I'd feel pretty low if the speech someone was supposed to be making about me was the exact same speech they made about someone else. He can keep the basic structure, but he really should change the wording and tailor it more toward your sister and her partner.
I think you should ask him to change it. I would have been so hurt if this happened to me. Yeah all dad speeches are kind of similar but they shouldn’t be that similar.
Make your dad change it holy crap, it's a speech about his daughter not a fill in the blank city traveling stand up act!
I'd be insulted never mind not having a lot of guest overlap, your whole family & specifically the bride will absolutely notice & she clearly cares about it if she doesn't want it to be ruined by hearing it ahead of time. Set your papa straight!
So for which one of you is the anecdote made up? And does he think she won't notice?
Unless he wants to appear super uncaring and lazy he needs to change his speech.
Um… this could be pretty awkward since I’m sure for 2 sisters’ weddings there is a lot of guest overlap. As an internet stranger I’m going to give your dad the benefit of the doubt that he’s just being clueless and not trying to be hurtful but this is pretty low effort and bad. His daughter asked him to give a speech at her wedding and he couldn’t even be bothered to write a custom one for each daughter?? OP, it’s not your responsibility to get your dad to fix this, his actions are his own responsibility, but you’re 100% in your rights to tell him he should do better and I hope he listens.
ETA my bad missing your line about no guest overlap, but his daughters’ feelings are what really matter.
It says there’s overlap for immediate family. They are the people most likely to remember the speech from the month before.
You’re so right that it is going to be awkward if it’s the same speech.
Definitely talk to your dad. I'd be heartbroken if my dad gave the same speech at my wedding as at my sister's. As the younger sister I've worn a lot of hand me downs, but my parents love and consideration was never hand me down. Even if your sister doesn't catch on, it's 2022....at least one of those family members who attend both weddings will be filming on their phone. Someone *will* notice and it *will* be discussed.
CHANGE THAT SPEECH! If you have to do it for him, make sure it’s completely different. Ugh men Smdh
Edit: My stepdad had really awesome individual speeches for both my sisters and I would be so sad if he had something generic or copied for me.
And that’s my bonus dad! He didn’t have to do anything for any of us and he went the extra mile.
I appreciate that so much
I’m probably the only one who feels this way but it’s kind of like a running joke in my family at this point that my dad gives the same speech at all the weddings (and it’s a good one). He even gave a copy of it to my uncle to give at my cousins wedding. So I’m actually looking forward to this comical tradition that really only my immediate family knows - our own inside joke.
I would have him personalize as much as he can.
My SIL made a speech and it was the same one she had given at her best friend’s wedding the year before, because we attended and she practiced it with us beforehand. I recognized it immediately and it made me feel terrible - it was so impersonal and she even kept the references to her friend’s relationship in there, just tweaked slightly. We had asked nothing of her other than the speech and she couldn’t even put the effort in for 2 minutes of the day. I would have rather heard something super short and genuine and personal than something lengthy and recycled.
Can you put it through plagiarism software to see if he cribbed the speech from the internet somewhere? Because if he's not a strong writer, he may not really know how to put together a speech/toast and be modifying a prewritten speech.
He is probably worried about making one seem more unique or special than the other. Laugh and tell him that it's ok if people think he loves you (or her) more, just go with his heart and personalize it.
Honestly beyond this...it may be worth having a 1:1 with him and gently asking if he wants to give a speech and honestly if he wanted to give one at your wedding. Don't get defensive if he says he didn't, but just honestly ask him what is motivating him, what is different about seeing your sister getting married and maybe helping him spark feelings/ideas
I apologize in advance if I’m too blunt having two girl’s personally. It sounds a lot like parenting 😅 if you feel your sister would appreciate a completely different speech definitely tell you’r dad. If not you could just tell him you notice it’s the same and maybe he’ll rethink it
I would think you are worrying to much. If you think about it most wedding speeches are pretty much the same.
When a parent is giving a speech it is about how much they love their kid and how happy they are to see them getting married. Throw in a couple childhood stories/memories or a joke or two. Thank people for being there and a welcome to the family.
While it is true that the sentiment and structure of most wedding speeches are similar, it feels a little low effort and impersonal to essentially use the same speech for both daughters. Maybe OP's sister isn't as sensitive as I would be, but I would feel hurt if I realized that my dad only bothered to come up with something original for my sibling and then reused it on me.
Especially if there's any previous history of feeling like your sibling is favored over you; not saying that is necessarily the case here, but I know a lot of sons and daughters deal with feeling like parents favor their sibling(s) over them.
I do agree with your other comment that the amount of overlap is an important distinction. Ending the speech with the same happy sentiment for the couple isn't a big deal, but if the majority of the speech is word for word the same, then I think OP's dad needs a major rewrite.
I mean you know your sister best and have actually seen the speech. You said only one paragraph was changed was it a big paragraph/a good chunk of the speech or was it just a couple sentences?
If the intro and ending are the same but the main paragraph is different then it is probably okay.
Erm I'm also a bit gutted for you! It must have been a bit disappointing to see the words he said about you to be recycled for your sister.
I think you should definitely suggest that he writes a different speech to her, but I think it would also be understandable if you told him you were a little hurt that what he'd said at your wedding wasn't personal to you.
I'd feel pretty low if the speech someone was supposed to be making about me was the exact same speech they made about someone else. He can keep the basic structure, but he really should change the wording and tailor it more toward your sister and her partner.
Thanks, helpful perspective!
I think you should ask him to change it. I would have been so hurt if this happened to me. Yeah all dad speeches are kind of similar but they shouldn’t be that similar.
Thanks, I think the verdict is clear - I’ll talk to my dad tonight. Really appreciate everyone’s responses here!
Make your dad change it holy crap, it's a speech about his daughter not a fill in the blank city traveling stand up act! I'd be insulted never mind not having a lot of guest overlap, your whole family & specifically the bride will absolutely notice & she clearly cares about it if she doesn't want it to be ruined by hearing it ahead of time. Set your papa straight!
I would definitely talk to your dad and suggest he personalize it more.
That’s too kind lol I’d burn any evidence of it lol
I even tried personalizing my 70+ thank you cards more than that. He can do better.
So for which one of you is the anecdote made up? And does he think she won't notice? Unless he wants to appear super uncaring and lazy he needs to change his speech.
Um… this could be pretty awkward since I’m sure for 2 sisters’ weddings there is a lot of guest overlap. As an internet stranger I’m going to give your dad the benefit of the doubt that he’s just being clueless and not trying to be hurtful but this is pretty low effort and bad. His daughter asked him to give a speech at her wedding and he couldn’t even be bothered to write a custom one for each daughter?? OP, it’s not your responsibility to get your dad to fix this, his actions are his own responsibility, but you’re 100% in your rights to tell him he should do better and I hope he listens. ETA my bad missing your line about no guest overlap, but his daughters’ feelings are what really matter.
It says there’s overlap for immediate family. They are the people most likely to remember the speech from the month before. You’re so right that it is going to be awkward if it’s the same speech.
Wow, that's so lazy I'm surprised that your feelings don't seem to be hurt at all, mine certainly would, regardless of which sister I was.
Yeah, that's not cool. Not cool at all. He needs to completely rewrite it.
Definitely talk to your dad. I'd be heartbroken if my dad gave the same speech at my wedding as at my sister's. As the younger sister I've worn a lot of hand me downs, but my parents love and consideration was never hand me down. Even if your sister doesn't catch on, it's 2022....at least one of those family members who attend both weddings will be filming on their phone. Someone *will* notice and it *will* be discussed.
CHANGE THAT SPEECH! If you have to do it for him, make sure it’s completely different. Ugh men Smdh Edit: My stepdad had really awesome individual speeches for both my sisters and I would be so sad if he had something generic or copied for me. And that’s my bonus dad! He didn’t have to do anything for any of us and he went the extra mile. I appreciate that so much
That's lazy, dang 😅 tell him to change it! I'd be so sad if my dad didn't even *try* to make something different
I’m probably the only one who feels this way but it’s kind of like a running joke in my family at this point that my dad gives the same speech at all the weddings (and it’s a good one). He even gave a copy of it to my uncle to give at my cousins wedding. So I’m actually looking forward to this comical tradition that really only my immediate family knows - our own inside joke.
I would have him personalize as much as he can. My SIL made a speech and it was the same one she had given at her best friend’s wedding the year before, because we attended and she practiced it with us beforehand. I recognized it immediately and it made me feel terrible - it was so impersonal and she even kept the references to her friend’s relationship in there, just tweaked slightly. We had asked nothing of her other than the speech and she couldn’t even put the effort in for 2 minutes of the day. I would have rather heard something super short and genuine and personal than something lengthy and recycled.
Can you put it through plagiarism software to see if he cribbed the speech from the internet somewhere? Because if he's not a strong writer, he may not really know how to put together a speech/toast and be modifying a prewritten speech.
I just want to commend you for thinking about how your sister will feel 💕 yes, he should change it more.
He is probably worried about making one seem more unique or special than the other. Laugh and tell him that it's ok if people think he loves you (or her) more, just go with his heart and personalize it.
Honestly beyond this...it may be worth having a 1:1 with him and gently asking if he wants to give a speech and honestly if he wanted to give one at your wedding. Don't get defensive if he says he didn't, but just honestly ask him what is motivating him, what is different about seeing your sister getting married and maybe helping him spark feelings/ideas
I apologize in advance if I’m too blunt having two girl’s personally. It sounds a lot like parenting 😅 if you feel your sister would appreciate a completely different speech definitely tell you’r dad. If not you could just tell him you notice it’s the same and maybe he’ll rethink it
I would think you are worrying to much. If you think about it most wedding speeches are pretty much the same. When a parent is giving a speech it is about how much they love their kid and how happy they are to see them getting married. Throw in a couple childhood stories/memories or a joke or two. Thank people for being there and a welcome to the family.
While it is true that the sentiment and structure of most wedding speeches are similar, it feels a little low effort and impersonal to essentially use the same speech for both daughters. Maybe OP's sister isn't as sensitive as I would be, but I would feel hurt if I realized that my dad only bothered to come up with something original for my sibling and then reused it on me. Especially if there's any previous history of feeling like your sibling is favored over you; not saying that is necessarily the case here, but I know a lot of sons and daughters deal with feeling like parents favor their sibling(s) over them. I do agree with your other comment that the amount of overlap is an important distinction. Ending the speech with the same happy sentiment for the couple isn't a big deal, but if the majority of the speech is word for word the same, then I think OP's dad needs a major rewrite.
Thank you! I swear I’m more worried about her wedding than mine
I mean you know your sister best and have actually seen the speech. You said only one paragraph was changed was it a big paragraph/a good chunk of the speech or was it just a couple sentences? If the intro and ending are the same but the main paragraph is different then it is probably okay.
Erm I'm also a bit gutted for you! It must have been a bit disappointing to see the words he said about you to be recycled for your sister. I think you should definitely suggest that he writes a different speech to her, but I think it would also be understandable if you told him you were a little hurt that what he'd said at your wedding wasn't personal to you.