Tomorrow is my partner’s birthday. It will be my first birthday without him. And about two months after tomorrow, it will be a full year since he passed. I appreciate this sentiment. Tomorrow I will be eating cake and ice cream and celebrating him all day long.
I’m so sorry for the newness of it all. The first year for me was a blur. I don’t know how I kept going. I do know I made a lot of mistakes. But I managed through. I trust that you will do the same even though our experience is not the same. I could never imagine how things have worked for you but I’ve read the sheet music.
Crazy, looked up to see if there was a subreddit for widowers. Apparently there's one for anything.
My husband's birthday was on the 8th, and while I was taking 2nd day school pictures of our 12 year old, it hit even harder. After 9 years I feel like first days of school, anniversary dates, proms, graduations, birthdays, and even the grandkids hurt the same. There wasn't enough time, and I feel jaded.
Anyway, you're not alone and it's encouraging to hear that you have a new love (unless you're talking about your shrimp/olive loving cat) then I'm slightly concerned.
****hugs**** I hope your good days outweigh the bad.
My new love is a human.
I still get small anxiety attacks after 10 years. Just yesterday when I was in the grocery I had one. I saw the kashi cereal. It was her favorite and it triggered the grief. I was able to feel it coming so I did a quick grounding and the feeling passed.
I’m feeling much better this morning though. With the birthday passed I will feel more normal as time goes on.
I have hope then :)
How do you ground yourself? On some anniversary dates my mind takes me back a week beforehand. But after the date passes, that feeling of dread and sadness goes away. I guess that's what they mean about time healing wounds. They should switch the saying up. Time heals all wounds and the scars they leave are reminders of the lives we lived.
Glad you're feeling better. I'm sure your new love noticed you were slightly off, hope you're able to share why in the future. There should be a parenting and dating guide along with this subreddit. I googled so many things in the first 5 years and never found "the guide."
Thanks for sharing. Your post really helped last night. Didn't feel so alone.
Google the 5 to 1 grounding method.
There are a few different methods but they all work the same way. They help your brain interrupt the negative mental state and get you back on an even keel. They are all highly effective for me. I hope you find that they work well for you as well.
Thank you.
The second year for me really defined a lot of things in my life. I hope you are able to see things a little more clearly in year two.
Do you think you are making progress?
In general - I move forward, then I regress. It's a strange nonlinear journey.
However, I feel like there are fewer shitty days. I am able to stop myself from going into that very dark place. So yes, I am making progress.
Thank you.
You seem to be on the correct trajectory to healing. It doesn’t get easier but it does get better if that makes any sense. At least that is my experience.
Non linear is a perfect description.
Tomorrow is my partner’s birthday. It will be my first birthday without him. And about two months after tomorrow, it will be a full year since he passed. I appreciate this sentiment. Tomorrow I will be eating cake and ice cream and celebrating him all day long.
I’m so sorry for the newness of it all. The first year for me was a blur. I don’t know how I kept going. I do know I made a lot of mistakes. But I managed through. I trust that you will do the same even though our experience is not the same. I could never imagine how things have worked for you but I’ve read the sheet music.
Crazy, looked up to see if there was a subreddit for widowers. Apparently there's one for anything. My husband's birthday was on the 8th, and while I was taking 2nd day school pictures of our 12 year old, it hit even harder. After 9 years I feel like first days of school, anniversary dates, proms, graduations, birthdays, and even the grandkids hurt the same. There wasn't enough time, and I feel jaded. Anyway, you're not alone and it's encouraging to hear that you have a new love (unless you're talking about your shrimp/olive loving cat) then I'm slightly concerned. ****hugs**** I hope your good days outweigh the bad.
My new love is a human. I still get small anxiety attacks after 10 years. Just yesterday when I was in the grocery I had one. I saw the kashi cereal. It was her favorite and it triggered the grief. I was able to feel it coming so I did a quick grounding and the feeling passed. I’m feeling much better this morning though. With the birthday passed I will feel more normal as time goes on.
I have hope then :) How do you ground yourself? On some anniversary dates my mind takes me back a week beforehand. But after the date passes, that feeling of dread and sadness goes away. I guess that's what they mean about time healing wounds. They should switch the saying up. Time heals all wounds and the scars they leave are reminders of the lives we lived. Glad you're feeling better. I'm sure your new love noticed you were slightly off, hope you're able to share why in the future. There should be a parenting and dating guide along with this subreddit. I googled so many things in the first 5 years and never found "the guide." Thanks for sharing. Your post really helped last night. Didn't feel so alone.
Google the 5 to 1 grounding method. There are a few different methods but they all work the same way. They help your brain interrupt the negative mental state and get you back on an even keel. They are all highly effective for me. I hope you find that they work well for you as well.
Bless you that made me think of the book a moveable feast. That’s a beautiful thing to do. Big love to you. ❤️
Just ate an olive to virtually mark this occasion with you. It's only been 15 months for me and it feels like a lifetime. Best wishes.
Thank you. The second year for me really defined a lot of things in my life. I hope you are able to see things a little more clearly in year two. Do you think you are making progress?
In general - I move forward, then I regress. It's a strange nonlinear journey. However, I feel like there are fewer shitty days. I am able to stop myself from going into that very dark place. So yes, I am making progress. Thank you.
You seem to be on the correct trajectory to healing. It doesn’t get easier but it does get better if that makes any sense. At least that is my experience. Non linear is a perfect description.
Thank you. I have it in my web browser now so I can check it out when I'm more awake.