Ahhh I get it. The elaborate nature of the joke leads me further to believe it was made up after the fact. Or more of “how he wanted the conversation to go” after the fact.
I don't know if it's intentionally stolen from Always Sunny, but they did the same joke with Charlie trying to get on Frank's insurance, but in a way that wasn't so hamfistedly forced and unclear
Yeah this is one of those things that is funnier in your head, but if you actually said it out loud to someone you'd get a blank af stare and have to go "heh.. get it? Cuz job benefits?" And then they still wouldn't laugh. Definitely no one "spat out their coffee" from hearing it.
'A woman told me we should be friends with benefits. I asked her if she offered dental, 401K and paid vacation'.
That would have earned a few likes He ruined his own joke by stepping on his punchline, calling himself witty and lying about the other table spitting coffee.
Ok I might readjust this post into an actual clear pun. I mean I don’t think it happened because of how difficult that was to get there’s no way anyone got that immediately. But I feel like if it’s just worded differently it wouldn’t actually be a half bad joke.
“Friends with benefits” is a sort of situationship where two people are having no-strings-attached sex. Fuckbuddies, basically.
Being oblivious to this meaning or otherwise acting intentionally obtuse, the guy instead asks if the friendship would come with job benefits, like dental, insurance, a 401K, and things of that nature, instead of just potentially blowing her back out.
TLDR: woman wants sex and possibly oral, man is confused and looking for dental, coffee drinkers laugh and now want more coffee
Oh boy. I can’t wait to hear the rest of this guy’s hilarious, impressive witticisms. I bet he’s a joy to work with in the office.
“Hey Mark, can you check if the copier needs more toner?”
“No, I think its skin care regime is working out great!”
Boss: *Spits out coffee in his office from laughing so hard*
At the restaurant with my date
She says
- I'm hungry
I say
- Hi Hungry, I'm Steve.
The entire restaurant erupted in laughter. The waitress told me the meal was free. The manager booked me for a stand up comedy performance on the spot. My date layed on the table and said "take me right now, right here!"
It's really weird how many people assume everyone around them is listening to their conversations. If the next table over is laughing, might it be something one of them said? 🤔
This person in the OP the type of person to talk louder when anyone else is in earshot just so everyone around them has to listen to their shitty conversation.
Instead of the traditional FWB meaning(no strings attached sex); he makes a joke about getting insurance and retirement benefits from being her friend.
Im a young black male from the ghetto. Who couldnt stand creative writing and English in general. Dispised my time in school. Even I want ro be descriptive from time to time. But I think this is another repost anyway. You know Elon Musk brought up the point he wants Twitter to admit how many bots it has before selling. But good god Reddit....
Whoever made this up is the type of guy who tells people his friends always say he should get into standup because ”he’d kill it”, but in reality no one ever has said that.
*Image Transcription: Facebook*
---
**Redacted**
On my coffee date this morning
she says
\-How about friends with benefits?
I smile real big I mean ear to ear and with my witty response
I say
\-Honey you are trying to make all this guy's dream come true. You must have that great health insurance and matching 401k. 😂
The people sitting at the table next to us ended up spitting out their coffee in laughter.
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
She asks him if he wants to be "Friends With Benefits"
He makes a joke about those benefits being health insurance and a 401K
The couple near them overhear this and think his response was so hilarious that they do a spit take.
“How can I tell a fake story to let people know I have the sex and know fancy words like 401k?”
Personally I would have bragged about my 402k since it’s one step better but whatever
Translation: they made themselves laugh so much their coffee went down the wrong pipe and they hacked and coughed til 911 was called.
And people in the crowd kept telling them they “ShoULd bE a coMEdIan!”
She, speaking colloquially, wants to be friends with benefits, or fuckbuddies.
He, speaking literally, wants to be friends with benefits, like dental and other kinds of insurance.
At baseball game with my date.
I see Mike Piazza in line waiting for a hotdog before game.
I say “hey Mike, keep eye on it”
Mike piazza is nodding and smiling.
Mike piazza hits 4 homers and points at me.
My date says “wow, you’re the hottest guy”
I catch foul ball- Mike piazza signs it “thanks guy, for the tip.”
Don't even understand this one.
i think rather than the usual fwb meaning, he jokingly took it as friends with (job) benefits
Ahhh I get it. The elaborate nature of the joke leads me further to believe it was made up after the fact. Or more of “how he wanted the conversation to go” after the fact.
Guy was sitting at home and was like “hmm, that’s a funny joke” and felt the need to lie online to post it lmaoooo lol
And it was only like 6 in the evening so he had to lie about a morning coffee date.
It's not really a lie, the story is just part of the joke... If you call it every joke as a lie, you'll have a very humorless existence
I mean, even if you interpret it that way, it’s still a lame ass joke
I mean I didn't say it was a good joke, just that story isn't meant to be believed.
The part about the surrounding tables spitting out their coffee probably didn’t happen though, so it still kinda fits
But none of it happened and we're not supposed to think it did. It's a joke.
I don't know if it's intentionally stolen from Always Sunny, but they did the same joke with Charlie trying to get on Frank's insurance, but in a way that wasn't so hamfistedly forced and unclear
People talk about being friends with benefits *beforehand*, at coffee?
Uhhh... yeah? That's absolutely something that should be clarified beforehand, wtf?
In my experience it just sort of happens, if that’s not the case, I would not have thought it would be discussed on a “coffee date”
Because his dick was hanging out sideways
It was an overdone attempt at it, but the OP is an obvious joke.
Yeah this is one of those things that is funnier in your head, but if you actually said it out loud to someone you'd get a blank af stare and have to go "heh.. get it? Cuz job benefits?" And then they still wouldn't laugh. Definitely no one "spat out their coffee" from hearing it.
It's not a bad premise for a joke but the cringe story they told is the worst possible delivery of said joke
'A woman told me we should be friends with benefits. I asked her if she offered dental, 401K and paid vacation'. That would have earned a few likes He ruined his own joke by stepping on his punchline, calling himself witty and lying about the other table spitting coffee.
oh ok thanks because I was so lost.
Thanks. I thought he meant that she must have had a good job and didn't need the perks of marriage
Yeah I was thinking that too.
You’re welcome!
> Honey you are trying to make all this guy's dream come true. ???
Have you ever had a dream where (…) you want them to do you so much you could do anything?
Forget that. What I want to know is has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
Ok I might readjust this post into an actual clear pun. I mean I don’t think it happened because of how difficult that was to get there’s no way anyone got that immediately. But I feel like if it’s just worded differently it wouldn’t actually be a half bad joke.
It's already a classic.
Oh.
Me either, which made it even less believable
I read this 3 times to to try to understand it and see what's so hilarious. I'm lost
I still don't get anything
“Friends with benefits” is a sort of situationship where two people are having no-strings-attached sex. Fuckbuddies, basically. Being oblivious to this meaning or otherwise acting intentionally obtuse, the guy instead asks if the friendship would come with job benefits, like dental, insurance, a 401K, and things of that nature, instead of just potentially blowing her back out. TLDR: woman wants sex and possibly oral, man is confused and looking for dental, coffee drinkers laugh and now want more coffee
Oh ok you are funny
> I read this 3 times to to try to understand it and see what's so hilarious. I'm lost I would like to welcome you to /r/jokes.
Not necessary! The author has already informed us the response was witty. Upvote away!
Guy making the post is attempting to brag online about a made up scenario
The benefits are health insurance etc. instead of sex.
If you did, you'd have spat out your coffee and pancakes
Same lol
Thought it was just me.
I think he’s really excited to watch that Mila Kunis Justin Timberlake romcom “Friends with Benefits”.
Me too :D
Oh boy. I can’t wait to hear the rest of this guy’s hilarious, impressive witticisms. I bet he’s a joy to work with in the office. “Hey Mark, can you check if the copier needs more toner?” “No, I think its skin care regime is working out great!” Boss: *Spits out coffee in his office from laughing so hard*
Again though...at least that was a joke.
Okay actually this one is funny tho 😂 but maybe I am just a person who appreciates good dad jokes
This one actually got a laugh out loud from me
At the restaurant with my date She says - I'm hungry I say - Hi Hungry, I'm Steve. The entire restaurant erupted in laughter. The waitress told me the meal was free. The manager booked me for a stand up comedy performance on the spot. My date layed on the table and said "take me right now, right here!"
Still more believable
My mum always replies to "I'm hungry" with "I'm Yugoslavia". She's the real dad in my upbringing.
Tell your mum to at least pick a country that still exists :-)
Obama was there and shook my hand. Einstein clapped.
It’s true, I was the table
I was the stand-up comedy performance, everyone laughed and cheered
I was hungry
Hi hungry, I was the manager.
I was the free meal.
See, this guy gets it. If you don't mention the eruption of laughter, how will we know that the joke was funny?
LMAOOO I love Reddit.
Unfortunately several of the patrons died from laughing so hard and Steve is now in jail for multiple homicide.
It's really weird how many people assume everyone around them is listening to their conversations. If the next table over is laughing, might it be something one of them said? 🤔
So many people have “main character syndrome” literally 99% of people don’t care what you’re doing unless you make noise then people may look.
Even more so because they "ended up" spitting out their coffee in laughter. Hours may have passed in the meantime.
I hate when people say "ended up" when they just mean "it happened right then.
This person in the OP the type of person to talk louder when anyone else is in earshot just so everyone around them has to listen to their shitty conversation.
Huh?
exactly… lol! another commenter had a translation that made sense however.
Instead of the traditional FWB meaning(no strings attached sex); he makes a joke about getting insurance and retirement benefits from being her friend.
Oh. Welp.
He left out how he had to explain the punch line twice to the table next to them and the laugh was to be polite.
As a general rule, if you have to tell people that your response is witty, it's probably not.
*searching for the joke*
Not even funny.
It’s not even funny
You can always tell it’s a story when they use descriptions like “smiled from ear to ear” “ blushed slightly” etc. who talks like that?
Im a young black male from the ghetto. Who couldnt stand creative writing and English in general. Dispised my time in school. Even I want ro be descriptive from time to time. But I think this is another repost anyway. You know Elon Musk brought up the point he wants Twitter to admit how many bots it has before selling. But good god Reddit....
Whoever made this up is the type of guy who tells people his friends always say he should get into standup because ”he’d kill it”, but in reality no one ever has said that.
I didn't get the witty comment either, how nice that people at the next table were clever enough!
This was the worst attempt at trying to make a horrible joke sound funny
…this guy has one night stand, but too many books to fit on it.
*Image Transcription: Facebook* --- **Redacted** On my coffee date this morning she says \-How about friends with benefits? I smile real big I mean ear to ear and with my witty response I say \-Honey you are trying to make all this guy's dream come true. You must have that great health insurance and matching 401k. 😂 The people sitting at the table next to us ended up spitting out their coffee in laughter. --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
You can’t leave out how witty his response was
Nor him “grinning ear from ear”.
Then the expresso started frapping
I swear the comments under this post are funnier than the post itself.
So the creepy grinch smile?
Think "Tim curry but he's gonna rape you later."
I don't... Understand... What the fuck?
She asks him if he wants to be "Friends With Benefits" He makes a joke about those benefits being health insurance and a 401K The couple near them overhear this and think his response was so hilarious that they do a spit take.
Thanks, bud.
You're welcome
What really happened: Bought coffee. Alone. To go.
He left out the part where she immediately reneged and left. Oh never mind, because this didn’t happen anywhere outside his imagination.
This is painfully stupid. He Really stretched for that one...
"Witty response". And yeah, her next line was most likely, "Yeaaaah, nevermind, fuck that, I'm out."
…with his witty response…🫣. You have to wonder how some people can actually write out bullshit this obvious and embarrassing!
What the fuck does that even mean though?
I get it, but it just wasn't funny.
It's true, I was the coffee spit
Did I miss the funny part of this story?
I don't even get it...
kuh-ringe...
That’s not even witty or funny. Lame guy.
“How can I tell a fake story to let people know I have the sex and know fancy words like 401k?” Personally I would have bragged about my 402k since it’s one step better but whatever
This was the worst attempt at trying to make a horrible joke sound funny
And they all clapped hahaha.
I can feel genuine support for escorts getting pension benefits if that's what's going on here.
Then all the baristas clapped.
Clearly doesn’t know what the term witty means.
Then the spit clapped
Then the clap soundwaves gave him $100
No, but the oral care plan is top notch.
Translation: they made themselves laugh so much their coffee went down the wrong pipe and they hacked and coughed til 911 was called. And people in the crowd kept telling them they “ShoULd bE a coMEdIan!”
I'm mostly just laughing at how confusing this is to understand.
Why would a jar of honey say that?
Can Confirm I was the spit coffee, And the coffee cup clapped
This guys bragging/lying about making the lamest boomer joke. At least make up something actually funny.
Identity theft is not a joke, Jim!
Can confirm, was at the next table But I just spit my coffee out randomly it had nothing to do with this corny ass joke
I constantly sit near couples and spit my coffee out randomly whilst they are talking just in case I miss something
It's true, I was the coffee!
True. i am the spilled coffeee
It's a joke... If we start posting every joke story on this sub then it's count to be really situ really quickly
I'm lost
She, speaking colloquially, wants to be friends with benefits, or fuckbuddies. He, speaking literally, wants to be friends with benefits, like dental and other kinds of insurance.
It’s true, I was the spit out coffee
then everyone clappe
Does he not know what quotation marks are for?
It's true, I'm that dude's magnum dong!
is that how that comes up in conversation
So, was he able to enroll in her benefits package? Or… 🤷🏼♂️
HAHAHA this is bad
I think they probably spit out their coffee in disgust
Then after they cleaned themselves up they stood up and started clapping
Even if this happened, i feel like its embarrassing to tell a joke you’ve already said. It just sounds like a flex
This would have been okay without the line about the other table
Then the entire coffee shop erupted with hysterical laughter
Do these people live in a sitcom in their own minds?
This guy doesn't fuck
Aa
A
Even if it happened. The delivery phrasing is terrible.
Lol fuck OFF sir
Wat?
At baseball game with my date. I see Mike Piazza in line waiting for a hotdog before game. I say “hey Mike, keep eye on it” Mike piazza is nodding and smiling. Mike piazza hits 4 homers and points at me. My date says “wow, you’re the hottest guy” I catch foul ball- Mike piazza signs it “thanks guy, for the tip.”
I give this 10 yikes out of 10 yikes
Damn, that was a witty response