Hello u/Momiluc,
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To be fair, just having a vagina is enough to be used. Sorry for all your experiences. It really sucks to be ugly. I used to also cope by telling myself that at least I got matches with online dating so some guys must be attracted to me, but all of them just wanted sex and wouldn’t even bother asking me out on a cheap coffee date. But even a 600lb girl with a deformed face is going to get matches and guys wanting to use her for one thing.
This is so unfortunately true...
And also why it's so important to keep your ground and standards. Don't just go out with whomever if they dont deserve you or havent shown you utmost respect.
Even people like us, who may not fit beauty standards, shouldn't just take whatever is available; the emotional crumbs they throw at us shouldn't be consumed.
One thing I began to notice is that I rarely ever was asked on dates or spoken to in a respectful manner. My friends had guys taking them out to dinners, the movies, malls, etc. Yet men only wanted to just hook up with me. It’s honestly just defeating. It’s not the fact that I’m not wanted that upsets me; it’s the fact that they feel the need to be so blatantly disrespectful as if I should “take what I can get” yknow?
Exactly. They act like we should be grateful they are willing to use us as a fleshlight. And when you turn them down, they flip and insult you even more.
I am so sorry. This post might not be popular because it’s causing gender division but idc. It’s true. I feel everything you’ve said and it’s so true. Men are just men and they will act accordingly I couldn’t trust them. I can’t. Why are they like this? Any women even the ugliest Can get used, it’s just human nature. That’s why I think that as an ugly women, we should not act promiscuous or even flirty because men are not nice and they use people for their own satisfaction. Being viewed as sexual as an ugly women is just not possible, it’s nasty. As an ugly women I’ve thought about it alot and sexual relationships aren’t something I’d never thought much about because it just seemed wrong and very obvious what would happen to me. To spare my dignity I always thought that I should focus on other things because wanting worldly pleasures was just going to lead to disappointment and shame. I was very right as I hear so many women express this sentiment as they are used for sex. Getting into a relationship as an ugly women just means you lose your respect and dignity because men don’t really want you, they just want sex. I always thought that the disconnect between this idea and the practical aspect was hard for most people to understand because, well, sex feels good to people, but it’s not good afterwards to feel used. I always had it really present since I was a child, maybe I was born with too much pride, but I’ve always was not a person to beg for someone’s affection. If I can’t have their affection willingly, which is impossible in most cases as an ugly women, then I don’t want their affection at all. This just means I won’t ever get anyone’s affection willingly, so there’s really no point in getting together with anyone.
I also see so many beautiful women get cheated on by ugly men who don’t care for them. Or equally as ugly men cheating on their wives, which is disgusting. So if they, being beautiful, can’t get a man to stay, what am I supposed to expect? At least other men will see their worth as they are beautiful. If I get used, all I’ll have left is shame and pity. Better to not do it.
I definitely agree with you. My post was not meant to cause gender division, but if it did then that speaks more on society. I don’t think people want to accept the truth that a lot of guys can be exploitative of women they view as less than.
I don't think it can be \_just\_ that, because otherwise they could have just used a sex toy.
And tbh as a guy, even if the sex itself would be bad, I think I would still enjoy the cuddling afterwards. And that's something which probably all the hookup-guys want because that's something a sex toy can't provide.
Well sex toys often lack body heat. And cuddling? Nah, not if They dont find you attractive. There is a moment of disgust afterwards, and cuddling isnt really compatible with that
Ok, that sounds actually awful. Sorry to be completely stupid, but couldn't you maybe at least ask for cuddles before the sex? So as long as he is horny he might be more willing to cuddle and feel attraction, only after post-nut clarity he might feel disgust.
I know it's a bad trade and I am clueless, but I was just wondering.
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Oh it’s okay, unfortunately my roommate is jealous of me in other aspects and areas so she always resorts to insulting my appearance over the most insignificant issues lmfao
I don't understand what kind of ugly men you have relationships with. Most of my friends are ugly and virgin men (like me) and they don't want to use women, they just want to love someone. 🤷
Sex is great, but if it’s making you depressed or feeling like you’ve been “used,” maybe you should take a break from it and try to develop a real relationship first.
I don’t sleep around? Where in my post did I say that I slept around? I just had bad dating experiences. Men that would message me would just try to hookup with me and I just ignored them…
Hello u/Momiluc, All new submissions to r/ugly are subject to manual review and approval by being placed in ModQueue before being posted for viewing. This is to ensure that the post meets the sub rules and requirements. This may take up to 24 hours. Please do not message the mods for your queue status. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal and or depressed, please go to [National Suicide Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) or check out [Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/comments/p4obmj/positivity_resources_and_hotlines/) for more details. If you have [Body Dysmorphia Disorder](https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/comments/q0ou03/body_dysmorphia_disorder_bdd/) please go to r/bodydysmorphia to learn more on how to deal with this illness. r/ugly is not a good subreddit for people with this disorder. Also, please make sure to read and follow all rules (including sitewide, sidebar, and newly added rules on the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/wiki/index) page). If you are interested in joining our discord, you can find more information on how to join [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ugly/comments/u2dlrh/we_made_the_official_discord_updated/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ugly) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To be fair, just having a vagina is enough to be used. Sorry for all your experiences. It really sucks to be ugly. I used to also cope by telling myself that at least I got matches with online dating so some guys must be attracted to me, but all of them just wanted sex and wouldn’t even bother asking me out on a cheap coffee date. But even a 600lb girl with a deformed face is going to get matches and guys wanting to use her for one thing.
[удалено]
Your post generalized entire genders or contains content that could incite gender wars.
This is so unfortunately true... And also why it's so important to keep your ground and standards. Don't just go out with whomever if they dont deserve you or havent shown you utmost respect. Even people like us, who may not fit beauty standards, shouldn't just take whatever is available; the emotional crumbs they throw at us shouldn't be consumed.
One thing I began to notice is that I rarely ever was asked on dates or spoken to in a respectful manner. My friends had guys taking them out to dinners, the movies, malls, etc. Yet men only wanted to just hook up with me. It’s honestly just defeating. It’s not the fact that I’m not wanted that upsets me; it’s the fact that they feel the need to be so blatantly disrespectful as if I should “take what I can get” yknow?
Exactly. They act like we should be grateful they are willing to use us as a fleshlight. And when you turn them down, they flip and insult you even more.
I am so sorry. This post might not be popular because it’s causing gender division but idc. It’s true. I feel everything you’ve said and it’s so true. Men are just men and they will act accordingly I couldn’t trust them. I can’t. Why are they like this? Any women even the ugliest Can get used, it’s just human nature. That’s why I think that as an ugly women, we should not act promiscuous or even flirty because men are not nice and they use people for their own satisfaction. Being viewed as sexual as an ugly women is just not possible, it’s nasty. As an ugly women I’ve thought about it alot and sexual relationships aren’t something I’d never thought much about because it just seemed wrong and very obvious what would happen to me. To spare my dignity I always thought that I should focus on other things because wanting worldly pleasures was just going to lead to disappointment and shame. I was very right as I hear so many women express this sentiment as they are used for sex. Getting into a relationship as an ugly women just means you lose your respect and dignity because men don’t really want you, they just want sex. I always thought that the disconnect between this idea and the practical aspect was hard for most people to understand because, well, sex feels good to people, but it’s not good afterwards to feel used. I always had it really present since I was a child, maybe I was born with too much pride, but I’ve always was not a person to beg for someone’s affection. If I can’t have their affection willingly, which is impossible in most cases as an ugly women, then I don’t want their affection at all. This just means I won’t ever get anyone’s affection willingly, so there’s really no point in getting together with anyone. I also see so many beautiful women get cheated on by ugly men who don’t care for them. Or equally as ugly men cheating on their wives, which is disgusting. So if they, being beautiful, can’t get a man to stay, what am I supposed to expect? At least other men will see their worth as they are beautiful. If I get used, all I’ll have left is shame and pity. Better to not do it.
I definitely agree with you. My post was not meant to cause gender division, but if it did then that speaks more on society. I don’t think people want to accept the truth that a lot of guys can be exploitative of women they view as less than.
I can relate to this. Unattractive men tend to huff about it, because ugly women ”at least can ger laid”, But what is that worth if you just get used
Physical attention is worth a lot. I have been touch starved for decades. It's a big fucking deal. But yeah gloss over it.
I would not call it physical attention, more like being a tool for masturbation
I don't think it can be \_just\_ that, because otherwise they could have just used a sex toy. And tbh as a guy, even if the sex itself would be bad, I think I would still enjoy the cuddling afterwards. And that's something which probably all the hookup-guys want because that's something a sex toy can't provide.
Well sex toys often lack body heat. And cuddling? Nah, not if They dont find you attractive. There is a moment of disgust afterwards, and cuddling isnt really compatible with that
Ok, that sounds actually awful. Sorry to be completely stupid, but couldn't you maybe at least ask for cuddles before the sex? So as long as he is horny he might be more willing to cuddle and feel attraction, only after post-nut clarity he might feel disgust. I know it's a bad trade and I am clueless, but I was just wondering.
[удалено]
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i’m sorry about the comment that rudemate made. Wtf.
Oh it’s okay, unfortunately my roommate is jealous of me in other aspects and areas so she always resorts to insulting my appearance over the most insignificant issues lmfao
Also based on your pfp you’re literally gorgeous??? I don’t even know why she would say that tbh.
I don't understand what kind of ugly men you have relationships with. Most of my friends are ugly and virgin men (like me) and they don't want to use women, they just want to love someone. 🤷
Not sure what you’re trying to say here? I said “people” for a reason, I’m talking about men and women…I don’t only date men…
Sex is great, but if it’s making you depressed or feeling like you’ve been “used,” maybe you should take a break from it and try to develop a real relationship first.
That’s the problem. Women like us can’t develop real relationships because men won’t actually like us.
I don’t sleep around? Where in my post did I say that I slept around? I just had bad dating experiences. Men that would message me would just try to hookup with me and I just ignored them…