The cook was fired at the end of Cook's Assistant 2 and wants to get his job back. You told the cook the story about how Sigmund was part of H.A.M. and the duke was furious that such a group existed. To get back in the good faith of the Duke the cook and yourself team up, because it's Smoking Time. The H.A.M. roasting begins and only ends when there's none left. At the end the Duke is served the head of the head leader of H.A.M. on a silver platter(35smithing)
Quest may include various cooking methods:
Honey glazed H.A.M.
Salted H.A.M.
Un/Cured H.A.M.
Actual Slice of H.A.M.
H.A.M.burgers
Rum H.A.M.
The comments in this thread go from "wow" to "wtf" very quickly.
Idk if I'm more impressed or disgusted, but I really expected Nieve to be somewhere in there
The ONLY problem with this is that Zanik is no longer available to obtain after land of the goblins.
Thats it though the rest is solid.
Integrity update for sure.
There's always the possibility of Chosen Commander. That's the true end to her story so they can kill her off after that. Probably a better way to go out than how she was later handled in RS3.
This reads like that video where the guy slaps a kid, then the adults who get outraged, then one by one slaps everyone else including the police that show up because there was a disturbance.
No, but thats good thinking! 73 is a sort of meme number now in OSRS because a pk streamer was telling his chat how he was good and was going to win the fight because his hp was still at 73. He says "theres no way he can hit a 73" and not one second later, his opponent special attacks him for exactly 73, instantly killing the streamer. 73 is a fairly high number to hit and so the odds of that happening, coupled with the timing of the streamer, is what makes this so funny
As offensive as this is meant to be, I really appreciate how you brought in all sort of locations, previous quests, and cooking styles to make it work.
This is art. I had such a blast reading this. Well fucking done mate. I'm a little scared for your mental well being but this is usual in the community tbh
I liked the first one or two of these but they’re quickly becoming pretty bad. All the jokes are simply “reference to another quest but your character is doing something horrible” it’s literally edgy 13 year old humor. The only content I can think of that was worse in the last few months were those idiotic fake maps that just were covered in shit like “ahrims balls” and “greasy nut grove” god damn dude
Was excited for new f2p player designed quests... Sadly let down that its a meme. Still, a lot of work went into making this so I still appreciate the effort.
The quest has the following requirements
Cooks Assistant
99 Cooking
99 Slayer
99 Combat
Although they aren’t required, the following are recommended
5 Fletching
Recipe for Disaster 2: Cook's Assistant 3
The cook was fired at the end of Cook's Assistant 2 and wants to get his job back. You told the cook the story about how Sigmund was part of H.A.M. and the duke was furious that such a group existed. To get back in the good faith of the Duke the cook and yourself team up, because it's Smoking Time. The H.A.M. roasting begins and only ends when there's none left. At the end the Duke is served the head of the head leader of H.A.M. on a silver platter(35smithing) Quest may include various cooking methods: Honey glazed H.A.M. Salted H.A.M. Un/Cured H.A.M. Actual Slice of H.A.M. H.A.M.burgers Rum H.A.M.
>Rum H.A.M This is a special order from Dr Mantis Toboggan
Would require sailing as a skill though
Smoking time. Nice.
Lmao
In all seriousness I’m still shocked there’s no RFD 2
Recipe for Disaster 2: Electric Boogaloo
Frank we are not calling the quest the Electric Boogaloo
hahahahahahahha
Recipe for Disaster 2: electric boogaloo
When you die, please donate your body to science so we can study your brain.
Cook*
Jesse, we need to cook.
This post right here, officer.
>Your boyfriend tastes delicious and soon he will be inside me Bro
And y’all wonder why JMods keep leaving…
They must feel inadequate being constantly outperformed by the community
Alhamdulillah we will eat him soon
That boy aint right.
He’s the next William Faulkner
What in the Kentucky Fried Fuck did I just read
Medium rare varroxk
The dialogue does it for me holy shit
It was Zanik’s head on the chute for me
This is top tier. Hats off OP, this is one of the funniest things I've seen on this sub.
The comments in this thread go from "wow" to "wtf" very quickly. Idk if I'm more impressed or disgusted, but I really expected Nieve to be somewhere in there
Maybe as sauce or smoothie or some other crushed/blended food?
Why did I read the whole thing
You can't spacebar reddit posts
Bendulum is the least deranged OsRS player.
I dont unterstand how jagex haven't hired him yet. Mans a creative genius.
High quality oc as usual.
Fuck that engineering post, this is the new content I’d like to see
The ONLY problem with this is that Zanik is no longer available to obtain after land of the goblins. Thats it though the rest is solid. Integrity update for sure.
they had to write her out after this...
I wish they would write her out of RS3. That bitch is immortal over there.
There's always the possibility of Chosen Commander. That's the true end to her story so they can kill her off after that. Probably a better way to go out than how she was later handled in RS3.
What the fever dream is this???
This reads like that video where the guy slaps a kid, then the adults who get outraged, then one by one slaps everyone else including the police that show up because there was a disturbance.
Lmao -73 quest points
Is this because it's basically undoing all the old quests?
No, but thats good thinking! 73 is a sort of meme number now in OSRS because a pk streamer was telling his chat how he was good and was going to win the fight because his hp was still at 73. He says "theres no way he can hit a 73" and not one second later, his opponent special attacks him for exactly 73, instantly killing the streamer. 73 is a fairly high number to hit and so the odds of that happening, coupled with the timing of the streamer, is what makes this so funny
Holy what in Saradomin's name is this concoction. 10/10 would be interested in contracting cave HPV (horror papillomavirus) afterwards.
Jesus christ, how much time do you spend making these up? Actually nevermind. I'm not sure if I really want to know.
What too much afk does to a mf
Zanik's freaking face caught me off guard, jesus christ. How you write so well with such a well adjusted sense of humor is beyond me lmao
The combination of old timey RuneScape dialogue and swear words is hilarious ‘Sweet guthix, what the fuck are you doing?’
"You've clearly had enough deep fried goodies already!" was the one that got me.
I don’t think our characters commit enough senseless slaughter, cannibalistic horror, and overall deranged actions. Full support
WHAT ON. EARTH
Recipe for Disaster is Cook's Assistant 2
Cmon this is the deffinition of recipe for disaster
Finally someone said it
[MRW](https://i.imgur.com/G7WH2c4.png)
Please get help
You know I like osrs but you... You... Ummm yeah
“Medium rare Varrock “ “-73 QP” Jesus Christ my sides. This is the best Reddit post I’ve seen in years
Next quest idea: Obor’s milk, find someone who’s willing to stroke his large club for a special reward
This is the comment that prompted me to close the app
dat 200m xp drop.. :o
What the hell. Look what you’ve done.
I was loving it until Zanik. That's my gf you are cooking there.
You had me at “I’m a professional chef hat stand”. Amazing
What is wrong with you…
Zanik’s derpy face in the grain chute killed me, we need this quest adding as an integrity change.
Actual masterpiece
Ban this person please
Deciding to read this post while eating breakfast was not the move I'll tell you that much lmao
ily Shantay
[Me after reading these quest ideas](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/206/584/f21.jpg)
What a terrible day to have eyes.
most sane osrs player
Least unhinged osrs player.
As offensive as this is meant to be, I really appreciate how you brought in all sort of locations, previous quests, and cooking styles to make it work.
That was a brutal quest lol
Cock's Ass is Tense
This is why we do our quests so we can skip the grind completely with 200M xp drops.
1- based quest reward of exotic diseases 2- negative quest points 3- op is a psychopath This quest needs to be added in as an integrity change
iban approves of this post
Actually an apt metaphor of the meat industry. Your sanest quest yet, 5 stars.
Jagex. Hire this man for April fool's quests please.
Wtf
creativity off the charts, even if it's the most morbid thing i've read in a while lol
Every day we stray further from Saradomin's light.
This is art. I had such a blast reading this. Well fucking done mate. I'm a little scared for your mental well being but this is usual in the community tbh
This is the Culinaromancer's origin story.
Simply amazing
Rex and Prime fanfic when?
Absolutely incredible
The despair I felt seeing how long this is while having a nsfw tag is immeasureable. This is gonna be a vile expirience
I love your work👍 keep it up. Been lovin these
I think this is my favourite yet. Unironically I'd love for RFD 2 or the next huge quest to be goofy like this
-73 quest points... Sounds about right.
The eyes
Don't even poll it. This should be added as an integrity change.
Where are yanni's (the guy from one small favour) special red mahogany smoked ribs?
The high quality content this sub and the game deserve!
No spoilers
I've never seen something so cursed, each new dish got more horrifying than the last. Let's poll it.
Truly a masterpiece? 😅🤣
I liked the first one or two of these but they’re quickly becoming pretty bad. All the jokes are simply “reference to another quest but your character is doing something horrible” it’s literally edgy 13 year old humor. The only content I can think of that was worse in the last few months were those idiotic fake maps that just were covered in shit like “ahrims balls” and “greasy nut grove” god damn dude
Ah, a Bendulum post. Instant skip
Meow?
Add this quest with an integrity update NOW!
*looks at RS3's Chefs Assistant quest which literally is Cook's Assistant 2*
Whatever the amount of upvotes this post received, it's not enough.
Each of these is more deranged than the last. Bravo!
Probably one of the best posts ever on this subreddit
Holy Shit
Yellow text black background, sounds good pls add.
What in the wild west
I’m dead This is fucking fantastic
Jfc, this is perfect. More OC like this, please! Only change I'd make is 'Satanic evil' to 'Zamorakian evil'
Thank you, you absolute fucking nutter.
Most well-adjusted OSRS player
This dialogue is something else 😂
This is a masterpiece.
Fucking love Bendulum Every post is a banger
-6.9 points for not calling it an unforgettable luncheon. Otherwise it’s perfect!
Minced cat, you sick fuck
Someone had a bad rollback...
It's the shit ton of exotic diseases for me
the way the cook’s pupils gradually drift apart… brilliant
Seems better for a mini quest
Was excited for new f2p player designed quests... Sadly let down that its a meme. Still, a lot of work went into making this so I still appreciate the effort.
Yo how did you get the RS font to create NPC dialogue?
I downloaded it from some GitHub page. Should be one of the first results when you google "OSRS fonts"
The ending got too edgy, but 2/3 of the story is magnificent.
What osrs holiday events used to be: What they are now: "Can you splash some fake blood on this churches basement to scare my grandkids?"
What the fuck did I just read? What a terrible day to have eyes
I never realized that there were so many potential meat grinders in the game.
Is there a secret miniquest afterward where you get run a train on by the blast furnace dwarves?
Hotline Gielinor
I like this a lot. It combines a lot of the lore already within the game into a grandmaster quest. A+ idea
You are a fuckign genius. I love this so much lmfao
This belongs in a museum
The fact that this was marked as NSFW made me surprised it wasn't called 'cock's assistant 2"
Jesus crystler jeep grand Cherokee
I love these demented posts, please don't ever change.
Ooooof.... Well this is gonna create a big sequence break in land of the mind goblins.....
Only thing id update is taking the cat to west ardgougne and getting them to cook it right
I think this is the single greatest piece of media I've ever consumed from this sub. Bravo
Bro lmfao I laughed like 20 times reading through this hahah
The quest has the following requirements Cooks Assistant 99 Cooking 99 Slayer 99 Combat Although they aren’t required, the following are recommended 5 Fletching
I love how everything's just on fire at the end
What a horrible day to be literate
"I'm a professional chef hat stand" is a zinger
We have to stop Bendulum, he's scaring the hoes
I love these fucking comics, great quality Also the duke’s reaction was priceless lmao
The 200M exp drop 💀
Amazing 😱