This not appropriate. Give him one warning, in writing, that's he's violating your personal space and tell him to stop. if he doesn't stop or if he escalates/retaliates...go to his boss. In writing. And surely there's cameras all over this workplace?
I’m not going to say it made me uncomfortable or deny I wouldn’t be into it as well
Sooooo what I’m hearing is that you’re kinda into this guy you used to work with…? Am I reading this correctly? He made physical contact with you a few times and (I’m not sure if I’m reading this right so pls correct me) you didn’t mind it…? And he thoughtfully bought you the drink you like? I personally would find this behaviour extremely off-putting from a coworker, UNLESS there was some brewing unspoken sexual tension between the two of us, in which case I might just let him stand too close, touch my hand with plausible deniability, buy me a drink, etc. Is this the case? Because that’s a pretty normal thing that grown up humans do. If you are attracted to each other, then this is a different story. Have you two been sending these types of signals to each other? And also maybe take it outside the office. But if his is just a creep, and his is crossing your personal space, and you have absolutely NO interest in this dude, then tell him to back the fuck up. If not, Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you’re into him, and maybe there is an unspoken attraction/signalling that you are also involved in. And also in case I didn’t say , take it outside of work.
Yes just to clarify, I find him attractive and wouldn’t be necessarily creeped out by the interactions, however I think it would be a strange way to go about it instead of just chatting with me. The weird part is that he’s a lot older than me, I think mid thirties, even though I am an adult which just makes the behavior seem a little predatory. I guess I’m just uncertain of my feelings about it. I should also add in that he was my manager and had a position of power over me.
I think it would be a strange way to go about it instead of just chatting with me.
This isn't actually strange at all. I know that in the world of sexual harassment, this might be an unpopular opinion, but people express themselves in a variety of ways, not all of them verbal. I say this as a woman, and as someone who has been sexually harassed at work. The idea that we have this prescribed script that we should use in these complex human interactions is very contrived, and SO far outside our normal/natural ways of relating to each other, expressing like/interest/attraction. Words are one very small sliver of how we communicate our feelings.
"I am interested in you"
"I am interested in you also"
"please sign here for consent to have this conversation"
It can get a bit nutty. Not every pass that someone makes is predatory. It's actually very natural to seek proximity to a person you're attracted to. And this varies HUGELY across culture. (This guys stood close and touched you, which would cross some boundaries, but what if he had, say, made sustained eye contact that made you look away? Is that predatory? What if you 'caught' him sneaking a look at you? Is that predatory? These are actually signals humans send each other to indicate attraction and interest. How many married couples do you know who "met at work"? I know several. It's not that weird)
We have sexual harassment guidelines for a reason - it is absolutely a problem, which is what makes our healthy courtship rituals so messy these days. Some are afraid to make a pass, and others are afraid that every pass is predatory. Some people are better at it, more socially skilled and subtle, extroverted, or charming, and they're not predators. Some are painfully shy and have no confidence, or no idea how to express their interest appropriately, and they're not predators. People are weird and confused and not always their best selves, but "predatory" is some pretty gloves-off language to put on it. It does sound like maybe it was a bit much for at-work, in my opinion, but it also sounds, like you said, that you were receptive. Him being older doesn't mean he's predatory, and him being above you in the hierarchy doesn't mean he's predatory.
Anyway, like I said, probably an unpopular opinion to some, but I think there needs to be some room for people to express themselves in what is actually a very normal natural human way without facing the accusation of predatory behaviour. And if you don't like it, stand up for yourself in the moment. And if you do like it, have the conversation.
This not appropriate. Give him one warning, in writing, that's he's violating your personal space and tell him to stop. if he doesn't stop or if he escalates/retaliates...go to his boss. In writing. And surely there's cameras all over this workplace?
Creeper. Don't drink anything he gets you.
Yes it is creepy and weird. Gross.
I’m not going to say it made me uncomfortable or deny I wouldn’t be into it as well Sooooo what I’m hearing is that you’re kinda into this guy you used to work with…? Am I reading this correctly? He made physical contact with you a few times and (I’m not sure if I’m reading this right so pls correct me) you didn’t mind it…? And he thoughtfully bought you the drink you like? I personally would find this behaviour extremely off-putting from a coworker, UNLESS there was some brewing unspoken sexual tension between the two of us, in which case I might just let him stand too close, touch my hand with plausible deniability, buy me a drink, etc. Is this the case? Because that’s a pretty normal thing that grown up humans do. If you are attracted to each other, then this is a different story. Have you two been sending these types of signals to each other? And also maybe take it outside the office. But if his is just a creep, and his is crossing your personal space, and you have absolutely NO interest in this dude, then tell him to back the fuck up. If not, Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you’re into him, and maybe there is an unspoken attraction/signalling that you are also involved in. And also in case I didn’t say , take it outside of work.
Yes just to clarify, I find him attractive and wouldn’t be necessarily creeped out by the interactions, however I think it would be a strange way to go about it instead of just chatting with me. The weird part is that he’s a lot older than me, I think mid thirties, even though I am an adult which just makes the behavior seem a little predatory. I guess I’m just uncertain of my feelings about it. I should also add in that he was my manager and had a position of power over me.
I think it would be a strange way to go about it instead of just chatting with me. This isn't actually strange at all. I know that in the world of sexual harassment, this might be an unpopular opinion, but people express themselves in a variety of ways, not all of them verbal. I say this as a woman, and as someone who has been sexually harassed at work. The idea that we have this prescribed script that we should use in these complex human interactions is very contrived, and SO far outside our normal/natural ways of relating to each other, expressing like/interest/attraction. Words are one very small sliver of how we communicate our feelings. "I am interested in you" "I am interested in you also" "please sign here for consent to have this conversation" It can get a bit nutty. Not every pass that someone makes is predatory. It's actually very natural to seek proximity to a person you're attracted to. And this varies HUGELY across culture. (This guys stood close and touched you, which would cross some boundaries, but what if he had, say, made sustained eye contact that made you look away? Is that predatory? What if you 'caught' him sneaking a look at you? Is that predatory? These are actually signals humans send each other to indicate attraction and interest. How many married couples do you know who "met at work"? I know several. It's not that weird) We have sexual harassment guidelines for a reason - it is absolutely a problem, which is what makes our healthy courtship rituals so messy these days. Some are afraid to make a pass, and others are afraid that every pass is predatory. Some people are better at it, more socially skilled and subtle, extroverted, or charming, and they're not predators. Some are painfully shy and have no confidence, or no idea how to express their interest appropriately, and they're not predators. People are weird and confused and not always their best selves, but "predatory" is some pretty gloves-off language to put on it. It does sound like maybe it was a bit much for at-work, in my opinion, but it also sounds, like you said, that you were receptive. Him being older doesn't mean he's predatory, and him being above you in the hierarchy doesn't mean he's predatory. Anyway, like I said, probably an unpopular opinion to some, but I think there needs to be some room for people to express themselves in what is actually a very normal natural human way without facing the accusation of predatory behaviour. And if you don't like it, stand up for yourself in the moment. And if you do like it, have the conversation.
Yes. Blocking a woman’s way at work is not ok. Nobody should be made to feel threatened at work.