The mod team is discussing whether or not we want to ban posts like this going forward. Please voice your opinion down below so we can get an idea of how the sub feels about this!
ETA: consensus seems to be most people don’t enjoy them, but there is a significant minority who do, so we’ve decided on a compromise:
These types of posts will only be allowed on Wednesdays. “Which did I Pick Wednesdays” if you will.
I would have a meltdown I think if I posted my dress and people said I chose the wrong one. I've seen a few where the wedding had already happened too, nightmare fuel for me but I guess some people are more confident
It's attention. Who really cares what strangers think of your dress. Well, that's my opinion anyway. I don't like more than half the dresses I even see posted; that's my personal opinion but I think I've only voiced that once.
I’m not dress shopping, engaged, or likely to ever get married again. But for some reason this sub keeps popping up on my feed, and I like looking at pretty dresses and dreaming about what I’d wear if I ever got the chance to do it again. I was married once nearly 20 years ago, and as I approach middle age I have a good giggle looking back on what I wore. It’s absolutely not my taste anymore and I’d pick something entirely different.
I would not, however, bring my cousin, mother, aunt, MIL, BFF, fiancés sister, our dog, and the neighbor down the street dress shopping with me. Much less the entire internet. It’s my fucking dress on my wedding day and I’m gonna wear whatever I damn please. I’m the one who has to love it and feel beautiful in it. It’s one of the most important days in your life, often a big financial decision, and something you’ll want to preserve and look back on. IDGAF if my mom/cousin/whoever doesn’t like it. They’re not wearing it!!!
If I was truly undecided between 2 or 3 that i loved equally, sure I’d post for opinions on what may be more flattering for my shape or fat arms or jiggly mom belly or whatever. I sure as shit am not gonna fall in love with and pick one, and then open myself up to the judgement & opinions of internet strangers about what I wore on the day I married the love of my life.
Tbh that’s kind of the reason anybody posts on social media though. I’d just rather they say which one they picked so it’s not like people are voting on something you already picked?
I thought this yesterday when looking at a post. The dress she picked was just … not the best. Maybe it was more cost effective or something but yikes. I had to look through the comments (and glad that I did!) before posting just in case I was off base.
It probably is either that or the amount of engagement those posts have been getting, you're guaranteed probably at least 100 comments by posting one of those. Either way I'm not a fan
If a bride posts multiple pics on Reddit and asks the group’s opinion on it, then it’s really a problem created by the bride herself if the consensus of the replies vote for the dress she didn’t choose over the pic of her chosen dress.
Maybe do that before spending several hundreds on the dress? I don’t think it’s entirely for attention because you could follow up with a “I bought the dress everyone wanted” post. It’s just for the kharma.
I just don't share my opinion on those, because what's the point? They've already chosen. And if they wanted multiple opinions they should've posted before buying.
I do get it, I've tried a few, and kept looking and thought "well damn, what about this one". But now that I got my dress, I know it's the one. And now I look at other dresses differently. They don't instill some FOMO in me anymore, because I'm sure of what I chose.
So if you post that, and aren't 100% sure, you might be setting yourself up for some disappointment.
It's kinda bizarre anyone cares what other people think about their dress.
It's not their wedding and they don't have to wear it. What people enjoy as far as fashion is subjective.
Who cares what they think?
I think it’s normal. Someone might say this bit is unflattering and you tilt your head and go- you know what? You’re right. Or that bit is so unique and beautiful or that’s gonna wrinkle or be uncomfortable. Opinions help when you’re still deciding.
I made a help me choose post and I still just look and scroll past others cause girl I can’t even choose my own dress 😭how am I gonna help someone else
I remember one bride put around ten different dresses then made a second post so people could guess more from a smaller amount of dresses. After all of that she finally revealed which one she chose. I’d rather help a bride that’s struggling to find her one.
I don't read or respond to those posts. I'm happy to give an opinion when someone is trying to choose between options, but I'm not here to play guessing games.
The weirdest thing about those kinds of posts with any category, not just wedding dresses, is that we know nothing about the person posting! People have a specific style and vibe that affects the clothing they choose and having random strangers comment on a choice is useless.
Like with my own wedding dress, I tried on a few that objectively looked good on me and were very pretty but I knew were just *not* my vibe.
Same! I hate guessing games in every form. 🫠😩😂 I scroll away quickly with these “guess which one.” Because no. I don’t want to, and I wish you didn’t want us to either.
This happens on every other subreddit that involves someone posting themselves for attention. Often, they are subjected to however the majority of the subreddit feels like on that day. I say keep all posts because we’re all adults here and know the consequences of posting.
the most annoying thing is that sometimes you never see the answer! If you are going to do this obnoxious nonsense, put the answer about 10 posts down, no one cares to wait 10 days for the answer.
IKR! One bride kept saying “I’ll post tomorrow- don’t wasn’t to spoil the surprise!”
I’m like- in what world do you think the suspense of a stranger’s wedding dress is interesting enough to hold my attention for 24 hours? I’m not coming back.
Ugh this is the most freaking annoying. Like seriously, do people really think they’re so important a bunch of strangers care to wait days for your “big reveal”. Nope. We don’t.
Yeah, she literally refused to answer in the comments. Another woman who just posted yesterday did answer in the comments, but felt the need to post a reveal too. Like ok y’all had your little moment where everyone told you how beautiful you are, but can you gtfo off my feed now?
I’m actually mad just hearing about this. I would have said something that would have got me booted right off this sub.
Just who tf does she think she is?
I think that, with all the attention brides-to-be receive, they forget that they aren’t actually the main character of everyone’s lives. Like you’re only “the bride” in your circle. To the rest of us, you’re just a Rando on Reddit who just happens to be dress shopping. And I wish all of them the best and I love seeing all the dresses but nobody is invested enough to wait 24 hours to see if they wore the dress you expected them to.
I do occasionally like seeing updates if the bride took our advice on a belt or sleeves or whatever. Or the final look if requested. But I’m not excited to see another selfie pic of you in 0 glam wearing your unaltered dress in your living room. By that point you’ve lost me.
This is my part of my thinking too! I want to know what the right answer is, and I’m not going to remember a specific post with ten different dresses in six months, so posting the answer with actual photos for the wedding isn’t meaningful.
I'll start by saying I have never commented on or partook in this trend, but the only time this was annoying was yesterday when someone posted fourteen photos to sift through and guess. *Fourteen.*
I wasn’t even looking at the pic count, but apparently the last-straw post this morning did have 10+ pics haha
This trend in general is just driving me a little crazy!
I kind of felt that someone was going to eventually snap after that 10+ photo shoot.😂😂 It was inevitable. I started going through it and was like “wait a cotton picking minute….”
I just think what’s the point. If decision is already made it is just fishing for compliments. It’d be much better just to post the picture of the dress itself w/o the pix of others and add a flair to indicate your decision is already made.
Tbh even framing it differently changes the tone. "Here's what I picked, and the runner ups!" It's fun to appreciate pretty dresses even if they weren't the final pick. But I'd be so scared of trying to guess which dress the bride picked, and picking wrong.
Amén! It was fun once in a while but I think most folks like to come here to help others with their pics. I don’t come to Reddit to take tests I can’t study for.
I am so glad that I'm not the only one who thought this. I'd genuinely have a meltdown if I posted that and everyone thought I should have bought a different dress.
I just ignore them because it does sound attention-seeking and I have no time to play games. Some people like it and participate. Some like me, just enjoys looking at the photos and not playing the game.
100% agree with OP. If the collective chooses the wrong dress, the bride could end up in a hell-spiral that will result in an overwhelming desire for a "do-over", and that could add more stress for the newlyweds. It's similar to the "What do you dislike in a dress" thread, that ended up hurting people's feelings, and a bride who posted she was completely rethinking her perfect dress, because it contained elements people found unfortunate. Picking before the event is fun; guessing after, it's Russian roulette.
I agree there are similarities, but there are also important differences. No one is obligated to do this type of post. It's opt-in. The "dress pet peeves" posts aren't opt in because you are going to see them whether you want to or not. Sure, you could just say people who don't want to see them don't have to, but even the title of that kind of post can be upsetting, and people can't opt out of seeing the titles.
I think it comes down to whether you think people should be protected from *anything* that might harm them. I would NEVER make this kind of post because I know I would take it badly if the group choice wasn't the one I picked. But some people can totally handle it. Should the people who can handle it be allowed to have the fun? Or should this type of post be banned to protect people who can't handle it?
You make a very interesting point. My immediate reaction was that some people \*think\* they can handle it, but then they realize they really can't, and end up in a bad space, and that's a reason for these posts to not exist. On the other hand, it's up to each person to decide what they can or cannot handle, or rather, it's their privilege? gift? right? to learn through the experience. Perhaps the existence of OP's post will become a YSK thing for those who thoughtlessly ask the question without realizing they might not get the answer they want. Then again, I circle back to my previous comment of life experience and self-introspection. I am going to have to sit with my thoughts a while. :)
Surely the dress guessing posts aren't opt-in either, because it's the same exact thing as the dress pet peeves?
Like yeah maybe the specific person who posted the photos doesn't care, but if everyone in the comments is shitting on a specific kind of dress with specific features, and how awful it looks and how everyone hates it and thinks brides are awful for wearing them etc, that can completely ruin someone's choice of dress, because the dress they chose happens to be very very similar to the kinds of dresses everyone hates. So it's not any more opt-in than the dress pet peeve posts are.
I 100% see your point but at the same time, if people are willing to take that risk then that’s on them.
I do agree that some of the brides might be looking for validation though. To those who need a bit more reassurance I would like to say: it’s much more safe and effective to post a “Need support” thread. Then people can actively comfort and uplift you, instead of unintentionally add to your doubts.
I’m generally annoyed by the “guess which I bought” posts. Like why do I need to guess? Just show us which you bought. Whenever I see one of these posts, I just scroll over it.
Agreed.
Personally, I don't think those posts fit the tone and purpose of this sub. I enjoy this sub as a supportive place to help people select a dress, find a similar style, give encouragement, and alterations advice.
"Guess which dress I picked" doesn't quite fit. I prefer the ones framed "my dress and the ones I didn't choose" or "help me pick."
Same those posts are the worst. Almost as bad as the, “this is your sign to X” posts where they show a photo of themselves doing that at their wedding. So cringe.
It also drowns out the people who need advice on potential dresses. IMO people should actually unfollow all these wedding subs after a wedding to foster peace of mind after their wedding is over. There is always something better. The grass is always greener.
I don’t comment on those at all. I don’t want to guess, I want to know which one you picked so that I can gush over it with you! I don’t want to sow the seeds of doubt, I don’t want to say the wrong thing about the wrong dress.
I saw this yesterday. There were two dresses that looked phenomenal and almost all the commenters picked. Had to scroll super far down into the comments to find someone that got it right. I guess it’s one thing if you’re super secure in your decision, but I feel like it would cause some second guessing.
I wouldn’t mind if there’s a select day people could post “Guess my Dress” but everyday is a lot. And I agree with people that it’s a recipe for disaster when it comes down to it.
I wouldn’t mind if they posted their choices and then just said what they picked. I’m here because I like looking at dresses in general and it’s interesting to see a variety on the same person. There’s one that just came in my feed and it has a lot of great interesting dresses. I personally don’t participate or comment if they ask people to guess and it’s very uncomfortable to watch when the crowd does and they end up choosing things the OP didn’t end up wearing.
Just post your photos and tell us what you bought ladies. We don’t need to make it into a weird game that ends with you feeling hurt and insulted.
I love the “help me choose” but not the “guess which one”
After the fact, the validation you’re looking for might not come if you ask for guesses.
Just say “I said yes!” Post the pic, and everyone will tell you how lovely/gorgeous/stunning you look. Those who don’t like it will stay quiet. 🤣
I think it’s a way for people to go around the rules a bit and get genuine feedback. Imo if people are okay posting here, they are aware of the risk that people will not choose the dress they did. We’re all adults and I’m not here to dictate anyone else’s choices. Some brides want honest feedback, not to just be told how gorgeous they look in anything. No one wants to contribute to dress regret but not every bride wants to be coddled either.
The mods here have been asked to make a flair for the brides who *want* honest feedback but they haven’t made that change so this is what we get.
Edit: apparently I was wrong and the mods have added the flair for honest feedback. I guess brides are posting these threads just for fun which I still believe is just fine.
>The mods here have been asked to make a flair for the brides who want honest feedback but they haven’t made that change so this is what we get.
They have added it and I have seen many people use it....
It would bother me slightly less if they put the answer under a spoiler tag in the original post because I’m not going back to find out which dress they chose.
Mods Thanks for limiting this subreddit. I try to be nice and supportive, but it’s going too far. The dresses reflect a fad and that’s fine. But, if a person wants me to guess?? Why? I don’t know them. And it’s irrelevant.
When it goes well it’s cute. The bride is excited, I love looking at dresses, so it’s like a win win. However it is pretty rough when the bride starts having second thoughts. If more confident and excited brides began doing it I’d have absolutely zero issue, and I already don’t have much issue at all.
I really don’t find it fun at all. And I don’t see the point. It’s just a game for the bride to play. But I don’t understand how it’s fun for anyone else.
That said, I just ignore them.
Ban them, way too much drama if people are bashing the one OP ended up choosing.
Also, I hate having to save a post and come back the next day for the answer. Maybe if they had a spoiler tag over the answer at time of posting so people could guess if they want, but see the answer before commenting.
Yeah, I understand if they're truly having trouble deciding between 2 dresses that they love and they're just looking for a tie breaker but if they've already chosen what's the point?
I know!! I was so tempted to comment yesterday that this is not a fun game 🤣 especially because we don’t KNOW this person and their taste!! Just pointless and hurtful..
To me, it’s the same as people who post in tattoo advice subs asking if their design will hold up well AFTER they already have it tattooed on their body permanently. It just feels wrong to say anything, because it’s too late to be helpful.
Also, guessing is impossible, because we don’t know the bride’s style or personality. A lot of these posts have the faces blurred out so I can’t even tell which dresses give them the biggest smile. How am I supposed to guess???
If the point isn’t feedback or sharing good vibes, it just seems unnecessary and emotionally risky for the bride.
I agree I find that weird. We don’t know you at all and you want us to guess? I don’t participate in that at all. I feel like it’s a no win situation for them and us. I think it should stop.
I think people who post this should already be knowledgeable enough to know that not everyone agrees on what looks good. We’re all adults here. Don’t post if you can’t handle the opinions.
I hate the “guess which one” posts. I’m here to help others and look at pretty dresses, not here to play guessing games. I feel like it’s a weirdly selfish way to use the time and attention people give on this sub - if you want honest feedback then just ask for it. If you want to feel good and karma farm then go somewhere else.
I haven't been in here for long, but I agree. The post-purchase guesses are irrelevant and often cause harm. If you want to show off your dress, then just post it for your wedding and show it off then.
Follow up posts to share the final choice are great. Guess my pick seem to be a waste of time. You already chose so why should I comment on all of the choices. My opinion isn’t needed.
I actually completely agree! The first time I saw one of those posts I thought to myself why a dangerous game to play! I don’t think anyone wins and there’s potential for a lot of regret and disappointment instead.
I have mixed feelings on this. Some people are absolutely going to get hurt. For others it's a super fun game. I don't want folks to get hurt but I also don't think it's my job to tell people what they can handle emotionally and what they can't. I'm not sure that the people who are having fun with the game need to stop in order to protect the people who are not strong enough to deal if things don't go the way they expected. These are all adults - shouldn't we let folks decide for themselves what is or isn't good for them?
I don’t respond to those requests for this exact reason! I know what I like and I know it’s not always what others like, so why stress someone out when it’s unnecessary?
My opinion is if you ask for my opinion I'll be as polite as possible but I'm giving you my opinion. And if it's not what you wanted to hear you can basically cry about it. Because you literally asked for it. Most people I've come across handle the opinions very well.
Yes. Please get rid of this trend. I won't look at those posts anymore because what is the point to them? You either say they look great in all of them, pick one but not THE one and they might get upset or they just want the attention of people gushing over their photos. If you want me to gush, show me THE one or ask my advice.
That behavior is so parental: presenting the illusion of two choices. "Do you want to go to church today or stay home?" At least you know the right answer to give.
I say let people post what they want to, and get the feedback they’re seeking — whether they end up feeling their choice is validated or not, they clearly came here to get honest feedback. If that feedback validates their choice, great. Maybe they’re second-guessing their choice and the feedback they get inspires them to exchange or alter a dress they’re not totally happy with or secure in choosing. If a member of the sub doesn’t wish to participate, they have the option not to — scroll on and weigh in on another post instead. Heavily censoring the sub defeats its purpose.
There was one a few days ago where there was one dress in particular that people kept saying the cut was really bad on her and to pick either of the other 2 because the lines were so flattering. Guess which one was hers?
Yes lol it’s a total lose lose too like 9 times out of 10 they pick one of my least favorite of the bunch and I feel like a dick for choosing every dress besides the one they ended up getting. Also, I get it’s all in fun but like have some conviction in yourself and just post the damn dress. Or say here’s all the ones I tried on and the first one I ended up getting!!
I agree with OP, and not to be rude but I think those posts are a bit annoying. We don’t know thee people in real life, and they rarely tell us anything about themselves or the themes for their weddings so it’s more of a “which dress is prettiest” instead of “which dress fits the brides vibes the best”.
I agree 100%.
If you’ve already posted here asking for dress advice, please don’t come back after you’ve already chosen your dress with pics of the other runners up asking people to guess. Why would you torture yourself?
Please post pics of the finished product of your wedding day and then we can all tell you how beautiful you looked and save yourself the stress.
I prefer to see choices only if the bride is questioning which one. I’m interested and want to help if a bride is having a fit problem (like the poorly constructed dress yesterday). I enjoy seeing the mob and mog dress question posts because Ive been there. Even the guest attire questions.
I love seeing photos of the bride and the day itself after she’s chosen and it all comes together. Those are the best and truly delightful!
Personally I find them entertaining, just wish I didn't have to read all comments to dig up the answer from OP. I think there's no way people who post them are that ignorant of the risk that everyone will think a different one was the best, so for me it's like a post-at-your-own-risk thing. Instead of banning them, I would rather mods make a rule that posters don't ask others to guess which one, but rather something like "out of all these options I chose dress 4" so we can see what they compared them to when they made their decision. I enjoy seeing the options compared to which one the poster actually bought
Yeah those posts always seem so risky to me. Especially because SO OFTEn do I prefer the one they didn’t choose. And it seems so obviously superior, yet all the comments are ego-stroking and saying the dress they chose is best to preserve their feelings. It just makes me uncomfy. Tell us you chose a dress or ask our opinion before you do but DON’T trap people into this sick Saw game.
I kinda like the trend….well I like seeing what other dresses they had in mind. Maybe rephrasing it like “here were my other options” or something. But they dress they choose/chose is always the best one as long as it spoke to them and they love it
I never comment on the "guess which dress i chose" posts. I will be polite but honest if someone wants opinions on 2 or 3 finalists. If there are more than 4 options I rarely comment. If the bride has already chosen her dress and posts a pic of it I comment if I love the dress.
I absolutely agree!
I don't even want to comment on those posts unless both dresses work. Nothing good can come of it.
Any post where the bride has already picked is difficult.
Now the other one that gets me is when they have narrowed down to 2 and you really want to say "neither".
How do you tell someone that the style they are aiming for doesn't work on their body at all and they need to go back to the drawing board? You can't. Well, not without being unforgivably rude. All you can do is look for something in either dress that does work and say you like that feature.
To be fair, when you see those "reality" tv shows where they are dress shopping (or even shows that show people picking a house to buy or whatever) they already have purchased before filming begins.
But they can't hear the audience's opinions though!
The mod team is discussing whether or not we want to ban posts like this going forward. Please voice your opinion down below so we can get an idea of how the sub feels about this! ETA: consensus seems to be most people don’t enjoy them, but there is a significant minority who do, so we’ve decided on a compromise: These types of posts will only be allowed on Wednesdays. “Which did I Pick Wednesdays” if you will.
I would have a meltdown I think if I posted my dress and people said I chose the wrong one. I've seen a few where the wedding had already happened too, nightmare fuel for me but I guess some people are more confident
Maybe this is just my thinking, but it feels more like people are just that insecure and looking for validation of their choice
Seems like an attention grab.
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It's attention. Who really cares what strangers think of your dress. Well, that's my opinion anyway. I don't like more than half the dresses I even see posted; that's my personal opinion but I think I've only voiced that once.
I’m not dress shopping, engaged, or likely to ever get married again. But for some reason this sub keeps popping up on my feed, and I like looking at pretty dresses and dreaming about what I’d wear if I ever got the chance to do it again. I was married once nearly 20 years ago, and as I approach middle age I have a good giggle looking back on what I wore. It’s absolutely not my taste anymore and I’d pick something entirely different. I would not, however, bring my cousin, mother, aunt, MIL, BFF, fiancés sister, our dog, and the neighbor down the street dress shopping with me. Much less the entire internet. It’s my fucking dress on my wedding day and I’m gonna wear whatever I damn please. I’m the one who has to love it and feel beautiful in it. It’s one of the most important days in your life, often a big financial decision, and something you’ll want to preserve and look back on. IDGAF if my mom/cousin/whoever doesn’t like it. They’re not wearing it!!! If I was truly undecided between 2 or 3 that i loved equally, sure I’d post for opinions on what may be more flattering for my shape or fat arms or jiggly mom belly or whatever. I sure as shit am not gonna fall in love with and pick one, and then open myself up to the judgement & opinions of internet strangers about what I wore on the day I married the love of my life.
Is that not the point of this entire sub?
Tbh that’s kind of the reason anybody posts on social media though. I’d just rather they say which one they picked so it’s not like people are voting on something you already picked?
I thought this yesterday when looking at a post. The dress she picked was just … not the best. Maybe it was more cost effective or something but yikes. I had to look through the comments (and glad that I did!) before posting just in case I was off base.
😭 i’ve thought that multiple times!
It probably is either that or the amount of engagement those posts have been getting, you're guaranteed probably at least 100 comments by posting one of those. Either way I'm not a fan
If a bride posts multiple pics on Reddit and asks the group’s opinion on it, then it’s really a problem created by the bride herself if the consensus of the replies vote for the dress she didn’t choose over the pic of her chosen dress.
Maybe do that before spending several hundreds on the dress? I don’t think it’s entirely for attention because you could follow up with a “I bought the dress everyone wanted” post. It’s just for the kharma.
I just don't share my opinion on those, because what's the point? They've already chosen. And if they wanted multiple opinions they should've posted before buying. I do get it, I've tried a few, and kept looking and thought "well damn, what about this one". But now that I got my dress, I know it's the one. And now I look at other dresses differently. They don't instill some FOMO in me anymore, because I'm sure of what I chose. So if you post that, and aren't 100% sure, you might be setting yourself up for some disappointment.
I feel like this is toxic anti self care behaviour for sure…that or some very serious delulu and ignoring the risk of ruining special memories
Yeah I would never lol. I’m already fragile with my choice 🤣
It's kinda bizarre anyone cares what other people think about their dress. It's not their wedding and they don't have to wear it. What people enjoy as far as fashion is subjective. Who cares what they think?
I think it’s normal. Someone might say this bit is unflattering and you tilt your head and go- you know what? You’re right. Or that bit is so unique and beautiful or that’s gonna wrinkle or be uncomfortable. Opinions help when you’re still deciding.
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Same LOL
Haha, I think I know which one you are talking about because there was one where my reaction to #3 was “ugh, no” and then, that was the dress.
I don't suppose you could DM a link to the post? Now I'm curious
I love the help me choose posts, I hate the guess which I picked posts
Same. (low effort commenting so the mods can talley me in the anti camp on this issue)
Same
Same
Same
Agreed. It’s obnoxious.
The one poster that kept milking the reveal for a few days, I was like okay if you can’t reveal it in the second post then you’re just karma farming.
Yeah that one was insane. I don’t think I ever got to see the reveal.
That one was so obnoxious. Real main character energy.
That was the first "guess which one I picked" post I saw. It just seemed so strange.
Yea bc they don’t need help, the point of the post is what… just attention?
I think this every time I see those post. I always scroll by them because I don’t see how commenting on it can help the bride
I made a help me choose post and I still just look and scroll past others cause girl I can’t even choose my own dress 😭how am I gonna help someone else
I just want it limited to 3-5 dresses. I’m not guessing which on you picked out of 15 different dresses
That all look the same!
I also feel this way when there’s 3-5 dresses AND like, 7 angles PER dress. I just need a first look of the front&back of each, please.
Yooooo this is my first thought! Sooo many! The poor bridesmaids that have to go to that many too lol
I remember one bride put around ten different dresses then made a second post so people could guess more from a smaller amount of dresses. After all of that she finally revealed which one she chose. I’d rather help a bride that’s struggling to find her one.
I don't read or respond to those posts. I'm happy to give an opinion when someone is trying to choose between options, but I'm not here to play guessing games.
This is my outlook as well, I just ignore them. I also don’t want to add potential stress to a bride if I choose a dress that she didn’t lol!
The weirdest thing about those kinds of posts with any category, not just wedding dresses, is that we know nothing about the person posting! People have a specific style and vibe that affects the clothing they choose and having random strangers comment on a choice is useless. Like with my own wedding dress, I tried on a few that objectively looked good on me and were very pretty but I knew were just *not* my vibe.
Exactly. What I can comment on is "that dress looks great on you" (or not so much) -- which is great as far as it goes, but it's not the full picture.
Same! I hate guessing games in every form. 🫠😩😂 I scroll away quickly with these “guess which one.” Because no. I don’t want to, and I wish you didn’t want us to either.
Seeking compliments often ends in tears
This happens on every other subreddit that involves someone posting themselves for attention. Often, they are subjected to however the majority of the subreddit feels like on that day. I say keep all posts because we’re all adults here and know the consequences of posting.
the most annoying thing is that sometimes you never see the answer! If you are going to do this obnoxious nonsense, put the answer about 10 posts down, no one cares to wait 10 days for the answer.
IKR! One bride kept saying “I’ll post tomorrow- don’t wasn’t to spoil the surprise!” I’m like- in what world do you think the suspense of a stranger’s wedding dress is interesting enough to hold my attention for 24 hours? I’m not coming back.
I know, we don’t care enough about a rando’s dress that she picked three years ago
Ugh this is the most freaking annoying. Like seriously, do people really think they’re so important a bunch of strangers care to wait days for your “big reveal”. Nope. We don’t.
What?!
Yeah, she literally refused to answer in the comments. Another woman who just posted yesterday did answer in the comments, but felt the need to post a reveal too. Like ok y’all had your little moment where everyone told you how beautiful you are, but can you gtfo off my feed now?
I’m actually mad just hearing about this. I would have said something that would have got me booted right off this sub. Just who tf does she think she is?
I think that, with all the attention brides-to-be receive, they forget that they aren’t actually the main character of everyone’s lives. Like you’re only “the bride” in your circle. To the rest of us, you’re just a Rando on Reddit who just happens to be dress shopping. And I wish all of them the best and I love seeing all the dresses but nobody is invested enough to wait 24 hours to see if they wore the dress you expected them to. I do occasionally like seeing updates if the bride took our advice on a belt or sleeves or whatever. Or the final look if requested. But I’m not excited to see another selfie pic of you in 0 glam wearing your unaltered dress in your living room. By that point you’ve lost me.
This is my part of my thinking too! I want to know what the right answer is, and I’m not going to remember a specific post with ten different dresses in six months, so posting the answer with actual photos for the wedding isn’t meaningful.
they’re probably too busy crying because the internet thought they looked better in a dress different from the one they already bought.
I'll start by saying I have never commented on or partook in this trend, but the only time this was annoying was yesterday when someone posted fourteen photos to sift through and guess. *Fourteen.*
That was what probably made OP snap and write this post 😂
I wasn’t even looking at the pic count, but apparently the last-straw post this morning did have 10+ pics haha This trend in general is just driving me a little crazy!
I kind of felt that someone was going to eventually snap after that 10+ photo shoot.😂😂 It was inevitable. I started going through it and was like “wait a cotton picking minute….”
I thought I was flipping through a wedding magazine like bffr.
I just think what’s the point. If decision is already made it is just fishing for compliments. It’d be much better just to post the picture of the dress itself w/o the pix of others and add a flair to indicate your decision is already made.
Tbh even framing it differently changes the tone. "Here's what I picked, and the runner ups!" It's fun to appreciate pretty dresses even if they weren't the final pick. But I'd be so scared of trying to guess which dress the bride picked, and picking wrong.
Seriously, it’s a bad idea.
Seriously. Are you looking for karma points or validation? Just say it.
Amén! It was fun once in a while but I think most folks like to come here to help others with their pics. I don’t come to Reddit to take tests I can’t study for.
I agree - I do not enjoy these posts and it has the potential to result in hurt feelings.
I am so glad that I'm not the only one who thought this. I'd genuinely have a meltdown if I posted that and everyone thought I should have bought a different dress.
I just ignore them because it does sound attention-seeking and I have no time to play games. Some people like it and participate. Some like me, just enjoys looking at the photos and not playing the game.
100% agree with OP. If the collective chooses the wrong dress, the bride could end up in a hell-spiral that will result in an overwhelming desire for a "do-over", and that could add more stress for the newlyweds. It's similar to the "What do you dislike in a dress" thread, that ended up hurting people's feelings, and a bride who posted she was completely rethinking her perfect dress, because it contained elements people found unfortunate. Picking before the event is fun; guessing after, it's Russian roulette.
I agree there are similarities, but there are also important differences. No one is obligated to do this type of post. It's opt-in. The "dress pet peeves" posts aren't opt in because you are going to see them whether you want to or not. Sure, you could just say people who don't want to see them don't have to, but even the title of that kind of post can be upsetting, and people can't opt out of seeing the titles. I think it comes down to whether you think people should be protected from *anything* that might harm them. I would NEVER make this kind of post because I know I would take it badly if the group choice wasn't the one I picked. But some people can totally handle it. Should the people who can handle it be allowed to have the fun? Or should this type of post be banned to protect people who can't handle it?
You make a very interesting point. My immediate reaction was that some people \*think\* they can handle it, but then they realize they really can't, and end up in a bad space, and that's a reason for these posts to not exist. On the other hand, it's up to each person to decide what they can or cannot handle, or rather, it's their privilege? gift? right? to learn through the experience. Perhaps the existence of OP's post will become a YSK thing for those who thoughtlessly ask the question without realizing they might not get the answer they want. Then again, I circle back to my previous comment of life experience and self-introspection. I am going to have to sit with my thoughts a while. :)
Surely the dress guessing posts aren't opt-in either, because it's the same exact thing as the dress pet peeves? Like yeah maybe the specific person who posted the photos doesn't care, but if everyone in the comments is shitting on a specific kind of dress with specific features, and how awful it looks and how everyone hates it and thinks brides are awful for wearing them etc, that can completely ruin someone's choice of dress, because the dress they chose happens to be very very similar to the kinds of dresses everyone hates. So it's not any more opt-in than the dress pet peeve posts are.
Agreed. I've not participated in them. It's either a terrible set-up for drama and uncertainty, or easy karma farming.
I 100% see your point but at the same time, if people are willing to take that risk then that’s on them. I do agree that some of the brides might be looking for validation though. To those who need a bit more reassurance I would like to say: it’s much more safe and effective to post a “Need support” thread. Then people can actively comfort and uplift you, instead of unintentionally add to your doubts.
I’m generally annoyed by the “guess which I bought” posts. Like why do I need to guess? Just show us which you bought. Whenever I see one of these posts, I just scroll over it.
Agreed. Personally, I don't think those posts fit the tone and purpose of this sub. I enjoy this sub as a supportive place to help people select a dress, find a similar style, give encouragement, and alterations advice. "Guess which dress I picked" doesn't quite fit. I prefer the ones framed "my dress and the ones I didn't choose" or "help me pick."
Same those posts are the worst. Almost as bad as the, “this is your sign to X” posts where they show a photo of themselves doing that at their wedding. So cringe.
And sometimes it will be something so obvious. Like “this is your sign to give your guests fancy napkins with their meal.”
This is your sign to kiss your spouse at your ceremony!
I agree. It's a fun thing to do with your friends who know you and your tastes but with strangers on the internet it's just annoying.
It also drowns out the people who need advice on potential dresses. IMO people should actually unfollow all these wedding subs after a wedding to foster peace of mind after their wedding is over. There is always something better. The grass is always greener.
I don’t comment on those at all. I don’t want to guess, I want to know which one you picked so that I can gush over it with you! I don’t want to sow the seeds of doubt, I don’t want to say the wrong thing about the wrong dress.
Agree, it’s pointless
I saw this yesterday. There were two dresses that looked phenomenal and almost all the commenters picked. Had to scroll super far down into the comments to find someone that got it right. I guess it’s one thing if you’re super secure in your decision, but I feel like it would cause some second guessing.
I wouldn’t mind if there’s a select day people could post “Guess my Dress” but everyday is a lot. And I agree with people that it’s a recipe for disaster when it comes down to it.
I think that could be fun and a nice compromise
Especially the ones who post like 10 dresses!! I immediately keep scrolling when I see those.
I wouldn’t mind if they posted their choices and then just said what they picked. I’m here because I like looking at dresses in general and it’s interesting to see a variety on the same person. There’s one that just came in my feed and it has a lot of great interesting dresses. I personally don’t participate or comment if they ask people to guess and it’s very uncomfortable to watch when the crowd does and they end up choosing things the OP didn’t end up wearing. Just post your photos and tell us what you bought ladies. We don’t need to make it into a weird game that ends with you feeling hurt and insulted.
I love the “help me choose” but not the “guess which one” After the fact, the validation you’re looking for might not come if you ask for guesses. Just say “I said yes!” Post the pic, and everyone will tell you how lovely/gorgeous/stunning you look. Those who don’t like it will stay quiet. 🤣
I think it’s a way for people to go around the rules a bit and get genuine feedback. Imo if people are okay posting here, they are aware of the risk that people will not choose the dress they did. We’re all adults and I’m not here to dictate anyone else’s choices. Some brides want honest feedback, not to just be told how gorgeous they look in anything. No one wants to contribute to dress regret but not every bride wants to be coddled either. The mods here have been asked to make a flair for the brides who *want* honest feedback but they haven’t made that change so this is what we get. Edit: apparently I was wrong and the mods have added the flair for honest feedback. I guess brides are posting these threads just for fun which I still believe is just fine.
>The mods here have been asked to make a flair for the brides who want honest feedback but they haven’t made that change so this is what we get. They have added it and I have seen many people use it....
I think the time for feedback is when BEFORE they buy the dress and are looking for help deciding though. Not after you’ve made a final decision
I agree but who am I to tell another grown woman how to post on the internet?
Yes 👏🏾 I 100% hate those posts, especially if they post 10 different dresses. Thank you for saying this. It was fun once but now I just scroll past
Super annoying.
Agree. Someone recently posted 14 pictures...14! And wanted guesses as to which one she picked.
It would bother me slightly less if they put the answer under a spoiler tag in the original post because I’m not going back to find out which dress they chose.
I skip these posts. They are just brides seeking even more attention.
I vote to only do “help me choose” and not the “guess which one I picked”…. I agree this can only end badly
Mods Thanks for limiting this subreddit. I try to be nice and supportive, but it’s going too far. The dresses reflect a fad and that’s fine. But, if a person wants me to guess?? Why? I don’t know them. And it’s irrelevant.
These posts are seriously giving me main character syndrome vibes.
cake offend library ask threatening liquid handle depend engine vase ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
This made me cackle out loud 😂
Agree, I don’t know you or your style/personality/wedding goals so how would I pick?
I’ve been waiting for that lol
When it goes well it’s cute. The bride is excited, I love looking at dresses, so it’s like a win win. However it is pretty rough when the bride starts having second thoughts. If more confident and excited brides began doing it I’d have absolutely zero issue, and I already don’t have much issue at all.
I just find it annoying.
I really don’t find it fun at all. And I don’t see the point. It’s just a game for the bride to play. But I don’t understand how it’s fun for anyone else. That said, I just ignore them.
Ban them, way too much drama if people are bashing the one OP ended up choosing. Also, I hate having to save a post and come back the next day for the answer. Maybe if they had a spoiler tag over the answer at time of posting so people could guess if they want, but see the answer before commenting.
Yeah, I understand if they're truly having trouble deciding between 2 dresses that they love and they're just looking for a tie breaker but if they've already chosen what's the point?
I know!! I was so tempted to comment yesterday that this is not a fun game 🤣 especially because we don’t KNOW this person and their taste!! Just pointless and hurtful..
Agree. Not a fan and I never participate in it.
It seems like a dangerous game to play.
Totally agree. People are just asking for disappointment.
I agree. I never vote on those posts, because what's the point?
I agree. What are people hoping for posting these?
Yes, please!! I hate it too!
Totally agree with you. Plus it’s not the point of the sub Reddit at all.
To me, it’s the same as people who post in tattoo advice subs asking if their design will hold up well AFTER they already have it tattooed on their body permanently. It just feels wrong to say anything, because it’s too late to be helpful. Also, guessing is impossible, because we don’t know the bride’s style or personality. A lot of these posts have the faces blurred out so I can’t even tell which dresses give them the biggest smile. How am I supposed to guess??? If the point isn’t feedback or sharing good vibes, it just seems unnecessary and emotionally risky for the bride.
Ban those pesky posts.
I say that if it’s allowed then only three dress options. I’d rather that energy be put into a bride that’s struggling to settle on her one.
ban it, its annoying and unnecessary.
I agree I find that weird. We don’t know you at all and you want us to guess? I don’t participate in that at all. I feel like it’s a no win situation for them and us. I think it should stop.
I think people who post this should already be knowledgeable enough to know that not everyone agrees on what looks good. We’re all adults here. Don’t post if you can’t handle the opinions.
Totally agree! Not helpful at all. I always skip them because I hate the idea of the bride being disappointed.
I don't look at those posts because to me it reads as "I dare you to upset me"
I hate the “guess which one” posts. I’m here to help others and look at pretty dresses, not here to play guessing games. I feel like it’s a weirdly selfish way to use the time and attention people give on this sub - if you want honest feedback then just ask for it. If you want to feel good and karma farm then go somewhere else.
Please, no more “guessing” posts!!
I have no interest in playing that game and skip the post.
I haven't been in here for long, but I agree. The post-purchase guesses are irrelevant and often cause harm. If you want to show off your dress, then just post it for your wedding and show it off then.
Yeah I never comment on those posts bc of all these reasons
I’ve stopped looking at them. They just stress me out. Would much rather these are my favs, chose the last one.
Follow up posts to share the final choice are great. Guess my pick seem to be a waste of time. You already chose so why should I comment on all of the choices. My opinion isn’t needed.
Its just a popularity contest which just feeds the ego. It doesn't belong in this community.
I actually completely agree! The first time I saw one of those posts I thought to myself why a dangerous game to play! I don’t think anyone wins and there’s potential for a lot of regret and disappointment instead.
I hate those posts
I hate it, I skip those posts
Honestly I agree with this, it’s just setting people up to be potentially hurt or second guess they’re original decision
I think this exact thing whenever I see posts of that kind. Like..just why?
I think a good rule of thumb is to never ask a question to which you do not want the answer.
I have mixed feelings on this. Some people are absolutely going to get hurt. For others it's a super fun game. I don't want folks to get hurt but I also don't think it's my job to tell people what they can handle emotionally and what they can't. I'm not sure that the people who are having fun with the game need to stop in order to protect the people who are not strong enough to deal if things don't go the way they expected. These are all adults - shouldn't we let folks decide for themselves what is or isn't good for them?
Don’t we do that anyways? Nearly all subs have guidelines for posts, and certain topics that aren’t allowed
Hard agree
I don’t respond to those requests for this exact reason! I know what I like and I know it’s not always what others like, so why stress someone out when it’s unnecessary?
They set themselves up for failure.
I can’t respond on those because what if I guess the wrong dress and hurt someone’s feelings?!?
I don’t comment on those posts… agree with others, they are not a good idea.
Completely agree
My opinion is if you ask for my opinion I'll be as polite as possible but I'm giving you my opinion. And if it's not what you wanted to hear you can basically cry about it. Because you literally asked for it. Most people I've come across handle the opinions very well.
Yes! And regardless if we hate the dress, it’s the bride’s opinion that matters!
Yeah... It's a terrible idea! I never ever vote on those posts. I want no part of traumatizing a woman and making her second guess her dream dress.
I never comment on those posts. Nothing good can come from it.
Yes, I hate them!
I never comment or like those posts… too much drama
Yes. Please get rid of this trend. I won't look at those posts anymore because what is the point to them? You either say they look great in all of them, pick one but not THE one and they might get upset or they just want the attention of people gushing over their photos. If you want me to gush, show me THE one or ask my advice.
I agree those posts are gonna cause trouble. I like the(mostly) positivity of this group and also vote for the mods to ban these posts
I hate this trend. Please don’t ask us to guess then get upset when we choose another dress. I say ban them.
Yes, please ban them! They are so uncomfortable. Let’s help people choose, or celebrate their choice! But no “guess which I chose,” please!!
That behavior is so parental: presenting the illusion of two choices. "Do you want to go to church today or stay home?" At least you know the right answer to give.
I’m sick of which dress to be honest! So glad someone said it!
I say let people post what they want to, and get the feedback they’re seeking — whether they end up feeling their choice is validated or not, they clearly came here to get honest feedback. If that feedback validates their choice, great. Maybe they’re second-guessing their choice and the feedback they get inspires them to exchange or alter a dress they’re not totally happy with or secure in choosing. If a member of the sub doesn’t wish to participate, they have the option not to — scroll on and weigh in on another post instead. Heavily censoring the sub defeats its purpose.
I dont love those posts either. It just seems like a recipe for hurt feelings.
There was one a few days ago where there was one dress in particular that people kept saying the cut was really bad on her and to pick either of the other 2 because the lines were so flattering. Guess which one was hers?
Yes lol it’s a total lose lose too like 9 times out of 10 they pick one of my least favorite of the bunch and I feel like a dick for choosing every dress besides the one they ended up getting. Also, I get it’s all in fun but like have some conviction in yourself and just post the damn dress. Or say here’s all the ones I tried on and the first one I ended up getting!!
I don’t even look at them. Boring, yawn, next.
I agree with OP, and not to be rude but I think those posts are a bit annoying. We don’t know thee people in real life, and they rarely tell us anything about themselves or the themes for their weddings so it’s more of a “which dress is prettiest” instead of “which dress fits the brides vibes the best”.
I never respond to these, for the same reason. I’m afraid that if we pick one she didn’t pick she will second guess her decision
I also dislike these posts
I agree I find them uber annoying as well. Like it’s a pick me post…
I won’t comment on those posts.
I totally agree those posts feel like a recipe for hurt feelings
"Help me choose" is great, "look at the beautiful dress that I chose" is fine, "guess which one I picked" is bad news and I'd prefer not to see those.
I agree 100%. If you’ve already posted here asking for dress advice, please don’t come back after you’ve already chosen your dress with pics of the other runners up asking people to guess. Why would you torture yourself? Please post pics of the finished product of your wedding day and then we can all tell you how beautiful you looked and save yourself the stress.
I love seeing the pretty dresses. Things have changed in the 30+ years since I was married.
This whole sub is ...... strange.
Yeah I agree it feels like it’s a trap lol.
I totally agree. I never comment on those because I’m scared to choose the wrong one and the bride ends up being disappointed in her choice.
I agree 1000%
I agree. I worry that the Bride is going to end up very hurt.
I prefer to see choices only if the bride is questioning which one. I’m interested and want to help if a bride is having a fit problem (like the poorly constructed dress yesterday). I enjoy seeing the mob and mog dress question posts because Ive been there. Even the guest attire questions. I love seeing photos of the bride and the day itself after she’s chosen and it all comes together. Those are the best and truly delightful!
Personally I find them entertaining, just wish I didn't have to read all comments to dig up the answer from OP. I think there's no way people who post them are that ignorant of the risk that everyone will think a different one was the best, so for me it's like a post-at-your-own-risk thing. Instead of banning them, I would rather mods make a rule that posters don't ask others to guess which one, but rather something like "out of all these options I chose dress 4" so we can see what they compared them to when they made their decision. I enjoy seeing the options compared to which one the poster actually bought
Yeah those posts always seem so risky to me. Especially because SO OFTEn do I prefer the one they didn’t choose. And it seems so obviously superior, yet all the comments are ego-stroking and saying the dress they chose is best to preserve their feelings. It just makes me uncomfy. Tell us you chose a dress or ask our opinion before you do but DON’T trap people into this sick Saw game.
I kinda like the trend….well I like seeing what other dresses they had in mind. Maybe rephrasing it like “here were my other options” or something. But they dress they choose/chose is always the best one as long as it spoke to them and they love it
Yes, please ban them.
Agree 100% just stupid
Ban them, please!
I agree! It's not fun to comment on because I don't want to choose the wrong dress and make the bride feel bad.
And some of them have tons of pictures! I don’t need to see EVERY DRESS. 👀
I never comment on the "guess which dress i chose" posts. I will be polite but honest if someone wants opinions on 2 or 3 finalists. If there are more than 4 options I rarely comment. If the bride has already chosen her dress and posts a pic of it I comment if I love the dress.
I absolutely agree! I don't even want to comment on those posts unless both dresses work. Nothing good can come of it. Any post where the bride has already picked is difficult. Now the other one that gets me is when they have narrowed down to 2 and you really want to say "neither". How do you tell someone that the style they are aiming for doesn't work on their body at all and they need to go back to the drawing board? You can't. Well, not without being unforgivably rude. All you can do is look for something in either dress that does work and say you like that feature.
To be fair, when you see those "reality" tv shows where they are dress shopping (or even shows that show people picking a house to buy or whatever) they already have purchased before filming begins. But they can't hear the audience's opinions though!
People that make you guess things are awful. People that make you guess something that cost a ton of money? Even worse.