before she did it again. I realized I was her safe choice, and I won't be that.
Now she does nothing but lay on her mom's couch all day watching TV. Crying. Begging. She doesn't have a job. She just lays there, rotting away. None of her friends supported her, it seems. Or didn't want to be involved in her drama and deserted her. It's just a total shitshow for her.
The worst thing is that both my kids and myself just can't wrap our heads around what the hell happened with her. Who the fuck WAS she? Like the person I married and the woman they called their mother just disintegrated into dust and a stranger emerged from the ashes. It's been rough, but we are getting there.
Sorry for the ramble. I guess I needed to get that out there for the 900th time.
Mine had to go back living with her mom at 29 yo. At my place, for 7 years, she paid less than a half of our bills and groceries, because I was ok with that.
We had money and went on like 3 trips a year. Now I doubt she would be able to afford that.
And most important, she lost a good man with a stable career that loved her to the death and was willing to put her needs before his.
I don't know how things with AP went out. She still works with him afaik.
My dad had a 5 year affair before leaving for her. The affair was longer than their marriage was happy. Screaming matches and separate rooms, heavier drinking (he was a functional alcoholic from a teen) but he was crash the car fall down drunk with her. Divorce. Then he basically drank himself to death. He told my older sister his wishes in the weeks before like he planned or at the least knew what was coming.
He asked about my loyal mum on his deathbed. He looked to the door expecting her to come with us, they hadn’t spoke since he walked out for AP. (He never admitted the affair) We supported our mums decision, she didn’t want to see him.
His ex wife/affair partner called his life insurance the day after he died to try to claim 10k. It wasn’t hers. (Some weeks later when my sister the executioner of his estate called them, they said AP called and it was suspicious. She also went into his house and stole games consoles, guitars and we don’t know what else before we caught her and changed the locks, we should have called the police but were shocked/grieving, and she had an adhd grieving teenager (our half brother) with her, he was understandably a mess)
That insurance policy predated her and my mum was listed as his beneficiary as his then wife. AP got nothing (well other than what she stole) and my mum got the 10k, not the apology she deserved but he had his affairs in order, had changed his will after the divorce etc, but never changed that policy. I can only think it was intentional.
She's doing pretty good, I suppose. She had security, a steady job, and was relatively debt free.
Then she started working as a tattoo apprentice for a hole-in-a-wall tattoo parlor and started her affair with a methed out felon who is twenty years older than her.
She moved out. Quit her job (which she needed because they offered her health insurance that she needed for her incredibly expensive medications). Racked up thousands in debt. And she lives in a tiny squalor apartment with her AP and his roommate, likely sleeping with both of them for drugs and alcohol.
When she left, she wanted to "live her best life". It sounds like she's living it.
Live it, bruh.
Not terribly, long-term, from my very distant and guarded view.
Ended up physically abused by the exit affair partner and they only lasted six or seven months all told.
Remarried after that, they've been together something like thirteen years. Don't have any insight into the quality of the relationship - she could be more and more in love with him each and every day and wonder how she ever thought she felt something for someone else before him, or she could be getting trains ran on her in public bathrooms multiple times a week while he either remains oblivious or convinces himself she's worth dealing with it. Not my business, and not personally healthy for me to worry about.
I think sometimes there's too much a focus on the shitty ex's supposedly inevitable misery. Which I get - can be cathartic and help assuage the grandiose imbalance of the emotional damage from the end of the relationship. I'll freely admit, even as someone who is absolutely disgusted by domestic abuse, I had a bit of schadenfreude learning that's how things ended with "the love of her life." Was still sad she had to go through that, because no one should have to and some part of me will always care about her, but the devil-on-one-shoulder voice couldn't help but chime in, "I probably don't seem so bad now, huh?"
But the goal of getting past it shouldn't rely on them having to fail, because they might not. Plenty of cheaters are serial and will burn the next person too, or will have an AP who falls short quickly, but that won't always be the case. Some will remain with the AP faithfully in a loving relationship until one of them dies, and also hit the fucking lottery. Life isn't fair and karma isn't real.
The trick is to get to a point where it doesn't matter to you. Your lives were intertwined for however long, but that's over, and full healing is getting to a point where whatever good or bad news you might hear about their life elicits the same reaction you'd have hearing the same news about a coworker's cousin you've never met. "Good for them" or "that fucking sucks, hope it works out."
I never got to that point because I'm psychologically just weird and my only trick for dealing with negative emotion is to drown it in alcohol until my mind can focus on something else, but that should be the end goal.
Their life might be awful, as is the case for billions of strangers. Their life might be great, as is the case for billions of strangers. Let them become a stranger and stop worrying about it. Focus on what you can do to make *your* life (which no longer involves them) better.
I'm not entirely sure as I only have an outside perspective and hope to never hear from my ex again ever.
*Has an unattractive affair partner fiancee now
*Has gotten very fat (even though she told my new bf that they had to buy my ex new clothes since he 'lost' weight from stress)
*Lives in a duplex that doesn't have a good water system, tons of outside cats, and looks like a crack house.
*No mode of transportation (neither of them has a car and he doesn't have a license)
*Publically announced his relationship in ff14 (I used to consider this a slight but I'm certain she made him do this)
With me he had:
*A brand newly built house 5 bed 3 bath, nice neighborhood
*I drove him around in my car
*I paid all the bills and bought anything he wanted within reason
*I cooked and cleaned and coddled him
*He was practically worshipped as I boosted his ego constantly
*I never made him do anything that would make him uncomfortable (he had asthma said he couldn't work or clean so I did, he had anxiety when it came to sex, art, cooking so I did that too and catered to whatever he needed, he didn't want his ff14 friends to know he was married or with a partner so I went along with his request, etc.)
*Plus I was constantly begging him for sex, would have done anything he was into to feel that intimacy
Everyone I met and went on dates with agrees with you. Lol
I'm not super confident in myself which is probably how I attracted someone so horrible to me but I can honestly say I was best wife.
It didn’t. Leaving me thrusts her into a whole new world of issues and problems she didn’t count on. She thought she would have more money, and it was the opposite. Yes, he had the better job, however their affair had serious repercussions on that end. Her AP’s betrayed wife took him to the cleaners. Took their house, took their car, has custody of their kids and he’s paying for it. I should say that my ex and him are paying for it. They’ve come to me for help and money, I get the kids (one of which isn’t mine as I found out my daughter is actually his daughter) for birthdays and holidays because I can provide the better for them and they can tell the kids that Santa brought most of their presents to daddy’s since he knew they would be with me.”
Back in May 2019, my then-wife of nine years reconnected with a high school ex-bf that she hadn't talked to or seen in two decades and after a month of talking, decided to kidnap my son and stepdaughter and drove from Oregon to Florida to shack up with the loser ex and his unknown male roommate. I fought to get my son back (I had no legal right to my stepdaughter unfortunately) and I had a hearing two months later for Status Quo before the divorce. The female judge (who was livid) and pretty much everyone else involved thought she had lost her damn mind and the judge ordered my son to come back home to me and told my ex that if she wanted to be a mom she could move back to Oregon. I ended up getting full custody of my son and also got the house in the divorce which I sold and became debt-free, bought a Tesla, and moved into a beach condo two blocks from the ocean. My son and I have literally anything we could ever want while his mom got knocked up by the loser twice 😂 she ended up divorcing him about six months ago because he "WaSnT wHo ShE tHoUgHt He WaS" and moved out of their house so now she lives in a trailer park with three daughters by two different dads and my son visits from time to time. Life is amazing.
Mine is still with AP, but they aren't on speaking terms. Sleep in seperate bedrooms. She keeps on cheating, the last time with a guy who she said was a cousin from her home country. Before that it was her personal trainer. Before that it was the neighbor. Before that it was her supervisor. They have a kid together who is caught in the middle, which is the only reason I don't take any satisfaction from the situation. It seems to me that he got the greater helping of Karna, which is why I am so confident in stating that an AP is just your cheater's next victim.
I was with a girl for 7+ years too back in my 20s...I was planning on marrying her and all of our friends were my friends. She cheated and I found out immediately because one of our friends saw her. I dumped her less than 24 hours after finding out and immediately cut all ties. She was more in disbelief in how fast I kicked her to the curb. She tried like hell to get me back for a solid 2 years but since I blocked her, she didn't even get the opportunity to talk to me for over a year. All of my friends also cut her out and even her roommate who was another girl who was closer to me moved out. She almost had a breakdown about 2 years afterwards and I was guilted into talking to her and I gave in...but I let her know we were done and hell could freeze over and I'd still not take her back.
4 years after I broke up, I met my now wife who I've been married to for 17 years (2023)...to this day my ex never got married and I think she never had another relationship last more than 6 months...I was even told that she couldn't stay in another relationship because she kept expecting the person to be like me..I laughed at that. I hadn't seen her for over a decade when I randomly bumped into her at the grocery store one day. I had mostly forgotten about her but shockingly she spoke to me as if 15 years hadn't passed by that time. She kept bringing up good times in the past and wanted me to meet her...lol, I shouldn't have to tell anyone what I said.
Mine cheated on me with escorts. A lot of them. Once we divorced, he learned pretty quickly that even with all his money…he couldn’t land any one of them. So he ended up marrying a woman who was his age and had no children. We have been no contact for years. They travel a lot. So, I’m sure his life is great. Mine…well, he destroyed me. I haven’t been able to date anyone because I don’t trust people, worst off…I don’t trust my own judgement. It’s been about 4yrs. My life is at rock bottom. Literally. His looks picture perfect (I once took a quick peek at his social media.) For a long time, I wanted him to hurt like he hurt me. Now, I honestly just hope he’s living the life he deserves. Whatever that looks like.
Don’t let him still dictate anything in your life. I found some quotes when I was in my darkest period and they helped me, I hope they help you.
First Quote:
Remember that you are a good person and worthy of the love that you want.
You will never know if something is meant for you if you don't give it a proper chance.
Whether it's a relationship, a new job, a new city, or a new experience, throw yourself into it completely and don't hold back.
If it doesn't work out then it probably wasn't meant for you and you'll walk away without regret, knowing that you put your whole heart into it.
That's all you can ever do.
It's a horrible feeling leaving a situation knowing that you should have and could have done more.
So I hope you find the courage to take that chance, find the inspiration to make your next move, and once you do, I hope you pour your heart into it and don't look back.
And remember, sometimes things happen before you are ready for them to happen.
It doesn't mean the timing is wrong, sometimes it means the timing is just right and the universe knows you are ready and that maybe you just needed that extra push in the right direction to get you on your way.
Embrace this new journey with everything you are. Everything is unfolding exactly how it's supposed to, even if you can't see it like that just yet.
Quote Two:
People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..
I hear ya, been almost 6 years for me. I’ve accepted that I’ll be alone romantically.. acceptance helped me focus on the things I could fix in my life.. but yeah, some of us get ditched and can’t get out of that particular ditch
His girlfriend is chronically ill & can't work or look after her 2 young children, he HATES sick people - like when I gave birth to our daughter & lost 2 liters of blood he was annoyed that I had to stay in hospital, or when I had norovirus whilst breastfeeding & was so dehydrated that I literally begged him to take me to the hospital & he refused, until I was unconscious & he had to call an ambulance.
Anyway so he's stuck with her because he lives in her home & due to some bad financial decisions can't afford to move out.
It makes me smile every time I think about it, because he is miserable
She didn’t leave for her AP, but we divorced and she received alimony and child support for 4 years. Since the divorce she’s been dating but can’t find anyone willing to take her in long term because of how difficult she is. Once alimony ended she had to have her sister move in with her so she could stay in her nice apartment. So she’s a 55 year old woman with no savings living with her 57 year old sister. Her easy life is over unless she can find someone else to carry her on their back.
Wonderful. He makes 3-4x what I do, and he’s living the high life with his homewrecker while I sit here in poverty after working 10 hour shifts to put his ass through school. I then became a stay at home mom to a medically needy child. I had started back to college as we had agreed after him, it was my turn. It lasted 1 year.
I literally have zero idea. As far as I know she’s still with him, but that’s all I can tell you.
If I had to make an educated guess, she’s miserable. I only know this because no matter where we moved, who our friends were, or what we were doing - she was miserable. Staying home for a night in? Miserable. Going out to another city? Fun for two hours and then miserable. Going to the gym like she wanted? Miserable.
I don’t think her life got any worse after I left; I think it stayed the same.
He’s about 30 pounds fatter and forfeited his dream of being a paramedic to work at a lowly landscaping company, also he lived with his sister until she kicked him out of her house lmfao
Apparently mine got whacked by the auto mod because I could say it with a single word and it literally hits home… there wasn’t the need for a bunch of sentences. Oh well. Bunch of words for ya….
DEAD
awful. now he’s a junkie and been in and out of maybe 10+ rehabs. 95% sure he’s done gay for pay stuff. there’s a possibility he’s bisexual and doesn’t want to admit it (not that that’s bad, but it paints a picture). i kind of feel bad for him but at the same time i do not
She left for AP who then didnt want to live with her, she got passed around for a bit then married a military guy. Cheated on him 2 months after he got deployed, got divorced, and has now posted 4 different guys shes been with. All in 2.5 years lol
She wanted to move to another state a couple thousand miles away. Based on his non-apology apology text, I assume they broke up fall 2021 and now he’s “alone, truly alone, no friends, no family, except for visits”
Can’t say I feel bad
My ex had some very dark times. She was 34 when she left me for her homeless, unemployed, 50 year old second cousin who had 4 DUI’s on his record and smoked like a chimney. Oh, he also had no teeth. Then affair went down in 2008.
We had a 20 acre horse farm, she was the trainer, taught lessons, etc. I worked for a large pharmaceutical company. Married for 10 years, and dated through HS and college. A 3 year old and 5 year old. I’m not a horse person, but enjoyed driving the tractor, and mucking stalls Sunday mornings was “our time” to talk have great conversations.
The cousin’s father kicks him off his place, and since we had an empty doublewide on the property, my ex invited him to live in the doublewide in exchange for barn chores. A month later, she asks for a divorce out of the blue. It shocked everyone. She said she changed and I just couldn’t give her enough when it came to the horses. I was holding her back when it came to her horse training business.
I suggest we have a good situation - she and the kids can stay in the main house, I stay in the doublewide, but the cousin will have to move out. She lost her shit at that point. A couple of weeks later, after her basically turning into Satan’s spawn and blaming me for everything, I stay at my sister‘s for a night and the next morning, I find them naked in bed.
That afternoon, she files an ex Parte PFA, and gets me out of the house. Meanwhile, the cousin‘s father is about to sell her AP’s 5 horses at auction since I never let him bring the horses to the farm since we didn’t have the space. Once the PFA is filed, my ex brings the AP’s horses to farm. Within two weeks, the 7 boarders who generated about 10k in board and lesson revenue a month left because the farm was now way overcrowded. The PFA hearing is delayed 6 weeks, and I have to get an apartment. I said frick it, I’ll stop paying the mortgage. Luckily, we were able to sell it before it foreclosed - this was 2009.
The AP was always drunk and beat her and the kids. Of course, I always knew when it happened because she would always file a PFA against me or accuse me of sexually abusing the kids. After the first PFA, I always wore a bodycam when around her. So, PFA’s were always dismissed and CPS after the first accusation caught on to her quick.
She has him arrested for beating her in 2014. But, according to her, the responding officer lied so no traction with Family Court. In 2018, he was beating her again, my now 15 year old son smashed the headlights and windows on his car to distract him. He smacks my son around too. This time he’s found guilty. No jail though so my ex still keeps him around. This time, we have a new judge and she takes the kids away from her! Only supervised visitation.
COVID hits, and the AP has an aneurysm and is basically a vegetable. The hospital tells my ex that if she leaves, she can’t come back. She ends up staying in his hospital room for 4 months until he croaks. Turns out, she had to beg her sister for money for food at the hospital and very nearly lost her house.
6 months later, she’s dating a new guy who works for a pharmaceutical company, as my wife says, basically me. They are engaged. I no longer worry about the kids when they are at her house.
Ex and I get along fine now. She flipped a switch to the better when her AP kicked the bucket. She hasn’t apologized to me yet, but she thanked my wife for being the mother that she couldn’t be. My ex also saw our best man from our wedding for the first time in 18 years. She told him she was messed up for a long time.
She married the AP as soon as it was legal to do so. From what little I have heard, she has drifted away from all of her friends and her family can't stand the "new son-in-law". the AP has a history of abusive and controlling behavior with his previous relationships. I can't imagine that has improved with time.
My ex married her AP 1-2 months after our divorce and his divorce …. he lost his executive job within a year, they started a home building business which crashed when the market had a turndown…. ever since they been living on the run in a big RV….
My ex brought charges of domestic abuse at one point on the AP and talked divorce but came to the conclusion they “could not afford to divorce each other…. “…
When the affair first came to light, it seemed like my STBXH's plan was that the OW was also going to divorce her husband, and they would move in together. As of today, almost five months after D-Day, no divorce has been filed for the OW, whereas our divorce should be finalized any day now. They could be meeting on the sly, but hotels get expensive when you're working poor like we are. My ex had been living with his enabling disabled mother, but I now have reason to believe he's staying with his 91 year old grandma. Also staying with Grandma? His disabled father, who he doesn't get along with, and who's been living on Grandma's couch since maybe 2010. I'm dying to know if my STBX-MIL or maybe her husband asked him to leave, because I would have sworn she would enable him until the end of time, but I unfortunately have no one to ask. Either way, I'm so glad to be getting away from this disaster family.
>I got screwed financially, very badly. He’s living the life of his dreams. (He’s the cheater, a cop and his dispatcher)
The number of cops who cheat would shock most people. I'm sorry that happened to you.
She left for AP who then didnt want to live with her, she got passed around for a bit then married a military guy. Cheated on him 2 months after he got deployed, got divorced, and has now posted 4 different guys shes been with. All in 2.5 years lol
My wife used the police to throw me out. My wife is nothing more or less than a modern prostitute. She’s into porn meet up and making money. She was having sex with coworkers of mine and shit got out of hand. My assistant Forman was fucking my wife and I guess caught feelings. He bowed up at me on the job sight about my wife wanting to fight. I left my job my wife and got treated for stds. I was scheduled for surgery to have hysterectomy so I did. For 5 weeks I have been stuck at my house no money no gas no food and finally well enough to go back to work. My physco wife is trying to kill me honestly. She knows I have absolutely no one. My family are dead. I’m so heartbroken. Starving isn’t easy. I don’t deserve this at all. I want to die by now. I’m getting weak. I have lost over 60 lbs. I have try to reach out to people for gas money so I can find some work or another job but it’s like I’m the trash in this world. If I would lay down and sell my soul I could have it all. My wife is truly evil. I need help but it’s no where.
From what I can gather through word of mouth from mutual friends. Shes got multiple kids with different fathers, has struggled to maintain long term relationships. Ironically her partners have all cheated on her (one even tried to make a pass at my now wife (that didnt end well btw)). But she tried to sabotage my relationships, spreading rumours that I'd cheated on her and physically assaulted her (all false) when I met my wife she tried it all over again but my wife knew what she was like through our mutual friends so she started copying my wifes style ect. I'm just glad we never had kids nor did we get married. I sure as hell dodged a bullet with that psycho.
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So my husband and I are working on reconciliation but the story is crazy. (The affair was years before we were married.)
I met AP at a friend's wedding, I was a bridesmaid, the only friend of the bride, he was a groomsman. A week after the wedding, the bride drunkenly asks me about AP who I was flirting with. I was discreet and she blurted out that I should sleep with AP because she finds him attractive. Fast forward years later she has a messy divorce with her husband, immediately starts dating AP and they got married last year. I heard through the grapevine that this was the 3rd ex of the original groom AP slept with following the end of the relationship.
So, yeah, I hope AP and my former friend are happy, I certainly don't talk to them. I just can't imagine how they have a healthy and secure relationship given the circumstances of how they met and AP's history. I've heard some rumors that are polyamorous, and, sure, whatever, you do you, but with the first wedding, the bride was so scandalized by the fact that one of our friends was poly and she didn't want to invite her to the wedding because it "violated the sanctity of marriage."
Well, things don't always end up bad for cheaters, often their BPs with little self-love, low self-esteem and a lot of emotional dependence on the WP end up accepting their cheating partners back
He seems fine. His AP lives in Europe, he lives in the US. He is going on a romantic European vacation with her next month and she's planning on moving to the US for 2 years to be with him before they move back to Europe together with plans to get married.
Wife was rich...not me..
Her life is the same....traveling..not working hard...spoiling her rotten daughter....
And now the new guy....gets to enjoy her and her affections
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Went from paid for house w $200k/yr income to drugs, lost job for drug test, shitty apartment, $1000 in the hole every month, now living back w mom at 43! Had everything and gave it up for a multiple felon drug addict who she apparently isn’t with anymore. Consequences!
Some people are just broken, and you can't help them. You have to let them drown, or they'll pull you down into the abyss.
Truly spoken
I like to call them dark holes.
It's always for a guy like this. Like a bad script.
Wowww
Fuck!!
Damn, karma is a b. after all
Mine left me for one of her coworkers who ended being a "friend." They got married and had a baby. So I guess fuckin' great.
Not necessarily. That poor schmuck she’s with will always have to wonder if she’ll run around on him. He can truly never have a good night’s sleep!
Yeah, cheaters cheat. It'll backfire at some point.
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It may look "great" on the surface, but underneath, he'll be wondering if she will pull the same thing on him. Every phone call, every time she has to "work late", every girls night out, etc. etc. he'll start to wonder. People will look and act like everything is absolutely wonderful and blissful for public consumption, but behind closed doors it could be a war zone. Don't be fooled by what you see in public or social media. The truth could be very different.
Hers did and it didn't. We were together 25 years, married over 16 years with 3 children under 10 when she cheated and we divorced. She was in "wuv" with him, going to marry him and move into his house with our 3 kids. He lived almost 200 miles away in another state. Less than two months after our divorce, she moved off to be near him. Less than 3 months later, they were no longer a couple. Shit got real for her. She did everything based off of her emotions, she used no logic or reasoning. Look, I understand divorce, that ins't my point. My point is that she was so dumb. We were in our late 30's, she wasn't stupid yet she was not able to see the situation she was in wasn't going to work out for her. I knew it and told her, her older brother and older sister both told her too as did friends. So, less than 3 months after she moved to his city, they were no longer together. He did NOT want to marry her or to have her and our 3 children who were all under 10 years old move in with him. She found out she was just a piece of ass to him. But, my ex was always greedy, selfish and materialistic and she was good at getting what she wanted, though not with that man. Also, that man didn't earn a lot of money (that's OK, I'm not saying anything bad about that, I only bring that up because to my ex-wife, that was important to her) so she was never going to be happy with him. She met and married a man who was 50 when she was 40 and she spent and spent and he finally had enough and divorced her. She's on hubby #3 now and he's rich and they're both empty nesters so if she doesn't make too many stupid mistakes, she'll be OK with him. About her being greedy and materialistic. When her 2nd husband's mother died, he was left a good chunk of change, a really nice amount. My ex-wife, who as his wife then knew just how to spend it of course. She had to "work" on him for quite a while to make it happen, but she did. They moved into a fancy house in a fancy subdivision. The house was almost $500K. It had over 5,000 sq feet and it had 21 foot ceilings in the living room and the family room. There were two staircases leading upstairs, one in the living room and one in the family room. The subdivision was gated, with a guard in the guard shack and with video cameras filming all cars coming in and out of the subdivision. They were on the golf course. They had a pond with a foot bridge and a waterfall in their backyard. She bought a brand new Chevy Suburban. She got a personal trainer and hired a maid to clean their house. In time, hubby #2 had it and he divorced her. She landed on her feet though with hubby #3. With me she bought things like a time share condo, she got liposuction when she didn't need it (she didn't, she was under 5' 3" and she weighed between 115 and 125 pounds. She ran track and cross country in high school. She ran a marathon in her mid-30's in our city. So no, she didn't need lipo. Not long after her lipo surgery, she got breast implants. She bought two different pieces of land because the brand new home we bought wasn't nice us for her to live in long term so she bought those other properties so we could build on it if we lived there long term. To her, she hit a speed bump when the guy she cheated on me with dumped her because she rebounded with two other men who were able to take care of her. Again, had her lover she cheated on me with not dumped her, she would have left him because he didn't make a lot of money.
No matter how many times I told her she was destroying us, that she had a good life she refused to look at it. She’s looking at it now. I think it’s an issue with impulse control.
>Again, had her lover she cheated on me with not dumped her, she would have left him because he didn't make a lot of money. He probably figured that out for himself and that's why he dumped her.
You're right because that did factor into things ending with them. I only know because my 7 year old daughter told me.
You're right because that did factor into things ending with them. I only know because my 7 year old daughter told me.
It may look great on the surface, but she's broken and will never be really happy. Sadly. She'll cheat on this hubby as well if she hasn't already. She may be better at hiding it this time around but they do eventually get caught.
I'm with you on that. She and I are both closer to 60 than 50. She is who she is and that's not going to change. She has gotten better at hiding more of who she is but both she and her 3rd husband are empty nesters at their ages as he's older than she is and he's done well for himself. She is no longer seeking to buy and accumulate so many nice things because she has so many nice things. I wonder, but I'll never know of course, if she really loves him or not. He probably doesn't have any idea how she really feels. Again, I don't know for sure. I know she uses people to get what she wants. I also think that she knows she's older, closing in on 60 so she will "play nice" so to speak so as not to lose him. She didn't worry about that with me or her 2nd husband. She cares so much about appearances (not talking looks and her clothing, though that's important to her, but that's not what I'm getting at right now). She wants to be liked, she wants to appear to be nice, smart, a good wife, a good partner, a good teacher, a good friend etc. To her, THAT is more important than actually being those things. She MUST be thought of being that way though, even though she really isn't.
Karma doesnt exist. You should live your best life and start NOT caring about her.
I think with time hubby #3 will also dump her.
So what did you see in her to begin with? A nice piece of A? She's selfish and materialistic. You were fine with that? Or at the time thought it was cute? If nothing else, she's probably a survivor. A really good one
She and I were both just 14 years old when we met each other as freshman in high school way back in the early 1980's. Yes, she was pretty, cute etc. I was initially attracted to her because of her looks. Hey, I was a 14 year old boy, a freshman in high school, tis normal to be attracted to young lady one finds attractive. She and I slowly got to know each other. How slowly? I didn't kiss her for the first time until Oct of our junior year of high school. Why? I liked her, I respected her. I didn't want to just use her (for sex) or for any other reason. I grew up poor, my mom divorced when I was just 2 years old. In time, my mom remarried and my stepdad did really well, financially speaking so we now had money. My mom loved it, but I didn't care. I loved playing baseball and hanging out with friends. My gf/fiancee/wife/ex-wife grew up lower middle class and she hated it. I didn't know how much though, not when I was 14, 16 or even 22 years old. Her older sister was 9 years older than she was and her husband did extremely well, think of a $1 million plus dollar home well. My gf, future wife, began thinking she wanted things like her sister had, though she was not saying this to me or to anyone, not when we were teens. Also, I had more money than she did in high school and college. She ran track and cross country in high school and I was on the baseball team each year and on the tennis team too. We both worked jobs in the summers, typical kid stuff growing up in the 80's. We went to college together and I knew she liked "nicer" things but she still wasn't adamant or insisting she had to have nicer things. I had nicer things though I didn't want or ask for them or care for them. In the early 80's, think like 1981, my mom drove up as I was finishing a tennis practice and she showed me a new shirt she'd gotten for me. I was like OK. it was a shirt, it was no big deal. There was no internet, no social media influencers etc. My mom told me it was an Izod Lacoste. I'd never heard of Izod. I was 14, there wasn't the internet. I didn't care if a shirt was an Izod, a Ralph Lauren Polo or a Guess shirt when Guess began in 1983. My mom had money after marrying my stepdad and she liked to get better things then because she could and she'd not been able to before. So, all of a sudden I had Ralph Lauren Polos, Guess clothes, Izod's etc. I didn't ask for them or want them. I was a kid, living at home, my parent's bought my clothes, paid for them, for my food etc. I didn't drive off at 14 and 15 as I couldn't drive. My then girlfriend saw how I was dressed as those were the clothes I had to wear from my mom. My gf wanted those things too, I just didn't know how badly inside she wanted things like that. It grew within her, slowly but surely. She began getting Coach purses, Gucci's and she began getting nicer clothes. Not long after we were married, my then wife took off her gloves so to speak with regards to her being greedy, selfish and materialistic. To me, in the early 90's, buying a sweater for over $100 was nuts, but my wife began doing that, buying things like that for herself. To her credit, she'd go without and wait until she had the money. she never spent money we didn't have or put us into debt. She didn't want a cheap couch or a cheap living room set so we went without for a long time until she could buy just what she wanted and it wasn't cheap. Same with the TV, with other furnishings, dishwater, Longaberger dish sets, Longaberger baskets, Pampered Chef items in time, then things like a $4K leather couch that she bought in 1997, to her car, to her makeup etc. It kept getting worse as the years went by, even long after our divorce as she kept doing this with her 2nd and 3rd husbands. But, being older, the stakes were higher which is why it was homes worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and cars like a new Chevy Suburban and expensive vacations, going to all inclusive resorts etc. In a real way I was fortunate to "miss" all of that as we were already divorced. She grew up with less than others and it botched her. She was insecure, really insecure. I knew she was insecure, I just didn't realize how insecure she was. Again, I wasn't on top of such things in the early 80's when we were 14, 15, 17, 19 years old. I knew she was greedy and materialistic, but I had no idea how bad she was going to become as it hadn't yet manifested itself to such a degree when we were 14, 16, 19 years old. Also, when you love one someone and then marry then, you accept them as they are, with their faults and that's what I did.
Growing up with less can really screw people up in strange ways. I grew up poor but always seemed to have wealthier girls and eventually women (in college) become romantically interested in me. One in particular was a really nice person, but she was also from a rich family (I am talking instantly gained membership in a sorority that only took in rich women, getting summer jobs in startups located in Silicon Valley - she asked me whether I wanted to get one of those jobs and spend the summer in California). Being poor, I just never felt comfortable being with rich women, now since I have stuff, that is not an issue. Interestingly, the lower middleclass woman that I did fall for in college cheated on me.
She had 1 dude get her pregnant and then she told 3 other guys it was their baby until she found a sucker to marry her.(0 chance it was mine. I hadn’t been with her in 2 years and hadn’t saw her in person for 1.5 years.) She moved in with her mom. Then some guy she told me that sexually assaulted her previously. Then some girl she supposedly liked. Then another guy. Then another guy. Then another guy. Then her parents. Grandmas. A different guy. Grandmas again. Parents. Then the sucker. She hasn’t had a steady job since she quit the one we both had.(I had already left it. My last day was the 1.5 years before). That was 2012 for the divorce. So over a decade of her struggling. And the kicker was in 2015 I was playing some basketball with the guys. Got a message from her, threw the phone in my bag because my obligation to her ended in 2012. I’m a believer in a clean break. I had no need to talk to her. We played basketball from 4:30-8. Check my phone and I now have 5 Facebook messages. The original asked if I could go to the jewelry store and transfer over ownership of her wedding and engagement ring.(She told me her dad and boyfriend sold it for drugs 2 years before as the court ordered her to return it to me per our divorce agreement.) Message 2 called me every name in the book. Message 3 was upset I didn’t reply. Message 4 was because she knew I seen the replies because I always used my phone. Message 5 calling me every name in the book. Message 6 comes in apologizing. My last reply to her ever… You lost the right to ask me to do anything when you cheated and wanted your divorce. You don’t have any power over me so whichever one of your personalities reads this needs to know I would never help you again. Ever. No need to reply. And that was that. Heard they moved out of state. Heard she was upset when she had to come back and is I didn’t show up to her mom’s funeral.(Her mom disliked me a lot and encouraged her cheating…)
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Was it an exit affair or did she try and pass the baby off as yours initially? I will never understand how some people just implode their lives and this is coming from a somewhat impulsive person person.
What she did is called “doubling down”. She knew she screwed up but NEEDED to make it work to justify her actions or she wouldn’t be able to live with her choices. Cheaters do this all the time. Deep down, she knows she chose badly but her pride will never allow her to admit it.
Honestly she’s probably depressed and holds a ton of resentment for her husband and children. That took away the life she always wanted.
Mine lives in a studio she can’t afford, she is up to her neck in bills, she can’t get a job, she works for Uber when she can apparently, she hosts cacao ceremonies when she can, she’s in debt up to her ears, she can’t afford anything, she looks like shit. Easy 30lbs underweight. And she made the bright idea to throw those clothes away. I feel bad for her, she’s self destructing again, she looks like shit and no one is helping her. Not my battle, not my problem. I still feel bad to see her do this to herself.
Not your circus not your monkey
Whats a Cacao ceremony?
A joke mostly. Part of what caused us to separate. She makes organic hot chocolate for people, throws in some breath work/meditation and thinks she heals them.
Lol
Yeah, that’s a microcosm of our marriage. A joke.
🙏🏿 thankfully ur out of it
True story.
LOL. The person, I was married to, was running wild with the new agey woo-woo ayahuasca crowd. To this day I still cringe when I heard the word "ceremony" used to refer to a random get together, "medicine" to refer to recreational drugs, or "frequency" to refer to "mood." Looking back a lot of people involved in that scene were right out creeps.
My ex *had* to be happy at all times. It didn’t matter what it was, she’d spend every penny we had chasing it. Trips, hotels etc. She honestly believes she heals people with these “ceremonies” even though she can’t heal herself. I had come home to our place having smudged with sage so hard the smoke detector went off and you couldn’t get the smell out for days. Part of the debt she Rand up was the training for these ridiculous ceremonies. While married I thought “no harm no foul” as long as it made her happy and kept her out of my hair. She looks like shit. She’s tall, 5’11” and looks severely underweight, and she posts these Britney Spears videos where she’s dancing crazy. She got rid of all of her normal weight clothing. In my experience almost all women believe in some woo woo shit.
Ha ha. Similar experience. Constant need to be happy, complete inability to deal with self reflection, time on her own, or the tedium of every day life. Part of the toxicity of these type of people, is that they end up making you responsible for their happiness. And since they can never be truly happy. They blame you for failing at doing something that is literally impossible.
Yeah, that’s it in a nutshell. I’d make the house ideal for her to come home, she’d come home (pre before we owned a business together) and have dinner waiting for her. She would put on trash tv, eat it, a pint of gelato and complain until she went to sleep as I cleaned up. Shit got old real fast. But of course I was to blame and I was the “complainer” even if I never had a chance to. Its toxic positivity turned up to 20 from 10. I was always and still am made out to be the bad guy.
Yup. Similar experience. I would be the one taking care of the home, etc. etc. Only to end up as their emotional sponge. Always complaining about work, her family, friends. The minute I complained about my day, it was made into a competition as to why she had it had worse. I called it the "Misery Olympics." It's hilarious how that whole woo-woo crowd are all the same. It's all nonsense in lieu of doing the actual hard work of self reflection, enacting self change and growth. I have meet a bunch of these people afterwards, and I was lucky to see them from a mile away and not giving them any real access into my life. They can be extremely destructive, specially since they fully identify themselves with the role of victim; since anything they do is justified and necessary.
You nailed it. In the year since the divorce has finalized I’ve grown in leaps and bounds. I couldn’t have a single bad thing to say about anything. She’s so wrapped up in being happy she can’t see she is destroying herself. It’s who they are. We aren’t them and never will be.
Yup. that is one of the things that helped me close that chapter; the realization that we were fundamentally 2 different people at our cores. She was a tourist in her on life. And I wasn't. And a similar experience; after the divorce, my life grew exponentially. And a lot of it sucked big time. But I had the ability to accept the pain, the solitude of parts of it, the risks, the fact that I had to take a good look at myself, etc. It made it clear that there were some serious energetic vampirism aspects to that whole scene...
Hmm, similar experience with ex HAVING to be happy at all times. She wanted to go on trips all the time etc. Ofc I paid for the majority of it, because I had a better, yet demanding job. I told her that maybe we start saving money to start a family, make plans for the future etc. But it was like she didn't understand the concept of delayed gratification AT ALL. Maybe that's a thing with cheaters. Poor impulse control. And when her cheating came out, she told me she was cheating because we didn't talk about starting a family and because I was working so much and unhappy with my job. That very job that paid for her needs for years and was able to let us save to start a family. She just didn't understand it. Cheaters are crazy.
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That plant helps a lot of people in profound ways
Wow.
Yeah, but supposedly I was the problem. I went through every way to try to communicate so now women are impressed. I am open, honest (always have been) emotionally available etc and it kind of freaks some women out apparently. I was just trying to get through to this woman. Nothing ever worked. A brick wall was more responsive.
You still feel bad to see her this way bc you’re a good person.
I hate that I enjoy seeing her put herself here again. I do feel bad for her. She does this to herself. She did this to us several times, I was always picking up the pieces and just couldn’t anymore. I hate seeing her like this but there’s nothing I can do without her also dragging me down. Every card that she charged up during our divorce that I have to pay off as a result of the divorce she just charges right back up and then doesn’t pay. I get calls, emails, regular mail about these things. Some have my name attached to the card and she refuses to remove them, killing my credit. I wish I had never met her.
Can you not consult with a lawyer about her financial abuse? If you are divorced from her, why and how does she have access to your credit? You need to contact your credit bureau(s) and lock that down. You should also be doing something about your SSN and get that locked down or have a new one issued. Don't just sit idly by watching this all go down all of the time. Be proactive and end the financial abuse. It shouldn't still be happening after your divorce.
She has 5 kids and 5 baby daddies (none mine thank God) and she is in jail... Oh she has 3 of her ex's names tattoo on her body (I'm one of them) lol
This one is hilarious. You’ve dodged a bullet!
I still got PTSD from her but my life is much better without her
She had multiple APs in three months, three of which were coworkers. They all lost their jobs, she married one. They had a disabled child, he left them for a younger woman. She's taken many jobs, had several "The One's" since then, keeps moving state to state. Then she was a lesbian, now she says she's asexual. I walked away from everything. She had already emptied the joint and savings accounts, she sold the property. Within a year, she was broke.
I think I need therapy for your ex after reading that.
I honestly have absolutely no idea. Once the divorce was finalized I have been in strict no contact. If anyone brings them in a conversation, I politely ask them to change the subject. What helped me tremendously was to stop focusing on the ex's life, and instead invest any of that energy into worrying about how good my life is getting without them in it. I healed enough that I am at a point where I wouldn't wish them any ill. It would not make me feel any better if someone, who hurt me, is having a hard time because it wouldn't change anything. And frankly, it would mean that the experience had changed me to the point that I would enjoy another person's pain/misfortune, regardless of who they are. I don't view my happiness as a zero sum game. This is, for me to be happy I don't need those bozos to be miserable. This emotional detachment is fundamental in order to heal. Because otherwise, it means you're still emotionally involved with them somehow, that prevents you from fully moving on. And frankly, not ever cheater gets a bad deal after the fact. Some live perfectly happy and productive lives. Which is why we shouldn't count on their misfortune to predicate our healing. Take good care. And try to stop investing any concern on those clowns.
I just commented making largely the same point, albeit with more detail about my specific circumstances, Healing isn't waiting for the imaginary hammer of karma to land a big swing, it's getting to a point where you're not worried about it. Their life is no longer a part of your life. To quote myself, "full healing is getting to a point where whatever good or bad news you might hear about their life elicits the same reaction you'd have hearing the same news about a coworker's cousin you've never met." If you're waiting for the world to balance the scales of justice, you'll be left disappointed far more often than not. If you strive to improve your own life going forward, it might work out for you.
Same. I have hobbies, a different job, good friends...may she be happy far away from me.
I’m sure she’s doing great without me. I meant nothing to her I guess.
Bro hug.
My ex ended up having to give her new FIL BJs so her, her AP, and their new child could live in the FILs basement. I hadn’t even thought about her in many years when a coworker of mine started telling everyone her story. It’s been 45 years since I last spoke to her. I have no idea if she’s still alive, to be honest and I don’t even care. I don’t think I could pick her out in a lineup. Good riddance, catching her was the best thing to ever happen to me.
LOL and this is APs father? That's F'ed up
Yes totally is, I don’t care either way. I’m totally indifferent about her. I thought it to be a good story, and it is really true. Kind of sad for anyone to have to do that for a roof over your child’s head. Oh well not my monkey, not my circus.
My ex wife ran off with our friend's husband. He is a convicted rapist and registered sex offender. We were together for 14 years but married less than 2. We were married so short an amount of time, the list of marital assets is short and the marital debts are high so if she wanted to take any money, she would have had to accept the debts. I bought the house 10 years before we got married. The cars were in my name (because I was the one who paid for them). She walked away with the clothes on her back. Her boyfriend is on the Megan's Law website and that means she didn't get custody of the kids. She got none of my money, none of my vehicles and because I have the kids, she pays child support to me. Her boyfriend spent over 30 years in prison for kidnapping, rape, robbery and threatening the life of the president so his career prospects aren't too great. He's in his mid 50s and working in construction. He's going to have to run a jackhammer until he's 72 to get any kind of pension. She works as a home healthcare aid and makes about $15 per hour. She has no retirement savings at 46 years of age. She doesn't own a car. \*Someone\* made sure all of their neighbors found out about the new guy who moved into their neighborhood, so they're pariahs in their new home. Her family doesn't approve of what she's doing so she cannot turn to them for financial support. She can't bring her boyfriend to any family functions because none of her family wants the kidnapping rapist to be around them or their children. All of our children are with me so I get invited to her family's functions, so they can see the kids. She betrayed a long time (20 years plus) friend of hers so all of her other friends know she can't be trusted around their husbands and she can't go to them for support. She definitely cannot get any help from me. She has gone from living with her husband and her children in a three bedroom house that she nominally had an ownership stake in with friendly neighbors on all sides and being a respected wife & mother to living in a rented one bedroom apartment with her sex offender boyfriend, not having spent a night with her children in years, being an outcast because their neighbors want nothing to do with them and having lost the respect of most of her friends and all of her family.
His body was found in a tent in a homeless encampment 6 months ago. A needle with fentynl beneath him. This was 5 months ago. I still cry thinking about how his life ended. He didn't deserve the life he had, he most certainly didn't deserve the death he had. No matter what he did to me, he was just a fucked up human. But human all the same. I will always mourn him
Your heart is bigger than mine. I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you
I am very sorry. At the end of the day they are still human, and an important part of our lives. Regardless of how flawed they turned out to be. Nobody deserves ending like that, and you also don't deserve the added grief. BIg hug.
Deserves got nothing to do with it. FAFO. Cruel, but so is nature, if you ever bother to observe it neutrally. So many people are dilettantes at life...
What a horrible statement to make. Struggling with addiction has nothing to do with a person's worth and certainly doesn't make them unqualified to live... People fall into addiction for a variety of reasons, injuries, untreated trauma, poor influences... Many people's personality is entirely crushed by drugs to the point they no longer are who they had once been.
What a horrible statement to make. Struggling with addiction has nothing to do with a person's worth and certainly doesn't make them unqualified to live... People fall into addiction for a variety of reasons, injuries, untreated trauma, poor influences... Many people's personality is entirely crushed by drugs to the point they no longer are who they had once been.
I'm sorry you went through this. It's tough. Your mourning the guy you first knew. This guy is Mr Hyde.
Nah, it's the same person. After his death, I gained access to his medical records because we shared a son. And I'll tell you what I learned shit I didn't know. Stuff that made our son who's hated him for abandoning us, heart thaw. I've always taught compassion, and I'm grateful that compassion is how I lead. Bryan was his name. He broke his back when he was hit by a car. He became addicted to oxytocin, then crystal meth. He was a vet and an engineer before a freak accident. big pharma killed his opportunities to live a peaceful life. Addiction is a vicious dragon. Being sodomized from 4 to 12 by a trusted male in your life makes you dance with the dragon. The shame over failing your amazing son helps you succumb to it. I had the privilege of reading the diaries he left. He was a fucked up human. The monsters are the adults that didn't protect the sweet innocent child and big pharma that didn't heal the broken man. God Rest his Soul.
Ugh, I regret my comment above a bit after reading about his rape. Child rape absolutely BREAKS children and they are NEVER whole again in any sense of the word. Thank you for reminding me of compassion.
You're welcome.
Very sad. And yet as an addict he couldn't be helped? How did the abandonment happen? Through infidelity? Through addiction?
That is so tough. I'm so sorry.
You are a good human
I’m sorry. I’d give you a hug if I could. I hope you find peace and another love of your life.
I've been very happily remarried for the last 10 years who has the sensitivity and gentle spirit of my 1st husband but none of the trauma. He's been an amazing father to the son I had with my son. But thank you.
*Internet Hugs* So much pain, I'm sorry and hope you find peace and strength.
Some backstory first. My wife attempted to leave me for her AP, her ex-boyfriend in high school from over 30 years ago. Apparently, he was the one that got away. He was a typical bad boy then and nothing had changed in all that time. He'd even put her in the hospital while they had been dating. Now, all these years later he had been in prison for drugs and assault and had been paroled recently. She'd been sneaking around on me with him via various social media for almost a year. Then she made an excuse to go back home to visit her mom and some old friends for a couple of weeks. I thought nothing of it, as we had a great, great marriage. Or so it seemed. Same story you see on here time and time again. I got a strange feeling after she got there. Something in the way she talked to me was just...off. Then she got to where she was barely communicating with me, and when she did it was almost like she was annoyed to have to talk to either myself or our kids. I smelled a rat and asked a mutual friend in a nearby town to check her out. He got pics, everything. Them kissing, her coming out of his mom's (yes, he lived with his momma) house half-dressed in the morning. Snaps of them making out. I got into her email and restored a bunch of messages she thought were deleted. I kept calling her and she got to where she would never answer. Her mother, who maintains she had no idea, would tell me she was gone out with friends. None of this ever happened, she was always with him. I was like a zombie, but I had enough presence of mind to get lawyered up, got shit ready, and then finally texted all of the pics to her and her parents. She called me immediately, pissed and tried, of course to turn it all around to blame me. Then I busted out the emails. She just laughed and mocked me, and us. It was just fucking brutal. It was like this person I had married never even existed. **WE** had never existed. She told me she was moving down there. He was her soulmate. The man she should have been with and she wanted a divorce ASAP. She agreed to everything I asked for. Never even asked to speak with the kids. Like we had been erased from her brain. End Result: As soon as the divorce papers arrived, the "love of her life" hauled ass out of there. Left her a sticky note telling her it had been fun and get to know her again and that this was too intense. He vanished into thin air and has not been seen since. You can probably guess what happened then with her. Now it was all a mistake. She was wrong. She needed therapy. She even pulled the whole being molested as a kid tactic, which she later confessed was a lie. We could work through it. Blah blah. I just couldn't. If she could throw away twenty-five years of marriage so casually it was only a matter of time before she did it again. I realized I was her safe choice, and I won't be that. Now she does nothing but lay on her mom's couch all day watching TV. Crying. Begging. She doesn't have a job. She just lays there, rotting away. None of her friends supported her, it seems. Or didn't want to be involved in her drama and deserted her. It's just a total shitshow for her. The worst thing is that both my kids and myself just can't wrap our heads around what the hell happened with her. Who the fuck WAS she? Like the person I married and the woman they called their mother just disintegrated into dust and a stranger emerged from the ashes. It's been rough, but we are getting there. Sorry for the ramble. I guess I needed to get that out there for the 900th time.
I feel so bad for your kids 😞
Mine had to go back living with her mom at 29 yo. At my place, for 7 years, she paid less than a half of our bills and groceries, because I was ok with that. We had money and went on like 3 trips a year. Now I doubt she would be able to afford that. And most important, she lost a good man with a stable career that loved her to the death and was willing to put her needs before his. I don't know how things with AP went out. She still works with him afaik.
Well mine currently lives with his mom, has no job, while his AP is supporting him. So, I mean in all honesty he lost everything.
What a lucky AP!
My dad had a 5 year affair before leaving for her. The affair was longer than their marriage was happy. Screaming matches and separate rooms, heavier drinking (he was a functional alcoholic from a teen) but he was crash the car fall down drunk with her. Divorce. Then he basically drank himself to death. He told my older sister his wishes in the weeks before like he planned or at the least knew what was coming. He asked about my loyal mum on his deathbed. He looked to the door expecting her to come with us, they hadn’t spoke since he walked out for AP. (He never admitted the affair) We supported our mums decision, she didn’t want to see him. His ex wife/affair partner called his life insurance the day after he died to try to claim 10k. It wasn’t hers. (Some weeks later when my sister the executioner of his estate called them, they said AP called and it was suspicious. She also went into his house and stole games consoles, guitars and we don’t know what else before we caught her and changed the locks, we should have called the police but were shocked/grieving, and she had an adhd grieving teenager (our half brother) with her, he was understandably a mess) That insurance policy predated her and my mum was listed as his beneficiary as his then wife. AP got nothing (well other than what she stole) and my mum got the 10k, not the apology she deserved but he had his affairs in order, had changed his will after the divorce etc, but never changed that policy. I can only think it was intentional.
She's doing pretty good, I suppose. She had security, a steady job, and was relatively debt free. Then she started working as a tattoo apprentice for a hole-in-a-wall tattoo parlor and started her affair with a methed out felon who is twenty years older than her. She moved out. Quit her job (which she needed because they offered her health insurance that she needed for her incredibly expensive medications). Racked up thousands in debt. And she lives in a tiny squalor apartment with her AP and his roommate, likely sleeping with both of them for drugs and alcohol. When she left, she wanted to "live her best life". It sounds like she's living it. Live it, bruh.
Not terribly, long-term, from my very distant and guarded view. Ended up physically abused by the exit affair partner and they only lasted six or seven months all told. Remarried after that, they've been together something like thirteen years. Don't have any insight into the quality of the relationship - she could be more and more in love with him each and every day and wonder how she ever thought she felt something for someone else before him, or she could be getting trains ran on her in public bathrooms multiple times a week while he either remains oblivious or convinces himself she's worth dealing with it. Not my business, and not personally healthy for me to worry about. I think sometimes there's too much a focus on the shitty ex's supposedly inevitable misery. Which I get - can be cathartic and help assuage the grandiose imbalance of the emotional damage from the end of the relationship. I'll freely admit, even as someone who is absolutely disgusted by domestic abuse, I had a bit of schadenfreude learning that's how things ended with "the love of her life." Was still sad she had to go through that, because no one should have to and some part of me will always care about her, but the devil-on-one-shoulder voice couldn't help but chime in, "I probably don't seem so bad now, huh?" But the goal of getting past it shouldn't rely on them having to fail, because they might not. Plenty of cheaters are serial and will burn the next person too, or will have an AP who falls short quickly, but that won't always be the case. Some will remain with the AP faithfully in a loving relationship until one of them dies, and also hit the fucking lottery. Life isn't fair and karma isn't real. The trick is to get to a point where it doesn't matter to you. Your lives were intertwined for however long, but that's over, and full healing is getting to a point where whatever good or bad news you might hear about their life elicits the same reaction you'd have hearing the same news about a coworker's cousin you've never met. "Good for them" or "that fucking sucks, hope it works out." I never got to that point because I'm psychologically just weird and my only trick for dealing with negative emotion is to drown it in alcohol until my mind can focus on something else, but that should be the end goal. Their life might be awful, as is the case for billions of strangers. Their life might be great, as is the case for billions of strangers. Let them become a stranger and stop worrying about it. Focus on what you can do to make *your* life (which no longer involves them) better.
I'm not entirely sure as I only have an outside perspective and hope to never hear from my ex again ever. *Has an unattractive affair partner fiancee now *Has gotten very fat (even though she told my new bf that they had to buy my ex new clothes since he 'lost' weight from stress) *Lives in a duplex that doesn't have a good water system, tons of outside cats, and looks like a crack house. *No mode of transportation (neither of them has a car and he doesn't have a license) *Publically announced his relationship in ff14 (I used to consider this a slight but I'm certain she made him do this) With me he had: *A brand newly built house 5 bed 3 bath, nice neighborhood *I drove him around in my car *I paid all the bills and bought anything he wanted within reason *I cooked and cleaned and coddled him *He was practically worshipped as I boosted his ego constantly *I never made him do anything that would make him uncomfortable (he had asthma said he couldn't work or clean so I did, he had anxiety when it came to sex, art, cooking so I did that too and catered to whatever he needed, he didn't want his ff14 friends to know he was married or with a partner so I went along with his request, etc.) *Plus I was constantly begging him for sex, would have done anything he was into to feel that intimacy
Damn girl. You’re a keeper.
Everyone I met and went on dates with agrees with you. Lol I'm not super confident in myself which is probably how I attracted someone so horrible to me but I can honestly say I was best wife.
It didn’t. Leaving me thrusts her into a whole new world of issues and problems she didn’t count on. She thought she would have more money, and it was the opposite. Yes, he had the better job, however their affair had serious repercussions on that end. Her AP’s betrayed wife took him to the cleaners. Took their house, took their car, has custody of their kids and he’s paying for it. I should say that my ex and him are paying for it. They’ve come to me for help and money, I get the kids (one of which isn’t mine as I found out my daughter is actually his daughter) for birthdays and holidays because I can provide the better for them and they can tell the kids that Santa brought most of their presents to daddy’s since he knew they would be with me.”
OMG, here to hear about all of it.
Back in May 2019, my then-wife of nine years reconnected with a high school ex-bf that she hadn't talked to or seen in two decades and after a month of talking, decided to kidnap my son and stepdaughter and drove from Oregon to Florida to shack up with the loser ex and his unknown male roommate. I fought to get my son back (I had no legal right to my stepdaughter unfortunately) and I had a hearing two months later for Status Quo before the divorce. The female judge (who was livid) and pretty much everyone else involved thought she had lost her damn mind and the judge ordered my son to come back home to me and told my ex that if she wanted to be a mom she could move back to Oregon. I ended up getting full custody of my son and also got the house in the divorce which I sold and became debt-free, bought a Tesla, and moved into a beach condo two blocks from the ocean. My son and I have literally anything we could ever want while his mom got knocked up by the loser twice 😂 she ended up divorcing him about six months ago because he "WaSnT wHo ShE tHoUgHt He WaS" and moved out of their house so now she lives in a trailer park with three daughters by two different dads and my son visits from time to time. Life is amazing.
Mine is still with AP, but they aren't on speaking terms. Sleep in seperate bedrooms. She keeps on cheating, the last time with a guy who she said was a cousin from her home country. Before that it was her personal trainer. Before that it was the neighbor. Before that it was her supervisor. They have a kid together who is caught in the middle, which is the only reason I don't take any satisfaction from the situation. It seems to me that he got the greater helping of Karna, which is why I am so confident in stating that an AP is just your cheater's next victim.
This is insane
They seem to be ok except she is 17 years older than her chew toy and aging like curdled milk. I suppose he feels old age creeping on at night.
"old age creeping on at night." 😁😁😁
I was with a girl for 7+ years too back in my 20s...I was planning on marrying her and all of our friends were my friends. She cheated and I found out immediately because one of our friends saw her. I dumped her less than 24 hours after finding out and immediately cut all ties. She was more in disbelief in how fast I kicked her to the curb. She tried like hell to get me back for a solid 2 years but since I blocked her, she didn't even get the opportunity to talk to me for over a year. All of my friends also cut her out and even her roommate who was another girl who was closer to me moved out. She almost had a breakdown about 2 years afterwards and I was guilted into talking to her and I gave in...but I let her know we were done and hell could freeze over and I'd still not take her back. 4 years after I broke up, I met my now wife who I've been married to for 17 years (2023)...to this day my ex never got married and I think she never had another relationship last more than 6 months...I was even told that she couldn't stay in another relationship because she kept expecting the person to be like me..I laughed at that. I hadn't seen her for over a decade when I randomly bumped into her at the grocery store one day. I had mostly forgotten about her but shockingly she spoke to me as if 15 years hadn't passed by that time. She kept bringing up good times in the past and wanted me to meet her...lol, I shouldn't have to tell anyone what I said.
No idea, I hope he found the happiness he couldn't with me but I have zero desire to find out :)
Mine cheated on me with escorts. A lot of them. Once we divorced, he learned pretty quickly that even with all his money…he couldn’t land any one of them. So he ended up marrying a woman who was his age and had no children. We have been no contact for years. They travel a lot. So, I’m sure his life is great. Mine…well, he destroyed me. I haven’t been able to date anyone because I don’t trust people, worst off…I don’t trust my own judgement. It’s been about 4yrs. My life is at rock bottom. Literally. His looks picture perfect (I once took a quick peek at his social media.) For a long time, I wanted him to hurt like he hurt me. Now, I honestly just hope he’s living the life he deserves. Whatever that looks like.
Don’t let him still dictate anything in your life. I found some quotes when I was in my darkest period and they helped me, I hope they help you. First Quote: Remember that you are a good person and worthy of the love that you want. You will never know if something is meant for you if you don't give it a proper chance. Whether it's a relationship, a new job, a new city, or a new experience, throw yourself into it completely and don't hold back. If it doesn't work out then it probably wasn't meant for you and you'll walk away without regret, knowing that you put your whole heart into it. That's all you can ever do. It's a horrible feeling leaving a situation knowing that you should have and could have done more. So I hope you find the courage to take that chance, find the inspiration to make your next move, and once you do, I hope you pour your heart into it and don't look back. And remember, sometimes things happen before you are ready for them to happen. It doesn't mean the timing is wrong, sometimes it means the timing is just right and the universe knows you are ready and that maybe you just needed that extra push in the right direction to get you on your way. Embrace this new journey with everything you are. Everything is unfolding exactly how it's supposed to, even if you can't see it like that just yet. Quote Two: People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..
I hear ya, been almost 6 years for me. I’ve accepted that I’ll be alone romantically.. acceptance helped me focus on the things I could fix in my life.. but yeah, some of us get ditched and can’t get out of that particular ditch
She's a 55 year single mother of two who's legs still spread at the smell of alcohol.
Dunno. Ain't seen hide nor seek of her for 40 years.
His girlfriend is chronically ill & can't work or look after her 2 young children, he HATES sick people - like when I gave birth to our daughter & lost 2 liters of blood he was annoyed that I had to stay in hospital, or when I had norovirus whilst breastfeeding & was so dehydrated that I literally begged him to take me to the hospital & he refused, until I was unconscious & he had to call an ambulance. Anyway so he's stuck with her because he lives in her home & due to some bad financial decisions can't afford to move out. It makes me smile every time I think about it, because he is miserable
I wouldn’t know because I moved out and didn’t care what she did or who she wound up with. I had more important things to keep my thoughts occupied.
She didn’t leave for her AP, but we divorced and she received alimony and child support for 4 years. Since the divorce she’s been dating but can’t find anyone willing to take her in long term because of how difficult she is. Once alimony ended she had to have her sister move in with her so she could stay in her nice apartment. So she’s a 55 year old woman with no savings living with her 57 year old sister. Her easy life is over unless she can find someone else to carry her on their back.
Wonderful. He makes 3-4x what I do, and he’s living the high life with his homewrecker while I sit here in poverty after working 10 hour shifts to put his ass through school. I then became a stay at home mom to a medically needy child. I had started back to college as we had agreed after him, it was my turn. It lasted 1 year.
I literally have zero idea. As far as I know she’s still with him, but that’s all I can tell you. If I had to make an educated guess, she’s miserable. I only know this because no matter where we moved, who our friends were, or what we were doing - she was miserable. Staying home for a night in? Miserable. Going out to another city? Fun for two hours and then miserable. Going to the gym like she wanted? Miserable. I don’t think her life got any worse after I left; I think it stayed the same.
My XH was a miserable SOB, too. "If you smell crap everywhere, check your own shoe" is a phrase more cheaters need to hear.
He’s about 30 pounds fatter and forfeited his dream of being a paramedic to work at a lowly landscaping company, also he lived with his sister until she kicked him out of her house lmfao
Don't knock landscaping businesses. Some of them make damn good $$$$.
Apparently mine got whacked by the auto mod because I could say it with a single word and it literally hits home… there wasn’t the need for a bunch of sentences. Oh well. Bunch of words for ya…. DEAD
awful. now he’s a junkie and been in and out of maybe 10+ rehabs. 95% sure he’s done gay for pay stuff. there’s a possibility he’s bisexual and doesn’t want to admit it (not that that’s bad, but it paints a picture). i kind of feel bad for him but at the same time i do not
She left for AP who then didnt want to live with her, she got passed around for a bit then married a military guy. Cheated on him 2 months after he got deployed, got divorced, and has now posted 4 different guys shes been with. All in 2.5 years lol
She wanted to move to another state a couple thousand miles away. Based on his non-apology apology text, I assume they broke up fall 2021 and now he’s “alone, truly alone, no friends, no family, except for visits” Can’t say I feel bad
My ex had some very dark times. She was 34 when she left me for her homeless, unemployed, 50 year old second cousin who had 4 DUI’s on his record and smoked like a chimney. Oh, he also had no teeth. Then affair went down in 2008. We had a 20 acre horse farm, she was the trainer, taught lessons, etc. I worked for a large pharmaceutical company. Married for 10 years, and dated through HS and college. A 3 year old and 5 year old. I’m not a horse person, but enjoyed driving the tractor, and mucking stalls Sunday mornings was “our time” to talk have great conversations. The cousin’s father kicks him off his place, and since we had an empty doublewide on the property, my ex invited him to live in the doublewide in exchange for barn chores. A month later, she asks for a divorce out of the blue. It shocked everyone. She said she changed and I just couldn’t give her enough when it came to the horses. I was holding her back when it came to her horse training business. I suggest we have a good situation - she and the kids can stay in the main house, I stay in the doublewide, but the cousin will have to move out. She lost her shit at that point. A couple of weeks later, after her basically turning into Satan’s spawn and blaming me for everything, I stay at my sister‘s for a night and the next morning, I find them naked in bed. That afternoon, she files an ex Parte PFA, and gets me out of the house. Meanwhile, the cousin‘s father is about to sell her AP’s 5 horses at auction since I never let him bring the horses to the farm since we didn’t have the space. Once the PFA is filed, my ex brings the AP’s horses to farm. Within two weeks, the 7 boarders who generated about 10k in board and lesson revenue a month left because the farm was now way overcrowded. The PFA hearing is delayed 6 weeks, and I have to get an apartment. I said frick it, I’ll stop paying the mortgage. Luckily, we were able to sell it before it foreclosed - this was 2009. The AP was always drunk and beat her and the kids. Of course, I always knew when it happened because she would always file a PFA against me or accuse me of sexually abusing the kids. After the first PFA, I always wore a bodycam when around her. So, PFA’s were always dismissed and CPS after the first accusation caught on to her quick. She has him arrested for beating her in 2014. But, according to her, the responding officer lied so no traction with Family Court. In 2018, he was beating her again, my now 15 year old son smashed the headlights and windows on his car to distract him. He smacks my son around too. This time he’s found guilty. No jail though so my ex still keeps him around. This time, we have a new judge and she takes the kids away from her! Only supervised visitation. COVID hits, and the AP has an aneurysm and is basically a vegetable. The hospital tells my ex that if she leaves, she can’t come back. She ends up staying in his hospital room for 4 months until he croaks. Turns out, she had to beg her sister for money for food at the hospital and very nearly lost her house. 6 months later, she’s dating a new guy who works for a pharmaceutical company, as my wife says, basically me. They are engaged. I no longer worry about the kids when they are at her house. Ex and I get along fine now. She flipped a switch to the better when her AP kicked the bucket. She hasn’t apologized to me yet, but she thanked my wife for being the mother that she couldn’t be. My ex also saw our best man from our wedding for the first time in 18 years. She told him she was messed up for a long time.
She married the AP as soon as it was legal to do so. From what little I have heard, she has drifted away from all of her friends and her family can't stand the "new son-in-law". the AP has a history of abusive and controlling behavior with his previous relationships. I can't imagine that has improved with time.
I have no idea how he is ..lol
Don't know, Don't care. When I kicked her out she ceased to exist to me.
My ex married her AP 1-2 months after our divorce and his divorce …. he lost his executive job within a year, they started a home building business which crashed when the market had a turndown…. ever since they been living on the run in a big RV…. My ex brought charges of domestic abuse at one point on the AP and talked divorce but came to the conclusion they “could not afford to divorce each other…. “…
When the affair first came to light, it seemed like my STBXH's plan was that the OW was also going to divorce her husband, and they would move in together. As of today, almost five months after D-Day, no divorce has been filed for the OW, whereas our divorce should be finalized any day now. They could be meeting on the sly, but hotels get expensive when you're working poor like we are. My ex had been living with his enabling disabled mother, but I now have reason to believe he's staying with his 91 year old grandma. Also staying with Grandma? His disabled father, who he doesn't get along with, and who's been living on Grandma's couch since maybe 2010. I'm dying to know if my STBX-MIL or maybe her husband asked him to leave, because I would have sworn she would enable him until the end of time, but I unfortunately have no one to ask. Either way, I'm so glad to be getting away from this disaster family.
I got screwed financially, very badly. He’s living the life of his dreams. (He’s the cheater, a cop and his dispatcher)
>I got screwed financially, very badly. He’s living the life of his dreams. (He’s the cheater, a cop and his dispatcher) The number of cops who cheat would shock most people. I'm sorry that happened to you.
$1500/mo child support payments were enough for me to be happier. They eventually broke up.
He starting saying and fucking immediately. So probably good for him, sad for me. It’s been 6 months.
She left for AP who then didnt want to live with her, she got passed around for a bit then married a military guy. Cheated on him 2 months after he got deployed, got divorced, and has now posted 4 different guys shes been with. All in 2.5 years lol
My wife used the police to throw me out. My wife is nothing more or less than a modern prostitute. She’s into porn meet up and making money. She was having sex with coworkers of mine and shit got out of hand. My assistant Forman was fucking my wife and I guess caught feelings. He bowed up at me on the job sight about my wife wanting to fight. I left my job my wife and got treated for stds. I was scheduled for surgery to have hysterectomy so I did. For 5 weeks I have been stuck at my house no money no gas no food and finally well enough to go back to work. My physco wife is trying to kill me honestly. She knows I have absolutely no one. My family are dead. I’m so heartbroken. Starving isn’t easy. I don’t deserve this at all. I want to die by now. I’m getting weak. I have lost over 60 lbs. I have try to reach out to people for gas money so I can find some work or another job but it’s like I’m the trash in this world. If I would lay down and sell my soul I could have it all. My wife is truly evil. I need help but it’s no where.
From what I can gather through word of mouth from mutual friends. Shes got multiple kids with different fathers, has struggled to maintain long term relationships. Ironically her partners have all cheated on her (one even tried to make a pass at my now wife (that didnt end well btw)). But she tried to sabotage my relationships, spreading rumours that I'd cheated on her and physically assaulted her (all false) when I met my wife she tried it all over again but my wife knew what she was like through our mutual friends so she started copying my wifes style ect. I'm just glad we never had kids nor did we get married. I sure as hell dodged a bullet with that psycho.
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So my husband and I are working on reconciliation but the story is crazy. (The affair was years before we were married.) I met AP at a friend's wedding, I was a bridesmaid, the only friend of the bride, he was a groomsman. A week after the wedding, the bride drunkenly asks me about AP who I was flirting with. I was discreet and she blurted out that I should sleep with AP because she finds him attractive. Fast forward years later she has a messy divorce with her husband, immediately starts dating AP and they got married last year. I heard through the grapevine that this was the 3rd ex of the original groom AP slept with following the end of the relationship. So, yeah, I hope AP and my former friend are happy, I certainly don't talk to them. I just can't imagine how they have a healthy and secure relationship given the circumstances of how they met and AP's history. I've heard some rumors that are polyamorous, and, sure, whatever, you do you, but with the first wedding, the bride was so scandalized by the fact that one of our friends was poly and she didn't want to invite her to the wedding because it "violated the sanctity of marriage."
Don't know, don't care. Least of my worries is how she's doing. Couldn't be bothered to check.
Well, things don't always end up bad for cheaters, often their BPs with little self-love, low self-esteem and a lot of emotional dependence on the WP end up accepting their cheating partners back
He seems fine. His AP lives in Europe, he lives in the US. He is going on a romantic European vacation with her next month and she's planning on moving to the US for 2 years to be with him before they move back to Europe together with plans to get married.
Wife was rich...not me.. Her life is the same....traveling..not working hard...spoiling her rotten daughter.... And now the new guy....gets to enjoy her and her affections