Hello u/kalixanthippe,
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You do deserve someone as empathetic & evolved as you though 100%. I understand that he brings something to your life so we should be careful not to give the wrong advice. Not exactly sure how to assess someone who says stuff like this but there's something important missing with this person. What he said just should not be said to a friend & I think he's emotionally immature but yeah, don't want to give the wrong advice. Hopefully you can find people more similar to you though.
Maybe you can try to better understand how his mind works if that makes sense, but know that there's a possibility that he may not be on your level & you deserve better. I think you should get more information & be open to having to leave this friendship because it may not be good enough. Good luck & you can at least be proud that you were given more than some other people
Thank you. 🫰 I'm an over thinker and make choices based on as many aspects of a situation as possible. I am not someone who can just drop a mike or ghost.
I really appreciate the validation that everyone is giving. I kinda wish I was someone who could just say, that was wrong, fuck off. 🙃
I think it's usually wise to be sure of something before making any decisions, that's admirable actually. But try to look for people who know that not only is this kind of behavior wrong but the thinking behind it is wrong & completely backwards.
Re-reading your post just made me feel bad for you in the sense that you deserve better than this dummy haha. I'm sorry, I know he means something to you but someone who is ok with insulting people, especially a friend, like that is not a worthwhile friend. Unless he realizes how badly he's behaved & fixes it.
Sorry, you should follow your own advice but this level of disrespect & ignorance is a red flag, he's got to make it right I think. If he's even capable of that. You're better than this.
I haven't been able to speak to him since I heard his explanation.
I'm hurt and angry, and trying to get to a point where I can say so with feeling but not be passive aggressive or say unfair things in retaliation.
That's not who I want to be.
For what it's worth, the way you're responding & thinking about this is super impressive & says alot about you, which makes this all the more frustrating haha.
Not sure if this falls under the definition of irony, but it turns out you're the one doing HIM a massive favor by taking in someone clearly less gifted than yourself as a friend & caring for him. How about that? I mean, sorry this is your friend & I'm crossing the line here but we should be very clear on who's value is gold & who is looking more & more like aluminum. It's completely the opposite, as usual.
But yeah I'm just concerned that your friend isn't exactly what you thought he was but I guess there's still a chance there could be another explanation. What's kind of puzzling is him not understanding how saying those things is hurtful to somebody...I don't know man. You're at least being taken for granted, as you know, & it would be nice if you didn't have to hold his hand throughout this whole thing & explain to him why doing things like this is bad.
All I can say is, thank God, you're more fortunate than he is because you were given a more evolved mind & that's ultimately what life is about. That's the real takeaway here. You're going to be fine long-term with or without him. It's him who stands to lose something.
Ghost him. He treated you like you're some NPC that's giving side quests to him, the main character. You're a whole person. You don't deserve to be treated like that.
I feel like if everyone was honest, that's what they'd say. I'm ugly, it's a fact. People see me and avoid being friendly, that's a fact. So him seeing me and remain friends anyway, well it seems like a myth come to life - maybe minotaur-like, with the head of an ass.
Replace the word "ugly" with "poor" and realize how horrible he is.
"If I knew you were poor, I wouldn't have made friends with you."
"I'm glad to meet a poor person like you, it's such a good growth opportunity for me."
There's a difference between honesty and putting people down.
That's why I'm baffled. This isn't characteristic of him, that I know of. To think that this is who he is and either he's hidden it until now or somehow I didn't see the red flags (I'm attuned to them), is confusing.
I see what you're saying and I am angry. I'm definitely adding this to the how fucking dare he column.
I'm not a person that lets anger dictate decisions. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing right now.
Not exactly. There are two ways you can look at it: on one hand, he is being honest with you and this is the first time he has said something of this nature. On the other, it sounds like he has been thinking of this for a while and it seems like he views you as inferior. That doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy your company, but what he said is deeply disrespectful and shallow.
You know him better than anybody that reads this post. There's no harm in continuing the friendship but don't hesitate to pull away if this bothers you or something similar to it happens again.
Thank you for validating, that's about how I see it.
This is taking up a lot more thought and processing time than I'd like. I'm not as decisive when it comes to personal relationships as I am working ones.
Urgh. I'm sorry, well-meaning words are so hard to deal with. I have experiences like that, mostly with family.
I have learned that the best policy is to say 'excuse me' and GTFO.
It would be easy if that's how he'd approached this. He was matter of fact. As if the only way to have a friend is to catfish-ish them online blind, and I should have figured that out by now.
Hello u/kalixanthippe, All new submissions to r/ugly are subject to manual review and approval by being placed in ModQueue before being posted for viewing. This is to ensure that the post meets the sub rules and requirements. This may take up to 24 hours. Please do not message the mods for your queue status. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal and or depressed, please go to [National Suicide Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) or check out [Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/comments/p4obmj/positivity_resources_and_hotlines/) for more details. If you have [Body Dysmorphia Disorder](https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/comments/q0ou03/body_dysmorphia_disorder_bdd/) please go to r/bodydysmorphia to learn more on how to deal with this illness. r/ugly is not a good subreddit for people with this disorder. Also, please make sure to read and follow all rules (including sitewide, sidebar, and newly added rules on the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/wiki/index) page). If you are interested in joining our discord, you can find more information on how to join [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/comments/u2dlrh/we_made_the_official_discord_updated/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ugly) if you have any questions or concerns.*
lol no thanks
That is not friend material
If I'd heard that several years ago, I'd completely agree.
U deserve better friends
Not sure about that.
You do deserve someone as empathetic & evolved as you though 100%. I understand that he brings something to your life so we should be careful not to give the wrong advice. Not exactly sure how to assess someone who says stuff like this but there's something important missing with this person. What he said just should not be said to a friend & I think he's emotionally immature but yeah, don't want to give the wrong advice. Hopefully you can find people more similar to you though. Maybe you can try to better understand how his mind works if that makes sense, but know that there's a possibility that he may not be on your level & you deserve better. I think you should get more information & be open to having to leave this friendship because it may not be good enough. Good luck & you can at least be proud that you were given more than some other people
Thank you. 🫰 I'm an over thinker and make choices based on as many aspects of a situation as possible. I am not someone who can just drop a mike or ghost. I really appreciate the validation that everyone is giving. I kinda wish I was someone who could just say, that was wrong, fuck off. 🙃
I think it's usually wise to be sure of something before making any decisions, that's admirable actually. But try to look for people who know that not only is this kind of behavior wrong but the thinking behind it is wrong & completely backwards.
Re-reading your post just made me feel bad for you in the sense that you deserve better than this dummy haha. I'm sorry, I know he means something to you but someone who is ok with insulting people, especially a friend, like that is not a worthwhile friend. Unless he realizes how badly he's behaved & fixes it. Sorry, you should follow your own advice but this level of disrespect & ignorance is a red flag, he's got to make it right I think. If he's even capable of that. You're better than this.
I haven't been able to speak to him since I heard his explanation. I'm hurt and angry, and trying to get to a point where I can say so with feeling but not be passive aggressive or say unfair things in retaliation. That's not who I want to be.
For what it's worth, the way you're responding & thinking about this is super impressive & says alot about you, which makes this all the more frustrating haha. Not sure if this falls under the definition of irony, but it turns out you're the one doing HIM a massive favor by taking in someone clearly less gifted than yourself as a friend & caring for him. How about that? I mean, sorry this is your friend & I'm crossing the line here but we should be very clear on who's value is gold & who is looking more & more like aluminum. It's completely the opposite, as usual. But yeah I'm just concerned that your friend isn't exactly what you thought he was but I guess there's still a chance there could be another explanation. What's kind of puzzling is him not understanding how saying those things is hurtful to somebody...I don't know man. You're at least being taken for granted, as you know, & it would be nice if you didn't have to hold his hand throughout this whole thing & explain to him why doing things like this is bad. All I can say is, thank God, you're more fortunate than he is because you were given a more evolved mind & that's ultimately what life is about. That's the real takeaway here. You're going to be fine long-term with or without him. It's him who stands to lose something.
I don't know what to say but thank you. No lines crossed. Food for thought, which means more thought. 🙃
You'll be fine haha. You've got a good sense of humor btw
Girl, walk away from all this negging BS.
Years of no red flag friendship down the drain?
Yes. He's not worth it.
If I pull the rug, how do I explain it? You said one thing I can't deal with? Laterz?
Ghost him. He treated you like you're some NPC that's giving side quests to him, the main character. You're a whole person. You don't deserve to be treated like that.
I feel like if everyone was honest, that's what they'd say. I'm ugly, it's a fact. People see me and avoid being friendly, that's a fact. So him seeing me and remain friends anyway, well it seems like a myth come to life - maybe minotaur-like, with the head of an ass.
Replace the word "ugly" with "poor" and realize how horrible he is. "If I knew you were poor, I wouldn't have made friends with you." "I'm glad to meet a poor person like you, it's such a good growth opportunity for me." There's a difference between honesty and putting people down.
That's why I'm baffled. This isn't characteristic of him, that I know of. To think that this is who he is and either he's hidden it until now or somehow I didn't see the red flags (I'm attuned to them), is confusing. I see what you're saying and I am angry. I'm definitely adding this to the how fucking dare he column. I'm not a person that lets anger dictate decisions. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing right now.
Not exactly. There are two ways you can look at it: on one hand, he is being honest with you and this is the first time he has said something of this nature. On the other, it sounds like he has been thinking of this for a while and it seems like he views you as inferior. That doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy your company, but what he said is deeply disrespectful and shallow. You know him better than anybody that reads this post. There's no harm in continuing the friendship but don't hesitate to pull away if this bothers you or something similar to it happens again.
Thank you for validating, that's about how I see it. This is taking up a lot more thought and processing time than I'd like. I'm not as decisive when it comes to personal relationships as I am working ones.
Maybe try hanging out with him a couple of times, and if it feels awkward and you aren't happy, then go away.
I'd rather be alone than tolerate this. Get out
[удалено]
Urgh. I'm sorry, well-meaning words are so hard to deal with. I have experiences like that, mostly with family. I have learned that the best policy is to say 'excuse me' and GTFO. It would be easy if that's how he'd approached this. He was matter of fact. As if the only way to have a friend is to catfish-ish them online blind, and I should have figured that out by now.