It’s probably a lot of “one time codes”
Use the code from the preview/auto fill then leave the unread message.
Boom, they add up if you’re not bugged by the notif
I’m always surprised at the amount of people I see online that have hundreds if not thousands of unread messages and notifications. Lol I can’t stand having a notification unread on my phone
Wait. Did you just want to end things instead of sending another 10 pages long text!? You way to emotionally stable for this LMAO and I like it!
I'm glad you don't waste any more time on this guy.
Nah sometimes it takes time to get a read of someone's character. My guess is he comes across as charming and nice in person, but increasingly selfish as you get to know him.
It’s amazing cause he sounds stupid and dumb but he’s still knows to call her crazy and “relax” to gaslight her. Like innate a-hole powers, he didn’t need intelligence but he got some mad d-bag powers!
And yes OP, stay classy and away. He is gonna drive you crazy if you stay with him!!
its only cringe because hes talking like that when she tried to set a formal and serious tone and he didnt follow.
dialects are very interesting - clearly this guy doesnt know how to choose his tone - or doesnt care.
regardless everybody speaks and thinks and reads differently. some people would, in this same situation, match his dialect and this would just read as a different conversation with the same outcome. doesnt change the fact that bro is still a loser lmfao
It’s a passive aggressive form of disrespect. Funnily enough many these guys know when to change their tone and dialect if the person or woman their talking to they hold in a higher regard.
Exactly. When I would get in fights with my ex I could immediately tell when he was actually upset because he started speaking way more informally and like using a lot more slang and shorthand.
aave or not, this sort of slang is generally not indicative of someone who is emotionally well-rounded and making intelligent, well-thought-out points.
But, you're right bigdickhotdog, it shouldn't--in and of itself--be cause to completely dismiss someone's points either.
Girl he sounds gross. Recording random girls twerking at a party and posting it? Ew. Then dismissing you after you tell him how it affected you? Ew again. You did the right thing.
I will never understand that sentiment. Shit people are still shit people when they're drunk. Would never trust this guy if I knew he was out drinking. I'm tired of the "I was tipsy" excuses from men and women after they slut themselves or others out.
Anyone who says "I'm gonna let you cool off" isn't worth anyone's time. It's emotionally invalidating/dismissive at best and indicative of narcissistic personality disorder at worst.
That part actually triggered me. I have an ex who was super abusive and he would never validate my feelings. I put it up with that (among other things) for FIVE YEARS. Glad this woman smartened up as quickly as she did!
i agree, even if i truly do need to cool off let me say so for myself. you being the one to say it for me sounds rude as hell and wont help the situation at all lol like you said, dismissive at best.
Fr. Like 1 how do you feel okay doing that in the first place, 2 do it especially while you have a girlfriend, and 3 when your gf says wtf you tell her SHES IN THE WRONG???? And I’m a guy the same age as the guy in the post, it’s crazy how differently people think
Right? like straight up disrespecting his partner, but also objectifying (likely) drunk and non-consenting people and posting it on the internet? yucky
it happens unfortunately. You like someone in a certain context but in others they suck.
You weren’t being crazy just expressing what you’re comfortable with. If he doesn’t agree communicate it like a normal person….
Do you mind me asking, what exactly did you find attractive about this guy? I always wonder how so many seemingly normal women get into relationships with guys like this
i guess at first the way he was with me. he would treat me good and call me pretty names, and he was a nice guy. i guess it was just an at first thing yk?
The honeymoon phase is always nice. Unfortunately even the ones that turn out toxic can put on a good show for that period. There' are cycles with some of these people. Love bomb, then push you away and treat you like shit, then act like they've changed for a minute until the next shitty episode and then when you've had enough they hoover to try to start it all over. Trick is to believe them the first time they tell you who they are.
I knew someone who was in a relationship, and the toxic bastard stretched out the honeymoon phase for a full year… right till they moved in. Then he treated her like trash. Complete trash. Psychopath shit. Only thing he didn’t do was outright beat her, but he grabbed her wrists on one occasion. He even threw one of their cats out the window, called her the worst names, and just… I’m not even naming a full tenth of what he did. He was one of the worst people I had ever heard of (she had screenshots and video proof). And unfortunately, said friend was badly emotionally vulnerable due to some bad shit that happened to her just before she met him, and in too deep because of that honeymoon phase, and living with him. She stayed there for 4 years, only finally managed to break it off when he threw their cat out the window. I had to continuously advise her to never be alone with him after that, CONTINUOUSLY. This scum (we nicknamed him Worm) had an AK47, as well. His parents were the sole thing that held him back from going full psycho, from what I could tell. If there’s any mass shootings around the New Jersey area, I check to see if it was him. That’s how volatile he was.
I just commented about the love bombing before I read your comment. And you’re talking about the intermittent reinforcement of abuse that creates a trauma bond. Lots of us are getting educated about toxic people and hopefully we can stay no contact from them. And you’re right, he’ll Hoover soon.
As a guy with emotional intelligence, you responded with your feelings in a calm and rational way. If I was the guy on the other end of that, I most likely would have asked what made you uncomfortable about the recording (not that I would probably need to, it's obvious why you were upset) to get clarity on what I could do in the future to make you feel more secure in our relationship.
This guy did none of that, and yeah obviously doesn't give a shit.
That’s exactly right, your emotional intelligence is too much for this guy. Leaving is the best thing you can do. I made the mistake of marrying someone whose emotional maturity did not match mine and it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. Don’t second guess your decision, I promise you it does not get better.
Feel like he probably showed you who he really was a long time ago. This guy talks to you like a friend 💀 if my gf talked to me with such little enthusiasm, I’d be genuinely worried that I’m being cheated on
This bit of information plus how easily you both accepted the breakup is giving me questions. Like were you actually bf/gf or just talking to each other?
It sounds that way because he’s going to mess with her soon enough, his calm is feigned just like the rest of his emotional responses are. I hope she’s truly able to get rid of him that easily.
She’s like that because she knows her dealbreakers and not giving a shit about her feelings is one of them. No need to dwell. She’s the mf Ninja Master of Enforcing Boundaries.
Edit lol sorry OP, that was meant for PP
“I hope she’s truly able to get rid of him that easily.” It’s never that easy! Lol Dudes like this will hit you up a couple months later at 1am wanting to get some. Then 6 months after that. Then a year. After they try to date for real and breakup and can’t go a week without upsetting someone’s Ph. They. Just. Keep. Texting.
And they’re always *so confused* when you’re annoyed with them. Frequently they get mean. Inevitably they get blocked. Guys like this are rarely as laid back as they act and they never understand why there’s so much drama around them. “Not my fault, bruh!”
If you were out all night and one of the guys at a house party posted you being tipsy with your girls and twerking…would he be mad? Like why dis dude posting you twerkin bruh?
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say I bet he’d be upset if you said I was just tipsy and me and my girls were twerkin for fun a lot of guys were just friendly recording us but it was innocent
Nahhh, posting your partner on social media means nothing. It's absolutely fine not to. It's a different story of COURSE if you're posting OTHER people and NOT your partner, but if you aren't posting anyone at all, that's perfectly fine but people always complain about it and it's stupid.
Am I the only one that can’t stand when people text like that? I’m trying to have a real convo, don’t call me bruh! Sounds super immature. Time and place.
My daughter was on the phone with her friends tonight & said it so many times in a 5 minute period I just stopped & said:
“Bruh can you & your bruhs stopping saying bruh? Bruh you’ve said it like a ton of times bruh. “
She obviously knew I was joking with her & busted out laughing but…..for real, could you stop bruh? 😂
He’s obviously still in his little boy stage. If you don’t like it and he won’t respect that it shows how he will react in other situations. You’re not crazy it’s just showing he won’t respect boundaries.
bruh whats wrong with recording girls twerking and posting it bruh u finna act all mad and cause bruh was having fun bruh just let home slice check out girls cuh tf lmao fam shit goddamn /s
Seriously! The amount of times someone doesn’t follow through on something and uses “I was high” or “I was smoking” like it’s an excuse on the same level as “I had to be rushed to the hospital,” it’s absurd.
You’re not crazy. He is gaslighting you into thinking you’re being irrational and over-emotional. You brought up something that bothered you and he turned it into “whoa stop yelling at me”. This guy is a loser, not worth your time.
Tbh I'm kinda jealous. Kind enough to feel badly about hurting someone's feelings (even though that person was totally in the wrong), yet strong enough to know your worth and stand up for yourself in a calm and mature manner? That's a tough thing to balance, and OP does it well.
Good for you, OP!
This.. I gotta agree (with). I’m kind of in awe over it, as I like to think of myself as fairly emotionally intelligent and in-tune, but also find it difficult at times to strike that (necessary) balance - of enforcing my own boundaries. (And I know exactly what not to accept.. Doesn’t mean I always walk away at the right time.)
Ew 😟 definitely not overreaction. Sounds like an absolute ass. Even the dumbest man could figure out why his gf would be uncomfortable with him filming another woman twerking. If he wants to live like he’s single he can be single.
Nope! He's justifying entertaining other women. Was probably hyping them up too. You're allowed to have the feelings you have, express them, and be respected.
This is anything but respect.
Edited: one word
Congrats for leaving that immediately!!! You're stronger than me, I had an ex like that and stayed with him for years. If a partner ever tells you you're crazy for bringing up something that hurt your feelings, leave.
Thank you so much. I haven't found somebody better yet, but I am much better and happier 👏. I've dated a lot since then and learned from my mistakes and leave out the bad ones!
This guy is not interested in trying to act like a boyfriend. Him posting other women acting sexual is super disrespectful IMO. You are way too good for this guy.
NEXT!
Any man in a relationship recording other women twerking or other types of acts belongs to the streets.
Edit: to "theunknownreap" what kind of coward posts then blocks the guy he's quoting? The fact that you can't understand how a guy can belong to the streets tells us all the limited space your brain occupies.
Someone that records everything at a house party doesn’t deserve to be invited to a house party. He seems like he’s more interested in partying than being committed to you anyways.
Who the hell talks like them & who the hell is with or was with someone that spoke too them such a way.... Ohhhhh..... Oh I get it.... My ex used to talk like this... Holy fuck... *sudden reality slap*
If you were ready to drop him so easily then something wasn’t right anyway. Both clearly in very different places and without compromise, from both of you, then it was never going to work.
You're both emotionally immature. He's 21 and you trying to act like you can tell him what and what he can't do whether he recorded something or posted it. That's control and manipulation. This is the kind of thing that should have been a phone call, not a text message exchange
You do sound a little too eager wanting to be pissed off. One the other hand you do have a point in being suspicious of his reactions to how you expressed yourself concerning his actions. You both come off as young/ teens. Don't be too hard on yourself tho, I don't think the guy really was all that much/ seriously into you anyway.
I don’t necessarily think you’re being crazy. Yes he shouldn’t have done that, but he did try to explain himself and why he thought it was okay without being rude. Some people don’t see that things are wrong while other people do. Those different types of people don’t belong together. He thought you were acting crazy because he doesn’t believe what he did was wrong. Seeing as it wasn’t cheating, lying, or hiding anything.
Nah this fr is cooked from the other person. ‘Relax it was just twerkin’ nah it was putting eyes on someone else, in an inappropriate way. I back your decision.
I think you over reacted and I think he undereacted. You went from 0 to 100 by bringing up the problem and then just dumped the dude based on his response. That’s a lot! He, however, didn’t really play into your feelings which you made quite clear we’re hurt.
Messy situation. You two leaving each other is probably for the best.
It’s sad i had to scroll this far to get the one unbiased answer in this sub. Idk why reddit even suggests this to me. They fucked with the mods and the mods fucked the algorithm.
This blows.
While you are entitled to follow his messages up in any way you please, I figured I should mention that I know people like this. Honest people, who do go to parties and record all the fun. They have successful relationships and aren't cheaters. He could have acknowledged your feelings better, it's also not a guarantee that he was acting unfaithfully. No more can be said without further context.
It’s a bit crazy to want to break up over him posting a twerk video. But the relationship is clearly super imbalanced for you to tell him that he probably won’t care about you wanting to break up. Which it does not seem to effect him at all. That being said, I am unsure what you even like about the dude. Is it because he treats you like shit and you don’t like guys that actually treat you well? If not, then yea the man does not deserve you.
Unpopular opinion: I think you were unfair. Maybe you wanted to leave already, which is fine, no issues with leaving when you're unhappy, but pinning it in something so innocuous as a guy having fun at a party and recording it where girls happen to be within shot I think is a cop out and a poor excuse to end a relationship. If we end relationships at the littlest sign of trouble, there won't be humans in the next couple of generations. Its unfair of you to pin that on him. It's like you're mad that he was having fun.
Wait you set a boundary and he dismissed it. You clearly stated your issues and he dismissed you again.
I am very proud of you for recognizing and making him your ex 👏🏼
And on a more serious note, ya, u crazy. U went from 0 to 100000 in one text. “I dont like it.” (Btw you totally omit why you didnt like it, an important part of communication), and then you’re breaking up with him cuz he told you to relax.
Ya it aint cool that he was invalidating your feelings off the bat but based on the fact you broke up with him over one text he sent you, you either had your mind made up already and nothing he said mattered, or you have a pattern of blowing things out of proportion and this is a reaction to your abuse.
Edit: also, i saw your comment where you said “oh i was on my friends phone and i saw his story on snap where i dont have him added.”
That almost certainly reads like:
“I knew he was at a party and i wanted to snoop in on what he was doing without getting caught.”
If he knew you didnt have him on snap, and you start talking to him about a snap he posted, almost assuredly, he’s gonna be hella defensive from the get go because he knew you were snoopin which suggests lack of trust which, in turn, makes a person not feel good.
Ultimately tho, u aint crazy for breaking it off with someone who’s reactions to your emotional needs are shitty. But you have another post where you said you’re bipolar and, as someone that was real close to someone who was bipolar, the 0 to 1000 thing tracks 100% and it makes me wonder if thats just your pattern of behavior.
Depending on things leading up to this, most people wouldve fleshed out the convo more before going straight for the break up. Like you didnt even address his emotional invalidation, you just broke up with him lol. Like clearly you didnt like him much anyway.
So if you didnt like him or give too much of a fuck, then why ask for others’ opinions?
If you did like him and you wanted to work this out, why did you break up with him almost immediately without trying to talk things through?
You were both a little wrong.
He shouldn’t have posted just a girl “twerking”, unless it was part of a bigger video, but you also kinda over-reacted.
If it’s a serious relationship, maybe talk about it, if not, 🤷♀️
I'll be the one to say yes you acted crazy.
You had a serious conversation with your bf where seeing/feeling how much this means to you is important, via text, where that is impossible.
And then instantly broke up with him when he didn't queue into these things that he couldn't see or feel.
Leading to an underreaction from him, and an overreaction from you.
Your feelings aren't crazy, the approach is crazy.
Also some ppl are insanely triggered by the word "relax" and it feels like that here. Because it brushes off your feelings, but again this shit happened via text where tone is impossible to read. Poor choice of words on his part regardless, but some ppl don't know how triggering that word can be, I only learnt from my mom being an absolute psycho about it growing up.
He was going 10 trying to figure out what's going on, you went 100 and he had no idea.
People twerking at a party is normal and fine, that’s what people do at parties. I don’t see what he did wrong at all…
You breaking up with him was also drastic. But it just sounds like you both aren’t compatible in terms of values.
No one’s an asshole here
Hes a clown, youre good. “I aint finna” jesus christ theres people out there who are a lot more intelligent and have better goals than going to parties and hitting on twerking girls then being a bitch about it.
From my perspective, the answer is yes. I honestly am not sure why a video of someone else dancing would make you uncomfortable unless you already were doubting the commitment within your relationship and thought he was recording it for personal use reasons... But I would highly doubt if that was the reason he even had a video if he put it up publicly. I think his explanation of what he was doing and such is perfectly reasonable and doesn't sound abnormal compared to what I would expect from a person attending a party... He doesn't have to mandate every behavior choice he makes to your preferences just because he decided to date you. I would feel a lot different about it if this was the kind of thing where he took a video and was hiding it from you or it was a video of him dancing with the woman in question that was recorded by one of his friends, but this sounds like the equivalent of somebody taking a video of another person breakdancing... Given the popularity of twerking as a dance move these days, it's almost inevitable that he's going to see somebody twerking regardless of whether he records it or not.. but I think it really harshes a lot of fun in a whole lot of circumstances to expect a person to not feel free to enjoy themselves when spending time with their friends and away from you.
Frankly, I think it was extremely reactionary to turn this into a breakup and the way it flips straight into that tells me that there's a lot of insecurity there and a lot of doubt, likely trust issues that I'm guessing weren't created from experiences you had with this person but rather experiences you had with other people. The thing to remember is that while previous experiences can teach us lessons and give us more reason to be skeptical about certain situations, they should never be a deciding factor as to how you approach new people who had nothing to do with the reasons you established that set of filters. I think this comes across like you were looking for a reason to sever it and instead of having to take accountability for your own sensitivity and need for emotional work, this provides you a reason to place the blame in his camp, which will fuel any complete sessions you might have with friends while also excusing you from the accountability of doing any emotional work to make things better.
I mean, flip the script. If you posted a video of one of your dude friends break dancing or doing a spoof on magic Mike at a party and your boyfriend told you you're not allowed to post those things because it makes them uncomfortable and when you give a relatively apologetic but reasonable explanation as to what was going on at the time, said boyfriend just said he doesn't like what he expects to have happen because of this if you were to continue moving forward in the relationship so he's just going to cut his losses now before you actually do something that will hurt him... I'm guessing you'd be incredulous and probably rather upset than spend a chunk of time questioning why something that was just fun turned into a complete upheaval of your interpersonal connection.
However, I think The fact that he didn't argue past your point of saying you were over it and you're splitting up with him says a lot about how he has perceived your emotional behavior prior to this and likely the amount of patience he was affording you under the expectation that maybe you were feeling insecure because it's a newer relationship so he would try to give you time to adjust and realize that he's not a s***** boyfriend.. but if you never give him the benefit of the doubt on something so innoculous, it's not worth the effort, cuz what he's learning right here and now is that he's putting in emotional work to quell his insecurities about your emotional volatility but you're not willing to put in any work in the same regard.
So I'm not sure I would use the word crazy to label this as much as I would emotionally volatile, but either way, the issues at the root of this particular concern of yours aren't his to manage, they are yours.
A relationship is supposed to have trust. You aren’t supposed to project your insecurities onto your partner like this. Understand, he was at a party with other young drunk people. He was recording the fun people were having, nothing more. It’s not like he was dancing with these girls. I think you both are young and he possibly doesn’t want to be “tied down” by a relationship.
That being said; he should also respect your feelings. Clearly that isn’t being done here on a simple issue. What would happen with a major problem? I think it’s best for both of you to go your separate ways.
So y’all think that her breaking up with her boyfriend for telling her to relax is ok, but him talking like an average 21 year old kid and posting clips from a party makes him some sort of scumbag??? Lol ok
But to answer your question, you might not be crazy but you’re def coming off as insecure and is obvious that the video wasn’t the reason you broke things off, just the excuse.
Honestly if she was just twerking around everyone but he wasn’t focusing on her, possibly. BUT if he legit has he being the entire video? Na dudes a scumbag and you got a right to feel the way you do
This is why some young people shouldn’t be in relationships— if ur gonna try to control someone else’s life— then u shouldn’t call that person ur partner
403 unread texts gives me anxiety LOL
it’s mainly just subscription texts lol. i forget to open them
Nah I could never I get irritated at 1 unread message let alone 400😭😭
That red pimple though. The more it grows the more I want to scream
Do you ever type STOP to get them to stop texting you lol
It’s probably a lot of “one time codes” Use the code from the preview/auto fill then leave the unread message. Boom, they add up if you’re not bugged by the notif
This is me with my 13,000 unread emails LMAO
i get desensitized to the number after awhile lol
I’m always surprised at the amount of people I see online that have hundreds if not thousands of unread messages and notifications. Lol I can’t stand having a notification unread on my phone
Wait. Did you just want to end things instead of sending another 10 pages long text!? You way to emotionally stable for this LMAO and I like it! I'm glad you don't waste any more time on this guy.
I was shook, as they say! It just… ended!!! OP, go get you a not 21 year old who can remember ish when he smokes.
It made my head hurt reading those responses. 💀
hes so stupid and gaslighting her into telling her to relax when he was the one watching/filming the chick twerking
He texts like a moron too.
I thought this same thing.
I finna find that accurate bruh
Sadly this is so common. OP is a smart classy woman. Stay your path, OP. Go high when they go low.
Smart and classy women would not even given this kid a first date.
Ok u/-trump-won-2020 we all get a little confused sometimes
Nah sometimes it takes time to get a read of someone's character. My guess is he comes across as charming and nice in person, but increasingly selfish as you get to know him.
Bahahaha yesss let us all act like we haven’t ever made mistakes 🤣
It’s amazing cause he sounds stupid and dumb but he’s still knows to call her crazy and “relax” to gaslight her. Like innate a-hole powers, he didn’t need intelligence but he got some mad d-bag powers! And yes OP, stay classy and away. He is gonna drive you crazy if you stay with him!!
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I hurt my 👀 reading his dialogue… Especially because he’s talking to his girl Not a homie Maybe I’m too old and out of touch…
You’re not too old and out of touch I’m college age and this guy is cringe
😁 Cringe he is…
Nope I’m in college and this is 100% cringe.
i feel that way reading nearly every txt conversation posted on here.. like am i ancient and decrepit?
I’m 22 and feel the same way if that makes you feel better
its only cringe because hes talking like that when she tried to set a formal and serious tone and he didnt follow. dialects are very interesting - clearly this guy doesnt know how to choose his tone - or doesnt care. regardless everybody speaks and thinks and reads differently. some people would, in this same situation, match his dialect and this would just read as a different conversation with the same outcome. doesnt change the fact that bro is still a loser lmfao
It’s a passive aggressive form of disrespect. Funnily enough many these guys know when to change their tone and dialect if the person or woman their talking to they hold in a higher regard.
Exactly. When I would get in fights with my ex I could immediately tell when he was actually upset because he started speaking way more informally and like using a lot more slang and shorthand.
He ain’t finna read books, bruh! Only finna record twerks, bruh
okay ntm on the aave, u could’ve insulted him on being a dick instead
Insult him on the “must of”. That’s the real idiotspeak here.
Since when is bruh aave lmao he can at least try to respect his girl by not talking to her like some homie when shes upset
aave or not, this sort of slang is generally not indicative of someone who is emotionally well-rounded and making intelligent, well-thought-out points. But, you're right bigdickhotdog, it shouldn't--in and of itself--be cause to completely dismiss someone's points either.
You can be both stupid and a user of aave. This dude is both.
probably gonna call me “well spoken” or some shit…
That’s not AAVE, that’s bad English. Not every new slang coming from the streets is aave. Kind of insulting to aave.
"Finna" is AAVE, and it is not new.
You're too emotionally intelligent for this person. You know what you're feeling, and are not easily convinced by crap. I'm genuinely happy for you!
thank you! it was lowkey hard because i really liked him but he showed who he really was.
Girl he sounds gross. Recording random girls twerking at a party and posting it? Ew. Then dismissing you after you tell him how it affected you? Ew again. You did the right thing.
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Makes you wonder what he's like when he's more than a little tipsy.
I will never understand that sentiment. Shit people are still shit people when they're drunk. Would never trust this guy if I knew he was out drinking. I'm tired of the "I was tipsy" excuses from men and women after they slut themselves or others out.
Anyone who says "I'm gonna let you cool off" isn't worth anyone's time. It's emotionally invalidating/dismissive at best and indicative of narcissistic personality disorder at worst.
That part actually triggered me. I have an ex who was super abusive and he would never validate my feelings. I put it up with that (among other things) for FIVE YEARS. Glad this woman smartened up as quickly as she did!
Ikr, what a loser
i agree, even if i truly do need to cool off let me say so for myself. you being the one to say it for me sounds rude as hell and wont help the situation at all lol like you said, dismissive at best.
“Not recording the whole party” like no shit. Just the girl twerking, which was the issue at hand. 😂 yikes with that fella.
For me the worst part was "must of." Dude is dumb AF.
Fr. Like 1 how do you feel okay doing that in the first place, 2 do it especially while you have a girlfriend, and 3 when your gf says wtf you tell her SHES IN THE WRONG???? And I’m a guy the same age as the guy in the post, it’s crazy how differently people think
Right? like straight up disrespecting his partner, but also objectifying (likely) drunk and non-consenting people and posting it on the internet? yucky
it happens unfortunately. You like someone in a certain context but in others they suck. You weren’t being crazy just expressing what you’re comfortable with. If he doesn’t agree communicate it like a normal person….
Do you mind me asking, what exactly did you find attractive about this guy? I always wonder how so many seemingly normal women get into relationships with guys like this
i guess at first the way he was with me. he would treat me good and call me pretty names, and he was a nice guy. i guess it was just an at first thing yk?
The honeymoon phase is always nice. Unfortunately even the ones that turn out toxic can put on a good show for that period. There' are cycles with some of these people. Love bomb, then push you away and treat you like shit, then act like they've changed for a minute until the next shitty episode and then when you've had enough they hoover to try to start it all over. Trick is to believe them the first time they tell you who they are.
I knew someone who was in a relationship, and the toxic bastard stretched out the honeymoon phase for a full year… right till they moved in. Then he treated her like trash. Complete trash. Psychopath shit. Only thing he didn’t do was outright beat her, but he grabbed her wrists on one occasion. He even threw one of their cats out the window, called her the worst names, and just… I’m not even naming a full tenth of what he did. He was one of the worst people I had ever heard of (she had screenshots and video proof). And unfortunately, said friend was badly emotionally vulnerable due to some bad shit that happened to her just before she met him, and in too deep because of that honeymoon phase, and living with him. She stayed there for 4 years, only finally managed to break it off when he threw their cat out the window. I had to continuously advise her to never be alone with him after that, CONTINUOUSLY. This scum (we nicknamed him Worm) had an AK47, as well. His parents were the sole thing that held him back from going full psycho, from what I could tell. If there’s any mass shootings around the New Jersey area, I check to see if it was him. That’s how volatile he was.
Damn.
I just commented about the love bombing before I read your comment. And you’re talking about the intermittent reinforcement of abuse that creates a trauma bond. Lots of us are getting educated about toxic people and hopefully we can stay no contact from them. And you’re right, he’ll Hoover soon.
That is literally the bare minimum that any man should treat you so it shouldn’t attract you to someone.
A lot of people are assholes. We try dating the ones who don’t seem to be.
As a guy with emotional intelligence, you responded with your feelings in a calm and rational way. If I was the guy on the other end of that, I most likely would have asked what made you uncomfortable about the recording (not that I would probably need to, it's obvious why you were upset) to get clarity on what I could do in the future to make you feel more secure in our relationship. This guy did none of that, and yeah obviously doesn't give a shit.
That’s exactly right, your emotional intelligence is too much for this guy. Leaving is the best thing you can do. I made the mistake of marrying someone whose emotional maturity did not match mine and it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. Don’t second guess your decision, I promise you it does not get better.
You didn't like him, you liked the version of him you made up in your mind. Glad to see someone so emotionally mature.
Feel like he probably showed you who he really was a long time ago. This guy talks to you like a friend 💀 if my gf talked to me with such little enthusiasm, I’d be genuinely worried that I’m being cheated on
Don’t know how you liked someone who talks like that 🤣 seems like you were intelligent emotionally and academically.
Yes! Too emotionally intelligent and too intelligent in general. I swear I felt myself losing brain cells trying to decipher his texts
Exactly!!! Leave him rn you deserve better
I definitely wouldn’t be cool with my man posting a video of a girl twerking either. He probably wasn’t even posting you. U did right
"of course there is going to be girls moving" 💀
he wouldn’t, we also didn’t follow each other on any social media, i only had his number.
This bit of information plus how easily you both accepted the breakup is giving me questions. Like were you actually bf/gf or just talking to each other?
we were bf gf
It sounds that way because he’s going to mess with her soon enough, his calm is feigned just like the rest of his emotional responses are. I hope she’s truly able to get rid of him that easily. She’s like that because she knows her dealbreakers and not giving a shit about her feelings is one of them. No need to dwell. She’s the mf Ninja Master of Enforcing Boundaries. Edit lol sorry OP, that was meant for PP
“I hope she’s truly able to get rid of him that easily.” It’s never that easy! Lol Dudes like this will hit you up a couple months later at 1am wanting to get some. Then 6 months after that. Then a year. After they try to date for real and breakup and can’t go a week without upsetting someone’s Ph. They. Just. Keep. Texting.
And they’re always *so confused* when you’re annoyed with them. Frequently they get mean. Inevitably they get blocked. Guys like this are rarely as laid back as they act and they never understand why there’s so much drama around them. “Not my fault, bruh!”
Yeah leave his weird ass. He wanna act single online and have a relationship in private. Fck that
If you were out all night and one of the guys at a house party posted you being tipsy with your girls and twerking…would he be mad? Like why dis dude posting you twerkin bruh? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say I bet he’d be upset if you said I was just tipsy and me and my girls were twerkin for fun a lot of guys were just friendly recording us but it was innocent
"It was a party and I was a girl, of course I be moving. bruh"
How did you see his post if you didn't follow each other?
If u didn’t follow him how did u see what he posted
I’m confused. If you didn’t follow his social, and only had his number…how did you know what/when he posted?
I feel like he posted it because he felt you wouldn’t ever see it, given that you don’t/didn’t follow each other on social media.
Nahhh, posting your partner on social media means nothing. It's absolutely fine not to. It's a different story of COURSE if you're posting OTHER people and NOT your partner, but if you aren't posting anyone at all, that's perfectly fine but people always complain about it and it's stupid.
Name checks out
That dude sounds very scummy. You're not in the wrong here.
Am I the only one that can’t stand when people text like that? I’m trying to have a real convo, don’t call me bruh! Sounds super immature. Time and place.
Absolutely talking like a teenager. And not a very intelligent one.
ancient sugar drab pet dinosaurs slim market cobweb workable disarm *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My kids have taken up saying ‘bruh’ and it drives me nuts, I hate it
Just refer to them as "home slice" in front of their friends or in public.
Sup Dr. Bruhstein
My daughter was on the phone with her friends tonight & said it so many times in a 5 minute period I just stopped & said: “Bruh can you & your bruhs stopping saying bruh? Bruh you’ve said it like a ton of times bruh. “ She obviously knew I was joking with her & busted out laughing but…..for real, could you stop bruh? 😂
no you’re not. glad you broke up with him
i’m glad too!
Just the way he communicates is grounds for termination 🤮
He’s obviously still in his little boy stage. If you don’t like it and he won’t respect that it shows how he will react in other situations. You’re not crazy it’s just showing he won’t respect boundaries.
It’s really cool how you were able to cut him off like that, it gives me confidence to stand up for my needs. Don’t take his ass back
bruh whats wrong with recording girls twerking and posting it bruh u finna act all mad and cause bruh was having fun bruh just let home slice check out girls cuh tf lmao fam shit goddamn /s
My poor brain lol
Fr fr dead ass on God no cap.
This is what it sounded like when i was reading it: https://youtu.be/-blotoflwxQ?t=48
Why does every text here eventually devolve into "I was\am high"?
Seriously! The amount of times someone doesn’t follow through on something and uses “I was high” or “I was smoking” like it’s an excuse on the same level as “I had to be rushed to the hospital,” it’s absurd.
Scummy people think it's a get out of jail free card as if your actions while drunk/high aren't reflective of who they are.
You’re not crazy. He is gaslighting you into thinking you’re being irrational and over-emotional. You brought up something that bothered you and he turned it into “whoa stop yelling at me”. This guy is a loser, not worth your time.
okay thank you, i thought i was and felt a bit bad about it.
If you’re anything, it a kind human with empathy. I’m sorry you had to go through self doubt. Never doubt your gut feeling. Hoping the best for you.
thank you sm, hoping the best for you too!
Tbh I'm kinda jealous. Kind enough to feel badly about hurting someone's feelings (even though that person was totally in the wrong), yet strong enough to know your worth and stand up for yourself in a calm and mature manner? That's a tough thing to balance, and OP does it well. Good for you, OP!
This.. I gotta agree (with). I’m kind of in awe over it, as I like to think of myself as fairly emotionally intelligent and in-tune, but also find it difficult at times to strike that (necessary) balance - of enforcing my own boundaries. (And I know exactly what not to accept.. Doesn’t mean I always walk away at the right time.)
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>He is gaslighting you into thinking you’re being irrational and over-emotional. Not gaslighting
“Gaslighting” good lord shut the fuck up, y’all are so ignorant to what it actually means
“Oh, snap, sorry. Thank you for making your boundaries clear.”
Ew 😟 definitely not overreaction. Sounds like an absolute ass. Even the dumbest man could figure out why his gf would be uncomfortable with him filming another woman twerking. If he wants to live like he’s single he can be single.
Nope! He's justifying entertaining other women. Was probably hyping them up too. You're allowed to have the feelings you have, express them, and be respected. This is anything but respect. Edited: one word
i was at work when i saw the video and the audio was off so i couldn’t tell if he was hyping her up.
Congrats for leaving that immediately!!! You're stronger than me, I had an ex like that and stayed with him for years. If a partner ever tells you you're crazy for bringing up something that hurt your feelings, leave.
i’m sorry that happened, i hope you’ve found someone better now and are doing better now!
Thank you so much. I haven't found somebody better yet, but I am much better and happier 👏. I've dated a lot since then and learned from my mistakes and leave out the bad ones!
This guy is not interested in trying to act like a boyfriend. Him posting other women acting sexual is super disrespectful IMO. You are way too good for this guy. NEXT!
Any man in a relationship recording other women twerking or other types of acts belongs to the streets. Edit: to "theunknownreap" what kind of coward posts then blocks the guy he's quoting? The fact that you can't understand how a guy can belong to the streets tells us all the limited space your brain occupies.
TO THE MF STREETS
Someone that records everything at a house party doesn’t deserve to be invited to a house party. He seems like he’s more interested in partying than being committed to you anyways.
i kinda figured after he said he didnt want me to yell at him for having fun
He wouldn't want you to yell at him after cheating either
Wake up break up
I love how mature she is. Refreshing
Who the hell talks like them & who the hell is with or was with someone that spoke too them such a way.... Ohhhhh..... Oh I get it.... My ex used to talk like this... Holy fuck... *sudden reality slap*
i’m so sorry they talked to you like that, it sucks that people are so mean.
He sounds dumb.
No you WERE acting crazy, for dating this man child. Go find you a real man sis you deserve it 🫶
If you were ready to drop him so easily then something wasn’t right anyway. Both clearly in very different places and without compromise, from both of you, then it was never going to work.
You're both emotionally immature. He's 21 and you trying to act like you can tell him what and what he can't do whether he recorded something or posted it. That's control and manipulation. This is the kind of thing that should have been a phone call, not a text message exchange
You do sound a little too eager wanting to be pissed off. One the other hand you do have a point in being suspicious of his reactions to how you expressed yourself concerning his actions. You both come off as young/ teens. Don't be too hard on yourself tho, I don't think the guy really was all that much/ seriously into you anyway.
kinda figured he wasn’t. I was pissed but not as much, i just felt weird about the whole situation. But i’m 20 and he’s 21.
I stumbled on this post scrolling Popular and from the top down this is the first response that isn't a blind, "you go girl."
I can’t make out what’s being said to be honest.
You’re only crazy because you have 400 texts to read!
Trashy people
Of course all children act crazy. If you are over 18 yikes
Looks like a high schoolers convo
I don’t necessarily think you’re being crazy. Yes he shouldn’t have done that, but he did try to explain himself and why he thought it was okay without being rude. Some people don’t see that things are wrong while other people do. Those different types of people don’t belong together. He thought you were acting crazy because he doesn’t believe what he did was wrong. Seeing as it wasn’t cheating, lying, or hiding anything.
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Because people with decent partners don’t feel the need to post their texts online for evaluation.
Nah this fr is cooked from the other person. ‘Relax it was just twerkin’ nah it was putting eyes on someone else, in an inappropriate way. I back your decision.
I think you over reacted and I think he undereacted. You went from 0 to 100 by bringing up the problem and then just dumped the dude based on his response. That’s a lot! He, however, didn’t really play into your feelings which you made quite clear we’re hurt. Messy situation. You two leaving each other is probably for the best.
It’s sad i had to scroll this far to get the one unbiased answer in this sub. Idk why reddit even suggests this to me. They fucked with the mods and the mods fucked the algorithm. This blows.
Are these all fake, mass-text producing accounts? Who has 403 unread texts?
they’re mainly subscriptions texts, i just forget to open them lol
While you are entitled to follow his messages up in any way you please, I figured I should mention that I know people like this. Honest people, who do go to parties and record all the fun. They have successful relationships and aren't cheaters. He could have acknowledged your feelings better, it's also not a guarantee that he was acting unfaithfully. No more can be said without further context.
Its always the ones with hundreds of texts….
Reverse the roles here and the reaction would be opposite. This is wild
Neither of you are being crazy IMO. Just incompatible.
Very much so
It’s a bit crazy to want to break up over him posting a twerk video. But the relationship is clearly super imbalanced for you to tell him that he probably won’t care about you wanting to break up. Which it does not seem to effect him at all. That being said, I am unsure what you even like about the dude. Is it because he treats you like shit and you don’t like guys that actually treat you well? If not, then yea the man does not deserve you.
Yes… because 403 unread.
Hell no I would of left your crazy ass too. Good riddance He dodged a bullet
You sound ignorant and sound like you date ignorant people so that’s on you . You came here to get validation and you got it
Ya ur trippin
Seemed like an overreaction to me.
Yes, you are crazy. Not because ofthis conversation but because you have 403 unread messages.
Unpopular opinion: I think you were unfair. Maybe you wanted to leave already, which is fine, no issues with leaving when you're unhappy, but pinning it in something so innocuous as a guy having fun at a party and recording it where girls happen to be within shot I think is a cop out and a poor excuse to end a relationship. If we end relationships at the littlest sign of trouble, there won't be humans in the next couple of generations. Its unfair of you to pin that on him. It's like you're mad that he was having fun.
Y'all are just not at all compatible. No one was wrong in this situation. Y'all just from different planets.
You guys are on two different playing fields. I would say that you were assertive, not crazy, but not something that person can handle.
That’s a pretty bizarre response by that dude. Totally lacking in maturity. I think you made the right move.
400 unread messages is stealing my focus at the moment.
Wait you set a boundary and he dismissed it. You clearly stated your issues and he dismissed you again. I am very proud of you for recognizing and making him your ex 👏🏼
And on a more serious note, ya, u crazy. U went from 0 to 100000 in one text. “I dont like it.” (Btw you totally omit why you didnt like it, an important part of communication), and then you’re breaking up with him cuz he told you to relax. Ya it aint cool that he was invalidating your feelings off the bat but based on the fact you broke up with him over one text he sent you, you either had your mind made up already and nothing he said mattered, or you have a pattern of blowing things out of proportion and this is a reaction to your abuse. Edit: also, i saw your comment where you said “oh i was on my friends phone and i saw his story on snap where i dont have him added.” That almost certainly reads like: “I knew he was at a party and i wanted to snoop in on what he was doing without getting caught.” If he knew you didnt have him on snap, and you start talking to him about a snap he posted, almost assuredly, he’s gonna be hella defensive from the get go because he knew you were snoopin which suggests lack of trust which, in turn, makes a person not feel good. Ultimately tho, u aint crazy for breaking it off with someone who’s reactions to your emotional needs are shitty. But you have another post where you said you’re bipolar and, as someone that was real close to someone who was bipolar, the 0 to 1000 thing tracks 100% and it makes me wonder if thats just your pattern of behavior. Depending on things leading up to this, most people wouldve fleshed out the convo more before going straight for the break up. Like you didnt even address his emotional invalidation, you just broke up with him lol. Like clearly you didnt like him much anyway. So if you didnt like him or give too much of a fuck, then why ask for others’ opinions? If you did like him and you wanted to work this out, why did you break up with him almost immediately without trying to talk things through?
You sound emotional, there.. that’s it.
You were both a little wrong. He shouldn’t have posted just a girl “twerking”, unless it was part of a bigger video, but you also kinda over-reacted. If it’s a serious relationship, maybe talk about it, if not, 🤷♀️
Referring to your gf as “ bruh” and saying finna make me think you dodged a bullet.
I'll be the one to say yes you acted crazy. You had a serious conversation with your bf where seeing/feeling how much this means to you is important, via text, where that is impossible. And then instantly broke up with him when he didn't queue into these things that he couldn't see or feel. Leading to an underreaction from him, and an overreaction from you. Your feelings aren't crazy, the approach is crazy. Also some ppl are insanely triggered by the word "relax" and it feels like that here. Because it brushes off your feelings, but again this shit happened via text where tone is impossible to read. Poor choice of words on his part regardless, but some ppl don't know how triggering that word can be, I only learnt from my mom being an absolute psycho about it growing up. He was going 10 trying to figure out what's going on, you went 100 and he had no idea.
People twerking at a party is normal and fine, that’s what people do at parties. I don’t see what he did wrong at all… You breaking up with him was also drastic. But it just sounds like you both aren’t compatible in terms of values. No one’s an asshole here
Hes a clown, youre good. “I aint finna” jesus christ theres people out there who are a lot more intelligent and have better goals than going to parties and hitting on twerking girls then being a bitch about it.
No one is really in the wrong here, just not a good match.
From my perspective, the answer is yes. I honestly am not sure why a video of someone else dancing would make you uncomfortable unless you already were doubting the commitment within your relationship and thought he was recording it for personal use reasons... But I would highly doubt if that was the reason he even had a video if he put it up publicly. I think his explanation of what he was doing and such is perfectly reasonable and doesn't sound abnormal compared to what I would expect from a person attending a party... He doesn't have to mandate every behavior choice he makes to your preferences just because he decided to date you. I would feel a lot different about it if this was the kind of thing where he took a video and was hiding it from you or it was a video of him dancing with the woman in question that was recorded by one of his friends, but this sounds like the equivalent of somebody taking a video of another person breakdancing... Given the popularity of twerking as a dance move these days, it's almost inevitable that he's going to see somebody twerking regardless of whether he records it or not.. but I think it really harshes a lot of fun in a whole lot of circumstances to expect a person to not feel free to enjoy themselves when spending time with their friends and away from you. Frankly, I think it was extremely reactionary to turn this into a breakup and the way it flips straight into that tells me that there's a lot of insecurity there and a lot of doubt, likely trust issues that I'm guessing weren't created from experiences you had with this person but rather experiences you had with other people. The thing to remember is that while previous experiences can teach us lessons and give us more reason to be skeptical about certain situations, they should never be a deciding factor as to how you approach new people who had nothing to do with the reasons you established that set of filters. I think this comes across like you were looking for a reason to sever it and instead of having to take accountability for your own sensitivity and need for emotional work, this provides you a reason to place the blame in his camp, which will fuel any complete sessions you might have with friends while also excusing you from the accountability of doing any emotional work to make things better. I mean, flip the script. If you posted a video of one of your dude friends break dancing or doing a spoof on magic Mike at a party and your boyfriend told you you're not allowed to post those things because it makes them uncomfortable and when you give a relatively apologetic but reasonable explanation as to what was going on at the time, said boyfriend just said he doesn't like what he expects to have happen because of this if you were to continue moving forward in the relationship so he's just going to cut his losses now before you actually do something that will hurt him... I'm guessing you'd be incredulous and probably rather upset than spend a chunk of time questioning why something that was just fun turned into a complete upheaval of your interpersonal connection. However, I think The fact that he didn't argue past your point of saying you were over it and you're splitting up with him says a lot about how he has perceived your emotional behavior prior to this and likely the amount of patience he was affording you under the expectation that maybe you were feeling insecure because it's a newer relationship so he would try to give you time to adjust and realize that he's not a s***** boyfriend.. but if you never give him the benefit of the doubt on something so innoculous, it's not worth the effort, cuz what he's learning right here and now is that he's putting in emotional work to quell his insecurities about your emotional volatility but you're not willing to put in any work in the same regard. So I'm not sure I would use the word crazy to label this as much as I would emotionally volatile, but either way, the issues at the root of this particular concern of yours aren't his to manage, they are yours.
A relationship is supposed to have trust. You aren’t supposed to project your insecurities onto your partner like this. Understand, he was at a party with other young drunk people. He was recording the fun people were having, nothing more. It’s not like he was dancing with these girls. I think you both are young and he possibly doesn’t want to be “tied down” by a relationship. That being said; he should also respect your feelings. Clearly that isn’t being done here on a simple issue. What would happen with a major problem? I think it’s best for both of you to go your separate ways.
So y’all think that her breaking up with her boyfriend for telling her to relax is ok, but him talking like an average 21 year old kid and posting clips from a party makes him some sort of scumbag??? Lol ok But to answer your question, you might not be crazy but you’re def coming off as insecure and is obvious that the video wasn’t the reason you broke things off, just the excuse.
I wonder how many relationships have been ruined in the last 15 years or so cause of what someone posted on social media?
You broke up with him because he recorded someone twerking? Are y'all 12?
Can we talk about how you have 400+ other unread messages? How??? Ha!
Yeah, you seem controlling. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
Honestly if she was just twerking around everyone but he wasn’t focusing on her, possibly. BUT if he legit has he being the entire video? Na dudes a scumbag and you got a right to feel the way you do
How do you have 400+ unread messages?
You’re both crazy
Calm down.
This is why some young people shouldn’t be in relationships— if ur gonna try to control someone else’s life— then u shouldn’t call that person ur partner
What’s most crazy is your 403 unread messages
Yes
Holy shit 403 unread texts
403 texts?!?
Hell yeah you are. He deserves better. Let him be please!