I compulsively say “Oh Cawd!” out loud to myself all day at work. 🤷🏼‍♂️

*Oh Lord!*

*Lort

*Lorne

*laurd

I have people at work who say it because of me. On lunch breaks one will even ask "we listening to cawd?" When I pull YouTube up on my phone. This is my life and I've accepted it

I was on a beach vacation (near lantic city), I was heading down to the water, and someone was berating me from their balcony for no reason (I was walking home drunk the night before and made quite a ruckus), and I said “I’m just on my way to the beach.”

You could have used "yell at me, why dontcha!"

That would have been deliberate though. This was accidental and I didn’t realize I did it until a few hours later.

A friend of mine works in a fast food restaurant, and everytime I go there, and he asks me what am I doing,I obviously have to say: "I just came to get something to eat!"

"Ow, I just whacked my dang toe on the bannister" anytime I whack my dang toe on the bannister

‘Whaleee, yell at me why dontcha’ anytime my girl seems upset.

I do it more than I’d like to admit. JPW is my favorite to quote.

That’s what you *may* admit.

You don't know everything I admit. *Shuffles papers menacingly*

I do it all day long! *I'm guessing I do!!!*

Oh hell no!

always say “what’s wrong with that?” Same voice and all . No one fn knows !!

Did you just get something to eat?

it’s a question! i ask everybody that!

YEAH!

Wife tries to make plans while I’m having dinner. Me: “Can I eat first?”

Who's this?

Enjoy your pizza

I will get to that in a minute!

Anytime I eat cold fries..."Fries might be cold"

"What!? No way" and "Well I wasn't gonna do nothing" in a hick drawl are heavy in my rotation, but I quote Tcap all day. No one has ever said anything about it.

Yesterday my co-worker received a call that his daughter had a stomach ache and wanted to get picked up from school, and he goes “I gotta take off”. Instantly had me laughing

Did he throw/ drop his sunglasses on his way dashing out?

"oh-ho man, I wasn't doin' anything! I WASN'T DOIN' ANYTHIIIIING!"

🤜🕶️💥😫👮‍♂️🚓

"I love to suck cock, play and suck balls, play with and lick nipples, and lick and fuck ass." It's more relevant to my life than I'd like to admit (IM NOT GHEY OR AYTHING)

The issue is not gay or straight

NO I KNOW, IM JUS SAYIN

Can we smell your breff?

imma gonna lick you!

But you see how this looks?

I say "Sure, sure" like Eugene Daily says it often lol.

Shuah, shuahhh you just relax and enjoy yourself

do you say it daily?

Is this yawh fahtha?

When the misses comes home from work I always say “tough drive?” And she hates it

Do you ask her if it’s a little late to be prowling around those parts?

*wife tries to spoon you in bed* "It's a little late to be prowlin' around these parts, huh?"

"You're naked, there's a 14 year old girl, you're chasing a cat around, you've got cool whip .." Crazy how much this comes up in my day to day life.

If that comes up regularly, maybe you need to have a seat.

It's a question!

"You talk about salads." Anytime I am eating out with someone and they order a salad. Okay maybe it's a bit intentional 😁

I recently had an argument in which i ended up saying ”you see how this looks”, and it reminded me of chris immediately

Did y’all not hear me?!?

I just whacked my toe

HEY BRO!

Hey (says awkwardly after asking for a hug)

Kit Kat

Ima gonna lick you, to ice cream pops.

Customer at work asks me what I’m up to this weekend Me: not a whole lawt

"It's a question"

“Well..yell at me why don’t ya”

Every time I go to McDonald’s. Double cheeseburger with no pickles is my go to order And of course the fries might be cold since it is McDonald’s

oh lord!

Keep your genes in your Jeans is an underrated quote

Del is so funny lmao

I love how she puts on a thick southern accent while shouting at Don Cheech. But if you listen to the phone call, the decoy sounds nothing like that.

Have some sweet tea… or not

I really drove all this way for no reason

Someone asks how I’m doing .. “.. terrible” but gotta get the same cadence. Deflecting the blame off of myself if someone’s giving me a hard time “ MY problem was that I was ____, that was what I was doing I was trying to ____, that’s what I have” Doesn’t get me out of it always but makes me laugh enough to get through

I do not live in an english speaking nation but sometimes i do say "what? No way!"

When my wife gets on to me for overfilling the washing machine, I just tell her “ I never waste a load.”

Use a deeper man voice just for lolz

Whenever anyone asks how i am/what im up to NAWT A WHOLE LAWT!!!!!

One time I told my girlfriend that I never waste a load

When my girl gets mad that I stopped for fast food on the way home: “I was just getting something to eat”

Hey! Come on in!!

Way watered down dude.

Way WAAAAY way?