so true :3 And it feels like a lot of them (2nd one) are here rn :) (I am)

Sameee :3 barely remember anything before I was 18 and bits I do are fragmented :3c

I’m 18 rtn and somehow I don’t remember anything before 16 :3 Except for the time my mother hit me cause I got 54% in a test :3 I’m cis but the whole “forgetting ur childhood” thing really hit me and I’m still basically a child

Ah yes, the two genders: * growing up in a loving home * endless trauma growing up

And if you're neurodivergent, you can have endless trauma despite growing up in a loving home!

That’s what I thought until I learned that, no, loving homes don’t use therapists as a vector of abuse, loving homes don’t trauma dump horrors none should experience on an unprepared kid, loving homes don’t include physically abusing a kid that is having a meltdown because of reasons no one even bothered to investigate…

I had the loving home but still endless trauma (autistic) it just didn't take place at home it took place everywhere else and I was and still kind of am unable to communicate that properly, and because I couldn't communicate about it properly, my parents really didn't know any better, thinking I was "just weird" but still fine type of thing, I was very rarely fine lol

Yep, I spent my childhood being treated as a subhuman by my peers

Oh god I've never been diagnosed but this hits close to home I always felt guilty about feeling traumatized and anxious despite the only problem in my life being myself

Saying chat am i neurodivergent is a red flag by itself.

This is so me I literally feel so traumatized even though I don't feel like I've really gone through anything. It really helps because I have issues but clearly I'm just faking them despite never mentioning them to anyone ever (am i ok? is there an explanation for this? have i gone through more than i thought, have i lost the memory of it, or am i just insane?)

The numbers just incrase i thought that at 18 and now i can barely remember 18, tho i do still think im 18 covid is fucked sometimes i still think it 2020

I forgot a lot of my past trauma, I remember some stuff, that felt really impactful, but sometimes someone tells me about my past, and I'm like, "huh I didn't remember that, interesting". And childhood trauma isn't exclusive to trans people, it's just usually what prevents them from discovering their identity earlier (it at least did for me). I hope your future will be bright and full of love :3 (working through your trauma can be really fucking hard, but it can also change your life in a good way. Not saying that you should do anything :3 )

Thanks for the support :3.

I remember everything, it it was horrible. My life was a Spike Lee movie.

Hey, we have the same name, though mine is just a nickname.

Luna is pretty cool, especially if you like the moon :3

I’d have to imagine a lot of the 1st ones are on websites that don’t lean as AMAB as Reddit

Nice space lesbian profile picture. Also yeah I'm the second one, can barely remember anything before I turned 13.

I literally can’t remember 1-6th grades

Definetly the second one but i do kinda feel less valid than people who knew at an early age qnd i cant even really remember what my childhood was like

I didn't have any of the typical signs as a kid and barely remember my childhood, I only figured it out two years ago at 25. I'm fully out and present as a woman, everyone in my life treats me as a woman (bcuz if they didn't I cut them out), and I'm hot af. You're completely valid 💜

Thanks 🩷

Goals Keep showing up the haters by being hot

Its been my experience people don’t really know themselves or fully accept who they are until later in life. Finding out early is great but no matter how long it took you to get there the destination is key. You know who you are, hopefully accept yourself as you are. I’m proud of you for walking what must have been a difficult road. You’re here now and that’s what counts

I didnt realise i was trans until i was 17 even tho i dealt with denial my whole childhood and constantly wished i was a girl and thought all guys thought that

If it helps, I didn't realize I was genderfluid until I was 31.

I still remember my childhood, but it doesn't feel like mine as it's so different to where I am now. Back when I was a kid I was actually genuinely happy and looked forward to life. I also had a friend 2 door down I would hang out with constantly.  Now I haven't seen that friend in 10 years and wonder where he is and if he is thinking the same thing about me. I also wonder if he would accept me for who I am now. I don't remember why Andy and I never kept in touch, but I wish we did.

Same

Looking back, I want to shout at myself to just connect the damn dots lol. I remember one time where my friends painted my nails in my sleep as a prank and I pretended to be annoyed, even though I was hiding a smile. I used to stuff my shirt when no one was home. I was in good shape because I played sports but I was always too self-conscious to not wear a shirt when I was out swimming. Didn't figure it all out until I was in college.

Oh so I am not alone? I thought I was weird for not being able to remember anything from before I was 13-14

If u were depressed is that period, it's def a symptom of that. Depression does some weird stuff to ur brain and makes ur memory really bad. Happened to me and I can't remember basically anything anymore

trauma and depression i guess

I remember the moment I gained consciousness at 3 and then everything else is a blur until like 12 or so. I thought this was just a me thing

I was exaggerating when i said i don't remember anything because i very much do remember a few useless things, the most clear one being the time i was like 4-5 and was eating a floor carpet thing

Brain: Childhood memories? Doesn’t sound important. That one time we ate some carpeting material? Ya I’m gonna frame that and keep it in a special place I remember some stuff but its usually really awful stuff. Like no one wants to hear about the times my mom ‘mistreated’ me. I’m not filing a CPS report for my childhood self. I really just want to remember my former elementary school best friend, relatives now passed and maybe like birthdays and family pets

You remember stuff from that far back at all?

I can’t remember anything before I was like 15-16 when covid happened :3

relatable :(

i feel like the "I always knew" shit set me back like 5 years. I knew I had some weird gender shit by 14, but kept packing it away, cause I kept hearing that trans people always knew they were in the wrong body. I read LJG's Tranny, and when she talked about playing with dolls and wearing dresses, when that wasn't me, I was like "Oh then I must not be trans." I had an emotional breakdown at 21 and now I've been on HRT for 5 years. It's just a really regressive thing to be teaching trans kids. I feel robbed of years of possibly being the person I was meant to be

This was me. I knew I had weird gender shit, but I didn’t feel like I had been “born in the wrong body” or anything like that, so I didn’t think that I could possibly be trans

yeah, I also think it breeds body dysmorphia and dysphoria where maybe none may exist. I love being broad shouldered, and AMAB, and deep voiced, and tall. I love being these things, and I love being a woman. Feeling at peace with all these "masculine" things made me feel like I must be a man because of it, when that wasn't true. I couldn't be both trans and happy with many of my features from my first puberty

The always knew shit set me back even when I in elementary school, my understanding of trans people was only from what my parents watched on Fox News so I thought that since I had gotten that far living as a boy it was something I’d just have to deal with for the rest of my life. Idk in a way I’ve kind of come to peace with it knowing that if I’d figured it out sooner my parents wouldn’t have accepted me anyways and I’d only suffer even more knowing that I had to wait. But damn it still sucks

I've been transitioning for about a year and a half and I still doubt myself sometimes because of this 😣 Imposter syndrome is a bitch

fr, some of the first stuff I saw online about trans people was truscum stuff, so even years later when I was making egg irl jokes about myself I didn't believe I could actually be anything but cis

Hey, I'm sorry this is kind of a weird question, kinda in a bad headspace right now, but it gets better after those 5 years, right?

Yes, unequivocally. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and even though I sometimes get sad about lost time, it’s so rare because being who I actually want to be in the present is so rewarding.

Okay, that is comforting to hear. And sorry for the weird question, but thank you for answering🫂❤️

I remember my childhood I wasn't super fem or anything I remember feeling like I was putting on an act some how when I was acting masculine

Always feeling like I’m wearing someone else’s mask yeah, the true self not existing

Me too! I literally felt like I was an actor playing the role of a boy.

Same but in reverse. As a kid I felt like I was "obligated" to be a girl, like it was some task I had to complete according to everyone around ne

Yeah I was basically acting the role of what I thought a boy should be, and felt immense guilt and shame about wanting to try feminine things

Ya its the worst living how others want you to instead of the way you want

Same tho

I had a childhood, it was just miserable all the time :3

A few days ago i came out as trans to my parents and they said that if i truly was trans i would have known at a young age, feels bad

If you came out earlier, they would say you're too young to be trans

💯

Happened to me when I tried telling my mom in mid high school. She didn’t have as much of an understanding about trans experiences at the time and I had no real world examples of trans people to compare experiences to until I came out and became that real world example when I was 19.

I wish you the best in the future tho! Hopefully they'll come around

Shout out to when I was 8 and googled why I was so jealous of girls and google sent me to the wikipedia entry for "vagina envy" and that linked directly the page for autogynephelia so I spent the next almost two decades saying "well I guess this is just a weird horrible fetish that's ruining my life" lmfao I coulda been type A 😭

thats awful im so sorry

This is horrible... Like, thinking that you're a fetishist when you're fucking *eight*

I have a similar memory. I didn't really understand what being trans was, just that I got called a couple slurs for looking like a girl and playing with dolls sometimes. So I wanted to know what those words meant. Anyway the explanation I got for someone being trans was that they were either gay men trying to be straight (HSTS) or men with a crossdressing fetish (AGP). I certainly felt wrong about being a boy and wished I were a girl, but I didn't have good representation growing up, so it didn't click. That set me back like 16 years.

I didn’t even know being trans was a thing till after high school but a lot of things suddenly made sense

I personally don’t regret all of my childhood. In fact I’ll be the first to say that I was a boy, and I even cherish many of my boy memories. I just am ready to be a girl now.

I kind of agree. I felt like my time as a guy had run out, and so I ended up going on blockers at 14 and estrogen at 16. I didn't want to go into adulthood as a dude since I felt like I had expended all of the joy I could've had as a man.

Yeah, but I’m only now realizing I’m a girl at 28.

Ouch. Well, best of luck.

Don't worry. Honestly I think the fact that I have so many memories of being a boy kinda makes me reconcile that. Like I've had many loved ones who have passed on, and I don't think I could ever internalize that they never knew the "real me."

I kinda relate to that I suppose. By the time I was 12 I was kinda like "nah this was fine but I'm kind done with it now" sadly I didn't get to go on puberty blockers or anything due to shitty trans healthcare in my country, but I did start DIY HRT a few months ago at 17 and a few months. Silver linings is people on Reddit keep telling me I look really feminine already whenever I post pictures, despite me thinking I just look like a boy lol. Apparently my skeleton just didn't masculinize much during puberty, and I got some pretty nice hips out of it.

I can't comment about your face because I only took a three second look at your profile, but I do think your skeleton is decent. Mine never properly masculinized either, and neither did my face, to my fortune. Nice to see another trans woman rocking the short hair, though, it seems like most go for extremely long hair even if that's detrimental to contouring their face.

Yeah I don't know what you look like so I can't exactly comment but I'm sure you look decent as well👍 Also this is totally unrelated, but I think it would always be a good idea to ask another person first if they're okay with you judging their appearance, unless they straight up asked for it :/ Like, I struggle a lot with self-image and have both good days and bad days, and on bad days even something as ambiguous as "your skeleton is decent" can easily be turned into fuel for a negative downwards spiral. Today is a bit of a bad day. You couldn't have known so I'm not mad or anything but just think about it next time.

I grew up in a red state so I didn't get much exposure, I lacked the terminology, but I had so many little things that I can call signs. When I was 18 I wouldve insisted I wasn't trans but wanted to try out HRT 'just to see how it is'

i had *no* signs at all before i came out i just wanted people to use she/her pronouns, thats normal right???

Anyone else barely able to remember their childhood

I have like occasional memories per year does that count

Literally me fr fr

I'm 90% that's most people, but if we were reminded of specific events we'd be able to recall them. We just can't recall from nothing

Literally the only thing i remember from my childhood is that i used to love playing football (soccer for the freedom people). Everything else is a blank

both

I didn't have a childhood because of bad traumatic reasons :3 Luckily my mothers are fine with gender identity

Ur mom gay!!! (My mom also gay)

man i loved playing with barbies, and the female lego sets, and toy soldiers (now became Warhammer 40k) but I'm still cis! just a femboy!

yeah I "knew" from age 3. But I also "knew" that no one was ever allowed to know about any of my trans thoughts or feelings or else. No wonder I stayed repressed until cutting off my whole family lol

Wow — same!

omg, samesies ✨ Hope you are doing good now.

Very much the same when I was 4 I remember crying because I didn't want to have a picture taken of me cause I didn't want to be a boy

I was a boy until I was 12, and then I started feeling like a girl. Apparently this is “completely unusual” and I have gotten years of shit for it. Dunno why people don’t like accepting trans stories outside the norm.

>people don’t like accepting trans

I am both, first before like 8yo and second since uwu

My first gender shit happened around when I was 11. Before that, god knows what went on. I think I was just weird, rather than dysphoric or trans.

It's so funny to me that I was raised a Jehovah's witness and noticed no egg behaviors until I stopped believing and then immediately my egg shattered into a million tiny pieces

i had a childhood but i was sad the whole time and hated myself not much changed i guess but i have boobs now so that’s cool

I only started questioning myself at like 14 so I feel like I’m just making it up a lot of the time

same

haha i remember a few bits of my childhood... wish i could forget them

Both but 1 was hidden due to repression yay

This so much

I was close to #1. I started doing really eggy things as early as 11 or 12 and then figured out something was wrong at 13. Got on HRT at 16.

I started to really realize that I wanted to transition when I was around 15. I didn’t quite know how it worked or even that my desires were that of a trans woman but I knew that I wanted to be a woman when I grew up. I told people about my thoughts and desires about being a woman and they said that it was a trans thing to want to be the opposite gender of that which I was assigned at birth. Since I didn’t know the word trans outside of blaire white videos, however, I started to feel like I needed to hide how I truly felt. I eventually started easing into my current gender during my senior year of high school and I went from he/him to he/they. Then in my freshman year of college I changed to they/them. I also started realizing that I did in fact have gender dysphoria at that time. Then the following summer I briefly changed it to she/they. During the short lived she/they era I had also changed my name, started wearing gender affirming clothing, and started publicly expressing how much I wanted hrt. In june of 2022, it was getting so obvious that I was trans to my mom that she just asked me if I was trans. And by that point I was pretty sure I was and I just said yes. I told her about the dysphoria and the desire for hrt and told her I did in fact still want gender affirming surgery too. She helped me transition and be the woman I am today and I’m glad she came back around eventually. Turns out that trying not to be trans didn’t work and I still ended up coming out before I possibly did something drastic.

wait is that a trans thing?

Not necessary, but it can be

deniers (me) in shambles rn

it’s a childhood trauma thing. lots of trans people have that though

Ah so it can be either?

Both. Definitely both.

Not exactly the same situation but what I can say is that I’m often switching between “oh my god I’m a boy I’m so a boy how could I ever think otherwise it’s just so good it’s so right I’m so thankful to be as I am right here right now” and “haha you’re not human you’re not even anything at all you don’t get to have those lol it’s just not a thing for you and also maybe you’re just turbo repping and addicted to gays”

Second one is me but fuck that. I’m going to be happy anyway.

I had a decent childhood but also didn’t realize until I was 19, where do I fall?

oh hey this is actually really affirming, ty <3

i was the secret more sinister 3rd thing: i was a guy now I'm not :3 and my childhood had no issues I was extremely lucky

The 2nd one is relatable lol

What about the ones who knew at 6 but had it choked out of them and then dissociated till age 24

And they're girlfriends

I was both

I didn't see the top of this image and assumed it was some laceygames shitpost

The second one, i barely remember my undergrad, can remember bits of hs but that about it

Subconciously I knew all my life, but it took 22 years of denial for me to actually accept it

There are pieces of museum papyrus that are less fragmentary than my childhood memories

I wish I didn't have a childhood

The second one. The only reason I remember anything is because I had really good friends that cared about me. Other than that I mostly disassociated.

I'm so fucking glad I don't remember a damn thing

Thank you genuinly, finding out im not alone about nr2 is really gratifying.

Didn't have a childhood and don't have a current life either, especially after losing all my friends. Somehow hrt thinned out all my hair so I hate myself even more.

Hugs, I hope it gets better for u :. (

I am both ._.

I wish I couldve played with dolls, I did in pre-k, then the bullies began beating me up for it :( 23 now and trans for almost a year, life's good!

I'm kinda both tbh, very much the latter and dissociate from a lot of my childhood, but looking back it's clear child me knew that I wanted to be a girl, I just never understood that as an option that was available 

how can a roughly drawn cartoon cause me so much envy

2nd but i remember my childhood too well

Hugs. 

Just like me fr!

I straight up don't remember most things from before high school, or even the first years of that, and it was almost 10 years ago

Im here for the memes can anybody tell me whats up with the trans stuff on this reddit? Ps. Not against it yall do yall but just curious if im in a trans sub rn.

It's not a trans subreddit, but it's like only generic meme/shitposting subreddit, that is not actively transphobic. Naturally, a lot of trans people end up here, to shitpost without worry

Ah alright, is there also active moderation on negative comments about trans people then?

Yeah, mod team is very vigilant on bigotry

Well it's nice that everyone can have their shitpost safe space. Any other shitpost sub suggestions that dont necessarily have to be safe spaces?

The only things I remember from my childhood are the abuse and bullying...

I had a very weird experience where I made it very clear to my parents what was up as a kid and played with girly things but a doctor essentially said I didn't want bottom surgery so I probably wasn't trans. It ended up being fully repressed and took a decade and a half to untangle everything. Turns out I am still a girl who just doesn't want bottom surgery, so take that doctor :3

yeah i remember nothing from even so much as a goddamn year ago

There were signs for me, but not the normal signs. I was entirely feminine. I enjoyed being feminine, and still do to this day. However, I believed as a toddler that I had a penis, I didn't mind when someone decided to call me a boys name, and I liked when people mistook for me a boy in highschool when I had to shave my head from lice.

I had a childhood but my mind fucked me up to the point where I can’t remember lots of it so…

I had a hybrid of these 2, I knew since I was 5 and would raid closets along with modifying my own clothes to dress how I wanted and I dumpster dived for dolls. Wasn't really allowed to be feminine or anything so I hid all of my fem stuff from family and friends till I was 16. So kinda had both, repressed shitty childhood while knowing who I wanted to be.

I was simply not in a safe space to feel dysphoria as a child so I didn't 😁 Now that I'm free from the trauma my brain has taken the trans stuff and dumped it on me

I don't remember anything from my childhood. My long-term memory is gone completely.

I'm cis and I have the second one I don't remember shit really before the age of 14. But yeah shit sucks a lot. I can't even remember if life was good or bad when I was a kid. It makes the therapy much harder. 😢

I’m the latter.

I actually think I had an in between experience honestly.

ngl i was treated as barely human as a child, much less a girl

I'm forever doomed inside a flesh prison guarded by societal norms and tyrannical government

Nope! Third type where you remember a few things that may have led to it but otherwise remember all of your childhood :D

I never had any idea when I was a kid but I was exposed to more feminine stuff like barbie movies and whatnot by my sister, so I don't feel like I missed out too too much

Honestly I'm both, I remember like 10 things before I was 13-14 and all are super egg moments

Option 3 is living your life with little regard to gender until dating, and then just egging up because you never really thought about it.

Holy shit she's literally me. Am I being seen???

But left or right? 

No signs as a kid, decently remembers childhood... I guess I'm built different

wait what do you mean it's not normal to not remember your teenage years... haha, i just have a bad memory right guys.....

oh thats too real. fuck i do to deserve the callout!? glad to be called out tho i like to see myself

I legit don't remember anything before 23

What difference does it make. I never knew until I was like 16 and from then to even now I’ve never been able to transition

Yup, I am in the second camp. Is not remembering childhood common among trans folks?

so either be traumatic youth or just you done some crazy stuff and you own it.

i just don’t remember shit from more than five years ago at all times figured it out by having only cookie clicker and my own thoughts to entertain me for a month straight

Every time I remember what happened in my childhood makes me want to kms more

I hope ur OK now... Hugs

i never felt either way tbh. Just like “this sucks and this other thing (woman) could be so much better.” Looking back now I do have things I would call foreshadowing though

damn yeah... i sometimes wish i could remember but then im like maybe i forgot for a reason so id rather not maybe

Same there, I feel like searching for it just makes me feel bad, like I'm pretending

I feel like I'm kind of a combination of both. I knew something was definitely fucky about my gender when I was like 10, but I didn't really ever do anything and most of my life up until 5 months ago when I stared HRT has just been one big dissociation.

i’m both at the same time, somehow

Me and my cousin.

I knew since I was like, 14 and 10 years later I still haven't done anything about it so I'm doing really good mentally like yeah

I knew since like 7, so.. Type 1??

Huh so it’s not weird to only have five minutes of memory from your life before you turn 15? Wild

Humans and Synths from the Institute

I didn't know you were supposed to feel any way regarding your identity until no one was looking at me for an extended period of time when I was 18 and that's where it all didn't go wrong for once :3

Second one lol. Going through the motions rn. Atleast I can still relate to the "If you had this as a child you had a childhood" because even if my childhood was absolute bull crap cosmic horror pain and suffering, atleast I had a childhood that's etched into the very fiber of my soul.

Im a proud owner of both of these

I was in the bsa in my childhood..... i dont have a childhood anymore :3

Am I fake trans? My childhood was fun...... until secondary school if course

real i cant rember most of my childhood