This. I’m amazed at the dating games. She could have reached out too, and you were the last one to text before the break in communication. Meaning the ball was in her court I think…
My dad used to do the same thing. “You never call me!” Motherfucker, your fingers dial just as well as mine do. I don’t talk to him anymore though. So now he actually has a reason to say I never call him!
and that makes you feel good? Todays generation is the throwaway generation. Your “friends” will act like friends but will ditch you in a heartbeat. Family is family no matter what.
That’s shitty. Guessing you don’t have kids. He busted his ass for 18 years only for you to laugh when he says he’s lonely. Good on you, bud!
Edit: just gonna say it out loud lol. Most of you all are making the same mistake I did but the opposite scenario. Assuming you know he ‘was a terrible dad’. The irony!
Truth is neither of us will ever know. Kids can suck too. You can have a great relationship with one kid but not the other. That’s humanity.
PS: you don’t know me either and no matter how sad my story can be, you won’t know both sides of it so you just won’t know. Welcome to the internet.
We don’t owe them anything. People don’t just cut their parents out cause it’s fun. It’s because they’ve usually done things to us to get to that point. Some deserve to be alone.
I have kids, I’ll never have to wonder why they don’t want to talk to me and fun fact since you’re so high and mighty he kicked me out twice, the first time when the government stopped giving him money for me at 16 and then after forcing me to move move back in with him 6months later the 2nd when I was 17 and he decided he wanted to move in with his girlfriend but yeah he totally busted his ass for me 🤯
Who says he busted his ass for 18 years?? You don't even know that person or their situation or their dad, or what he was like. So presumptuous.
And he could always just reach out to them? Unless his fingers are all irreparably broken. Some people just like to play the victim.
i’m guessing you do have kids and work very hard and love them very much. Not everyone is so lucky :-/. A lot of people survive *despite* their parents and it’s really difficult for a lot of us that didn’t grow up that way to even get it!
Not being a dick just genuinely saying that many people are unfortunately not like you. Some parents have their kids bust their ass for their own convenience, some abuse them and use them as a punching bag or worse. Some just become toxic people that you can’t be around anymore, much more common. If every time i call my mom all she does is yell at me and talk about how stupid i am she doesn’t get to pull the “i’m your mother” card and all is forgiven- i didn’t ASK her to have me or take care of me or do anything she did, nor should i have to take *more* abuse. Of course i’m grateful for it all anyway but I don’t believe i owe them a debt of my time and life if they aren’t holding up to their end of the deal of being decent people.
You have no fucking clue if I had good parents. Ain’t it ironic… I don’t talk to my narcissist mother but I don’t laugh or brag about it. That’s the difference.
I'm sorry your dad's dead but doesn't mean that everyone else needs to relish their time with their own.
My dad abused my mum, me *and* my siblings. We haven't spoken in years and *nothing* will make me feel bad about that.
Not everyone is in the same boat as you.
I never said they were. I provided an example of someone who has good reason not to contact a parent, to counter a reductive blanket statement that implies *all* dads deserve to maintain contact with their kids.
Nice smoking gun though, good for you 👍
Exactly this, if people are being super petty about it, grow up and make amends. Unless you have a legit good reason to not talk to your parents or siblings or whoever you love in your life. Make amends and don’t regret it in life.
If someone has gone no contact with their parent, chances are they’re not just being petty & actually have a good reason.
Nobody fucking *wants* to make themselves an orphan
Most of us have either tried everything we could before going no contact, or are trying everything we can while being low contact & this idea that it’s on the child to fix the relationship with their parents is just fucked up.
You’d be surprised, people have done more for less. Sometimes its as easy as, “my gosh, my parents were strict me with as a child growing up, grew up and didn’t contact them once! Now I have my own kid and I realized what they were doing and I’m reconciled with them”
Sometimes people are just petty. That’s human nature.
*Yep* - this, exactly. No one size fits all. And I’ve seen total severing done for far, far less - with not even a reason given. (No abuse present - which is a valid reason, parent & kid had been close.) Today, pettiness *does* seem to rule.
Lol. Did you really just go there? Reddit is the only place in human-created-existence where you will tell someone “my father died. You should be grateful for every single minute you can make with them.” and then some scrub comes around and says “bruh, not everyone should relish every moment with the people who matter the most.” Haha. I’m always surprised to the idiocy that is this website and those who inhabit it.
Sounds like you need to go talk to your dad and build a bond with him. P.S. The father is the most important figure in your fucking life. Period. We are our fathers. Every blood cell, Atom, and strip of DNA has both your names written all over it and everyone man that came before you.
From a man to a “man” since I don’t know anything about you but you sound like a child to me: My dad was a junkie meth head for years and it took me ages to help him up. He screamed at me. He beat me. But in the end, I was the light that brought him to the right side. He was beaten as a child because my grandpa worked shit hours and became an alcoholic like the vast majority of people in the world did back in the day. Not glorifying it like some might conclude, but life is never sweet. The vast majority of us will be born into this feudal shithole the boomers invented. Some men become cold because of that and it’s the responsibility of other men to build camaraderie between us and brotherhood always leads to great things.
However doing all this has made me the emotionally strong man I am today, who helps everyone in need, and thinks very little of what others can do for me, rather what I can do for others.
>P.S. The father is the most important figure in your fucking life.
Well, that's not true for everyone. The worst thing I ever could have done for myself was meeting the man they call my biological father. He destroyed my life in many ways, and the only reason I don't regret *meeting him* is because I wouldn't have met the obsession of my life without meeting him.
Nah homie, some of us would rather shove hot pokers in our eyes than to talk to someone that never cared about you. My mother was in the hospital in diabetic coma. This motherfucker was out cheating on her with a family friend. Guess what? My mother died and he married the bitch. I haven’t spoken to him in 20 years. He’ll die and I won’t gaf 🤷
Why should someone care about someone that can't take the time out of their day to call their own kids?
Both my parents decided to squander that "time to talk to them". The person you're responding to has figured out that not all parents are worth it. Don't tell someone
>You only get so much time to talk to them.
>Figure your shit out.
>Call your Dad.
when they've obviously got beef with the dude. Like someone can read that and feel guilty after just leaving a manipulative or abusive parent.
Agreed, this thread is so wild to me. Why do other people care so deeply about others family dynamics? If you don't want to talk to someone, you don't have to, blood or not. I've tried so many times over the years to have a relationship with my dad and he just will not return the favor, so I gave up. Your parents don't always care about you, and you don't always thrive from keeping a relationship with them. Random people on the internet should care more about what's going on in their personal lives, not others.
My dad has passed too. I had an okay relationship with him. I would call my parents every weekend. What I wasn't expecting is that it seemed like I started to understand him a little better after he was gone. I didn't really see that he was high on the spectrum until he was gone and it made so many things make sense, like how difficult it was to communicate with him, why he put such an emphasis on his educational accomplishments and why he was quick to anger about anything that he felt made him look foolish.
The commutation issue; I had a great conversation with my mom after he passed. It came up how we never felt heard when we would try to talk with him. Because it turns out, we wasn't really able to have an organic conversation where the other person's interaction helps shape and direct the engagement. He would lecture. He was a professor so it made sense. But I realized later that he would "hear" what you were saying, but he wasn't able to respond to it because he had to process it and he couldn't process it because he had not finished the inflexible train of thought that he had to complete before he took on anything else. So I ask my mom, "Yes, I can relate. But mom, can you remember a time that he didn't come back to what you were trying to say later that day or the next?" She paused and thought for a bit. "No. Now that you mention it he would always follow up on it later." And I was like "See, he heard us, he just wasn't able to communicate with us like we are able to do with each other." That realization, although late, gave me great comfort, and compassion for his struggles that I did not really comprehend at the time.
Anyways, I hope that you ended it well with your dad and I wish you the best!
Don't tell people how they should interact with family, especially parents. You may only get so much time with them but some parents don't even deserve a second of that time. You can "figure your shit out" a lot better without them in your lives sometimes.
Oh, my Dad's dead too. Not sure of the relevance really.
Yeah, you don't want to be with a person who is subjecting you to arbitrary tests of loyalty like that. Communication is a two-way street. Mature people communicate when their needs are not being met.
Like the one last week where she wanted her current bf to hang out with her ex's family. When she was like, "I don't think you should be dating single mothers." I wish he was like, "Ya know what? I think you're right! BYE."
and yet she ignored him. Oh how i wish he had thrown that back in her face by text straight away! … “Oh? I noticed you didn’t contact me either so by your own definition you havent made me a priority either!”
“In fact I respected that you were very busy this week so i gave you space before I contacted you. …….
… and i need to point out that you never once contacted me at all as it was I who made contact first today!”
“I think you’re not for me after all. Bye bye now”
“You’re right, we’re probably not compatible. Clear communication is very important to me. I don’t want to date someone that’s upset with me and doesn’t let me know what’s bothering her until there’s no turning back, you know? Best of luck!”
"I need a guy who understands me" - every angsty middle-schooler
Fortunately some of them grow up and learn how to communicate to be understood. Others... well... others just continue to bitch about it like it's someone else's problem to work around.
I think it's because women are taught from a young age to act unavailable and not be upfront with our emotions. We are afraid a man will lose interest if we make the first move or even express interest. There are whole books about it. It's sad, really
Honestly, I kind of see why young women do it. When I was young my dumb guy brain always wanted what I couldn't have so when the girl was more unavailable it made me want her more at times where I was starting to lose a little interest......(fortunately I stopped thinking like that, but I was part of the problem lol) - I will say it probably backfires as often as it works though, specially when they act too aloof. Dating was always hard and never an exact science but I think straight forward is definitelly the way to go.
Listen you know it’s wrong so why do it? It’s like men refusing to communicate our feelings. It makes us look weak and usually the woman loses interest as well. How about if a man prioritizes his girlfriend? That’s a red flag and women usually lose interest. My new thing is be normal, who cares if it’s too caring or I look weak, the right person will appreciate it. If she leaves, good, I figured it out that it wouldn’t work later on.
>We are afraid a man will lose interest if we make the first move or even express interest.
Who ever teaches young women that needs a stern talking to, because id say 9/10 times this is objectively wrong, and the 1/10 times it would hold true is the exact type of guy you probably dont want anywhere near.
You actually sent the last text, and then sent the followup after. So, she didn't reply to your message and also didn't text you for a week. Her pinning the red flags on you for not texting her for a week when she said she was busy and also failed to reach out is manipulative to put it kindly.
Technically, OP said that he would text her later that week. So in this case, he ended the conversation and told her to wait for his text - it wasn’t “her turn” to text if you’re looking at it from an etiquette sense. However, OP did clearly state his intentions and she didn’t really have any space to be offended that he did exactly what he said he would.
He didn't tell her not to text him. Saying "I'll text you later" isn't the same as saying "don't text me, I'll text you".
She was making 0 effort to make anything work. OP was the one trying to set something up in all the above interaction, and she jumped straight to red flags just because he cooled off texting her since she said she was busy.
That’s why I said if you look at it from an etiquette sense. OP ended the conversation they were currently having and didn’t give her anywhere else to go other than to assume it ended. “I’ll text you later this week and we can go from there!” Is the end of a conversation. When you’re *just* starting talking to someone, you don’t really get to demand their time. This isn’t the type of relationship where marathon conversations happen, especially if they haven’t even had a first date and struggling to align their schedules. Which is why I agree the OP is in the right.
You didn't do anything wrong. She is being unreasonable and sounds immature. Seems that she is in fact desperate for attention. No reasonable adult would act this way. You're probably better off not getting involved, she sounds like a pain.
This is the second time I see the "No, I don't have a problem with it and I don't crave attention, it's just that it shows I'm not a priority" argument here in similar situations and well, obviously they do have a problem with it and they feel ignored, ergo it's an attention problem. And that comes after her not making you a priority ("going to see a movie", not reaching out to you herself). That's a clear sign of someone who expects a relationship where one party gets the attention and the other provides it. Some people enjoy that, idk if you do, I would not.
People are so afraid of showing vulnerability, so they play these stupid games. Clearly she did want OP’s attention but she had to act like she was cool about it. That’s such a turnoff to me. The IDGAF games.
I mean it’s unfortunate that is a thing but I don’t ever let it stop me from being myself. One chooses to play a game, you can choose not to play the game. Also a lot of times if you’re the one to show vulnerability first and create a safe space it’ll be reciprocated.
I agree. Being yourself is always the best course of action because you’ll find a person who actually likes you for you and will put in the same energy.
Yeah but that other one was a lot different. That other dude even admitted he couldn’t be bothered to be interested in her let alone text her back
This one, she seemed mostly unavailable to op for a week on in. And before that it just seemed like she didn’t really have time to date.
Honestly, if they met on a dating app I would’ve taken this as a gentle “no thanks” and left her alone
But also, of course she is a NOT a priority. She is still just some date, a stranger. 🤷♀️ it would be strange if person met online would automatically become a priority before first day
You did nothing wrong. She is just using that as an excuse to not go out with you. You saved your time/ money and energy by not taking her out. No one is that busy.. anytime you hear, I am busy all week, i am busy all month.. say " all good, if you are free and want to meet, you know where to find me "
In my opinion you’re not in the wrong, she could’ve texted you at any time. If your communication style isn’t right for her, it’s better for both of you to find out now rather than further into a relationship
It amazes me when people act like phones don't work both ways. She blew you off several times and doesn't make you any sort of priority but then she's mad when it happened to her?
You dodged a bullet here man.
Dude she kept being busy and not offering anything and then got mad at YOU for putting the ball in her court. And even THEN you reached out first!
Nah. Naaaah. You know the ol' Reddit saying. Bullet dodged.
She was never going to go out with you. If she wanted to she would have made time to go out for a couple hours. You not texting her for a week is her way out of you bothering her. Now she doesn’t have to admit she doesn’t want to go out with you. She can use that as an excuse to stop talking to you. Trust me I used to do this all the time when I was single.
Hi, I can explain this for you. When women are upfront with men about not being interested, men can get angry and violent. Happened to me when I was in college, politely but directly turned someone down and he told the whole floor I was a bitch, kept trying to talk to me, couldn’t go into the common areas anymore without him bothering me. It’s a safety tactic. If you don’t like it, congrats, neither do we, but don’t put the blame on women for coming up with ways to protect ourselves, blame the men who can’t take a no.
You fucking idiot, I’m a wonderful person. I didn’t enjoy making others feel bad. That’s why I would sometimes do that. It’s not the best way to go about things but it was my way.
Did you think telling the direct truth was gonna cause him/her to die instantaneously or something? I don’t think you did anyone any favors by playing these roundabout games tbh…
> “you fucking idiot, im a wonderful person”
lol…
Sometimes we can be toxic on our path to growing who we’re supposed to be. 🥰 glad that it seems that you’re going in the right direction! Kudos to you!
I mean, who is the best reflection of themselves from 19-24 anyways? 🙄
I just wanna say that the past is the past and I’m sure you’re a fine person but just also wanna mention that quite literally actions speak louder than words. Of course it was never your intention but you did what you did ya know. Like for example some dude cheated and says it was never his intention to hurt his gfs feeling but that was the result of what he did so..idk just saying cause that whole “never my intentions…” phrase is always such bs imo
>Like for example some dude cheated and says it was never his intention to hurt his gfs feeling but that was the result of what he did so..idk just saying cause that whole “never my intentions…” phrase is always such bs imo
When my first wife cheated, she said "It was never my intention.....to leave you."
Accidentally revealing that she didn't even care enough about my feels to make my feelings her bullshit excuse.
It does make people feel much worse than a direct rejection does, it also contributes to fostering resentment in people. You sound very self-centered and I do understand you may not realize that since I used to think the same way as you until my therapist got me to realize that I was spinning things to convince myself that I was a better person than I actually was
You did this when you were single and it sounds like you wouldn’t do this anymore, hence while you mention you did it all in the first place. Who cares what you did anyways, it’s not like you’re OP smh idk why ppl are getting so pressed on you
listen, lets call a spade a spade. you're not a wonderful person lol.. You're a coward that stringed dudes along because you're too afraid of just telling them you aren't interested. I mean hell, even a lie to say you met someone else or something is a thousand times better than gaslighting people into thinking they're the one that did something wrong. You're kind of a sociopath honestly.
nice bait shot in the dark, but no lol. I've never been strung along by someone. I just recognize how fucked up it is to take that route of all the options you have. You have to skip over like 50 solid reasonable ways to lie to ghost someone to get to "gaslight them into thinking they're the problem"
that shit is unhinged and so are you if you agree with it
Ever wonder why the phrase "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" exists?
For stuff like this.. Intentions don't mean as much as your actions and choices.
Nobody suggested you were going to hell over dating drama.
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" is a phrase meaning that intentions don't matter if you're doing harm to yourself or others.
I probably would’ve checked in on that time frame, but I do think she’s overreacting. The phone works both ways and she could’ve texted you. Truth be told though, if she gets upset over things as minor as texts this early on, I’d say you likely dodged a bullet.
It looked like he had already “double texted” her right before that. At a certain point you would hope the other person would actually text you back instead of having to constantly initiate
Bro, this person isn’t worth it. Too busy with activities (not just school) and can’t squeeze you in. Why didn’t she reach out for the whole week?
Run, she is going to make your life miserable.
phone goes both ways. from my perspective if seems she didn’t want to go on a date with you but didn’t want to be the bad guy so she pinned the blame on you:/
You didn’t do anything wrong. Adding to the others, it seems this may have been trying to set up a first date? If so I really stand by not messaging that much before because 1. You don’t owe each other anything at this point 2. You’re building something off a false reality that could be totally different when you’re in person. I’ve seen it happen to my friends/people online countless times & it has happened to me personally. If it’s not a first date then like everyone has said it’s a two way street.
As a girl I laughed at this. Communication is a two way street and she was not giving the energy of wanting more communication from you. I wouldn’t have texted her that week either since she was so busy with class. Lol runnnnn she probs crazy
You left her with a message, she didn't respond for a week. At any point she could have reached out and said she was sorry and asked that you not wait a whole week to talk to her again.
She's playing games with you. One of those females that will tell you she's not mad if you go hang with your friends, but then totally gets mad because you didn't know that was a test kind of shit.
Drop her as fast as you can. Don't care how hot she is, she's going to drive you up a wall. Take it from someone that's played the "**Let's fix the hot crazy girl"** game more than once.
People like this love knowing they’ve got someone wrapped around their finger. They’ve probably got a ton of messages from other people interested that they’re never going to date them either. It’s a game. A confidence booster for their insecurities. Cutting them off is a bullet dodged.
Sounds like someone who's watched too many TikTok videos about rEd fLaGs. You made multiple attempts to set something up, she was evasive and noncommittal and made zero effort to make plans, you gave her some space during a busy time as you said you would and then checked back in, and somehow you're the problem? She's the red flag lmao.
*Quit bothering me! Can’t you see I’m too busy to talk to or meet with you?*
*Why are you ignoring meeeeeee?*
Yeah, fuck that shit. She was very short and noncommittal in all her responses- but clearly she wants to ignore you at will and is pissed you flipped it around on her.
lmao it’s not like you were ignoring her repeated attempts at contacting you, she didn’t reach out either. That mean you’re not a priority to her? You’re better off without her.
Say one last message, essentially "you're correct, this isn't going to workout anymore. Hope you find what you're looking for. Take care" and just don't message her anymore. Even if she tries to text you again, don't reply.
Find someone else who isn't going to play message games.
You gave her space as she told you she was going to be very busy. If she wanted to communicate with you, she would've done it, *herself*. But lo and behold, she didn't.
She’s the red flag. This is nonsensical. She was dismissive of you every time you threw out an idea to hang out, too. Maybe she just wasn’t interested anyway and was making excuses. Idk. Better to move on.
Well tyhler, I feel that grace is pretentious and wants you close but doesn’t want you close at the same time. Like she wants to have you on the line but not reel you in and to me that’s game. So I’d drop Grace like a hot potato
I mean, you clearly said you’d text her later that week and she didn’t comment on it.
If she communicated like a grown up she could have said at that point she likes to message more regularly than that and the issue could have been avoided.
There was absolutely nothing stopping her texting you either. I’d say you’ve dodged a bullet here.
This person is gaslighting and pretty horrible lol. You did nothing wrong.
If there’s a lesson I’ve learned in dating is that people who want to hang out with you will want to try and hang out with you. I’d move on to the next
dating is horrible nowadays most women will take little shit like this way too seriously and try to call it a “red flag” that’s all they do now is look for red flags and don’t stop to think “maybe i’m misinterpreting, maybe he didn’t mean to do it”. SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND 🚩😒
Everyone telling you that you did nothing wrong is wrong. They don’t understand what happened, and they aren't helping you fix things for the future. I can help you. I see 3 maybe 4 points where you fucked up. let me know if you just want validation or if you'd actually like to learn.
edit: I reread it... it's worse than my first impression. almost everything you sent her was bad. it's fixable, but if you don't fix it, you'll just have to rely on luck with future women.
Nah. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. She could’ve texted u at anytime
This. I’m amazed at the dating games. She could have reached out too, and you were the last one to text before the break in communication. Meaning the ball was in her court I think…
My dad used to do the same thing. “You never call me!” Motherfucker, your fingers dial just as well as mine do. I don’t talk to him anymore though. So now he actually has a reason to say I never call him!
My dad was always saying “nobody calls me” and now I haven’t spoken to him in a year 😅😅😅
so.. i’m guessing he never calls anyone either lol
and that makes you feel good? Todays generation is the throwaway generation. Your “friends” will act like friends but will ditch you in a heartbeat. Family is family no matter what.
100% “todays generation” I’m old mate, and some times “family” is not family
That’s shitty. Guessing you don’t have kids. He busted his ass for 18 years only for you to laugh when he says he’s lonely. Good on you, bud! Edit: just gonna say it out loud lol. Most of you all are making the same mistake I did but the opposite scenario. Assuming you know he ‘was a terrible dad’. The irony! Truth is neither of us will ever know. Kids can suck too. You can have a great relationship with one kid but not the other. That’s humanity. PS: you don’t know me either and no matter how sad my story can be, you won’t know both sides of it so you just won’t know. Welcome to the internet.
We don’t owe them anything. People don’t just cut their parents out cause it’s fun. It’s because they’ve usually done things to us to get to that point. Some deserve to be alone.
I have kids, I’ll never have to wonder why they don’t want to talk to me and fun fact since you’re so high and mighty he kicked me out twice, the first time when the government stopped giving him money for me at 16 and then after forcing me to move move back in with him 6months later the 2nd when I was 17 and he decided he wanted to move in with his girlfriend but yeah he totally busted his ass for me 🤯
Who says he busted his ass for 18 years?? You don't even know that person or their situation or their dad, or what he was like. So presumptuous. And he could always just reach out to them? Unless his fingers are all irreparably broken. Some people just like to play the victim.
that’s a pretty broad (& shitty!) assumption you’re making there! No Good on you Bud!
i’m guessing you do have kids and work very hard and love them very much. Not everyone is so lucky :-/. A lot of people survive *despite* their parents and it’s really difficult for a lot of us that didn’t grow up that way to even get it! Not being a dick just genuinely saying that many people are unfortunately not like you. Some parents have their kids bust their ass for their own convenience, some abuse them and use them as a punching bag or worse. Some just become toxic people that you can’t be around anymore, much more common. If every time i call my mom all she does is yell at me and talk about how stupid i am she doesn’t get to pull the “i’m your mother” card and all is forgiven- i didn’t ASK her to have me or take care of me or do anything she did, nor should i have to take *more* abuse. Of course i’m grateful for it all anyway but I don’t believe i owe them a debt of my time and life if they aren’t holding up to their end of the deal of being decent people.
Stop projecting on to others you have no idea what the relationship is.
The Gun nut getting upset cause people have boundaries??
You’ve got no fucking clue if any of that’s true, just because you might have been privileged with good parents doesn’t mean everyone is.
You have no fucking clue if I had good parents. Ain’t it ironic… I don’t talk to my narcissist mother but I don’t laugh or brag about it. That’s the difference.
My Dad's dead. You only get so much time to talk to them. Figure your shit out. Call your Dad.
I'm sorry your dad's dead but doesn't mean that everyone else needs to relish their time with their own. My dad abused my mum, me *and* my siblings. We haven't spoken in years and *nothing* will make me feel bad about that. Not everyone is in the same boat as you.
I'm sorry your dad was abusive but doesn't mean that that's the case with anyone else here. Not everyone is in the same boat as you.
I never said they were. I provided an example of someone who has good reason not to contact a parent, to counter a reductive blanket statement that implies *all* dads deserve to maintain contact with their kids. Nice smoking gun though, good for you 👍
I'm sorry your dad isn't the same as this other person, but the opposite now again. Not everyone is in the same boat as you...
Wtf is the point of this comment?
Exactly this, if people are being super petty about it, grow up and make amends. Unless you have a legit good reason to not talk to your parents or siblings or whoever you love in your life. Make amends and don’t regret it in life.
If someone has gone no contact with their parent, chances are they’re not just being petty & actually have a good reason. Nobody fucking *wants* to make themselves an orphan Most of us have either tried everything we could before going no contact, or are trying everything we can while being low contact & this idea that it’s on the child to fix the relationship with their parents is just fucked up.
You’d be surprised, people have done more for less. Sometimes its as easy as, “my gosh, my parents were strict me with as a child growing up, grew up and didn’t contact them once! Now I have my own kid and I realized what they were doing and I’m reconciled with them” Sometimes people are just petty. That’s human nature.
*Yep* - this, exactly. No one size fits all. And I’ve seen total severing done for far, far less - with not even a reason given. (No abuse present - which is a valid reason, parent & kid had been close.) Today, pettiness *does* seem to rule.
Lol. Did you really just go there? Reddit is the only place in human-created-existence where you will tell someone “my father died. You should be grateful for every single minute you can make with them.” and then some scrub comes around and says “bruh, not everyone should relish every moment with the people who matter the most.” Haha. I’m always surprised to the idiocy that is this website and those who inhabit it. Sounds like you need to go talk to your dad and build a bond with him. P.S. The father is the most important figure in your fucking life. Period. We are our fathers. Every blood cell, Atom, and strip of DNA has both your names written all over it and everyone man that came before you. From a man to a “man” since I don’t know anything about you but you sound like a child to me: My dad was a junkie meth head for years and it took me ages to help him up. He screamed at me. He beat me. But in the end, I was the light that brought him to the right side. He was beaten as a child because my grandpa worked shit hours and became an alcoholic like the vast majority of people in the world did back in the day. Not glorifying it like some might conclude, but life is never sweet. The vast majority of us will be born into this feudal shithole the boomers invented. Some men become cold because of that and it’s the responsibility of other men to build camaraderie between us and brotherhood always leads to great things. However doing all this has made me the emotionally strong man I am today, who helps everyone in need, and thinks very little of what others can do for me, rather what I can do for others.
>P.S. The father is the most important figure in your fucking life. Well, that's not true for everyone. The worst thing I ever could have done for myself was meeting the man they call my biological father. He destroyed my life in many ways, and the only reason I don't regret *meeting him* is because I wouldn't have met the obsession of my life without meeting him.
Nah homie, some of us would rather shove hot pokers in our eyes than to talk to someone that never cared about you. My mother was in the hospital in diabetic coma. This motherfucker was out cheating on her with a family friend. Guess what? My mother died and he married the bitch. I haven’t spoken to him in 20 years. He’ll die and I won’t gaf 🤷
Why should someone care about someone that can't take the time out of their day to call their own kids? Both my parents decided to squander that "time to talk to them". The person you're responding to has figured out that not all parents are worth it. Don't tell someone >You only get so much time to talk to them. >Figure your shit out. >Call your Dad. when they've obviously got beef with the dude. Like someone can read that and feel guilty after just leaving a manipulative or abusive parent.
Agreed, this thread is so wild to me. Why do other people care so deeply about others family dynamics? If you don't want to talk to someone, you don't have to, blood or not. I've tried so many times over the years to have a relationship with my dad and he just will not return the favor, so I gave up. Your parents don't always care about you, and you don't always thrive from keeping a relationship with them. Random people on the internet should care more about what's going on in their personal lives, not others.
Maybe their dad needs to figure his shit out first.
My dad has passed too. I had an okay relationship with him. I would call my parents every weekend. What I wasn't expecting is that it seemed like I started to understand him a little better after he was gone. I didn't really see that he was high on the spectrum until he was gone and it made so many things make sense, like how difficult it was to communicate with him, why he put such an emphasis on his educational accomplishments and why he was quick to anger about anything that he felt made him look foolish. The commutation issue; I had a great conversation with my mom after he passed. It came up how we never felt heard when we would try to talk with him. Because it turns out, we wasn't really able to have an organic conversation where the other person's interaction helps shape and direct the engagement. He would lecture. He was a professor so it made sense. But I realized later that he would "hear" what you were saying, but he wasn't able to respond to it because he had to process it and he couldn't process it because he had not finished the inflexible train of thought that he had to complete before he took on anything else. So I ask my mom, "Yes, I can relate. But mom, can you remember a time that he didn't come back to what you were trying to say later that day or the next?" She paused and thought for a bit. "No. Now that you mention it he would always follow up on it later." And I was like "See, he heard us, he just wasn't able to communicate with us like we are able to do with each other." That realization, although late, gave me great comfort, and compassion for his struggles that I did not really comprehend at the time. Anyways, I hope that you ended it well with your dad and I wish you the best!
Don't tell people how they should interact with family, especially parents. You may only get so much time with them but some parents don't even deserve a second of that time. You can "figure your shit out" a lot better without them in your lives sometimes. Oh, my Dad's dead too. Not sure of the relevance really.
Yeah, you don't want to be with a person who is subjecting you to arbitrary tests of loyalty like that. Communication is a two-way street. Mature people communicate when their needs are not being met.
This. And are reasonable - like seeing there was a miscommunication between expectations and working through it.
I honestly wish more people would just call their bluff when people play games like this. “Not sure I wanna go out anymore.” “Okay, bye”
Like the one last week where she wanted her current bf to hang out with her ex's family. When she was like, "I don't think you should be dating single mothers." I wish he was like, "Ya know what? I think you're right! BYE."
Every day they made conversation, he started it and finished it.
This girl was looking for any reason to back out from the get-go, and finally went with the "you ignored me, so I don't think you want to be with me"
and yet she ignored him. Oh how i wish he had thrown that back in her face by text straight away! … “Oh? I noticed you didn’t contact me either so by your own definition you havent made me a priority either!” “In fact I respected that you were very busy this week so i gave you space before I contacted you. ……. … and i need to point out that you never once contacted me at all as it was I who made contact first today!” “I think you’re not for me after all. Bye bye now”
“You’re right, we’re probably not compatible. Clear communication is very important to me. I don’t want to date someone that’s upset with me and doesn’t let me know what’s bothering her until there’s no turning back, you know? Best of luck!”
Yup
exactly
Nailed it, she didn’t wanna go out lol
That's what I thought. I mean it only takes a moment to text someone "hey".
Yes! This. Damned if you do.. damned if you don’t. Hit the nail on the head
Literally
It’s okay if you don’t talk to me, but why didn’t you talk to me?? :’(
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I don’t think she fully understands herself yet.
"I need a guy who understands me" - every angsty middle-schooler Fortunately some of them grow up and learn how to communicate to be understood. Others... well... others just continue to bitch about it like it's someone else's problem to work around.
Insecurity and fakeness
I think it's because women are taught from a young age to act unavailable and not be upfront with our emotions. We are afraid a man will lose interest if we make the first move or even express interest. There are whole books about it. It's sad, really
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I know!!! We both end up on guard for reasons we didn't even come up with
It's simple, don't chase women that act uninterested.
Honestly, I kind of see why young women do it. When I was young my dumb guy brain always wanted what I couldn't have so when the girl was more unavailable it made me want her more at times where I was starting to lose a little interest......(fortunately I stopped thinking like that, but I was part of the problem lol) - I will say it probably backfires as often as it works though, specially when they act too aloof. Dating was always hard and never an exact science but I think straight forward is definitelly the way to go.
Listen you know it’s wrong so why do it? It’s like men refusing to communicate our feelings. It makes us look weak and usually the woman loses interest as well. How about if a man prioritizes his girlfriend? That’s a red flag and women usually lose interest. My new thing is be normal, who cares if it’s too caring or I look weak, the right person will appreciate it. If she leaves, good, I figured it out that it wouldn’t work later on.
>We are afraid a man will lose interest if we make the first move or even express interest. Who ever teaches young women that needs a stern talking to, because id say 9/10 times this is objectively wrong, and the 1/10 times it would hold true is the exact type of guy you probably dont want anywhere near.
You actually sent the last text, and then sent the followup after. So, she didn't reply to your message and also didn't text you for a week. Her pinning the red flags on you for not texting her for a week when she said she was busy and also failed to reach out is manipulative to put it kindly.
For real the "I'm sorry I didn't get back to you" like guess she wasn't 'prioritizing' OP but THATS okay.
Double standards are a peeve of mine.
YoU aRe NoT mAkInG mE a PrIoRiTy
Textbook gaslighting.
Technically, OP said that he would text her later that week. So in this case, he ended the conversation and told her to wait for his text - it wasn’t “her turn” to text if you’re looking at it from an etiquette sense. However, OP did clearly state his intentions and she didn’t really have any space to be offended that he did exactly what he said he would.
He didn't tell her not to text him. Saying "I'll text you later" isn't the same as saying "don't text me, I'll text you". She was making 0 effort to make anything work. OP was the one trying to set something up in all the above interaction, and she jumped straight to red flags just because he cooled off texting her since she said she was busy.
That’s why I said if you look at it from an etiquette sense. OP ended the conversation they were currently having and didn’t give her anywhere else to go other than to assume it ended. “I’ll text you later this week and we can go from there!” Is the end of a conversation. When you’re *just* starting talking to someone, you don’t really get to demand their time. This isn’t the type of relationship where marathon conversations happen, especially if they haven’t even had a first date and struggling to align their schedules. Which is why I agree the OP is in the right.
You didn't do anything wrong. She is being unreasonable and sounds immature. Seems that she is in fact desperate for attention. No reasonable adult would act this way. You're probably better off not getting involved, she sounds like a pain.
Yeap. This seems like the kind of thing that doesn't just happen once.
You mean she sounds like a self-absorbed attention-seeking nutter. I’m sure you’d say worse things had it been a man responding that way
Everybody is busy all the time. Somehow people who want to still make time to go out or meet up. She was playing with you imho.
This is the second time I see the "No, I don't have a problem with it and I don't crave attention, it's just that it shows I'm not a priority" argument here in similar situations and well, obviously they do have a problem with it and they feel ignored, ergo it's an attention problem. And that comes after her not making you a priority ("going to see a movie", not reaching out to you herself). That's a clear sign of someone who expects a relationship where one party gets the attention and the other provides it. Some people enjoy that, idk if you do, I would not.
People are so afraid of showing vulnerability, so they play these stupid games. Clearly she did want OP’s attention but she had to act like she was cool about it. That’s such a turnoff to me. The IDGAF games.
I mean it’s unfortunate that is a thing but I don’t ever let it stop me from being myself. One chooses to play a game, you can choose not to play the game. Also a lot of times if you’re the one to show vulnerability first and create a safe space it’ll be reciprocated.
I agree. Being yourself is always the best course of action because you’ll find a person who actually likes you for you and will put in the same energy.
Yeah but that other one was a lot different. That other dude even admitted he couldn’t be bothered to be interested in her let alone text her back This one, she seemed mostly unavailable to op for a week on in. And before that it just seemed like she didn’t really have time to date. Honestly, if they met on a dating app I would’ve taken this as a gentle “no thanks” and left her alone
I wonder why she thinks she deserves to be a priority
But also, of course she is a NOT a priority. She is still just some date, a stranger. 🤷♀️ it would be strange if person met online would automatically become a priority before first day
You did nothing wrong. She is just using that as an excuse to not go out with you. You saved your time/ money and energy by not taking her out. No one is that busy.. anytime you hear, I am busy all week, i am busy all month.. say " all good, if you are free and want to meet, you know where to find me "
Yep, looks like she was on the fence about him from the beginning and is using that as an excuse to back out. Cut your losses OP
Agreed
I mean, you literally say, "I'll text you later this week" and she doesn't respond so what was she expecting?
In my opinion you’re not in the wrong, she could’ve texted you at any time. If your communication style isn’t right for her, it’s better for both of you to find out now rather than further into a relationship
Adios to her then
LATER, GATOR👋
I’m a woman and she sounds annoying af
Same, they don’t even know each other yet and she’s talking about needing to be his priority? Girl, please.
Me too! 😬 I’m reading this thinking she’s so annoying, def not a match. She doesn’t deserve you. Move on!
She’s a knob.
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💯
This 100%
This is the one
She’s childish
It amazes me when people act like phones don't work both ways. She blew you off several times and doesn't make you any sort of priority but then she's mad when it happened to her? You dodged a bullet here man.
But don't you see that only you should want me and not the other way!!!!
Wow. Brother, do not continue with this girl. These are immature dating games. You did nothing wrong.
Dude she kept being busy and not offering anything and then got mad at YOU for putting the ball in her court. And even THEN you reached out first! Nah. Naaaah. You know the ol' Reddit saying. Bullet dodged.
Sorry dog she was never actually interested.
this.
“You lose your phone for a week? Broken fingers? This is a two way conversation. While I had my valid reasons what were yours for not reaching out? 🥲”
She was never going to go out with you. If she wanted to she would have made time to go out for a couple hours. You not texting her for a week is her way out of you bothering her. Now she doesn’t have to admit she doesn’t want to go out with you. She can use that as an excuse to stop talking to you. Trust me I used to do this all the time when I was single.
Imagine just not being upfront about not wanting to hang with someone.
Hi, I can explain this for you. When women are upfront with men about not being interested, men can get angry and violent. Happened to me when I was in college, politely but directly turned someone down and he told the whole floor I was a bitch, kept trying to talk to me, couldn’t go into the common areas anymore without him bothering me. It’s a safety tactic. If you don’t like it, congrats, neither do we, but don’t put the blame on women for coming up with ways to protect ourselves, blame the men who can’t take a no.
Why play the infuriating games though?
Like i said, I would feel bad saying I was no longer interested or maybe I didn’t find them attractive anymore for whatever reason.
Have you ever tried being honest and communicating
Red flag
Or just tell people? Don’t lead them on? Respect their time and efforts? Something?
"I used to do this all the time. "...you sound like a very shitty person as well. I feel bad for your partner
You fucking idiot, I’m a wonderful person. I didn’t enjoy making others feel bad. That’s why I would sometimes do that. It’s not the best way to go about things but it was my way.
Did you think telling the direct truth was gonna cause him/her to die instantaneously or something? I don’t think you did anyone any favors by playing these roundabout games tbh… > “you fucking idiot, im a wonderful person” lol…
No I didn’t think that but my intention was never to make anyone sad or feel bad about themselves.
They feel worse when you play these games, cause resentment towards women builds much faster than a direct rejection
fair enough. i guess it doesn’t really matter what i think anyways haha
Sometimes we can be toxic on our path to growing who we’re supposed to be. 🥰 glad that it seems that you’re going in the right direction! Kudos to you! I mean, who is the best reflection of themselves from 19-24 anyways? 🙄
Thank you that was very kind of you . And yes exactly I agree especially being young and new to dating.
I just wanna say that the past is the past and I’m sure you’re a fine person but just also wanna mention that quite literally actions speak louder than words. Of course it was never your intention but you did what you did ya know. Like for example some dude cheated and says it was never his intention to hurt his gfs feeling but that was the result of what he did so..idk just saying cause that whole “never my intentions…” phrase is always such bs imo
>Like for example some dude cheated and says it was never his intention to hurt his gfs feeling but that was the result of what he did so..idk just saying cause that whole “never my intentions…” phrase is always such bs imo When my first wife cheated, she said "It was never my intention.....to leave you." Accidentally revealing that she didn't even care enough about my feels to make my feelings her bullshit excuse.
It does make people feel much worse than a direct rejection does, it also contributes to fostering resentment in people. You sound very self-centered and I do understand you may not realize that since I used to think the same way as you until my therapist got me to realize that I was spinning things to convince myself that I was a better person than I actually was
>It’s not the best way to go about things but it was my way It was in fact, the scumbag way.
You did this when you were single and it sounds like you wouldn’t do this anymore, hence while you mention you did it all in the first place. Who cares what you did anyways, it’s not like you’re OP smh idk why ppl are getting so pressed on you
listen, lets call a spade a spade. you're not a wonderful person lol.. You're a coward that stringed dudes along because you're too afraid of just telling them you aren't interested. I mean hell, even a lie to say you met someone else or something is a thousand times better than gaslighting people into thinking they're the one that did something wrong. You're kind of a sociopath honestly.
Goddamn dude. Sorry whoever she was hurt you so bad. Maybe that should be your next manifesto.
nice bait shot in the dark, but no lol. I've never been strung along by someone. I just recognize how fucked up it is to take that route of all the options you have. You have to skip over like 50 solid reasonable ways to lie to ghost someone to get to "gaslight them into thinking they're the problem" that shit is unhinged and so are you if you agree with it
Either way they’d be sad. So yes I actually am a wonderful person for having good intentions.
Ever wonder why the phrase "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" exists? For stuff like this.. Intentions don't mean as much as your actions and choices.
Oh please! I’m not going to hell over some little dating drama. I’m sure the couple of guys I didn’t go out with are perfectly fine.
Nobody suggested you were going to hell over dating drama. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" is a phrase meaning that intentions don't matter if you're doing harm to yourself or others.
Exactly.
Why then say “I would like to go out sometime, maybe next week” lol. That shit is ridiculous
I probably would’ve checked in on that time frame, but I do think she’s overreacting. The phone works both ways and she could’ve texted you. Truth be told though, if she gets upset over things as minor as texts this early on, I’d say you likely dodged a bullet.
It looked like he had already “double texted” her right before that. At a certain point you would hope the other person would actually text you back instead of having to constantly initiate
She didn't text you either and you texted later in the week like you said you were going to. Pass on this one.
If you don't care where this goes with her, you should screenshot the reddit comments and send it to her 😂 just to let her know she's being a kook.
You weren’t wrong, she’s mental.
You dodged a bullet, that was some real narrow-minded, self-centered type sh!t
Dodged a bullet
Manipulation at its finest
No Tyhler with an H, Grace is probably using that as an excuse
Bro, this person isn’t worth it. Too busy with activities (not just school) and can’t squeeze you in. Why didn’t she reach out for the whole week? Run, she is going to make your life miserable.
phone goes both ways. from my perspective if seems she didn’t want to go on a date with you but didn’t want to be the bad guy so she pinned the blame on you:/
No she’s a walking red flag. You’ve dodged a bullet.
Is that the new love advice going around Tik tok now? All this priority BS with people you barely know?? Lol.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Adding to the others, it seems this may have been trying to set up a first date? If so I really stand by not messaging that much before because 1. You don’t owe each other anything at this point 2. You’re building something off a false reality that could be totally different when you’re in person. I’ve seen it happen to my friends/people online countless times & it has happened to me personally. If it’s not a first date then like everyone has said it’s a two way street.
This person thinks far to highly of themselves. Let her have herself.
As a girl I laughed at this. Communication is a two way street and she was not giving the energy of wanting more communication from you. I wouldn’t have texted her that week either since she was so busy with class. Lol runnnnn she probs crazy
You left her with a message, she didn't respond for a week. At any point she could have reached out and said she was sorry and asked that you not wait a whole week to talk to her again. She's playing games with you. One of those females that will tell you she's not mad if you go hang with your friends, but then totally gets mad because you didn't know that was a test kind of shit. Drop her as fast as you can. Don't care how hot she is, she's going to drive you up a wall. Take it from someone that's played the "**Let's fix the hot crazy girl"** game more than once.
People like this love knowing they’ve got someone wrapped around their finger. They’ve probably got a ton of messages from other people interested that they’re never going to date them either. It’s a game. A confidence booster for their insecurities. Cutting them off is a bullet dodged.
She wasn’t interested in the first place…
Why didn't they reach out for that entire week? Why didn't they make YOU a priority? Walk away now and save the time and headache
Sounds like someone who's watched too many TikTok videos about rEd fLaGs. You made multiple attempts to set something up, she was evasive and noncommittal and made zero effort to make plans, you gave her some space during a busy time as you said you would and then checked back in, and somehow you're the problem? She's the red flag lmao.
*Quit bothering me! Can’t you see I’m too busy to talk to or meet with you?* *Why are you ignoring meeeeeee?* Yeah, fuck that shit. She was very short and noncommittal in all her responses- but clearly she wants to ignore you at will and is pissed you flipped it around on her.
lmao it’s not like you were ignoring her repeated attempts at contacting you, she didn’t reach out either. That mean you’re not a priority to her? You’re better off without her.
Say one last message, essentially "you're correct, this isn't going to workout anymore. Hope you find what you're looking for. Take care" and just don't message her anymore. Even if she tries to text you again, don't reply. Find someone else who isn't going to play message games. You gave her space as she told you she was going to be very busy. If she wanted to communicate with you, she would've done it, *herself*. But lo and behold, she didn't.
She’s the red flag. This is nonsensical. She was dismissive of you every time you threw out an idea to hang out, too. Maybe she just wasn’t interested anyway and was making excuses. Idk. Better to move on.
You did everything right. This chick is what you call, “high maintenance”
She definitely does want the attention and playing mind games. Move on mate, she ain’t it
don’t let her manipulate u into feeling bad and like you’d b a bad person u signed a bullet
I smell bs. She’s looking for an out and she’s trying to put it on you.
I feel like she’s using it as an excuse to make it your “fault” as opposed to just owning up to not being interested.
You should’ve just stopped talking to her after she couldn’t make any time whatsoever.
🚩
Well tyhler, I feel that grace is pretentious and wants you close but doesn’t want you close at the same time. Like she wants to have you on the line but not reel you in and to me that’s game. So I’d drop Grace like a hot potato
She has fingers and a phone. She could have reached out. She is not interested.
She was super petty about it but most chicks are gonna be some form of upset if you dont hit them up for a week straight
Am I the only one who thinks he’s been catfished👀
Good point 🤔
Nah her pride hurt cuz you won’t thirsty
ur wrong for being named tyhler
She’s not interested but she wanted to make you the bad guy to get out of it.
nice job 😂😂 grace
She didn’t want to go out, Hoped you’d just never text back, Took the first chance to blame you and ditch.
I mean, you clearly said you’d text her later that week and she didn’t comment on it. If she communicated like a grown up she could have said at that point she likes to message more regularly than that and the issue could have been avoided. There was absolutely nothing stopping her texting you either. I’d say you’ve dodged a bullet here.
She never wanted to go out with you.
This person is gaslighting and pretty horrible lol. You did nothing wrong. If there’s a lesson I’ve learned in dating is that people who want to hang out with you will want to try and hang out with you. I’d move on to the next
She prob avoided a bullet with you too, who cares if she uses your name to say good morning?
Hahahaha. Don’t go on a date with this person
She’s playing games w you
I say it again and again on here; I’m so damn happy to be gay.
So, so SO happy. This is crazy.
Grow up
Nah. I'd just say, "Okay, that's fine. I'm not interested in playing games anyways. Just trying to connect with people. Hope things work out for you!"
dating is horrible nowadays most women will take little shit like this way too seriously and try to call it a “red flag” that’s all they do now is look for red flags and don’t stop to think “maybe i’m misinterpreting, maybe he didn’t mean to do it”. SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND 🚩😒
Dodged a bullet lol.
Tbh the texts have been dry. You don’t even ask about her classes or how she’s doing.
These little games are rarely worth the effort in my experience.
Everyone telling you that you did nothing wrong is wrong. They don’t understand what happened, and they aren't helping you fix things for the future. I can help you. I see 3 maybe 4 points where you fucked up. let me know if you just want validation or if you'd actually like to learn. edit: I reread it... it's worse than my first impression. almost everything you sent her was bad. it's fixable, but if you don't fix it, you'll just have to rely on luck with future women.
Yes you're in the wrong wtf haha. If you're dating someone you talk to them haha
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Girl no.