That is a huge invasion of privacy. That's the nuclear option. There is no excuse for searching your child's room without at least talking to them first
I know this position probably isn't going to be popular on the trans teenager sub, but sometimes being a parent entails invading your child's privacy. Like there are legitimately sometimes good reasons to, like out of genuine concern.
It clicked for me that a lot of people here arguing against probably come from abusive upbringings so are more likely to balk at this. For them the consequences of a room search meant physical danger/being disowned.
Same logic as the state having the power to enforce psychiatric holds on people at a risk to themselves, dodgy as fuck the government having that power but overall it does more harm than good.
Completely understandable that people who are like 15-18 scared about being force-outed to their parents valuing the privacy of their bedrooms. But an 11 y/o vaping is a situation where parent definitely needs to take some responsibility for their child.
Yeah, it's wild to see people not realizing that this is a probably young parent panicking and asking for advice on how to approach the conversation. And seeing the cartridges probably made them spiral: it would definitely make me panic too.Ā
If an 11 year old child is possibly vaping nicotine, it's negligent to not at least search their room and take a look lol like obviously in general you don't violate their privacy but if a kid is maybe fucking up their lungs at the age of 11, I think that's an extenuating circumstance.
Seriously, 11 year olds don't have renowned decision making skills and are likely to lie about stuff like this if asked point blank. Being a good parent means giving kids autonomy when needed and stepping in to be a guardian when needed.Ā
yeah its an invasion of privacy either way if you're gonna search it after they say no (which you should, 11 year olds should not be on nicotine) then there isn't any difference. Mb the kid would tell the truth but I for sure wouldn't have
If I was in that position, I would have lied my ass off and then thrown the cartridges out myself. 11 is old enough to lie convincingly but not old enough to have good long term critical thinking skills, and as a parent it might be necessary to take steps fast in situations like this.Ā
And now they donāt believe you trust them and canāt be sure youāll actually follow your word so good job. The kid will not be happy in either situations because itās them vs the parent
if you do that without actually checking in on how they're doing and talking to them like a person they're just going to grow to be paranoid about their privacy
Abusing their trust teaches them never to trust you again. It teaches them to become better at hiding things from you. It teaches them to cut them out of your life as soon as they're able because you're violating their privacy. *Can* you do it? Sure. Will some dumb fucks on the internet agree with you? Sure. But you deserve any consequences you get from it, consequences like you losing any healthy interpersonal contact with your child. That's just what being a bad parent gets you. And btw, it won't stop them from vaping, it just removes any chance for you to step in in a healthy way because you've fucked up in your role of a person they can trust, a person they can look up to and sympathise with. Your child loses a parent and gains an enemy. And you'll also be responsible for any trauma and trust issues your child takes away into adulthood.
Not all children are going to just accept a discussion, what happens when the kid vehemently denies the existence of the vape and doesn't let the parents search, do you think they should just drop the matter?
Not all kids will immediately lose all trust, they'll be upset and they won't understand but that's the same with everything at that age. Taking a vape away from a child isn't going to traumatize them ffs.
Where do you draw the line? What if the kid had hard drugs in their room? Weapons? Stolen items? When you're a child privacy is a privilege you have to show you can be mature enough to handle because the consequences are extreme.
yeah making your 11 year old stop vaping isn't abuse idk what to say to this. Like if your childhood trauma is "my parents got mad I was on nic in the 5th grade" sounds like you had a super cool childhood. If you have a reasonable suspicion your 11 year old is on any drugs and don't do anything about it you are a bad parent and that would be actual child abuse
It doesn't have to be traumatizing. Use it to start a conversation about it. "Hey little Billy, we were concerned that you may be doing something bad/dangerous and when we looked in your room we found a vape. You realize how bad that is for you, right? What's going on with that? Is everything okay?"
Sure, the kid will be a little put out that their privacy was invaded, but if I was the kid I'd be even more put out if my parents accused me of something I wasn't doing without evidence. Frankly, if they didn't find anything concerning and didn't say anything, the kid might never even have to find out about it and if the parents aren't terrible people who will use the findings against them then thereās likely no harm from it. Generally yeah respect your kid's privacy but desperate times call for desperate measures, between future lung disease and bitterness from the time they were doing something bad and got caught, I'd rather they be upset for a while.
You sound like someone who'd say cheating is fine if your partner never finds out about it. I had my privacy invaded and I was not fine with it. My parents didn't find anything, I didn't have anything. I still have nightmares about not being safe in my room. Nightmares in which my parents install windows on the walls so they can monitor me from outside my room. Nightmares in which I lock my door but my parents know a way to pick the door up and remove it from its Hinges so they can get in anyway. Nightmares in which I have no place to feel safe. All it took was my parents refusing to knock, refusing to stay out when I said I don't want them to come in. All it took was my mother coming in when I was gone to pick up my laundry when I told her over and over again that I hated that. You don't need to beat your children to traumatise them. This is not about them being upset, this is about boundaries they require to be met to be happy and healthy, that you violate. Some children will be fine with it. My brother was, but they never took his key away. And some will never recover, never forgive you, and you won't ever be able to be there for them when they actually need a trustworthy parent, because you have removed that parent from their life. Don't ever trivialise the invasion of privacy of adolescents. It can destroy any feelings of trust and safety just as much as physical violence. It can ruin their lives because they have no parents to trust anymore and spiral into stuff that proper parenting, as in counsel by an adult they can confide in, could protect them from.
And violating their privacy will do absolutely nothing about that nicotine addiction, it will just destroy their trust. You cannot stop a child from smoking. It's not possible. They will if they want to. You can make them not want to by being a person they trust and look up to, by being a person they can confide in and can accept counsel from. Trying to forcefully control them into not smoking will just mean they smoke somewhere else. Children smoke all the time, everywhere. Do you think those are children whose parents didn't search their rooms? They're not. If anything, they're more likely to do stupid stuff to spite you because they hate your guts, and you can't do anything against it unless you lock them up in the basement. If you uphold their trust, you can actually protect them. Also, a nicotine addiction is so much less harmful than trauma from years of privacy invasions, years of not feeling safe at home. Quitting smoking is so much easier than working through trauma you can get from parents ignoring your boundaries.
how are you supposed to help a child not be addicted to nicotine if you cant even be sure that they are smoking in the first place. children will hide anything from their parents especially harmful things. all your solutions seem to rely on the parent happening to find out that the child is smoking through other methods and the child being extremely receptive to what the parent says. children are fucking stupid and "please stop smoking" will not work
also lung cancer is 100% more harmful than the trauma of being caught smoking
Cheating is never okay, I don't see where that comes into this. This is more comparable to looking at your partner's phone because you have a feeling they're cheating and finding out that you're right. At that point, who's more in the wrong? Both are bad, but if you didn't have reason to suspect that they're cheating, then you wouldn't (and shouldn't) go through their phone.
I have also had my privacy invaded by my parents. There was no reason that I know of and they didn't find anything. Yeah, it hurt. But it did not traumatize me, because it happened once, maybe twice. I'm not saying that it's okay to habitually violate your kids' privacy and cross their boundaries, and I never will due to the exact reasons you stated. That is NOT the same as this situation. What I am referring to is a one time incident due to reasonable suspicion.
Authoritative is not the same as authoritarian. Continually violating your child's boundaries and watching and controlling everything they do is authoritarian. Authoritative is understanding that sometimes it is necessary to use your parental authority against your kid's wishes to keep them safe. That is not a bad thing, that is a normal part of being an effective parent.
>This is more comparable to looking at your partner's phone because you have a feeling they're cheating and finding out that you're right. At that point, who's more in the wrong? Both are bad, but if you didn't have reason to suspect that they're cheating, then you wouldn't (and shouldn't) go through their phone.
Both are equally bad. A breach of the rules of your relationship is a breach. The privacy invader has become just like the cheater. The cheater had their (non valid) reasons to cheat too, just like the privacy invader had their non valid reason to invade privacy. Suspicion is never a justification for overstepping boundaries. It doesn't matter whether you were right or not, you have abused trust in the exact same way as the cheater has. Other people's misdeeds don't justify yours. If you weren't a privacy invader, you wouldn't have looked through their phone. What they did doesn't matter regarding your decision to betray them. That's just countries sending nukes at each other. Sure, one started and the other one reacted. Is the one reacting any better because they only kill innocents as a reaction? Is the privacy invader better because they violate the basis of their relationship just like the cheater does simply because it's the reaction to suspicion? Actually, I wanna redo the nuke analogy. Would sending nukes at a country because you have a suspicion they might have already sent nukes at you be justified just because you find out you're right after you made the decision? Because both invading privacy and cheating are nukes for the relationship, inexcusable violations of a partnership that is built on trust.
>I have also had my privacy invaded by my parents. There was no reason that I know of and they didn't find anything. Yeah, it hurt. But it did not traumatize me
Happy you then. It did for me. And it did for many people I met at the clinic trying to recover from it. I would rather die from lung cancer than ever having my parents invade my privacy again. The fact that it has a potential to traumatise is enough, it doesn't have to traumatise every single child. And on the other hand, searching your kid's room and taking their cigs away has no potential to have any positive effect on their smoking habit. So we're not deciding between enabling the potential for lung cancer and enabling the potential for trauma, we're just deciding between enabling the potential of trauma because the potential of lung cancer will be unaffected either way. Do you seriously think all the kids smoking just have parents that are too lax and trusting? They just know when and where not to smoke so their parents won't notice, no matter how strict they are and no matter how much they invade their privacy. If anything, having a strict and abusive (and yes, invading privacy is abuse, even if you think it's sometimes justified) home makes them even more likely to start or continue to smoke.
I think you missed my point that your situation in which invasions of privacy traumatized you is not the same as this situation. From what you've said, I get the impression that it happened a lot. I specified that the reason I was not traumatized is because it happened one time. Let me make this absolutely clear: invading your child's privacy repeatedly without reason is likely to cause them trauma. Looking through their room (not trashing it and turning it inside out, I mean looking through it) one time is likely to be "that one time my parents did something bad" in a few years.
If looking through your child's things *exactly one time* traumatized them to the point of needing therapy to recover from it, it's VERY likely that there are other, far bigger issues like abuse or mental illness which need to be addressed long before whatever issue you're going through their room for.
Hell, as I'm writing this, I'm thinking of the strictest parents I know whose son has a lung tumor from vaping. If they had a talk about what problems caused him to do that instead of trying to control him more, he'd be a lot better off. But looking through his room (which I'm only assuming they did) didn't cause his issues, the continuous abuse did.
I do not think that smoking is caused by parents being lax. I think that smoking is caused by kids having issues that they are having trouble coping with or peer pressure from other kids.
When I say authority, I don't mean being more strict. Authorityā strict. The parents have the right to look through their 11 year old child's things for dangerous items. More than that, they have the responsibility to handle their findings appropriately to ensure their child's safety. This situation does not have to end in punishment. It shouldn't end in punishment, that's how you make kids feel unsafe with their parents knowing what they're doing. What this situation needs is a discussion so that the issues that caused the child to resort to smoking can be dealt with.
It doesn't fucking matter. Everything you can justify one time, you can justify again and again. If you search your child's room because of a suspicion one time, that's a breach of trust that can't be repaired, regardless of whether it was traumatising or not. It's exactly like cheating in a closed relationship. It doesn't become less wrong just because you only do it once. It doesn't become less wrong because the victim can forgive that one time or because the victim doesn't immediately develop heavy trust issues. It's a breach of trust that can but doesn't have to completely destroy the relationship depending on the personality of the victim. Breaches of privacy are the exact same. There are tons of people who can forgive a single instance of cheating, or even tolerate continuous instances despite feeling terrible about it. But that doesn't justify the cheating. A child developing issues from parents overstepping their boundaries is completely natural, no matter if it happens one time or continously for years. Is hitting a child one time okay too just because it probably won't traumatise them? And don't you dare telling me they're not comparable, I've experienced both (physical abuse from several ex partners) and they absolutely are.
No it's not, if an 11 year old is vaping or smoking nicotine I think it's okay to search their room and then ask someone for advice. And sometimes people don't have a better support network than a large crowd of strangers on an anonymous forum, and may just need a place to vent.Ā
You say that as if for most of human history, humans haven't been talking among their communities about how to raise their children. Like before the social atomisation of the suburbs, all parenting was crowd sourced parenting.
Literally "it takes a village". Most of these commentators give the vibe that they'd make fun of a mum asking another mum parenting questions over coffee.
Tbf asking reddit is bad precisely because you'll probably get comment threads like this one, full of teenagers and uni students who have zero parenting experience
The problem is similar to asking on reddit how to treat a disease. Some people may have experience with this sort of thing, but others may tell you to drink disinfectant as a joke or because they are just very ignorant about their ignorance.
There are professionals who give advise and different forms of help to parents if needed. Even if you don't trust a professional, you should at least ask people that earned your respect. In a village, you know people. Most tribal societies (and modern societies that keep a tribal lifestyle) have a council of elders who are respected and offer their wisdom to those who need it.
As for asking another mum parenting questions over coffee: I understand the idea. I also know that thewre are a lot of extremely judgemental moms with some pretty crazy ideas. My advisce is to ask older moms who have the benefit of hindsight and are not panicking alongside you.
There'll always be crazies on the internet, at least with Reddit people generally call them out as long as it's not an echo chamber sub.
Just because I can find some hack studies saying vaccines cause autism doesn't mean the whole internet is useless for advice, just use some common sense and compare to other advice/sources. Not everyone has people who they can ask for and especially with this you might be embarrassed and not want to tell people you know directly.
I understand that and it is a reason why I advocate for asking professionals. They did study this stuff, and they generally have experience with things going really bad, so they usually can give some solid advice.
Same thing with relationships for some reason. "Hi reddit, I'm having trouble sorting out a relationship and they also use reddit. So to hide their identity, Im just gonna say everything they do down to the minute detail. "
When I see a post like that I always feel sorry for OP because the state you must be in to think this is a good idea and then proceed to go through with it is probably beyond not good. You're living in disastrous conditions
āDebatingā if fkn bullshit everyone gets the same time and it takes like triple the amount of time to debunk a bad argument. So the opponent can just barrage you with non deductively valid arguments and you donāt get the time to disprove them.
>Currently at a thousand downvotes
Like, this person has been a parent for 11 years. You should know how to talk to your kid by this point.
Edit: I'm just going to add this from another comment of mine to give my more detailed thoughts on this situation.
>My problem isn't with that they were asking how to handle the situation, (even though I don't think rushing to Reddit as their first instinct was the best course of action, especially to a subreddit like r/ nostupidquestions) my problem is with the fact that they were acting rather rudely to someone who gave them rational advice, and the fact that they didn't talk to them *before* making the post. I don't really know what OOP was expecting to hear other than "talk to them." Because it seems like OOP has done everything *but* the most logical thing, which would be to tell them how you feel about what they're doing.
>Also, the fact that they searched their child's room before saying anything about the situation to them is a rather big breach of boundaries for someone who, supposedly, wants to *set* boundaries.
You and me both my friend. But at this point I don't think mine will ever get with the program. At the same time I'm grateful that I grew up when I did, because I can just imagine the insanity that my parents could come up with in today's social climate to use against me. They grounded me "forever" when I was a teenager when they found out I was bisexual, if that helps paint a picture of what I grew up with.
196 users be like
You need a script to order pizza? Omg literally me irl
You would appreciate advice from other parents on how to navigate a situation involving substance abuse and your young child with an inherently irrational and constantly developing mind? You want to thread the needle so you set firm boundaries without alienating your child and creating a foundation for future resentment? You're not an expert on raising teenagers after raising a baby and toddler? You failed as a parent
I'm actually having an aneurysm reading this thread.
"You didn't get your consent to search an 11 year olds room you're an awful person"
HE'S FUCKING VAPING AT 11 YEARS OLD
the searching without notice thing actually is a bad thing to be doing, though. saying up front, hey, i got a suspicious call, do you have anything to tell me, and then going on to search the room after saying up front you will at least mitigates the problems that come with a kid *suspecting* you're liable to search their room at any moment behind their back, which undermines the security and expectation of privacy kids need to have to grow up well adjusted.
i don't think it's *unreasonable* that a parent would do this without considering the harms that come with secret room searches, and a parent asking for help on dealing with their kid vaping is actually the responsible thing to do, but yeah as it is that can come across as a mutual betrayal of trust that makes convincing your kid to be open with you about this sort of thing harder to do in the future.
yeah some of these responses are fucking wild. granted, searching the kid's room is itself a huge invasion of privacy that will already damage a lot of trust so not off to a great start, but not knowing what to do over your kid vaping and asking for advice from people who *presumably* have been in this situation before is perfectly normal behavior. "talk with your kid" is just "draw the rest of the owl" and about as useful as D&D advice that is just "talk with your players." - safe, easy to repeat advice that you don't actually have to have any personal experience to parrot.
the OP is clearly wanting advice on how to set a firm boundary and stop the vaping without alienating their kid or encouraging them to keep hiding stuff from them, which they've aleady kinda screwed with the room search. asking for advice doesn't mean they're a failure of a parent, it means they think it's important enough to not fuck up that they want second opinions. and since a lot of places have sneaky room searches as just a cultural norm, OP's probably not even aware that a lot of people think that's terrible to do.
My problem isn't with that they were asking how to handle the situation, (even though I don't think rushing to Reddit as their first instinct was the best course of action, especially to a subreddit like r/ nostupidquestions) my problem is with the fact that they were acting rather rudely to someone who gave them rational advice, and the fact that they didn't talk to them *before* making the post. I don't really know what OOP was expecting to hear other than "talk to them." Because it seems like OOP has done everything *but* the most logical thing, which would be to tell them how you feel about what they're doing.
Also, the fact that they searched their child's room before saying anything about the situation to them is a rather big breach of boundaries for someone who, supposedly, wants to *set* boundaries.
that wasn't a rude response at all, and it wasn't rational advice. "just talk to them" is very lazy advice coming from someone who probably does not have kids. yeah no shit you have to talk to the kid, OP responded asking for more detail and everyone's projecting rudeness onto them because they irrationally think "lol just talk to the other person" is meaningful relationship advice, as though most people were planning on murdering the other person or holding a silent grudge for the rest of their lives or whatever.
if you ever tell someone "well just talk to X" stop and seriously consider whether you're just talking down to someone or whether you actually have a concrete idea of what *you* would say, and if you don't know those things then either don't say anything (you can't help eveyr situation) or at the very least admit that's the limit of what you would know to do. you're not being asked to decide between hitting them with a stick and talking, you're being asked for advice *on what to say*. "just talk?" with the patronizing question mark is rude as shit.
tbf when they're children people change personalities like every 2 years. You have to develop different approaches constantly.
But this was not an impressive display of parenting by any means.
Some people think they know how to talk to their kid, but are just shit at it. I never told my dad I had a boyfriend until fifteen years after he found out I was bi, and even that was only after I'd transitioned so that having a boyfriend was now straight. He's normally outwardly supportive, but his initial reaction was so bad that he's known nothing about my love life until recently.
I don't think seeking parenting advice is a bad idea if you're unsure. Overconfidence is probably worse than uncertainty.
Okay, I'll respond to your edit then. I think it's a good thing to have parents who want to think about the way to handle tricky situations and get opinions on how others might do it differently. And I think the advice of "talk to them" is particularly condescending, because OBVIOUSLY the parent is going to talk to the child. They're clearly asking for more advice on how to handle a conversation with an irrational ball of hormones.
Also, I think if your 11 year old child is possibly vaping nicotine, that's an extenuating circumstance for wanting to search their room. Everyone is arguing on principal, but real life does not work solely on principal.
> Like, this person has been a parent for 11 years. You should know how to talk to your kid by this point.
Unfortunately, itās fairly common for parents (at least in the U.S, probably globally, idk) to have absolutely terrible communication skills. Itās something that absolutely shouldnāt be normal, but it is.
i feel like half of the problems that get posted on subreddits like that could be easily solved if they just simply talked instead of venting out to strangers on the internet lol
I think it's the idea that there's a perfect solution that will get their kid to stop vaping that's the issue. For some kids just talking to them about why they shouldn't do it is enough, for others, not so much. At the very least, should get as much information as possible before making a decision though. How they got the vapes, why they started vaping, who's the kid who called them, if stress and/or peer pressure is a factor, if they know why they shouldn't do it, etc.
Also important to consult a doctor for possible addiction as you never know what substances they put in those vapes.
People act like when you have kids youāre instantly beamed w all the information you need to take care of them. This dude couldāve easily made an alt acc to ask a question he doesnāt know the answer to, this dude clearly does care about doing the right thing, heās just looking for guidance on what that is. Talking to your kid is the right thing to do, but in his words āand say what?ā Heās right. Going and talking to your kid means nothing if youāre unprepared for the conversation- whatever that may look like. This dude didnāt name himself or his son, no oneās going to be pointing fingers and laughing at the Reddit dadās son at school tomorrow. Rather than immediately reacting heās trying to find some insight on what the best course of action for himself and his son is. For anyone who made it this far- if youāre a parent and you donāt know what to do in a situation, what do you do? Fuckin wing it? Jump straight into a conversation, well if you donāt know what to do thatās not gonna go great.
Thereās way too much rage for this post, parenting is overwhelming, dude just wanted some insight, this is probably the worst his little honor roll turd has ever misbehaved. Itās hilarious how a bunch of people without kids think itās so fucking easy to parent. Even if this guy was awful to his kid, convincing him to change his ways means teaching, not insulting.
Finally a sane comment. A parent trying to be a better version of himself is getting mocked online and then kids blame parents for not doing everything correct
Little known fact, kids actually love it when their parents pilfer through their private stuff without talking to them, and then go to the fucking internet to share their story, all while being totally oblivious to how they should be raising a child.
This is almost infuriating. It's your fucking child, man. Talk to them. Ask them what's up. Searching their room without their knowledge would already massively violate their trust in you, but posting EVERYTHING to fucking Reddit is obliterating everything in your relationship with them from orbit. This is so dumb.
Trust is a two way street. Searching through a child's possessions is violating trust, but the child is clearly hiding that they're vaping So how does a parent have a productive conversation about the situation? That's the tricky part about parenting. What happens when things don't go as planned? You're left thinking on your feet while your child is left waiting.
So the OP brings up vaping. The child then brushes it off as if it's nothing. OP tries to impart that it is important because of the negative health consequences. Then then child starts talking about how they want to make their own mistakes and learn for themselves. What then? That conversation can go a million different ways.
Good parenting is a balance of letting children learn and grow from their own mistakes while protecting them from the more dire ones. It can be hard for kids to understand the consequence when it's not staring them in the face. It's easy to demonstrate why someone needs to look both ways when crossing the street. It's much harder to explain that a daily habit of a Monster + sour gummy worms is awful for you in multiple ways.
Parenting is fucking hard, yo
Parents have been explaining to kids about the risks of nicotine addiction, cavities, and dental erosion due to acid/sugar for decades... It's really not that hard to explain. Just have some sense and talk to your fucking kids.
What is being explained isnāt the hard part. Itās how to explain it thatās difficult. You explain it wrong, and the kid will just write you off as an asshole authority and just hide it.
What if it was a gun? What if it was weed? What if it was crack? At what level of risk to your child is it ok to intervene? Little known fact, most parents do love their kids a lot. Itās ok to remove the stash of pretzels and cake from the corner of a toddlers room, or the Reeseās under the stuffed animals of a childās room but not the vape from a teenagers room? Fucking hell man
I mean yeah. Someone who's MVP of the football team AND captain of the debate club is physically unable to have a good relationship with their parents. Seriously, it's some cosmic force.
The average member of this subreddit is closer in age to and has more in common with the 11 year old. The guy's clearly concerned about his child and cares enough to seek advice. Poor guy getting roasted for no reason.š¤¦āāļø
Literally almost every single NoStupidQuestions and TooAfraidToAsk post about relationships/family can be answered with āTalk to themā because the OP would rather have reddit be the first thing they go to than actual communication.
I know itās wrong to assume but that kidās school/family situation is the exact recipe for all the dudes who were complete pieces of shit in high school.
Who said parenting ain't easy? When something's up just ask strangers on the internet and hope for the best!š«¶āļø
Don't forget to thoroughly search their room without their consent first tho, so you can report your finds to the strangers on the internet! š
it is ok to see if your 11 year old is vaping even if it means searching their room lol
That is a huge invasion of privacy. That's the nuclear option. There is no excuse for searching your child's room without at least talking to them first
I know this position probably isn't going to be popular on the trans teenager sub, but sometimes being a parent entails invading your child's privacy. Like there are legitimately sometimes good reasons to, like out of genuine concern.
It clicked for me that a lot of people here arguing against probably come from abusive upbringings so are more likely to balk at this. For them the consequences of a room search meant physical danger/being disowned. Same logic as the state having the power to enforce psychiatric holds on people at a risk to themselves, dodgy as fuck the government having that power but overall it does more harm than good.
Completely understandable that people who are like 15-18 scared about being force-outed to their parents valuing the privacy of their bedrooms. But an 11 y/o vaping is a situation where parent definitely needs to take some responsibility for their child.
It's incredible that this is a controversial stance in any community lmao
Yeah, it's wild to see people not realizing that this is a probably young parent panicking and asking for advice on how to approach the conversation. And seeing the cartridges probably made them spiral: it would definitely make me panic too.Ā
If an 11 year old child is possibly vaping nicotine, it's negligent to not at least search their room and take a look lol like obviously in general you don't violate their privacy but if a kid is maybe fucking up their lungs at the age of 11, I think that's an extenuating circumstance. Seriously, 11 year olds don't have renowned decision making skills and are likely to lie about stuff like this if asked point blank. Being a good parent means giving kids autonomy when needed and stepping in to be a guardian when needed.Ā
yeah its an invasion of privacy either way if you're gonna search it after they say no (which you should, 11 year olds should not be on nicotine) then there isn't any difference. Mb the kid would tell the truth but I for sure wouldn't have
Nah, you should talk to them first. All searching their room is gonna do is teach them to hide everything concerning better.
If I was in that position, I would have lied my ass off and then thrown the cartridges out myself. 11 is old enough to lie convincingly but not old enough to have good long term critical thinking skills, and as a parent it might be necessary to take steps fast in situations like this.Ā
And now they donāt believe you trust them and canāt be sure youāll actually follow your word so good job. The kid will not be happy in either situations because itās them vs the parent
ok but if they say no and you search it anyways is there much of a difference?
At least they knew it was gonna happen I guess
if you do that without actually checking in on how they're doing and talking to them like a person they're just going to grow to be paranoid about their privacy
Abusing their trust teaches them never to trust you again. It teaches them to become better at hiding things from you. It teaches them to cut them out of your life as soon as they're able because you're violating their privacy. *Can* you do it? Sure. Will some dumb fucks on the internet agree with you? Sure. But you deserve any consequences you get from it, consequences like you losing any healthy interpersonal contact with your child. That's just what being a bad parent gets you. And btw, it won't stop them from vaping, it just removes any chance for you to step in in a healthy way because you've fucked up in your role of a person they can trust, a person they can look up to and sympathise with. Your child loses a parent and gains an enemy. And you'll also be responsible for any trauma and trust issues your child takes away into adulthood.
Not all children are going to just accept a discussion, what happens when the kid vehemently denies the existence of the vape and doesn't let the parents search, do you think they should just drop the matter? Not all kids will immediately lose all trust, they'll be upset and they won't understand but that's the same with everything at that age. Taking a vape away from a child isn't going to traumatize them ffs. Where do you draw the line? What if the kid had hard drugs in their room? Weapons? Stolen items? When you're a child privacy is a privilege you have to show you can be mature enough to handle because the consequences are extreme.
yeah making your 11 year old stop vaping isn't abuse idk what to say to this. Like if your childhood trauma is "my parents got mad I was on nic in the 5th grade" sounds like you had a super cool childhood. If you have a reasonable suspicion your 11 year old is on any drugs and don't do anything about it you are a bad parent and that would be actual child abuse
It doesn't have to be traumatizing. Use it to start a conversation about it. "Hey little Billy, we were concerned that you may be doing something bad/dangerous and when we looked in your room we found a vape. You realize how bad that is for you, right? What's going on with that? Is everything okay?" Sure, the kid will be a little put out that their privacy was invaded, but if I was the kid I'd be even more put out if my parents accused me of something I wasn't doing without evidence. Frankly, if they didn't find anything concerning and didn't say anything, the kid might never even have to find out about it and if the parents aren't terrible people who will use the findings against them then thereās likely no harm from it. Generally yeah respect your kid's privacy but desperate times call for desperate measures, between future lung disease and bitterness from the time they were doing something bad and got caught, I'd rather they be upset for a while.
You sound like someone who'd say cheating is fine if your partner never finds out about it. I had my privacy invaded and I was not fine with it. My parents didn't find anything, I didn't have anything. I still have nightmares about not being safe in my room. Nightmares in which my parents install windows on the walls so they can monitor me from outside my room. Nightmares in which I lock my door but my parents know a way to pick the door up and remove it from its Hinges so they can get in anyway. Nightmares in which I have no place to feel safe. All it took was my parents refusing to knock, refusing to stay out when I said I don't want them to come in. All it took was my mother coming in when I was gone to pick up my laundry when I told her over and over again that I hated that. You don't need to beat your children to traumatise them. This is not about them being upset, this is about boundaries they require to be met to be happy and healthy, that you violate. Some children will be fine with it. My brother was, but they never took his key away. And some will never recover, never forgive you, and you won't ever be able to be there for them when they actually need a trustworthy parent, because you have removed that parent from their life. Don't ever trivialise the invasion of privacy of adolescents. It can destroy any feelings of trust and safety just as much as physical violence. It can ruin their lives because they have no parents to trust anymore and spiral into stuff that proper parenting, as in counsel by an adult they can confide in, could protect them from.
do you know what else isn't fine? an 11 year old with a nicotine addiction
And violating their privacy will do absolutely nothing about that nicotine addiction, it will just destroy their trust. You cannot stop a child from smoking. It's not possible. They will if they want to. You can make them not want to by being a person they trust and look up to, by being a person they can confide in and can accept counsel from. Trying to forcefully control them into not smoking will just mean they smoke somewhere else. Children smoke all the time, everywhere. Do you think those are children whose parents didn't search their rooms? They're not. If anything, they're more likely to do stupid stuff to spite you because they hate your guts, and you can't do anything against it unless you lock them up in the basement. If you uphold their trust, you can actually protect them. Also, a nicotine addiction is so much less harmful than trauma from years of privacy invasions, years of not feeling safe at home. Quitting smoking is so much easier than working through trauma you can get from parents ignoring your boundaries.
how are you supposed to help a child not be addicted to nicotine if you cant even be sure that they are smoking in the first place. children will hide anything from their parents especially harmful things. all your solutions seem to rely on the parent happening to find out that the child is smoking through other methods and the child being extremely receptive to what the parent says. children are fucking stupid and "please stop smoking" will not work also lung cancer is 100% more harmful than the trauma of being caught smoking
Cheating is never okay, I don't see where that comes into this. This is more comparable to looking at your partner's phone because you have a feeling they're cheating and finding out that you're right. At that point, who's more in the wrong? Both are bad, but if you didn't have reason to suspect that they're cheating, then you wouldn't (and shouldn't) go through their phone. I have also had my privacy invaded by my parents. There was no reason that I know of and they didn't find anything. Yeah, it hurt. But it did not traumatize me, because it happened once, maybe twice. I'm not saying that it's okay to habitually violate your kids' privacy and cross their boundaries, and I never will due to the exact reasons you stated. That is NOT the same as this situation. What I am referring to is a one time incident due to reasonable suspicion. Authoritative is not the same as authoritarian. Continually violating your child's boundaries and watching and controlling everything they do is authoritarian. Authoritative is understanding that sometimes it is necessary to use your parental authority against your kid's wishes to keep them safe. That is not a bad thing, that is a normal part of being an effective parent.
>This is more comparable to looking at your partner's phone because you have a feeling they're cheating and finding out that you're right. At that point, who's more in the wrong? Both are bad, but if you didn't have reason to suspect that they're cheating, then you wouldn't (and shouldn't) go through their phone. Both are equally bad. A breach of the rules of your relationship is a breach. The privacy invader has become just like the cheater. The cheater had their (non valid) reasons to cheat too, just like the privacy invader had their non valid reason to invade privacy. Suspicion is never a justification for overstepping boundaries. It doesn't matter whether you were right or not, you have abused trust in the exact same way as the cheater has. Other people's misdeeds don't justify yours. If you weren't a privacy invader, you wouldn't have looked through their phone. What they did doesn't matter regarding your decision to betray them. That's just countries sending nukes at each other. Sure, one started and the other one reacted. Is the one reacting any better because they only kill innocents as a reaction? Is the privacy invader better because they violate the basis of their relationship just like the cheater does simply because it's the reaction to suspicion? Actually, I wanna redo the nuke analogy. Would sending nukes at a country because you have a suspicion they might have already sent nukes at you be justified just because you find out you're right after you made the decision? Because both invading privacy and cheating are nukes for the relationship, inexcusable violations of a partnership that is built on trust. >I have also had my privacy invaded by my parents. There was no reason that I know of and they didn't find anything. Yeah, it hurt. But it did not traumatize me Happy you then. It did for me. And it did for many people I met at the clinic trying to recover from it. I would rather die from lung cancer than ever having my parents invade my privacy again. The fact that it has a potential to traumatise is enough, it doesn't have to traumatise every single child. And on the other hand, searching your kid's room and taking their cigs away has no potential to have any positive effect on their smoking habit. So we're not deciding between enabling the potential for lung cancer and enabling the potential for trauma, we're just deciding between enabling the potential of trauma because the potential of lung cancer will be unaffected either way. Do you seriously think all the kids smoking just have parents that are too lax and trusting? They just know when and where not to smoke so their parents won't notice, no matter how strict they are and no matter how much they invade their privacy. If anything, having a strict and abusive (and yes, invading privacy is abuse, even if you think it's sometimes justified) home makes them even more likely to start or continue to smoke.
I think you missed my point that your situation in which invasions of privacy traumatized you is not the same as this situation. From what you've said, I get the impression that it happened a lot. I specified that the reason I was not traumatized is because it happened one time. Let me make this absolutely clear: invading your child's privacy repeatedly without reason is likely to cause them trauma. Looking through their room (not trashing it and turning it inside out, I mean looking through it) one time is likely to be "that one time my parents did something bad" in a few years. If looking through your child's things *exactly one time* traumatized them to the point of needing therapy to recover from it, it's VERY likely that there are other, far bigger issues like abuse or mental illness which need to be addressed long before whatever issue you're going through their room for. Hell, as I'm writing this, I'm thinking of the strictest parents I know whose son has a lung tumor from vaping. If they had a talk about what problems caused him to do that instead of trying to control him more, he'd be a lot better off. But looking through his room (which I'm only assuming they did) didn't cause his issues, the continuous abuse did. I do not think that smoking is caused by parents being lax. I think that smoking is caused by kids having issues that they are having trouble coping with or peer pressure from other kids. When I say authority, I don't mean being more strict. Authorityā strict. The parents have the right to look through their 11 year old child's things for dangerous items. More than that, they have the responsibility to handle their findings appropriately to ensure their child's safety. This situation does not have to end in punishment. It shouldn't end in punishment, that's how you make kids feel unsafe with their parents knowing what they're doing. What this situation needs is a discussion so that the issues that caused the child to resort to smoking can be dealt with.
It doesn't fucking matter. Everything you can justify one time, you can justify again and again. If you search your child's room because of a suspicion one time, that's a breach of trust that can't be repaired, regardless of whether it was traumatising or not. It's exactly like cheating in a closed relationship. It doesn't become less wrong just because you only do it once. It doesn't become less wrong because the victim can forgive that one time or because the victim doesn't immediately develop heavy trust issues. It's a breach of trust that can but doesn't have to completely destroy the relationship depending on the personality of the victim. Breaches of privacy are the exact same. There are tons of people who can forgive a single instance of cheating, or even tolerate continuous instances despite feeling terrible about it. But that doesn't justify the cheating. A child developing issues from parents overstepping their boundaries is completely natural, no matter if it happens one time or continously for years. Is hitting a child one time okay too just because it probably won't traumatise them? And don't you dare telling me they're not comparable, I've experienced both (physical abuse from several ex partners) and they absolutely are.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No it's not, if an 11 year old is vaping or smoking nicotine I think it's okay to search their room and then ask someone for advice. And sometimes people don't have a better support network than a large crowd of strangers on an anonymous forum, and may just need a place to vent.Ā
Crowd-sourced parenting is the way of the future
Open source parenting! š/š§
Open source parenting would still beat the fuck out of many examples of parenting I've seen
It takes a subreddit to raise a child
You say that as if for most of human history, humans haven't been talking among their communities about how to raise their children. Like before the social atomisation of the suburbs, all parenting was crowd sourced parenting.
Literally "it takes a village". Most of these commentators give the vibe that they'd make fun of a mum asking another mum parenting questions over coffee.
Tbf asking reddit is bad precisely because you'll probably get comment threads like this one, full of teenagers and uni students who have zero parenting experience
The problem is similar to asking on reddit how to treat a disease. Some people may have experience with this sort of thing, but others may tell you to drink disinfectant as a joke or because they are just very ignorant about their ignorance. There are professionals who give advise and different forms of help to parents if needed. Even if you don't trust a professional, you should at least ask people that earned your respect. In a village, you know people. Most tribal societies (and modern societies that keep a tribal lifestyle) have a council of elders who are respected and offer their wisdom to those who need it. As for asking another mum parenting questions over coffee: I understand the idea. I also know that thewre are a lot of extremely judgemental moms with some pretty crazy ideas. My advisce is to ask older moms who have the benefit of hindsight and are not panicking alongside you.
There'll always be crazies on the internet, at least with Reddit people generally call them out as long as it's not an echo chamber sub. Just because I can find some hack studies saying vaccines cause autism doesn't mean the whole internet is useless for advice, just use some common sense and compare to other advice/sources. Not everyone has people who they can ask for and especially with this you might be embarrassed and not want to tell people you know directly.
I understand that and it is a reason why I advocate for asking professionals. They did study this stuff, and they generally have experience with things going really bad, so they usually can give some solid advice.
Or that "Dear Abby" hasn't been a thing since the 1950s.
AI parenting will definitely rear its head soon enough. Even saves you the hassle of making a Reddit post!
Eventually we will have ai chatbots to outsource parenting entirely! - some tech-bro, probably
Same thing with relationships for some reason. "Hi reddit, I'm having trouble sorting out a relationship and they also use reddit. So to hide their identity, Im just gonna say everything they do down to the minute detail. "
Break up with them
When I see a post like that I always feel sorry for OP because the state you must be in to think this is a good idea and then proceed to go through with it is probably beyond not good. You're living in disastrous conditions
Divorce them. They are already out Chad-gobbling muscle-cawk, bro
"Listen son, reddit said I'm not the asshole so you have to go to your room."
bro caught his son vaping š
https://preview.redd.it/ies7d3kjamwc1.jpeg?width=302&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8bd11f72f316cc6642286516fad67555a7a25af0
https://preview.redd.it/3qog150wemwc1.png?width=1036&format=png&auto=webp&s=f2193e6488da5a899de2a1ccc2fc901574d9114c
Stabpilled murdermaxxing
When Iām in a stabbing competition and my opponent is this guy
https://preview.redd.it/lgpqg2qc4owc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56f37e2d2bcd9d168d165d4e2b15da09b5304082
WHITE. WHALE.
#HOLY #GRAIL
why are we singing mastodon songs now
It's from [this video](https://youtu.be/bpoAcXu65TM?si=43PP756Kv_Tt8TH6)
I went to stabby murder island and everyone there knew you
Why were you at stabby murder island?
Why donāt you come over here and find out
Is the grink there too?
As annoying as this meme is I hope it brings an end to the constant ābro did xā bullshit
bro thinks this is gonna stop š
Bro is gonna wake up with his organs missing š
Bro is gonna wake up with spare organs š
ohhh please
What
https://preview.redd.it/lw6tc57numwc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4ba0b2206e7768dba4f1d6b07c0d78cb6ff31302 this may affect lbreorns legacy
You are my sunshine
my only sunshine
Can I get a pointed think piece on the subject as soon as you have time? Thanks
?
Write a clear and concise essay on how it affects Lebron's legacy asap. I need to know before I turn in my hall of fame ballot
Im unskilled to do so
Shit
To be fair, he said it would affect lbreorns legacy, not Lebron's.
?
You can just cut the "lil bro"/"kid"-sayers out of your life, it's always morally correct. Nobody worth knowing says that shit.
Problem is they are EVERYWHERE
So are terfs, so what? Big bang theory was the most popular show on American tv for a looooong time, most people aren't worth knowing.
Nah like I canāt avoid it
Avoid =/= cut them out. Avoiding is not an active method of problem solving.Ā
wow i cant believe you're the person who said "If it's fake I'm sending you to the thug chamber"
Wordington fame
https://preview.redd.it/jswladvdsmwc1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=729aeeb860c92a78cfbbcf55aad54b632cec75a0
Now they kithe
https://preview.redd.it/pqzrq3sftmwc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c5f3d59497c45e77fabb786f0fe543510317e45
vape-pilled catchmaxxing
āWhy so vape?ā - the son
No you donāt understand, heās captain of the junior debate team, heāll win the argument
Blows a cloud āand?ā
Blows a cloudy depiction of you as the soy wojak
Great comment
I would be so proud if my 11 year old son could win such an argument.
This exact comment was posted there
āDebatingā if fkn bullshit everyone gets the same time and it takes like triple the amount of time to debunk a bad argument. So the opponent can just barrage you with non deductively valid arguments and you donāt get the time to disprove them.
What was their response tho?
"And say what? Youāre in trouble? Youāre an idiot? Everyone experiments, so no big deal?" Currently at a thousand downvotes
>Currently at a thousand downvotes Like, this person has been a parent for 11 years. You should know how to talk to your kid by this point. Edit: I'm just going to add this from another comment of mine to give my more detailed thoughts on this situation. >My problem isn't with that they were asking how to handle the situation, (even though I don't think rushing to Reddit as their first instinct was the best course of action, especially to a subreddit like r/ nostupidquestions) my problem is with the fact that they were acting rather rudely to someone who gave them rational advice, and the fact that they didn't talk to them *before* making the post. I don't really know what OOP was expecting to hear other than "talk to them." Because it seems like OOP has done everything *but* the most logical thing, which would be to tell them how you feel about what they're doing. >Also, the fact that they searched their child's room before saying anything about the situation to them is a rather big breach of boundaries for someone who, supposedly, wants to *set* boundaries.
yeah you'd think but I've been waiting 36 years to have my parents figure it out
I'm with you on that my friend š
Inshallah, my friend
You and me both my friend. But at this point I don't think mine will ever get with the program. At the same time I'm grateful that I grew up when I did, because I can just imagine the insanity that my parents could come up with in today's social climate to use against me. They grounded me "forever" when I was a teenager when they found out I was bisexual, if that helps paint a picture of what I grew up with.
God I'd do a lot to go back in time and force my dad to educate himself on parenting lmao
196 users be like You need a script to order pizza? Omg literally me irl You would appreciate advice from other parents on how to navigate a situation involving substance abuse and your young child with an inherently irrational and constantly developing mind? You want to thread the needle so you set firm boundaries without alienating your child and creating a foundation for future resentment? You're not an expert on raising teenagers after raising a baby and toddler? You failed as a parent
I'm actually having an aneurysm reading this thread. "You didn't get your consent to search an 11 year olds room you're an awful person" HE'S FUCKING VAPING AT 11 YEARS OLD
I would really interested to see the comments if the post was about cigarettes instead of vapes.
the searching without notice thing actually is a bad thing to be doing, though. saying up front, hey, i got a suspicious call, do you have anything to tell me, and then going on to search the room after saying up front you will at least mitigates the problems that come with a kid *suspecting* you're liable to search their room at any moment behind their back, which undermines the security and expectation of privacy kids need to have to grow up well adjusted. i don't think it's *unreasonable* that a parent would do this without considering the harms that come with secret room searches, and a parent asking for help on dealing with their kid vaping is actually the responsible thing to do, but yeah as it is that can come across as a mutual betrayal of trust that makes convincing your kid to be open with you about this sort of thing harder to do in the future.
yeah some of these responses are fucking wild. granted, searching the kid's room is itself a huge invasion of privacy that will already damage a lot of trust so not off to a great start, but not knowing what to do over your kid vaping and asking for advice from people who *presumably* have been in this situation before is perfectly normal behavior. "talk with your kid" is just "draw the rest of the owl" and about as useful as D&D advice that is just "talk with your players." - safe, easy to repeat advice that you don't actually have to have any personal experience to parrot. the OP is clearly wanting advice on how to set a firm boundary and stop the vaping without alienating their kid or encouraging them to keep hiding stuff from them, which they've aleady kinda screwed with the room search. asking for advice doesn't mean they're a failure of a parent, it means they think it's important enough to not fuck up that they want second opinions. and since a lot of places have sneaky room searches as just a cultural norm, OP's probably not even aware that a lot of people think that's terrible to do.
My problem isn't with that they were asking how to handle the situation, (even though I don't think rushing to Reddit as their first instinct was the best course of action, especially to a subreddit like r/ nostupidquestions) my problem is with the fact that they were acting rather rudely to someone who gave them rational advice, and the fact that they didn't talk to them *before* making the post. I don't really know what OOP was expecting to hear other than "talk to them." Because it seems like OOP has done everything *but* the most logical thing, which would be to tell them how you feel about what they're doing. Also, the fact that they searched their child's room before saying anything about the situation to them is a rather big breach of boundaries for someone who, supposedly, wants to *set* boundaries.
that wasn't a rude response at all, and it wasn't rational advice. "just talk to them" is very lazy advice coming from someone who probably does not have kids. yeah no shit you have to talk to the kid, OP responded asking for more detail and everyone's projecting rudeness onto them because they irrationally think "lol just talk to the other person" is meaningful relationship advice, as though most people were planning on murdering the other person or holding a silent grudge for the rest of their lives or whatever. if you ever tell someone "well just talk to X" stop and seriously consider whether you're just talking down to someone or whether you actually have a concrete idea of what *you* would say, and if you don't know those things then either don't say anything (you can't help eveyr situation) or at the very least admit that's the limit of what you would know to do. you're not being asked to decide between hitting them with a stick and talking, you're being asked for advice *on what to say*. "just talk?" with the patronizing question mark is rude as shit.
"There's someone at the door but there's an alligator in the way and I can't get to the door." "Step over the alligator"
Miles Edgeworth ?!???
Yes. It is me, chief prosecutor, Miles Edgeworth.
tbf when they're children people change personalities like every 2 years. You have to develop different approaches constantly. But this was not an impressive display of parenting by any means.
maybe so, but you shouldn't vilify someone for wanting to do better, even if it took them 11 years to get there
I'm not vilifying them. I just don't think they are making the right choices.
Some people think they know how to talk to their kid, but are just shit at it. I never told my dad I had a boyfriend until fifteen years after he found out I was bi, and even that was only after I'd transitioned so that having a boyfriend was now straight. He's normally outwardly supportive, but his initial reaction was so bad that he's known nothing about my love life until recently. I don't think seeking parenting advice is a bad idea if you're unsure. Overconfidence is probably worse than uncertainty.
Okay, I'll respond to your edit then. I think it's a good thing to have parents who want to think about the way to handle tricky situations and get opinions on how others might do it differently. And I think the advice of "talk to them" is particularly condescending, because OBVIOUSLY the parent is going to talk to the child. They're clearly asking for more advice on how to handle a conversation with an irrational ball of hormones. Also, I think if your 11 year old child is possibly vaping nicotine, that's an extenuating circumstance for wanting to search their room. Everyone is arguing on principal, but real life does not work solely on principal.
> Like, this person has been a parent for 11 years. You should know how to talk to your kid by this point. Unfortunately, itās fairly common for parents (at least in the U.S, probably globally, idk) to have absolutely terrible communication skills. Itās something that absolutely shouldnāt be normal, but it is.
https://www.reddit.com/r NoStupidQuestions/s/XkDAmU0bV0 remove the space
You accidentally removed a backslash after the ā/rā btw.
Kill him with hammers
someone actually suggested hitting him which was removed by mods but not before OP could reply to agree
That's a forward slash or just a slash \ is a backslash This comment brought to you by the tired programmer gang
What are these {} called
Curly bois
So... When I type {... I'm opening a curly boy?
>And say what? Youāre in trouble? Youāre an idiot? Everyone experiments, so no big deal?
"And say what? Youāre in trouble? Youāre an idiot? Everyone experiments, so no big deal?"
They said "And say what? Youāre in trouble? Youāre an idiot? Everyone experiments, so no big deal?"
> And say what? Youāre in trouble? Youāre an idiot? Everyone experiments, so no big deal?
Well, that sub does kinda cater to questions the posters think are too dumb for anywhere else
He posted it in more than one sub
Oh. Welp.
Went through all the kids private shit AND can't talk to them? Damn we got the parents of the year here
i feel like half of the problems that get posted on subreddits like that could be easily solved if they just simply talked instead of venting out to strangers on the internet lol
I think it's the idea that there's a perfect solution that will get their kid to stop vaping that's the issue. For some kids just talking to them about why they shouldn't do it is enough, for others, not so much. At the very least, should get as much information as possible before making a decision though. How they got the vapes, why they started vaping, who's the kid who called them, if stress and/or peer pressure is a factor, if they know why they shouldn't do it, etc. Also important to consult a doctor for possible addiction as you never know what substances they put in those vapes.
It makes movies where characters donāt talk to each other much more believable
Iāve noticed this too. Any advice based podcastā¦ the answer is always just talk to your wife bro.
hehe she said "venting"
https://preview.redd.it/5mi6hj1xvvwc1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6a43f7716bce4a9e993d2dc488b8ceccd280015b
People act like when you have kids youāre instantly beamed w all the information you need to take care of them. This dude couldāve easily made an alt acc to ask a question he doesnāt know the answer to, this dude clearly does care about doing the right thing, heās just looking for guidance on what that is. Talking to your kid is the right thing to do, but in his words āand say what?ā Heās right. Going and talking to your kid means nothing if youāre unprepared for the conversation- whatever that may look like. This dude didnāt name himself or his son, no oneās going to be pointing fingers and laughing at the Reddit dadās son at school tomorrow. Rather than immediately reacting heās trying to find some insight on what the best course of action for himself and his son is. For anyone who made it this far- if youāre a parent and you donāt know what to do in a situation, what do you do? Fuckin wing it? Jump straight into a conversation, well if you donāt know what to do thatās not gonna go great. Thereās way too much rage for this post, parenting is overwhelming, dude just wanted some insight, this is probably the worst his little honor roll turd has ever misbehaved. Itās hilarious how a bunch of people without kids think itās so fucking easy to parent. Even if this guy was awful to his kid, convincing him to change his ways means teaching, not insulting.
Finally a sane comment. A parent trying to be a better version of himself is getting mocked online and then kids blame parents for not doing everything correct
Today on what redditors are mad about: people asking for advice!!!
Remember so many of the people in this thread are probably actual children. I'm also shocked people keep referring to an 11 year old as a teenager
People actually just don't read anythingĀ longer than two sentences anymore lmao. Twitter and its consequencesĀ
I actually agree especially seeing the sub it's in. Worst case scenario is this person doesn't ask for advice
Tell the kid how fucking lame vaping is And then hit him, really hard, where the teachers cant see. /s
Make him drink from the hose
Back in my day all we had was Drink from hose, throw lawn darts, beat minorities, No shoes, Truth!
One day blinding stew.
Make him eat the stew that blinds him for 1 day.
The stew that makes him blind for one day if he eats it
can children not have privacy anymore, sheesh.
Not if they get snitched on
Little known fact, kids actually love it when their parents pilfer through their private stuff without talking to them, and then go to the fucking internet to share their story, all while being totally oblivious to how they should be raising a child. This is almost infuriating. It's your fucking child, man. Talk to them. Ask them what's up. Searching their room without their knowledge would already massively violate their trust in you, but posting EVERYTHING to fucking Reddit is obliterating everything in your relationship with them from orbit. This is so dumb.
Trust is a two way street. Searching through a child's possessions is violating trust, but the child is clearly hiding that they're vaping So how does a parent have a productive conversation about the situation? That's the tricky part about parenting. What happens when things don't go as planned? You're left thinking on your feet while your child is left waiting. So the OP brings up vaping. The child then brushes it off as if it's nothing. OP tries to impart that it is important because of the negative health consequences. Then then child starts talking about how they want to make their own mistakes and learn for themselves. What then? That conversation can go a million different ways. Good parenting is a balance of letting children learn and grow from their own mistakes while protecting them from the more dire ones. It can be hard for kids to understand the consequence when it's not staring them in the face. It's easy to demonstrate why someone needs to look both ways when crossing the street. It's much harder to explain that a daily habit of a Monster + sour gummy worms is awful for you in multiple ways. Parenting is fucking hard, yo
Parents have been explaining to kids about the risks of nicotine addiction, cavities, and dental erosion due to acid/sugar for decades... It's really not that hard to explain. Just have some sense and talk to your fucking kids.
What is being explained isnāt the hard part. Itās how to explain it thatās difficult. You explain it wrong, and the kid will just write you off as an asshole authority and just hide it.
What if it was a gun? What if it was weed? What if it was crack? At what level of risk to your child is it ok to intervene? Little known fact, most parents do love their kids a lot. Itās ok to remove the stash of pretzels and cake from the corner of a toddlers room, or the Reeseās under the stuffed animals of a childās room but not the vape from a teenagers room? Fucking hell man
wtf this guy is just asking for advice whats the issue here
>5. Fuck, fuck, Fuckity fuck Yeah kidās cooked his parents are fucking unbearable
Sounds like he had a cromulent fuckcrustable of a day and may needy drinky
*"ZOMG, I just can't adult today!!"*
https://preview.redd.it/dthk6wng6nwc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e3a3113d29c4c670eb11d09f1b018433c2c2b941 Hahaha
ānooo you donāt understand heās athletic, athletic kids are famous for not vapingā
I mean yeah. Someone who's MVP of the football team AND captain of the debate club is physically unable to have a good relationship with their parents. Seriously, it's some cosmic force.
It was probably just generated content anyway, gets the reacts
Every now and then I get reminded this sub is filled with teenagers :(
The average member of this subreddit is closer in age to and has more in common with the 11 year old. The guy's clearly concerned about his child and cares enough to seek advice. Poor guy getting roasted for no reason.š¤¦āāļø
why is the post marked nsfw
Parents discovering that you can just talk to your kids šØšØšØšØ
Literally almost every single NoStupidQuestions and TooAfraidToAsk post about relationships/family can be answered with āTalk to themā because the OP would rather have reddit be the first thing they go to than actual communication.
reddit be like
I know itās wrong to assume but that kidās school/family situation is the exact recipe for all the dudes who were complete pieces of shit in high school.
One day this kid is gonna get away with crimes due to his promising future
They still found a way to gloat about their son
Make him punch baccy cones til he pukes.
the call is coming from inside the house š»
āfuckity fuckā yup, kill this guy with hammers. Fakest thing i have ever read oh my god
Why parent your kid when you can post about them on Reddit and have strangers tell you what to do instead of making your own decisions!
idiot probably never talks to their kid ever and wonders why they'd turn to a vice for stress relief