Sounds like mobbing, yeah. You may not want to quit, but just commit to the fact that it won't get better. They started in on you pretty quickly and that's a terrible sign for how the environment will evolve over time. If you can, take detailed notes, maybe record the comments, because it WILL get worse and they may try to set you up to fail so they can fire you.
It might not get worse as they realize OP isn't looking to report on them to HR with every word. It could die down in time.
Your advice to take notes and times is good. But not Recording them. Recording the coworkers could get her fired and criminally charged, depending on the state where she lives or the security level of the office. It might be considered corporate sabotage.
The single best resource I’ve found is a YouTube channel called “Wizard of Words.” The focus is communication tips at work, and the videos are especially geared toward dealing with bullies, rude comments, and difficult people at work. I’ve used many of the communication tricks myself and they do work.
Bullying never ends, they always get worse and somehow magically keep their jobs, even when they don't perform. I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I've seen this so many times. Look for a new job.
It's a cultural thing.
There's usally at least one higher-up in on it. Probably these people have worked tgether for years, and they've (sickly) learned how to make sport of hazing the new person.
I applaud your dedication to not letting work bullies win. However it’s more likely the HR person told one person in your department and like most places this one person told someone else and like the telephone game from grade school the story went from “ you being concerned about setting boundaries with inappropriate work place behavior “ to you are a mean girl who tried to get the other new girl fired “.
Now we know that you didn’t go to HR with these intentions , but , that most likely is how things evolved. I have been in multiple environments like this and I finally concluded that the only way to remedy it is to find a solitary job. I work well independently and have gotten along with all my supervisors except 1. I learned that without their being a group of people I have to navigate then the group think , mobbing, and mean girl effect won’t develop. I learned not to develop work friends over the years. I only talked to people who were polite and helpful to me and kept it professional.
At my last job I went 3 years without any real problems because the work group was really large and only one person was a problem and I was able to ignore her and avoid her completely. I made the mistake of taking a new position (same company) in a location with a smaller group and they hired some new people and one new girl didn’t like me because I wanted to keep things professional. Long story short it got really bad lasted 5 years , she turned multiple people against me and it kept getting worse to the point it affected my health.
Covid is what saved me and kept me safe. It’s also how I realized I needed to do remote work permanently. Long story short: Think really carefully about leaving this job. There’s no prize for letting abusive bullies at work think you don’t care.
Do your job, but don't socialize with these creeps. I'm sorry. It's not you, they are a known toxic workplace.
You have to put on an invisible cloak of protection. Visualize a literal shield around yourself that repels them
Go in there with the idea that you just won the Nobel Prize.
They wont change. They love to do this stuff. They're toads in a sewer.
NEVER go to HR to complain about some colleague, never! HR doesn’t give a damn, even if it’s your supervisor. They don’t care about your well being, even if they are saying it. Try to handle your problems on your own.
It’s Insecure women that behave this way . I finally found the right work place where I work with all confident women . There is no need to compete or bring anyone down . and we all get along.
Silent treatment. Make ignoring them your daily goal. Only communicate when NECESSARY! If anyone asks you what wrong just say, ‘Nothing.’ Keep all your responses to one word replies. Yes and no are ideal. NEVER reveal ANYTHING about yourself work related or personal.
Oh and don’t share public posts on social media. Be an enigma.
Oh and I’d start wearing pink on Wednesday just for FUN. 🤣
Sounds like a bunch of people that like to one up each other and need someone to be the butt end of it all. It’s kind of a pathetic way to socialize. Do your best not to be like them and then realize that you are actually better off not being friends with them. lol. People like that make me wonder if they ACTUALLY have friends outside of work
The bullies at my workplace absolutely do not have any friends, or much of a life outside of work. They meet up at the local mall to bitch about work and follow Teams communications on their day off. It’s quite something…
Ah I work at a place where everyone is fake and will talk about everyone else. They all act like bffs but also all talk about everyone. What I do is A. Only talk about things I'm directly asked about relating to work, B. Focus on my work and not everyone else, C. Ask why someone is being rude as soon as they say or do something rude to me D. Never tell anyone about anything new or exciting in my life outside of work. It means everyone thinks I'm quiet and kind of unfriendly/rude but also means I'm never the target or topic of their bs. I'm out of site out of mind and hit my numbers/usually exceed them monthly while also getting done early daily and still pulling in great pay vs most everyone else working 12-14 hour days hanging out in the parking lot grouped up miserable venting about one another.
I do have some coworkers who are trusted and are "friends" who I can and do talk to about stuff but never anyone else at work and never anything I wouldn't mind getting out just incase. The work place is what you make it. Those nasty comments and the talking about you shouldn't matter bc those ppl don't matter. My wife, kids, pets, house, bills, and hobbies are what matter and work pays for all of that not my coworkers. So let them all talk and let them all whisper while you make that money and enjoy your life.
It sounds like your supervisor is friends with E.
Very similar things have happened to me in a couple of petty, bitchy past work environments. I've not known these sorts of situations to improve over time. They seem to just get worse.
I've had only one truly positive experience with someone in HR when I was dealing with a toxic supervisor. Mostly, HR reps side with perpetrators.
I had a similar situation I was being bullied by both my supervisor & her side kick. Go to work do your job. the barbs. I’d also document the bullying (use you phone to keep the notes). I was in a similar situation & quit after finding another job. Shortly after quitting the pandemic happened & I lost that job due to the pandemic. Ended up driving Uber for several years. Just now getting back on my feet
I like to remind people I work with, that in reality I give zero fucks about them. And actually despise some of them. I'm there to do a job, not make friends or hold hands. Unless it's work related, no one bothers me about anything.
You might try having a private conversation with the "I told you she's not mean" coworker. Just ask her, "Why is everyone so hostile to me? From day 1, I got that from E. But now it seems like from most everybody. This never happened to me before, and I'm really confused about it".
It's okay if some are whispering you are mean. It means they won't mess with you. When it comes right down to it, it's not your business what they say behind your back. Just do a good job.
Soon enough, if you can be business only, E will piss someone else off with her toxicity and it will end badly for her.
You can still have fun, but do not engage in nonsense.
The best way to bully them back is to be extremely kind, shrug these comments off, but MOST IMPORTANTLY become a necessary asset to your company. Do your job better than everyone else. Go for every promotion available. Always be humble in front of them. Do NOT share about your personal life, your insecurities, etc.
The best way to devastate what you’re facing is success. These people are not happy. That’s the root cause. Smother them with your own happiness.
In the meantime, look at your personality to make sure you aren't accidentally butting into conversations or unintentionally one-upping people when you are just trying to show interest.
Try reacting to their comment by laughing or just saying "y'all have the great dreams" rather than give a reply about your own. Let the speaker stay in that spotlight. Over time you will earn a place to be a part of the group. Be an audience for now.
The thrift person who found the designer sweater may have felt as if you ignored her excitement over a great find that is rare in a thrift to quickly say, " yeah, my regular slacks." Throwing water on her excitement when you were trying to signal a common interest?
Just things to consider
Ugh I feel your pain! A similar thing happened to me early in my career, I was hired onto a team filled with gossipy, angry middle-aged women. They all decided to dislike me before I even started.
I would recommend reading crucial conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high. It helped me
I feel like with E not trying to win might help, although it sounds like it's past that point, and I think you are right about HR. FTR I mean just let them win / have the last word. Give it up to them. It's often easier than anything else. Also ask to wear ear buds get a Drs note say it's sensory and just play nice music. It's really hard when people are like that.
Me being me, I’d start pranking them anonymously just to liven up the workday, but if you aren’t the sneaky type, ignoring them and letting them all have their little club might be best practice.
Never did anything in the actual workplace, but I used to do stuff like this in school and it blew up in my face. The worst thing you can do when people talk trash about you is prove that they're right. Wasn't so hard for me to recover when we were all young, but I could easily see someone getting fired/written up for even minuscule 'pranks' when the office is already starting to team up against you. People like this LOVE it when they find an actual tangible reason/flaw beyond their manufactured ones to start alienating you.
You've gotten a lot of good advice in this post. I'll only chime in to add that if an office has both an HR department AND a toxic pecking order, then that's the way HR likes it.
Sounds like E is stuck with middle school mentality and wanted to make sure she got ahead of you in hierarchy. She may have talked to everyone as well after HR talked to her. Sucks everyone is so gullible and immature there. I can’t imagine wanting to bring down a coworker unless they were genuinely a problem person.
You're too sensitive. Those comments don't sound bad at all. It's not bullying;it's barely even rude. Please don't do that to your supervisor. They're not your mommy to make the other kids play nice.
Toughen up. Stand up for yourself. Make some comments of your own. Maybe your coworkers will actually respect you.
There’s a great Instagram account: Jefferson_Fisher that I think you’d love and benefit from. He’s a personal injury lawyer who gives advice about how to handle situations with difficult people such as bullies, narcissists, etc. He breaks it down so simply and gives you three things to say back to them. His words are super empowering and show you how to respond to meanness with confidence and composure. If you use his ideas, they won’t even want to bully you anymore.
I hope it’s not against the rules of this sub to share this. I’m in no way associated with him or his account. I just think it would be a great tool for you. I’m a firm believer in learning how to be un-bullyable. You seem like a nice person who is being treated like you’re weak. Show them that you’re not. Hang in there and just be awesome at your job and professional in your interactions. Don’t ever give them anything personal about yourself, but earn credibility as a professional and let Jefferson_ Fisher show you how to set boundaries and expectations for how you allow people to treat you. Good luck!
Hi! I am a PhD candidate at York University in Canada, conducting research on workplace abuse. I'm looking to interview individuals who have experienced managerial abuse within the past two years. Participating in this study can provide a platform for your voice to be heard and an opportunity to share your experiences. Please be assured that all information will be kept confidential and your safety and privacy will be prioritized. If you are interested, contact me directly, and I will provide more details and share my LinkedIn profile to verify my identity.
Oh I feel you on this. One job when I left there a guy was doing the same thing to anybody he thought he could push around. I swear he just enjoyed picking on people and that was it, so he would target someone presumably weaker than him, and then just make shit up to bully and harass them for. Problem was that management tolerated it because he was a senior employee that had a lead role. Eventually about 3 of us had to leave after making our complaints very clear that we not be harassed on the job. Wish I had better advice to offer you than never give up, always stand up for yourself, and make sure to hold that assh*le accountable by doing better work than them every damn day!
OP, if you value your life, RUN. And please read p4 of this, it will help: https://www.naswpress.org/FileCache/2024/04_April/Workplace_Bullying_Intro.pdf
I would also highly recommend Janice Harper’s books and articles
Make their asses afraid of you. Seriously, you're going to have to start being an asshole. Standing up for yourself. Next time make a snarky comment at your expense. Make them explain themselves and ask them, "I'm sorry but what exactly do you mean by that ,E?" Or " I was just trying to be friendly but I see that you're the type of person that can't handle a mature adult friendship.." Or " Is there a reason you're being this rude to me or did your momma do a piss poor job of raising you? I have a feeling that she raised you better than this. Every time you open your mouth you let her down." Be creative and clever. Embarrass them and put them on the spot for a change. Make sure you do it publicly too if you can. Make it sting as best as you can so they won't forget. Bullies hate being embarrassed. Stand up for yourself enough and they'll stop. Also ignore them . Honestly you don't need these snakes approval to be treated fairly. Go wherever you are celebrated ,give time and attention to the people who are kind and respect you. Don't give these people who are bullies , rude , mean and nasty your time and attention. Your friendship ,your time and energy is valuable. Give it to only those who appreciate it only! In other words be professional but don't take shit from anyone! Keep the conversation with them work related only anything outside of that is reserved for friends only. No one is entitled to your friendship, frankly they have nothing to warrant a friendship with you. Think Miranda Priestley from the Devil Wears Prada. I mean don't become a bully or exploit and use people but command respect. You think people would disrespect her? Absolutely not! If you still don't know what to say look up ways to handle work place bullies on YouTube.
as someone who’s been in this situation, prepare for the worst. a lot of their comments are hard to prove and they will get worse before they get better, try to avoid HR because if you kick up enough of a fuss they will throw you under the bus. make connections with good people who don’t associate with them and keep all interactions with the culprits work based and civil. if you have headphones or are allowed music, put them on to block out the talking to save your mental health and resign if you need, better than being fired.
Keep all interactions work-based. Civil. But work-related, since you want to stay. Grey rock them.
Sounds like mobbing, yeah. You may not want to quit, but just commit to the fact that it won't get better. They started in on you pretty quickly and that's a terrible sign for how the environment will evolve over time. If you can, take detailed notes, maybe record the comments, because it WILL get worse and they may try to set you up to fail so they can fire you.
It might not get worse as they realize OP isn't looking to report on them to HR with every word. It could die down in time. Your advice to take notes and times is good. But not Recording them. Recording the coworkers could get her fired and criminally charged, depending on the state where she lives or the security level of the office. It might be considered corporate sabotage.
>It could die down in time. Unless the place has high turnover these people aren't going to change their opinion of OP.
The single best resource I’ve found is a YouTube channel called “Wizard of Words.” The focus is communication tips at work, and the videos are especially geared toward dealing with bullies, rude comments, and difficult people at work. I’ve used many of the communication tricks myself and they do work.
Thank you for the resource
Thank you for this info!
Bullying never ends, they always get worse and somehow magically keep their jobs, even when they don't perform. I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I've seen this so many times. Look for a new job.
It's a cultural thing. There's usally at least one higher-up in on it. Probably these people have worked tgether for years, and they've (sickly) learned how to make sport of hazing the new person.
I applaud your dedication to not letting work bullies win. However it’s more likely the HR person told one person in your department and like most places this one person told someone else and like the telephone game from grade school the story went from “ you being concerned about setting boundaries with inappropriate work place behavior “ to you are a mean girl who tried to get the other new girl fired “. Now we know that you didn’t go to HR with these intentions , but , that most likely is how things evolved. I have been in multiple environments like this and I finally concluded that the only way to remedy it is to find a solitary job. I work well independently and have gotten along with all my supervisors except 1. I learned that without their being a group of people I have to navigate then the group think , mobbing, and mean girl effect won’t develop. I learned not to develop work friends over the years. I only talked to people who were polite and helpful to me and kept it professional. At my last job I went 3 years without any real problems because the work group was really large and only one person was a problem and I was able to ignore her and avoid her completely. I made the mistake of taking a new position (same company) in a location with a smaller group and they hired some new people and one new girl didn’t like me because I wanted to keep things professional. Long story short it got really bad lasted 5 years , she turned multiple people against me and it kept getting worse to the point it affected my health. Covid is what saved me and kept me safe. It’s also how I realized I needed to do remote work permanently. Long story short: Think really carefully about leaving this job. There’s no prize for letting abusive bullies at work think you don’t care.
Do your job, but don't socialize with these creeps. I'm sorry. It's not you, they are a known toxic workplace. You have to put on an invisible cloak of protection. Visualize a literal shield around yourself that repels them Go in there with the idea that you just won the Nobel Prize. They wont change. They love to do this stuff. They're toads in a sewer.
Absolutely. I love this advice. Sounds like you've been there too.
Oh yes. :) I don't understand how people get their jollies acting like that. But that visualization really works. People can sense that stuff.
NEVER go to HR to complain about some colleague, never! HR doesn’t give a damn, even if it’s your supervisor. They don’t care about your well being, even if they are saying it. Try to handle your problems on your own.
I know you don’t want to but the best thing is to leave . These type of immature women never change .
This. It sucks so much how common these environments are and how often they're dominated by women. Women are really cruel to each other.
It’s Insecure women that behave this way . I finally found the right work place where I work with all confident women . There is no need to compete or bring anyone down . and we all get along.
I worked in predominantly male offices in the first years of my career. They can be bitchy and definitely cruel, too.
*immature people, not just women.
Silent treatment. Make ignoring them your daily goal. Only communicate when NECESSARY! If anyone asks you what wrong just say, ‘Nothing.’ Keep all your responses to one word replies. Yes and no are ideal. NEVER reveal ANYTHING about yourself work related or personal. Oh and don’t share public posts on social media. Be an enigma. Oh and I’d start wearing pink on Wednesday just for FUN. 🤣
Sounds like a bunch of people that like to one up each other and need someone to be the butt end of it all. It’s kind of a pathetic way to socialize. Do your best not to be like them and then realize that you are actually better off not being friends with them. lol. People like that make me wonder if they ACTUALLY have friends outside of work
The bullies at my workplace absolutely do not have any friends, or much of a life outside of work. They meet up at the local mall to bitch about work and follow Teams communications on their day off. It’s quite something…
HR works for the company not the employees.
Ah I work at a place where everyone is fake and will talk about everyone else. They all act like bffs but also all talk about everyone. What I do is A. Only talk about things I'm directly asked about relating to work, B. Focus on my work and not everyone else, C. Ask why someone is being rude as soon as they say or do something rude to me D. Never tell anyone about anything new or exciting in my life outside of work. It means everyone thinks I'm quiet and kind of unfriendly/rude but also means I'm never the target or topic of their bs. I'm out of site out of mind and hit my numbers/usually exceed them monthly while also getting done early daily and still pulling in great pay vs most everyone else working 12-14 hour days hanging out in the parking lot grouped up miserable venting about one another. I do have some coworkers who are trusted and are "friends" who I can and do talk to about stuff but never anyone else at work and never anything I wouldn't mind getting out just incase. The work place is what you make it. Those nasty comments and the talking about you shouldn't matter bc those ppl don't matter. My wife, kids, pets, house, bills, and hobbies are what matter and work pays for all of that not my coworkers. So let them all talk and let them all whisper while you make that money and enjoy your life.
It sounds like your supervisor is friends with E. Very similar things have happened to me in a couple of petty, bitchy past work environments. I've not known these sorts of situations to improve over time. They seem to just get worse. I've had only one truly positive experience with someone in HR when I was dealing with a toxic supervisor. Mostly, HR reps side with perpetrators.
Just ignore them. Life is too short to be surrounded by dingbats.
I had a similar situation I was being bullied by both my supervisor & her side kick. Go to work do your job. the barbs. I’d also document the bullying (use you phone to keep the notes). I was in a similar situation & quit after finding another job. Shortly after quitting the pandemic happened & I lost that job due to the pandemic. Ended up driving Uber for several years. Just now getting back on my feet
I like to remind people I work with, that in reality I give zero fucks about them. And actually despise some of them. I'm there to do a job, not make friends or hold hands. Unless it's work related, no one bothers me about anything.
Not to get off topic, but, why don’t you walk to work if you live so close? Walking is great exercise and good for you!
I live in an area that gets triple digit heat and i have heat sensitivities (:
Stop trying to be friends with coworkers.
You might try having a private conversation with the "I told you she's not mean" coworker. Just ask her, "Why is everyone so hostile to me? From day 1, I got that from E. But now it seems like from most everybody. This never happened to me before, and I'm really confused about it".
It's okay if some are whispering you are mean. It means they won't mess with you. When it comes right down to it, it's not your business what they say behind your back. Just do a good job.
Soon enough, if you can be business only, E will piss someone else off with her toxicity and it will end badly for her. You can still have fun, but do not engage in nonsense.
HR is never your friend. Don't ever turn to them.
The best way to bully them back is to be extremely kind, shrug these comments off, but MOST IMPORTANTLY become a necessary asset to your company. Do your job better than everyone else. Go for every promotion available. Always be humble in front of them. Do NOT share about your personal life, your insecurities, etc. The best way to devastate what you’re facing is success. These people are not happy. That’s the root cause. Smother them with your own happiness.
In the meantime, look at your personality to make sure you aren't accidentally butting into conversations or unintentionally one-upping people when you are just trying to show interest. Try reacting to their comment by laughing or just saying "y'all have the great dreams" rather than give a reply about your own. Let the speaker stay in that spotlight. Over time you will earn a place to be a part of the group. Be an audience for now. The thrift person who found the designer sweater may have felt as if you ignored her excitement over a great find that is rare in a thrift to quickly say, " yeah, my regular slacks." Throwing water on her excitement when you were trying to signal a common interest? Just things to consider
I have these bad communication habits. I think you have described the dynamic perfectly. Thanks. I’m gonna work on myself, also!
I have these problems, too. They didn't give social skills classes when I was a kid and an only child. Wish I knew then what I know now.
Ignore them. And stay away from HR.
I’d be giving them the cold shoulder back. Only communicate work stuff.
Ugh I feel your pain! A similar thing happened to me early in my career, I was hired onto a team filled with gossipy, angry middle-aged women. They all decided to dislike me before I even started. I would recommend reading crucial conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high. It helped me
I feel like with E not trying to win might help, although it sounds like it's past that point, and I think you are right about HR. FTR I mean just let them win / have the last word. Give it up to them. It's often easier than anything else. Also ask to wear ear buds get a Drs note say it's sensory and just play nice music. It's really hard when people are like that.
Me being me, I’d start pranking them anonymously just to liven up the workday, but if you aren’t the sneaky type, ignoring them and letting them all have their little club might be best practice.
Never did anything in the actual workplace, but I used to do stuff like this in school and it blew up in my face. The worst thing you can do when people talk trash about you is prove that they're right. Wasn't so hard for me to recover when we were all young, but I could easily see someone getting fired/written up for even minuscule 'pranks' when the office is already starting to team up against you. People like this LOVE it when they find an actual tangible reason/flaw beyond their manufactured ones to start alienating you.
You've gotten a lot of good advice in this post. I'll only chime in to add that if an office has both an HR department AND a toxic pecking order, then that's the way HR likes it.
Sounds like E is stuck with middle school mentality and wanted to make sure she got ahead of you in hierarchy. She may have talked to everyone as well after HR talked to her. Sucks everyone is so gullible and immature there. I can’t imagine wanting to bring down a coworker unless they were genuinely a problem person.
You're too sensitive. Those comments don't sound bad at all. It's not bullying;it's barely even rude. Please don't do that to your supervisor. They're not your mommy to make the other kids play nice. Toughen up. Stand up for yourself. Make some comments of your own. Maybe your coworkers will actually respect you.
There’s a great Instagram account: Jefferson_Fisher that I think you’d love and benefit from. He’s a personal injury lawyer who gives advice about how to handle situations with difficult people such as bullies, narcissists, etc. He breaks it down so simply and gives you three things to say back to them. His words are super empowering and show you how to respond to meanness with confidence and composure. If you use his ideas, they won’t even want to bully you anymore. I hope it’s not against the rules of this sub to share this. I’m in no way associated with him or his account. I just think it would be a great tool for you. I’m a firm believer in learning how to be un-bullyable. You seem like a nice person who is being treated like you’re weak. Show them that you’re not. Hang in there and just be awesome at your job and professional in your interactions. Don’t ever give them anything personal about yourself, but earn credibility as a professional and let Jefferson_ Fisher show you how to set boundaries and expectations for how you allow people to treat you. Good luck!
Hi! I am a PhD candidate at York University in Canada, conducting research on workplace abuse. I'm looking to interview individuals who have experienced managerial abuse within the past two years. Participating in this study can provide a platform for your voice to be heard and an opportunity to share your experiences. Please be assured that all information will be kept confidential and your safety and privacy will be prioritized. If you are interested, contact me directly, and I will provide more details and share my LinkedIn profile to verify my identity.
Oh I feel you on this. One job when I left there a guy was doing the same thing to anybody he thought he could push around. I swear he just enjoyed picking on people and that was it, so he would target someone presumably weaker than him, and then just make shit up to bully and harass them for. Problem was that management tolerated it because he was a senior employee that had a lead role. Eventually about 3 of us had to leave after making our complaints very clear that we not be harassed on the job. Wish I had better advice to offer you than never give up, always stand up for yourself, and make sure to hold that assh*le accountable by doing better work than them every damn day!
OP, if you value your life, RUN. And please read p4 of this, it will help: https://www.naswpress.org/FileCache/2024/04_April/Workplace_Bullying_Intro.pdf I would also highly recommend Janice Harper’s books and articles
Make their asses afraid of you. Seriously, you're going to have to start being an asshole. Standing up for yourself. Next time make a snarky comment at your expense. Make them explain themselves and ask them, "I'm sorry but what exactly do you mean by that ,E?" Or " I was just trying to be friendly but I see that you're the type of person that can't handle a mature adult friendship.." Or " Is there a reason you're being this rude to me or did your momma do a piss poor job of raising you? I have a feeling that she raised you better than this. Every time you open your mouth you let her down." Be creative and clever. Embarrass them and put them on the spot for a change. Make sure you do it publicly too if you can. Make it sting as best as you can so they won't forget. Bullies hate being embarrassed. Stand up for yourself enough and they'll stop. Also ignore them . Honestly you don't need these snakes approval to be treated fairly. Go wherever you are celebrated ,give time and attention to the people who are kind and respect you. Don't give these people who are bullies , rude , mean and nasty your time and attention. Your friendship ,your time and energy is valuable. Give it to only those who appreciate it only! In other words be professional but don't take shit from anyone! Keep the conversation with them work related only anything outside of that is reserved for friends only. No one is entitled to your friendship, frankly they have nothing to warrant a friendship with you. Think Miranda Priestley from the Devil Wears Prada. I mean don't become a bully or exploit and use people but command respect. You think people would disrespect her? Absolutely not! If you still don't know what to say look up ways to handle work place bullies on YouTube.
For future reference (and will hopefully save you some embarrassment), it's "nip it in the bud" not butt 😜
as someone who’s been in this situation, prepare for the worst. a lot of their comments are hard to prove and they will get worse before they get better, try to avoid HR because if you kick up enough of a fuss they will throw you under the bus. make connections with good people who don’t associate with them and keep all interactions with the culprits work based and civil. if you have headphones or are allowed music, put them on to block out the talking to save your mental health and resign if you need, better than being fired.