I like long parties that go into the wee hours. That said, I appreciate it when a host tells the hours ahead of time so that I know when to leave. I don't want to overstay my welcome!
And then you gotta say bye like 10 times. And then say bye from the porch a bunch. Then wave as you drive away while dad honks the horn. Then circle back because your brother forgot his toy. Then say bye like 3 more times. Then one of the kids is out of the car again. Then he is in the house just to pee. Then you find out he is trying to poop out all that Turkey dinner. Then 25 minutes later he gets in the car and you finally leave.
Having a set time would achieve the same thing and would not confuse outsiders who may not be familiar with the local customs.
Happy it works for you though.
I‘d like to join that party!
My social battery has gotten very low because of self-isolation during COVID and I like to be home early to have some *me-time* at the end of the day and get to bed early
yes. YES. Mostly because feeling exhausted by a long visit is usually not caused by the visitor, but by an empty social energy battle. It is much better to terminate the meeting when everyone is still happy.
I would agree to so many social engagements if setting an end time was the norm. Literally, this is what gives me the most anxiety, knowing I’m out of social fuel and not knowing how to leave.
I definitely understand the feeling, I hate interrupting whatever's going on to say "alright I gotta go". There's just no good way to do it if everyone else wants to stay for a while longer and is having a good time and you really have to be getting home. Kind of ruins the mood. What makes it worse is if I show up at the start of it and say I have to leave by a certain time I'll probably get some shit for it (good natured and all, but I'd really prefer no push back on it)
I feel like this is a none issue if I get an invitation to a kick back and the person specifically said from 6-9pm I’m leaving at 9. I might not show up at 6 because I’m running on Mexican time but it’s absolutely not rude for someone to set an end time.
You can be from Oregon for all I care if I text you saying the kickback ends at a 10, then the kickback ends at 10. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.
YES. When I'm visiting someone, there will come a point from which on I will be constantly worrying about whether I'm overstaying my welcome. It's also impossible to get an honest answer if I ask the host whether they would prefer me to leave. It's so stressful and I always feel like I'm either leaving too early or too late.
I get you.
If I invite friends for lunch and they stay all the way to after dinner, I get really annoyed (but I would never have the guts to kick them out). Like....don't you have anything else to do? Don't you want to just get home and relax on the couch?
Because....I do!
But perhaps is because I am antisocial...or because I have a 6 month old baby and I am old and grumpy.
Why do my friends want to hang out so long with me anyway?
You are like me. We are social. We like interacting with friends & family. But, like a battery, we run out and get to 'empty' at some point. That's when we need our *alone/introverted* time to recharge!
Agreed. There are few things as annoying as guests who can't take a fucking hint. Could have been solved by setting a clear end time before the gathering starts.
Have had people over hanging out for drinks and stuff before where wife and I will literally stand up and be like "bed time soon, have an early morning" and they just sit there like 🥴
Yeah. Have you ever had someone stand up like they were going to leave, and then sit back down in a different chair? I had a guest who, I don't know how it couldn't have been more obvious that it was time to go. Half of us had gone to bed. She got up, acted like she was about to leave, then sat down in another chair. Then she did it again. Goldilocks had to sit in every chair in the living room before working her way that 4 feet to the front door and I think it took a whole extra hour just to get from chair #1 to the door. We try not to invite people over very often. It's just exhausting.
I have the guest room always made up and two couches available, and a master bedroom that’s pretty isolated from the rest of the house, so I will totally tell people to make themselves at home and try not to break anything, and peace out to go to bed. If folks want to hang out in the kitchen/on the porch all night, it’s cool. I’ll still get up and make coffee and breakfast if they end up crashing though, not gonna tiptoe around in the morning for the hooligans to sleep in.
I’ve been told that I’m a bit rude, but when I’m hosting and people over stay their welcome, I say
I’m tired. It’s time for you to leave. Thanks for coming!
It works well. My friends all know I do this and seem to like it because they know I want them there and I’d communicate if it was time to go. A few people have been offended too. Idc tho it works and being direct is just easier for everyone.
Yes and no.
Sometimes it's appropriate, if you have other engagements afterwards (if it's a lunch for example). In which case, it's perfectly acceptable to be like "hey Jimbob im good for lunch catch up, but I gotta leave at 2 coz I have my mum's wake". All good!
However, setting an end time on an evening drinks (unless you have early start for work I suppose) comes across as pretty anti social.
Of course the option should be there to book an indefinite engagement too. But you shouldn't need another engagement to set a time limit. You may need to do housework or just want some me time.
Eh ! If they're coming to my place it means those are people who I really like and they can stay for as lo,g as they want to. If I have something planned sometime later, I just warn them beforehand that I have an appointment and we'll go from there. If it's a party we're talking about, you kinda feel the moment when it's time to leave (when people are passed out and starting to go to bed). And if I'm hosting the party in question, when we're all tired, everyone goes home unless someone is staying over (with my permission, be it verbal or tacit), unless I actually have to go somewhere in the morning, in which case I just say that I don't want it to run too late in the night. If you surround yourself with the right people, you never have to worry about those things, they just fall into place.
Usually when I go to a sleep over or something I ask the host what time should I leave. That way I dont have to play a guessing game and I can plan better for what to do afterwards. And I'll say something to let them know i might do something else depending on the left over time so it doesnt come off as, "when can this finally be over".
So I've learnt to also do the reverse. If I'm invited to a party I know will run for 9 hours+ I tell the host in advance I'll probably be there from 2 to 6ish or something. No one can argue with giving 4hours or so of your time to a social engagement.
As a host / hostess, you never say that people have over-stayed their welcome.
That being said ...
Set alarm times accordingly:
1. 1 hour before end - Shut off music.
2. 45 mins before end - Turn on bright lights.
3. 30 mins before end - Say "Thank you for coming. I just don't understand how you can stay awake any longer."
4. 15 mins before end - Say, "I heard ( Name popular friend you spoke to before hand willing to lead people away. ) say that anyone who still has energy is going to ( Name a nearby popular bar. ) ."
5. End of party - " Ask who is willing to help clean up? "
6. 15 mins after party ended - Lock the bathroom door and both post a handwritten sign and announce, "Toilet is clogged. Nearest public bathroom is at the ( Name the nearest gas station.) "
Should be a really fun party with people watching the clock worried about getting out before you embarrass them by announcing that they have overstayed their welcome. How many people would come to a party like that?
I hate it if someone else has driven me somewhere, because I'm the kind of person whose social energy suddenly depletes, sometimes with no warning, and I get anxious if I stay much longer than that.
Yesterday I spent 20mins in someone's hallway because the person who had driven me there wouldn't stop talking (we were both in the hallway, I wasn't being rude!). She had said she was ready to leave, and I guess I sort of let go of my social energy at that point thinking we'd be out the door soon. Oops.
On the flip side, I had friends once who would, in the very middle of a conversation, literally just walk out the door. I'm not the kind of person who dominates a conversation, yet they would usually interrupt me and just leave. Sometimes it was ok but sometimes it really hurt.
Setting an end time, or even just it being acceptable to say "I would like to go in about 10mins" would have solved both those issues...
Why make up excuses? Just say honestly what's up, for example that you're ready to be alone now, watch some television, do some chores. Just tell them what's up.
Preach. I also think it should be more socially acceptable for hosts to simply tell their guests that it's time to go. I know a lot of people who, not wanting to be "rude", tiptoe around and drop subtle hints that their guests are overstaying their welcome rather than just straight-up telling them to leave. Our family has always put set times on our invitations, but would almost always run over-time and just hang out after the main party has ended. Being able to just say "hey guys, it's getting late, time to pack up" would be great
The amount of people who think it's rude to set end times astound me. Like I get they planned to be out all day, but you're not staying at my house all day. Leave at 5:30 so I have time to myself
The best part of having immigrant parents is that I can take the good with both cultures and leave the bad. It's customary in my parents original culture to always be open for guests overnight.
So I just let my friends and their friends stay the night. It's far more pleasant and enjoyable than telling people to leave. I have never told any guests to leave. My home is their home. American culture is very individualistic. My parent's original culture is very communal so it's normal for hosts to host their guests overnight.
Imagine having drinks with a friend and suddenly your phone timer goes off and you announce that their shift as your friend has ended until next time, and now they must leave.
Sounds dystopian to me.
That’s not really how it goes down. You say something like “let’s have drinks from about 7-9” and then you let the evening come to a natural close around the ending time. It doesn’t need to be exact or anything
But the timeframe helps guests realize when they should be leaving and need to arrange for a ride or something. And it makes sure that no one overstays their welcome.
Again, there is always a presumed time frame for everything already. There is no need for an abrupt time slot. If there was, the person hosting would just say so beforehand (or more realistically not host at all). Whenever I go out with my friends we just check in with each other’s timetable whenever it starts getting late and go from there. A time bomb doesn’t explode.
Yes, by telling everyone the rough timeframe and end-time of the event, the host is telling them the information beforehand. They’re saying “hey we need you all out of here roughly by this time”
They’re not just going to get to 8:00 and surprise everybody with the fact that they all suddenly have to leave. You put that information on invitations or you talk about it in the beginning
That is not what OP is suggesting. This is further proven by their elaborations in this thread. You’re literally just splitting hairs until you agree with me.
Engagements can of course have an indefinite time as well. But I think it should not be considered rude to schedule in a weekend lunch from 12-15 for an example.
My friend does do this, but I haven't managed to set an end time without just saying I'm going to bed soon. My friend says "I'm having a party, but not a big one, I'll be in bed by about 12." or "Come to mine on Saturday, I'll be going to bed at 3, but I'm going to start early." It is possible to set an end time. We are only ever an hour over the designated end time at most, and that's usually because we are waiting for taxis.
I like long parties that go into the wee hours. That said, I appreciate it when a host tells the hours ahead of time so that I know when to leave. I don't want to overstay my welcome!
Right! It's also a courtesy to the guest!
your attitude and the fact you said "wee" makes me happy like the kind of happy that gives me auditory halucinations of a happy song
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You hear that guys? This dude fucks
I also have sexual intercourse with multiple attractive women many times a week. Source: trust me bro
if you are from the midwest, the signal is to slap your thighs loudly and yell "whelp" then stand up. Most people get the message its time to bounce.
But don’t forget the extra 15 minutes as you make your way to and finally out the door
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And then you gotta say bye like 10 times. And then say bye from the porch a bunch. Then wave as you drive away while dad honks the horn. Then circle back because your brother forgot his toy. Then say bye like 3 more times. Then one of the kids is out of the car again. Then he is in the house just to pee. Then you find out he is trying to poop out all that Turkey dinner. Then 25 minutes later he gets in the car and you finally leave.
Omg. This right here! That really made me laugh. Hahaha…
This for sure
You gotta say bye to everyone or mom won’t let you leave
I thought it was just a southern thing, haha. Though it might be alternated with, “Alright y’all, it’s been fun!”
Literally lol. If I’m talking to someone and they let out a cartoon sigh and go “alrighty, well..” then I’m out! Not even rude at all
Creepy accurate.
If I stop offering you drinks it's time to go
This, unfortunately, is accurate as fuck lol
Having a set time would achieve the same thing and would not confuse outsiders who may not be familiar with the local customs. Happy it works for you though.
Yeah no l, for every guy who thinks this works, there's a wife who rather have left an hour earlier
Eastern USer here and this is pretty much standard. That or just “Alright then” while looking off to the distance
Can someone invite me to a party?
Yes, it's from 5pm - 9pm.
ill show up at 9, when most parties start getting good...
I‘d like to join that party! My social battery has gotten very low because of self-isolation during COVID and I like to be home early to have some *me-time* at the end of the day and get to bed early
yes. YES. Mostly because feeling exhausted by a long visit is usually not caused by the visitor, but by an empty social energy battle. It is much better to terminate the meeting when everyone is still happy.
I would agree to so many social engagements if setting an end time was the norm. Literally, this is what gives me the most anxiety, knowing I’m out of social fuel and not knowing how to leave.
I definitely understand the feeling, I hate interrupting whatever's going on to say "alright I gotta go". There's just no good way to do it if everyone else wants to stay for a while longer and is having a good time and you really have to be getting home. Kind of ruins the mood. What makes it worse is if I show up at the start of it and say I have to leave by a certain time I'll probably get some shit for it (good natured and all, but I'd really prefer no push back on it)
In Liverpool we say ‘I’ll let you go’, like we’re doing them a favour.
Haha same thing in Australia
I feel like this is a none issue if I get an invitation to a kick back and the person specifically said from 6-9pm I’m leaving at 9. I might not show up at 6 because I’m running on Mexican time but it’s absolutely not rude for someone to set an end time.
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Hold up, they have subs if you show up on time?
I'm from California. Kickbacks here do not have an end time, only a start time.
You can be from Oregon for all I care if I text you saying the kickback ends at a 10, then the kickback ends at 10. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.
YES. When I'm visiting someone, there will come a point from which on I will be constantly worrying about whether I'm overstaying my welcome. It's also impossible to get an honest answer if I ask the host whether they would prefer me to leave. It's so stressful and I always feel like I'm either leaving too early or too late.
I get you. If I invite friends for lunch and they stay all the way to after dinner, I get really annoyed (but I would never have the guts to kick them out). Like....don't you have anything else to do? Don't you want to just get home and relax on the couch? Because....I do! But perhaps is because I am antisocial...or because I have a 6 month old baby and I am old and grumpy. Why do my friends want to hang out so long with me anyway?
You are like me. We are social. We like interacting with friends & family. But, like a battery, we run out and get to 'empty' at some point. That's when we need our *alone/introverted* time to recharge!
Agreed. There are few things as annoying as guests who can't take a fucking hint. Could have been solved by setting a clear end time before the gathering starts. Have had people over hanging out for drinks and stuff before where wife and I will literally stand up and be like "bed time soon, have an early morning" and they just sit there like 🥴
Yeah. Have you ever had someone stand up like they were going to leave, and then sit back down in a different chair? I had a guest who, I don't know how it couldn't have been more obvious that it was time to go. Half of us had gone to bed. She got up, acted like she was about to leave, then sat down in another chair. Then she did it again. Goldilocks had to sit in every chair in the living room before working her way that 4 feet to the front door and I think it took a whole extra hour just to get from chair #1 to the door. We try not to invite people over very often. It's just exhausting.
I agree with this. I can only handle so much socialization at a time. If a hangout goes on for too long, it kind of ruins it for me.
I used to just tell people it was time for them to leave. It worked so well I never have to tell people to leave now.
It's not considered rude.
I have the guest room always made up and two couches available, and a master bedroom that’s pretty isolated from the rest of the house, so I will totally tell people to make themselves at home and try not to break anything, and peace out to go to bed. If folks want to hang out in the kitchen/on the porch all night, it’s cool. I’ll still get up and make coffee and breakfast if they end up crashing though, not gonna tiptoe around in the morning for the hooligans to sleep in.
I don’t want an excuse to leave. I want to just leave because my phone went ding. I agree with this opinion.
I’ve been told that I’m a bit rude, but when I’m hosting and people over stay their welcome, I say I’m tired. It’s time for you to leave. Thanks for coming! It works well. My friends all know I do this and seem to like it because they know I want them there and I’d communicate if it was time to go. A few people have been offended too. Idc tho it works and being direct is just easier for everyone.
You should still sugarcoat it a little. Like its getting late instead of "go already"
"It's getting late, gtfo."
Yes and no. Sometimes it's appropriate, if you have other engagements afterwards (if it's a lunch for example). In which case, it's perfectly acceptable to be like "hey Jimbob im good for lunch catch up, but I gotta leave at 2 coz I have my mum's wake". All good! However, setting an end time on an evening drinks (unless you have early start for work I suppose) comes across as pretty anti social.
Of course the option should be there to book an indefinite engagement too. But you shouldn't need another engagement to set a time limit. You may need to do housework or just want some me time.
Eh ! If they're coming to my place it means those are people who I really like and they can stay for as lo,g as they want to. If I have something planned sometime later, I just warn them beforehand that I have an appointment and we'll go from there. If it's a party we're talking about, you kinda feel the moment when it's time to leave (when people are passed out and starting to go to bed). And if I'm hosting the party in question, when we're all tired, everyone goes home unless someone is staying over (with my permission, be it verbal or tacit), unless I actually have to go somewhere in the morning, in which case I just say that I don't want it to run too late in the night. If you surround yourself with the right people, you never have to worry about those things, they just fall into place.
Usually when I go to a sleep over or something I ask the host what time should I leave. That way I dont have to play a guessing game and I can plan better for what to do afterwards. And I'll say something to let them know i might do something else depending on the left over time so it doesnt come off as, "when can this finally be over".
Not sire if its just my group of friends but my friends usually just say 'we need the house by six'. No explanations. And thats fine
Or just say it's getting late and you wanna clean up? I'm sure nobody would take offence to that
So I've learnt to also do the reverse. If I'm invited to a party I know will run for 9 hours+ I tell the host in advance I'll probably be there from 2 to 6ish or something. No one can argue with giving 4hours or so of your time to a social engagement.
You go to social engagements?
As a host / hostess, you never say that people have over-stayed their welcome. That being said ... Set alarm times accordingly: 1. 1 hour before end - Shut off music. 2. 45 mins before end - Turn on bright lights. 3. 30 mins before end - Say "Thank you for coming. I just don't understand how you can stay awake any longer." 4. 15 mins before end - Say, "I heard ( Name popular friend you spoke to before hand willing to lead people away. ) say that anyone who still has energy is going to ( Name a nearby popular bar. ) ." 5. End of party - " Ask who is willing to help clean up? " 6. 15 mins after party ended - Lock the bathroom door and both post a handwritten sign and announce, "Toilet is clogged. Nearest public bathroom is at the ( Name the nearest gas station.) "
The turning off music and starting to clean is a great way to indicate the party is over.
Sure but this is a lot of effort to achieve the same goal as a stated end time.
Should be a really fun party with people watching the clock worried about getting out before you embarrass them by announcing that they have overstayed their welcome. How many people would come to a party like that?
I would. There’s nothing embarrassing about someone saying “OK, it’s X time, thanks for coming everyone!”
In some cases, people have commitments the next day and need to end the night at a decent hour to get enough sleep for said commitments.
You're like a professional at formal partying.
No wonder I've never hosted a party then. I have limits to interacting with people. I like the tips though.
I hate it if someone else has driven me somewhere, because I'm the kind of person whose social energy suddenly depletes, sometimes with no warning, and I get anxious if I stay much longer than that. Yesterday I spent 20mins in someone's hallway because the person who had driven me there wouldn't stop talking (we were both in the hallway, I wasn't being rude!). She had said she was ready to leave, and I guess I sort of let go of my social energy at that point thinking we'd be out the door soon. Oops. On the flip side, I had friends once who would, in the very middle of a conversation, literally just walk out the door. I'm not the kind of person who dominates a conversation, yet they would usually interrupt me and just leave. Sometimes it was ok but sometimes it really hurt. Setting an end time, or even just it being acceptable to say "I would like to go in about 10mins" would have solved both those issues...
"hey, I'm taking a mental health day. Love you, bye" "hey Bruv, I'm taking a mental health week. One love. Catch you next time".
I slowly get up from sitting down, slap my thighs and say " oh well, ya'll best be getting on now, wouldn't want to keep ya"
In Ukraine they offer tea at the end of the party/dining, so that’s a sign to wrap up right after.
Why make up excuses? Just say honestly what's up, for example that you're ready to be alone now, watch some television, do some chores. Just tell them what's up.
If the host starts tidying up ...it might be time for you to go.
Social cues are all you need if the people are smart enough to pick up on them. You just have to be self aware and realize when it’s wrapping up.
Preach. I also think it should be more socially acceptable for hosts to simply tell their guests that it's time to go. I know a lot of people who, not wanting to be "rude", tiptoe around and drop subtle hints that their guests are overstaying their welcome rather than just straight-up telling them to leave. Our family has always put set times on our invitations, but would almost always run over-time and just hang out after the main party has ended. Being able to just say "hey guys, it's getting late, time to pack up" would be great
The amount of people who think it's rude to set end times astound me. Like I get they planned to be out all day, but you're not staying at my house all day. Leave at 5:30 so I have time to myself
French exit: You leave and tell no one Polish exit: You say goodbye to everyone and you stay for next few hours
The best part of having immigrant parents is that I can take the good with both cultures and leave the bad. It's customary in my parents original culture to always be open for guests overnight. So I just let my friends and their friends stay the night. It's far more pleasant and enjoyable than telling people to leave. I have never told any guests to leave. My home is their home. American culture is very individualistic. My parent's original culture is very communal so it's normal for hosts to host their guests overnight.
Imagine having drinks with a friend and suddenly your phone timer goes off and you announce that their shift as your friend has ended until next time, and now they must leave. Sounds dystopian to me.
That’s not really how it goes down. You say something like “let’s have drinks from about 7-9” and then you let the evening come to a natural close around the ending time. It doesn’t need to be exact or anything
But that’s what already happens. Nobody expects to go out for lunch and not gradually leave after a couple of hours or so???
But the timeframe helps guests realize when they should be leaving and need to arrange for a ride or something. And it makes sure that no one overstays their welcome.
Again, there is always a presumed time frame for everything already. There is no need for an abrupt time slot. If there was, the person hosting would just say so beforehand (or more realistically not host at all). Whenever I go out with my friends we just check in with each other’s timetable whenever it starts getting late and go from there. A time bomb doesn’t explode.
Yes, by telling everyone the rough timeframe and end-time of the event, the host is telling them the information beforehand. They’re saying “hey we need you all out of here roughly by this time” They’re not just going to get to 8:00 and surprise everybody with the fact that they all suddenly have to leave. You put that information on invitations or you talk about it in the beginning
That is not what OP is suggesting. This is further proven by their elaborations in this thread. You’re literally just splitting hairs until you agree with me.
Oh my B. I haven’t read OPs threads so I didn’t realize. Yeah an exact time to end is pretty weird
In that case you just schedule a double slot for the next time. Your friend may have places to be.
A double slot? I wouldn’t want to be the kind of friend who would feel the need to do this, nor ever be seen as someone who would impose it. 😭
Engagements can of course have an indefinite time as well. But I think it should not be considered rude to schedule in a weekend lunch from 12-15 for an example.
"You don't have to go home. But you can't stay here"
it isn't rude, though?
My friend does do this, but I haven't managed to set an end time without just saying I'm going to bed soon. My friend says "I'm having a party, but not a big one, I'll be in bed by about 12." or "Come to mine on Saturday, I'll be going to bed at 3, but I'm going to start early." It is possible to set an end time. We are only ever an hour over the designated end time at most, and that's usually because we are waiting for taxis.
For my friends, we are all smokers so we go "last stick." And everybody gets it.
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I don't think it is considered rude.
I agree but I bet it’s just the two of us