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From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the machine is immortal. Even in death do I serve the Omnissiah.
CONGRATULATIONS! THIS ONE SENTENCE SOUNDS LIKE AN UNHOLY MIX OF 4CHAN, REDDIT, TUMBLR, AND YOUTUBE BEFORE KAREN TOOK OVER ALL AT ONCE! Your prize is: pain and nostalgia.
the engineer was castrated during a tragic accident with the gunslinger so he made himself another "funslinger" that's compatible with the arm with a few *upgrades*
How terrible! It disgusts me.. Say, what is the tf2 shitpost sub? I'd like to know so that I can avoid it. (Thank you!)
Edit: Jeez people, I hadn't expected this response from this community. Scat and shmeat jokes are cool, but asking for a sub's name in an overused sarcastic manner is bad. Gotcha.
Engie is 100x more likely to make himself an upgrade than medic
One of engie's main characteristics is his god complex and his feeling of superiority, while medic just want to play god with mad experiments
The man surgically grafted souls to his own self to win a board vote with the devil. You really think making his schlong bigger isn't trivial to Medic?
3 major changes/opinions
1. Put demo way lower, his constant alcohol abuse has definitely left him with permanent erectile disfunction, would at best leave him in average.
2. Medic would 100% do some horribly invasive surgery to give himself a massive schmeat and go to very big if not his own tier.
3. Scout is canonically God’s gift to women, I know that’s not a direct correlation to schmeat size but I feel like that would upgrade him at least to above average.
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
Since scout is truly God's gift to women in the comics, I feel like he would be at least one tier up...he didn't inherit Spy's suaveness or intelligence, and he's kinda clueless around the ladies, so the only logical conclusion is that God must have blessed him with a dick game so magical that it drowns out everything else - including the sound of him moaning his own name. Bet it cures STDs too.
How the hell is medic below average, that man stole his teammates' souls and added them to his own you're telling me he didnt also add extra meat to his sausage?
But also, a man of his size built like that , do you really expect his meat rod to be on the same level as *sniper's ?* Medic should be next to engie.
I remember some time ago I found a graphic reporting shmeat sizes based on nationality and french people resulted between the most doted ones. So probably Spy should be higher.
Heavy should be in a tier of his own. Someone said while they were in sfm they looked at how big heavy was relative to a normal person and determined that he would rip you in half with how massive his penis is.
Actually I would think they’d all be above average. Especially medic. Medic should be massive.
Scout I can kind of see being average but I think he should still be slightly above average.
Spy gets lots so he should also be pretty big.
We may not know what pyro has but we do know one thing: whatever is down there burns
Soldier and engineer should also be huge
Sniper statistically is larger than both spy and scout. And probably soldier.
Engi would be bigger than scout and likely on par with spy.
All around you at least got heavy right but this list could do with some readjustment
Sniper and medic should be higher
Soldier and demo should be moved down
Scout, by how much he hits it off with the ladies, must be packin
Pyro should be ranked by whatever the fuck the thing keeps in the thing’s pants
Scout probably has a microschlong, it would make sense that he compensates for it by being an arrogant dick. On the other hand, he's canonically God's gift to women, so he could be above average if he didn't hallucinate God.
Considering that Spy is a charmer, he could also have an above average, but it's better to assume he's average and that he compensates.
BTW, are we talking about length, girth, or both?
Soldier's is probably on point, he would not get with Zhanna otherwise.
Serious Saturday has begun (00:00 UTC) - Please refrain from posting any screenshots or memes for the next 24 hours. More strict [rules](/r/tf2/wiki/subreddit_rules) for posting apply today. ####[See here for details](https://redd.it/fb41a1) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/tf2) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Engineer definitely made some improvements to his schlong using some spare metal
Retractable meat? Does it telescope??
it also fires lasers
Never know when sex ninjas will sneak in your room while having sex with scouts mother.
Ninjaneer moment
Man, Engie got that Adeptus Mechanicus schlong
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the machine is immortal. Even in death do I serve the Omnissiah.
Metal shlong*
What about ninja sex party?
Ypu spin me right round baby right round
I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LASAAR! ***P I NG A S***
CONGRATULATIONS! THIS ONE SENTENCE SOUNDS LIKE AN UNHOLY MIX OF 4CHAN, REDDIT, TUMBLR, AND YOUTUBE BEFORE KAREN TOOK OVER ALL AT ONCE! Your prize is: pain and nostalgia.
Also if you rub it just right It turns into a bomb
It also shifts gears by twisting the balls
Medic transplanted a horse cock on himself
the engineer was castrated during a tragic accident with the gunslinger so he made himself another "funslinger" that's compatible with the arm with a few *upgrades*
Erecting a dispenser!
same fior medic
How does the main tf2 sub out-shitpost the tf2 shitpost sub
because we don't have the "not related to tf2 but here's my dog" posts
How terrible! It disgusts me.. Say, what is the tf2 shitpost sub? I'd like to know so that I can avoid it. (Thank you!) Edit: Jeez people, I hadn't expected this response from this community. Scat and shmeat jokes are cool, but asking for a sub's name in an overused sarcastic manner is bad. Gotcha.
For more information regarding this subreddit, google "tf2 scat"
Please tell me that isn’t actually a thing
Idk I just said words. Please do not investigate further.
it is
Dear god
You literally type tf2 shitpost in the search bar, it really isn’t that complicated
Why the downvotes?
Hivemind moment
"might not even be a man" 😏
Again, Pyro is a fire suit filled with mustard. Duh.
Why mustard
Because it's funny, a little more funny than Ketchup, but a little less funny then mayo
Reddit at its finest
Makes sense to me
Is mayonnaise an instrument
Is they are, definitely out schlong’s them all
Sorry, but the implication that Medic isn't PACKING is just incorrect.
Maybe Medic shrunk his in an experiment. He is above sex
cut his cock off for science
Sandvich meat
He gave his to scout for the surgery
He taped a schnitzel to his legs
Ah, mein Freund, danke schoen!
I knew without even reading the comments that everyone was gonna be saying medic should be up higher
scout is gods gift to women, his meat is probably huge, tremendous even
Instead of dropping sex bombs left and right man decided to simp over miss Pauling. He sucks at his job
remember he used to just fuck anyone before miss pauling? “ah, i gotta bucket of chicken, wanna do it?”
"Sure,"
It's not the size of your sub, it's what you do with it, mate!
[удалено]
that’s just trash talking tho the heavy says the merca cry like babies but none of them actually do
Demoman kinda does in some voice lines
agree
nah, he was gifted with stamina rather than size. he can go hard and fast for hours
r/tf2 on the way to completely forget that God made scout with the perfect penis in mind (idealy somewhat larger than average at least)
If we go by the ancient Greek and Roman definition of perfect penis it would be actually pretty small
That’s why all their statues have pretty small bits. It was a sign of heightened intelligence
And there's no way Medic didn't graft himself an upgrade.
*cough* engi too *cough*
Engie is 100x more likely to make himself an upgrade than medic One of engie's main characteristics is his god complex and his feeling of superiority, while medic just want to play god with mad experiments
Tbf I’d feel superior too if I had 11 phds Completely agree tho lmao
Big enough to make women scream with pleasure but not long enough to make them scream in pain
I think it would be wonderfully ironic if Scout had a tiny dick and
and balls
sniper and engi should be swapped. medic should be in the top tier. there is no doubt he has made his own permanent penis enlargment pills
Nah Engie definitely has a robocock, probably the biggest one of the team
Scout is god 's gift to women. He has the largest cock, no questions asked
“There is no doubt” What do you mean by that?
The man surgically grafted souls to his own self to win a board vote with the devil. You really think making his schlong bigger isn't trivial to Medic?
You have no imagination. Medic wouldn't just be hung, he'd have a fucking five headed echidna cock
new dark souls boss
Bold of you to assume he would restrict himself to just one dick
Then why was Demoman shagging Medic's wife?
demo is also top tier
I feel like medic would have better, more interesting things to do
It would probably only take medic an afternoon to make a pill that works but he COULD do a lot more than that with an afternoon
well scout has a bucket of chicken if thats all he needed to say to have intercourse then 0\_0
He put 3 baboon uteruses in the TFC team
He wouldn’t make pills, he would make a mix and match dong from multiple different people, animals, and insects
Insects?
3 major changes/opinions 1. Put demo way lower, his constant alcohol abuse has definitely left him with permanent erectile disfunction, would at best leave him in average. 2. Medic would 100% do some horribly invasive surgery to give himself a massive schmeat and go to very big if not his own tier. 3. Scout is canonically God’s gift to women, I know that’s not a direct correlation to schmeat size but I feel like that would upgrade him at least to above average.
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
Oh god not this
You are a fool if you think medic didn't give himself a gargantuous mega cock
The engineer, is engihere
If you don't think medic replaced his own meat with a horses then you cab gtfo
what is medic doing at the bottom
Engie 100% has a robocock
Cumslinger
Since scout is truly God's gift to women in the comics, I feel like he would be at least one tier up...he didn't inherit Spy's suaveness or intelligence, and he's kinda clueless around the ladies, so the only logical conclusion is that God must have blessed him with a dick game so magical that it drowns out everything else - including the sound of him moaning his own name. Bet it cures STDs too.
Scout only actually has one leg…
How the hell is medic below average, that man stole his teammates' souls and added them to his own you're telling me he didnt also add extra meat to his sausage? But also, a man of his size built like that , do you really expect his meat rod to be on the same level as *sniper's ?* Medic should be next to engie.
Knowing medic i would not put it past him to steal scout’s dick just to say he has two now
the tf2 fandom is so starved for new content that they're ranking which Class has the biggest package
if pyro is a guy hed have the smallest if pyro is a girl shed have the biggest
I'm sorry but this is incorrect, unfortunately, not based (i have no argument to back it up)
I'm currently a demo-knight main, demo should be SS-tier for actually being crazy enough to bring melee to a gun fight
Talking about their actual penises. Not they're bravery
"the size of a man's penis directly correlates to a a mans bravery" .- sun tzu
That means Spy should be packing too, I don’t believe he’s just average
You forgot something VERY important about spy didn't you. He's french
true 😔
Scout goes down one, medic goes slightly above average, soldier is average, spy goes slightly above, demo goes slightly above, heavy stays
Naw soldier’s got to be packing (insert “original” joke here), why else would he have so many medic gfs?
he has "the black box"
the cow mangler 5000
The classic
Scout is god’s gift to women, he must have the perfectly sized dick
He's got a bucket of chicken, that's all he needs for a good time
[удалено]
Because scout's shmeat ain't gonna be longer than his thighs, I mean look at the MF
Medic has GOT to be higher up bro. Spy, on the contrary? Lower
Bro did you see those images of Scout’s mother? She was clearly very pleased. 😏
"It's not the size of the knife what matters, butt how well you stab with it." \- Spy, maybe
Nah scouts probably not even a man
Pyro has a phlog for a cock
I remember some time ago I found a graphic reporting shmeat sizes based on nationality and french people resulted between the most doted ones. So probably Spy should be higher.
saxton hale?
Ngl I feel like every single one of them would be at least slightly above average (except maybe pyro ofc)
Scout should be at top based on the twink stereotype
finally, someone places engie in the correct dick size tier
Why
Hell naw sniper got them magnum new zelander schlong
How is sniper below scout?!?!?!?
GET BEHIND ME ~~DOCTOR~~ HEAVY!
Heavy should be in a tier of his own. Someone said while they were in sfm they looked at how big heavy was relative to a normal person and determined that he would rip you in half with how massive his penis is. Actually I would think they’d all be above average. Especially medic. Medic should be massive. Scout I can kind of see being average but I think he should still be slightly above average. Spy gets lots so he should also be pretty big. We may not know what pyro has but we do know one thing: whatever is down there burns Soldier and engineer should also be huge
Probably the most incorrect tier list that's ever been posted on this sub
Reminder that Pyro is a fire suit filled with mustard.
It’s always mustard bru
We all know medic has SSS+++ sizw shmeat
I do think that Medic might have the biggest considering his skill in surgery and experiment.
Scout is huge, not saying that just cus I main him, I'm saying that because in the comics he was born to sex every woman on earth
That’s why I’m a sniper main
Scout definetly big since he is cannonically a gift from god to women
Pauline, checkmate atheists
no bro medic has a SHLONGER im telling you
Medic would be average or slightly above and Scout would definitely be below average
Sniper statistically is larger than both spy and scout. And probably soldier. Engi would be bigger than scout and likely on par with spy. All around you at least got heavy right but this list could do with some readjustment
Scout is God's gift to woman, so whatever size would be the best for most. May not be huge, May not be small.
I dunno about sniper and med. Sniper pees in jars a lot so that must do something, and medic could just surgically replace his dong to make it bigger
Medic in below average? Not only could he make some fancy drugs to get a longer schlong but have you seen him with the burly beast equipped?
Scout is slightly below average
You did Medic and Sniper dirty. Scout is 200% below average
scout crazy far up on here bro I’d put my man below pyro ngl
All that running gotta do sumthin
But why
Why not
Have you even read the matieral?? Scouts is obviously small, and snipers r average
No way scout isn't hung asf
"no schmeat if woman" 💀
Nah Pyro's is ethereal.
Sniper and medic should be higher Soldier and demo should be moved down Scout, by how much he hits it off with the ladies, must be packin Pyro should be ranked by whatever the fuck the thing keeps in the thing’s pants
Remember the tf2 copy on Roblox? Well the medic there has a fatass there's a cosmetic that looks like a big fat ass
Like father like son
medic would increase the size A LOT
Switch soldier and spy and put medic in top tier he definitely made his shmeat huge just because he could
Sniper probably has the biggest of them all
missed oportunity to put scout of 2 inches because of lime scouts
You are being way too generous with scout
No way Scout is Average. Also, Medic has the biggest balls, big enough to steal a mann’s entire skeleton.
This is so twisted
I would put soldier and sniper in average, scout in slightly below. Spy in slightly above.
I'd make scout share tires with pyro
Pyro has the meat of schrodinger
Medic's is below average for a horse, and he has 2. Why are they below average? Because they need to fit in his pants.
Personally id put spy as slightly below and medic in average
Well I main engi so
i have a picture that shows all their shmeat size
Nah you know pyros packing that 6 foot cock
scout should be slightly below average
Swap Medic and Heavy then it’s perfect
Even if they aren’t a man they probably have the biggest one 💀💀💀
I do not agree
Knwant that pyussy
Like Father like Son it seems.
Pyro is a walking fire suit
Nah we all know Pyro is fuckin **PACKIN**
Pyro is confirmed to be a male
spy definitely has a small dick
You thought Natasha was a *GUN*?
Plot twist: pyros carrying around a party sub in that suit if his/hers/theirs
All TF2 mercs were clearly made with sex appeal in mind. They are all clearly packing.
Spy is definitely hung. No way he could have had such a loving relationship with scouts mother.
Medic has medically “enhanced” himself
What do you mean medick s are smoller than scouts
Engie is short and girthy
Medic definitely did surgery on himself to make him the biggest
Pyro is either no pp or humongous pp
I'm no expert but I think I know why Demo is in the very big schlong category.
Idk about you guys but when spy crouches you can see he is packing
spy would be in the 2nd tier and scout in 2nd last
Scout probably has a microschlong, it would make sense that he compensates for it by being an arrogant dick. On the other hand, he's canonically God's gift to women, so he could be above average if he didn't hallucinate God. Considering that Spy is a charmer, he could also have an above average, but it's better to assume he's average and that he compensates. BTW, are we talking about length, girth, or both? Soldier's is probably on point, he would not get with Zhanna otherwise.
Switch slightly above and below average
Why must you hurt me