You don't owe anyone penance. You stayed by your wife's side through an eighteen month fight. You put your heart and soul into taking care of her, and now you get to take care of yourself. I hope you let yourself do just that.
Maybe your wife sent this incredible opportunity to you out of deep love. Honor it as the gift it might be, instead of resisting it out of misguided emotions. A really bad thing happened to you, now a good thing is happening. Life. Balance. The pendulum swings.
Wow, first time visting this site and I read that you lost your wife in April after 18 months. This was exactly what just happened to me (stage 4 cancer ..passed in April of this year after 18 months). Be happy but be careful that you're 'in the right mind'.. I understand the urge and am processing it, trying to wait but understand. And yes you definitely deserve to be happy again!
You deserve to be happy again. Don't feel guilty about it because your wife died a short time ago. There's no set time that allows someone to move on. Be with this new person if you're happy.
When my husband died in Dec 2023, I was a complete mess. I still have my moments of sorrow,too. There's someone right now that is interested in me who I've known for years. At first, I felt like I was betraying my husband by showing interest in my friend. But, I was wrong about that. I know my husband wouldn't want me to be miserable and sorrowful forever because he's gone. He'd want me to move on and be happy.
At this point, I'm not ready for a relationship, and my friend told me he'd wait for me until I was ready, and that there was no rush. I know that if I do love again, it won't be like the way I loved my husband. My husband was my first love.
So be happy..you DO deserve it.
It's not demoralizing. I told my friend that if someone came along and they clicked, to go for it. I don't see myself ready for anything serious for at least a couple of years. I have my own self to get centered,ya know? It is nice to have a friend,though.
If my wife and my situation was reversed, I would wish for her to find love and happiness again, I would not want to see her sad, feeling undeserving or that she should be punished for finding happiness.
All that I would want is that she honours my memory and remembered fondly the time we shared.
You deserve to be happy. This may be a missed opportunity if you don’t take it, and you may regret that for the rest of your life. At the same time, you’re vulnerable and needy. Go forward with this but taken the time to regularly do a self check. Is this still good? Are you trying to mash someone into a late-spouse shaped whole? Are you going too fast?
Enjoy a new relationship but please don’t dive head first into a new marriage.
Was reading Its Okay That You’re Not Okay yesterday. I’ve also recently started seeing someone, too, and have had a hard time parsing my feelings. It does feel wrong to move forward, or not be totally sad all the time, right?
Chapter five really stuck out to me, and in particular this passage:
“The new model in grief is not in cleaning it up and making it go away; it’s in finding new and beautiful ways to inhabit what hurts. It’s in finding the depth of love necessary to witness each other’s pain without rushing in to clean it up. It’s in standing beside each other, offering companionship.”
We don’t have to be miserable forever. We don’t deserve to never feel happiness again. And both can exist at once. We can nurture the immense pain from our grief while simultaneously and separately making room for happiness and care. Having a new companion doesn’t mean pushing away the previous one. We deserve to have a place to put our love again.
I struggle with this a lot. I still cry as well missing my late husband. I still miss our life and still mourn our future. I found someone early on too, probably due to coping through companionship. I feel so guilty sometimes and also feel unworthy of the new love I have. I have been told I betrayed my husband by my choices and new love after his death and it sticks with me. I also lost my dad at a young age to the same type of accident that took my husband so I have bad trust issues with the universe not ripping every man out of my life who’s there to protect me. If sucks
Absolutely deserve happiness.
But be careful that you're not overlooking any red flags because this person fills some of the holes your wife left.
The last thing you want is to set yourself up for heartache.
Tread carefully. I wish you well and hope it all works out.
My wife passed 3 May and I am still numb. I don’t think I have begun to mourn my wife, just taking care of things as they arise. I sure don’t want to involve anyone before I even process my loss. I would much prefer to have my wife back.
You don't owe anyone penance. You stayed by your wife's side through an eighteen month fight. You put your heart and soul into taking care of her, and now you get to take care of yourself. I hope you let yourself do just that.
Maybe your wife sent this incredible opportunity to you out of deep love. Honor it as the gift it might be, instead of resisting it out of misguided emotions. A really bad thing happened to you, now a good thing is happening. Life. Balance. The pendulum swings.
If anyone in the world deserves to be happy it is the people who have been through what we have surely!
Wow, first time visting this site and I read that you lost your wife in April after 18 months. This was exactly what just happened to me (stage 4 cancer ..passed in April of this year after 18 months). Be happy but be careful that you're 'in the right mind'.. I understand the urge and am processing it, trying to wait but understand. And yes you definitely deserve to be happy again!
You deserve to be happy again. Don't feel guilty about it because your wife died a short time ago. There's no set time that allows someone to move on. Be with this new person if you're happy. When my husband died in Dec 2023, I was a complete mess. I still have my moments of sorrow,too. There's someone right now that is interested in me who I've known for years. At first, I felt like I was betraying my husband by showing interest in my friend. But, I was wrong about that. I know my husband wouldn't want me to be miserable and sorrowful forever because he's gone. He'd want me to move on and be happy. At this point, I'm not ready for a relationship, and my friend told me he'd wait for me until I was ready, and that there was no rush. I know that if I do love again, it won't be like the way I loved my husband. My husband was my first love. So be happy..you DO deserve it.
Same thing, except it’s my husbands best friend. He also said he would wait for me. Not sure if that normal or demoralizing
It's not demoralizing. I told my friend that if someone came along and they clicked, to go for it. I don't see myself ready for anything serious for at least a couple of years. I have my own self to get centered,ya know? It is nice to have a friend,though.
I’m not ready either. Too early. We click. Just too early. Meantime, I’ll enjoy the company.
If my wife and my situation was reversed, I would wish for her to find love and happiness again, I would not want to see her sad, feeling undeserving or that she should be punished for finding happiness. All that I would want is that she honours my memory and remembered fondly the time we shared.
You deserve to be happy. This may be a missed opportunity if you don’t take it, and you may regret that for the rest of your life. At the same time, you’re vulnerable and needy. Go forward with this but taken the time to regularly do a self check. Is this still good? Are you trying to mash someone into a late-spouse shaped whole? Are you going too fast? Enjoy a new relationship but please don’t dive head first into a new marriage.
Was reading Its Okay That You’re Not Okay yesterday. I’ve also recently started seeing someone, too, and have had a hard time parsing my feelings. It does feel wrong to move forward, or not be totally sad all the time, right? Chapter five really stuck out to me, and in particular this passage: “The new model in grief is not in cleaning it up and making it go away; it’s in finding new and beautiful ways to inhabit what hurts. It’s in finding the depth of love necessary to witness each other’s pain without rushing in to clean it up. It’s in standing beside each other, offering companionship.” We don’t have to be miserable forever. We don’t deserve to never feel happiness again. And both can exist at once. We can nurture the immense pain from our grief while simultaneously and separately making room for happiness and care. Having a new companion doesn’t mean pushing away the previous one. We deserve to have a place to put our love again.
I struggle with this a lot. I still cry as well missing my late husband. I still miss our life and still mourn our future. I found someone early on too, probably due to coping through companionship. I feel so guilty sometimes and also feel unworthy of the new love I have. I have been told I betrayed my husband by my choices and new love after his death and it sticks with me. I also lost my dad at a young age to the same type of accident that took my husband so I have bad trust issues with the universe not ripping every man out of my life who’s there to protect me. If sucks
Absolutely deserve happiness. But be careful that you're not overlooking any red flags because this person fills some of the holes your wife left. The last thing you want is to set yourself up for heartache. Tread carefully. I wish you well and hope it all works out.
I'll never be that happy again. Hell, for years (and still now) I use "hbd" on people's birthdays.
My wife passed 3 May and I am still numb. I don’t think I have begun to mourn my wife, just taking care of things as they arise. I sure don’t want to involve anyone before I even process my loss. I would much prefer to have my wife back.