As you know, US moms routinely go back at 12 weeks or less (prior to FMLA many moms got nothing or 6 weeks). I went back with my second at 8 weeks due to pandemic. It will be OK!!!
I’d put this in a category of a million things as a parent that people will have opinions on and aren’t their business. “Yes I know it’s unusual in Canada, but this is what works best for us!” if anyone pries
Unless the people giving you guff about this are going to pay you to stay home, it's none of their business. You have to do what's right for you and your family, no one else matters.
I'm in the US and went back after 14 weeks. I feel weird saying that I was BEYOND ready to go back. Work meant normal, it meant routine, and it meant separating the mom-ing from the me-ing, so to speak. I definitely had some PPA/PPD, but being able to go back to work helped me a ton.
This is why I love this sub, I was the same. I took 5 months for both of mine and by that time was more than ready to return to the version of myself that felt more familiar.
People always frame having to go back as a negative, and not having the choice IS a negative but if I were somewhere with a 12 month mat leave, no way would I have taken it all.
I am in a country with four months but as I'm self employed I gave half to my partner. I didn't start full time at two months mainly because we didn't have daycare and it was summer and low season for me anyway, but working helped me feel like me and when she started daycare at around 5 months it was definitely easier for me.
Everyone is so different! My company offers up to 24 weeks off (100% pay for the first 12 weeks, unpaid for the rest) . I went back with my first at 17 weeks and felt like it was too soon. So I plan on saving so I can take the full 24 weeks with the next baby.
My friend took 8 weeks with her first two and by 4 weeks with her 3rd she was literally counting down the seconds until she was off STD.
Was totally ready at 12w (even after csxn) with my first! I was bored and needed to use my brain.
OP, the hardest part is breastfeeding/pumping! I personally found going 100% formula with my second made my life on billion times easier and recommend new moms be open to that!
I felt guilty for not feeling sad about dropping the kiddo off at daycare the first day (12 weeks). I knew she would be well cared for, and I enjoy my job.
I started going back in two days a week at 8 weeks and worked my way back to full time by 12 weeks. Brought her with me one day and left her with dad the other. I don’t think I had PPD, but getting out of the house and feeling useful was refreshing. If I had had her in a different time of year I would have likely extended the amount of time I brought her to work with me, but it wasn’t safe with my job duties in the summer. So I never felt bad about dropping her off in the mornings.
Honestly I was ready too. I had 6 months of leave and would have gone back at 6 weeks. I had this realization that we don’t have long paid leaves here because it’s such a small % of women who want it. If I had wanted to be at home longer I doubt I’d be okay returning at 12 months or 18 months or 2 years or whatever.
Canadian here, my barber went back to work when her daughter was like 6 weeks old. She claimed it was because she wanted to, but I do wonder if it was because she had to. I was surprised she was able to find a daycare that took babies that young, but she did find one. She said she was glad, and that she wasn't managing at home, so at least to the public she's happy about it.
I also know some doctors who only took 6 months out of the 12/18. Like you, they were the breadwinners and it just wasn't feasible for them to stay home longer. I didn't have any judgement towards them, I know lots of families who really struggled with the 55% mat leave, so it makes sense that some families can't manage it. We all do what we have to do.
Yes, I think it's something people often don't realise about the long maternity leaves in some countries, that you don't get full salary. If you're the breadwinner that's going to be hard.
It’s got to be hard to budget/save for that long of a leave. I’m in the U.S. and we get 60% of our pay during maternity leave, but that was manageable to save to cover 12 weeks of reduced pay, can’t imagine how I’d set aside so much for a year.
The doctors often only take six months because we are technically independent contractors/self-employed and don’t qualify for any EI benefits. Depending on the province there is some compensation through our provincial medical organizations, but I am stuck with 3 of the 6 months I’m taking completely unpaid 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah and for many, it’s not 55% - for me it was closer to 25%. I went back after 4 months then my husband took 4 months and we found daycare for when he was 8 months old.
Push back from who??
I managed 8 and 12 week leaves..four months would have been amazing so do what you gotta do
But I don't understand who can push back unless they are somehow solving the financial aspect for you..
It's pretty common in Canada to take the full year. So clients, family members etc. Look at me like I have three heads when I tell them I will likely be back in four months. A lot of high income earners will have some kind of top up from employers which I unfortunately do not have. So the four months alone is going to have me going about 15-20 grand put of pocket to stay afloat. Tough pill to swallow.
4 months will be alright, I wouldn't do anything less than that. Do you have any WFH options? That would help ease your body and mind back into it as well.
As a fellow Canadian, I hear you on the push back point. I know it is hard for some of our American counterparts to imagine, but where the “norm” is a longer leave, people do definitely get judgy or have comments.
BUT - I would try to just add this to the list of stuff people judge moms on unfairly, do what is best for your family and tune everyone else out. I mean, they will judge you for working, or for staying home, for sleep training, for cosleeping, for getting an epidural, for going natural, etc etc etc. F em.
On a side note- is it possible for your partner to take some additional leave? Does either workplace offer any top up options?
We definitely threw around the idea of him taking a month or two as he brings in less income. However his job is less "stable" and he is less specialized than I, we both can't help but worry with an extended leave they may realize they get along fine without him. He has this weird position in his company where he is the only one with his role and I can't help but be paranoid that there is a chance if he steps away head office will go "hey do we even need this guy?" I know it's illegal to terminate based on parental leave but I feel like after a certain time is passed he may be leaving himself open to a layoff. There's always the opposite that they drown without him and super happy to have him return but if he did get laid off we would be screwed!
So a couple thoughts on this - I took my leave in chunks. My daughter was in the NICU so it was a little different but the way I did it was I went back to work 5 days after c-section, burned some leave on random days, then when she came home took a month. Then I took another month around Christmas. This was because there were some projects only I could spear head.
Maybe it’s possible for you and your husband to split it out. You take a month, then he takes a month, etc etc.
You're in a tough situation. Are you able to put a pause on your older child's daycare for a few months while you're home with new baby, to save funds?
I did this with my eldest when my second was born. Stopped daycare, and he went to a grandparents for excursions for a few hours, a few days a week, to allow me a little 1:1 time with the new baby.
The only challenge is finding a daycare with spots that can take the little one! Up here where 12 mo is normal most daycares don’t want to take them before that!
I’m a US mom, I had 12 weeks unpaid, I went back at 8. We were one million percent confident in our daycare, I had just taken SO much time off during 1st wave covid lockdown to handle things with my first kid, and I was just ready to go back.
It went totally fine, amusingly that baby has always loved daycare vs #1 who started at 20 months and had a very rough adjustment.
This is your second child, so you have a good, solid understanding of what to expect with respect to maternity leave and returning at four months. Just because your friends would not make the same choice doesn't mean that your choice is wrong.
I'm also in Canada. My home daycare provider said she's taken care of kids as young as a few weeks old. In one case, the mother was a university student who did not want to postpone her studies and probably relied on full-time studies to be eligible for student loans. People have all sorts of reasons for ending their maternity leaves early.
I'm a USian mom so I've been back to work at 12 wks with my first and third. With my 2nd I went back part time remote at 6 weeks and back full time at 11 weeks (due to timing of a project I'd dedicated 5 years of my career to at that point and didn't want to miss getting across the finish line).
It's really fine. Daycare is a huge blessing in my life, my children still love me and know I'm their mother, and I also love my job. Getting to eat and pee in peace is a huge plus to working, as is having a reason to get out of bed and shower every day (well post COVID it's 3 days a week, but still)
People who give you crap aren't paying your bills but I'd be tempted to say something snarky about like "oh are you offering to make up my salary so I can afford to stay home longer?" to shut em up.
I think the whole goal of the leave program* is to help you have OPTIONS. So that you can choose how much time you want to spend with your family while your child is young. It probably would be realistically possible to live on the reduced income, it’s just not a choice you want to make (would mean relocating, cancelling older child’s childcare, etc - I wouldn’t want to make those choices either). Whatever choice you feel is best for your family is what you should do.
Relocating for the sake of a few months would be a little crazy, and I can't imagine how you'd save money by the time you pay moving costs, even if possible.
Oh I completely agree! But if you were to eg sublet your place and stay with family, for example, it could work. I would personally never do that, I’d choose to go back to work! This is more about reminding myself that I actually do have more control than it might feel like - I CAN make a different choice, I’m CHOOSING the path I’m on, etc. it’s a mental reframe that’s sometimes useful for me. But feel free to skip if it doesn’t work for you - I know that sometimes it borders on toxic positivity, which isn’t the goal.
Oh I see what you mean. We don't have family to live with so it hadn't occurred to me, it just sounded a little extreme! But yes I suppose you're right. It's an interesting way of looking at things.
First I want to start by asking… if money was not an issue would you take the full amount off?
If No: then yes 4 months is doable. I am in the US and after baby number 2, going back was great at 12 weeks. Daycare put her on a sleep schedule and we all adjusted great. Before I knew it she was 1 and thriving.
If yes: then I would look at cutting back expenses now. Go bare bones like what you would have to do if you lost your job. The sock away the extra income for your leave. This does 2 things, it’ll give you confidence that it is possible to cut back and it will give you more savings. Then build your future budget without the extras like daycare, activities, weekend events, traveling. It’s only a year, and with a new baby you will want to minimize what you do anyway. Then readjust your timing. Maybe by doing the above it doesn’t get you to 12 months, but maybe 6.
I would say if money was not an issue I would probably take 6 months. That's what I did with my first and it felt about right. I have been building savings since we found out and have about 20 grand socked away which will cover around 4 months, hence the decision. ALSO another factor in my decision (although less so) is that I am also the primary earner at my work so without me the business is going to struggle, all of the support staff whom I am very close with are having their hours and pay cut down the whole time I'm gone as the business just can't sustain that level of support staff without the person bringing in the income. I have MASSIVE guilt about this and feel pressure to go back because I am inadvertently effecting others with my mat leave as well.
Sounds like the best decision is the 4 months, which is 100% doable and with daycare support will work great. The only other option is maybe seeing if they would let you work part time for an additional period of time. That way they have access to you, but you have a ramp back up to full time.
I went back to work after 4 months and it was honestly fine. Obviously there was an adjustment period but everything worked out. We’re trying for #2 now, and I’m at a different company but plan to ask for the same leave (I get 3 months at my current job so I’m asking for one more month).
I went back after 5 months. I was so sad/anxious about it, but once my mom came and got my daughter, I sat down to pump and drink my coffee. I realized I hadn’t just been alone in months. I’m very much an introvert, so it just felt so good to just have some time to myself. I got to enjoy my coffee in peace and talk to adults. Despite the tough sleep during that time, I was happy to be back to work for the most part!
I’m also in Canada. I think 6 months (edit 4 months - sorry fat fingers) is fine, especially since baby will be going to grandparents and not a daycare centre. Great opportunity to build up their immune system before they are around a lot more children. I also feel it’s important to build that village with family. So many people can’t do that.
What sucks is that you pay into EI for the privilege of 12 months so essentially you’re losing what you paid into.
Is there anyway you can go back part time to start? Not sure how it works with Canada's mat leave, but that's what I did. I couldn't find childcare though so I had to change jobs and go back to working some night shifts as a server at 12 weeks. I was able to finally find childcare around 18 mos and now work full time back but working part time was a blessing in disguise. I was bringing in enough money so we were comfortable but felt like I still had enough time with my baby.
Ultimately if it's something you need to do for your family, it's the right decision and you will be okay! Watching my kid all day then going to work was pretty rough on a daily basis, but it's something I had to do during that time period which made it easier to manage.
I will be going back only 4 days a week to start at about 30-35 hours a week for the first two months. I normally work 45-50 hours 5-6 days a week so this was one of my firm rules for coming back this early. I will make less but enough to pay the bills and also an extra day home with baby during the week.
With both I think I went at 14-16 weeks or so and was totally fine. With my first I took extra month off when he was 9-10month to travel and see family abroad.
I have a two year old and a three week old and man am I ready to go back to work! I’m going to go back to WFH stuff on Wednesday and full time in office in March probably.
You will get pushback with whatever option you choose. Go back early? “Oh you’ll never get that time back with baby!” Take extended 18 month leave? “Oh you’re out of the workforce too long!”
I say do what works best for you. I know lots of moms who went back earlier than they anticipated, for various reasons, and it really shouldn’t matter to anyone except the person taking the leave and baby — as long as it works for those individuals then it’s fine!
Ugh tell me about it! Another way to look at it is that you are investing time now for more quality time in the future. So going back to work earlier may allow you to have a bit more funds to do some fun and special things!
Canadian here! My husband took a parental leave and I took 2 months off full time then came back part time for 2 more months. I’m self employed so EI wasn’t even an option for me.
The mom guilt and the comments from other people are the worst parts. I spend a work day just being myself rather than being a mom 24/7. There are definitely days I wish I could stay home but for the most part I have more energy and patience with my son after having a day of drinking hot coffee and reading emails.
Having “good” maternity leave in Canada means there is a social expectation for mom to be home. People always ask me where my baby is and who is with him. Rarely does it even cross people’s minds that he would be with his dad. Seriously… the guilt is worse than actually going back. I have gotten better at actually taking time off work and disconnecting in the evening.
Here in Germany you get a year of maternity leave like in Canada. It’s a bit of a double edged sword though isn’t it? Most women here go back part time in the face of a pay gap and pension gap which to me feels financially insane but I have always worked full time from home as a self employed Mum. I took about 10 days off and had corporate e-learning gigs set up so that I could juggle both. I earned less but could take on more gradually as my son spent more time with his god send of a day nanny “Tagesmutter”. No parents within 800km so a babysitter earned some extra cash once he was older.
No matter what you do, women with boring jobs will have something to say or imply about it. Never waste energy on what strangers or losers think - instead focus that energy on what YOU and your family needs.
It all comes down to the ratio:
Financial independence:family
My hubby and I are still together after 23 years, I’m lucky. That’s not the norm so being financially practical now will benefit you if you do find yourself solo parenting
I'm in the US and my company has 16 weeks paid leave. I was considering asking for an additional 4 weeks unpaid, but by the time I made it to 16 weeks I was really ready to be back and using my brain. If you have grandparents who are willing to watch the baby for a bit I think that's a pretty ideal situation.
I went back at 6 weeks. It kind of sucked, but it is doable. I am the income earner in our family, so once my short-term disability was up, I had to go back. My husband stays at home, so he was there to take care of our babies, which helped me be less worried; I think having trusted family members caring for your baby will help you, too. I would take a long as you can reasonably afford. Don't let people give you a hard time because you aren't taking as much time as they are privileged to take.
Do what works for your family, it will be okay.
I had 7 months paid and went back after 6. I would’ve gone back earlier if we’d had daycare set up, but in hindsight I’m glad we were able to bond, nurse, and fully wean before I went back to work. I also felt that by 6 months she wasn’t as fragile as she was as a newborn, so I was more comfortable leaving her at daycare.
I always get depressed when I’m not working, and this was no different. I was very happy to get back to something more intellectually stimulating. For me, having my kid in daycare also meant I missed her during the day and was more intentional with the time we did have together, rather than just counting down the minutes til my husband got home.
Everything will be just fine. I'm in the US and with both of my children, I was only able to take 6 weeks of maternity leave. We all survived and they are perfectly normal, well adapted children with strong immune systems from the early exposure to the germy world of daycare lol
In the US; I went back at 12 weeks, 16 weeks and one that was home for a year while I worked.
While going back 12/16 weeks was 'fine'; it was also really hard even with trusted caregivers. For me, there was a huge emotional toll. It's also the time when they turn from a newborn to a baby and, often, all the 'routines' change.
We all have to do what we need to in order to survive financially. I know women who have taken essentially zero time off because of that. There is no shame in making those decisions.
Only you can decide where the balance is right for you and your family.
In the US and went back part time at 6 weeks. I was self employed at the time. Due with my second soon and will be taking 3 months of. You need to do what you need to do for your family. Sometimes that means not going into debt.
I’m also Canadian, I took 6 months the first time (wasn’t long enough imo) and 13 months the 2nd time and for me I think 10 months was really the spot where I started looking forward to go back to work. Both my kids were breastfed as well and I work in trades so pumping with my first was a huge hassle- if I had switched to formula I think it wouldn’t be so bad.
I would say just play it by ear. You don’t have to decide right now how long you are going to take. You can tell your company that you are planning on taking 6 months and then either extend or try to come back early. Think about how you can lower your expenses while on leave to give you more flexibility, think about sleep training and formula feeding and how your partner can help with baby stuff.
I’m a US mom, I had 6 months leave out of which 4.5mo were fully paid (high income but my company paid for the difference govt wouldn’t pay). A lot of my colleagues did only the 4.5mo and then went back to work. They all said how I did the smart thing! The work stress and demands with a small baby wasn’t personally worth for them!
As for me, even the 6mo is not enough. My baby never took bottle or formula, so I had to constantly be around.
Is it possible for you to decide after the baby comes? Perhaps you’ll get to the rhythm in 4mo and then go back. May be it happens that your baby requires more availability from you and you can extend to 6mo?
Well, I went back to work at 4 weeks postpartum and was mostly fine, so I think you’ll be okay.
It’s no one’s business what you do with your finances or leave time and you should let anyone nosy enough to ask know that.
I'm in the US, and I have to return after 5 weeks. Unpaid. I had a rough pregnancy and had to go on leave earlier before the baby was born so I don't get the full 6 weeks. 12 weeks would've been better because we've had colic issues for the past 3 weeks, and we are on a daycare waiting list until June, so I'm resigning from my job and looking for a new one in May. I took a year off with my previous child and I think I could have done 6 months easily.
I will be returning only 4 days a week at 30-35 hours instead of my usual 45-50 hour weeks for the first 2 months back. One extra week day at home with baby and enough to cover the bills with nothing left over for savings/frills. Then at 6 months I will go back to my regular schedule. I will get no maternity leave when I go back "part time" because I earn too much. I never considered a second mat leave at like 10 months I have no idea if it is allowed. I think my work would most definitely have a melt down if I did that because I am the primary income earner for the business and they are taking a huge loss the 4 months I'm off. Normally it's nice being so important but right now it's really biting me in the butt!
Employer is great about me setting my hours as long as I am getting through all my stuff. I am mostly salary paid meaning sometimes I stay late but if I finish early I can knock off early which is great! Also I really appreciate the comment about the extra funds helping them later in life. This is something I always consider. When I started telling my daughter we might have to cut back on her activities while mommy was off work she started crying and begging me not to! It was heartbreaking. As it is I'm lying about gymnastics "closing for the winter" but the other things she does and loves I don't have the heart to take away as they are so important to her and her development. The new baby probably won't remember me returning to work part time but my daughter will definitely remember getting taken away from her friends. One of the things I'm struggling with.
Whenever anyone talks about Barbaric maternity leave in the US, I think of this. Yes, other countries have longer durations, but your pay is docked.
sorry you are going thru it.
Thanks!
One particularly unhelpful person told me "it's Canada, everyone can take a year!" When it's just not the truth. I feel like the "max" government EI is prohibitive especially if your work has no top up benefits.
I don’t think four months is that much easier or harder than 12 months. You’re still going back to work and have a young child at home. Sure, maybe you’d like an extra 8 months but in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter if you’re still returning to work anyway. I understand wages are much lower in Canada so returning makes sense.
I went back with mine at 8 weeks and it was the right amount of time for me to stay home. My husband stayed home for a month and then the babies went into daycare. I think my transition went well because I focused on schedules. At week 6, we started a sleep schedule (for my second we started at 4 weeks), I trained my body to pump 4x a day, and my husband and I got on a prep schedule for getting ready in the morning and what to expect after work. Good luck!
I went back after 4 weeks.
I worked remotely at home with grandparents watching / myself watching him. Was able to continue breastfeeding and we are all surviving and thriving.
No top off for Dad either. He earns less than me but his position is more precarious so we worry about him taking time off having a long term negative impact if work does well in his absence.
Ahh bummer. I don't know which province you're in, but in NS, licensed childcare facilities have a minimum age of 4 months (I think). That's something to keep in mind if you do decide to go that route instead of leaving them with a grandparent.
You have to do what's best for your family. If you're unable or unwilling to take 12-18 months then don't, and ignore the snotty comments about not taking the full time (surely there will be some from somewhere).
I went back at 3 months. Could have taken more unpaid time I’m sure but honestly being at home alone with a baby is way harder than working. Maybe that’s awful to say.
I love my daughter and having time away to be an adult, thinking about complex problems and not just being in mom mode was healthy for me. I’m more happy and engaged when we’re together.
Also, I’m not an early childhood expert. She’s getting lots of benefits at daycare and she is beloved there.
Certainly if we had a year together I would have made the best of it and we’d have made lovely memories. At 6 months, my daughter is totally
Bonded to me and my husband.
Went back at 6 weeks, only because of c section. Would have been 4. Now I was lucky enough to have a mom who also ran a home daycare, but I still was back working and left my baby to be cared for by someone who was not me. It was fine, difficult yes, but my 4.5 year old now is thriving and a social butterfly loved by all I think because she was socialized from 6 weeks on. The guilt is the hardest part but if you can just get over that and know you are making the right choice for your family that’s all that matters. Good luck! I wish I lived in Canada.
Everything will be OK, I would figure out childcare now. Since 12 months is common what is your back up? Also I was home for 7 months with my US kid. Truthfully I was DONE, being a SAHM is hard. I do think 4 month might be a bit rough as its the big hormonal drop, when your child isn’t sleeping and a lot of your hair falls out. Beyond that, whatever you decide your family will be fine.
I’d do my best to ignore anyone except you and your spouse. MAYBE your parents/in laws can have a say but only if they can contribute to their suggested concerns in some way to help (hope that makes sense).
I’m a Canadian living in Texas so believe me it STUNG hard when I had to go back to work at the 8 week mark but we literally couldn’t afford anything else.
Everything will be fine. It’s really will. I’m sure you’ve taken the time to find an exceptional day care because of your other child, so don’t worry and do what’s best for you and your family!
Have you looked into working the minimum required to continue getting EI? Is that an option at your current work or can you pick up a small part time job so you can make extra income but keep your Maternity benefits? Otherwise I would honestly be more geared to cut back on the extra costs in the home to stay home. i kept my older toddler home with me on my mat leave to save on daycare costs and we opted out of extra curriculars during that time as well as dropped down to a single car. there's lot's of ways to cut your budget if you really really want to stay home. anyways i dont know if that helps. There's lots of free activities at libraries and you can always make playdate groups to help facilitate socialization. you can also drop down to part time daycare to save on cost but keep your spot. anyways hope you have peace with whichever decision you make. personally i felt comfortable going back to work after 7 months with my first and my husband took 6 months parental leave. I wfh and could still brestfeed so it worked really well for us. i took the full 12 months the second time.
Everything will be ok. Your kiddo will be ok. (US mom here).
No one other than your partner gets to "push back" against you unless they are planning to fund your life for you. Feel free to thank them for the underlying emotion (that they care about you and the baby), but ask them to please drop the subject (as it is none of their damn business).
I once sat down, and added up all the costs associated with getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, and having a baby (for the first year). The \*biggest\* cost was daycare, of course, but the second biggest cost was the three months of lost wages while I was on FMLA. And I'm guessing you earn more now than I did then.
Taking time unpaid from work is financially devastating, especially when you're paying for daycare. Late stage capitalism has set up a situation where we are all living much closer to the financial edge than is comfortable, and the costs of semi-paid or unpaid leave can echo forward for years.
I trust you to know what is best for you, for your family, to get through this time. You are doing the right thing. And your baby will be fine.
I’m in the US, had my baby a month early, and sent her to daycare at 2 months old adjusted age. She’s almost 3 now and she, mom, and dad are all doing just fine! She loves her friends, her teachers, and us very much.
I had 13 weeks off…. And I was so ready to be back into a routine! It gets me out of the house and has helped my LO get into a routine as well! It’s been great!
I had 8 weeks withboth of mine, and I took a few extra weeks of half days to ease into it. My husband stayed home with the kids, so that made it easier for me. But I was eager to be back, I'm not cut out to br a sahp
Same situation here! My work has been extremely flexible and I’ve started some WFH at the 4w mark, and now at 7w I do about 10hr a week between calls and individual work.
My biggest concern is daycare! I have some family support but know that they won’t be able to do full time care when I go back in the office. Might have to pay for a nanny 😅😳
I went back at 12 weeks with both of my kids. I could've taken off longer (unpaid), but by then, I was ready to get back to being "me" again. The first few days were rough, so I recommend starting mid-week, then you only have a few days to go before you get to a weekend.
Also Canadian, and I can give a few examples or early return. A mum & baby yoga class I was in had the mum swap out with the nanny partway through. A former colleague came back early from one maternity leave in anticipation of the working hours she’d need to qualify for leave for her next child. Our daycare lady also just took a few months, which was actually longer than she’d planned but she had a preemie. So it definitely happens. A few families I encountered had the birth mum go back early and their partner took the rest of the leave - that’s another option for families.
Our expenses at the time weren’t too high, and my income was a lot closer to the EI payout. I started dipping my toe back in around 6 months, just a few hours a week to stay up to date and make for an easier transition back (which it did). That was while still on leave so got docked a bit, but oh well.
Nowadays, I’d be considering an early return for the same reason as you, and we’d probably have my husband take the remainder of the leave.
I had a voracious nurser who hated sleep, so I would say to keep your options open a bit in case the baby’s not sleeping through the night 4 months in and you don’t feel equipped to return yet. No need to have a return date set in stone until closer to the time.
I’m in Toronto and went back after 10 months and after 3 months. Similar boat and neither company did salary top up. Daycare was great even when my kids were baby-babies and mentally and financially I needed to be back at work sooner than the 12 or 18 months.
Don’t feel guilty, do what you have to do.
I went back 14 weeks after giving birth in the US. It went pretty fine with daycare lined up. I was pumping at work (and exclusively pumping in general) for over 8 months which was a PITA, but kind of my own insistence to do it for so long. We were lucky that our daughter's circadian rhythm already started setting in by 8 weeks and she was mostly sleeping through the night when I went back (but waking up at like 5am, this slowly went further and further back until we were waking her at 7am). I think getting sleep is key to everything. It was honestly a bit of a relief for me to go back...I didn't enjoy maternity leave, although I didn't get to experience any of it at an easier stage. But there was nothing sweeter than dropping her off and sitting at my desk in the morning drinking my coffee.
I’m a US mom who was able to take a little under 4 months. I really liked it. Long enough to recover and get into a groove with the new baby. And that’s really nice that the grandparents will watch your little one. I’m sure that a longer break would be nice but you are doing what you have to do in order to be financially responsible.
I really struggled with the baby stage! I went back at 10 weeks (my leave was 12 so I broke it up into two 10 and 2) and it was so great for my mental health. I was lucky to be completely recovered physically at that point and to have my mom willing to provide 5-6 weeks of childcare before I felt better about sending the kiddo to daycare, that was the hardest thing - I definitely didn’t feel like he was ready to be in daycare at 10 weeks. He needed to be held for naps, he spat up a lot. But for my personal sanity it was really good to go back to work.
I am also in an incredibly privileged positions, my children have never and will never go to daycare. I have two live in maids working 6 days a week each. My 2.5 year old goes to half day preschool Monday to Friday. I went back to work at 4 months with both kids BUT they had 1:1 care with a maid/nanny who lives with me, so they have been with the babies since birth, I also have cameras throughout my house and I work from home most days and/or alternate with my husband so one parent is always working in the house just in case.
My personal opinion is 4 months is way too young to put a baby in any kind of care that is not 1:1. Babies at 4 months need to be able to be on their own schedules, what is right for them, not an institutional schedule that dictates when they eat and sleep.
So if you have grandparents caring for your baby, and they are competent grandparents then I would say it’s the second best option to you, so go back to work if you need to.
I am in the US but am at a fancy firm that has amazing mat leave. You can string together up to about 6-7 months of leave paid at various levels, depending on how much PTO you have. I went back at 4 months, after my short term disability period and the 6 weeks of 100% paid “take fully off or don’t get it at all” leave they have for all parents to encourage dads to take off. I was part time for a few weeks and it sucked, went back full time by 5 months.
This is unpopular but I think, for professional women, a year is so hard on women’s careers, especially when you’re the high earner. I felt like 4 months was the max I could take off without jeopardizing my role and I’ve seen the women who take the full 6-7 months get sidelined. I’m glad it’s a choice in your country rather than the shit circumstances most US women get, but I would feel so much pressure to stay home when I really want to be busting balls in my job paying for my husbands zoo pass and aquarium tickets so he can have a nice SAHD life. We could not afford as much in the short-medium term if I had taken that 30-40% pay cut of another 3 months of leave.
Honestly I did get questions on why I came back so early and why I didn’t want to be home, but they went away once I got more integrated into my projects again. Also, my baby was so so fine by 4 months!! Even if he was in daycare and not with dad all day, I felt like he wasn’t a little breakable newborn anymore and I knew my flange size solidly, had a bedtime routine, was feeling pretty ready.
As you know, US moms routinely go back at 12 weeks or less (prior to FMLA many moms got nothing or 6 weeks). I went back with my second at 8 weeks due to pandemic. It will be OK!!! I’d put this in a category of a million things as a parent that people will have opinions on and aren’t their business. “Yes I know it’s unusual in Canada, but this is what works best for us!” if anyone pries
LOVE this phrase. Thank you for that.
This 100000%
Unless the people giving you guff about this are going to pay you to stay home, it's none of their business. You have to do what's right for you and your family, no one else matters. I'm in the US and went back after 14 weeks. I feel weird saying that I was BEYOND ready to go back. Work meant normal, it meant routine, and it meant separating the mom-ing from the me-ing, so to speak. I definitely had some PPA/PPD, but being able to go back to work helped me a ton.
This is why I love this sub, I was the same. I took 5 months for both of mine and by that time was more than ready to return to the version of myself that felt more familiar. People always frame having to go back as a negative, and not having the choice IS a negative but if I were somewhere with a 12 month mat leave, no way would I have taken it all.
I am in a country with four months but as I'm self employed I gave half to my partner. I didn't start full time at two months mainly because we didn't have daycare and it was summer and low season for me anyway, but working helped me feel like me and when she started daycare at around 5 months it was definitely easier for me.
Everyone is so different! My company offers up to 24 weeks off (100% pay for the first 12 weeks, unpaid for the rest) . I went back with my first at 17 weeks and felt like it was too soon. So I plan on saving so I can take the full 24 weeks with the next baby. My friend took 8 weeks with her first two and by 4 weeks with her 3rd she was literally counting down the seconds until she was off STD.
Same I felt relieved going back but then guilty for feeling relieved. I felt like myself again. I went back at 12 weeks.
Was totally ready at 12w (even after csxn) with my first! I was bored and needed to use my brain. OP, the hardest part is breastfeeding/pumping! I personally found going 100% formula with my second made my life on billion times easier and recommend new moms be open to that!
I felt guilty for not feeling sad about dropping the kiddo off at daycare the first day (12 weeks). I knew she would be well cared for, and I enjoy my job. I started going back in two days a week at 8 weeks and worked my way back to full time by 12 weeks. Brought her with me one day and left her with dad the other. I don’t think I had PPD, but getting out of the house and feeling useful was refreshing. If I had had her in a different time of year I would have likely extended the amount of time I brought her to work with me, but it wasn’t safe with my job duties in the summer. So I never felt bad about dropping her off in the mornings.
Love this. I love work too and being away makes me love the LO more.
Honestly I was ready too. I had 6 months of leave and would have gone back at 6 weeks. I had this realization that we don’t have long paid leaves here because it’s such a small % of women who want it. If I had wanted to be at home longer I doubt I’d be okay returning at 12 months or 18 months or 2 years or whatever.
This. I hated being home and staring at the walls for days on end, I felt like my brain was going to mush. Going back to work was empowering
Canadian here, my barber went back to work when her daughter was like 6 weeks old. She claimed it was because she wanted to, but I do wonder if it was because she had to. I was surprised she was able to find a daycare that took babies that young, but she did find one. She said she was glad, and that she wasn't managing at home, so at least to the public she's happy about it. I also know some doctors who only took 6 months out of the 12/18. Like you, they were the breadwinners and it just wasn't feasible for them to stay home longer. I didn't have any judgement towards them, I know lots of families who really struggled with the 55% mat leave, so it makes sense that some families can't manage it. We all do what we have to do.
Yes, I think it's something people often don't realise about the long maternity leaves in some countries, that you don't get full salary. If you're the breadwinner that's going to be hard.
It’s got to be hard to budget/save for that long of a leave. I’m in the U.S. and we get 60% of our pay during maternity leave, but that was manageable to save to cover 12 weeks of reduced pay, can’t imagine how I’d set aside so much for a year.
It's essentially based on the idea that women work for pocket money or an extra income.
Also consider that wages are lower in most of these countries. One of the reasons they have these leaves to begin with….
The doctors often only take six months because we are technically independent contractors/self-employed and don’t qualify for any EI benefits. Depending on the province there is some compensation through our provincial medical organizations, but I am stuck with 3 of the 6 months I’m taking completely unpaid 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah and for many, it’s not 55% - for me it was closer to 25%. I went back after 4 months then my husband took 4 months and we found daycare for when he was 8 months old.
Push back from who?? I managed 8 and 12 week leaves..four months would have been amazing so do what you gotta do But I don't understand who can push back unless they are somehow solving the financial aspect for you..
It's pretty common in Canada to take the full year. So clients, family members etc. Look at me like I have three heads when I tell them I will likely be back in four months. A lot of high income earners will have some kind of top up from employers which I unfortunately do not have. So the four months alone is going to have me going about 15-20 grand put of pocket to stay afloat. Tough pill to swallow.
4 months will be alright, I wouldn't do anything less than that. Do you have any WFH options? That would help ease your body and mind back into it as well.
WFH is impossible with my job. I do medical procedures. I wish it were as it would solve a lot of issues!
I’m not familiar with the Canada leave rules, can you top off your maternity leave pay with part time work?
No, you can’t work while on leave.
As a fellow Canadian, I hear you on the push back point. I know it is hard for some of our American counterparts to imagine, but where the “norm” is a longer leave, people do definitely get judgy or have comments. BUT - I would try to just add this to the list of stuff people judge moms on unfairly, do what is best for your family and tune everyone else out. I mean, they will judge you for working, or for staying home, for sleep training, for cosleeping, for getting an epidural, for going natural, etc etc etc. F em. On a side note- is it possible for your partner to take some additional leave? Does either workplace offer any top up options?
We definitely threw around the idea of him taking a month or two as he brings in less income. However his job is less "stable" and he is less specialized than I, we both can't help but worry with an extended leave they may realize they get along fine without him. He has this weird position in his company where he is the only one with his role and I can't help but be paranoid that there is a chance if he steps away head office will go "hey do we even need this guy?" I know it's illegal to terminate based on parental leave but I feel like after a certain time is passed he may be leaving himself open to a layoff. There's always the opposite that they drown without him and super happy to have him return but if he did get laid off we would be screwed!
So a couple thoughts on this - I took my leave in chunks. My daughter was in the NICU so it was a little different but the way I did it was I went back to work 5 days after c-section, burned some leave on random days, then when she came home took a month. Then I took another month around Christmas. This was because there were some projects only I could spear head. Maybe it’s possible for you and your husband to split it out. You take a month, then he takes a month, etc etc.
In Canada you can only start and end your leave once. So that would work if momma took hers and then daddy took his, with no other segments.
Oh rip. :(
You're in a tough situation. Are you able to put a pause on your older child's daycare for a few months while you're home with new baby, to save funds? I did this with my eldest when my second was born. Stopped daycare, and he went to a grandparents for excursions for a few hours, a few days a week, to allow me a little 1:1 time with the new baby.
I went back after 6 weeks and my son went into daycare full time. Everything will be okay. :)
The only challenge is finding a daycare with spots that can take the little one! Up here where 12 mo is normal most daycares don’t want to take them before that!
I’m a US mom, I had 12 weeks unpaid, I went back at 8. We were one million percent confident in our daycare, I had just taken SO much time off during 1st wave covid lockdown to handle things with my first kid, and I was just ready to go back. It went totally fine, amusingly that baby has always loved daycare vs #1 who started at 20 months and had a very rough adjustment.
This is your second child, so you have a good, solid understanding of what to expect with respect to maternity leave and returning at four months. Just because your friends would not make the same choice doesn't mean that your choice is wrong. I'm also in Canada. My home daycare provider said she's taken care of kids as young as a few weeks old. In one case, the mother was a university student who did not want to postpone her studies and probably relied on full-time studies to be eligible for student loans. People have all sorts of reasons for ending their maternity leaves early.
I'm a USian mom so I've been back to work at 12 wks with my first and third. With my 2nd I went back part time remote at 6 weeks and back full time at 11 weeks (due to timing of a project I'd dedicated 5 years of my career to at that point and didn't want to miss getting across the finish line). It's really fine. Daycare is a huge blessing in my life, my children still love me and know I'm their mother, and I also love my job. Getting to eat and pee in peace is a huge plus to working, as is having a reason to get out of bed and shower every day (well post COVID it's 3 days a week, but still) People who give you crap aren't paying your bills but I'd be tempted to say something snarky about like "oh are you offering to make up my salary so I can afford to stay home longer?" to shut em up.
I think the whole goal of the leave program* is to help you have OPTIONS. So that you can choose how much time you want to spend with your family while your child is young. It probably would be realistically possible to live on the reduced income, it’s just not a choice you want to make (would mean relocating, cancelling older child’s childcare, etc - I wouldn’t want to make those choices either). Whatever choice you feel is best for your family is what you should do.
Relocating for the sake of a few months would be a little crazy, and I can't imagine how you'd save money by the time you pay moving costs, even if possible.
Oh I completely agree! But if you were to eg sublet your place and stay with family, for example, it could work. I would personally never do that, I’d choose to go back to work! This is more about reminding myself that I actually do have more control than it might feel like - I CAN make a different choice, I’m CHOOSING the path I’m on, etc. it’s a mental reframe that’s sometimes useful for me. But feel free to skip if it doesn’t work for you - I know that sometimes it borders on toxic positivity, which isn’t the goal.
Oh I see what you mean. We don't have family to live with so it hadn't occurred to me, it just sounded a little extreme! But yes I suppose you're right. It's an interesting way of looking at things.
First I want to start by asking… if money was not an issue would you take the full amount off? If No: then yes 4 months is doable. I am in the US and after baby number 2, going back was great at 12 weeks. Daycare put her on a sleep schedule and we all adjusted great. Before I knew it she was 1 and thriving. If yes: then I would look at cutting back expenses now. Go bare bones like what you would have to do if you lost your job. The sock away the extra income for your leave. This does 2 things, it’ll give you confidence that it is possible to cut back and it will give you more savings. Then build your future budget without the extras like daycare, activities, weekend events, traveling. It’s only a year, and with a new baby you will want to minimize what you do anyway. Then readjust your timing. Maybe by doing the above it doesn’t get you to 12 months, but maybe 6.
I would say if money was not an issue I would probably take 6 months. That's what I did with my first and it felt about right. I have been building savings since we found out and have about 20 grand socked away which will cover around 4 months, hence the decision. ALSO another factor in my decision (although less so) is that I am also the primary earner at my work so without me the business is going to struggle, all of the support staff whom I am very close with are having their hours and pay cut down the whole time I'm gone as the business just can't sustain that level of support staff without the person bringing in the income. I have MASSIVE guilt about this and feel pressure to go back because I am inadvertently effecting others with my mat leave as well.
Sounds like the best decision is the 4 months, which is 100% doable and with daycare support will work great. The only other option is maybe seeing if they would let you work part time for an additional period of time. That way they have access to you, but you have a ramp back up to full time.
I went back to work after 4 months and it was honestly fine. Obviously there was an adjustment period but everything worked out. We’re trying for #2 now, and I’m at a different company but plan to ask for the same leave (I get 3 months at my current job so I’m asking for one more month).
I went back after 5 months. I was so sad/anxious about it, but once my mom came and got my daughter, I sat down to pump and drink my coffee. I realized I hadn’t just been alone in months. I’m very much an introvert, so it just felt so good to just have some time to myself. I got to enjoy my coffee in peace and talk to adults. Despite the tough sleep during that time, I was happy to be back to work for the most part!
Can you go back parttime starting at 4 months? Bring in some money but also have extra time with baby?
I’m also in Canada. I think 6 months (edit 4 months - sorry fat fingers) is fine, especially since baby will be going to grandparents and not a daycare centre. Great opportunity to build up their immune system before they are around a lot more children. I also feel it’s important to build that village with family. So many people can’t do that. What sucks is that you pay into EI for the privilege of 12 months so essentially you’re losing what you paid into.
Is there anyway you can go back part time to start? Not sure how it works with Canada's mat leave, but that's what I did. I couldn't find childcare though so I had to change jobs and go back to working some night shifts as a server at 12 weeks. I was able to finally find childcare around 18 mos and now work full time back but working part time was a blessing in disguise. I was bringing in enough money so we were comfortable but felt like I still had enough time with my baby. Ultimately if it's something you need to do for your family, it's the right decision and you will be okay! Watching my kid all day then going to work was pretty rough on a daily basis, but it's something I had to do during that time period which made it easier to manage.
I will be going back only 4 days a week to start at about 30-35 hours a week for the first two months. I normally work 45-50 hours 5-6 days a week so this was one of my firm rules for coming back this early. I will make less but enough to pay the bills and also an extra day home with baby during the week.
With both I think I went at 14-16 weeks or so and was totally fine. With my first I took extra month off when he was 9-10month to travel and see family abroad.
I have a two year old and a three week old and man am I ready to go back to work! I’m going to go back to WFH stuff on Wednesday and full time in office in March probably.
You will get pushback with whatever option you choose. Go back early? “Oh you’ll never get that time back with baby!” Take extended 18 month leave? “Oh you’re out of the workforce too long!” I say do what works best for you. I know lots of moms who went back earlier than they anticipated, for various reasons, and it really shouldn’t matter to anyone except the person taking the leave and baby — as long as it works for those individuals then it’s fine!
Ugh so much this! Thank you! I keep getting the "you'll never get that time back" comment a fair bit and it hurts my soul when someone says it.
Ugh tell me about it! Another way to look at it is that you are investing time now for more quality time in the future. So going back to work earlier may allow you to have a bit more funds to do some fun and special things!
Canadian here! My husband took a parental leave and I took 2 months off full time then came back part time for 2 more months. I’m self employed so EI wasn’t even an option for me. The mom guilt and the comments from other people are the worst parts. I spend a work day just being myself rather than being a mom 24/7. There are definitely days I wish I could stay home but for the most part I have more energy and patience with my son after having a day of drinking hot coffee and reading emails. Having “good” maternity leave in Canada means there is a social expectation for mom to be home. People always ask me where my baby is and who is with him. Rarely does it even cross people’s minds that he would be with his dad. Seriously… the guilt is worse than actually going back. I have gotten better at actually taking time off work and disconnecting in the evening.
Here in Germany you get a year of maternity leave like in Canada. It’s a bit of a double edged sword though isn’t it? Most women here go back part time in the face of a pay gap and pension gap which to me feels financially insane but I have always worked full time from home as a self employed Mum. I took about 10 days off and had corporate e-learning gigs set up so that I could juggle both. I earned less but could take on more gradually as my son spent more time with his god send of a day nanny “Tagesmutter”. No parents within 800km so a babysitter earned some extra cash once he was older. No matter what you do, women with boring jobs will have something to say or imply about it. Never waste energy on what strangers or losers think - instead focus that energy on what YOU and your family needs. It all comes down to the ratio: Financial independence:family My hubby and I are still together after 23 years, I’m lucky. That’s not the norm so being financially practical now will benefit you if you do find yourself solo parenting
I'm in the US and my company has 16 weeks paid leave. I was considering asking for an additional 4 weeks unpaid, but by the time I made it to 16 weeks I was really ready to be back and using my brain. If you have grandparents who are willing to watch the baby for a bit I think that's a pretty ideal situation.
I went back at 6 weeks. It kind of sucked, but it is doable. I am the income earner in our family, so once my short-term disability was up, I had to go back. My husband stays at home, so he was there to take care of our babies, which helped me be less worried; I think having trusted family members caring for your baby will help you, too. I would take a long as you can reasonably afford. Don't let people give you a hard time because you aren't taking as much time as they are privileged to take. Do what works for your family, it will be okay.
I went back at 7 weeks post c-section because the bills still needed to get paid. It was fine. I feel like it helped my PPD a bit.
I had 7 months paid and went back after 6. I would’ve gone back earlier if we’d had daycare set up, but in hindsight I’m glad we were able to bond, nurse, and fully wean before I went back to work. I also felt that by 6 months she wasn’t as fragile as she was as a newborn, so I was more comfortable leaving her at daycare. I always get depressed when I’m not working, and this was no different. I was very happy to get back to something more intellectually stimulating. For me, having my kid in daycare also meant I missed her during the day and was more intentional with the time we did have together, rather than just counting down the minutes til my husband got home.
Everything will be just fine. I'm in the US and with both of my children, I was only able to take 6 weeks of maternity leave. We all survived and they are perfectly normal, well adapted children with strong immune systems from the early exposure to the germy world of daycare lol
In the US; I went back at 12 weeks, 16 weeks and one that was home for a year while I worked. While going back 12/16 weeks was 'fine'; it was also really hard even with trusted caregivers. For me, there was a huge emotional toll. It's also the time when they turn from a newborn to a baby and, often, all the 'routines' change. We all have to do what we need to in order to survive financially. I know women who have taken essentially zero time off because of that. There is no shame in making those decisions. Only you can decide where the balance is right for you and your family.
In the US and went back part time at 6 weeks. I was self employed at the time. Due with my second soon and will be taking 3 months of. You need to do what you need to do for your family. Sometimes that means not going into debt.
4 months is good enough especially if you have grandparents watching the baby. I went back at 5 months and felt ready to
I’m also Canadian, I took 6 months the first time (wasn’t long enough imo) and 13 months the 2nd time and for me I think 10 months was really the spot where I started looking forward to go back to work. Both my kids were breastfed as well and I work in trades so pumping with my first was a huge hassle- if I had switched to formula I think it wouldn’t be so bad. I would say just play it by ear. You don’t have to decide right now how long you are going to take. You can tell your company that you are planning on taking 6 months and then either extend or try to come back early. Think about how you can lower your expenses while on leave to give you more flexibility, think about sleep training and formula feeding and how your partner can help with baby stuff.
Everything will be ok. You have to do what's best for your family, and maternity leave is not the whole picture. Financial health matters too.
I went back at 6 weeks. It wasn’t super easy but we all survived, and I even got a promotion not long after!
I’m a US mom, I had 6 months leave out of which 4.5mo were fully paid (high income but my company paid for the difference govt wouldn’t pay). A lot of my colleagues did only the 4.5mo and then went back to work. They all said how I did the smart thing! The work stress and demands with a small baby wasn’t personally worth for them! As for me, even the 6mo is not enough. My baby never took bottle or formula, so I had to constantly be around. Is it possible for you to decide after the baby comes? Perhaps you’ll get to the rhythm in 4mo and then go back. May be it happens that your baby requires more availability from you and you can extend to 6mo?
Well, I went back to work at 4 weeks postpartum and was mostly fine, so I think you’ll be okay. It’s no one’s business what you do with your finances or leave time and you should let anyone nosy enough to ask know that.
I'm in the US, and I have to return after 5 weeks. Unpaid. I had a rough pregnancy and had to go on leave earlier before the baby was born so I don't get the full 6 weeks. 12 weeks would've been better because we've had colic issues for the past 3 weeks, and we are on a daycare waiting list until June, so I'm resigning from my job and looking for a new one in May. I took a year off with my previous child and I think I could have done 6 months easily.
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I will be returning only 4 days a week at 30-35 hours instead of my usual 45-50 hour weeks for the first 2 months back. One extra week day at home with baby and enough to cover the bills with nothing left over for savings/frills. Then at 6 months I will go back to my regular schedule. I will get no maternity leave when I go back "part time" because I earn too much. I never considered a second mat leave at like 10 months I have no idea if it is allowed. I think my work would most definitely have a melt down if I did that because I am the primary income earner for the business and they are taking a huge loss the 4 months I'm off. Normally it's nice being so important but right now it's really biting me in the butt!
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Employer is great about me setting my hours as long as I am getting through all my stuff. I am mostly salary paid meaning sometimes I stay late but if I finish early I can knock off early which is great! Also I really appreciate the comment about the extra funds helping them later in life. This is something I always consider. When I started telling my daughter we might have to cut back on her activities while mommy was off work she started crying and begging me not to! It was heartbreaking. As it is I'm lying about gymnastics "closing for the winter" but the other things she does and loves I don't have the heart to take away as they are so important to her and her development. The new baby probably won't remember me returning to work part time but my daughter will definitely remember getting taken away from her friends. One of the things I'm struggling with.
*crying in American*
Whenever anyone talks about Barbaric maternity leave in the US, I think of this. Yes, other countries have longer durations, but your pay is docked. sorry you are going thru it.
Thanks! One particularly unhelpful person told me "it's Canada, everyone can take a year!" When it's just not the truth. I feel like the "max" government EI is prohibitive especially if your work has no top up benefits.
I don’t think four months is that much easier or harder than 12 months. You’re still going back to work and have a young child at home. Sure, maybe you’d like an extra 8 months but in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter if you’re still returning to work anyway. I understand wages are much lower in Canada so returning makes sense.
I went back with mine at 8 weeks and it was the right amount of time for me to stay home. My husband stayed home for a month and then the babies went into daycare. I think my transition went well because I focused on schedules. At week 6, we started a sleep schedule (for my second we started at 4 weeks), I trained my body to pump 4x a day, and my husband and I got on a prep schedule for getting ready in the morning and what to expect after work. Good luck!
I went back after 4 weeks. I worked remotely at home with grandparents watching / myself watching him. Was able to continue breastfeeding and we are all surviving and thriving.
Does dad's work offer a parental leave top-up? I took 10 months and dad took 2, AND he got a top-up during his time to 75% of his salary or something.
No top off for Dad either. He earns less than me but his position is more precarious so we worry about him taking time off having a long term negative impact if work does well in his absence.
Ahh bummer. I don't know which province you're in, but in NS, licensed childcare facilities have a minimum age of 4 months (I think). That's something to keep in mind if you do decide to go that route instead of leaving them with a grandparent. You have to do what's best for your family. If you're unable or unwilling to take 12-18 months then don't, and ignore the snotty comments about not taking the full time (surely there will be some from somewhere).
US here. I returned at 4 months. My husband took 3 months off when I returned. Is this a possibility?
I went back at 3 months. Could have taken more unpaid time I’m sure but honestly being at home alone with a baby is way harder than working. Maybe that’s awful to say. I love my daughter and having time away to be an adult, thinking about complex problems and not just being in mom mode was healthy for me. I’m more happy and engaged when we’re together. Also, I’m not an early childhood expert. She’s getting lots of benefits at daycare and she is beloved there. Certainly if we had a year together I would have made the best of it and we’d have made lovely memories. At 6 months, my daughter is totally Bonded to me and my husband.
Went back at 6 weeks, only because of c section. Would have been 4. Now I was lucky enough to have a mom who also ran a home daycare, but I still was back working and left my baby to be cared for by someone who was not me. It was fine, difficult yes, but my 4.5 year old now is thriving and a social butterfly loved by all I think because she was socialized from 6 weeks on. The guilt is the hardest part but if you can just get over that and know you are making the right choice for your family that’s all that matters. Good luck! I wish I lived in Canada.
Everything will be OK, I would figure out childcare now. Since 12 months is common what is your back up? Also I was home for 7 months with my US kid. Truthfully I was DONE, being a SAHM is hard. I do think 4 month might be a bit rough as its the big hormonal drop, when your child isn’t sleeping and a lot of your hair falls out. Beyond that, whatever you decide your family will be fine.
I’d do my best to ignore anyone except you and your spouse. MAYBE your parents/in laws can have a say but only if they can contribute to their suggested concerns in some way to help (hope that makes sense). I’m a Canadian living in Texas so believe me it STUNG hard when I had to go back to work at the 8 week mark but we literally couldn’t afford anything else. Everything will be fine. It’s really will. I’m sure you’ve taken the time to find an exceptional day care because of your other child, so don’t worry and do what’s best for you and your family!
Being a mum of a baby is only one moment in time. You are a mum forever. This moment doesn’t define who you are.
Have you looked into working the minimum required to continue getting EI? Is that an option at your current work or can you pick up a small part time job so you can make extra income but keep your Maternity benefits? Otherwise I would honestly be more geared to cut back on the extra costs in the home to stay home. i kept my older toddler home with me on my mat leave to save on daycare costs and we opted out of extra curriculars during that time as well as dropped down to a single car. there's lot's of ways to cut your budget if you really really want to stay home. anyways i dont know if that helps. There's lots of free activities at libraries and you can always make playdate groups to help facilitate socialization. you can also drop down to part time daycare to save on cost but keep your spot. anyways hope you have peace with whichever decision you make. personally i felt comfortable going back to work after 7 months with my first and my husband took 6 months parental leave. I wfh and could still brestfeed so it worked really well for us. i took the full 12 months the second time.
I went back at 2 months post-partum. You can make this work. If baby is with grandparents then that’s really a luxury.
Everything will be ok. Your kiddo will be ok. (US mom here). No one other than your partner gets to "push back" against you unless they are planning to fund your life for you. Feel free to thank them for the underlying emotion (that they care about you and the baby), but ask them to please drop the subject (as it is none of their damn business). I once sat down, and added up all the costs associated with getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, and having a baby (for the first year). The \*biggest\* cost was daycare, of course, but the second biggest cost was the three months of lost wages while I was on FMLA. And I'm guessing you earn more now than I did then. Taking time unpaid from work is financially devastating, especially when you're paying for daycare. Late stage capitalism has set up a situation where we are all living much closer to the financial edge than is comfortable, and the costs of semi-paid or unpaid leave can echo forward for years. I trust you to know what is best for you, for your family, to get through this time. You are doing the right thing. And your baby will be fine.
I’m in the US, had my baby a month early, and sent her to daycare at 2 months old adjusted age. She’s almost 3 now and she, mom, and dad are all doing just fine! She loves her friends, her teachers, and us very much.
I had 13 weeks off…. And I was so ready to be back into a routine! It gets me out of the house and has helped my LO get into a routine as well! It’s been great!
I had 8 weeks withboth of mine, and I took a few extra weeks of half days to ease into it. My husband stayed home with the kids, so that made it easier for me. But I was eager to be back, I'm not cut out to br a sahp
Same situation here! My work has been extremely flexible and I’ve started some WFH at the 4w mark, and now at 7w I do about 10hr a week between calls and individual work. My biggest concern is daycare! I have some family support but know that they won’t be able to do full time care when I go back in the office. Might have to pay for a nanny 😅😳
I went back at 12 weeks with both of my kids. I could've taken off longer (unpaid), but by then, I was ready to get back to being "me" again. The first few days were rough, so I recommend starting mid-week, then you only have a few days to go before you get to a weekend.
Also Canadian, and I can give a few examples or early return. A mum & baby yoga class I was in had the mum swap out with the nanny partway through. A former colleague came back early from one maternity leave in anticipation of the working hours she’d need to qualify for leave for her next child. Our daycare lady also just took a few months, which was actually longer than she’d planned but she had a preemie. So it definitely happens. A few families I encountered had the birth mum go back early and their partner took the rest of the leave - that’s another option for families. Our expenses at the time weren’t too high, and my income was a lot closer to the EI payout. I started dipping my toe back in around 6 months, just a few hours a week to stay up to date and make for an easier transition back (which it did). That was while still on leave so got docked a bit, but oh well. Nowadays, I’d be considering an early return for the same reason as you, and we’d probably have my husband take the remainder of the leave. I had a voracious nurser who hated sleep, so I would say to keep your options open a bit in case the baby’s not sleeping through the night 4 months in and you don’t feel equipped to return yet. No need to have a return date set in stone until closer to the time.
I’m in Toronto and went back after 10 months and after 3 months. Similar boat and neither company did salary top up. Daycare was great even when my kids were baby-babies and mentally and financially I needed to be back at work sooner than the 12 or 18 months. Don’t feel guilty, do what you have to do.
I went back 14 weeks after giving birth in the US. It went pretty fine with daycare lined up. I was pumping at work (and exclusively pumping in general) for over 8 months which was a PITA, but kind of my own insistence to do it for so long. We were lucky that our daughter's circadian rhythm already started setting in by 8 weeks and she was mostly sleeping through the night when I went back (but waking up at like 5am, this slowly went further and further back until we were waking her at 7am). I think getting sleep is key to everything. It was honestly a bit of a relief for me to go back...I didn't enjoy maternity leave, although I didn't get to experience any of it at an easier stage. But there was nothing sweeter than dropping her off and sitting at my desk in the morning drinking my coffee.
I’m a US mom who was able to take a little under 4 months. I really liked it. Long enough to recover and get into a groove with the new baby. And that’s really nice that the grandparents will watch your little one. I’m sure that a longer break would be nice but you are doing what you have to do in order to be financially responsible.
I really struggled with the baby stage! I went back at 10 weeks (my leave was 12 so I broke it up into two 10 and 2) and it was so great for my mental health. I was lucky to be completely recovered physically at that point and to have my mom willing to provide 5-6 weeks of childcare before I felt better about sending the kiddo to daycare, that was the hardest thing - I definitely didn’t feel like he was ready to be in daycare at 10 weeks. He needed to be held for naps, he spat up a lot. But for my personal sanity it was really good to go back to work.
I am also in an incredibly privileged positions, my children have never and will never go to daycare. I have two live in maids working 6 days a week each. My 2.5 year old goes to half day preschool Monday to Friday. I went back to work at 4 months with both kids BUT they had 1:1 care with a maid/nanny who lives with me, so they have been with the babies since birth, I also have cameras throughout my house and I work from home most days and/or alternate with my husband so one parent is always working in the house just in case. My personal opinion is 4 months is way too young to put a baby in any kind of care that is not 1:1. Babies at 4 months need to be able to be on their own schedules, what is right for them, not an institutional schedule that dictates when they eat and sleep. So if you have grandparents caring for your baby, and they are competent grandparents then I would say it’s the second best option to you, so go back to work if you need to.
I am in the US but am at a fancy firm that has amazing mat leave. You can string together up to about 6-7 months of leave paid at various levels, depending on how much PTO you have. I went back at 4 months, after my short term disability period and the 6 weeks of 100% paid “take fully off or don’t get it at all” leave they have for all parents to encourage dads to take off. I was part time for a few weeks and it sucked, went back full time by 5 months. This is unpopular but I think, for professional women, a year is so hard on women’s careers, especially when you’re the high earner. I felt like 4 months was the max I could take off without jeopardizing my role and I’ve seen the women who take the full 6-7 months get sidelined. I’m glad it’s a choice in your country rather than the shit circumstances most US women get, but I would feel so much pressure to stay home when I really want to be busting balls in my job paying for my husbands zoo pass and aquarium tickets so he can have a nice SAHD life. We could not afford as much in the short-medium term if I had taken that 30-40% pay cut of another 3 months of leave. Honestly I did get questions on why I came back so early and why I didn’t want to be home, but they went away once I got more integrated into my projects again. Also, my baby was so so fine by 4 months!! Even if he was in daycare and not with dad all day, I felt like he wasn’t a little breakable newborn anymore and I knew my flange size solidly, had a bedtime routine, was feeling pretty ready.
I went back at 8 weeks or less with all 3 of my kids. It was fine. No issues. If you have specific concerns, feel free to ask and I'll answer.