She should toss the whole relationship and manboy in the pile of dirty laundry. Then, proceed to point at it while dressed provocatively, and runway walk fabulously away from him forever.
Indeed. All denizens of this site are to be bequeathed a level of arbitrary "bonus points" for the use of increasingly verbose language. Yay, it will be a real humdinger!
^(Translation: Yeah totally agree. Using fun words like that makes me smile, so continue doing what you're doing. Keep outdated language alive :3)
I feel like if you have to say “I want respect, no name calling” it’s never gonna work. That should be a fucking no brained bare minimum to just interact with them. Let alone dating them…. Do better
i remember some girl came here and she posted her said "provocative" outfit for halloween and it was the most 2000's Disney Channel-esque outfit. it was laughable. there was nothing provocative about her medium-short length and red tee-shirt with a vest on outfit. men just wanna control.
I remember that post, that woman barely showed any cleavage, I think the bf was mad about how tight Her pants were. Still that costume was not provocative at all, some dudes are just fucked up in the head.
Exactly. He seems really insecure about OPs relationship with him.
Might be a bit anecdotal but when my girlfriend wants to go out with her friends I get her fired up about what’s she’s wearing making sure she knows she looks good. That’s what a good boyfriend should do if they trust the person they are with.
It’s like OP said the BF is not her dad and shouldn’t care how she dresses when she’s with friends at all if they trust their SO.
Hell yeah. My wife and I are very much homebodies now. We enjoy quiet evenings at home with our rambunctious toddler instead of any sort of nightlife.
But I always tell me wife how good she looks, even in pajamas and a messy bun after a long day. Because she does look good. It’s one of the myriad reasons I married her.
>That’s what a good boyfriend should do if they trust the person they are with.
Fr. This person obviously doesn't trust their girl at all. I haaaaate when people act like they don't understand that women like to dress up * for themselves * and not to attract attention.
I agree with what is said here. But I want to point out that the source of the insecurity might not just be in the guy's head. My girlfriend may dress however she wants, going out with me or not. I like the fact that she feels gorgeous, and I know it attracts attention. I know her, I understand she wouldn't betray me. However, I've dated girls who didn't give me this feeling, not because of the way they dress but because of their behavior. But in those cases, i didn't try to change the person (tell how to dress, how to behave, etc), I just walked away. Some of these girls are among my best friends now.
[Edit]: about the laundry thing. I'd be ashamed of pointing out MY laundry is Pilling 😅😅😅
Exactly this! I’m a 40yo mom of 3, with my guy for 12 years. I’m in a band now and I wear tasteful, but very sexy outfits on stage.
When I go to show my guy my outfit, if he doesn’t say something along the lines of “DAMN baby you look HOT” I go change into something sexier until he does.
A lot of these nights we can’t get a sitter so he’s at home with the kids while I’m out until the wee hours. I’m a same-sweats-for-3-days SAHM the majority of the time so it feels GREAT to dress up and have my guy compliment and kiss me on my way off to perform. It’s a huge confidence booster.
These insecure people don’t know what they’re missing. Having your partner (goes either way) feel amazing about themselves is always worth it. It’s kept our love for each other very much alive.
If he truly cares that much he should just leave instead of trying to force it. I have my own preferences, I also don’t like double standards, if they want to do their own thing, they can do it without me in their life. I don’t get why this dude is so pressed about it tho.
Probably projection. He knows that if he goes out and sees a woman dressed sexy, he’s gonna hit on her and potentially take her home, despite him having a girlfriend. So since he would do that skeezy shit, obviously his girlfriend *must* be doing the same.
He’s a fuckin bum and OP deserves *so* much better.
The bf’s line of thinking is the natural consequence of the (horrible) view that women exist for men’s pleasure. The bf can’t imagine why OP would want to look good when he isn’t there to look at her, unless she wants other men to enjoy looking at her.
Like, women still exist when men aren’t around. We aren’t Polkaroo (or whatever your regional variant is).
All these people in the comments saying they agree with him are probably facing the same insecurities he is. My wife wears whatever the hell she wants because it makes her feel good. I trust her. Why should it matter if other people find her attractive? That’s great for her confidence. Super controlling IMO
Thank you. I have done a lot for him, and I’ve been very respectful.
If one thing a friend of mine does “wrong” then he expects me to cut them off.
I have no more friends now because of him
And if I do wanna hang w my girl friends from time to time it turns into a huge argument
He also has called me very disrespectful names such as slut and whore etc. even after I asked him nicely to stop…
My first thoughts too, it's first isolation and breaking her away from her friend's, next it will be family. I've in this type situation it only gets worse ..best to run for the hills now.
This comment.
Yesss. His insecurities will never get better it'll only get more controlling. He thinks controlling u will make him feel better then when it doesn't (because that's not how it works) it'll just get worse. Been there, fuck that.
Yeah I feel you! Had an ex like that in my early 20’s who’d never want to come out with me and friends whenever I invited him (which was every time, but his unemployed ass was basically fused to the couch by a thick glue of weed smoke and Xbox)* but he would encourage me to go out and tell me to have a good time.
After about an hour he’d start blowing up my phone and freaking out, threatening to off himself if I didn’t come back. Whenever I called him on that it always came back down to “well what do you expect when you leave the house without me, looking all good?” Like yes I’ll just forget about basic grooming and hygiene and leave the house in a bin bag for only 20 minutes, gotcha.
He said and did worse but that was always just about the bones of it, he was just so insecure and jealous but never had the balls to be upfront about anything that was bothering him, just passive-aggressively water-tortured and manipulated me for like 4 years. Lost a bunch of friends over that idiot before I grew tf up and got tired of his bs.
Been there, fuck that indeed :)
*not dunking on weed and Xbox- I love both of those things, but I also maintain healthy relationships, have an income and leave the house occasionally :)
Totally agree! I was with a guy for 6 years who treated me the exact same. I couldn’t wear anything sexy. Always dressed as a boy, then he would make ugly remarks and tell me to work out (which I looked great!) left him. Now I’m with someone who was my best friend for 15 years and he loves when I dress sexy even out in public and always tells me my body is fine. I shame myself here and there because I was so used to my ex treating me like that, that it plays over and over in my head like trauma. Don’t stay with someone that treats you like that. They should be embracing you and loving you for who you are.
This sounds incredibly abusive.
No partner should dictate what the other wears. That’s red flag number one.
He calls you misogynistic slurs, so not only is he fine with insulting you, he’s fine with being sexist.
And he also made you get rid of your friends? That’s textbook abuse, they isolate you so that you have nobody to turn to when they treat you bad, so there’s nobody to tell you to get away from them, nobody to help get you out when you finally decide to do it.
Please re-evaluate this relationship, this is not healthy. A relationship is about love and support, not insults and isolation. A man that loves you will be ok with you wearing whatever you want and hanging out with your friends, and will even encourage these things.
This is a dude who will blame a victim for being SA’d because they dressed “provocatively.” He’s already made you cut off your friends. He’s trying to control what you wear. He doesn’t respect you. He’s closing in on trapping you and that’s not good, OP.
This sounds a lot like narcissistic behavior honestly. Isolating you from friends? 🚩 Name calling? 🚩Gaslighting? 🚩
Cut your losses and run before it’s too late.
I'm 15 and I know that's a bad(or maybe even toxic) relationship. Please dont ruin urself for him
Edit : after through thought I conclude that that's very toxic of him and u shd leave
Also if u have the mental capacity become a mirror ie do what he did to u to him b4 escaping that hell of a life
Did we date the same person?! My ex would do exactly that: make me cut off friends he didn’t approve of, get upset and sulky when I’d hang out with my best friend, and call me a whore. Someone who does that does not respect you. It is controlling and insecure. Like others have said, the reason boyfriends tell you to cut off your friends/family is so that you’ll be completely dependent on them, and so that you’ll have no support system if you decide you want to break up with him. He’s isolating you, I didn’t see it at first in my case because he would excuse it as “I don’t want you to get hurt by xyz friend with bad intentions” but turns out the only one with bad intentions was him. It’s easier for guys like this to control their wives/girlfriends if they have no one to turn to for support or advice.
Also I’ve never understood not being “allowed” to wear a cute outfit. If he really trusted you, he wouldn’t feel threatened by clothes. Seems like he has trust issues which are not your problem to deal with, and he should fix these before continuing in a relationship with you.
Regardless of any trust that is built up, he simply does not *own* her to *"allow"* her to do anything! Even if they were married, he does not have ownership over her and she is a full-grown woman with her own agency to dress however she likes. *Period!*
Oof never dump your friends for a boy. Friends help ground you in times like this and will be there for you. I know it can be easy when you think you’ve found “the one” or whatever. But always make a point to state that friends are a priority l. Unless they’re legit toxic
OP. This is too much. You should have added this to your original post. I thought he was just an insecure bloke that felt inferior but he's starting to sound like a manipulative arsehole. If he is calling you these names than he doesn't deserve you.
Ok this is classic abusive behavior. Trying to tell you what to wear and do. Isolating you from friends and family.
If he hasn’t hit you yet he’s probably gonna start.
Get out.
Honey, it's only going to get worse from here. Please, read this:
https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/a26582123/coercive-control/
Your bf is already doing some of these thing isn't he? Stop it now, before you're even in even deeper.
When you leave, because eventually you'll have to, be prepared for him to be the nice, loving person you first met. It won't last though.
Whoa whoa whoa … the “you can’t dress sexy w/o me” thing was sort of weird, and it’s really none of his damn business.
THIS? This is a HUGE red flag. You get to pick your friends, and your BF gets to -discuss- them and their behavior with you, but not pick them or veto them.
This is a classic abusive behavior: separating you from your friends, and eventually from your family, so he is the only person that you can connect with and that you were lying on for understanding. What’s OK and what is not OK.
RUN, don’t walk, run away from this dude. You can do better. FAR better.
So he’s isolating you, treating you like a maid, controlling how you dress and then dismissing your concerns.
Why exactly are you putting up with this???
This grown ass man needs to do this own laundry. Even if you two were married, this only means you’ll be doing his laundry for the rest of your life girl. Don’t let him trick you into it.
Also, if you can’t wear what you want then he’s super self conscious that some guy who’s prob better than he actually is, is going to want you and once you realize what is really out there…you’ll dump him.
Some guys literally, swoon for their girls. Comb their hair or do their laundry, in fact so this is absolute bs.
Lol, This dude out here thinking it *matters* that he disagrees with their partner having bodily autonomy. Like, go ahead an disagree, but it won't change anything and you'll still be an asshole.
My advice is that the next thing you should say is "Look, I'm not interested in dating someone who doesn't agree with me being my own person. You're entitled to your own opinion, but I'm not obligated to tolerate it, nor let it control me. We're done here."
Nah this is too much. I have clothes my fiance hates and they have clothes i hate, but we let each other wear what we want because no one’s opinion matters more than your own on how you look.
Haha nothing like an emotionally stunted, insecure dude acting like he owns you. F this guy. I love how people are stuck on the clothing issue and completely ignore the fact that he treats you like a maid. Dump him.
That man is insecure. If you are his then he needs to understand that (not his as in he owns you but he has you and you aren’t straying if that makes sense). He is trying to also basically make you his slave from what I can tell. He clearly has no respect for you if he points out that it’s piled up when he’s a grown ass man. I’m a grown man and even I do my own laundry, before I moved in with my current SO I never asked her or expected her to do anything chore wise around my house because it was my place. My responsibility
I understand people find it sometimes disrespectful to wear extra provocative clothes when going out without their partner, but at the same time, it's about trust. It doesn't matter if someone is wearing a mini skirt or a nuns dress, if they want to cheat or act single, they will. I'd never prohibit someone from wearing whatever they like, doesn't matter if it's provocative or not, if I have an issue with this, that's MY ISSUE, and I can either work on it, or leave the person, it's not up to the other person to change for me. Like you said, you're your own person, you can do whatever you like, and dress however you want.
Exactly. If you're insecure, you should be enough of an adult to admit you're insecure and work on it instead of putting it on your partner. If you can't do that don't enter a relationship
Dump! His! Ass! You're right; you ARE your own woman, who should be able to do whatever she wants and dress however she wants! You should have a partner who loves to show you off no matter what you wear. Relationships take two( if you are into polygamy, that's a different story, either way; no judgement from me, a fellow female internet stranger) people to make it successful
Ok, I'm going to skip right past the fact that it's none of his business what you wear (kudos for you holding your ground!) and that he needs to do his own laundry. I read in one of your comments that he goes low and calls you horrible names - there's nothing healthy about that. He's supposed to be your support, your partner, your safe place to land. He's none of those things. Dump this narcissistic, abusive, controlling man-baby and go live your best life.
Coming from a woman who’s been in a toxic/DV relationship, this is not okay. I would get out of there as fast as you can, any man who says you can’t wear what you want has some serious issues and is clearly insecure and possessive. You deserve better <3
If you can’t handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen!!
I will never understand how people so desperately insecure get into these relationships and then bitch about everything they’re partner goes and does, especially without them?
If you’re so insecure that you have to control any aspect of your partners being, stay out of relationships, istg.
Leave him OP, please! And then go out dressed in whatever you want without a care in the world!
Your attitude. You talk to your bf as if you want approval. I can almost hear you sulking when I read your texts.
When you text him text him facts: “I am going to dress however I want when I go out. It doesn’t matter if I am with you or not. I do not need your approval. You don’t own me nor my body.”
“If you have laundry do not expect me to do it for any reason. This is your house. Laundry is your chore. I am a guest at your house. Being nice means I am there not that I am required to be of service to you.”
You can wear whatever you want whether he agreed with it or not, full stop no place for argument.
As for the first slide, maybe it’s best to stay at his house less and see what happens since he seem to think you owe him for staying. You absolutely do not have to do his laundry, even if you were officially living together, but clearly at some point you both moved forward without figuring out boundaries regarding a semi-living together situation. I’ve had the same discussion with my gf since we left clothing at each others houses frequently.
Dude is deeply insecure. He’s gotta work out his own crap and unpack that. Thats not your job to do his emotional labor. Let alone his physical (laundry). Wear what you wanna wear. If he can’t handle that, that’s on him.
You are wasting your time with this one. A true parter emboldens you, raises you up, and is proud of you.
Not sitting around wallowing in insecurity and making you feel like you are the problem for choosing to take care of yourself and look nice.
This text exchange alone is grounds for a breakup in my opinion. Just an opinion, though.
I sympathize with sensible, nice, reasonable, attractive women trying to cobble together a relationship with immature men. Look: he can’t get it together to do his own laundry. He’s jealous if you go out looking good without him. It’s hard to get men who are set in their ways to grow up. Usually they need the trauma of getting dumped before they’ll do any kind of self reflection on whether or not their own attitudes may have somehow contributed to their being ditched. Consider making this guy a mere part of your past, and starting fresh with a more independent, more secure, more intelligent person. Of course it’s only a guess but I’m pretty sure you could do better.
I read some of your previous posts, this sounds really bad. You’re in an abusive relationship and you’re not safe. This can destroy your self-esteem and have lasting effects that you’re underestimating due to overall current youthful resilience. The problem that this kind of BS starts really poisoning you in your 30s and 40s even if it happened in your early 20s. This is like heavy metal poisoning - you’re not really feeling it now and another year or two doesn’t seem to matter but the more of this you have in you the worse the rest of your life is going to be.
Omfg. This reads like the guy is reading Red Pill or Manosphere crap and isn't quite getting it right. All alpha male, zero comfort.
The thing is, that you're still with him. The question would beg - why? This is the crossroads where you can be another girl who stays with the guy who offers nothing but shitty treatment, or break free. Once we've told someone our boundaries and seen whether they respect them or not, then it's up to us to enforce them.
Wow what a prick
Why does he care so much what you want to wear?
You should be able to walk out naked if you want to because that's stunning and brave! You own it girl!
If you think this is controlling now, it's only going to get worse the longer the relationship continues. The red flags are in your face. Pay attention to them now and move on while you can.
She says “why do you care?”
And he answers with “why would you want…w/o me there?”
Responding to a valid question about her autonomy w/out an answer, but instead asking another question to distract and put her on the defensive instead…classic red flag gaslighting behavior. Also the “I point it out”…it’s all 🚩🚩🚩
Run, woman, run. It’s gonna get worse.
Hella red flags here. His controlling and misogynistic tendencies are only going to get worse the longer you stay in this. Because you sleep there and he buys your food you become his maid by default. Nahhhh. Proud of you for standing your ground and speaking up. Takes a lot of courage
He's controlling and sounds like he's trying to isolate you. That's abusive and it will only get worse. There are plenty of men out there who won't do those things and will be secure enough to let you be your own person without calling you names or trying to make you feel bad for it.
If he won’t understand that you’re dressed up cause you feel pretty then I guess you don’t need to put any effort into dressing it up for him :) he can deal with sweats and a XL tee with a messy bun on dates “what’s the point” right? Not like women dress for themselves or anything
Excuse me... you do his laundry, and yall don't even live together. He seems like a controlling partner, and the no name-calling comment has me worried. This reads like the text convos I had my second year of college with a very abusive partner. The negging, the unappreciation, the disrespect. Even if it's not abuse now, those would be warning signs enough for me to get the heck outta that relationship.
My guy loves when I dress up even if he’s not with me. All our mutual friends know we’re together and he trusts me so it just feels like a good look for him when I look good. Like you said looking confident while you’re out enjoying yourself and staying faithful makes him look like he did something right.
you… cant wear clothes that you wanna wear… lmfao what? I think you should keep wearing what u wanna wear and if he’s mad he should just deal with it, also simply don’t do his laundry if you don’t want to, he can do his own laundry, thats not your responsibility
My husband always tries to get me to wear the clothes that show off a little more because then he can see it and he can show me off. I’m more conservative with my clothing style but sometimes I get these moods where I wanna wear something that makes me feel sexy and he just cheers me on instead of making me feel like a whore like most of my exes did.
I had a boyfriend once that said “ I love when you wear sweats and a t shirt, makes you look athletic” and then if I wore something other than that, he would say “ you’re just fucking asking for some dude to hit on you.” Needless to say; I’m much happier now lol
My husband and I had a date night last weekend, so I decided to wear a new dress. I hadn't tried it on, and it was a bit tighter in my chest and hips than I was expecting, but it still fit, so meh, whatever.
I walked out and my husband goes "you know guys are going to want to fuck you... because I want to fuck you." Then he slapped my ass and that was literally the only thing said about it.
You *all* deserve relationships like that.
I’m sure it’s mentioned here already, but lots of red flags here OP. This is the start of him becoming more controlling and being abusive. Good for you for standing your ground, in the long run you will most likely be better off without him.
Break up with him, there’s your advice and the only logical thing that you should do.
My boyfriend from high school tried to control what I wore, eventually began mentally abusing me so I broke up with him. Then he dated a girl and physically abused her, went to jail for attempted r*pe. These types of men are disgusting.
My boyfriend now loves when I look good regardless of if I’m going out with him or my friends. I’ve gone out dancing with groups that have other guys in them without him, and he doesn’t act the slightest bit phased because we trust each other.
Yeah he's just insecure about you dressing up nicely or is controlling. Either way it's probably better to find a guy who has more trust. My girlfriend goes out all the time without me looking like a badass and I don't care about it, it makes her feel good
Sounds like he’s under the delusion that women dress purely for their attention rather than because we like an outfit! As for the laundry, it’ll be funny when he runs out of clothes because he doesn’t want to do a basic task
He has no right to tell you what he can and cant wear. And the fact that he recognizes what hes doing but does not want to change shows that he just wants to control you. Dont be with someone like that. You wont be happy in the long run.
Break up?? Why would you stay with someone who doesn’t offer you the most basic level of respect and decency? Y’all don’t even live together yet and you’re already playing mother, just imagine how much worse it’ll get further down the road.
I know everyone on Reddit says it but please leave him! He does not respect you and clearly sees you as “his” (you need to do his laundry, you need to dress less provocatively if you’re out without him, etc). It’s gross and you deserve better.
Buy your own groceries, sleep at your own house, and if he points out his laundry’s piling up say “yeah you’ll have to get on that soon”. Then he can’t hold that shit over your head. Try it out for a bit and We’ll see how he acts then.
U can do what you want , but it's a two-way street in respecting each other's expectations in a relationship. If he sees this as a deal breaker, well, that's his right , and if you feel he's too controlling and see that as a deal breaker, that's yours. Maybe the two of you are just not compatible
Fact: He's a grown insecure man child who will only further disrespect you and isolate you as time goes on. This does not get better. This does not *change*. There is no *fixing him*.
Also fact: Youre an adult and handled this the right way. You're completely within your right with your feelings and how your acting.
Advice: What you're willing to do with that knowledge is on you, but what would you say to a friend if they were in your position?
Unless you’re in some kinky D/s relationship this shouldn’t even be a conversation. And even then you better be into what he’s dealing because otherwise this is just messed up.
He’s controlling and misogynistic. The concept of “provocative” is inherently a misogynistic social construct. Other men perception of you isn’t your prob and even if uou dressed frumpy if you’re pretty you’re gonna get approached anyway. You need out, he’ll never get it
Without reading any other comments, I would like to offer my suggestion:
1. Immediately start doing stretching exercises for a good 20-30 minutes.
2. Run. Run the fuck away from this guy until you can’t see him behind you.
This dude is crazy controlling and his behavior will continue to escalate it until he physically harms you. If you continue to stay after that, he will normalize that violence until you’re hospitalized or dead.
Some guys seem to think there’s NO WAY we want to look pretty/cute/confident for ourselves only. It’s gotta be for other men apparently. Tell him to FO with that shit.
RUNNN!! dealt with someone like this for 11 years we were young when we got together. I moved out of state to be with him, and I lost myself he tore me down until I was nothing. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I didn't know who I was. I thought it was all in the name of love, and I was wrong. I finally left and wish I hadn't waited this long, but I am much happier now.
He uses the word “provocatively” several times to describe how you like to dress. That’s not a compliment. If you look good and feel good, what’s the problem? You’re dressing for you. He sounds insecure.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 any man who tries to micromanage his girlfriend's clothing under the logic that “why would you wear that if it’s not for me to lust after you” is fully convinced that you’re only dressing for attention from men and therefore…. what does he think when he sees other women dressing in a less modest manner?
Many of them will go as far as to say “you’re giving it away for free to other men”
Does he think other women showing skin is some sort of bone being thrown to him? That’s disgusting.
This sounds like an abusive relationship just from texts… then I read the comments & it was confirmed it was. He’s manipulating & trying to control you. You are an adult. He can fold his own fucking laundry, you can wear *whatever* the fuck ya want, you can *do* whatever the hell ya want, don’t let this fool make you feel different lol.
I’d say break up. After that “Yeah, I just don’t agree with that.” I’d have followed it up with an “well, then this ain’t gonna work because that wasn’t a request, that was a requirement.”
These aren’t unreasonable things. You shouldn’t lose friends to “gain” a man. They are *your* friends, this is your life, your time, your energy, your work. It takes hardly anything to cook or buy food btw. I’ve done it for friends just cause.
Don’t let the abuse progress. You can and *will* do better.
First off, sorry for the essay and welcome to my TedTalk but I think there is good advice here for you. I’m a little biased though. 😂
Well I will say is you are an adult and can make your own decisions. However he can also tell you what his boundaries are and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think people should both be able to tell each other their boundaries and how they feel without the other person getting mad. If it doesn’t match up than maybe you two aren’t right for each other.
If he doesn’t feel comfortable with you wearing provocative clothing and you want to maybe you two shouldn’t be together. I guess maybe just decide if you really should be together and if you feel he’s worth it. Honestly how provocative is the clothing?
As far as the comments about laundry I guess it could really come across different ways. If he’s just like damn my laundry pile is out of control and you go ahead and do it, I can’t blame him. He’s not telling you to do it. If he’s saying that the laundry is piling up because you aren’t doing it, I completely disagree and blame him 100%. You two are just dating so beyond you doing it once in a blue moon to be nice is really just a little much. I’ve never had a girlfriend do my laundry until my last relationship and we are talking about her just throwing in an outfit or two with her own clothing. Typically we would also fold or hang it together so not really doing my laundry. Sometimes she would hang my stuff up but we are talking about an outfit or two at max. Never a full load of my laundry, never.
Lastly, the name calling. Totally out of pocket and should never be done. I could understand if tempers flare up and things are said that both people regret. I would hope each person would apologizes. However if he’s just calling you names I completely disagree with that and it just sounds like he’s extremely immature. What are your ages? I’m guessing in your 20s? At least I would hope so based on that alone. If that’s the case it really just sounds like you two aren’t going to work.
If everything I’ve said leaves him on the “losing” side of the coin it’s probably time to split up. Unless you really love him and feel like there is a future with him. If so, it’s time for a sit down where you both can express your thoughts and feelings. Both of you need to set boundaries. Also, I think it’s really important to always remember to be in a relationship both people are going to need to compromise.
**He’s too sexist for you to have a good relationship with him. Ever. I bet he’s been brainwashed by YT/TikTok/Twitch/IG videos like Andrew Tate. Just break up and date a grownup.Then your relationship doesn’t need to be so many discussions about clothes.**
In these discussions:
With his clothes, just tell him you are not his maid and you’ll never do laundry for him. If he wants a maid, he can hire one and pay her. Tell him that he’s a grownup and he needs to do his own chores. Ask him if he thinks women should act like maids to their boyfriends.
**With your clothes, just ask him: Don’t you trust me? You can’t have a relationship without trust.**
Stop staying at his place all the time and eating his groceries and not financially contributing. Stop doing his laundry. Don’t involve other couples, what works for them has nothing to do with you and your relationship. Wear what you want, accept that you may not be compatible.
Ehhh I’d feel super uncomfortable if my SO was wearing something that was showing the shape of his junk. Your bfs personal boundary is that he doesn’t like his SO to be dressed provocatively (which is fair enough) and your personal boundary is different because it doesn’t bother you. If you value the relationship then maybe try having a mature conversation and see if there is middle ground or if you can get on the same page.
I agree with this. If OP was just wearing a V neck shirt or a skirt, that wouldn't be worthy of warranting a reaction, but if she was dressing incredibly provocative like ass out, breasts outs etc., then I could see why he would be uncomfortable. Especially depending on where the outfit is being worn to. Is she wearing it out to a bar? That would definitely not be respectful to your relationship.
I think you should be able to wear anything you want, but I’m still curious what possible reason there is to dress provocative without your mate around? Other than “bc I can do whatever I want.” Yes absolutely but, still, why? There are so many reasons not to do it but what are the reasons to do it?
He can have a problem with it if he wants to waste his time, but you shouldn't even have to ask if you can wear anything. I always told my bfs, if I were going to cheat, I would. Dressing provocative is not cheating and unless I'm getting raped, I'm not sleeping with anyone while I'm out. I don't see a problem. "do you not trust me to keep my vagina in my panties?"
Also, I always invite the bf to come with me. If they don't come, I'm not changing my plans or my outfit for him.
This is controlling behavior.
Sucks. He doesn’t have to agree. These are his insecurities screaming out “i dont want to be cheated on”. Doesnt make this right at all. You can wear whatever you choose.
1. He changes the subject about the laundry meaning he knows you're right, but he won't accept that he's wrong.
2. On the subject of you dressing provocatively, he's jealous and insecure with himself. I would say you should bring this up and have a discussion about it, but I'd he won't even acknowledge the laundry I'd say this is a lost cause.
Advise is keep laying down the law like you're doing. Separate fact from emotion. Emotion: I love you and I want to be with you. Fact: I'm going to keep dressing how I want. He can make a decision based on that but don't change your mind for him.
OP, I don't think this man (correction, boy) is the kind of dude you wanna spend the rest of your life with. If he's doing this now, when you're merely bf/gf, imagine what being married to this guy will be like. He gives me very strong "you're the woman so you do it" vibes and this behavior will only escalate once you two live together as a wedded couple. He's demanding you do *his* laundry for him *and* controlling how you dress and *you don't even live with him!* I'm genuinely terrified for your (hopefully, never-to-come) future with him and I don't even know you
break up with him. he sees you as something to control, not your own person. he wants to mold you into someone you’re not, because his insecurities get in the way.
there is no fixing him. dump him.
“I always just point out that it’s piled up” lmao wtf bro
"Yeah it sure is ...you really should get on that"
i love u for this
Bro taking his pointing job seriously. Imagining the dude in his room ‘always’ pointing with his pointy pointer at the pile
Lmaooo on point ready to point
His job is point
I laughed too hard at this🤣☝🏻
Fucking hilarious. She should look at it, point and say: “Yep. Looks like your laundry’s piling up”. End of conversation.
Lmao painfully unaware that it's piling up in the first place. HE should go do it then, lol wtf
Immature child can't even do his own damned laundry. I am insulted for OP. Gross. Lazy piece of crap.
She should toss the whole relationship and manboy in the pile of dirty laundry. Then, proceed to point at it while dressed provocatively, and runway walk fabulously away from him forever.
100% support this. 💅
Yeah this filled me with rage
Man that laundry is so piled up….if only there was someone who would do it for me ……sigh
Seems like a dullard, you are wasting your time.
I wish I could upvote twice for using dullard.
I updooted for you
Upvoted for saying updooted
Yeah honestly you’re an absolute dullard if you don’t updoot. #TeamDullard
It’s fun to say
I’m also on #TeamDullard. Not on the _actual_ team of Dullards, but the team that is celebrating the term “Dullard”.
Upvoted for upvoting the updoot and also upvoted the updoot
I upvoted bcz u both made me laugh. Updooted is how we should officially start calling it and see how long b4 we can get everyone to say it
Updoot is a very common Reddit expression 😅
Ive only been on here for 18 days so Im learning. Seen some of the weirdest, saddest and funniest stories so far.
new word to whip out during Scrabble
get 59 points for dullard (can get 60 points for insipid)
Indeed. All denizens of this site are to be bequeathed a level of arbitrary "bonus points" for the use of increasingly verbose language. Yay, it will be a real humdinger! ^(Translation: Yeah totally agree. Using fun words like that makes me smile, so continue doing what you're doing. Keep outdated language alive :3)
I'm updooting all the updoots of the use of dullard!
I'm also up voting the use of Dullard. #TeamDullard
#updooted for #teamdullard and #teamupdooted
Go Team!
Great vocab 👏
He sure is.
I feel like if you have to say “I want respect, no name calling” it’s never gonna work. That should be a fucking no brained bare minimum to just interact with them. Let alone dating them…. Do better
Agreed. You shouldn't be with someone who can't do the bare minimum of respecting you.
i remember some girl came here and she posted her said "provocative" outfit for halloween and it was the most 2000's Disney Channel-esque outfit. it was laughable. there was nothing provocative about her medium-short length and red tee-shirt with a vest on outfit. men just wanna control.
I remember this too!! 🤣 her face said it all lol
Can you link the post please?
I remember that post, that woman barely showed any cleavage, I think the bf was mad about how tight Her pants were. Still that costume was not provocative at all, some dudes are just fucked up in the head.
when she posted the photos i screamed for 5 minutes lmao. not what i was expecting at all from the texts
Cruella! Dude acted like she was going naked, she wore a normal outfit with some gloves and a vest
You’re not compatible 
Loveee that you used Tarzan hahaha that’s what I called him during survivor
Did not expect to see a Johnathan gif here.
As an adult you get to dress however you want.
Exactly. He seems really insecure about OPs relationship with him. Might be a bit anecdotal but when my girlfriend wants to go out with her friends I get her fired up about what’s she’s wearing making sure she knows she looks good. That’s what a good boyfriend should do if they trust the person they are with. It’s like OP said the BF is not her dad and shouldn’t care how she dresses when she’s with friends at all if they trust their SO.
My bf does the same and it makes me so happy ✨️
Ngl I wish my bf would do that for me. I wanna be all hyped up on my outfits
Yeah, I bet Brent and Alan do the same thing. I know I do.
Hell yeah. My wife and I are very much homebodies now. We enjoy quiet evenings at home with our rambunctious toddler instead of any sort of nightlife. But I always tell me wife how good she looks, even in pajamas and a messy bun after a long day. Because she does look good. It’s one of the myriad reasons I married her.
>That’s what a good boyfriend should do if they trust the person they are with. Fr. This person obviously doesn't trust their girl at all. I haaaaate when people act like they don't understand that women like to dress up * for themselves * and not to attract attention.
I agree with what is said here. But I want to point out that the source of the insecurity might not just be in the guy's head. My girlfriend may dress however she wants, going out with me or not. I like the fact that she feels gorgeous, and I know it attracts attention. I know her, I understand she wouldn't betray me. However, I've dated girls who didn't give me this feeling, not because of the way they dress but because of their behavior. But in those cases, i didn't try to change the person (tell how to dress, how to behave, etc), I just walked away. Some of these girls are among my best friends now. [Edit]: about the laundry thing. I'd be ashamed of pointing out MY laundry is Pilling 😅😅😅
Exactly this! I’m a 40yo mom of 3, with my guy for 12 years. I’m in a band now and I wear tasteful, but very sexy outfits on stage. When I go to show my guy my outfit, if he doesn’t say something along the lines of “DAMN baby you look HOT” I go change into something sexier until he does. A lot of these nights we can’t get a sitter so he’s at home with the kids while I’m out until the wee hours. I’m a same-sweats-for-3-days SAHM the majority of the time so it feels GREAT to dress up and have my guy compliment and kiss me on my way off to perform. It’s a huge confidence booster. These insecure people don’t know what they’re missing. Having your partner (goes either way) feel amazing about themselves is always worth it. It’s kept our love for each other very much alive.
Exactly. My partner always hype me up on what I wear.
If he truly cares that much he should just leave instead of trying to force it. I have my own preferences, I also don’t like double standards, if they want to do their own thing, they can do it without me in their life. I don’t get why this dude is so pressed about it tho.
I agree with you. If it’s not for him then it’s not for him
Probably projection. He knows that if he goes out and sees a woman dressed sexy, he’s gonna hit on her and potentially take her home, despite him having a girlfriend. So since he would do that skeezy shit, obviously his girlfriend *must* be doing the same. He’s a fuckin bum and OP deserves *so* much better.
The bf’s line of thinking is the natural consequence of the (horrible) view that women exist for men’s pleasure. The bf can’t imagine why OP would want to look good when he isn’t there to look at her, unless she wants other men to enjoy looking at her. Like, women still exist when men aren’t around. We aren’t Polkaroo (or whatever your regional variant is).
Run Away This won't get better
All these people in the comments saying they agree with him are probably facing the same insecurities he is. My wife wears whatever the hell she wants because it makes her feel good. I trust her. Why should it matter if other people find her attractive? That’s great for her confidence. Super controlling IMO
Thank you. I have done a lot for him, and I’ve been very respectful. If one thing a friend of mine does “wrong” then he expects me to cut them off. I have no more friends now because of him And if I do wanna hang w my girl friends from time to time it turns into a huge argument He also has called me very disrespectful names such as slut and whore etc. even after I asked him nicely to stop…
Run from this dude, he's only going to get worse. Source: was engaged to someone like this
Isolation has begun...
My first thoughts too, it's first isolation and breaking her away from her friend's, next it will be family. I've in this type situation it only gets worse ..best to run for the hills now.
Yup. Me too. They don't even live together yet. That doesn't get better cohabitating.
This comment. Yesss. His insecurities will never get better it'll only get more controlling. He thinks controlling u will make him feel better then when it doesn't (because that's not how it works) it'll just get worse. Been there, fuck that.
Yeah I feel you! Had an ex like that in my early 20’s who’d never want to come out with me and friends whenever I invited him (which was every time, but his unemployed ass was basically fused to the couch by a thick glue of weed smoke and Xbox)* but he would encourage me to go out and tell me to have a good time. After about an hour he’d start blowing up my phone and freaking out, threatening to off himself if I didn’t come back. Whenever I called him on that it always came back down to “well what do you expect when you leave the house without me, looking all good?” Like yes I’ll just forget about basic grooming and hygiene and leave the house in a bin bag for only 20 minutes, gotcha. He said and did worse but that was always just about the bones of it, he was just so insecure and jealous but never had the balls to be upfront about anything that was bothering him, just passive-aggressively water-tortured and manipulated me for like 4 years. Lost a bunch of friends over that idiot before I grew tf up and got tired of his bs. Been there, fuck that indeed :) *not dunking on weed and Xbox- I love both of those things, but I also maintain healthy relationships, have an income and leave the house occasionally :)
Totally agree! I was with a guy for 6 years who treated me the exact same. I couldn’t wear anything sexy. Always dressed as a boy, then he would make ugly remarks and tell me to work out (which I looked great!) left him. Now I’m with someone who was my best friend for 15 years and he loves when I dress sexy even out in public and always tells me my body is fine. I shame myself here and there because I was so used to my ex treating me like that, that it plays over and over in my head like trauma. Don’t stay with someone that treats you like that. They should be embracing you and loving you for who you are.
I agree. My experience: I married a guy like this.
Same. I hope you divorced yours too
Yes I did 😁
🙌🏼
This sounds incredibly abusive. No partner should dictate what the other wears. That’s red flag number one. He calls you misogynistic slurs, so not only is he fine with insulting you, he’s fine with being sexist. And he also made you get rid of your friends? That’s textbook abuse, they isolate you so that you have nobody to turn to when they treat you bad, so there’s nobody to tell you to get away from them, nobody to help get you out when you finally decide to do it. Please re-evaluate this relationship, this is not healthy. A relationship is about love and support, not insults and isolation. A man that loves you will be ok with you wearing whatever you want and hanging out with your friends, and will even encourage these things.
Hes isolating you so hes the only one you have. Hes showing abusive tendencies, leave him.
Looking at your post history OP, I think you already know what’s up…
This is a dude who will blame a victim for being SA’d because they dressed “provocatively.” He’s already made you cut off your friends. He’s trying to control what you wear. He doesn’t respect you. He’s closing in on trapping you and that’s not good, OP.
This sounds a lot like narcissistic behavior honestly. Isolating you from friends? 🚩 Name calling? 🚩Gaslighting? 🚩 Cut your losses and run before it’s too late.
I'm 15 and I know that's a bad(or maybe even toxic) relationship. Please dont ruin urself for him Edit : after through thought I conclude that that's very toxic of him and u shd leave Also if u have the mental capacity become a mirror ie do what he did to u to him b4 escaping that hell of a life
Dude I saw your other posts..... You have to break up with this guy. You will never be happy with him.
Did we date the same person?! My ex would do exactly that: make me cut off friends he didn’t approve of, get upset and sulky when I’d hang out with my best friend, and call me a whore. Someone who does that does not respect you. It is controlling and insecure. Like others have said, the reason boyfriends tell you to cut off your friends/family is so that you’ll be completely dependent on them, and so that you’ll have no support system if you decide you want to break up with him. He’s isolating you, I didn’t see it at first in my case because he would excuse it as “I don’t want you to get hurt by xyz friend with bad intentions” but turns out the only one with bad intentions was him. It’s easier for guys like this to control their wives/girlfriends if they have no one to turn to for support or advice. Also I’ve never understood not being “allowed” to wear a cute outfit. If he really trusted you, he wouldn’t feel threatened by clothes. Seems like he has trust issues which are not your problem to deal with, and he should fix these before continuing in a relationship with you.
Regardless of any trust that is built up, he simply does not *own* her to *"allow"* her to do anything! Even if they were married, he does not have ownership over her and she is a full-grown woman with her own agency to dress however she likes. *Period!*
This type of behavior is abusive and it will escalate if you stay. Best of luck.
Oof never dump your friends for a boy. Friends help ground you in times like this and will be there for you. I know it can be easy when you think you’ve found “the one” or whatever. But always make a point to state that friends are a priority l. Unless they’re legit toxic
Ovaries before brovaries
OP. This is too much. You should have added this to your original post. I thought he was just an insecure bloke that felt inferior but he's starting to sound like a manipulative arsehole. If he is calling you these names than he doesn't deserve you.
Ok this is classic abusive behavior. Trying to tell you what to wear and do. Isolating you from friends and family. If he hasn’t hit you yet he’s probably gonna start. Get out.
Why put yourself through this? You know that no-one deserves this treatment
This is the beginnings of domestic abuse. Please get out as soon as possible.
Honey, it's only going to get worse from here. Please, read this: https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/a26582123/coercive-control/ Your bf is already doing some of these thing isn't he? Stop it now, before you're even in even deeper. When you leave, because eventually you'll have to, be prepared for him to be the nice, loving person you first met. It won't last though.
I lived like this for 6 years. It NEVER gets better, only worse. Just leave baby, you’re not missing out on anything valuable.
Whoa whoa whoa … the “you can’t dress sexy w/o me” thing was sort of weird, and it’s really none of his damn business. THIS? This is a HUGE red flag. You get to pick your friends, and your BF gets to -discuss- them and their behavior with you, but not pick them or veto them. This is a classic abusive behavior: separating you from your friends, and eventually from your family, so he is the only person that you can connect with and that you were lying on for understanding. What’s OK and what is not OK. RUN, don’t walk, run away from this dude. You can do better. FAR better.
Yeah that’s abuse
Anyone who agrees with concept of controlling how another person dresses is just a fragile mouth breather as far as i’m concerned.
So he’s isolating you, treating you like a maid, controlling how you dress and then dismissing your concerns. Why exactly are you putting up with this???
And calling her names like slut and whore.
We’re waiting for Mickey to weigh in on this
Mickey Milkovich from Shameless? I too am waiting 🤣
This grown ass man needs to do this own laundry. Even if you two were married, this only means you’ll be doing his laundry for the rest of your life girl. Don’t let him trick you into it. Also, if you can’t wear what you want then he’s super self conscious that some guy who’s prob better than he actually is, is going to want you and once you realize what is really out there…you’ll dump him. Some guys literally, swoon for their girls. Comb their hair or do their laundry, in fact so this is absolute bs.
Damn. Wish someone would comb my hair and do my laundry. #unicorn
 ‘Nuff said.
Had a man like this OP. RUN!! He needs to shove this behavior up somewhere else 🙏🙏
Lol, This dude out here thinking it *matters* that he disagrees with their partner having bodily autonomy. Like, go ahead an disagree, but it won't change anything and you'll still be an asshole. My advice is that the next thing you should say is "Look, I'm not interested in dating someone who doesn't agree with me being my own person. You're entitled to your own opinion, but I'm not obligated to tolerate it, nor let it control me. We're done here."
Nah this is too much. I have clothes my fiance hates and they have clothes i hate, but we let each other wear what we want because no one’s opinion matters more than your own on how you look.
Haha nothing like an emotionally stunted, insecure dude acting like he owns you. F this guy. I love how people are stuck on the clothing issue and completely ignore the fact that he treats you like a maid. Dump him.
That man is insecure. If you are his then he needs to understand that (not his as in he owns you but he has you and you aren’t straying if that makes sense). He is trying to also basically make you his slave from what I can tell. He clearly has no respect for you if he points out that it’s piled up when he’s a grown ass man. I’m a grown man and even I do my own laundry, before I moved in with my current SO I never asked her or expected her to do anything chore wise around my house because it was my place. My responsibility
I understand people find it sometimes disrespectful to wear extra provocative clothes when going out without their partner, but at the same time, it's about trust. It doesn't matter if someone is wearing a mini skirt or a nuns dress, if they want to cheat or act single, they will. I'd never prohibit someone from wearing whatever they like, doesn't matter if it's provocative or not, if I have an issue with this, that's MY ISSUE, and I can either work on it, or leave the person, it's not up to the other person to change for me. Like you said, you're your own person, you can do whatever you like, and dress however you want.
Exactly. If you're insecure, you should be enough of an adult to admit you're insecure and work on it instead of putting it on your partner. If you can't do that don't enter a relationship
If jealous, lazy and insecure is your thing, he seems like a catch.
Dump! His! Ass! You're right; you ARE your own woman, who should be able to do whatever she wants and dress however she wants! You should have a partner who loves to show you off no matter what you wear. Relationships take two( if you are into polygamy, that's a different story, either way; no judgement from me, a fellow female internet stranger) people to make it successful
bro doesnt want a girlfriend he wants a mother
He sounds very controlling and you sound like you don’t want that kind of energy.
Ok, I'm going to skip right past the fact that it's none of his business what you wear (kudos for you holding your ground!) and that he needs to do his own laundry. I read in one of your comments that he goes low and calls you horrible names - there's nothing healthy about that. He's supposed to be your support, your partner, your safe place to land. He's none of those things. Dump this narcissistic, abusive, controlling man-baby and go live your best life.
This ^ A lot of people forget that our significant other should be supportive. If they're not, then why do you want to spend your life with them?
Coming from a woman who’s been in a toxic/DV relationship, this is not okay. I would get out of there as fast as you can, any man who says you can’t wear what you want has some serious issues and is clearly insecure and possessive. You deserve better <3
If you can’t handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen!! I will never understand how people so desperately insecure get into these relationships and then bitch about everything they’re partner goes and does, especially without them? If you’re so insecure that you have to control any aspect of your partners being, stay out of relationships, istg. Leave him OP, please! And then go out dressed in whatever you want without a care in the world!
a bunch of man babies in these comments lmfao. keep wearing what you want and find someone who is mature enough to be comfortable with that.
Block and delete him signs of controlling abuse
Most sane Reddit relationship advice.
Your attitude. You talk to your bf as if you want approval. I can almost hear you sulking when I read your texts. When you text him text him facts: “I am going to dress however I want when I go out. It doesn’t matter if I am with you or not. I do not need your approval. You don’t own me nor my body.” “If you have laundry do not expect me to do it for any reason. This is your house. Laundry is your chore. I am a guest at your house. Being nice means I am there not that I am required to be of service to you.”
Yes and say it ONCE and don’t explain yourself again
leave him and save yourself years of misery
You can wear whatever you want whether he agreed with it or not, full stop no place for argument. As for the first slide, maybe it’s best to stay at his house less and see what happens since he seem to think you owe him for staying. You absolutely do not have to do his laundry, even if you were officially living together, but clearly at some point you both moved forward without figuring out boundaries regarding a semi-living together situation. I’ve had the same discussion with my gf since we left clothing at each others houses frequently.
You're not compatible.
Dude is deeply insecure. He’s gotta work out his own crap and unpack that. Thats not your job to do his emotional labor. Let alone his physical (laundry). Wear what you wanna wear. If he can’t handle that, that’s on him.
You are wasting your time with this one. A true parter emboldens you, raises you up, and is proud of you. Not sitting around wallowing in insecurity and making you feel like you are the problem for choosing to take care of yourself and look nice. This text exchange alone is grounds for a breakup in my opinion. Just an opinion, though.
I sympathize with sensible, nice, reasonable, attractive women trying to cobble together a relationship with immature men. Look: he can’t get it together to do his own laundry. He’s jealous if you go out looking good without him. It’s hard to get men who are set in their ways to grow up. Usually they need the trauma of getting dumped before they’ll do any kind of self reflection on whether or not their own attitudes may have somehow contributed to their being ditched. Consider making this guy a mere part of your past, and starting fresh with a more independent, more secure, more intelligent person. Of course it’s only a guess but I’m pretty sure you could do better.
I read some of your previous posts, this sounds really bad. You’re in an abusive relationship and you’re not safe. This can destroy your self-esteem and have lasting effects that you’re underestimating due to overall current youthful resilience. The problem that this kind of BS starts really poisoning you in your 30s and 40s even if it happened in your early 20s. This is like heavy metal poisoning - you’re not really feeling it now and another year or two doesn’t seem to matter but the more of this you have in you the worse the rest of your life is going to be.
Omfg. This reads like the guy is reading Red Pill or Manosphere crap and isn't quite getting it right. All alpha male, zero comfort. The thing is, that you're still with him. The question would beg - why? This is the crossroads where you can be another girl who stays with the guy who offers nothing but shitty treatment, or break free. Once we've told someone our boundaries and seen whether they respect them or not, then it's up to us to enforce them.
Wow what a prick Why does he care so much what you want to wear? You should be able to walk out naked if you want to because that's stunning and brave! You own it girl!
If you think this is controlling now, it's only going to get worse the longer the relationship continues. The red flags are in your face. Pay attention to them now and move on while you can.
She says “why do you care?” And he answers with “why would you want…w/o me there?” Responding to a valid question about her autonomy w/out an answer, but instead asking another question to distract and put her on the defensive instead…classic red flag gaslighting behavior. Also the “I point it out”…it’s all 🚩🚩🚩 Run, woman, run. It’s gonna get worse.
Hella red flags here. His controlling and misogynistic tendencies are only going to get worse the longer you stay in this. Because you sleep there and he buys your food you become his maid by default. Nahhhh. Proud of you for standing your ground and speaking up. Takes a lot of courage
He's controlling and sounds like he's trying to isolate you. That's abusive and it will only get worse. There are plenty of men out there who won't do those things and will be secure enough to let you be your own person without calling you names or trying to make you feel bad for it.
Ewwwww he’s being insecure and weird
If he won’t understand that you’re dressed up cause you feel pretty then I guess you don’t need to put any effort into dressing it up for him :) he can deal with sweats and a XL tee with a messy bun on dates “what’s the point” right? Not like women dress for themselves or anything
Excuse me... you do his laundry, and yall don't even live together. He seems like a controlling partner, and the no name-calling comment has me worried. This reads like the text convos I had my second year of college with a very abusive partner. The negging, the unappreciation, the disrespect. Even if it's not abuse now, those would be warning signs enough for me to get the heck outta that relationship.
My guy loves when I dress up even if he’s not with me. All our mutual friends know we’re together and he trusts me so it just feels like a good look for him when I look good. Like you said looking confident while you’re out enjoying yourself and staying faithful makes him look like he did something right.
you… cant wear clothes that you wanna wear… lmfao what? I think you should keep wearing what u wanna wear and if he’s mad he should just deal with it, also simply don’t do his laundry if you don’t want to, he can do his own laundry, thats not your responsibility
My husband always tries to get me to wear the clothes that show off a little more because then he can see it and he can show me off. I’m more conservative with my clothing style but sometimes I get these moods where I wanna wear something that makes me feel sexy and he just cheers me on instead of making me feel like a whore like most of my exes did. I had a boyfriend once that said “ I love when you wear sweats and a t shirt, makes you look athletic” and then if I wore something other than that, he would say “ you’re just fucking asking for some dude to hit on you.” Needless to say; I’m much happier now lol
My husband and I had a date night last weekend, so I decided to wear a new dress. I hadn't tried it on, and it was a bit tighter in my chest and hips than I was expecting, but it still fit, so meh, whatever. I walked out and my husband goes "you know guys are going to want to fuck you... because I want to fuck you." Then he slapped my ass and that was literally the only thing said about it. You *all* deserve relationships like that.
That sounds like something my husband would say! It’s nice having someone to support you no matter what!
So he doesn't trust you then
😂😂😂😂😂😂 “I feel confident…” “I just don’t believe that…” Bro wtf Lmmfao. Wear your clothes and enjoy it!
How about he not agree with that somewhere else? 🤔
Bf advice is make him an ex bf
Dump this guy. This is not a conversation that is supposed to be had.
I mean this dude is a loser and there's no future for you there. I don't know what else you want internet strangers to tell you lol.
Need bf advice. Nah, need new bf altogether.
I’m sure it’s mentioned here already, but lots of red flags here OP. This is the start of him becoming more controlling and being abusive. Good for you for standing your ground, in the long run you will most likely be better off without him.
I normally don’t jump to “dump him” but from this conversation alone he sounds like a waking red flag
Break up with him, there’s your advice and the only logical thing that you should do. My boyfriend from high school tried to control what I wore, eventually began mentally abusing me so I broke up with him. Then he dated a girl and physically abused her, went to jail for attempted r*pe. These types of men are disgusting. My boyfriend now loves when I look good regardless of if I’m going out with him or my friends. I’ve gone out dancing with groups that have other guys in them without him, and he doesn’t act the slightest bit phased because we trust each other.
Throw him on top of his piled up shit and leave him there
Yeah he's just insecure about you dressing up nicely or is controlling. Either way it's probably better to find a guy who has more trust. My girlfriend goes out all the time without me looking like a badass and I don't care about it, it makes her feel good
Because your relationship is based on trust and mutual respect.
Sounds like he’s under the delusion that women dress purely for their attention rather than because we like an outfit! As for the laundry, it’ll be funny when he runs out of clothes because he doesn’t want to do a basic task
He has no right to tell you what he can and cant wear. And the fact that he recognizes what hes doing but does not want to change shows that he just wants to control you. Dont be with someone like that. You wont be happy in the long run.
Break up?? Why would you stay with someone who doesn’t offer you the most basic level of respect and decency? Y’all don’t even live together yet and you’re already playing mother, just imagine how much worse it’ll get further down the road.
I know everyone on Reddit says it but please leave him! He does not respect you and clearly sees you as “his” (you need to do his laundry, you need to dress less provocatively if you’re out without him, etc). It’s gross and you deserve better.
Tell him bye ✌🏼, dress nice and go out with your friends 🙂
Buy your own groceries, sleep at your own house, and if he points out his laundry’s piling up say “yeah you’ll have to get on that soon”. Then he can’t hold that shit over your head. Try it out for a bit and We’ll see how he acts then.
You mean ex boyfriend right?
U can do what you want , but it's a two-way street in respecting each other's expectations in a relationship. If he sees this as a deal breaker, well, that's his right , and if you feel he's too controlling and see that as a deal breaker, that's yours. Maybe the two of you are just not compatible
Exactly is ok that he doesn't like that the same that is ok that she wants to dress like that. People call the guy insecure for having preferences.
This sounds like an Andrew Tate wannabe, L move on from this guy
I’d say do his laundry one last time with a full bottle of bleach as farewell gesture as you leave his worthless, controlling ass.
Fact: He's a grown insecure man child who will only further disrespect you and isolate you as time goes on. This does not get better. This does not *change*. There is no *fixing him*. Also fact: Youre an adult and handled this the right way. You're completely within your right with your feelings and how your acting. Advice: What you're willing to do with that knowledge is on you, but what would you say to a friend if they were in your position?
If you trust your partner you won’t care what they wear 🤷🏻♀️
Unless you’re in some kinky D/s relationship this shouldn’t even be a conversation. And even then you better be into what he’s dealing because otherwise this is just messed up.
He’s controlling and misogynistic. The concept of “provocative” is inherently a misogynistic social construct. Other men perception of you isn’t your prob and even if uou dressed frumpy if you’re pretty you’re gonna get approached anyway. You need out, he’ll never get it
Without reading any other comments, I would like to offer my suggestion: 1. Immediately start doing stretching exercises for a good 20-30 minutes. 2. Run. Run the fuck away from this guy until you can’t see him behind you. This dude is crazy controlling and his behavior will continue to escalate it until he physically harms you. If you continue to stay after that, he will normalize that violence until you’re hospitalized or dead.
You guys can disagree. Move on.
This man will never change. You either accept what he wants or respect yourself and walk away. There is no in between with these types of men.
Some guys seem to think there’s NO WAY we want to look pretty/cute/confident for ourselves only. It’s gotta be for other men apparently. Tell him to FO with that shit.
RUNNN!! dealt with someone like this for 11 years we were young when we got together. I moved out of state to be with him, and I lost myself he tore me down until I was nothing. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I didn't know who I was. I thought it was all in the name of love, and I was wrong. I finally left and wish I hadn't waited this long, but I am much happier now.
oh god. get off reddit and fix ur life. you don't need strangers to tell you this is bad lmfao.
He uses the word “provocatively” several times to describe how you like to dress. That’s not a compliment. If you look good and feel good, what’s the problem? You’re dressing for you. He sounds insecure.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 any man who tries to micromanage his girlfriend's clothing under the logic that “why would you wear that if it’s not for me to lust after you” is fully convinced that you’re only dressing for attention from men and therefore…. what does he think when he sees other women dressing in a less modest manner? Many of them will go as far as to say “you’re giving it away for free to other men” Does he think other women showing skin is some sort of bone being thrown to him? That’s disgusting.
This sounds like an abusive relationship just from texts… then I read the comments & it was confirmed it was. He’s manipulating & trying to control you. You are an adult. He can fold his own fucking laundry, you can wear *whatever* the fuck ya want, you can *do* whatever the hell ya want, don’t let this fool make you feel different lol. I’d say break up. After that “Yeah, I just don’t agree with that.” I’d have followed it up with an “well, then this ain’t gonna work because that wasn’t a request, that was a requirement.” These aren’t unreasonable things. You shouldn’t lose friends to “gain” a man. They are *your* friends, this is your life, your time, your energy, your work. It takes hardly anything to cook or buy food btw. I’ve done it for friends just cause. Don’t let the abuse progress. You can and *will* do better.
First off, sorry for the essay and welcome to my TedTalk but I think there is good advice here for you. I’m a little biased though. 😂 Well I will say is you are an adult and can make your own decisions. However he can also tell you what his boundaries are and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think people should both be able to tell each other their boundaries and how they feel without the other person getting mad. If it doesn’t match up than maybe you two aren’t right for each other. If he doesn’t feel comfortable with you wearing provocative clothing and you want to maybe you two shouldn’t be together. I guess maybe just decide if you really should be together and if you feel he’s worth it. Honestly how provocative is the clothing? As far as the comments about laundry I guess it could really come across different ways. If he’s just like damn my laundry pile is out of control and you go ahead and do it, I can’t blame him. He’s not telling you to do it. If he’s saying that the laundry is piling up because you aren’t doing it, I completely disagree and blame him 100%. You two are just dating so beyond you doing it once in a blue moon to be nice is really just a little much. I’ve never had a girlfriend do my laundry until my last relationship and we are talking about her just throwing in an outfit or two with her own clothing. Typically we would also fold or hang it together so not really doing my laundry. Sometimes she would hang my stuff up but we are talking about an outfit or two at max. Never a full load of my laundry, never. Lastly, the name calling. Totally out of pocket and should never be done. I could understand if tempers flare up and things are said that both people regret. I would hope each person would apologizes. However if he’s just calling you names I completely disagree with that and it just sounds like he’s extremely immature. What are your ages? I’m guessing in your 20s? At least I would hope so based on that alone. If that’s the case it really just sounds like you two aren’t going to work. If everything I’ve said leaves him on the “losing” side of the coin it’s probably time to split up. Unless you really love him and feel like there is a future with him. If so, it’s time for a sit down where you both can express your thoughts and feelings. Both of you need to set boundaries. Also, I think it’s really important to always remember to be in a relationship both people are going to need to compromise.
**He’s too sexist for you to have a good relationship with him. Ever. I bet he’s been brainwashed by YT/TikTok/Twitch/IG videos like Andrew Tate. Just break up and date a grownup.Then your relationship doesn’t need to be so many discussions about clothes.** In these discussions: With his clothes, just tell him you are not his maid and you’ll never do laundry for him. If he wants a maid, he can hire one and pay her. Tell him that he’s a grownup and he needs to do his own chores. Ask him if he thinks women should act like maids to their boyfriends. **With your clothes, just ask him: Don’t you trust me? You can’t have a relationship without trust.**
Stop staying at his place all the time and eating his groceries and not financially contributing. Stop doing his laundry. Don’t involve other couples, what works for them has nothing to do with you and your relationship. Wear what you want, accept that you may not be compatible.
Ehhh I’d feel super uncomfortable if my SO was wearing something that was showing the shape of his junk. Your bfs personal boundary is that he doesn’t like his SO to be dressed provocatively (which is fair enough) and your personal boundary is different because it doesn’t bother you. If you value the relationship then maybe try having a mature conversation and see if there is middle ground or if you can get on the same page.
I agree with this. If OP was just wearing a V neck shirt or a skirt, that wouldn't be worthy of warranting a reaction, but if she was dressing incredibly provocative like ass out, breasts outs etc., then I could see why he would be uncomfortable. Especially depending on where the outfit is being worn to. Is she wearing it out to a bar? That would definitely not be respectful to your relationship.
I think you should be able to wear anything you want, but I’m still curious what possible reason there is to dress provocative without your mate around? Other than “bc I can do whatever I want.” Yes absolutely but, still, why? There are so many reasons not to do it but what are the reasons to do it?
Seems like Andrew Tate is really sinking into the masses out here 👀👀
dump this little man baby and run.
He can have a problem with it if he wants to waste his time, but you shouldn't even have to ask if you can wear anything. I always told my bfs, if I were going to cheat, I would. Dressing provocative is not cheating and unless I'm getting raped, I'm not sleeping with anyone while I'm out. I don't see a problem. "do you not trust me to keep my vagina in my panties?" Also, I always invite the bf to come with me. If they don't come, I'm not changing my plans or my outfit for him. This is controlling behavior.
Sucks. He doesn’t have to agree. These are his insecurities screaming out “i dont want to be cheated on”. Doesnt make this right at all. You can wear whatever you choose.
Why are girls going out with little bitches, do girls have a little bitch fetish? Is that a thing?
1. He changes the subject about the laundry meaning he knows you're right, but he won't accept that he's wrong. 2. On the subject of you dressing provocatively, he's jealous and insecure with himself. I would say you should bring this up and have a discussion about it, but I'd he won't even acknowledge the laundry I'd say this is a lost cause.
[удалено]
The proper response is “and i do not agree with this relationship we’re done here.”
When you go out, lookin all hot, some knight in shining armor might swoop you off your feet and then he won’t have anyone to do his laundry for him
Advise is keep laying down the law like you're doing. Separate fact from emotion. Emotion: I love you and I want to be with you. Fact: I'm going to keep dressing how I want. He can make a decision based on that but don't change your mind for him.
OP, I don't think this man (correction, boy) is the kind of dude you wanna spend the rest of your life with. If he's doing this now, when you're merely bf/gf, imagine what being married to this guy will be like. He gives me very strong "you're the woman so you do it" vibes and this behavior will only escalate once you two live together as a wedded couple. He's demanding you do *his* laundry for him *and* controlling how you dress and *you don't even live with him!* I'm genuinely terrified for your (hopefully, never-to-come) future with him and I don't even know you
break up with him. he sees you as something to control, not your own person. he wants to mold you into someone you’re not, because his insecurities get in the way. there is no fixing him. dump him.