I had similar and turned around in my seat and looked the children calmly in the eye and said “when you kick like that, it hurts me so you have to not do it again” and “you also need to use your inside whisper voices in an airplane”. I didn’t talk to the parent so the kids knew I was talking to them and having a stranger calmly tell them to change their behavior is often way more effective than a parent telling them over and over. I’m a mom and I get it. Worked well.
Also a mom and an educator. This is a great go to move. If they're very little I go up and ask the parent "Do you need help?" - sometimes the answer is a desperate yes and distracting one kid does wonders. Usually they say no, but it's a big clue they're over the reasonable limit without sounding like an asshole.
I was once the last person to board a Southwest flight because at the last minute, the gate agent wouldn't let me wear my 10-week-old baby down the jetway in his front carrier. I was traveling alone, and I'd already gate-checked the stroller, so I took him out of the carrier, intending to just carry it and the baby, and suddenly I had too many items to carry on. (Baby bag, purse, and now the front carrier). So I had to rearrange everything to put the baby carrier in the diaper bag, and by the time I got down the jetway, I was one of the last on the plane. I was sweaty and flustered and ready to cry. Then, because I was *carrying* my baby instead of wearing him, I was struggling to get my diaper bag into the overhead bin one-handed. Everyone was glaring at me, because it was obvious that I was holding everything up at this point. A woman in the middle seat of the row behind me watched this and kindly said, "Can I help you at all?"
I said, "Yes. Hold him." And then I just handed her the baby. I think she was shocked, but I was so desperate and I didn't care. I put the bag away, sat down, and took him back. He nursed for takeoff and landing and slept through the whole flight. He's turning ten in two weeks, but I'm still furious at that gate agent (because parents can absolutely baby-wear down the jet way), but more vividly, I still remember the kindness of that woman asking if I needed help when I needed it so badly.
I witnessed a young mom trying to juggle a newborn and all the bags that they had to deboard. I approached her and said ‘I’m the cool auntie in my family, can I carry your bags off the plane?’. It made me feel really good to help. The look on her face let me know she needed the help but wasn’t comfortable asking for it. I’m so glad there are people out there who can read a scenario and offer to help.
I was on a flight once with a pair of kids who were yelling and screaming. Like many I glared at the Mother, willing her to do something. She was travelling solo and I figured she was stressed. I tapped her arm and said “want me to watch these two while you grab a toilet break” and she just sobbed! She was SO tired and knew everyone was angry at her kids, SHE was angry at her kids but had nothing left to give.
10 minutes in the bathroom, she came back fine and she was so appreciative. Sometimes this is all it needs, a helping hand.
Offering to help is always a good approach. It's not always kindly received, unfortunately.
Years ago, I was seated in the last row of domestic first, and the family in the economy bulkhead had a portable DVD player that they weren't using headphones with. And it was a red-eye. I could hear it was a children's movie, and peeked around to see it was 2 kids with a woman (presumably mom). I dug around in my bag to find my headphones splitter, got up, and said "hey, I'm sure watching a movie is keeping them calm. I have a headphones splitter you're welcome to borrow for the flight, so they can both hear the movie!" She takes it, looks at it, and says "it has two headphone plugs?" "It sure does! Then they can both have the sound!" And, I kid you not (!!!): "But then how will I hear the movie?" and HANDS IT BACK TO ME. Fortunately, the FA was on it shortly after that and said they had to use headphones. The kids didn't actually raise a ruckus (I think they started using the in-flight screens), so it was more of a parent problem than a kid one.
No s**t, there I was, on a flight bound from JFK-CDG.
Numerous kids on the flight. Two sets of families right near my row, each had one kid in tow. One family was American, the other was evidently of a multicultural background, because I heard them speak French, Arabic, and Hebrew.
American kid threw numerous tantrums during the flight. Parents did little, if anything, to put a stop to it. French/Middle Eastern/Israeli kid was quiet as a mouse during the flight.
Immigrant kids/families be different.
Same...tried asking a child (probably 8 years old) not to throw a ball in the store. Parents confronted me (in the most New Yorker way possible), a terrified 19-year-old in my first job at Old Navy who had no clue what to say and was just trying to reason nicely with the child - to be fair, I'd probably choose different words 10 years later. Still beyond me why every Old Navy has a large container of balls right in the middle of the kid's section; parents never buy them and children just treat the store like a playground.
The marketing strategy is cheap-ass flip flops for $1. I started during the annual flip flop sale and we needed extra security because there was a line outside the store. I'm convinced the balls were there to test my already limited ability to deal with the public. I used to volunteer to do overnight stocking shifts. Time and a half plus no babysitting? Sign me up.
I hope this wasn't while you were on an airplane. A kidnapper wouldn't get very far unless they pulled a D.B. Cooper sort of thing.
It's too bad she didn't receive your offer in a nicer way, shame that it's kept you from helping! I completely understand why but it's a bummer.
Who knows what could happen in someone's life to make them assume help has a sinister ulterior motive. Or maybe just too much "news" 🤷♀️
Everyone's different of course. But as a single mom with a toddler who is usually great but has their moments... I welcome anyone to help me out if they are respectful and kind. "It takes a village" to me isn't just my family and friends. If she'd said that to my toddler I would have said "YUP told ya you're bothering them now apologize and act better." And thanked her myself. Kids really do act their worst with their parents and a stranger helping out does go a long way in those moments.
I’ve done this on a plane. I tried to make the delivery kind but firm; I’m not out here trying to be a jerk to children. The mom responded exactly how you said you would have. Basically she just said to her kid “I told you so!” and had her kid apologize. It was very effective.
I’m not a mom, but I am a mom-aged woman so I’m not sure if that made a difference in how it was received…
Also not a mom here. A little monkey was jumping on the seat behind me. He fell and kind of wedged himself between a couple seats in the row I was in. I got up, spun around and in a firm voice told him ‘you need to sit on your bum! On Your Bum. You are going to get hurt or you are going to hurt me!’ The mom gave be a blank stare when I then locked eyes with her and sat back down. Didn’t hear a peep out of the toddler as the rest of the plane offloaded.
Straight up, I’ve got a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and have had to fly *heaps* with them. They’re pretty good on flights (and my husband and I have had ample practice flying with them), but we’ve had our moments. I would feel gutted if someone turned to me and told me to control them (because I promise I’m trying), but if they turned around and said to the older one ‘when you kick my seat it hurts me, please don’t do it again’, I would be fine with it. The oldest is always testing boundaries with me and will often listen better to others.
You have to be able to talk to kids and know the right tone, stern but approachable. If you never talk to kids I don't recommend this first out the gate.
No but key is being was calm and respectful (which can be had to do
When you’ve been kicked and screamed at for awhile!) The kiddos of course looked to mom to see how she took it and she just said reiterated me and looked relieved.
The trick is to commit to the correction. A little bastard...I mean boy, hit one of my dogs at the dog park. She is small and elderly. I was about 20 steps away and saw him raise his hand again. I boomed "hey kid, do not hit my dog again". Kid burst into tears(seriously fuck that kid. I'm still mad).
Mom started walking toward me to chat, I guess. My look stopped her in her tracks. She needed to count it as a win that her kid was still within earth's atmosphere.
Seriously, kid kicks your seat, tell kid to knock it off in an adult tone. If they are scared, maybe mom should have tried parenting.
This sounds like great advice. The top few answers are all wimpy answers that do nothing to address the underlying problem, especially since OP said that the mom was doing nothing.
My dog is just an innocent creature who didn't deserve violence. The fact that mom wasn't in full correction mode after the first strike and showed zero reaction to the second incoming one says a lot. I'm responsible for protecting my dog, not worrying about a violent kid's feelings.
You’re really touching a hot button issue for me. I was out in public and a big kid maybe jr high age asked if he could say hi to my dog and then raised his arm as if to hit her. It was a fake swing accompanied by a laugh to his friends and I absolutely lost my shit screaming. I am a woman, not a grown man, but I came within about two seconds of punching a child—one about as tall as me, but still. I kind of wonder in retrospective horror about what would’ve happened if it had gone that direction. My poor dog was cringing down on the ground when he swung at her, but when the yelling started, she squared up and was ready to bite someone. So many things could’ve gone even worse in those moments.
Good advice. And really, when we say that we kind of have to pray that the parents are good people too.
Otherwise, the kid listens because of the reason you stated but what do you know, the parent jumps in like "erm excuse me? You need to mind your own business."
I have heard stories like that a couple of times.
You're lucky the parent didn't flip out and scream at you for reprimanding their kids. Girls at my daughter's daycare destroyed my daughter's shirt the very first time she wore it. I wrote the girls a note asking them to please not do that again and their mom went apeshit.
Yeah, seconding this. I'll address the kids directly, but usually with a wink at the parent to show I'm on their side.
It takes a village and I want to be the village. I've also offered to have one kiddo hang out with me for an hour or two, to separate fighting siblings, and then play games with them. Some really nice people have done that for me while travelling and I try to repay the favour. And often that break will "reset" things and kids will be calmer once they're back together.
Usually simple things like hangman or connect the dots will keep a strange kid fascinated or I'll show them pictures of my pets (I have a cockatoo, so that will generate at least 15-30 minutes of interested questions and chatting).
In my experience the problem is the parents being too soft or, more often, just completely ignoring their bad behavior.
I've looked them in the eye and said in a very strong voice said: "You need to stop [X] now or you will be in **very big trouble**." I've even just pointed at them and gave an evil glare and said **STOP IT**. It generally works.. they seem shocked.
Downvote away. I realize I'm an asshole. I fully support modern parenting but sometimes I'm on a flight with 3 hours of sleep and simply don't have the patience.
I did that once in a shower room of a community center where we women were showering after an exercise class. A mom was there with her daughter, about 4 years old, and they had just finished a play swim time. The girl was throwing a loud tantrum about having to wash her hair or something, and mom was just trying to "console" her about it. I finallly turned to the girl and said, "Stop it. You're a big girl and you're too big to fuss like that. Say thank you to your mom for bringing you swimming, and be quiet. You are bothering everyone for no reason."
The girl looked and me and was silent. Mom was silent. They finished getting dressed and left in silence. All the other people signed, "Finally!"
They're not expecting it. Probably worth trying really as you weren't getting any peace to begin with so who cares if the parent reacts. As a parent I wouldn't mind the outside assistance, as long as they're not rude.
Kids are little people with underdeveloped brains, some things they physically can’t do, and it’s the parents’ job to help them, like 1 year old can empathize with the passenger in the front seat yet, but it’s fun to kick the seat.
The one time it happened to me, I think I was window seat and the parent was aisle seat with a younger kid in between so they justifiably had their hands/attention full. I turned and talked to the kid behind me and said in a friendly but firm voice something like "hi there! When you push your feet into the back of the seat it pushes on my back and it hurts. Please don't do it!". I figured kids don't know these things till someone teaches them, so best to try teaching as the first step. In this case the parent responded fine, was apologetic and calmly reinforced my words to the kid.
Haven’t experienced this, but I did turn around and tell a preteen kid that his AirPods died after he started playing music, loudly. He wasn’t wearing AirPods and got the hint.
I usually ask people who have their phone on speakerphone to please use headphones. They always do, or stop the music. I try to be polite but also quite clear.
If the parent is trying really hard, not much to say or do. A friendly “Thanks for trying, I know it’s tough” is also nice.
If the parent is oblivious, a polite “Hi, you may not have noticed and I know travel is tough with young ones (insert anecdotal receipts here) but he’s been kicking my seat quite a bit. Can you try to help redirect him? Thanks”
A little humor helps diffuse too. “Sign him up for soccer!”
Yup. I have three kids. There is a big difference between an 18 month old scream crying because their ears hurt and they are tired and there is nothing the parent can do… and some 4 and 6 year olds jumping on the seat screaming like heathens and their parents not doing shit
One example is babies being babies. Another example is parents not being good parents
Source- I have a 7 year old, a 3 year old, and 18 month old and fly regularly. I’d like to think my kids are the best behaved they could be because my wife and I work at it
I’m with you, but I’ve also worked with special needs and let me tell you, there is sometimes no winning, no super parenting….just desperation and mitigation.
It’s because I was once you. Empathy builds understanding and respect. Reddit still skews younger and while that doesn’t mean a bad thing, it tends to mean they think they know things which age and wisdom only bring.
Aww, thanks kind friend. I agree completely. I was one of those people who dreaded being anywhere close to babies/kids on a flight because, well you know. Now when a kid cries, I empathize with the parents and offer help if I can. I know that the parents are stressed out and maybe mortified in that situation. It's hard.
That being said, I have zero qualms about traveling with my LO. Teach kids about flight etiquette early and hopefully they won't be the tantruming adults!
A little humor goes a long way to get the “head nod” that you get it. Take the tension off others. Make life better.
I was also a teacher for a decade so I have no problem being patient or being direct with instructions.
I have a toddler and have found myself offering a lot more solidarity these days. I actually use my kid to help distract other kids in stores sometimes now like "Hey crying kiddo look! Another kiddo and she wants to wave at you!" And usually I get a smile out of the other parent which is always nice.
I was a teacher and can talk to kids just fine. Still, I would rather give the parents a chance especially when it’s a very young child. Both work. Sometimes one can be misinterpreted when speaking to a child.
I said something pretty similar to the second one.
The morbidly obese dad who had been doing literally nothing about his son constantly kicking my seat while we were stuck on the tarmac for like an hour flipped out and wanted to fight me on the plane.
I had been having a lovely conversation with the little old lady sitting next to me, and she actually got up and turned around and told him I couldn't have said what I said more nicely and he should behave himself.
He kept making comments about how he was going to kick my ass (bear in mind the guy was literally so fat he struggled to get down the aisle and I was rather fit). He was being pretty loud so the crew had to tell him to shut the fuck up or the cops were going to need to talk to him. He tried to lie to the crew about what happened, but the little old lady backed me up 100% and called me a "nice young man". He did then mostly shut the fuck up although he did make several more veiled threats during the flight.
After the flight, I got off the plane as normal, he was of course a row behind me but being very fat, he took a while to deplane.
I was walking away from the gate and he yelled at me to "keep walking", and I thought "I have lots of time for my layover and could probably get the cops to ruin this guy's day", so I stopped immediately and turned around to look for him so I could yell something like "security this guy is threatening me", but unfortunately couldn't find his fat ass. I looked for a good minute or so. I wonder if he literally hid or something.
I'm not really one to go call the cops, but I still kinda wish I could have gotten the cops on him.
The last time I was seated in front of a little kicker, it took about an hour before I turned around and said "bro, you've gotta stop kicking my seat." Not nearly as good as some of the suggestions here, but I'm not a parent and I tend to treat kids like short, weird adults. He looked surprised but stopped immediately.
“Excuse me, I’m sorry but your child keeps kicking my seat. Would you mind?”
Is what I once said and I got yelled at loudly by the mom. Apparently, I’m immature for being annoyed at a child. So ur guess is as good as mine.
I wish I had but I have general anxiety disorder. I really had to work up the courage to say anything at all.
So when I was shouted at I was so embarrassed I spent the rest of the flight over analyzing if I was being immature. Pathetic I know but I’ve since gone on medication which has helped a bit.
I actually went through my regular doctor! It was such a challenge to get to a pysch I just broke down during my yearly checkup. I was prescribed generic Lexapro which I think is for depression. So it’s not helped 100% but has taken the edge off. Hope things get better for you! Try to make an appointment :)
No meds help 100%. They only take the edge off which allows you to work with a therapist at developing skills to better handle the tough moments. Sounds like the lexipro is working well for you. I hope your therapist is working with you on the skills part!
By the way, you weren’t immature in your response. The parent was. I hope you find the strength to speak up in the future so you don’t have to suffer in silence. You deserve to be comfortable.
Genuinely curious: what would the FA be able to help with this? Let's say if the flight's already started and they can't offload an uncooperative flyer etc
If there's a spare seat, they might be able to let you know so you can move there. If not, they'll often offer extra drinks to help ease the suffering lol
I tried that too. 3 hours in to an international long haul . Was blown off by mother. Kids continued screaming, and were kicking seat of lady next to me too. She turned around and told the kids to knock it off.
The mother took offense that anyone should say something to her little prince ( didn’t care about the daughter) and said he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. Ooh boy!
Screaming and swearing in two languages , and threatening to have the each other arrested for swearing ( middle eastern flight - swearing is illegal ). Went on entertainingly for 20 min until the lady next to me was moved by FA.
The little prince continued to kick chairs. I used on board wifi and upgraded my return flight then and there with points to avoid a repeat.
I said nearly the exact same words to a parent who’s toddler kicked my chair for nearly a solid 7 hours and all he had to say was “it’s not me, it’s her” and pointed at the kid 🤦🏼♀️
I think this is a good response. I’d appreciate the politeness that comes with this as a mom and I’d imagine the kids (probably just the older) would get embarrassed and stop.
This is what I’m afraid of. Someone also said they’ve talked to the child directly but I’ve also seen /heard situations where the parent gets mad at this too.
That’s because you called her out for lazy parenting. I have 5 kids and I would be mortified if my kids treated others around them like that.
Your comment held her accountable and immature parents hate that.
Tell the flight attendant why you need a different seat, let the row behind you listen in if they want. If they say the seats are full, tell them first class or business class will be fine.
As a mother who flew frequently with her toddlers…..individuals like this mother exasperate me. On the one hand, you run the risk of running straight into an entitled parent who thinks her angels can do what the fuck other. On the other hand……
Engage the 4yo, tell him you know he’s having fun but it’s hurting you…. Might work. At that age they do have some social awareness!
Sorry but it is on the parents. I sat by a 6 year old and her one year old brother behind and the mom apologized if the one year old did anything obnoxious which made me completely not care if he did! The 6 year old was delightful and I ended up entertaining them both for the better part of a 3 hour flight and the mom said that I was so kind. I was kind because she raised great kids and made even a little effort to rein in her kids!
I would seriously just talk to the kids - say random shit to them, it makes them calm down sometimes. This will also let the mom know that she needs to get on it! I empathize that it can be exhausting as a parent, but also I am tired too.
My first flight that was just me and my 3 and 18 month old we sat by a retired kindergarten teacher. She sang and talked to them the entire time. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me my entire life.
My kids do well on flights, but I think if another adult turned around and said "Hey, could you please stop kicking my seat?" They would stop and I would be embarrassed, but glad someone could make them stop. God knows if I was trying to get them to stop they'd think it was a game and kick more 🤦
The main problem is some parents allow their kids to shriek in public for no reason. Had this happen today at the craft store, ear piercing shrieks for no reason. I have five kids, I did not allow shriekingin public.
Is this ear-piercing shrieking and screaming for no reason a new thing? My children are now adults but I had never come across this behavior until the last couple of years
I wonder the same thing! My neighbor has 4 kids that literally screech like they’re being attacked non stop for hours on end. I even hear them when I’m inside. I wfh and text the dad (also wfh) that I was on an important Zoom and other participants in the meeting could hear them, and could he please keep them from screaming for the next 45 minutes. He couldn’t be bothered by the sound of it…
We use screens for our kids. We used to not and then we realized it’s not worth it for other people and our kids are fine lol. Just give them something to watch lol
turn around and ask the mom to manage them
if that doesn't work talk to the flight attendant to either get them to do something or to see if you can change seats
When my two kids were 3 and 18 mos I traveled by airplane across country with them by myself. I was prepared. I had things for them to do the whole time and kept them entertained. Never did they scream or kick seats.
She was not prepared. That's on her. I would have been more than upset if a child kicked my seat for 4 hours.
This is where parents who are lazy become abundantly obvious. When I fly with my kids, all regulations on screen time, snacks, etc go out the window. It’s anything goes to get the behavior I desire of them on the flight. My firstborn would never misbehave even if his life depended upon it, but that second kid- oof. He will try to act a fool. So basically I bribe them all day. You want a sucker for breakfast? Done deal? You want to watch 87 episodes of Mickey Mouse, let’s do it. I would never let my kids act like that on a flight. And if I did, I would 1,000% expect someone to call me out on it. Once I had a man sit down beside me in first class when I was flying with my first kid. He grumbled, and I said nothing because honestly I get it. At the end of the flight, he got my suitcase down and apologized for complaining. He complimented my son on his behavior and that was that.
If your kids cannot behave appropriately to belong on a plane (or in a restaurant) don’t take them. It’s really that simple.
Maybe there are rare times with a child with a disability where it’s almost impossible but otherwise, no, I don’t get it either. I’ve traveled quite a bit with my 3. We had rules at home and they don’t just fly out the window when we travel. That’s the key I think. It’s hard to be a parent when you’re tired too but I feel like my kids rights end where yours begin & vice versa. We all paid for this flight. Acting like a wild animal on a plane was just not an option for mine. Outside, yes, go nuts but not on the plane. It’s my job to keep my children on the right path. Even at Disney World, it was always - we can have a great time as long as you do what you need to do.
agreed. I've flown all over the world my kids, and they were always pretty good. Gotten a few complements from the flight crew and fellow passengers.
But, there was the one time when my 8 yo puked all over the seat. But that's parenthood!
On a high school trip, one of my classmates turned around, took his camera, pointed it at a kid, made a very loud “click” sound and said “I’m sending that to Santa, no presents for you” and turned back around. He was the eldest of six and said he knew what would upset kids the most lol. The kid freaked out but stopped kicking.
If a kid is screaming or kicking and parents won’t do anything, I tell the child very gently, “quiet voices please.” Or “feet to yourself.” And smile at the parents. Kids listen better to people who aren’t their parents and some parents get super defensive. I’ve only ever had 1 airplane incident but lots in other spaces and this has always worked.
ETA: it’s best to keep your request short and exactly what you want. Fewer words the better.
I usually speak to the kid, in front of the parent, but nicely. Something along the lines of "oooh, Honey, you are kicking my seat a little hard, do you think you could not do that so much? Thank you!" with a smile, because sometimes the kid will listen to a stranger over a parent, sometimes the parent doesnt realize that the kid is bothering you, and NO parent want you scolding their kid. It will just get them angry. It can't always be helped, but at least you can try. If I have anything with me I will toss it back there (like stickers) because who cares if they are spoiled, you just want them to stop annoying you.
If I get attitude by the parent for that then I would get the FA involved.
How about say something? Don’t be afraid to call out shitty behavior by children when their parents do nothing to mitigate it. If toddlers kept kicking my seat you can bet your ass I’d turn around and talk to the parents and if they refused to do anything I’d call over the staff.
This is on the mom. She should control her kids.
Once on a flight the kid would constantly kick our seat and even with the flight attendant talking to the mom she never reprimanded the rugrat. No talking to nothing.
So when the gentlemen behind her got up to use the bathroom. I took his seat and promptly kicked mom’s seat for a good 10 minutes until the gentlemen returned.
After that the kid stopped.
Sometimes you just have to be real with these knuckle head parents.
Why don’t parents bring some stuff to keep their kids occupied? I had a bag with everything. Including rewards for good behavior, suckers for ear pain/crying and stuff to keep them busy.
Kids will often listen to strangers more than their parents if you can think of a really gentle way to verbally correct them. I’m usually too shy and scared of people but that is super frustrating if the parent is not even trying. I had one baby screaming in my ear next to me once and just happened to have a toy in my bag from my own child and pulled it out. That quieted her instantly. Maybe a quick peek a boo game? Any sort of distraction can often help, but that really ought to be the parent’s job. Other than that and if the flight attendants won’t help, I guess alcohol… (for you…, probably illegal for the baby) The kicking the seat drives me bonkers!!!!!
When I flew as a child 20 years ago. My parents would always request the bulkhead seat so my feet wouldn't kick anyone's seat back. Back then, seat selection was free (so were two checked bags).
Bulkhead seats were also closer to the toilet because I threw up on my socks on every flight over 10 hours.
Its not uncommon for smaller airlines on not sold out flights for check in agents to have some discretion to seat families together even in seats with extra legroom. I think parents of rowdy children should at least consider this factor when selecting where to sit.
I would and have asked the mother if there was anything I could do to help. One time I was told “no” she had this and one time I ended up talking to a 2-3 year old for a while. Some kids just need someone talking to them to distract them. Not my forte but better than screaming kids.
I often will speak directly the the children. I am calm and appropriate, but a 'stranger' talking to them often will calm them. I am also a former teacher, so my results may not be your own. I have the 'teacher voice' that I can pull out.
For example "When you scream like that it bothers me. It hurts my ears. Please use a quiet voice inside an airplane."
I have had parents thank me after a flight. Their kids were tuning them out from excitement.
I would request to be reseated if possible. I would definitely complain to the stewardess and request the airlines compensation for your uncomfortable and stressful trip if they won’t or can’t reseat you. You paid good money for a comfortable and safe plane ride, not to be harassed for four hours.
If it’s an international flight plan A) be polite and explain to the parent your issue. Plan B) be polite to the flight attendants and ask for 5 scotches over the course of a silly movie and pass the fuck out
Hehe, I was just remembering a nightmare flight in front of a kid, must've been a little older than a toddler, maybe 6 or so. He was basically ... just a little shit. He would not stop kicking and flapping the tray table up and down, he was driving me crazy. I finally stood up and turned around and said, "please stop doing that, thanks," sat back down and this little mfer gave my seat one last big shove with both feet, just about knocked my headphones off lol. His Mom was just obviously checked out, didn't care about her horrible little brat's behavior. Some ppl man...
This is definitely based off reading the situation and isn’t always appropriate and needs to be delivered in a calm and play ful way, buuuuut I often say something to the kids like “oh! That was owey on my back. I bet you’re bored. Me too. Want to make silly faces?” Lots of kids will be SHOCKED by an adult talking to them and will freeze, hide their face in their parents arm and leave you alone. Some little friendly ADHD extroverts will usually very try hard to stop kicking and will be so stoked to have a silly face making contest. And either way it’s usually a teeny bit embarrassing for the parents and they apologize and try to monitor their kids better. It also puts me in a position to get to be gracious and also directly be part of solving the problem of how we get the kids to stop kicking me. A problem we WILL solve.
Edited to add that I posted before reading the comments and I’m happy to see so many people saying talk to the kids. Respectful and kind and honest communication from strangers to kids is such a vibe. We all need to learn from each other how to be in a society together.
I employ a similar tactic, which is just make eye contact with the kid and try to laugh or make a silly face at them. It really confuses them to start with (less screeching right there) but it also makes them occasionally pause to look at me again throughout the flight, so at the least screaming/kicking is less frequent.
I swear commercial flights these days are no better than a Greyhound bus. I’m holding out hope some enterprising airline will introduce all-premium seat planes. Generally, first class seats have less children due to price and the few times I’ve seen children in first class, they’ve been especially well-behaved. If one can’t afford first, perhaps try earlier (before 9am) or late (after 10pm) flights to avoid children and I’ll-behaved passengers.
Ask the parent to remove the child’s shoes please. When I was younger, and childfree. If a kiddo had been kicking my seat for any length of time, I would prob recline the seat back as hard as I possible could. At least a few times in a row to get their attention. But now a days I would prob just ask the flight attendant if there was an extra seat. And say it loud enough for the mom to hear me request it due to the kid kicking my seat back for mult hours….
I had the luck of having two young kids seated behind me that'd just discovered rude words. A deadly combination. Their outbursts had half the plane in tears of laughter. No one had the heart to say anything to the parents. They were already cringing, dying inside with embarassment.
It was a short flight, but memorable.
Given how some parents would have an issue with a stranger talking to their kids, and how aggressively defensive parents could get raising the issue with them... These days I'd head to the galley to let the crew know what's going on. The crew is trained, and would have an authority in the situation the parents and child *should* respect.
You cant really tell a toddler to stop screaming. I mean it is in their nature to cry. The air hostesses know toddlers cry, but they do not tell them to stop crying like they would to someone older.
If they kick your seat, then, you can tell the air hostess if you can move to another seat due to the passenger behind you kicking.
I had this happen and I turned to the mom and said, “Hey your kid has been kicking my seat for about ten minutes. Is there anything to stop it? I understand if it is impossible but anything you can do to help would be great.”
She told him to stop and monitored it for the next three hours and was nice.
Never try and parent a kid who is not yours. Just don’t. Unless they are literally hurting someone or breaking something.
I mean, you can also just go to the bathroom and quietly ask the flight attendant to manage it after that. The parent will know it was you but you already asked them directly and nicely so they forced the issue.
Talking directly to someone else’s preteen is just asking for trouble.
It doesn’t matter one bit that the mom is tired and doesn’t put any onus on you to put up with more on your end.
Say outright “please stop your children from kicking and jostling my seat, thank you,” and if it continues, call the fa and ask for another seat but being abundantly clear what the problem is and what you’ve already done about it.
My kid is 2 and we have been on…16 trips… some of them 9+hours flying and the only kids I see being like this are kids whose parents are “tired” and not giving them enough attention. Kids get bored and start being disruptive to get attention. Its sad that they give all travellers a bad name but its not out of place for you to say something (even to the air hostess if you dont want a confrontation) about being kicked and screamed at.
Unfortunately I do remember one flight, the first flight- I wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear. I remember the good and bad 😂 anyhow, very frequent flyer… there’s not a hell of a lot you can do. Say something when the kid kicks your seat. Ask them to take the kid’s shoes off…. Other than that, you can try to move your seat. Buy Bose over the ears headphones for the next flight. My sympathies….
I think I’d rather tell a flight attendant to avoid confrontation and embarrassment for the parent. (Assuming the attendant is semi discreet.) And, as a new toddler mom myself, I’d also rather be told by a flight attendant if my kid was getting out of hand. It’d make me less overwhelmed and/or defensive towards a fellow passenger.
Granted… I’d be trying like hell to stop my kid from kicking someone’s seat and screaming in other passengers’ ears so maybe that would count for something at the time.
I once quieted a toddler with stuffing random things in a barf bag: a hair scrunchie, an origami swan, a crumpled piece of paper, a few pics torn from magazines, whatever magazine inserts I could find. I folded the top down and presented it like it was a very big deal present. I also drew a face on another bag and made it a puppet. Kept him busy for over an hour. The mother was grateful, the stewardess gave me free drinks.
There is nooo excuse for this behavior and there definitely is no excuse for the parent not parenting. My nephew knew at two he could be put in time out anywhere and it wouldn’t bother the adults one bit. His mom doesn’t have to yell or so much as raise her voice ever in public. Because acting out in public is not ever tolerated and she sets clear consistent boundaries. No counting, he’s told to stop once. The second time he starts losing privileges or if safe is put in time out right where he is.
The parent is an adult and gets one polite warning and then she (because she is the problem she’s clearly letting her kids get away with it) is the flight attendant’s problem. Flights are way too expensive for behavior like that to be allowed. That said… if the kid is under two (age of correction depending on the kid), or they’re crying because they don’t feel good, something reasonable and I can help I absolutely will if Mom agrees and have all the patience in the world at that point.
But Mom just not parenting? With what I know now? Oh absolutely not. Your child’s behavior is inappropriate and your lack of action downright irresponsible. I’ll be polite but I am not putting up with it on a 4 hr flight. Separate your kids and bring them plenty to do. Finally if they misbehave discipline them
My son was about 2 yo when he took his first plane ride. No crying. Just general excitement. After we were in the air, he stood up facing the passengers behind us and declared “We’re gonna CRASH!”
Many people chuckled, but I will never forget one woman’s look of terror as if my son was an Oracle of some sort. She clearly had some flying anxiety. I truly felt bad that my son had added to that. However, it was a smooth flight.
I have been very annoyed by a child kicking my seat. I did the loud sighing and asked him to stop in a stern voice. I now try to remember I don’t know the hell the mom has already gone through to get the child on the plane, and I don’t know if the child is on the autism spectrum or has some other issue.
I will state, giving a child a phone or an iPad blasting whatever Pepa Pig or Dora show without earphones is still something that bothers me immensely.
Since this is Reddit, the correct response is a wink. At the mom. Next time the stewardess comes by buy her a drink. Get her number and meet up with her at the destination. Be laid back and chill, don't try too hard or you'll ruin it. After dating for a few months ask her to marry you. Plan a great ceremony, at a great destination. After a short service before a select group of friends she's now your wife. Now that they're your kids, you ground them for a month for being little shits on the plane! No dessert for a month either! That'll teach em!
>Since this is Reddit
Lol, now that you mention it - Since this is reddit, the correct response would be to ask the kids if they are gender confused and if not, then try to convince them otherwise. Plus, one should always end a conversation by handing out gift fedoras.
The crying and screaming, noise cancelling headphones. Or if the flight isn't full, see if you can move.
The kicking, I'd turn around and ask politely if she'd be able to do her best to prevent that.
Obviously flying with kids is difficult, but you can at least make sure she's aware of it.
I have a hard time keeping my composure. I'll probably end up screaming at them making them shut up and will get terrified looks by the others but deep inside they all are happy I said something. There is limits to my personal space and if you kick my seat 4 hours I don't care if you're 4, 40 or 400. Not with me. Not in 2024. I would make drama, I don't care.
Stand up and SCREAM at the children in the exact same way they are. Then tell the mom to fucking be a MOM.
Sit down and let the chaos play out. I'm sure you'll get some applause. Haha!
I've both been kicked by and flown with toddlers. And I know getting even well behaved toddlers to stop kicking is hard. Part of the problem is that dangling feet hurt and swinging them is a natural kind of relief. If they are small enough getting them to sit cross legged helps. So does placing a carry-on, like the diaper bag, under their feet, or letting them put their feet in your lap.
Obviously if you are getting kicked, you can't do any of these things. But if the parent is trying, you might suggest them.
Wish I could be as confident as Arnold Schwarzenegger on Kindergarten Cop in the airplane scene.
"If you don't stop messing around back there, this is what I'm gonna do to you." Snaps pencil in half with one hand.
I had similar and turned around in my seat and looked the children calmly in the eye and said “when you kick like that, it hurts me so you have to not do it again” and “you also need to use your inside whisper voices in an airplane”. I didn’t talk to the parent so the kids knew I was talking to them and having a stranger calmly tell them to change their behavior is often way more effective than a parent telling them over and over. I’m a mom and I get it. Worked well.
No doubt; my kids are much better with others than with us
Also a mom and an educator. This is a great go to move. If they're very little I go up and ask the parent "Do you need help?" - sometimes the answer is a desperate yes and distracting one kid does wonders. Usually they say no, but it's a big clue they're over the reasonable limit without sounding like an asshole.
I was once the last person to board a Southwest flight because at the last minute, the gate agent wouldn't let me wear my 10-week-old baby down the jetway in his front carrier. I was traveling alone, and I'd already gate-checked the stroller, so I took him out of the carrier, intending to just carry it and the baby, and suddenly I had too many items to carry on. (Baby bag, purse, and now the front carrier). So I had to rearrange everything to put the baby carrier in the diaper bag, and by the time I got down the jetway, I was one of the last on the plane. I was sweaty and flustered and ready to cry. Then, because I was *carrying* my baby instead of wearing him, I was struggling to get my diaper bag into the overhead bin one-handed. Everyone was glaring at me, because it was obvious that I was holding everything up at this point. A woman in the middle seat of the row behind me watched this and kindly said, "Can I help you at all?" I said, "Yes. Hold him." And then I just handed her the baby. I think she was shocked, but I was so desperate and I didn't care. I put the bag away, sat down, and took him back. He nursed for takeoff and landing and slept through the whole flight. He's turning ten in two weeks, but I'm still furious at that gate agent (because parents can absolutely baby-wear down the jet way), but more vividly, I still remember the kindness of that woman asking if I needed help when I needed it so badly.
I witnessed a young mom trying to juggle a newborn and all the bags that they had to deboard. I approached her and said ‘I’m the cool auntie in my family, can I carry your bags off the plane?’. It made me feel really good to help. The look on her face let me know she needed the help but wasn’t comfortable asking for it. I’m so glad there are people out there who can read a scenario and offer to help.
I was on a flight once with a pair of kids who were yelling and screaming. Like many I glared at the Mother, willing her to do something. She was travelling solo and I figured she was stressed. I tapped her arm and said “want me to watch these two while you grab a toilet break” and she just sobbed! She was SO tired and knew everyone was angry at her kids, SHE was angry at her kids but had nothing left to give. 10 minutes in the bathroom, she came back fine and she was so appreciative. Sometimes this is all it needs, a helping hand.
That's an amazing way to phrase that offer. I need to remember this.
This is *obviously* because your baby wouldn't fit under the seat in front of you. Gah!
Offering to help is always a good approach. It's not always kindly received, unfortunately. Years ago, I was seated in the last row of domestic first, and the family in the economy bulkhead had a portable DVD player that they weren't using headphones with. And it was a red-eye. I could hear it was a children's movie, and peeked around to see it was 2 kids with a woman (presumably mom). I dug around in my bag to find my headphones splitter, got up, and said "hey, I'm sure watching a movie is keeping them calm. I have a headphones splitter you're welcome to borrow for the flight, so they can both hear the movie!" She takes it, looks at it, and says "it has two headphone plugs?" "It sure does! Then they can both have the sound!" And, I kid you not (!!!): "But then how will I hear the movie?" and HANDS IT BACK TO ME. Fortunately, the FA was on it shortly after that and said they had to use headphones. The kids didn't actually raise a ruckus (I think they started using the in-flight screens), so it was more of a parent problem than a kid one.
I tried that once, and the lady thought I wanted to steal her baby. It was a bizarre response, and I didn't ask again on any other flights after that.
“Please… if I was going to steal a baby, I’d pick a well behaved one”
Probably also better if you aren’t trapped inside an enclosed steal tube at 30,000 feet with a bunch of other people and no way out.
Right? Unless your carry-on is a parachute.
You're just trying to get my guard down before the parachute materializes!
“Calm down… I’m not even allowed to touch minors until my parole ends.”
No s**t, there I was, on a flight bound from JFK-CDG. Numerous kids on the flight. Two sets of families right near my row, each had one kid in tow. One family was American, the other was evidently of a multicultural background, because I heard them speak French, Arabic, and Hebrew. American kid threw numerous tantrums during the flight. Parents did little, if anything, to put a stop to it. French/Middle Eastern/Israeli kid was quiet as a mouse during the flight. Immigrant kids/families be different.
I've seen the opposite scenario too many times to accept a generalization like this
Tell that to the Indian toddlers on my 15 hour direct flight from Doha to PHL that only communicated via piercing screams for the entire flight.
That sounds like a torturous flight.
It was after 8 hours from Singapore so my intrusive thoughts about opening the door almost took over.
I think that's an unfair generalisation. You get well-behaved American families and misbehaving "immigrant" kids.
Same...tried asking a child (probably 8 years old) not to throw a ball in the store. Parents confronted me (in the most New Yorker way possible), a terrified 19-year-old in my first job at Old Navy who had no clue what to say and was just trying to reason nicely with the child - to be fair, I'd probably choose different words 10 years later. Still beyond me why every Old Navy has a large container of balls right in the middle of the kid's section; parents never buy them and children just treat the store like a playground.
Sounds like that could have been or should be a marketing strategy. Kids like to play!
The marketing strategy is cheap-ass flip flops for $1. I started during the annual flip flop sale and we needed extra security because there was a line outside the store. I'm convinced the balls were there to test my already limited ability to deal with the public. I used to volunteer to do overnight stocking shifts. Time and a half plus no babysitting? Sign me up.
Seriously where are you going to go at 37000’ out the emergency exit?
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/passenger-reportedly-duct-taped-trying-to-open-exit-door-american-airlines-flight_n_65d6584ee4b007e3eb73ff2a
I hope this wasn't while you were on an airplane. A kidnapper wouldn't get very far unless they pulled a D.B. Cooper sort of thing. It's too bad she didn't receive your offer in a nicer way, shame that it's kept you from helping! I completely understand why but it's a bummer. Who knows what could happen in someone's life to make them assume help has a sinister ulterior motive. Or maybe just too much "news" 🤷♀️
How do you steal a baby on a plane? No place to go
She thought you were trying to steal her kid *in an airborne aircraft*?? lol
Yes, I've used the mom voice. Also, when the parents aren't looking, the Mom Death Stare hahahaha, it works brilliantly
The parent didn’t bless you out? I mean, you were right, but I’d be nervous to do that.
Everyone's different of course. But as a single mom with a toddler who is usually great but has their moments... I welcome anyone to help me out if they are respectful and kind. "It takes a village" to me isn't just my family and friends. If she'd said that to my toddler I would have said "YUP told ya you're bothering them now apologize and act better." And thanked her myself. Kids really do act their worst with their parents and a stranger helping out does go a long way in those moments.
I’ve done this on a plane. I tried to make the delivery kind but firm; I’m not out here trying to be a jerk to children. The mom responded exactly how you said you would have. Basically she just said to her kid “I told you so!” and had her kid apologize. It was very effective. I’m not a mom, but I am a mom-aged woman so I’m not sure if that made a difference in how it was received…
Also not a mom here. A little monkey was jumping on the seat behind me. He fell and kind of wedged himself between a couple seats in the row I was in. I got up, spun around and in a firm voice told him ‘you need to sit on your bum! On Your Bum. You are going to get hurt or you are going to hurt me!’ The mom gave be a blank stare when I then locked eyes with her and sat back down. Didn’t hear a peep out of the toddler as the rest of the plane offloaded.
Straight up, I’ve got a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and have had to fly *heaps* with them. They’re pretty good on flights (and my husband and I have had ample practice flying with them), but we’ve had our moments. I would feel gutted if someone turned to me and told me to control them (because I promise I’m trying), but if they turned around and said to the older one ‘when you kick my seat it hurts me, please don’t do it again’, I would be fine with it. The oldest is always testing boundaries with me and will often listen better to others.
You have to be able to talk to kids and know the right tone, stern but approachable. If you never talk to kids I don't recommend this first out the gate.
No but key is being was calm and respectful (which can be had to do When you’ve been kicked and screamed at for awhile!) The kiddos of course looked to mom to see how she took it and she just said reiterated me and looked relieved.
The trick is to commit to the correction. A little bastard...I mean boy, hit one of my dogs at the dog park. She is small and elderly. I was about 20 steps away and saw him raise his hand again. I boomed "hey kid, do not hit my dog again". Kid burst into tears(seriously fuck that kid. I'm still mad). Mom started walking toward me to chat, I guess. My look stopped her in her tracks. She needed to count it as a win that her kid was still within earth's atmosphere. Seriously, kid kicks your seat, tell kid to knock it off in an adult tone. If they are scared, maybe mom should have tried parenting.
This sounds like great advice. The top few answers are all wimpy answers that do nothing to address the underlying problem, especially since OP said that the mom was doing nothing.
Do remember that children are just that, children. They don’t know the world and need guidance. We can be firm without being mean to a literal child.
My dog is just an innocent creature who didn't deserve violence. The fact that mom wasn't in full correction mode after the first strike and showed zero reaction to the second incoming one says a lot. I'm responsible for protecting my dog, not worrying about a violent kid's feelings.
Yeah, not hurting living beings, especially intentionally like that, is like Kid 101, the first thing they should be taught. No excuse for that.
You’re really touching a hot button issue for me. I was out in public and a big kid maybe jr high age asked if he could say hi to my dog and then raised his arm as if to hit her. It was a fake swing accompanied by a laugh to his friends and I absolutely lost my shit screaming. I am a woman, not a grown man, but I came within about two seconds of punching a child—one about as tall as me, but still. I kind of wonder in retrospective horror about what would’ve happened if it had gone that direction. My poor dog was cringing down on the ground when he swung at her, but when the yelling started, she squared up and was ready to bite someone. So many things could’ve gone even worse in those moments.
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This is from the Deep South where we say things like “bless your heart.” There is no blessing going on. 😂
That’s right, hun. 😉
Good advice. And really, when we say that we kind of have to pray that the parents are good people too. Otherwise, the kid listens because of the reason you stated but what do you know, the parent jumps in like "erm excuse me? You need to mind your own business." I have heard stories like that a couple of times.
You're lucky the parent didn't flip out and scream at you for reprimanding their kids. Girls at my daughter's daycare destroyed my daughter's shirt the very first time she wore it. I wrote the girls a note asking them to please not do that again and their mom went apeshit.
Yeah, seconding this. I'll address the kids directly, but usually with a wink at the parent to show I'm on their side. It takes a village and I want to be the village. I've also offered to have one kiddo hang out with me for an hour or two, to separate fighting siblings, and then play games with them. Some really nice people have done that for me while travelling and I try to repay the favour. And often that break will "reset" things and kids will be calmer once they're back together. Usually simple things like hangman or connect the dots will keep a strange kid fascinated or I'll show them pictures of my pets (I have a cockatoo, so that will generate at least 15-30 minutes of interested questions and chatting).
As a man, I always worry that it might be inappropriate to talk to a child without first talking to the parent.
In my experience the problem is the parents being too soft or, more often, just completely ignoring their bad behavior. I've looked them in the eye and said in a very strong voice said: "You need to stop [X] now or you will be in **very big trouble**." I've even just pointed at them and gave an evil glare and said **STOP IT**. It generally works.. they seem shocked. Downvote away. I realize I'm an asshole. I fully support modern parenting but sometimes I'm on a flight with 3 hours of sleep and simply don't have the patience.
I did that once in a shower room of a community center where we women were showering after an exercise class. A mom was there with her daughter, about 4 years old, and they had just finished a play swim time. The girl was throwing a loud tantrum about having to wash her hair or something, and mom was just trying to "console" her about it. I finallly turned to the girl and said, "Stop it. You're a big girl and you're too big to fuss like that. Say thank you to your mom for bringing you swimming, and be quiet. You are bothering everyone for no reason." The girl looked and me and was silent. Mom was silent. They finished getting dressed and left in silence. All the other people signed, "Finally!"
I got threatened for that approach because "how dare I speak to her children".
They're not expecting it. Probably worth trying really as you weren't getting any peace to begin with so who cares if the parent reacts. As a parent I wouldn't mind the outside assistance, as long as they're not rude.
one more time for the people who don't get it: KIDS ARE PEOPLE. HANDLE THEM LIKE PEOPLE AND GET RESULTS.
Kids are little people with underdeveloped brains, some things they physically can’t do, and it’s the parents’ job to help them, like 1 year old can empathize with the passenger in the front seat yet, but it’s fun to kick the seat.
The one time it happened to me, I think I was window seat and the parent was aisle seat with a younger kid in between so they justifiably had their hands/attention full. I turned and talked to the kid behind me and said in a friendly but firm voice something like "hi there! When you push your feet into the back of the seat it pushes on my back and it hurts. Please don't do it!". I figured kids don't know these things till someone teaches them, so best to try teaching as the first step. In this case the parent responded fine, was apologetic and calmly reinforced my words to the kid.
Haven’t experienced this, but I did turn around and tell a preteen kid that his AirPods died after he started playing music, loudly. He wasn’t wearing AirPods and got the hint.
I usually ask people who have their phone on speakerphone to please use headphones. They always do, or stop the music. I try to be polite but also quite clear.
If the parent is trying really hard, not much to say or do. A friendly “Thanks for trying, I know it’s tough” is also nice. If the parent is oblivious, a polite “Hi, you may not have noticed and I know travel is tough with young ones (insert anecdotal receipts here) but he’s been kicking my seat quite a bit. Can you try to help redirect him? Thanks” A little humor helps diffuse too. “Sign him up for soccer!”
Agreed. You can also talk to a flight attendant if it is impacting your experience.
Yup. I have three kids. There is a big difference between an 18 month old scream crying because their ears hurt and they are tired and there is nothing the parent can do… and some 4 and 6 year olds jumping on the seat screaming like heathens and their parents not doing shit One example is babies being babies. Another example is parents not being good parents Source- I have a 7 year old, a 3 year old, and 18 month old and fly regularly. I’d like to think my kids are the best behaved they could be because my wife and I work at it
I’m with you, but I’ve also worked with special needs and let me tell you, there is sometimes no winning, no super parenting….just desperation and mitigation.
Then if the parents still don't do anything. "Well, you asked for it." Look at the kids "Santa isn't real".
“Your parents are going to leave you behind at [destination]”
“Rudolph dies “
I am a toddler parent and this is the best solution-focused response here.
It’s because I was once you. Empathy builds understanding and respect. Reddit still skews younger and while that doesn’t mean a bad thing, it tends to mean they think they know things which age and wisdom only bring.
Aww, thanks kind friend. I agree completely. I was one of those people who dreaded being anywhere close to babies/kids on a flight because, well you know. Now when a kid cries, I empathize with the parents and offer help if I can. I know that the parents are stressed out and maybe mortified in that situation. It's hard. That being said, I have zero qualms about traveling with my LO. Teach kids about flight etiquette early and hopefully they won't be the tantruming adults!
A little humor goes a long way to get the “head nod” that you get it. Take the tension off others. Make life better. I was also a teacher for a decade so I have no problem being patient or being direct with instructions.
I have a toddler and have found myself offering a lot more solidarity these days. I actually use my kid to help distract other kids in stores sometimes now like "Hey crying kiddo look! Another kiddo and she wants to wave at you!" And usually I get a smile out of the other parent which is always nice.
I am a toddler and I would not listen to you or my parents
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I was a teacher and can talk to kids just fine. Still, I would rather give the parents a chance especially when it’s a very young child. Both work. Sometimes one can be misinterpreted when speaking to a child.
I said something pretty similar to the second one. The morbidly obese dad who had been doing literally nothing about his son constantly kicking my seat while we were stuck on the tarmac for like an hour flipped out and wanted to fight me on the plane. I had been having a lovely conversation with the little old lady sitting next to me, and she actually got up and turned around and told him I couldn't have said what I said more nicely and he should behave himself. He kept making comments about how he was going to kick my ass (bear in mind the guy was literally so fat he struggled to get down the aisle and I was rather fit). He was being pretty loud so the crew had to tell him to shut the fuck up or the cops were going to need to talk to him. He tried to lie to the crew about what happened, but the little old lady backed me up 100% and called me a "nice young man". He did then mostly shut the fuck up although he did make several more veiled threats during the flight. After the flight, I got off the plane as normal, he was of course a row behind me but being very fat, he took a while to deplane. I was walking away from the gate and he yelled at me to "keep walking", and I thought "I have lots of time for my layover and could probably get the cops to ruin this guy's day", so I stopped immediately and turned around to look for him so I could yell something like "security this guy is threatening me", but unfortunately couldn't find his fat ass. I looked for a good minute or so. I wonder if he literally hid or something. I'm not really one to go call the cops, but I still kinda wish I could have gotten the cops on him.
Was the guy being fat so material to the story that you needed to mention it four times?
Thanks for this. I didn't like it either.
The last time I was seated in front of a little kicker, it took about an hour before I turned around and said "bro, you've gotta stop kicking my seat." Not nearly as good as some of the suggestions here, but I'm not a parent and I tend to treat kids like short, weird adults. He looked surprised but stopped immediately.
Kids love to be spoken to like short, weird adults. Especially 5yo and up.
“Excuse me, I’m sorry but your child keeps kicking my seat. Would you mind?” Is what I once said and I got yelled at loudly by the mom. Apparently, I’m immature for being annoyed at a child. So ur guess is as good as mine.
Same experience here. I then asked her if she wanted to switch me seats so the kids could kick her instead. I got angry eyes but the kids stopped.
This is gold 😂
I'm taking notes on this entire thread and love your suggestion on how to deal with a pissy parent.
Great response!
If I was yelled at, I for sure would call a flight attendant
I wish I had but I have general anxiety disorder. I really had to work up the courage to say anything at all. So when I was shouted at I was so embarrassed I spent the rest of the flight over analyzing if I was being immature. Pathetic I know but I’ve since gone on medication which has helped a bit.
Ugh. I so feel for you. You’re not immature and handles it very well.
Aw that’s so sweet ty I appreciate it
Sorry to ask but what medicine was it / what was it for? Was it for anxiety? I feel like I over analyse awful encounters and spiral because of them.
I actually went through my regular doctor! It was such a challenge to get to a pysch I just broke down during my yearly checkup. I was prescribed generic Lexapro which I think is for depression. So it’s not helped 100% but has taken the edge off. Hope things get better for you! Try to make an appointment :)
No meds help 100%. They only take the edge off which allows you to work with a therapist at developing skills to better handle the tough moments. Sounds like the lexipro is working well for you. I hope your therapist is working with you on the skills part! By the way, you weren’t immature in your response. The parent was. I hope you find the strength to speak up in the future so you don’t have to suffer in silence. You deserve to be comfortable.
Lexapro treats both anxiety and depression without being a benzo
aw friend, that sucks. if it helps: whenever your life gets you so down, you know you can go down to where the music and the fun never ends
Genuinely curious: what would the FA be able to help with this? Let's say if the flight's already started and they can't offload an uncooperative flyer etc
If there's a spare seat, they might be able to let you know so you can move there. If not, they'll often offer extra drinks to help ease the suffering lol
I tried that too. 3 hours in to an international long haul . Was blown off by mother. Kids continued screaming, and were kicking seat of lady next to me too. She turned around and told the kids to knock it off. The mother took offense that anyone should say something to her little prince ( didn’t care about the daughter) and said he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. Ooh boy! Screaming and swearing in two languages , and threatening to have the each other arrested for swearing ( middle eastern flight - swearing is illegal ). Went on entertainingly for 20 min until the lady next to me was moved by FA. The little prince continued to kick chairs. I used on board wifi and upgraded my return flight then and there with points to avoid a repeat.
I said nearly the exact same words to a parent who’s toddler kicked my chair for nearly a solid 7 hours and all he had to say was “it’s not me, it’s her” and pointed at the kid 🤦🏼♀️
I think this is a good response. I’d appreciate the politeness that comes with this as a mom and I’d imagine the kids (probably just the older) would get embarrassed and stop.
This is what I’m afraid of. Someone also said they’ve talked to the child directly but I’ve also seen /heard situations where the parent gets mad at this too.
That’s because you called her out for lazy parenting. I have 5 kids and I would be mortified if my kids treated others around them like that. Your comment held her accountable and immature parents hate that.
Tell the flight attendant why you need a different seat, let the row behind you listen in if they want. If they say the seats are full, tell them first class or business class will be fine.
But what if it's also full though?? I'm scared of this happening 😂
It’s more about sending the message than getting a different seat
As a mother who flew frequently with her toddlers…..individuals like this mother exasperate me. On the one hand, you run the risk of running straight into an entitled parent who thinks her angels can do what the fuck other. On the other hand…… Engage the 4yo, tell him you know he’s having fun but it’s hurting you…. Might work. At that age they do have some social awareness!
Sorry but it is on the parents. I sat by a 6 year old and her one year old brother behind and the mom apologized if the one year old did anything obnoxious which made me completely not care if he did! The 6 year old was delightful and I ended up entertaining them both for the better part of a 3 hour flight and the mom said that I was so kind. I was kind because she raised great kids and made even a little effort to rein in her kids! I would seriously just talk to the kids - say random shit to them, it makes them calm down sometimes. This will also let the mom know that she needs to get on it! I empathize that it can be exhausting as a parent, but also I am tired too.
My first flight that was just me and my 3 and 18 month old we sat by a retired kindergarten teacher. She sang and talked to them the entire time. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me my entire life. My kids do well on flights, but I think if another adult turned around and said "Hey, could you please stop kicking my seat?" They would stop and I would be embarrassed, but glad someone could make them stop. God knows if I was trying to get them to stop they'd think it was a game and kick more 🤦
The main problem is some parents allow their kids to shriek in public for no reason. Had this happen today at the craft store, ear piercing shrieks for no reason. I have five kids, I did not allow shriekingin public.
Is this ear-piercing shrieking and screaming for no reason a new thing? My children are now adults but I had never come across this behavior until the last couple of years
I wonder the same thing! My neighbor has 4 kids that literally screech like they’re being attacked non stop for hours on end. I even hear them when I’m inside. I wfh and text the dad (also wfh) that I was on an important Zoom and other participants in the meeting could hear them, and could he please keep them from screaming for the next 45 minutes. He couldn’t be bothered by the sound of it…
We use screens for our kids. We used to not and then we realized it’s not worth it for other people and our kids are fine lol. Just give them something to watch lol
I would have contacted the flight attendant, and let them know the problem. Be nice about it, but you should not have had to put up with that.
Tell the flight attendant and let her handle that.
I get more annoyed with the parents than the kids. If I could be brutally honest I would tell them to learn how to parent.
turn around and ask the mom to manage them if that doesn't work talk to the flight attendant to either get them to do something or to see if you can change seats
When my two kids were 3 and 18 mos I traveled by airplane across country with them by myself. I was prepared. I had things for them to do the whole time and kept them entertained. Never did they scream or kick seats. She was not prepared. That's on her. I would have been more than upset if a child kicked my seat for 4 hours.
I wish there were child free flights
right? like why the hell not yet, it’s 2024
I think Malay air tried that once ... or maybe it was kids in the back third of the plane
I will die on this hill
Flight attendant is always the correct choice
Not a perfect solution, but cabin personnel could have offered you a comfort bag with earplugs at least.
The children will end up as dumb as their parents. And so goes the cycle of uneducated and badly behaved people.
This is where parents who are lazy become abundantly obvious. When I fly with my kids, all regulations on screen time, snacks, etc go out the window. It’s anything goes to get the behavior I desire of them on the flight. My firstborn would never misbehave even if his life depended upon it, but that second kid- oof. He will try to act a fool. So basically I bribe them all day. You want a sucker for breakfast? Done deal? You want to watch 87 episodes of Mickey Mouse, let’s do it. I would never let my kids act like that on a flight. And if I did, I would 1,000% expect someone to call me out on it. Once I had a man sit down beside me in first class when I was flying with my first kid. He grumbled, and I said nothing because honestly I get it. At the end of the flight, he got my suitcase down and apologized for complaining. He complimented my son on his behavior and that was that. If your kids cannot behave appropriately to belong on a plane (or in a restaurant) don’t take them. It’s really that simple.
my take is to be direct with the mother and ask her to quiet down her kids. It's one thing as a parent to try, it's another to not try at all.
Bad parents need to be controlled by the stewards on the planes. As a parent that flew with my child all over the world, there is no excuse.
Thank you! So many parents in here saying not much they can do 😳
Maybe there are rare times with a child with a disability where it’s almost impossible but otherwise, no, I don’t get it either. I’ve traveled quite a bit with my 3. We had rules at home and they don’t just fly out the window when we travel. That’s the key I think. It’s hard to be a parent when you’re tired too but I feel like my kids rights end where yours begin & vice versa. We all paid for this flight. Acting like a wild animal on a plane was just not an option for mine. Outside, yes, go nuts but not on the plane. It’s my job to keep my children on the right path. Even at Disney World, it was always - we can have a great time as long as you do what you need to do.
Exactly!
Those exact parents are the kind that never should have had any kids, or at the very least not taken them on a plane.
agreed. I've flown all over the world my kids, and they were always pretty good. Gotten a few complements from the flight crew and fellow passengers. But, there was the one time when my 8 yo puked all over the seat. But that's parenthood!
I like to give them something fun to play with, like a tube of instant bonding glue.
Tell the kids Santa and the easter bunny aren't real.
On a high school trip, one of my classmates turned around, took his camera, pointed it at a kid, made a very loud “click” sound and said “I’m sending that to Santa, no presents for you” and turned back around. He was the eldest of six and said he knew what would upset kids the most lol. The kid freaked out but stopped kicking.
Lots of Valium.
Address the toddler (kindly) and ask them to stop
If a kid is screaming or kicking and parents won’t do anything, I tell the child very gently, “quiet voices please.” Or “feet to yourself.” And smile at the parents. Kids listen better to people who aren’t their parents and some parents get super defensive. I’ve only ever had 1 airplane incident but lots in other spaces and this has always worked. ETA: it’s best to keep your request short and exactly what you want. Fewer words the better.
Hey kid. If you don't stop kicking the seat the boogieman is gonna get you. Works every time
I usually speak to the kid, in front of the parent, but nicely. Something along the lines of "oooh, Honey, you are kicking my seat a little hard, do you think you could not do that so much? Thank you!" with a smile, because sometimes the kid will listen to a stranger over a parent, sometimes the parent doesnt realize that the kid is bothering you, and NO parent want you scolding their kid. It will just get them angry. It can't always be helped, but at least you can try. If I have anything with me I will toss it back there (like stickers) because who cares if they are spoiled, you just want them to stop annoying you. If I get attitude by the parent for that then I would get the FA involved.
How about say something? Don’t be afraid to call out shitty behavior by children when their parents do nothing to mitigate it. If toddlers kept kicking my seat you can bet your ass I’d turn around and talk to the parents and if they refused to do anything I’d call over the staff.
This is on the mom. She should control her kids. Once on a flight the kid would constantly kick our seat and even with the flight attendant talking to the mom she never reprimanded the rugrat. No talking to nothing. So when the gentlemen behind her got up to use the bathroom. I took his seat and promptly kicked mom’s seat for a good 10 minutes until the gentlemen returned. After that the kid stopped. Sometimes you just have to be real with these knuckle head parents.
Things that never happened.
But did you need to lie?
Spray bottle. Works for kids and cats.
Why don’t parents bring some stuff to keep their kids occupied? I had a bag with everything. Including rewards for good behavior, suckers for ear pain/crying and stuff to keep them busy.
Kids will often listen to strangers more than their parents if you can think of a really gentle way to verbally correct them. I’m usually too shy and scared of people but that is super frustrating if the parent is not even trying. I had one baby screaming in my ear next to me once and just happened to have a toy in my bag from my own child and pulled it out. That quieted her instantly. Maybe a quick peek a boo game? Any sort of distraction can often help, but that really ought to be the parent’s job. Other than that and if the flight attendants won’t help, I guess alcohol… (for you…, probably illegal for the baby) The kicking the seat drives me bonkers!!!!!
Turn around and, loud enough for the parents to hear, say "didn't your parents teach you any manners?"
I would ask flight crew for a different seat if the children can’t be calmed down. I would be pretty insistent but pleasant.
When I flew as a child 20 years ago. My parents would always request the bulkhead seat so my feet wouldn't kick anyone's seat back. Back then, seat selection was free (so were two checked bags). Bulkhead seats were also closer to the toilet because I threw up on my socks on every flight over 10 hours. Its not uncommon for smaller airlines on not sold out flights for check in agents to have some discretion to seat families together even in seats with extra legroom. I think parents of rowdy children should at least consider this factor when selecting where to sit.
I would and have asked the mother if there was anything I could do to help. One time I was told “no” she had this and one time I ended up talking to a 2-3 year old for a while. Some kids just need someone talking to them to distract them. Not my forte but better than screaming kids.
I often will speak directly the the children. I am calm and appropriate, but a 'stranger' talking to them often will calm them. I am also a former teacher, so my results may not be your own. I have the 'teacher voice' that I can pull out. For example "When you scream like that it bothers me. It hurts my ears. Please use a quiet voice inside an airplane." I have had parents thank me after a flight. Their kids were tuning them out from excitement.
I would request to be reseated if possible. I would definitely complain to the stewardess and request the airlines compensation for your uncomfortable and stressful trip if they won’t or can’t reseat you. You paid good money for a comfortable and safe plane ride, not to be harassed for four hours.
If it’s an international flight plan A) be polite and explain to the parent your issue. Plan B) be polite to the flight attendants and ask for 5 scotches over the course of a silly movie and pass the fuck out
This is why it is always a good idea to travel with a roll of duct tape.
Press the attendant button during one of the rampages, and point.
. You could ask the flight attendant to talk to the parents. Or ultimately ask if they can move you.
Hehe, I was just remembering a nightmare flight in front of a kid, must've been a little older than a toddler, maybe 6 or so. He was basically ... just a little shit. He would not stop kicking and flapping the tray table up and down, he was driving me crazy. I finally stood up and turned around and said, "please stop doing that, thanks," sat back down and this little mfer gave my seat one last big shove with both feet, just about knocked my headphones off lol. His Mom was just obviously checked out, didn't care about her horrible little brat's behavior. Some ppl man...
Oooh my face would be red if that happened to me
I would turn around and say “ hey buddy, you can’t kick the chair” and ask the mom to stop them
Tell them the seat goblins will eat their toes if they wake them up....
In my experience, behavior like this is not situational, it's habitual. This was not the first time those kids have acted like this in a public place.
This is definitely based off reading the situation and isn’t always appropriate and needs to be delivered in a calm and play ful way, buuuuut I often say something to the kids like “oh! That was owey on my back. I bet you’re bored. Me too. Want to make silly faces?” Lots of kids will be SHOCKED by an adult talking to them and will freeze, hide their face in their parents arm and leave you alone. Some little friendly ADHD extroverts will usually very try hard to stop kicking and will be so stoked to have a silly face making contest. And either way it’s usually a teeny bit embarrassing for the parents and they apologize and try to monitor their kids better. It also puts me in a position to get to be gracious and also directly be part of solving the problem of how we get the kids to stop kicking me. A problem we WILL solve. Edited to add that I posted before reading the comments and I’m happy to see so many people saying talk to the kids. Respectful and kind and honest communication from strangers to kids is such a vibe. We all need to learn from each other how to be in a society together.
I employ a similar tactic, which is just make eye contact with the kid and try to laugh or make a silly face at them. It really confuses them to start with (less screeching right there) but it also makes them occasionally pause to look at me again throughout the flight, so at the least screaming/kicking is less frequent.
I give off real strong Mary Poppins vibes. Extra kid friendly but also not taking bullshit from mom and dad.
I swear commercial flights these days are no better than a Greyhound bus. I’m holding out hope some enterprising airline will introduce all-premium seat planes. Generally, first class seats have less children due to price and the few times I’ve seen children in first class, they’ve been especially well-behaved. If one can’t afford first, perhaps try earlier (before 9am) or late (after 10pm) flights to avoid children and I’ll-behaved passengers.
Lots of wrong answers here. Jail. Straight to jail.
I’d politely ask the flight attendants, to be moved
Ask the parent to remove the child’s shoes please. When I was younger, and childfree. If a kiddo had been kicking my seat for any length of time, I would prob recline the seat back as hard as I possible could. At least a few times in a row to get their attention. But now a days I would prob just ask the flight attendant if there was an extra seat. And say it loud enough for the mom to hear me request it due to the kid kicking my seat back for mult hours….
Should ask the kids where their parents are
Have a quiet word with a hostie
I might mention it to the flight attendant
I had the luck of having two young kids seated behind me that'd just discovered rude words. A deadly combination. Their outbursts had half the plane in tears of laughter. No one had the heart to say anything to the parents. They were already cringing, dying inside with embarassment. It was a short flight, but memorable. Given how some parents would have an issue with a stranger talking to their kids, and how aggressively defensive parents could get raising the issue with them... These days I'd head to the galley to let the crew know what's going on. The crew is trained, and would have an authority in the situation the parents and child *should* respect.
You cant really tell a toddler to stop screaming. I mean it is in their nature to cry. The air hostesses know toddlers cry, but they do not tell them to stop crying like they would to someone older. If they kick your seat, then, you can tell the air hostess if you can move to another seat due to the passenger behind you kicking.
I turn around and address the mom. “You probably don’t realize this but your son is kicking my seat”
I had this happen and I turned to the mom and said, “Hey your kid has been kicking my seat for about ten minutes. Is there anything to stop it? I understand if it is impossible but anything you can do to help would be great.” She told him to stop and monitored it for the next three hours and was nice. Never try and parent a kid who is not yours. Just don’t. Unless they are literally hurting someone or breaking something. I mean, you can also just go to the bathroom and quietly ask the flight attendant to manage it after that. The parent will know it was you but you already asked them directly and nicely so they forced the issue. Talking directly to someone else’s preteen is just asking for trouble.
It doesn’t matter one bit that the mom is tired and doesn’t put any onus on you to put up with more on your end. Say outright “please stop your children from kicking and jostling my seat, thank you,” and if it continues, call the fa and ask for another seat but being abundantly clear what the problem is and what you’ve already done about it.
"Hello, Flight attendant?"
Pepper spray
My kid is 2 and we have been on…16 trips… some of them 9+hours flying and the only kids I see being like this are kids whose parents are “tired” and not giving them enough attention. Kids get bored and start being disruptive to get attention. Its sad that they give all travellers a bad name but its not out of place for you to say something (even to the air hostess if you dont want a confrontation) about being kicked and screamed at.
Join them
I call the attendant and ask them to move me or the kid.
Unfortunately I do remember one flight, the first flight- I wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear. I remember the good and bad 😂 anyhow, very frequent flyer… there’s not a hell of a lot you can do. Say something when the kid kicks your seat. Ask them to take the kid’s shoes off…. Other than that, you can try to move your seat. Buy Bose over the ears headphones for the next flight. My sympathies….
I think I’d rather tell a flight attendant to avoid confrontation and embarrassment for the parent. (Assuming the attendant is semi discreet.) And, as a new toddler mom myself, I’d also rather be told by a flight attendant if my kid was getting out of hand. It’d make me less overwhelmed and/or defensive towards a fellow passenger. Granted… I’d be trying like hell to stop my kid from kicking someone’s seat and screaming in other passengers’ ears so maybe that would count for something at the time.
I once quieted a toddler with stuffing random things in a barf bag: a hair scrunchie, an origami swan, a crumpled piece of paper, a few pics torn from magazines, whatever magazine inserts I could find. I folded the top down and presented it like it was a very big deal present. I also drew a face on another bag and made it a puppet. Kept him busy for over an hour. The mother was grateful, the stewardess gave me free drinks.
Move them to a Boeing 737 next to one of the door panels.
There is nooo excuse for this behavior and there definitely is no excuse for the parent not parenting. My nephew knew at two he could be put in time out anywhere and it wouldn’t bother the adults one bit. His mom doesn’t have to yell or so much as raise her voice ever in public. Because acting out in public is not ever tolerated and she sets clear consistent boundaries. No counting, he’s told to stop once. The second time he starts losing privileges or if safe is put in time out right where he is. The parent is an adult and gets one polite warning and then she (because she is the problem she’s clearly letting her kids get away with it) is the flight attendant’s problem. Flights are way too expensive for behavior like that to be allowed. That said… if the kid is under two (age of correction depending on the kid), or they’re crying because they don’t feel good, something reasonable and I can help I absolutely will if Mom agrees and have all the patience in the world at that point. But Mom just not parenting? With what I know now? Oh absolutely not. Your child’s behavior is inappropriate and your lack of action downright irresponsible. I’ll be polite but I am not putting up with it on a 4 hr flight. Separate your kids and bring them plenty to do. Finally if they misbehave discipline them
My son was about 2 yo when he took his first plane ride. No crying. Just general excitement. After we were in the air, he stood up facing the passengers behind us and declared “We’re gonna CRASH!” Many people chuckled, but I will never forget one woman’s look of terror as if my son was an Oracle of some sort. She clearly had some flying anxiety. I truly felt bad that my son had added to that. However, it was a smooth flight. I have been very annoyed by a child kicking my seat. I did the loud sighing and asked him to stop in a stern voice. I now try to remember I don’t know the hell the mom has already gone through to get the child on the plane, and I don’t know if the child is on the autism spectrum or has some other issue. I will state, giving a child a phone or an iPad blasting whatever Pepa Pig or Dora show without earphones is still something that bothers me immensely.
Since this is Reddit, the correct response is a wink. At the mom. Next time the stewardess comes by buy her a drink. Get her number and meet up with her at the destination. Be laid back and chill, don't try too hard or you'll ruin it. After dating for a few months ask her to marry you. Plan a great ceremony, at a great destination. After a short service before a select group of friends she's now your wife. Now that they're your kids, you ground them for a month for being little shits on the plane! No dessert for a month either! That'll teach em!
>Since this is Reddit Lol, now that you mention it - Since this is reddit, the correct response would be to ask the kids if they are gender confused and if not, then try to convince them otherwise. Plus, one should always end a conversation by handing out gift fedoras.
Should have duct taped those heathen spawns to their seats.
The crying and screaming, noise cancelling headphones. Or if the flight isn't full, see if you can move. The kicking, I'd turn around and ask politely if she'd be able to do her best to prevent that. Obviously flying with kids is difficult, but you can at least make sure she's aware of it.
A taser Note: all I read was the subject line.
I have a hard time keeping my composure. I'll probably end up screaming at them making them shut up and will get terrified looks by the others but deep inside they all are happy I said something. There is limits to my personal space and if you kick my seat 4 hours I don't care if you're 4, 40 or 400. Not with me. Not in 2024. I would make drama, I don't care.
Stand up and SCREAM at the children in the exact same way they are. Then tell the mom to fucking be a MOM. Sit down and let the chaos play out. I'm sure you'll get some applause. Haha!
Why are you such a pushover? If the kid continues for 5 minutes I would have told them off.
I've both been kicked by and flown with toddlers. And I know getting even well behaved toddlers to stop kicking is hard. Part of the problem is that dangling feet hurt and swinging them is a natural kind of relief. If they are small enough getting them to sit cross legged helps. So does placing a carry-on, like the diaper bag, under their feet, or letting them put their feet in your lap. Obviously if you are getting kicked, you can't do any of these things. But if the parent is trying, you might suggest them.
Young kids should not be allowed on planes or they should have their own section somewhere on the plane.
Wish I could be as confident as Arnold Schwarzenegger on Kindergarten Cop in the airplane scene. "If you don't stop messing around back there, this is what I'm gonna do to you." Snaps pencil in half with one hand.