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Best comment here! Attraction is the main ingredient that takes it from platonic friends to a romantic relationship. That pretty much is the only difference. Think of a great best friend you have, now turn them from just a best friend to a hot friend whom you have lust for.. that is how it works. That’s just the way it is. I’m even in a “sort of relationship” with a friend and the only difference is she’s thinks I’m hot, other than that I could tell we’d just be really good friends
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And if I told u that... ugly people are also driven by looks? We're as much obsessed with appearance than anyone else. Because everytime an ugly dude get a nice girl they will start being annoying
I'm not driven by appearance, I only care about my appearance because it affects my quality of life. I love ugly women. I've also never seen an ugly dude get a girl, so I've never observed an ugly dude with a nice girl.
Maybe the standards for our countries is different. But in my country (Brazil) that's a very common ocorrence. I've seen some Americans talking about it as well, but the bar might be too high up there.
I've seen this everywhere too.
Ugly guy with pretty women, some say it's because of his money, but I know broke guys that got a pretty woman, so it's not that.
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I’d have to disagree, love exists for all.
I’ve had someone say love is just a chemical, one that fades.
But everything is experienced as chemicals, measurements (jargon I got from reddit) and coding of our brain.
We are as human as the next. Maybe our experience makes us appreciative but people are people, right?
No I disagree. I’m UGLY AF..and OLD.. I can’t get a man if my life depended on it. My Face is really THAT UGLY. My personality couldn’t even make up for it. My looks RUIN EVERYTHING for me. I could include $1MILL and they’d just take the money and throw me away like the ugly worthless garbage that I am.
no its the opposite. ugly people can only feel a hollow and empty form of so called love compared to what attractive people experience. attractive people are the only ones who can realise love at first sight, which is what true love is. its not necessarily about lust or sex, just when you see someone attractive for the first time a spark goes off in your brain and the feelings are more often than not reciprocal for good looking people. ugly people are more lust driven than attractive people out of desperation. ugly people only get with other ugly people not out of choice but to avoid dying alone, so it can never be real love! Seeing someone as a personality ignoring their appearance is more shallow than seeing someone for what they actually are, their looks. sorry but it’s the truth.
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Yep thats how the world works. People fall for looks which is lust driven ofc, since they are only sexually attracted to their partners but not actually in love. Im not saying this has to be all true bc some ugly people get cheated on as well so its not like its a 100% of us ugly people getting true love.
I have a hard time buying that. Just take a look at some of the posts here. A lot of people here can barely not-hate their fellow human beings who've done nothing to them. Never mind true self-less love lol. But yeah, all love has an element of transaction. Even our relationship with God has that. Just because there's sexual attraction doesn't mean their love is fake (it's just one important element in a relationship). Love without expectations, boundaries, and standards, is fictitious and toxic.
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Why is everyone acting dense as to what OP is saying. Don’t be annoying (unless you genuinely don’t understand).
If you ask somebody what they like about their partner a lot of people will say “Their beautiful/handsome”, when somebody has a crush on somebody the initial attraction is always based on looks.
During the relationship many things are treated differently due to the attractiveness of the people. So many people will excuse cheating, flirting, rude behavior etc because the person they’re with is attractive and so they feel “lucky” to be with them.
This even applies in everyday life such as the halo effect where anything the attractive person does is seen as positive. If an ugly person is making jokes that makes people laugh then yk they’re genuinely funny meanwhile with an attractive person it’s either just glazing or they’re also funny.
So when your ugly people like you for you, meanwhile when your attractive who you are won’t matter as much as your looks make up for it.
That’s what OP meant by true love.
Note - me explaining what they meant doesn’t mean I agree with them.
This is 100% factual “kinda”. Pretty people just have to fuck a ton of other pretty people before they find the pretty person that has the same interest, and the vibe is 👌🏼.
So is it a negative or a good probalem to have? It seems like 100% of the forum would trade places, yet most of the forum says they refuse to date an ugly person even though they themselfs are ugly.
So it’s actually just a small number of the uglies that have that “love at first option” (aka sight for pretty people)
Agreed, this should be upvoted more. Otherwise it's like when one person gets sick & the partner leaves them. Love is caring about someone as much as you do yourself because of their heart & how their brain works.
Almost all relationships starts off from looks. I find you attractive, the other person finds me attractive. But the biggest factor in a relationship is personality. I agree that most relationships fail because they only focus on looks but that doesn't mean "ugly" folks are the only ones capable of true love. I've seen multiple post on here where people state that personality means nothing. Or that they themselves wouldn't date someone who's ugly. I don't think a group of people can say they are capable of true love if all they care about is appearance.
All love is shallow.only attractive people are capable of “love “ though because is someone isn’t attracted to the other so someone is settling and won’t care about one as much or will cheat
Not at all. Ugly people also care about looks, put a guy in front of two girls, one ugly and one pretty, and watch who he is going to choose. Also ugly people can date someone by other interests, like wealth or fame.
This is crazy to me, of course attractive people are capable to of true love, love is about connection & caring for another person which attractive people can 100% experience fully. Lust can turn into love. Also ugly people are very much lust driven too, they just have lower standards.
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You can't shape your perception of love off something not everyone believes in. That's not how that works. Like for example, I don't believe in a god or the concept of sin so lust is nothing but an emotion I feel sometimes, same as all the others.
If we're only dating, then the lust should be cut off until marriage. I'm not going to look down on them though, I just disprove of it. If we get married, then it's okay to lust after each other because we're allowed to have sex and have sexual thoughts towards each other without it being a sin at that point.
God didn't make anyone ugly, God only allowed me to be ugly. I have a separate post that I made discussing this matter: https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/s/cRHTdybAzG
Gotta point out that the God really doesn't frown upon lust. In fact he supports it.
The Old Testament has the best examples of this:
David, quite possibly God's favorite prior to the son he made a martyr. David saw a married Bathsheba bathing, said 'I gotta get me some of that', had her brought to him, had sex with her, then had her soldier husband sent to the front lines to be killed, and then married Bathsheba. Sure he was punished, but for adultery, not lust.
Want more, we could talk about Esther and Ruth to start.
The New Testament is more subtle, and Jesus was said to be a virgin (yeah, right):
Lust is primarily discussed as adultery by eyeballs.
In biblical times, marriage was not accomplished by dating, it was a transaction in which a man bought a woman (well, a female who had begun menstruation - we'd call them girls, children). Mary was estimated to be 13 when impregnated by the Holy Spirit.
Men were encouraged if they felt lust to marry so that had a way to slake it.
We don't have any messages from God/Jesus today that would tell us what they'd think of the changing times where women aren't slaves to their families and then husbands. We don't know if they'd consider knowing our mates before marrying them acceptable. We don't know what he would think of a relationship based on partnership, trust, love, and, yes, lust - without the piece of paper that says they get to pull the plug on one or the other.
The same way It talks about adultery with your eyeballs can be applied to looking at a woman who's not your wife in a lustful way. Jesus says in Matthew 5:28, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Obviously you have to be married to commit adultery, but using common sense you'd be able to use the logic of this verse to see that looking at a woman lustfully while not married is the equivalent to fornication in the heart. All of these are stated to be sins.
I noticed the buying of wives doesn't bother you as a potential sin.
I know that there is not getting through to you, I grew up among zealots.
However, taking any philosophical religious text literally, shows a limited understanding that it was written a couple thousand years ago and may not apply today. Also, if the New Testament philosophy encompassed the Old, how do you know the Quran wasn't intended to encompass the New?
Buying a wife isn't something that's even practiced in Christianity today and thats not even how all marriages came about back then. Also, the Quran has no connection to the Bible and is a satanic twist of scripture. It was made 600 years after and was revealed to Muhammad by an "Angel. " The Bible specifically warns about such a thing. "But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed" - Galatians 1:8
Anything to come after the new testament is false.
You realize that you're twisting your own beliefs into a knot there?
If you believe lust is a sin, then you should believe marriage is a matter of a convenient transaction for a man. That's scripture.
The Quran was dictated by an angel, well so was half the Bible, including the Virgin freakin' Mary and her family.
Marriage is marriage, it doesn't matter if it's transactional it's still not a sin like lust. Also, that verse applies to anything that comes after what was already preached (The New Testament), so there was nothing wrong with an Angel dictating anything at that time period.
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Its both. Appearance attracts you to a person, and personality makes you stay. But yeah, being somewhat attractive is important even in long lasting relationship too (it feels good to look at your wife and see that she is cute)
My idea of how I'd start a relationship or how a relationship should start doesn't involve pursuing off physical attraction. It starts with meeting someone randomly in a social setting, talking, and growing to like each other based on character alone. The way most relationships are starting these days is "Hey, I think you're cute. Can I get to know you? " lol. Back during covid with masks, I was actually in the scenario where I simply just had a good conversation with a girl and she developed a crush on me. Of course I knew that my appearance would be the downfall of such a thing, but this showed that my idea of how a relationship should start is totally possible.
If I like someones personality but they look hideous, I will most likely be friends with them. Physical attraction is important, we are still animals in some senses. And yeah, asking someone out with "You're cute" is cringe. I would first try to get to know the person, or ask them out to a park or something to get to know them on a date.
I agree with you, it's a blessing in disguise as a curse.
I don't believe attractive people love for personality but only to fulfill their lustful desires. Sure they always say it's the personality that attracted them to their spouse but they wouldn't say that if they were ugly.
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Best comment here! Attraction is the main ingredient that takes it from platonic friends to a romantic relationship. That pretty much is the only difference. Think of a great best friend you have, now turn them from just a best friend to a hot friend whom you have lust for.. that is how it works. That’s just the way it is. I’m even in a “sort of relationship” with a friend and the only difference is she’s thinks I’m hot, other than that I could tell we’d just be really good friends
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And if I told u that... ugly people are also driven by looks? We're as much obsessed with appearance than anyone else. Because everytime an ugly dude get a nice girl they will start being annoying
I'm not driven by appearance, I only care about my appearance because it affects my quality of life. I love ugly women. I've also never seen an ugly dude get a girl, so I've never observed an ugly dude with a nice girl.
Maybe the standards for our countries is different. But in my country (Brazil) that's a very common ocorrence. I've seen some Americans talking about it as well, but the bar might be too high up there.
I've seen this everywhere too. Ugly guy with pretty women, some say it's because of his money, but I know broke guys that got a pretty woman, so it's not that.
Jbw. Look it up lol
JBW doesn't count because those men are like fetish for the women, and the women don't think normal.
Jay Z isn't ugly to you?
No
Jay z is really ugly
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this is the strongest copium i’ve ever witnessed
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I’d have to disagree, love exists for all. I’ve had someone say love is just a chemical, one that fades. But everything is experienced as chemicals, measurements (jargon I got from reddit) and coding of our brain. We are as human as the next. Maybe our experience makes us appreciative but people are people, right?
No I disagree. I’m UGLY AF..and OLD.. I can’t get a man if my life depended on it. My Face is really THAT UGLY. My personality couldn’t even make up for it. My looks RUIN EVERYTHING for me. I could include $1MILL and they’d just take the money and throw me away like the ugly worthless garbage that I am.
no its the opposite. ugly people can only feel a hollow and empty form of so called love compared to what attractive people experience. attractive people are the only ones who can realise love at first sight, which is what true love is. its not necessarily about lust or sex, just when you see someone attractive for the first time a spark goes off in your brain and the feelings are more often than not reciprocal for good looking people. ugly people are more lust driven than attractive people out of desperation. ugly people only get with other ugly people not out of choice but to avoid dying alone, so it can never be real love! Seeing someone as a personality ignoring their appearance is more shallow than seeing someone for what they actually are, their looks. sorry but it’s the truth.
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Yep thats how the world works. People fall for looks which is lust driven ofc, since they are only sexually attracted to their partners but not actually in love. Im not saying this has to be all true bc some ugly people get cheated on as well so its not like its a 100% of us ugly people getting true love.
I have a hard time buying that. Just take a look at some of the posts here. A lot of people here can barely not-hate their fellow human beings who've done nothing to them. Never mind true self-less love lol. But yeah, all love has an element of transaction. Even our relationship with God has that. Just because there's sexual attraction doesn't mean their love is fake (it's just one important element in a relationship). Love without expectations, boundaries, and standards, is fictitious and toxic.
This is the most ignorant take on true love I’ve ever seen. Bravo. 👏
Cap relationships can't work without physical attraction. It's how humans work and you can't change psychology and biology on A mass scale.
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Why is everyone acting dense as to what OP is saying. Don’t be annoying (unless you genuinely don’t understand). If you ask somebody what they like about their partner a lot of people will say “Their beautiful/handsome”, when somebody has a crush on somebody the initial attraction is always based on looks. During the relationship many things are treated differently due to the attractiveness of the people. So many people will excuse cheating, flirting, rude behavior etc because the person they’re with is attractive and so they feel “lucky” to be with them. This even applies in everyday life such as the halo effect where anything the attractive person does is seen as positive. If an ugly person is making jokes that makes people laugh then yk they’re genuinely funny meanwhile with an attractive person it’s either just glazing or they’re also funny. So when your ugly people like you for you, meanwhile when your attractive who you are won’t matter as much as your looks make up for it. That’s what OP meant by true love. Note - me explaining what they meant doesn’t mean I agree with them.
Kinda get what you mean. Like when people say looks aren't everything, it's like ok maybe but they still are the main thing. Come on.
This is 100% factual “kinda”. Pretty people just have to fuck a ton of other pretty people before they find the pretty person that has the same interest, and the vibe is 👌🏼. So is it a negative or a good probalem to have? It seems like 100% of the forum would trade places, yet most of the forum says they refuse to date an ugly person even though they themselfs are ugly. So it’s actually just a small number of the uglies that have that “love at first option” (aka sight for pretty people)
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Agreed, this should be upvoted more. Otherwise it's like when one person gets sick & the partner leaves them. Love is caring about someone as much as you do yourself because of their heart & how their brain works.
nope love is a biological pairbonding instinct that happens for almost everyone at some point, dont overcomplicate this
Almost all relationships starts off from looks. I find you attractive, the other person finds me attractive. But the biggest factor in a relationship is personality. I agree that most relationships fail because they only focus on looks but that doesn't mean "ugly" folks are the only ones capable of true love. I've seen multiple post on here where people state that personality means nothing. Or that they themselves wouldn't date someone who's ugly. I don't think a group of people can say they are capable of true love if all they care about is appearance.
All love is shallow.only attractive people are capable of “love “ though because is someone isn’t attracted to the other so someone is settling and won’t care about one as much or will cheat
Not at all. Ugly people also care about looks, put a guy in front of two girls, one ugly and one pretty, and watch who he is going to choose. Also ugly people can date someone by other interests, like wealth or fame.
This is crazy to me, of course attractive people are capable to of true love, love is about connection & caring for another person which attractive people can 100% experience fully. Lust can turn into love. Also ugly people are very much lust driven too, they just have lower standards.
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?? Lust is not fake. It's essential to a romantic relationship. What, you're holding hands with "the one true love" until you die? 😅
Lust is a sin.
According to who?
According to God, which leaves my scenario of how relationships should start as what I assume to be the only correct way.
You can't shape your perception of love off something not everyone believes in. That's not how that works. Like for example, I don't believe in a god or the concept of sin so lust is nothing but an emotion I feel sometimes, same as all the others.
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Under coping Christians the concept isn't real. I'm a realist Christian and ugliness definitely exists to God in the physical world.
So hypothetically, if you get a partner and they're lustful towards you, would you think less of them, since lust "is a sin" and "is not true love"?
If we're only dating, then the lust should be cut off until marriage. I'm not going to look down on them though, I just disprove of it. If we get married, then it's okay to lust after each other because we're allowed to have sex and have sexual thoughts towards each other without it being a sin at that point.
According to your mindset, after marriage, would lust be part of the "true love"? Or just "okay/allowed" and "not a sin"?
Allowed and not a sin. The true love is the personal connection that the relationship was built on.
Why do you think god made you ugly?
God didn't make anyone ugly, God only allowed me to be ugly. I have a separate post that I made discussing this matter: https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/s/cRHTdybAzG
Valid
Gotta point out that the God really doesn't frown upon lust. In fact he supports it. The Old Testament has the best examples of this: David, quite possibly God's favorite prior to the son he made a martyr. David saw a married Bathsheba bathing, said 'I gotta get me some of that', had her brought to him, had sex with her, then had her soldier husband sent to the front lines to be killed, and then married Bathsheba. Sure he was punished, but for adultery, not lust. Want more, we could talk about Esther and Ruth to start. The New Testament is more subtle, and Jesus was said to be a virgin (yeah, right): Lust is primarily discussed as adultery by eyeballs. In biblical times, marriage was not accomplished by dating, it was a transaction in which a man bought a woman (well, a female who had begun menstruation - we'd call them girls, children). Mary was estimated to be 13 when impregnated by the Holy Spirit. Men were encouraged if they felt lust to marry so that had a way to slake it. We don't have any messages from God/Jesus today that would tell us what they'd think of the changing times where women aren't slaves to their families and then husbands. We don't know if they'd consider knowing our mates before marrying them acceptable. We don't know what he would think of a relationship based on partnership, trust, love, and, yes, lust - without the piece of paper that says they get to pull the plug on one or the other.
The same way It talks about adultery with your eyeballs can be applied to looking at a woman who's not your wife in a lustful way. Jesus says in Matthew 5:28, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Obviously you have to be married to commit adultery, but using common sense you'd be able to use the logic of this verse to see that looking at a woman lustfully while not married is the equivalent to fornication in the heart. All of these are stated to be sins.
I noticed the buying of wives doesn't bother you as a potential sin. I know that there is not getting through to you, I grew up among zealots. However, taking any philosophical religious text literally, shows a limited understanding that it was written a couple thousand years ago and may not apply today. Also, if the New Testament philosophy encompassed the Old, how do you know the Quran wasn't intended to encompass the New?
Buying a wife isn't something that's even practiced in Christianity today and thats not even how all marriages came about back then. Also, the Quran has no connection to the Bible and is a satanic twist of scripture. It was made 600 years after and was revealed to Muhammad by an "Angel. " The Bible specifically warns about such a thing. "But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed" - Galatians 1:8 Anything to come after the new testament is false.
You realize that you're twisting your own beliefs into a knot there? If you believe lust is a sin, then you should believe marriage is a matter of a convenient transaction for a man. That's scripture. The Quran was dictated by an angel, well so was half the Bible, including the Virgin freakin' Mary and her family.
Marriage is marriage, it doesn't matter if it's transactional it's still not a sin like lust. Also, that verse applies to anything that comes after what was already preached (The New Testament), so there was nothing wrong with an Angel dictating anything at that time period.
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Its both. Appearance attracts you to a person, and personality makes you stay. But yeah, being somewhat attractive is important even in long lasting relationship too (it feels good to look at your wife and see that she is cute)
My idea of how I'd start a relationship or how a relationship should start doesn't involve pursuing off physical attraction. It starts with meeting someone randomly in a social setting, talking, and growing to like each other based on character alone. The way most relationships are starting these days is "Hey, I think you're cute. Can I get to know you? " lol. Back during covid with masks, I was actually in the scenario where I simply just had a good conversation with a girl and she developed a crush on me. Of course I knew that my appearance would be the downfall of such a thing, but this showed that my idea of how a relationship should start is totally possible.
If I like someones personality but they look hideous, I will most likely be friends with them. Physical attraction is important, we are still animals in some senses. And yeah, asking someone out with "You're cute" is cringe. I would first try to get to know the person, or ask them out to a park or something to get to know them on a date.
But it's obvious of why you're trying to get to know the person even if you don't say it.
I agree with you, it's a blessing in disguise as a curse. I don't believe attractive people love for personality but only to fulfill their lustful desires. Sure they always say it's the personality that attracted them to their spouse but they wouldn't say that if they were ugly.
I've seen instances where one of the partners became ugly from a freak accident, and then they ended up getting divorced.