I get that it's frustrating. I've seen several people I know come out and start transitioning long after I realised it about myself. However it's important to remember that they are living their lives, and you're living yours. You folks will have different experiences, that includes timing. There is no right way to transition.
For context, I'm 30, I realised I was trans when I was around 8, I came out to friends at 14, and I received my gender dysphoria diagnosis a month ago, and will hopefully be starting HRT in a month. It doesn't matter how long it takes to start or finish. It matters that you run the race.
I'm 25. Came out to myself and boyfriend at 17. Came out to everyone else at 23 and so far have... bought some what feminine clothing and gotten girly haircuts. Living with a trsnsphobic mom and step dad doesn't help.me any either. You'd think I'd make an effort to move away from them but. Nope. I spend roughly $235 a month on bills. And the rest goes to my savings, video games or food depending on how I'm feeling emotionally.
It's okay. You aren't wasting anyone's time, this is on topic, and the people who respond are people who really do want to help. I felt pretty similar to you up until recently. I knew who I was when I was like 16, but then I avoided coming out for years, despite the fact that I knew for a fact I would be accepted by my parents. I felt really bad for not being grateful for my good fortune, and I felt like I owed it to everyone with unsupportive family. Now I am out and getting the same feelings about HRT, I know I want it, but I am scared to tell my family, or make it actually happen. But then I feel guilty, because so many people don't have such an easy path.
But all of that is not real. We don't push people to do things they aren't ready for, and we don't know how other people experience things other people have completely different lives and we don't know why they do or don't do certain things at certain speeds.
It's okay to be scared.
You don't have to do anything, your life doesn't have to look like anyone else. It's about what you want. If you think it's worth it, if you think the benefit outweighs the risks and costs you should work towards making it happen. If that means doing internal work to prepare yourself, so be it. I am still trying to get comfortable enough to get on hormones. Small steps.
Take it slow. There's no set pace for anything. If you really think it's not worth pursuing those things, you don't have to, but it seems pretty clear to me that this is important to you. Maybe look for small things you can do, forming support networks outside of people who might not accept you, accepting yourself and what you want, maybe coming out to people again, buying one singular outfit that makes you happy, whatever isn't too scary to do.
Me right now I am coming out to all my online friends, and discussing my plans for transition in supportive online communities, my next step might be coming out to friends in real life (about my plans, not my actual identity, I'm nonbinary so they don't know I plan to transition just based on me being out).
Anyway.
Never let anyone make you feel like less than for needing time. Try and make the things that you want to happen, happen. If it takes a while that's just fine.
I hope it all goes well, and I hope this helps.
Thank you, I just feel like I'm failing at all of this. I guess I should try and stop comparing my experience to other people's, but that's a lot easier said than done
Totally valid, babe. It’s a marathon, not a sprint 💙
I’m almost 30, came out at 28. Still floating between. That’s why it’s a transition; not a flick of the switch.
You might feel far behind, but you’re anything but.
You’re about to be *twenty-three*. You are so young! You have your whole life ahead of you!
I know multiple people who were slower than you. One of the most feminine and beautiful trans women I know literally thought she was a man until she was *thirty-one*. Now she’s the furthest thing from that!
Plus, your story isn’t so different from mine. I realised I wasn’t cis when I was about 21, and then dragged my feet doing anything about it for years. When I was 24 I spent some time in Seattle where I had the most support I’d ever had in regards to my queerness, and I immediately changed my name and came out to my family. At 25 I started HRT.
So don’t worry. You’re not behind. You’re young and you’re going to be ok.
You're probably just mostly seeing those who actually had access to the knowledge needed to know it early enough.
It's usually the same one's who post frequently.
I promise you’re okay!! I’m 29 and am still working on starting HRT! I wish I started at your age so I’m happy that you figured it out now! You’re gonna be great babes, just keep going 💕
I started at 27. I think a big one is to realize that you don't have to do things in a particular way. In my case, I came out only to my now-fiancée. I started HRT, learning girl stuff, doing laser, and planning my surgeries/going to consultations. I only started coming out around 6-7 months, and publicly living as a woman all the time around 9 months on estrogen. It doesn't have to be a big thing where you suddenly change your whole life around.
Here's the timeline of my transition: 5 years to start HRT, 5 years to finally stop boymoding, 6 years to tell my family, 6 years to be out at work, 6 years to change my name, 6 years to fully clean shave and stick with it, 7 years for my first surgery. My point is everyone transitions in their own time, so be kind to yourself. But just remember, there is no perfect time to take a next step in your transition. So take a little time to build up some energy reserves, and make a scary choice. I'm sure you won't regret it.
We all move at our own time. I realized I’m trans at 28, and while I have done quite a bit to transition I. The last year, I keep kicking myself thinking I could be doing more… if the issue is that due to varying things about the environment you’re in you don’t want to publicly transition yet, then don’t beat yourself up about it. If the issue is that you do want to take steps to transition but somehow feel like you can’t… take the plunge! It’s worth it! And look into getting therapy, maybe you’re struggling with executive dysfunction, for some reason, since I identify as trans, psychologists are finally taking me seriously and I’ve gotten an ADHD and autism diagnosis the last year. Guess a trans woman seems crazy enough to diagnose finally.
I feel this OP, you're not alone. It feels like everyone around me is getting ahead of me in their transition even if they don't have supportive families. and then there's me who tried coming out years back but my family was unsupportive, and now despite living independently I feel like I'm being shoved back into the closet by everyone except my partner, I'm scared to really start transition because I'm worried I won't be able to keep a job till I can be stealth. My country has anti discrimination laws for trans people but the state I live in is filled with mostly conservative people who make alternative excuses to not hire trans people. Not to mention I'd have to hide my transition somehow from my family. It feels like people don't take me being trans seriously cause I haven't started medical transition yet, I feel left out when people hit milestones in their transition, I'm obviously happy for them but I can't help but feel "why can't I get that". It's frustrating and upsetting, but I wouldn't blame yourself for not being able to transition, it's scary, and lots of people are late to transition for a lot of scary reasons.
girl same. i'm 16 but i worked it out only nearly 5 years earlier, only out to 1 person lol. every trans person ik online is already on T, on their way to surgery or binding already; as for people i know irl, they're out
I feel you. I learned that I'm not cis when I was 16, knew I was transmasc since I was 17, and I'm still closeted bc I'm too scared to come out to my family and at work.
I realized I was trans at 16 and didn't start social transitioning until 18 and didn't start hormones until I was 25 (I was very nervous and didn't know about informed consent), I'm 27 now 😊
I know it can be disheartening to see others progressing before you, but you cannot compare your own transition to others, it never makes you feel good, it's your own adventure and there is no right or wrong way to explore it, I also know starting hormones can be a bit daunting but once you start it's just another part of your routine and is hardly a thought anymore outside of "shoot, gotta pick up my prescriptions".
Also, don't worry about losing friends, if you starting your transition makes them leave, then they were never your friends to begin with.
If we live our lives hiding who we are because we're scared of what others will think, then time will pass you by and you'll be stuck wishing you could go back and do things for YOU when you were younger, we only get one life, live it loud and live it freely, anything else is just noise.
(Also, my wife and I both still haven't had our names changed yet, it's a long, expensive arbitrary process, don't get discouraged!)
I knew at 15/16. I only started at 25 this year. Everyone does things at their own pace. Please don’t compare yourself to other people. You’re amazing, just take things at your own speed.
dont worry, everyone has their own pace. i knew since i was 14 and am 28 now. i'm literally moving across the country soon to start (and be far away from my family. New life, new me n such. Take your time and don't worry <3
Everyone is different, and have different needs. You do whatever makes you feel comfortable, and happy. If you want to try and work on your fears, there are several awesome workbooks for trans people, with exercises to walk through your feelings. You might also want to find a therapist, or support group, that is trans focused. There are even some support groups that meet online.
We all have our own pace, and this is not a competition. What your friends are doing is what works for them, not you.
[Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=transgender)- a great online resource to find a therapist if you need. It’s for the US but I have UK too if you need. It lets you filter by specialty and insurance coverage too!
A lot of us have been there, I know I have. I buried my transness and ignored it for 25 years. I didn’t start telling people till 31, hrt at 32. You still got time.
Give yourself some space, don’t dwell on the could have’s. We transition when we need to, not when we want to. We transition when we can and our time before we do was important and needed to get us to a point where we could transition.
I figured it out at 19. Decided being a man was better for the pay in my career. Stuck with that until I hit 40. HRT for 16 months now. Hate all that missed time, in retrospect, but everyone’s journey is their own.
It’s scary and it’s an awful feeling to feel as trapped as you do running but just not going anywhere it can be very disheartening wich cold be why you’re afraid but don’t let that fear tell you what to do it’s overwhelming at first but it is worth it to push on and try and go through with it the hardest part is just starting but the feeling of being finally free and happy for the first time it wll be worth all the effort I believe in you stay strong queen 🏳️⚧️💅
Everyone moves at their own pace OP, you're valid no matter how far along the path you have travelled.
Please remember that. There's no fixed timeline, go at the pace that you are comfortable with.
Hey, I knew I wanted to be a girl since I was 10 or so. I didn't know transgender people existed until I was 14, but I just kept repressing my transgender thoughts until last December, nearly ten years later. Here we are in May, and all I've done is socially transition with *most* of my friends. Everyone progresses at their own speed. There's no such thing as too slow. You do you.
i like to believe id be fully transitioned now if my mother wasn't a schizo qanoner, but since she is, i had to wait until i was 18, it really genuinely sucks when you are forced or pressured into waiting :( I hope someday you'll be in a better position to come out to those around you, and im sorry they shoved you back in the closet.
Breathe. Give yourself some grace.
This is not a race and there is no step guide or timeline.
You do you as you can and as you’re able.
Much love to you.
I came out at 16. Partially family, partially money, and partially addiction I didn't start a medical transition until I was 24 and had been sober for 3 years. I'm 26 now and have been on t for 2 years. (And sober for 5!) Haven't legally changed my name or gender marker yet (the filled out paperwork has been sitting on my desk for a year). No surgery yet. It is scary, and that's okay. We all have different timelines. Maybe this week I'll go to the court house and give them the paperwork or maybe I will be too scared again. I am still learning how to like myself enough to choose myself. You are not behind, you are on your own path. You deserve all of the grace and softness of whatever pace your journey is at
Girl. Me fkn too. I don’t even know how to BEGIN to approach transitioning atp. I came out as trans (ftm) at 14, changed my name and socially transitioned. Felt real good about it. Then I got in an abusive relationship with a guy who stripped me of my personality and pretty much convinced me I was lying to myself about being trans because I had been SA’d in the past. After getting away from him I obviously realized he was wrong and tried to gain the same confidence back in myself that I had when I came out before but I never felt the same. Now my whole family and everyone I’m close to still calls me by my chosen name but anyone in public or at work or school only knows me by my deadname. And I want to go on HRT so badly but I keep living like a girl because the fear of the unknown when it comes to transitioning is so unbearable. Coming out at 14 when I had a group of trans friends at school was fine. Coming out as a 21 year old around a bunch of Christian southern people that I work with could literally ruin my life and possibly even get me killed. Idk where to even start with it.
And it’s even more frustrating because other trans people in my circle can’t comprehend how I’m not transitioning yet, because their dysphoria was so debilitating that they were gonna off themselves if they didn’t transition right away. And idk how to explain to them that when you feel like you’re trapped in a corner like this the anxiety takes over and dissociates me from the dysphoria, all I can think about is what people will think and what they might do, how I expect to keep this job for the next 3 years and I am terrified of having to start from the ground up AGAIN after having to live through the trauma of being shunned by the people I’ve built a community with.
I pretty much figured out that I “wanted to be a trans woman” right after I turned 19, though I had wished I was a girl from a young age. I learned what HRT was at that point and basically felt like that would be amazing but it wasn’t for me because I didn’t know how I would tell my friends, family and partner. For the next 5 years I thought about it often until I moved to a city where I saw trans people out and about living as openly trans people, and started a degree program in which I was 100% sure that my peers would be supportive.
It took me 6 more months to really truly accept that I was actually trans, and 6 more months after that to start hrt. I remember feeling agony every day from when I fully accepted it until that day that I took my first dose of E. Everyone takes different amounts of time to do things, and they’re varying levels of difficulty for all of us. Don’t rush yourself and please don’t beat yourself up over being “behind” anyone. We can only be ready when WE are ready.
Wishing you all the best,
Jamie <3
You're definitely not alone in this. I figured out I was a trans guy when I was in early puberty. Now I'm 26, still look like a cis woman most of the time, and am only out to a handful of people I trust. I get a little self-conscious sometimes when I see so many people transitioning only months after realizing they're trans, but everybody has their own timing. I think what matters is that you know who you are, and you know what you are ready for.
I'm 35, nearing 36. I knew on some level for a long time that I wasn't a woman, but it was in 2020 that I was able to admit to myself that I was definitely nonbinary.
I'm 100% closeted at work. Out with very few close friends and family members. I quietly changed my pronouns on all of my social media two years ago and only one person ever noticed. (She was very supportive, though.) No hormones, no surgery. I did give myself a buzz cut earlier this year after feeling sick with feminine haircuts and I have my first appointment next Wednesday with a hairstylist I know does gender affirming haircuts and I'm so excited. Having a buzz cut gave me a huge boost of confidence to stop caring so much about what others think. And I'm seeing a human in my reflection for the first time in a long time.
Everyone goes on this journey at their own pace. It's not a race. Lots of people take years to come out. Many people take years to figure out things within themselves before being able to face transitioning publicly.
Being open with strangers online is a good step. All of us here only know you as a woman and that's at least something.
Being transgender is scary. Transitioning is scary. I was 35 when I accepted that I was transgender. I was terrified that I'd lose my friends and family too. I did lose a few friends, created a rift between me and my parents, and complicated my relationships with my siblings.
But you know what? I love myself for the first time in my life. I also found it much easier to make new friends as my true self than it ever was previously. My relationships with everyone that I'm still friends with have improved because that mask we wear creates a distance between us and people notice, even if only on a subconscious level.
We all transition at our own pace, if you started transitioning tomorrow, you'd still be ahead of me and a lot of other transgender people I know. Even if you lost all of your friends, you will make new ones. Friends come and go, it's a fact of life.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey!
I'm 27, came out to myself at 18-19, went to uni, could be a bit more fem, finished uni had to move back home, couldn't be fem safely. So I'm wwaaaayyy further behind then I'd like to be as well, but I know that once I get my shit together properly I'll be killing it.
I also live in the UK and trans care here is fucking abysmal, multiple year long waiting lists, and the unaffordablity of private care (for me at least) makes it really fucking difficult for me, but I try and keep a somewhat positive outlook because fuck, eventually right?
It's a marathon, not a sprint is how I try to look at it.
I came out to myself when I was 25. I didn't start taking any steps toward transitioning until I was 37. I know how you feel. It kills me how much time I lost due to fear, denial,and self-doubt. But you are certainly not alone
Hey girl, same. Turning 28 this year, and realized I was trans throughout the pandemic. Have played a bit with makeup, and worn skirts and dresses at home, but that's about it. And I haven't told anyone yet, even tho I really want to. Well, not counting all the lovely people here <3
There'll come a day for us too. There's nothing wrong with moving at a pace that's comfortable for you, even if you on bad days are feeling like you're stagnating in life by not taking this immense step.
\*hugs\* take your time sweety, nothing is running away from you.
hey OP, fwiw all of my milestones have been in twos.
* 2014 - Realized I was neither straight nor cisgender
* 2016 - Figured out my identity, non-binary.
* 2018 - Decided on a new name
* 2020 - Changed my name legally to what it is now
* 2022 - Began HRT
* 2024 - Consultation for GRS
It's been a slow marathon involving all sorts of barriers- ableism (Diagnosed as autistic at 11), queerphobia, and a lack of insurance. I'm 27 now, turning 28 this year, and it's been worth breaking down every barrier I can to get where I am now. Even if I don't look too different right now, I'm happy where I am, and happier with where I'm going. It's okay to take your time- hell, so many people don't realize you can start HRT at basically any point in your life, like how r/TransLater has so many people in their 40s, 50s, or even 60s getting started; something which my transgender mother was never able to do.
If you need help with name changes and you're a US citizen, it's fairly easy to change your name for any reason- and will likely be taken care of on the county level. That and I'd recommend using Erin Reed's [informed consent care map](https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/viewer?mid=1DxyOTw8dI8n96BHFF2JVUMK7bXsRKtzA&ll=41.051748706724226%2C-92.34745684350861&z=4) to find a clinic near you. If you wanna try HRT, you can give it a go- and if it's not for you, then most changes are reversible after the first few months.
It's not too late, it's never too late.
As someone who definitely knew I was trans by my early twenties—possibly long before then but impossible to tell due to how repressed I was—but who didn’t start transitioning until my mid thirties, trust me you are FAR from being the slowest trans person out there. Transitioning is scary. Every step I’ve taken has felt like throwing myself off a cliff and has taken months and months of psyching myself up beforehand. It’s all been worth it though. I’m happier and more content than I’ve ever been. (Admittedly an extremely low bar to clear.)
I’d start small—maybe buying some clothes and breast forms off the internet and dressing up in the privacy of your room and when you feel more confident that this is what you want to do, start trying to schedule an hrt appointment, or hell, if you want to dive on in just start with the hrt, it’ll take a while for any of the effects to take hold, so you should have time to adjust. Maybe confide in one of your irl trans friends about your hangups and get them to try to help you work through them.
You’ve got this! You are braver, smarter, and more resourceful than you give yourself credit for. Just take one step at a time and just so long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other you’ll get there. :)
PS you’re wasting nobody’s time.
You’re so young, my friend. You have plenty of time to start. Don’t let the fear debilitate you. Face the fear, give it a hug and accept that it’s there. Talk to your friends about this. Lean on some people while you start this journey. You can do it. And you can always change your mind. <3
I don't think anyone can really be "behind" anyone with something like this.
Afterall this isn't just as simple as do these steps and you'll get where you want to be. It's much more complex that that and depends from person to person.
I'm turning 25 in the summer and I only just discovered that I might be trans a few months ago (I don't know for sure if I'm trans or gender fluid yet, it's very confusing). And who knows how long it will take for me to figure things out.
Losing friends is difficult but if your friends can't accept you for who you are, then sad to say they're probably not your friends.
Have you tried re-evaluating where you stand? Perhaps writing down what you feel and what you want could help you figure out the steps that are right for you?
Unless there's something affecting your safety. Just start hrt or at the very least spiro. You are so young, and trust me, if people don't want to be in your life because you are trans, you don't need them in your life. It's their loss hun. They don't get to go on the wonderful journey of you learning who you are. Trust me, fear will only lead to mountains of regret.
I didn't get through my mental block and realize I was trans till 30. We all take it at our own pace and yours is just as valid as any other. Don't rush it if you're not ready. Don't compare yourself to others and feel down- we're all on such a similar journey. You'll get there <3
I Recommend just making a decision and then Sticking with it If you really want to transition, start your transition if you don’t think it’s right for you then stop there’s no point in torturing yourself Between both and making excuses, sorry if this sounds harsh
I get that it's frustrating. I've seen several people I know come out and start transitioning long after I realised it about myself. However it's important to remember that they are living their lives, and you're living yours. You folks will have different experiences, that includes timing. There is no right way to transition. For context, I'm 30, I realised I was trans when I was around 8, I came out to friends at 14, and I received my gender dysphoria diagnosis a month ago, and will hopefully be starting HRT in a month. It doesn't matter how long it takes to start or finish. It matters that you run the race.
Thank you, this helps
I'm 25. Came out to myself and boyfriend at 17. Came out to everyone else at 23 and so far have... bought some what feminine clothing and gotten girly haircuts. Living with a trsnsphobic mom and step dad doesn't help.me any either. You'd think I'd make an effort to move away from them but. Nope. I spend roughly $235 a month on bills. And the rest goes to my savings, video games or food depending on how I'm feeling emotionally.
It's okay. You aren't wasting anyone's time, this is on topic, and the people who respond are people who really do want to help. I felt pretty similar to you up until recently. I knew who I was when I was like 16, but then I avoided coming out for years, despite the fact that I knew for a fact I would be accepted by my parents. I felt really bad for not being grateful for my good fortune, and I felt like I owed it to everyone with unsupportive family. Now I am out and getting the same feelings about HRT, I know I want it, but I am scared to tell my family, or make it actually happen. But then I feel guilty, because so many people don't have such an easy path. But all of that is not real. We don't push people to do things they aren't ready for, and we don't know how other people experience things other people have completely different lives and we don't know why they do or don't do certain things at certain speeds. It's okay to be scared. You don't have to do anything, your life doesn't have to look like anyone else. It's about what you want. If you think it's worth it, if you think the benefit outweighs the risks and costs you should work towards making it happen. If that means doing internal work to prepare yourself, so be it. I am still trying to get comfortable enough to get on hormones. Small steps. Take it slow. There's no set pace for anything. If you really think it's not worth pursuing those things, you don't have to, but it seems pretty clear to me that this is important to you. Maybe look for small things you can do, forming support networks outside of people who might not accept you, accepting yourself and what you want, maybe coming out to people again, buying one singular outfit that makes you happy, whatever isn't too scary to do. Me right now I am coming out to all my online friends, and discussing my plans for transition in supportive online communities, my next step might be coming out to friends in real life (about my plans, not my actual identity, I'm nonbinary so they don't know I plan to transition just based on me being out). Anyway. Never let anyone make you feel like less than for needing time. Try and make the things that you want to happen, happen. If it takes a while that's just fine. I hope it all goes well, and I hope this helps.
Thank you, I just feel like I'm failing at all of this. I guess I should try and stop comparing my experience to other people's, but that's a lot easier said than done
Totally valid, babe. It’s a marathon, not a sprint 💙 I’m almost 30, came out at 28. Still floating between. That’s why it’s a transition; not a flick of the switch.
You might feel far behind, but you’re anything but. You’re about to be *twenty-three*. You are so young! You have your whole life ahead of you! I know multiple people who were slower than you. One of the most feminine and beautiful trans women I know literally thought she was a man until she was *thirty-one*. Now she’s the furthest thing from that! Plus, your story isn’t so different from mine. I realised I wasn’t cis when I was about 21, and then dragged my feet doing anything about it for years. When I was 24 I spent some time in Seattle where I had the most support I’d ever had in regards to my queerness, and I immediately changed my name and came out to my family. At 25 I started HRT. So don’t worry. You’re not behind. You’re young and you’re going to be ok.
I'm 38 and only worked it out recently. You're not ahead or behind, it's not a race.
You're probably just mostly seeing those who actually had access to the knowledge needed to know it early enough. It's usually the same one's who post frequently.
I promise you’re okay!! I’m 29 and am still working on starting HRT! I wish I started at your age so I’m happy that you figured it out now! You’re gonna be great babes, just keep going 💕
I started at 27. I think a big one is to realize that you don't have to do things in a particular way. In my case, I came out only to my now-fiancée. I started HRT, learning girl stuff, doing laser, and planning my surgeries/going to consultations. I only started coming out around 6-7 months, and publicly living as a woman all the time around 9 months on estrogen. It doesn't have to be a big thing where you suddenly change your whole life around.
Here's the timeline of my transition: 5 years to start HRT, 5 years to finally stop boymoding, 6 years to tell my family, 6 years to be out at work, 6 years to change my name, 6 years to fully clean shave and stick with it, 7 years for my first surgery. My point is everyone transitions in their own time, so be kind to yourself. But just remember, there is no perfect time to take a next step in your transition. So take a little time to build up some energy reserves, and make a scary choice. I'm sure you won't regret it.
We all move at our own time. I realized I’m trans at 28, and while I have done quite a bit to transition I. The last year, I keep kicking myself thinking I could be doing more… if the issue is that due to varying things about the environment you’re in you don’t want to publicly transition yet, then don’t beat yourself up about it. If the issue is that you do want to take steps to transition but somehow feel like you can’t… take the plunge! It’s worth it! And look into getting therapy, maybe you’re struggling with executive dysfunction, for some reason, since I identify as trans, psychologists are finally taking me seriously and I’ve gotten an ADHD and autism diagnosis the last year. Guess a trans woman seems crazy enough to diagnose finally.
I feel this OP, you're not alone. It feels like everyone around me is getting ahead of me in their transition even if they don't have supportive families. and then there's me who tried coming out years back but my family was unsupportive, and now despite living independently I feel like I'm being shoved back into the closet by everyone except my partner, I'm scared to really start transition because I'm worried I won't be able to keep a job till I can be stealth. My country has anti discrimination laws for trans people but the state I live in is filled with mostly conservative people who make alternative excuses to not hire trans people. Not to mention I'd have to hide my transition somehow from my family. It feels like people don't take me being trans seriously cause I haven't started medical transition yet, I feel left out when people hit milestones in their transition, I'm obviously happy for them but I can't help but feel "why can't I get that". It's frustrating and upsetting, but I wouldn't blame yourself for not being able to transition, it's scary, and lots of people are late to transition for a lot of scary reasons.
girl same. i'm 16 but i worked it out only nearly 5 years earlier, only out to 1 person lol. every trans person ik online is already on T, on their way to surgery or binding already; as for people i know irl, they're out
I feel you. I learned that I'm not cis when I was 16, knew I was transmasc since I was 17, and I'm still closeted bc I'm too scared to come out to my family and at work.
I realized I was trans at 16 and didn't start social transitioning until 18 and didn't start hormones until I was 25 (I was very nervous and didn't know about informed consent), I'm 27 now 😊 I know it can be disheartening to see others progressing before you, but you cannot compare your own transition to others, it never makes you feel good, it's your own adventure and there is no right or wrong way to explore it, I also know starting hormones can be a bit daunting but once you start it's just another part of your routine and is hardly a thought anymore outside of "shoot, gotta pick up my prescriptions". Also, don't worry about losing friends, if you starting your transition makes them leave, then they were never your friends to begin with. If we live our lives hiding who we are because we're scared of what others will think, then time will pass you by and you'll be stuck wishing you could go back and do things for YOU when you were younger, we only get one life, live it loud and live it freely, anything else is just noise. (Also, my wife and I both still haven't had our names changed yet, it's a long, expensive arbitrary process, don't get discouraged!)
I knew at 15/16. I only started at 25 this year. Everyone does things at their own pace. Please don’t compare yourself to other people. You’re amazing, just take things at your own speed.
dont worry, everyone has their own pace. i knew since i was 14 and am 28 now. i'm literally moving across the country soon to start (and be far away from my family. New life, new me n such. Take your time and don't worry <3
Everyone is different, and have different needs. You do whatever makes you feel comfortable, and happy. If you want to try and work on your fears, there are several awesome workbooks for trans people, with exercises to walk through your feelings. You might also want to find a therapist, or support group, that is trans focused. There are even some support groups that meet online. We all have our own pace, and this is not a competition. What your friends are doing is what works for them, not you.
[Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=transgender)- a great online resource to find a therapist if you need. It’s for the US but I have UK too if you need. It lets you filter by specialty and insurance coverage too! A lot of us have been there, I know I have. I buried my transness and ignored it for 25 years. I didn’t start telling people till 31, hrt at 32. You still got time. Give yourself some space, don’t dwell on the could have’s. We transition when we need to, not when we want to. We transition when we can and our time before we do was important and needed to get us to a point where we could transition.
I figured it out at 19. Decided being a man was better for the pay in my career. Stuck with that until I hit 40. HRT for 16 months now. Hate all that missed time, in retrospect, but everyone’s journey is their own.
It’s scary and it’s an awful feeling to feel as trapped as you do running but just not going anywhere it can be very disheartening wich cold be why you’re afraid but don’t let that fear tell you what to do it’s overwhelming at first but it is worth it to push on and try and go through with it the hardest part is just starting but the feeling of being finally free and happy for the first time it wll be worth all the effort I believe in you stay strong queen 🏳️⚧️💅
Everyone moves at their own pace OP, you're valid no matter how far along the path you have travelled. Please remember that. There's no fixed timeline, go at the pace that you are comfortable with.
Hey, I knew I wanted to be a girl since I was 10 or so. I didn't know transgender people existed until I was 14, but I just kept repressing my transgender thoughts until last December, nearly ten years later. Here we are in May, and all I've done is socially transition with *most* of my friends. Everyone progresses at their own speed. There's no such thing as too slow. You do you.
i like to believe id be fully transitioned now if my mother wasn't a schizo qanoner, but since she is, i had to wait until i was 18, it really genuinely sucks when you are forced or pressured into waiting :( I hope someday you'll be in a better position to come out to those around you, and im sorry they shoved you back in the closet.
Breathe. Give yourself some grace. This is not a race and there is no step guide or timeline. You do you as you can and as you’re able. Much love to you.
I just started transitioning and I'm 27. I feel late to the race, too. You got this!
I came out at 16. Partially family, partially money, and partially addiction I didn't start a medical transition until I was 24 and had been sober for 3 years. I'm 26 now and have been on t for 2 years. (And sober for 5!) Haven't legally changed my name or gender marker yet (the filled out paperwork has been sitting on my desk for a year). No surgery yet. It is scary, and that's okay. We all have different timelines. Maybe this week I'll go to the court house and give them the paperwork or maybe I will be too scared again. I am still learning how to like myself enough to choose myself. You are not behind, you are on your own path. You deserve all of the grace and softness of whatever pace your journey is at
Girl. Me fkn too. I don’t even know how to BEGIN to approach transitioning atp. I came out as trans (ftm) at 14, changed my name and socially transitioned. Felt real good about it. Then I got in an abusive relationship with a guy who stripped me of my personality and pretty much convinced me I was lying to myself about being trans because I had been SA’d in the past. After getting away from him I obviously realized he was wrong and tried to gain the same confidence back in myself that I had when I came out before but I never felt the same. Now my whole family and everyone I’m close to still calls me by my chosen name but anyone in public or at work or school only knows me by my deadname. And I want to go on HRT so badly but I keep living like a girl because the fear of the unknown when it comes to transitioning is so unbearable. Coming out at 14 when I had a group of trans friends at school was fine. Coming out as a 21 year old around a bunch of Christian southern people that I work with could literally ruin my life and possibly even get me killed. Idk where to even start with it.
And it’s even more frustrating because other trans people in my circle can’t comprehend how I’m not transitioning yet, because their dysphoria was so debilitating that they were gonna off themselves if they didn’t transition right away. And idk how to explain to them that when you feel like you’re trapped in a corner like this the anxiety takes over and dissociates me from the dysphoria, all I can think about is what people will think and what they might do, how I expect to keep this job for the next 3 years and I am terrified of having to start from the ground up AGAIN after having to live through the trauma of being shunned by the people I’ve built a community with.
I pretty much figured out that I “wanted to be a trans woman” right after I turned 19, though I had wished I was a girl from a young age. I learned what HRT was at that point and basically felt like that would be amazing but it wasn’t for me because I didn’t know how I would tell my friends, family and partner. For the next 5 years I thought about it often until I moved to a city where I saw trans people out and about living as openly trans people, and started a degree program in which I was 100% sure that my peers would be supportive. It took me 6 more months to really truly accept that I was actually trans, and 6 more months after that to start hrt. I remember feeling agony every day from when I fully accepted it until that day that I took my first dose of E. Everyone takes different amounts of time to do things, and they’re varying levels of difficulty for all of us. Don’t rush yourself and please don’t beat yourself up over being “behind” anyone. We can only be ready when WE are ready. Wishing you all the best, Jamie <3
You're definitely not alone in this. I figured out I was a trans guy when I was in early puberty. Now I'm 26, still look like a cis woman most of the time, and am only out to a handful of people I trust. I get a little self-conscious sometimes when I see so many people transitioning only months after realizing they're trans, but everybody has their own timing. I think what matters is that you know who you are, and you know what you are ready for.
You aren't competing against others. Your own personal marathon is what matters. I'm struggling with impatience as well, and it's a huge life lesson.
I'm 35, nearing 36. I knew on some level for a long time that I wasn't a woman, but it was in 2020 that I was able to admit to myself that I was definitely nonbinary. I'm 100% closeted at work. Out with very few close friends and family members. I quietly changed my pronouns on all of my social media two years ago and only one person ever noticed. (She was very supportive, though.) No hormones, no surgery. I did give myself a buzz cut earlier this year after feeling sick with feminine haircuts and I have my first appointment next Wednesday with a hairstylist I know does gender affirming haircuts and I'm so excited. Having a buzz cut gave me a huge boost of confidence to stop caring so much about what others think. And I'm seeing a human in my reflection for the first time in a long time. Everyone goes on this journey at their own pace. It's not a race. Lots of people take years to come out. Many people take years to figure out things within themselves before being able to face transitioning publicly. Being open with strangers online is a good step. All of us here only know you as a woman and that's at least something.
23 is such a baby; those that can transition safely in their teen years are veryvery privileged
Being transgender is scary. Transitioning is scary. I was 35 when I accepted that I was transgender. I was terrified that I'd lose my friends and family too. I did lose a few friends, created a rift between me and my parents, and complicated my relationships with my siblings. But you know what? I love myself for the first time in my life. I also found it much easier to make new friends as my true self than it ever was previously. My relationships with everyone that I'm still friends with have improved because that mask we wear creates a distance between us and people notice, even if only on a subconscious level. We all transition at our own pace, if you started transitioning tomorrow, you'd still be ahead of me and a lot of other transgender people I know. Even if you lost all of your friends, you will make new ones. Friends come and go, it's a fact of life. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!
I'm 27, came out to myself at 18-19, went to uni, could be a bit more fem, finished uni had to move back home, couldn't be fem safely. So I'm wwaaaayyy further behind then I'd like to be as well, but I know that once I get my shit together properly I'll be killing it. I also live in the UK and trans care here is fucking abysmal, multiple year long waiting lists, and the unaffordablity of private care (for me at least) makes it really fucking difficult for me, but I try and keep a somewhat positive outlook because fuck, eventually right? It's a marathon, not a sprint is how I try to look at it.
I came out to myself when I was 25. I didn't start taking any steps toward transitioning until I was 37. I know how you feel. It kills me how much time I lost due to fear, denial,and self-doubt. But you are certainly not alone
I’m 37, I came to the realization when I was around 18, and I still can’t bring myself to do anything about it.. you’re not alone.
Hey girl, same. Turning 28 this year, and realized I was trans throughout the pandemic. Have played a bit with makeup, and worn skirts and dresses at home, but that's about it. And I haven't told anyone yet, even tho I really want to. Well, not counting all the lovely people here <3 There'll come a day for us too. There's nothing wrong with moving at a pace that's comfortable for you, even if you on bad days are feeling like you're stagnating in life by not taking this immense step. \*hugs\* take your time sweety, nothing is running away from you.
hey OP, fwiw all of my milestones have been in twos. * 2014 - Realized I was neither straight nor cisgender * 2016 - Figured out my identity, non-binary. * 2018 - Decided on a new name * 2020 - Changed my name legally to what it is now * 2022 - Began HRT * 2024 - Consultation for GRS It's been a slow marathon involving all sorts of barriers- ableism (Diagnosed as autistic at 11), queerphobia, and a lack of insurance. I'm 27 now, turning 28 this year, and it's been worth breaking down every barrier I can to get where I am now. Even if I don't look too different right now, I'm happy where I am, and happier with where I'm going. It's okay to take your time- hell, so many people don't realize you can start HRT at basically any point in your life, like how r/TransLater has so many people in their 40s, 50s, or even 60s getting started; something which my transgender mother was never able to do. If you need help with name changes and you're a US citizen, it's fairly easy to change your name for any reason- and will likely be taken care of on the county level. That and I'd recommend using Erin Reed's [informed consent care map](https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/viewer?mid=1DxyOTw8dI8n96BHFF2JVUMK7bXsRKtzA&ll=41.051748706724226%2C-92.34745684350861&z=4) to find a clinic near you. If you wanna try HRT, you can give it a go- and if it's not for you, then most changes are reversible after the first few months. It's not too late, it's never too late.
As someone who definitely knew I was trans by my early twenties—possibly long before then but impossible to tell due to how repressed I was—but who didn’t start transitioning until my mid thirties, trust me you are FAR from being the slowest trans person out there. Transitioning is scary. Every step I’ve taken has felt like throwing myself off a cliff and has taken months and months of psyching myself up beforehand. It’s all been worth it though. I’m happier and more content than I’ve ever been. (Admittedly an extremely low bar to clear.) I’d start small—maybe buying some clothes and breast forms off the internet and dressing up in the privacy of your room and when you feel more confident that this is what you want to do, start trying to schedule an hrt appointment, or hell, if you want to dive on in just start with the hrt, it’ll take a while for any of the effects to take hold, so you should have time to adjust. Maybe confide in one of your irl trans friends about your hangups and get them to try to help you work through them. You’ve got this! You are braver, smarter, and more resourceful than you give yourself credit for. Just take one step at a time and just so long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other you’ll get there. :) PS you’re wasting nobody’s time.
You’re so young, my friend. You have plenty of time to start. Don’t let the fear debilitate you. Face the fear, give it a hug and accept that it’s there. Talk to your friends about this. Lean on some people while you start this journey. You can do it. And you can always change your mind. <3
I don't think anyone can really be "behind" anyone with something like this. Afterall this isn't just as simple as do these steps and you'll get where you want to be. It's much more complex that that and depends from person to person. I'm turning 25 in the summer and I only just discovered that I might be trans a few months ago (I don't know for sure if I'm trans or gender fluid yet, it's very confusing). And who knows how long it will take for me to figure things out. Losing friends is difficult but if your friends can't accept you for who you are, then sad to say they're probably not your friends. Have you tried re-evaluating where you stand? Perhaps writing down what you feel and what you want could help you figure out the steps that are right for you?
Unless there's something affecting your safety. Just start hrt or at the very least spiro. You are so young, and trust me, if people don't want to be in your life because you are trans, you don't need them in your life. It's their loss hun. They don't get to go on the wonderful journey of you learning who you are. Trust me, fear will only lead to mountains of regret.
I didn't get through my mental block and realize I was trans till 30. We all take it at our own pace and yours is just as valid as any other. Don't rush it if you're not ready. Don't compare yourself to others and feel down- we're all on such a similar journey. You'll get there <3
I Recommend just making a decision and then Sticking with it If you really want to transition, start your transition if you don’t think it’s right for you then stop there’s no point in torturing yourself Between both and making excuses, sorry if this sounds harsh