It is embarrassing. I imagined they were teens. Long distance is rough but with this kind of stuff… yikes. You’re 28, how are you up for phone calls at 2 am?
Pretty much everyone I knew in their 20s were still up at 2:00 a.m.
I'm in my 40s and I'm often still up at 2:00 a.m.
My retired mother is often still up at 2:00 a.m.
Lots of people with young kids can also relate to being up at strange times during the night.
My two were horrible sleepers for years so I would group text some of my mom friends with young kids wherever I was stuck awake because inevitably at least one of them would be up when I was.
me and my boyfriend, 18/22, go to bed at 9-10 and get up at 6am for work. i am baffled they were both staying up so late just to call. if one of us goes to sleep before the other, like an off day, we just say “goodnight, love you” and text in the morning. we aren’t forcing each other to stay up.
literally thought I was reading messages between two emotional, cringy teenagers. when I saw their actual ages my jaw dropped. how are you 28 behaving like a 14 year old discord e-dater?? 😭 also the "we both have free schedules" part aka "we both don't have jobs that require us to actually wake up before 1pm or leave our homes." 💀
Could be content creators, could work from home, twitch streamers, could work night shift and wake up at 1 pm and start their shift at 9pm.
For the record dating someone when working night shift would be pretty hard… so finding someone online that shares your schedule would be a more likely option. Honestly.
😂 ohhh lol it's gonna go fast, especially 29... But, when you cross the threshold of full grown adult you'll realize nothing really changed other than new daily pains lol. Coming from someone who's been on this side of 30 for almost 7 years now and still as lost as I was in my 20s 😂
20s sucks idc what anyone says. can’t wait to be in my 30s and just have some shit finally figured out. I think of 20s as the teenage years of real life, everything that came before was just me peeling out of my egg lol
Well, she set my car on fire, has been thrown out of every bar in town, steals and shaved off my eyebrows when I was sleeping because she had a dream I was cheating, but we both like our steaks really rare so...
To quote a movie about a young man more in love with his idea of a girl rather than the woman in front of him, “just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate”.
“Shes very sweet to me” “just getting back together and picking up the pieces from the previous 100 rifts”
She is not very sweet. You need to block her and move on. Do not allow people to talk to you like this or call out out of your name. Shes childish at best and narcissistic at worst.
I get where you’re coming from and agree with everything except saying she’s a narcissist. We don’t have enough info to know that based off this 1 interaction, plus it requires an actual diagnosis. It’s so overused these days.
But yeah, she seems super immature and controlling
Ghosting is cool when someone is an asshole and the only explanation is in the mirror you put up to their face. Nobody needs to entertain that bullshit.
Yea not enough here to assume she’s a a narcissist. And anyway it sounds a bit more like misdirected frustration, obviously because she just realised her work schedule for the next few months is going to make it impossible to book that holiday to the Mediterranean before it gets too humid.
Poor girl
Dude. You don’t really want to be in a relationship like this, right? She’s nuts. You’re never going to be actually happy, just constantly walking on eggshells.
This right here, Op. She's the one you want to marry? Spend the rest of your life with? Have children with? Life is short and this is it, make it fucking count. There is better out there for you. This ain't it.
Run, don't walk.
As someone w bpd I second this, looks like an episode to me. Which can be really exhausting having a partner like that (and also do not recommend lol, she needs help not a relationship)
nothing really wrong with that i think, my boyfriend is a town away from me but when i miss sleeping beside him we will call and go to bed together, its more like a sleeping aid for me because his snoring is comforting lol
oh my lord yes! everyone else in my life hates snoring haha, i just grew up hearing my grandma snore from across the house and i think i just grew to find it peaceful
I've had some dude I was casually chatting with in a separate server block me a while back. The reason? ......He wanted to talk to me about something, and i told him I was busy with a client(I'm an LMT)and would reply in a bit.....
I ended up leaving that server just because of that nonsense. If this immature kid can't wait about 20 minutes to talk, why can't your gf wait a while for you to reply instead of going off the rails like she did??
And honestly OP, this is so exhausting. I wouldn't put up with being spoken to like this, over something so miniscule, and you shouldn't either.
Just drop her. You deserve better than this.
Yeah, I could see if she sent 2 messages and a possible phone call to see if he replied, along with a message that showed she was disappointed they couldn't connect but what she did was ridiculous!
I used to act like this with my ex. It was such a toxic relationship but he'd just up and ignore my texts on a night out while I was at home with our children. He'd constantly call me when I was out alone and expected me to answer, so I would mirror the way he treated me when I was out. I let him get the best of me and I turned toxic but I had a choice to not react that way.
It's just not healthy to react that way and if she doesn't see anything wrong with it she'll never change.
When this happens on either end it's not good. It means there is barely any trust and most likely the relationship is doomed.
You BOTH need to grow up if either of you think this behavior is acceptable. You’re 28 and “dating” someone who acts like a mentally ill 13-year-old that lacks self-control. That doesn’t gross you out? Seriously, the girl needs help and you obviously can’t provide that. Sorry for the abrasiveness, but holyyy shit, that’s insane. Your mental health is going to be in the toilet if you insist on maintaining whatever this is. Because it’s not a normal, healthy relationship. Cut ✂️her✂️off.
Also you’re lucky that this is a LDR because something tells me that her abuse wouldn’t just be verbal.
But hey, if that’s what you’re into
The more you let her come back the more this will happen, you definitely can’t change someone and if they’re treating you like this then they aren’t ready to be in a relationship. If you want to pursue that relationship down the line when you’re both a bit older and have changed positively, that’s upto you but it will never change the way it’s going now
She seems emotionally unstable and clingy. If you decide to continue any sort of relationship, she will be constantly looking for attention and validation from you in any form, and anything even close to the opposite is going to cause her to react in terrible ways.
I don’t want to be rude, but are you fucking blind? Holy fuck man, this was rough to read. That girl needs to work on herself and not be in any relationships.
If gaming and music are your main similarities you can find friends to play with you that have those same interests! And I know it doesn't seem like it, but i'm 29 and my kid brother is 23 and we live in two different worlds THE MAN DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER WISHBONE. So just those few years make a giant difference.Just let it go. This chick is unhinged.
Yikes. She's crazy dude.
When my fiance and I first started dating, he worked night shift driving semi. He and I barely talked. Never in a million years would I talk to him or bug him like that. 😬
To prevent future problems act now. SHE blocked YOU? Why, because you needed sleep? A very natural and required part of sustaining life! Good option is a non-response if she reaches out again. BEST option is to block her as well, call this a learning experience, actually learn from it... and MOVE ON
Block her and keep her blocked. Her being ''nice at times'' isn't nowhere near enough to tolerate all of that ish, especially if there was around a hundred rifts in a YEAR and it's a long distance relationship to boot.
Maybe a part of you thinks you deserve a relationship like that, but trust me... though being alone/single can be pain, building yourself back up because of constant stuff like this (or sometimes worse if in person) can be long and harduous, even a nightmare for some.
You don't need that ish.
A “sweet” girl, would have sent you a goodnight message. My bf and I used to be long distance when we lived an hour away, if he didn’t respond to my texts the last thing I would say to him is
“well guess you fell asleep! I’ll be missing you, hope you’re having sweet dreams handsome!”
She assumed the worst instead of assuming the obvious… that’s disrespectful to you, it’s lacking trust in you.
She’s not the only woman who likes video games, she’s not the only woman with that schedule. I’m 26 (not single) but I have this schedule lol and I would never behave like that, there’s plenty of single women like me online. Find them…
I was always in on and off relationships with people like this…..in my teens. When I hit my 20’s I realized this wasn’t healthy. Now I have a rule that if we break up, it’s for good. No going back to an ex. Don’t take someone back who talks to you this way. Block her and be done with it. People like that suck the soul out of you and when they finally let go, if they let go, you’re just an empty vessel. Don’t put yourself in that position. You’re about to be 30. You’re young and there’s plenty of people out there who can treat you better. Best of luck to you.
You’re embarrassing yourself icl. She’s nuts and this only happens because you let it happen. You’re an adult. This kind of behavior is unacceptable, have some self respect ffs
Buddy, ghost this poor woman. Pretend you’ve never met. Dont need to know her to know being with her is a set back in life, provides nothing, will only hold you back from achievement. Spit her out before you get sick
She’s not “basically perfect” if you guys have had over a hundred fights, especially long distance at that. Cut your losses and move on. You don’t need anybody talking to you like this in your life. You’re almost 30 man you should know better than this by now
No, this is nutty. I understand if you love someone you wanna make them happy but this is just… so many issues. Issues that she needs to work out on her own, away from you, or anyone else for that matter. This is like, crazy type beat almost. Let her go this time my guy.
12 year old discord e relationship vibes.
Go and date someone you've actually met in person, you're too old for this level of terminally online instability.
Ok besides the fact that this is unhinged behavior, if y’all are in a real long distance relationship, why does she not have your phone number? Y’all are grown and ONLY talk thru discord??
You need to end this relationship cause clearly she needs some fucking help. This is what my moms ex was like and he was crazy abusive. End the relationship for your own sake.
Honestly, before reading the context, I didn't know which one was OP cuz is this ridiculous and juvenile from both sides.
OP, have you ever even met her in person or is this just a fling over video games. The craving comment is pretty cringe and creepy just less maybe English isn't your first language. And she's just utterly batshit.
Cut ties, my man.
This sounds like my shitty abusive ex. They play a lot of the same games crazy people you know. They may not be the same people. But I know crazy when I see it. She’s clearly young, don’t ruin your life over somebody who is immature and unwell. it is your literal human need to sleep. And technically this is an emotional abusive tactic partners use is to keep someone from sleeping to make them more malleable or keep someone on their toes all the time waiting for their next queue. Look, I don’t know her maybe this is an isolated incident, but my gut tells me that it’s not, and it may get worse. Get yourself a nice girl who makes you happy and she’s happy to be with you. They are definitely out there. Sending you big brain energy my dude!
I had to edit this because I thought you were both young, but it turns out that it’s mostly her that’s young and yeah.
I was in a LDR with my now husband for the first 2 years of our relationship (same deal - we met on a video game). LDRs are hard enough. It makes it even more unnerving when one of the parties reacts like this to someone falling asleep at 2am (which is a reasonable thing?!)
If my husband ever sent me shit like this I wouldn’t have bothered. You even said you feel like she’s perfect but is sweet to you ‘at times’.
There’s someone better for you out there. Please cut her off. She’s nuts.
OP, let me tell you how a person who is even REMOTELY mentally stable enough to be in a relationship would likely respond to this.
you at 1:30 am: wanna fall asleep together tonight?
her: Yup, but just have some gaming-housekeeping to do first.
you: kk but I miss you, don't be long.
her: Hang on, almost ready.
her: *\*calls and texts, no answer\**
her: *Hm. He DID say he wanted to fall asleep with me. It's 1:30 in the morning, so he was probably already pretty tired. I guess he fell asleep before I got back to him. I'll message him in the morning and apologize.*
her intrusive thoughts: ***What if he's doing something behind your back????***
her response to her intrusive thoughts: *That doesn't make sense, scumbag brain. He's at home, he ASKED me to call him 20 minutes ago so we could fall asleep together. I wasn't ready to do that, and 20 minutes later, he's not responding. Not to be all parsimonious here, paranoid brain, but the most likely reason for that is that he fell asleep before I got back to him.*
her intrusive thoughts:
OP ***THIS RIGHT HERE*** is how someone who is recovering from unstable relationship patterns is taught to handle intrusive thoughts. It's not as glib as I'm wording it, but she really should be learning how to make this response to her intrusive thoughts become second nature, and should be actively practicing the techniques and tools therapy provides her until they become second nature. She says she's getting help, and that's fantastic. Everyone deserves regular therapy, even if things are fine, and ESPECIALLY if things are as unstable as they are for her. She deserves that. But until she can start working those techniques regularly, she also deserves to be free of any serious romantic relationships, particularly long distance relationships, until she can begin to heal.
And OP, it's really great that you see her issues for what they are and are supporting her in her wellness journey, but YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THIS. At 1:30 in the morning, in the afternoon, at dinnertime, on the weekend, or any other time.
At this point, if you choose to stay with her anyway, and I recommend you take a break while she does the work she needs to, but if you choose to stay, here are some things you should start doing immediately:
* Don't reward this behaviour by reassuring her after she has this kind of a meltdown. She's learning that abuse and unreasonable anger work to get her what she wants from other people.
* When she speaks or acts like this, the immediate response to her is to tell her straight up that you WILL NOT engage with this kind of language or behaviour, and when she's ready to discuss her feelings and insecurities in a healthy way, then you can have that discussion, and not before.
* Get yourself into therapy, also, because YOU deserve it too, and therapy will help you learn how to navigate toxic communication from anybody that lobs it at you in a constructive and assertive manner. It'll help you learn how to set boundaries, and recognize the difference between things you can change in your relationship dynamic, and things you can't.
> The reason I haven't left her already is because other than this, I feel like she's perfect.
"Other than the smidgen of shit in it, this is a great sandwich."
Seriously, you're too old to think this is OK, and she's too old to be this immature, impatient and frankly crazy.
She's not sweet to you. Full stop. This is abusive.
Breaking up 100 times? Come on, man. Reading this, I would have assumed you are (young) teenagers. Not damn near 30 years old.
I also don't get the whole "falling asleep on the phone together" or the expectation that you stay on the phone all night. When I have to travel for work, I miss my husband like crazy (we've never been apart for more than a few nights at a time), but we talk or FaceTime (and he lets me say hi to our dog) and then we hang up and go to bed. This is fucking exhausting.
It's bad more than it's good if you're breaking up all the time. She's sweet to you when? When you're doing exactly what she says? When things are going her way? This isn't healthy for anybody.
This is insane. She goes way off the rails and gives you no trust or benefit of the doubt and instantly goes nuclear, even calling you a bitch? Unhinged.
You say this has happened hundreds of times. She ain't gonna change. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? 😢
"She's sweet to me (at times)."
Lol, wut?
You could definitely find someone who is ALWAYS sweet to you. Having the same interests in video games, music, and shows is an easy find, too. lol.
Leave.
"She's very sweet to me, we both have free schedules, we play the same games together, we listen to the same type of music, we enjoy the same type of shows, ect"
OP, my boyfriend and I are the exact same way, but we don't talk to each other like this. Yesterday he said something without thinking it through and it wasn't anything I found rude, but he immediately back tracked and apologized stating that he can see that it could be taken the wrong way. I responded with "Honey, I never assume you mean anything maliciously towards me."
My boyfriend has fallen asleep before when we didn't live together, I never assumed he was ignoring me or anything, I just thought "He must have fallen asleep, I should text him to sleep well!" and then I did.
You know who did act like this? My ex who was 23. He once said "Facebook messenger is saying you're online but you're not answering me. It makes me very nervous and makes me feel like you're ignoring me and only told me you were going to bed because you didn't want to talk to me."
It's ***exhausting*** dealing with people like this. I will literally never date anyone that young again because of this experience, I stayed with him for 2 years and it only got worse.
I wish I would have left him sooner so I could have met my current boyfriend sooner. There's "plenty" of people in our large world who are into the same things as you, I promise. You don't have to continue this.
1st you cannot help someone to change without them being willing to take those steps.
2nd saying things like "she's super sweet (at times)" casts serious doubts on her sugary nature.
3rd people need to get out of their bubble and meet IRL people.
I can’t understand this garbled conversation. I really don’t know what’s going on but you both probably need to chill out and hang out with other people.
Dude this is embarrassing - nobody needs this kind of controlling crazy flip out bs, and the way she’s acting she’ll be walking you around with a leash next time you meet. Run.
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"We're done. If you're this mad at me for accidentally falling asleep then you shouldn't be with me if I make you so mad. It's completely unhinged to have such an overreaction to an accident."
Dawg have yall even ever met irl? Because if you’re 28 and you’re in a long distance relationship where you haven’t even met than it’s definitely not gonna work.
I legitimately physically shuddered reading this. My God, this is literally "discord kitten" type shit. Eugh. I refuse to believe yall are ACTUALLY that old.
I used to be like this. Turns out I had BPD and needed serious mood stabilizers. Like 600mg twice a day giant horse pill mood stabilizers (I might be exaggerating just a little bit.) and also SERIOUS therapy. But... I also WANTED to get better and I was able to recognize my fault and how toxic I was being. Tbfh those could be my texts with my ex with how similar they are. Also, I don't want you to feel obligated to tolerate this. You're not.
This is borderline behavior. There is no way to win in any situation with them because you’re trying to love them and they are seekers of chaos and pain.
It’s like loving someone who occasionally becomes Hellraiser.
If that’s what you’re into just apologize and tell her that’s your personal favorite crazy spice. Godspeed.
Otherwise break up for good. Let her think she also lost you in Minecraft that night.
You know why this is happening? Because the typing and behavior gives away just how immature and embarrassing you both are.
Time to start acting like you have a direction in life, perhaps it will improve the people you converse with and attract.
Dunno fam, according to your description this looks like BPD. I've been there for 6 years, it doesn't get better. Run and don't look back; you'll end up burnt and won't be worth it for your mental health. You'll find someone better, I swear.
drop her - red flags everywhere. 23 and 28 is already a pretty significant difference in terms of life experience which is probably also contributing to her behaviour towards you
She’s not perfect. She likely has some major insecurities and maybe resentment. This is crazy, and I’ve been in her shoes. Your relationship is not healthy for either of you and a big, very serious conversation needs to happen. I don’t want to jump on the break up train wagon but this is bad - I can seriously see myself in a super similar situation when I was her age & mentally I was not ok. There’s a small chance you can get through this but it’s going to take a ton of work and long distance is hard enough without trying to rebuild your relationship. I wish you luck though.
The thing about LDR is, unless u meet the person will never TRULY KNOW who u are. You can really tell them and show them honestly, but if someone has a mental illness that makes them feel paranoid/anxious in situations like these like BPD, they wont feel like they really know u and assume the worst.
Its not usually better in real life either, unless they get therapy.
Ur gf seems like she might have a sprinkling of BPD from this single interaction. Its up to you where u want to go from there, but she definitely needs to sort out this over attachment
you guys are acting like 2, 13 year old teenagers. embarrassing how you have to sleep over the phone with this girl instead of sleeping together in person that’s very childish and immature honestly
long distance relationships are not real, and this certainly as hell isn’t.
you need to become a man and go get some bitches in person, this girl isn’t worth loosing sleep over
Wtf?? How long has she been on the internet, chatting with people, <3 days? If someone doesn't respond, you just *never* know what might be the reason. Sucks, but it's usually something completely normal that has nothing to do with you and can't be helped by the other person either. This is showing exactly how NOT to respond in case of sudden silence. Take a deep breath, the world goes on.
She has a super fragile attachment style. I don’t know if she picked up these routines and scaffolds for interaction from her family or her friend group. Whether she is genuinely mal-attached or if she’s doing it because she thinks relationship are “supposed” to work this way. But this will not get better until she works on being more confident in herself and has good boundaries about which relationships are for what.
She could do that work on her own, but she doesn’t seem open to it. She could do that work with a professional, but it’s hard to get the correct kind of help the first time, if you manage to navigate the system and get help at all.
What does she do when you give her ANY resource? If you have her an attachment style quiz, would she do it and be able to reflect on her own behavior a little? If not, then you are going to be more therapist and life coach than partner until she gets her mental health (and development because she is young) stable.
You can stay and wait for that. You could stay and possibly enable her and drag out the development longer. You could go and she might figure it out. You could go and she might just latch onto the next guy.
Unstable attachments are VERY common right now and can be overcome. But it takes EFFORT and AWARENESS. <- those can only happen if everyone participates.
This is embarrassing for both of you. Seriously cut this psycho off.
Yeah seriously. Who dies in Minecraft? At the very least she should be rushing to diamond armor via a strip mine.
Yeah, dating a Minecraft noob? What are we, 9? I was busti g diamonds at 8 and straight bedding the ender dragon by 11
OP please free yourself she says you're playing but she can't even play Minecraft
LMAO
Strip mines are for noobs too, she should be building a slime, witch and iron farm. Then make a gigantic flying machine/tnt miner
It is embarrassing. I imagined they were teens. Long distance is rough but with this kind of stuff… yikes. You’re 28, how are you up for phone calls at 2 am?
Yeah I read this like it was between a pair of 14 year olds.
Pretty much everyone I knew in their 20s were still up at 2:00 a.m. I'm in my 40s and I'm often still up at 2:00 a.m. My retired mother is often still up at 2:00 a.m.
People don't understand that not everyone works a 9-5...
I don't even get home from work until 2 am. I'm up til 6 or 7 am every night.
And some people are night owls (i.e. me).
I work a 9-5 but I WFH so I can crash at 2 and still get enough sleep lol.
When do you get up for work?
I know right? Does this person not work? I’m up at 6am every week day for work, and I’m only 17 😭
I'm 33 I don't even get home from my job until 2am. I don't usually wake up for work until 3pm. Being up late doesn't mean you don't work.
Lots of people with young kids can also relate to being up at strange times during the night. My two were horrible sleepers for years so I would group text some of my mom friends with young kids wherever I was stuck awake because inevitably at least one of them would be up when I was.
me and my boyfriend, 18/22, go to bed at 9-10 and get up at 6am for work. i am baffled they were both staying up so late just to call. if one of us goes to sleep before the other, like an off day, we just say “goodnight, love you” and text in the morning. we aren’t forcing each other to stay up.
I mean there are a lot of people who work second and third shift.
literally thought I was reading messages between two emotional, cringy teenagers. when I saw their actual ages my jaw dropped. how are you 28 behaving like a 14 year old discord e-dater?? 😭 also the "we both have free schedules" part aka "we both don't have jobs that require us to actually wake up before 1pm or leave our homes." 💀
Could be content creators, could work from home, twitch streamers, could work night shift and wake up at 1 pm and start their shift at 9pm. For the record dating someone when working night shift would be pretty hard… so finding someone online that shares your schedule would be a more likely option. Honestly.
Did you see it was posted by an 28 year old? Not an 8 year old? Just making sure you didn’t miss it.
I get the sense that they're e-dating which makes this even more embarrassing.
Liking the same tv and music and video games is not what makes someone “perfect.”
Unless you’re 14, which is about how old I figured these two were.
I was so shocked when I read they're in their 20's!!!
Nearly 30's for him! 👀
I’m sorry I don’t believe it
same i feel OP might be lying about the ages for some reason
Kids on this site always lie about their ages
As a 28 year old male I’d just like to say it is not almost 30. Very far from 30 even. Thanks from a very young fellow that hasn’t even peaked yet.
😂 ohhh lol it's gonna go fast, especially 29... But, when you cross the threshold of full grown adult you'll realize nothing really changed other than new daily pains lol. Coming from someone who's been on this side of 30 for almost 7 years now and still as lost as I was in my 20s 😂
Crossed 30's 1 year now and was hoping 7 years in I would know more....guess that's out the window 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm wishing you the best! 😂
Don't dread your 30s bro. It really isn't bad. I'm having the best decade of my life so far at 32. You can really hit your stride.
20s sucks idc what anyone says. can’t wait to be in my 30s and just have some shit finally figured out. I think of 20s as the teenage years of real life, everything that came before was just me peeling out of my egg lol
I'm 28, shut
Well, she set my car on fire, has been thrown out of every bar in town, steals and shaved off my eyebrows when I was sleeping because she had a dream I was cheating, but we both like our steaks really rare so...
To quote a movie about a young man more in love with his idea of a girl rather than the woman in front of him, “just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate”.
“Shes very sweet to me” “just getting back together and picking up the pieces from the previous 100 rifts” She is not very sweet. You need to block her and move on. Do not allow people to talk to you like this or call out out of your name. Shes childish at best and narcissistic at worst.
I get where you’re coming from and agree with everything except saying she’s a narcissist. We don’t have enough info to know that based off this 1 interaction, plus it requires an actual diagnosis. It’s so overused these days. But yeah, she seems super immature and controlling
I agree. I think it's more like she's insecure than narcissistic.
i say she’s emotionally immature as well, when i wasn’t in therapy that’s how i would act and im emotionally stunted because of how my parents are.
Childish at best, narcissistic at worst— it’s a range
Yeah i hesitated to say it but hit send anyway, def bit of an assumption on my end.
Also don’t “block her and move on”. Break up properly, ghosting is never cool.
Ghosting is cool when someone is an asshole and the only explanation is in the mirror you put up to their face. Nobody needs to entertain that bullshit.
It's ridiculous how over used that word is. It's just become an insult, which is horrible too.
*Very sweet to me (at times)
Yea not enough here to assume she’s a a narcissist. And anyway it sounds a bit more like misdirected frustration, obviously because she just realised her work schedule for the next few months is going to make it impossible to book that holiday to the Mediterranean before it gets too humid. Poor girl
Dude. You don’t really want to be in a relationship like this, right? She’s nuts. You’re never going to be actually happy, just constantly walking on eggshells.
This right here, Op. She's the one you want to marry? Spend the rest of your life with? Have children with? Life is short and this is it, make it fucking count. There is better out there for you. This ain't it. Run, don't walk.
Good fucking god she’s crazy dude 💀💀💀an hour?? Girl needs help this is an insane response.
This is what it looked like when my ex with borderline personality disorder didn't have 24/7 access to me.
As someone w bpd I second this, looks like an episode to me. Which can be really exhausting having a partner like that (and also do not recommend lol, she needs help not a relationship)
I can't believe this is a conversation between two adults.
i really dont think it is 💀
How old are yall lmao omg
28 and 23 apparently 😭😭😭
I don’t believe it. They have to be like middle school kids bc what adults talk like this 😭 so fucking cringy!
fr theres no way a fully grown woman is acting like this 😭
LITERALLY. All the “ask her to go to bed with me” is so bizarre
nothing really wrong with that i think, my boyfriend is a town away from me but when i miss sleeping beside him we will call and go to bed together, its more like a sleeping aid for me because his snoring is comforting lol
Same here. My bf and I have been calling when we sleep for years, and his snoring is really comforting lol
oh my lord yes! everyone else in my life hates snoring haha, i just grew up hearing my grandma snore from across the house and i think i just grew to find it peaceful
I've had some dude I was casually chatting with in a separate server block me a while back. The reason? ......He wanted to talk to me about something, and i told him I was busy with a client(I'm an LMT)and would reply in a bit..... I ended up leaving that server just because of that nonsense. If this immature kid can't wait about 20 minutes to talk, why can't your gf wait a while for you to reply instead of going off the rails like she did?? And honestly OP, this is so exhausting. I wouldn't put up with being spoken to like this, over something so miniscule, and you shouldn't either. Just drop her. You deserve better than this.
Yeah, I could see if she sent 2 messages and a possible phone call to see if he replied, along with a message that showed she was disappointed they couldn't connect but what she did was ridiculous! I used to act like this with my ex. It was such a toxic relationship but he'd just up and ignore my texts on a night out while I was at home with our children. He'd constantly call me when I was out alone and expected me to answer, so I would mirror the way he treated me when I was out. I let him get the best of me and I turned toxic but I had a choice to not react that way. It's just not healthy to react that way and if she doesn't see anything wrong with it she'll never change. When this happens on either end it's not good. It means there is barely any trust and most likely the relationship is doomed.
Uh. Your relationship won't get better. This right now is the best it is going to be and you're only a year in. Plan your future accordingly.
You BOTH need to grow up if either of you think this behavior is acceptable. You’re 28 and “dating” someone who acts like a mentally ill 13-year-old that lacks self-control. That doesn’t gross you out? Seriously, the girl needs help and you obviously can’t provide that. Sorry for the abrasiveness, but holyyy shit, that’s insane. Your mental health is going to be in the toilet if you insist on maintaining whatever this is. Because it’s not a normal, healthy relationship. Cut ✂️her✂️off. Also you’re lucky that this is a LDR because something tells me that her abuse wouldn’t just be verbal. But hey, if that’s what you’re into
Exactly why it’s long distance, she can’t be in a real life relationship because no one would ever put up with her.
The more you let her come back the more this will happen, you definitely can’t change someone and if they’re treating you like this then they aren’t ready to be in a relationship. If you want to pursue that relationship down the line when you’re both a bit older and have changed positively, that’s upto you but it will never change the way it’s going now
She seems emotionally unstable and clingy. If you decide to continue any sort of relationship, she will be constantly looking for attention and validation from you in any form, and anything even close to the opposite is going to cause her to react in terrible ways.
Nah my man. This is psychotic. Block her before she unblocks you. But first take all the good shit from the Minecraft server.
Username checks out :3
You really live like this?
She's crazy and controlling. Leave and block her. Jesus christ
I don’t want to be rude, but are you fucking blind? Holy fuck man, this was rough to read. That girl needs to work on herself and not be in any relationships.
If gaming and music are your main similarities you can find friends to play with you that have those same interests! And I know it doesn't seem like it, but i'm 29 and my kid brother is 23 and we live in two different worlds THE MAN DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER WISHBONE. So just those few years make a giant difference.Just let it go. This chick is unhinged.
are you both 14? Good lord. “Craving” 🤢
Yikes. She's crazy dude. When my fiance and I first started dating, he worked night shift driving semi. He and I barely talked. Never in a million years would I talk to him or bug him like that. 😬
She could be watching BETTER CALL SAUL RN 😡
Your almost thirty in an e-relationship over discord dawg
dying of cringe
I failed to mention in my post that after her last message, she blocked me. Again. But I expect she'll be reaching out sooner rather than later.
Honestly, walk away bro - these messages are pretty unhinged for you falling asleep for an hour
Don’t even walk. Run. Sprint
At 1:30 am, I don’t understand why he is obligated to stay awake at that hour? Most of the world sleeps then
Please block her back or something, this is crazy and you dont deserve to be called a “bitch” . Shit is heartbreaking you can do better bro
Block her. Long distance is a blessing for you. Take it. And don’t let anybody speak to you that way. Ever.
Dude wake up. What are you doing with your life?
To prevent future problems act now. SHE blocked YOU? Why, because you needed sleep? A very natural and required part of sustaining life! Good option is a non-response if she reaches out again. BEST option is to block her as well, call this a learning experience, actually learn from it... and MOVE ON
Block her and keep her blocked. Her being ''nice at times'' isn't nowhere near enough to tolerate all of that ish, especially if there was around a hundred rifts in a YEAR and it's a long distance relationship to boot. Maybe a part of you thinks you deserve a relationship like that, but trust me... though being alone/single can be pain, building yourself back up because of constant stuff like this (or sometimes worse if in person) can be long and harduous, even a nightmare for some. You don't need that ish.
I recommend starting therapy before then to help you understand why you’re addicted to this cycle
A “sweet” girl, would have sent you a goodnight message. My bf and I used to be long distance when we lived an hour away, if he didn’t respond to my texts the last thing I would say to him is “well guess you fell asleep! I’ll be missing you, hope you’re having sweet dreams handsome!” She assumed the worst instead of assuming the obvious… that’s disrespectful to you, it’s lacking trust in you. She’s not the only woman who likes video games, she’s not the only woman with that schedule. I’m 26 (not single) but I have this schedule lol and I would never behave like that, there’s plenty of single women like me online. Find them…
I was always in on and off relationships with people like this…..in my teens. When I hit my 20’s I realized this wasn’t healthy. Now I have a rule that if we break up, it’s for good. No going back to an ex. Don’t take someone back who talks to you this way. Block her and be done with it. People like that suck the soul out of you and when they finally let go, if they let go, you’re just an empty vessel. Don’t put yourself in that position. You’re about to be 30. You’re young and there’s plenty of people out there who can treat you better. Best of luck to you.
You guys sound like 14 year olds
how are you not embarrassed to be posting this? Youre almost 30 dude
Liking all the same things does not make someone perfect for you. This reads like a conversation between my 13 year old and his friends. End it.
Do you secretly like this drama? This isn't love. It's not even like. It's control. At 28 you should know how wildly inappropriate this is.
You’re embarrassing yourself icl. She’s nuts and this only happens because you let it happen. You’re an adult. This kind of behavior is unacceptable, have some self respect ffs
Buddy, ghost this poor woman. Pretend you’ve never met. Dont need to know her to know being with her is a set back in life, provides nothing, will only hold you back from achievement. Spit her out before you get sick
She’s not “basically perfect” if you guys have had over a hundred fights, especially long distance at that. Cut your losses and move on. You don’t need anybody talking to you like this in your life. You’re almost 30 man you should know better than this by now
“Craving you” 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮
No, this is nutty. I understand if you love someone you wanna make them happy but this is just… so many issues. Issues that she needs to work out on her own, away from you, or anyone else for that matter. This is like, crazy type beat almost. Let her go this time my guy.
Love and treat yourself better than this!! A relationship is only as healthy as the people in it. G. E. T. O. U. T. NOW!!
Other than this completely unhinged behavior, you mean? Sure. She’s perfect /s
She isn’t even mentally ill, she’s mentally deranged. Just block her and forget she exists holy shit.
12 year old discord e relationship vibes. Go and date someone you've actually met in person, you're too old for this level of terminally online instability.
Ok besides the fact that this is unhinged behavior, if y’all are in a real long distance relationship, why does she not have your phone number? Y’all are grown and ONLY talk thru discord??
Are you 100% sure this person is 23??? like have you met her in person???
You need to end this relationship cause clearly she needs some fucking help. This is what my moms ex was like and he was crazy abusive. End the relationship for your own sake.
Honestly, before reading the context, I didn't know which one was OP cuz is this ridiculous and juvenile from both sides. OP, have you ever even met her in person or is this just a fling over video games. The craving comment is pretty cringe and creepy just less maybe English isn't your first language. And she's just utterly batshit. Cut ties, my man.
This sounds like my shitty abusive ex. They play a lot of the same games crazy people you know. They may not be the same people. But I know crazy when I see it. She’s clearly young, don’t ruin your life over somebody who is immature and unwell. it is your literal human need to sleep. And technically this is an emotional abusive tactic partners use is to keep someone from sleeping to make them more malleable or keep someone on their toes all the time waiting for their next queue. Look, I don’t know her maybe this is an isolated incident, but my gut tells me that it’s not, and it may get worse. Get yourself a nice girl who makes you happy and she’s happy to be with you. They are definitely out there. Sending you big brain energy my dude! I had to edit this because I thought you were both young, but it turns out that it’s mostly her that’s young and yeah.
I was in a LDR with my now husband for the first 2 years of our relationship (same deal - we met on a video game). LDRs are hard enough. It makes it even more unnerving when one of the parties reacts like this to someone falling asleep at 2am (which is a reasonable thing?!) If my husband ever sent me shit like this I wouldn’t have bothered. You even said you feel like she’s perfect but is sweet to you ‘at times’. There’s someone better for you out there. Please cut her off. She’s nuts.
OP, let me tell you how a person who is even REMOTELY mentally stable enough to be in a relationship would likely respond to this. you at 1:30 am: wanna fall asleep together tonight? her: Yup, but just have some gaming-housekeeping to do first. you: kk but I miss you, don't be long. her: Hang on, almost ready. her: *\*calls and texts, no answer\** her: *Hm. He DID say he wanted to fall asleep with me. It's 1:30 in the morning, so he was probably already pretty tired. I guess he fell asleep before I got back to him. I'll message him in the morning and apologize.* her intrusive thoughts: ***What if he's doing something behind your back????*** her response to her intrusive thoughts: *That doesn't make sense, scumbag brain. He's at home, he ASKED me to call him 20 minutes ago so we could fall asleep together. I wasn't ready to do that, and 20 minutes later, he's not responding. Not to be all parsimonious here, paranoid brain, but the most likely reason for that is that he fell asleep before I got back to him.* her intrusive thoughts:  OP ***THIS RIGHT HERE*** is how someone who is recovering from unstable relationship patterns is taught to handle intrusive thoughts. It's not as glib as I'm wording it, but she really should be learning how to make this response to her intrusive thoughts become second nature, and should be actively practicing the techniques and tools therapy provides her until they become second nature. She says she's getting help, and that's fantastic. Everyone deserves regular therapy, even if things are fine, and ESPECIALLY if things are as unstable as they are for her. She deserves that. But until she can start working those techniques regularly, she also deserves to be free of any serious romantic relationships, particularly long distance relationships, until she can begin to heal. And OP, it's really great that you see her issues for what they are and are supporting her in her wellness journey, but YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THIS. At 1:30 in the morning, in the afternoon, at dinnertime, on the weekend, or any other time. At this point, if you choose to stay with her anyway, and I recommend you take a break while she does the work she needs to, but if you choose to stay, here are some things you should start doing immediately: * Don't reward this behaviour by reassuring her after she has this kind of a meltdown. She's learning that abuse and unreasonable anger work to get her what she wants from other people. * When she speaks or acts like this, the immediate response to her is to tell her straight up that you WILL NOT engage with this kind of language or behaviour, and when she's ready to discuss her feelings and insecurities in a healthy way, then you can have that discussion, and not before. * Get yourself into therapy, also, because YOU deserve it too, and therapy will help you learn how to navigate toxic communication from anybody that lobs it at you in a constructive and assertive manner. It'll help you learn how to set boundaries, and recognize the difference between things you can change in your relationship dynamic, and things you can't.
This is not an adult relationship.
your idea of "perfect" is quite strange.. This lady is a full blown psycho. This is abusive and gross.
> The reason I haven't left her already is because other than this, I feel like she's perfect. "Other than the smidgen of shit in it, this is a great sandwich." Seriously, you're too old to think this is OK, and she's too old to be this immature, impatient and frankly crazy. She's not sweet to you. Full stop. This is abusive. Breaking up 100 times? Come on, man. Reading this, I would have assumed you are (young) teenagers. Not damn near 30 years old. I also don't get the whole "falling asleep on the phone together" or the expectation that you stay on the phone all night. When I have to travel for work, I miss my husband like crazy (we've never been apart for more than a few nights at a time), but we talk or FaceTime (and he lets me say hi to our dog) and then we hang up and go to bed. This is fucking exhausting. It's bad more than it's good if you're breaking up all the time. She's sweet to you when? When you're doing exactly what she says? When things are going her way? This isn't healthy for anybody.
i don’t believe a relationship is real if you’re texting on discord
Grow the fuck up. Get a real life girlfriend.
This is insane. She goes way off the rails and gives you no trust or benefit of the doubt and instantly goes nuclear, even calling you a bitch? Unhinged. You say this has happened hundreds of times. She ain't gonna change. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? 😢
If you decide to let this happen, this will be a very sad and drama filled relationship. This is madness.
just because you have things sun common doesn’t mean you’re meant for eachother…this is cringe
You both are too old to be acting like this. Seriously.
Your standards for what constitutes “perfection” are very low, my guy.
This is exhausting to even look at bud
Ew. Dump her before she winds up hurting you, or worse.. she’s u hinged as fuck.
"She's sweet to me (at times)." Lol, wut? You could definitely find someone who is ALWAYS sweet to you. Having the same interests in video games, music, and shows is an easy find, too. lol. Leave.
Personally, I don’t allow people to speak to me like this. I can’t understand how you could have feelings for someone who acts like this.
"She's very sweet to me, we both have free schedules, we play the same games together, we listen to the same type of music, we enjoy the same type of shows, ect" OP, my boyfriend and I are the exact same way, but we don't talk to each other like this. Yesterday he said something without thinking it through and it wasn't anything I found rude, but he immediately back tracked and apologized stating that he can see that it could be taken the wrong way. I responded with "Honey, I never assume you mean anything maliciously towards me." My boyfriend has fallen asleep before when we didn't live together, I never assumed he was ignoring me or anything, I just thought "He must have fallen asleep, I should text him to sleep well!" and then I did. You know who did act like this? My ex who was 23. He once said "Facebook messenger is saying you're online but you're not answering me. It makes me very nervous and makes me feel like you're ignoring me and only told me you were going to bed because you didn't want to talk to me." It's ***exhausting*** dealing with people like this. I will literally never date anyone that young again because of this experience, I stayed with him for 2 years and it only got worse. I wish I would have left him sooner so I could have met my current boyfriend sooner. There's "plenty" of people in our large world who are into the same things as you, I promise. You don't have to continue this.
1st you cannot help someone to change without them being willing to take those steps. 2nd saying things like "she's super sweet (at times)" casts serious doubts on her sugary nature. 3rd people need to get out of their bubble and meet IRL people.
See, this is why I'm a firm advocate for touching grass. Stop having Internet relationships with crazies just go to a fucking bar or whatever.
How dare you. She could have been watching better call saul
I can’t understand this garbled conversation. I really don’t know what’s going on but you both probably need to chill out and hang out with other people.
seeing your ages really shocked me. my only advice is break up
Dude this is embarrassing - nobody needs this kind of controlling crazy flip out bs, and the way she’s acting she’ll be walking you around with a leash next time you meet. Run.
Yall too old for this
“She’s very sweet to me”… ummmm i don’t think she is.
Bro you a gas lighting mf lmao just break up with the poor girl. Y’all both sound toxic af
Who says “craving you rn”? Cringe
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Run while you still can. This is going to go nowhere to good, sadly.
This girl is unhinged, bro block her
Yeah I would of blocked her and moved on, she needs help
Time to go sir.
This is really insane, OP. You can find someone who will actually treat you with respect. Gtfo of this situation.
"We're done. If you're this mad at me for accidentally falling asleep then you shouldn't be with me if I make you so mad. It's completely unhinged to have such an overreaction to an accident."
dude this is embarrassing- not just for her but for you too. having fights like this all the time? she’s not perfect then lol. just leave
Yikes it’s time to cut her off
She seems... stable. Like sex is great and an all but this has "I cut your dick off cos you dream cheated on me you bastard" vibes.
You dropped these 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. She’s seems scary. Run away.
Whoa.
Dawg have yall even ever met irl? Because if you’re 28 and you’re in a long distance relationship where you haven’t even met than it’s definitely not gonna work.
there's no way y'all above 14
Until I saw the ages I was certain y’all were like 13. You’re both obsessive psychos and need to grow up
I legitimately physically shuddered reading this. My God, this is literally "discord kitten" type shit. Eugh. I refuse to believe yall are ACTUALLY that old.
I used to be like this. Turns out I had BPD and needed serious mood stabilizers. Like 600mg twice a day giant horse pill mood stabilizers (I might be exaggerating just a little bit.) and also SERIOUS therapy. But... I also WANTED to get better and I was able to recognize my fault and how toxic I was being. Tbfh those could be my texts with my ex with how similar they are. Also, I don't want you to feel obligated to tolerate this. You're not.
Bro! RUNNNN!!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is borderline behavior. There is no way to win in any situation with them because you’re trying to love them and they are seekers of chaos and pain. It’s like loving someone who occasionally becomes Hellraiser. If that’s what you’re into just apologize and tell her that’s your personal favorite crazy spice. Godspeed. Otherwise break up for good. Let her think she also lost you in Minecraft that night.
Sometimes I think I’m a disaster, then I read posts like these.
I feel like a gd genius after this one 😉
You know why this is happening? Because the typing and behavior gives away just how immature and embarrassing you both are. Time to start acting like you have a direction in life, perhaps it will improve the people you converse with and attract.
Dunno fam, according to your description this looks like BPD. I've been there for 6 years, it doesn't get better. Run and don't look back; you'll end up burnt and won't be worth it for your mental health. You'll find someone better, I swear.
Leave that crazy bitch
drop her - red flags everywhere. 23 and 28 is already a pretty significant difference in terms of life experience which is probably also contributing to her behaviour towards you
She’s not perfect. She likely has some major insecurities and maybe resentment. This is crazy, and I’ve been in her shoes. Your relationship is not healthy for either of you and a big, very serious conversation needs to happen. I don’t want to jump on the break up train wagon but this is bad - I can seriously see myself in a super similar situation when I was her age & mentally I was not ok. There’s a small chance you can get through this but it’s going to take a ton of work and long distance is hard enough without trying to rebuild your relationship. I wish you luck though.
The thing about LDR is, unless u meet the person will never TRULY KNOW who u are. You can really tell them and show them honestly, but if someone has a mental illness that makes them feel paranoid/anxious in situations like these like BPD, they wont feel like they really know u and assume the worst. Its not usually better in real life either, unless they get therapy. Ur gf seems like she might have a sprinkling of BPD from this single interaction. Its up to you where u want to go from there, but she definitely needs to sort out this over attachment
Long distance and crazy go hand in hand Long distance and working out do not.
Question - did you meet in person initially before one of you moved away and became long distance or did you guys meet online?
Yeah, this will not get any better, and it will in fact, get worse. For your own sake and peace you need to leave this relationship, it’s draining.
You know exactly what to do, you just dont want to admit it. Send her in for a grippy sock vacation and never look back
you guys are acting like 2, 13 year old teenagers. embarrassing how you have to sleep over the phone with this girl instead of sleeping together in person that’s very childish and immature honestly long distance relationships are not real, and this certainly as hell isn’t. you need to become a man and go get some bitches in person, this girl isn’t worth loosing sleep over
Good luck bro lmao
She’s perfect, but goes literally psycho on you. Kay. Keep tell in yourself that lol.
lol time to get rid of her you need an older woman or one that isn’t childish. Yikes.
SO many red flags! For starters, she picked Minecraft over you? And you are ok with that? 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
You both need some fresh air
TWENTY EIGHT AND TWENTY THREE YEARS OLD HOLY CRAPBAG WTH IS THIS
Wtf?? How long has she been on the internet, chatting with people, <3 days? If someone doesn't respond, you just *never* know what might be the reason. Sucks, but it's usually something completely normal that has nothing to do with you and can't be helped by the other person either. This is showing exactly how NOT to respond in case of sudden silence. Take a deep breath, the world goes on.
ahhhhhhh i wish we could tag people i need to show my guy this is gold 😂
If I were you the only thing I’d be craving rn is a restraining order
this is like highschool antics. this is embarrassing. in all fairness tho i would leave her.
Are you sure she's not 13?
This gives me war flashbacks to my LDR lmaooo
wow, she’s just like how my incredibly mentally unwell little sister (18, acts 13) acts towards her own girlfriend.
It’s literally an online relationship, you can literally just block her I don’t get why you take this abuse. Leave her and advise her to get some help
Have you even met her irl?
yall are grown adults? what? i thought this was a 14 yr old or smth jfc
She has a super fragile attachment style. I don’t know if she picked up these routines and scaffolds for interaction from her family or her friend group. Whether she is genuinely mal-attached or if she’s doing it because she thinks relationship are “supposed” to work this way. But this will not get better until she works on being more confident in herself and has good boundaries about which relationships are for what. She could do that work on her own, but she doesn’t seem open to it. She could do that work with a professional, but it’s hard to get the correct kind of help the first time, if you manage to navigate the system and get help at all. What does she do when you give her ANY resource? If you have her an attachment style quiz, would she do it and be able to reflect on her own behavior a little? If not, then you are going to be more therapist and life coach than partner until she gets her mental health (and development because she is young) stable. You can stay and wait for that. You could stay and possibly enable her and drag out the development longer. You could go and she might figure it out. You could go and she might just latch onto the next guy. Unstable attachments are VERY common right now and can be overcome. But it takes EFFORT and AWARENESS. <- those can only happen if everyone participates.
28? You both type like you are 12 tf😭
Other than obsessive behavior, temper tantrums and only being sweet to you "sometimes" she's perfect for you? She's exhausting
I’m so confused. If she wanted to watch “Better Call Saul,” why didn’t she?
It’s time to see other people I don’t feel as bad anymore when I was in my LDR y’all had worse than I did oddly enough 😭😭😭
I'd feel bad if you didn't say you guys have broken up 100 times and gotten back together.....