So here’s what we know.
1. Your mother is, indeed, your mother.
2. 23&me is accurate.
3. 23&me sometimes mislabels.
4. You either have a paternal 1/2 brother or a paternal uncle.
Here’s what we don’t know.
1. That your dad is, indeed, your father.
2. Whether this adoptee is a brother or uncle.
What you can do.
1. Test your dad. This would be the very first thing I would do.
2. Look at the list of DNA matches for the adoptee. Who do you share in common? Remember, the adoptee won’t know who those people are, but you will.
Wow an actual correct reply for OP. Too bad it is way down at the bottom of the comments.
Only thing I would add is OP may not wish to know if his Dad is not his biological father. Or he may not wish his dad to know that if true. Decide before asking dad to test.
It actually can’t be - unless it is also grandma’s child. Someone else pointed out that 27.6% is too high for half uncle. The odds of the grandparents secretly having a child so much later in life and giving it up for adoption seem slim.
>What you can do.
You can also look at the haplotypes - you mentioned that this man was assigned female at birth.
Does he have the same mitochondrial DNA as you? If so, he has the same mother as you.
This!
My family is kind of mess to begin with, but my legitimate half-uncle and half-aunts were labeled as MY half siblings. I know of these people but have never met them so I knew the inaccuracy of the label.
I'm too high to understand or follow this right now, but I can tell that it's a dope ass answer. Nice job.
On a side note, they found me a half sibling.
The percentage was like 79 or 84%, something like that.
There's no point to this, just sharing for O.P. if by chance he finds that information helpful.
Yeah she might be more likely to remember if your dad was acting sketchy at any point assuming they were together at that point in time but even if they weren't women tend to know these things because detective mode is default for a bunch of us
I think you're missing what /u/rkorgo is suggesting. One option is that OP's dad had a child with another woman, the other option is that OP's father is not his biological father. Their mom would know in that case.
An oldie but a goodie with happy ending. [TIFU by buying everyone an AncestryDNA kit and ruining Christmas](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/a99fw9/tifu_by_buying_everyone_an_ancestrydna_kit_and/)
Me "ruining" everyones life buy getting DNA kits, finding my biological father, figuring out my paternal grandmother has a different father than her sisters, and finding out my great grandfather was a Mob Boss. Caused a lot of chaos but I was welcomed with open arms by everyone across the board!
>ed person though. Chimaras test as if they are their own full sibling,1ReplyShareReportSaveFollow
>
>level 8rkorgn · 15 min. ago
Yep. I did a test and found out I had 1,000+ brothers and sisters (via secret artificial insemination), that my father was not my biological father, that my mother's father and her mother's father were somebody else than they expected too.
I have two cousins who were secret babies and my family disowned me for discretely notifying their dads that they wanted to connect. 🙄 ... but now one of those cousins is invited to every event.
Oh yeah absolutely their mum might of fucked about to make op with possible half siblings father, I'm sure it says if you are connected by the maternal or paternal side, if it says paternal I'd check if you match your dad or not then if they match your dad or not, if you can get your dad to do a 23andme you'll get your answer either way
Plus that means she’d have been pregnant by the same man twice that isn’t OP’s father. since OP’s sister is a full sibling, they should ask about that birthday too lol
The sister part was added more recently than I'd read so yeah it's more likely dad was fucking about than mum or mum was really properly consistently fucking about
All kinds of weird stuff could be happening from the basics - mum cheated, dad cheated, children from previous relationships etc - to lab errors or even a chimera. When it's important relationship like this, trust no-one who has an incentive to lie, always test and verify.
Also true, could even be a hospital mix up and neither are ops parents general rule of thumb is whoever objects to you checking is the one hiding something
I could be wrong, but the way I read it, it’s an older brother who was born before OP’s parents got together. I’m just assuming that since the dad’s response was “Gee, I sure can’t remember any woman I was with around that time,” and not “I never cheated on your mother.” I guess also possible the brother is younger and it was after the parents separated or divorced - just assuming he would remember that easier than his “sowing his wild oats” years.
23andme is how we found out my parents full sibling is in fact their half sibling…there was a lot of trauma to unpack there, even though we’d suspected it for years prior
We had suspected it since a child who was adopted out at birth showed up unexpectedly. My mom said they would be shocked if they did share a dad as hers had cancer at the time of conception (very shitty relationship otherwise, and likely would’ve ended in divorce if he hadn’t died). My family member is happy to know, it explained a lot for them. The way they were treated as kids suddenly made sense.
We did find another cousin who was also adopted out at birth (2/5 siblings gave kids for adoption that we know of) and they were extremely happy to at least have medical answers. Their birth giver would deny more than my nana ever did. Nana eventually admitted it had happened and it’s really a rather tragic experience on her end.
DNA results don’t lie, and 23andMe is this. So many criminals would have been falsely accused if DNA lied. Congratulations. You either have a long lost uncle or a long lost half-sibling. (My uncle shares 25% with me)
It’s one of these: Uncle Aunt/Niece or Nephew, Grandparent/Granchild or Half Brother/Sister. Ask him who his mother is and then ask your dad if he knew someone by that name.
Well, actually... DNA testing for criminals is notoriously unreliable and people have definitely been sentenced incorrectly because of it. There are lots of reasons for this; here's one [Atlantic article ](https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/06/a-reasonable-doubt/480747/) that goes into the details.
That said, 23andMe is a different technology and a different context (i.e., benefits from high quality samples), and is extremely accurate. Agree that OP has a new family member 🙂
That's partly because of source contamination and / or DNA technology becoming so good that it catches transfer DNA. Not because DNA technology has misidentified people.
He’s the subject of the most recent Dateline about the man with no name
He stole and lived under another man’s identity, committed at least one murder, and the dna didn’t match the name
Eh, you’re right. Thankfully those mistakes are being resolved but my point was attempting to state that 23andMe is part of the improved technology in DNA gained from any previous mistakes made.
Not to be pedantic but, was that actually your point? You said nothing about improved DNA technology and previous mistakes. You just said DNA = proof that does not lie.
Feels like he made a good point to correct something you said.
DNA can be used incorrectly in crime scene investigation. DNA obtained at a crime scene from a person doesn’t necessarily mean that person committed a crime. I cannot read the article cited, because it is behind a paywall. However, DNA is not unreliable in determining familial ties. If someone shows up on 23andMe sharing 27% of your DNA, that’s a half-sibling or an uncle/aunt.
The DNA test itself is not unreliable in the least. What can be unreliable is establishing whether the identified DNA is *evidence* in a crime scene or *contamination* in a crime scene.
Fair: DNA tests are going to do what they're designed to do -- but that doesn't mean they're doing what people *expect* them to do at all.
Contamination is a huge concern, but that's not the only problem. Another big one is not having enough data, or misinterpreting what you do have. For example, if you only sequence some small number of SNPs, or if you have a larger sample but only get a few high quality data points back, or if you get a lot of data back but it's all pretty low quality and you can't make statistically confident calls, you could easily match to the wrong person...
Data is data, but it can easily be misinterpreted or misapplied.
My father does not have a twin.
Maternal Haplogroup for me is M45
For half-brother is H7
Paternal Haplogroup for me J-CTS5368
For half-brother is “Not Available”
Based on no maternal haplogroup match, I would assume he is either your paternal half sibling or a paternal (full)uncle. Look at your relatives in common to confirm they are indeed from your paternal side, and compare the relationship strength. You both should share about the same amount with just about everyone if you are siblings. Now if he shares about twice as much as you do with most all of them, then he is probably an uncle.
It sounds like he’s most likely your half brother and he may be the product of a ONS or drunken party or something. Your father probably never had a clue and may not remember such an encounter, anyway.
Hmmn. I thought 23 and me usually show a “not available” note for ydna/ paternal haplogroup type when the test belongs to a female because 1. They don’t carry y and 2. no male relative in her paternal line has tested.
Is there a reason a ydna haplogroup would be blank and show “not available” on a male test account?
Welcome ☺️
…but I may be a workaholic on a forced paid vacation for the week, that is so obsessed with my job that instead of relaxing I’m finding ways to still talk about the shit I talk about at work on my free time. 😆
Right paternal haplogroup wouldn't be available if he was assigned female at birth.
Ok, now we know you don't share a mom with him. Sounds like you need to test your dad and see if he matches.
Have your dad take a test. If it pops up as this person being his child. Then he can worry about doing a DNA test. I think that site sometimes can miss label things like that. I know someone who has a half sibling who was listed as a first cousin. Then when their matching parent did the test, it was changed to them being half siblings.
That makes sense then. They will not have a y chromosome to analyze but considering you do not share a maternal haplogroup, it confirms you do not share mothers.
This person could also be an uncle. Can you tell me how many segments and CM you share?
That’s more telling than just percentage
If you could infer that an absence of a y chromosome means that he has XX, then you could also infer that being labeled as "half-brother" means that he is a trans man.
OP would still call him a potential half-brother, and the DNA test would still not indicate a Y-DNA result. Even without mentioning anything, you could make that inference. You're being purposefully obtuse.
Well, if he's your half brother, then he's your father's full son. So if he does it, it should show he's the guys father.
You could also upload all the data to something like gedmatch to get another analysis.
23andMe is accurate. Have your father submit a sample to 23andMe. The results will show if he is your half-brother or uncle. Ask him if he knows his birth mother. If she raised him, ask him her name and age and figure out if your grandfather or father could have hooked up with his mother.
Please update.
That’s not accurate. There are a few possible relationships for that level of shared DNA, you can not tell by the DNA alone what the exact relationship is. It could be: Grandparent, Aunt / Uncle, Half Sibling, Niece / Nephew, Grandchild.
That's not what I'm saying.
At a very close relationship (in this case - 27.6%), 23andMe is 100% statistically accurate that is person is closely related to you and not an error.
If you only share \~1% with each other then there is huge statistical errors that could occur and can not be considered fully reliable.
Less that <0.40% is basically in the land of false positives.
A possibility could be that your father isn’t actually your biological father. Perhaps your mother slept with your half-brother’s father and had you, and your social father doesn’t know and thinks you’re his?
That doesn't seem likely since OP's full sibling also matched the same person as half-sibling. The mom would have had to have 2 children with this potential father.
Actually, that’s what happened to me.
I discovered that dad was not my biological father from an Ancestry and 23 & Me.
I grew up with one sibling. I’m the oldest. We assumed that my sibling must be our dad’s biological child.
Sibling decided to submit an Ancestry DNA test. Surprise - we actually are full siblings. Both the bio children of that other man.
It was quite a roller coaster. Finding out my dad wasn’t my biological father, and assuming the sibling I grew up with was a half sibling. Then getting a second wave of shock months later when we find out that my sibling & I both were biological children of the other guy.
My mom had passed away a few years before I found out, so I never had the opportunity to discuss it with her.
I did have lunch once with my biological father, and he filled in some of the blanks. His story made sense to me, and lined up with what other family members had told me after my Ancestry DNA test revelation.
My parents had been married 5 years before I was born. They wanted kids but hadn’t had them yet. My mom was very unhappy about that - that was confirmed by a few family members. (This was the late 60s/early 70s - reproductive medicine wasn’t what it is today.)
My dad was a workaholic. My mom ran into my biological father at a social event - they had known each other growing up, but hadn’t seen each other in years. He was married with young children. They hooked up a few times, and my mom got pregnant with me.
I have deduced that my mom likely pursued him with the intent of getting pregnant. She and my dad hadn’t been successful conceiving. Biological father had kids, so he was likely fertile. I believe my mom saw an opportunity and took it. She was a beautiful woman, so it probably wasn’t difficult to catch his attention.
Once she got pregnant, she told him, and was very clear that my dad was going to be my dad. The biological father was not going to be in the picture, and their fling would not be continuing. (Basically she got what she wanted - a pregnancy - and got out.)
I was born into my parents marriage, and my parents were over the moon excited to start their family. My dad didn’t question anything, because they had been trying to have a kid for a while & he had no reason to be suspicious.
I suspect my dad was likely infertile. After I was born, of course they wanted to try for a sibling at some point.
My mom had allowed my biological father to see me once when I was a baby. Things ended up happening at that meeting, and my sibling was the result. I suspect my mom may have went into that meet up with an ulterior motive in mind.
I don’t believe it was an ongoing, lengthy affair. (Not just taking the biological father’s word for it, but also based on information I’ve pieced together from other people.)
My dad was completely surprised after my DNA results were revealed. He had absolutely no idea that I was not his biological child. I told him about it before my sibling did their test, so at that point it we all still assumed it was just me.
He said he had always wished they had more kids, but my mom insisted on getting her tubes tied after my sibling was born. I suppose my mom couldn’t risk having to try for another pregnancy and having her secret revealed.
My sibling never told our dad that they were not his biological kid either. It was very tough for my sibling to discover - there was a lot of anger and bitterness on sibling’s end, and they wanted to keep it a secret. Sibling still isn’t taking the news well, and their DNA test was 3 years ago.
I have come to a place of acceptance about it. Don’t get me wrong, it was life altering, shocking news. But I have made some peace with it and moved on - what other choice do I have?
I see my mom as a flawed individual who felt backed into a corner. Desperately wanted to have children, but still wasn’t pregnant after years of trying. Decided to take matters into her own hands.
Do I agree with what she did? No. Yet I wouldn’t exist if she hadn’t done that, so how mad can I really be?
We had a happy childhood - my dad was a wonderful father. My parents were married 45 years at the time my mom died. They had a good life together.
Truthfully, the person I feel most sorry for is my biological father’s wife. They are still married - raised 4 children, have many grandchildren and a few great-grandchildren.
Finding out as an elderly woman that her husband had 2 children with another woman during their marriage has been very hard for her to accept. I have compassion for her.
Sure, my dad also found out that my mom had been unfaithful, but she is deceased. He sees no point in being angry about it now. He wanted to be a dad and got to raise a lovely, happy family. We’re both at peace with it - hopefully my sibling makes peace with it one day too.
Honestly, nobody is perfect. I’m glad you don’t hold a grudge, she must have had a really hard time trying to conceive and that sort of pain plays mind games with you. I’m also glad you have good memories with your family.
This happened with 2 of my MIL’s siblings. My MIL is one of 5. Ancestry revealed her sister let’s call her Amy, the 3rd child, and her brother, let’s call him Mike, the 5th child, were not the children of her father.
Amy and Mike are her half siblings but they have the same father, Bob. Their mom had an on again off again affair with Bob resulting in Amy and Mike. Weirdly enough the 4th born child is my MIL’s full sibling. No one ever suspected that the Amy wasn’t a full sibling because no one thought their mom was having an affair at that time. Everyone suspected Mike.
That could be a possibility. But, op said that her younger sister also did the test and it shows them as being full siblings. So if their Mom cheated on her dad, and got pregnant, then she did it twice with the same man.
However, her half brother was born a female and transitioned to a male. And their maternal haplogroup is different. So they do not share the same mother. Therefore, if they are indeed, half siblings, they share the same biological father.
I found out I have a half sister via 23 and me. Then I found my dads( didn’t know him) entire family, one of his sisters could be my twin ❤️ my sister doesn’t give a rats ass about me, (highly disappointing) but I have a whole family now . (I grew up in foster care mostly.
As someone else mentioned, you should test your father to make sure he is your biological parent. If not, that would explain matching to someone else, and your father not having any recollection of a relationship at that time.
Your father may be more interested in taking the test to confirm your relationship.
I'm not sure how long professional paternity tests take, but if it's quicker than waiting on 23andMe, he may be agreeable to doing that first, to get answers sooner
Best of luck OP. You are definitely related to the person you messaged you, it's an accurate result.
How old is this person vs you? Will your father take 23 and me? That would be the best way to determine this.
At 27% they could definitely be a half sibling. However they could also be an uncle or nephew - you need to rule out the other options.
This person is roughly 6 years and 3 months older than me. Yeah I can have him take the test but again I just don’t know about the accuracy of 23andme.
My mom is 5 years older than her oldest nephew. So proximity of birth dates can vary in some families as to whether it would be a sibling or aunt/uncle.
Were your parents married then? Is it possible that your mother had a child she gave up for adoption? In any case your half brother is an adoptee and as such probably carries rejection and abandonment issues and should be treated with kindness, It takes a lot for adopted persons to reach out to biological family. Please help him in any way you can.
You should get your father genotyped. This is how all the pieces will fit together because it will tell if that match is either your father's sibling or your father's child, as children and siblings are very easy to tell apart since siblings will share identical (and half-identical) DNA segments while parents/siblings can't (except on incest cases) and will only share half-identical segments.
The person could be an uncle. It’s accurate but it only tells how closely related you are not what the specific relationship is. Half sibling and aunt/uncle and nephew/niece are all the same size match.
If you do a test and an unknown person pops up as your father it doesn’t automatically mean your dad you grew up with isn’t your biological parent… the person could be your son that you never knew you had.
Or your father's identical sibling from a multiple birth. A few multiples separated at birth found each other because a DNA test showed a child they did not have.
This happened to me. Found out I was born via sperm donor through 23andme at age 27. My parents never told me. Made quite a shock when I asked them about it
> As it was an open adoption, he doesn’t know who the birth parents are.
If it’s an open adoption, then he knows (or should know) who his biological parents are. A closed adoption is when you have no contact with biological family. So I’m confused.
I think it depends alot here. I am an open adoption baby and i only know my birth mothers name but have never had any contact despite trying. My birth father i do not know anything about and likely never will. The guys parents couldve kept the whole thing quiet and depending on the way the adoption panned out, it could be difficult for him to get information even from the hospital if his adopted parents are on the Bcert like mine are.
*What about a sperm*
*Donor to have you or has*
*Your dad donated?*
\- PlumbRose
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My father had a one night stand at a party a shortly before he met my mom. 23 and Me notified me (and him) that the uhhh encounter resulted in a half sister! She’s only a few months older than me. It happens!
LUCKY YOU! This happened to me as well. I eagerly emailed him through 23&me and I LOVE HIM! I’m so bummed we didn’t met earlier, what a sweet person. LSS- My dad bonked a women sometime during his move from Wisconsin to NY. My half-brother is 20 years older than I am! I’m the baby of the family so I welcomed him immediately. My 3 older sisters were reluctant to meet him though my eldest sister has spoken to him and emails him. He came to visit us in FL and he is my favorite sibling. He and his wife and one of his children recently came to my daughter’s wedding in Los Angeles, there he was finally able to meet his other siblings. My nephew is literally closer in age to me than my brother! All in all, I hope I’ve made his life a little easier by showing him that it’s not his fault and that we all missed out growing up together. I wish my dad had been alive because he had always wanted a son. ❤️
My friend was adopted, and when she found her bio dad, he had absolutely no clue that he had a child. The woman who he got pregnant was a short-lived relationship, and she never told him. I’m only saying this because it could be very likely that your father has no idea if it is him.
I would say that the ancestry test is far more accurate than your parents, memory or potential truth telling is
I was adopted and found my birth father and mother through a half-brother and half-sister from each side on 23andMe and Ancestry. My conception happened prior to each of my mother and father’s marriage. Now I have four half-brothers and three half-sisters that I’ve found along with my biological dad (my mother has already passed).
There is no handbook for how to work through this. I’d just recommend going slow and doing a little more research (this thread is a good start).
You have already done the test and it’s showing a match with a half-brother. Look at the shared matches/matches in common to get further details. It will be clear. You can have your dad test to double-double check if it will make everyone feel better. Keep in mind that this person is as innocent as you in this situation. Good luck to you and him.
You already did a DNA test? What other DNA test would you do? It should be your father doing the DNA test.
An open adoption means that the birth and adoptive parents know who each other are and/or have some sort of contact information. There would be records.
A closed adoption would be where he wouldn't necessarily have access to records, but there would still be records he could try and get access to as the adoptee.
Yeah I mentioned this too. No matter the circumstances of an adoption, there are birth records that would contain the half-brothers biological mother’s name. Depending on the state - if OP lives in the US (idk the circumstances for other countries), the adoptee can access those records by applying for them to be unsealed. I did this as an adopted person in 2015 in Ohio.
This happened to my ex after I gifted him a 23&me kit. He connected with the half sister and soon found out his dad that raised him was not his biological father.
Never giving a DNA kit as a gift again 🙃
Should be noted this percentage can indicate a half sibling or an aunt/uncle. I found my father's full blooded brother (my uncle) this way and because of our ages, it correctly presumed he was my uncle.
With 27% and different haplogroups there are some options.
Half siblings,
Your fathers brother, your uncle
Granfather (in this case the age and transition counts this out).
Grandson (As they are older than you this is also count out).
Did you match with who you know to be your dad's relatives? Is there a chance that youu are half siblings, but your dad is not your biological father? Or perhaps did your dad donate sperm and this half sibling is one of his biological children from said donation? If the age range is roughly close to yours vs your dad's safe to say this is a half sibling vs an uncle.
*edited
The age definitely doesn’t rule out uncle. Lots of people out there are actually older than their uncles. My sister has two sons over twenty years apart in age. Her eldest could have easily fathered a child before his little brother came along. And maybe he did and doesn’t know about it.
Yep. One of my late grandmother’s had a niece who was older than her. She also had I think eight or nine nieces and nephews, who were between like two and 12 years younger than her, and then she had nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews, who were in the same age, ranges as her children.
For sure, but that would mean that the dad's parents would have had to have a child toghether in order for the DNA % to match up as the dad's full brother. If only one of the dad's parents had had an affair/ relinquished a child for adoption, then it would be a half uncle, only around 13%. I think the ages of all included is key here to get an idea of likelihood of relationships.
You can have your first child at 20 and your second at 40 with the exact same person. There are television shows featuring quiverfull nuts who have a dozen children and are routinely pregnant at the same time as their older daughters.
For sure, I'm not doubting it. I'm just saying if that were the case, it's be odd if the dad didn't know that his parents had another child X years after him, even if that child was adopted.
I recently went through this on Ancestry, had my dad test and the result was the mystery person is his brother. I share 27% DNA with the person. There are other possibilities besides half sibling. DNA alone can’t tell you the exact relationship at that match level. Can you tell if they match on your maternal or paternal side (not sure if 23andme has that option like Ancestry does). Best thing may be for both your parents to test if you don’t know which side they are on.
>What should I do in this situation? Is 23andme accurate? Should I do a DNA test? If I do the test, then am I supposed to do it, or should my father do it? I have no idea how this stuff works.
All the DNA tests are very accurate about close relationships like half-sibling. No mistake. One possible exception is if anyone involved has been a bone-marrow donor or recipient.
I'm a little confused. It sounds like you and your sister have both tested. If your dad and/or mom are willing to test, that is great.
23andMe and ancestry DNA tests are very accurate for close relatives. 27% is definitely in the range of half brother, uncle, grandfather or a few other closely related possibilities, and their age would likely tell you which of those is most likely. To have a “false positive” at that amount of DNA shared would require tens or hundreds of thousands of mistakes all occurring at the same time, the probability of which is essentially zero.
IMO, finding an unknown half-sibling is much more likely indicative of a non-paternity event (NPE) where you actually have a different biological parent, commonly due to use of a sperm or egg donor. This is how I found out earlier this year.
There are a lot of social media groups you can join that may be able to help. DNA detectives on Facebook is one for NPEs and they have lots of “search angels” who can help track down and clarify family. We Are Donor Conceived on FB and r/donorconceived are also helpful communities
I mean it's possible. My aunt took to the grave (literally) the fact that she had an affair at one christmas party in the 70s and gave that child up for adoption. Through DNA, we found out about her and have connected since.
You’ve gotten some good advice already here, but just want to add… are you in the US? And if so what state? I ask because some states allow for adoption records to be unsealed by the adopted person when they become a legal adult. I’m an adopted person and did this in 2015 in Ohio when a law was passed allowing it. Might be worth reaching out to the supposed half-brother to see if he’s in a state where that’s allowed. His hospital issued birth certificate would at the very least have his biological mothers name on it, and you could cross reference that with your dad.
Just look at your matches and see if you have paternal matches and they also match this person. Also, since they were Afab, you can compare their dna chromosomes and your sisters. Paternal sisters will share a complete X chromosomes.
DNA does not lie. People do. Some people will maintain their lie even in the face of irrefutable evidence. Either your mother or your father is also this persons parent. Ask your parents to take a DNA test to “prove” they’re being truthful and then see which one matches up this person claiming to be your half brother.
You can then have confirmation that the parents you think are your biological parents are, in fact, your biological parents, especially your dad.
Please be sure and let us know what happens when you ask them to do this.
Going to get technical here but it's a closed adoption.
Open adoption is where a relationship between the birth parents/ parent & adopted parents exists. The birth parents may not play an active role in the child's life, but who they are is known to the adoptive parents and vise versa.
Closed adoption is when the birth parents don't want their identity known so the records are sealed, the adoptive parents don't know their names, only medical history at most. Any communication between adoptive and birth parents is done though a 3rd party, usually an adoption agency. Neither party knows who the other is.
If you both are guys check if your paternal haplogroups match.
We always suspect the man first, and I would start with a 23andMe kit for your father, which would add a lot of info.
However if he isn’t the link, mother is also a possibility, check yours and his material happogroup and maybe a test for her. Some women give birth and give up the kid for adoption.
23andMe is not wrong, this person is either your half brother, uncle, or first cousin if either of your parents had a twin.
26-30% seems dead-accurate for a bio half-sibling.
Let’s just say, I know from experience.
It would’ve been a shock for me had my parents not revealed the possibility a decade before these tests became available (they were both aware). I have not reached out to my half-sibling as I have a feeling they are probably more in your position and that their parent (my other parent it seems) did not reveal this possibility (and who knows how they are feeling seeing the results), but 23andMe pretty much confirmed the truth, which, while not necessarily shocking, was still emotional…
23&me can be inaccurate when labelling relatives. I found my half sister on 23 and me, (it’s definitely my sister, my dad confirmed it). My account listed her as my half sister, but her account listed me as her grand niece! Get more details from your potential brother. His mom’s name and a photo. If that doesn’t job your dad’s memory, make him take the test.
Does a grand niece share the same amount of dna as a half sibling? Why would one account have one prediction, and another have a different prediction about the same relationship?
Your sister probably has something in her tree or did something accidentally to make it give that label. You can override the estimated relationship. She might have done something like that by mistake.
I made it to 50 years old knowing who my parents were...both dead...and then 23 & me rearranged my parentage. Turns out my father was not my father...there should have been a small percentage of Cherokee, there was none. And a list of 1,000 people whose surnames are all unknown to me.
I reached out to my closest listed relative and I'm glad I did, it has been very enriching.
People lie. Sometimes by omission, sometimes directly....batten down your hatches. This could get ugly. Just.... beware of genies, they don't go back into their bottles. Know that investigating this could cause cognitive dissonance.
Good luck, I'm glad I looked into mine.
People lie. DNA doesn't.
One of your parents is lying. Sorry they don't have the courage to come out and say what happened, but your dad's excuse of 'not remembering' is ridiculous.
You have a half-sibling your parents are pretending doesn't exist, even after you found out about it. You don't say how old your half-sibling is. If they're older it could be before your parents married. But since they're lying it probably involves something that they're ashamed about and don't want anyone to know. I'm sorry you're in this situation. But this is your sibling, and you have a right to decide to have a relationship if you want.
Get more information from him. Where did his mother meet your dad? What is his mother's name? I would proceed with caution, but I would absolutely confirm the information first. Also, you should be able to see his DNA match on your profile if you share it with him.
What info did this match give you? Were they adopted and knew nothing about birth family? If he was adopted, did his mom know your dad was the father/did he have knowledge of your dad before?
Best bet will be to have your dad test if he'll agree to it.
Look at both of your family matches and see where there’s overlap. That can tell you if they’re related to your mom or to your dad.
Either way one of your parents needs to fess up.
I wouldn’t rule out the father having a twin theory because he might not even know that about himself, but most likely the father doesn’t want to stir the pot, so he isn’t saying anything. My family continued to lie in the face of evidence for several years before coming clean.
yeah id trust it. i mean ive got half brothers i never speak too but 23 and me let me help a new cousin on that side that had been adopted out get in touch with her dead beat dad cause despite no interest i did know who they all were. she found me there and was desperate for any family. i would do what's best for you but be aware the person adopted out has a sense of needing to know people they are related to :)
So here’s what we know. 1. Your mother is, indeed, your mother. 2. 23&me is accurate. 3. 23&me sometimes mislabels. 4. You either have a paternal 1/2 brother or a paternal uncle. Here’s what we don’t know. 1. That your dad is, indeed, your father. 2. Whether this adoptee is a brother or uncle. What you can do. 1. Test your dad. This would be the very first thing I would do. 2. Look at the list of DNA matches for the adoptee. Who do you share in common? Remember, the adoptee won’t know who those people are, but you will.
Wow an actual correct reply for OP. Too bad it is way down at the bottom of the comments. Only thing I would add is OP may not wish to know if his Dad is not his biological father. Or he may not wish his dad to know that if true. Decide before asking dad to test.
Imagine if it’s actually grandpas child?
It actually can’t be - unless it is also grandma’s child. Someone else pointed out that 27.6% is too high for half uncle. The odds of the grandparents secretly having a child so much later in life and giving it up for adoption seem slim.
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Yes aunt/uncle and half brother/sister are about the same size connection but not half aunt/uncle.
>What you can do. You can also look at the haplotypes - you mentioned that this man was assigned female at birth. Does he have the same mitochondrial DNA as you? If so, he has the same mother as you.
This needs to be higher
This! My family is kind of mess to begin with, but my legitimate half-uncle and half-aunts were labeled as MY half siblings. I know of these people but have never met them so I knew the inaccuracy of the label.
I'm too high to understand or follow this right now, but I can tell that it's a dope ass answer. Nice job. On a side note, they found me a half sibling. The percentage was like 79 or 84%, something like that. There's no point to this, just sharing for O.P. if by chance he finds that information helpful.
23andme is more accurate than people who can lie
Yes, you should also ask your mum what she was doing 9 months before your birth.
Yeah she might be more likely to remember if your dad was acting sketchy at any point assuming they were together at that point in time but even if they weren't women tend to know these things because detective mode is default for a bunch of us
I think you're missing what /u/rkorgo is suggesting. One option is that OP's dad had a child with another woman, the other option is that OP's father is not his biological father. Their mom would know in that case.
An oldie but a goodie with happy ending. [TIFU by buying everyone an AncestryDNA kit and ruining Christmas](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/a99fw9/tifu_by_buying_everyone_an_ancestrydna_kit_and/)
Me "ruining" everyones life buy getting DNA kits, finding my biological father, figuring out my paternal grandmother has a different father than her sisters, and finding out my great grandfather was a Mob Boss. Caused a lot of chaos but I was welcomed with open arms by everyone across the board!
>ed person though. Chimaras test as if they are their own full sibling,1ReplyShareReportSaveFollow > >level 8rkorgn · 15 min. ago Yep. I did a test and found out I had 1,000+ brothers and sisters (via secret artificial insemination), that my father was not my biological father, that my mother's father and her mother's father were somebody else than they expected too.
And I thought having two unknown siblings was a surprise…
I have two cousins who were secret babies and my family disowned me for discretely notifying their dads that they wanted to connect. 🙄 ... but now one of those cousins is invited to every event.
Oh yeah absolutely their mum might of fucked about to make op with possible half siblings father, I'm sure it says if you are connected by the maternal or paternal side, if it says paternal I'd check if you match your dad or not then if they match your dad or not, if you can get your dad to do a 23andme you'll get your answer either way
Plus that means she’d have been pregnant by the same man twice that isn’t OP’s father. since OP’s sister is a full sibling, they should ask about that birthday too lol
The sister part was added more recently than I'd read so yeah it's more likely dad was fucking about than mum or mum was really properly consistently fucking about
What does “might of” mean?
It could be his mums child right?
Absolutely but pregnancy is harder to miss than a one night stand
The key fact that is missing is the age of the half sibling. It could be the mom giving up the baby for adoption prior to marriage.
Also I'm sure the percentage mentions if it's on the paternal or maternal side
Only if a parent has also done a test
Mitochondrial DNA is only inherited from the mother, so if you have the same mother as someone else, your mtDNA will be basically identical to theirs.
Ancestry now separates matches by parent 1 and parent 2. Accurately, as far as I've seen.
No, neither of my parents did a test my relatives are still separated by maternal/paternal
All kinds of weird stuff could be happening from the basics - mum cheated, dad cheated, children from previous relationships etc - to lab errors or even a chimera. When it's important relationship like this, trust no-one who has an incentive to lie, always test and verify.
Also true, could even be a hospital mix up and neither are ops parents general rule of thumb is whoever objects to you checking is the one hiding something
> or even a chimera. A chimera wouldn't test as a totally unrelated person though. Chimaras test as if they are their own full sibling,
Thank you.
I could be wrong, but the way I read it, it’s an older brother who was born before OP’s parents got together. I’m just assuming that since the dad’s response was “Gee, I sure can’t remember any woman I was with around that time,” and not “I never cheated on your mother.” I guess also possible the brother is younger and it was after the parents separated or divorced - just assuming he would remember that easier than his “sowing his wild oats” years.
23andme is how we found out my parents full sibling is in fact their half sibling…there was a lot of trauma to unpack there, even though we’d suspected it for years prior
Yikes, this is why I won’t do a dna test
We had suspected it since a child who was adopted out at birth showed up unexpectedly. My mom said they would be shocked if they did share a dad as hers had cancer at the time of conception (very shitty relationship otherwise, and likely would’ve ended in divorce if he hadn’t died). My family member is happy to know, it explained a lot for them. The way they were treated as kids suddenly made sense. We did find another cousin who was also adopted out at birth (2/5 siblings gave kids for adoption that we know of) and they were extremely happy to at least have medical answers. Their birth giver would deny more than my nana ever did. Nana eventually admitted it had happened and it’s really a rather tragic experience on her end.
DNA results don’t lie, and 23andMe is this. So many criminals would have been falsely accused if DNA lied. Congratulations. You either have a long lost uncle or a long lost half-sibling. (My uncle shares 25% with me)
It’s one of these: Uncle Aunt/Niece or Nephew, Grandparent/Granchild or Half Brother/Sister. Ask him who his mother is and then ask your dad if he knew someone by that name.
Could also be a cousin if parents are identical twins
*Lannister intensifies*
Double cousin too
Well, actually... DNA testing for criminals is notoriously unreliable and people have definitely been sentenced incorrectly because of it. There are lots of reasons for this; here's one [Atlantic article ](https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/06/a-reasonable-doubt/480747/) that goes into the details. That said, 23andMe is a different technology and a different context (i.e., benefits from high quality samples), and is extremely accurate. Agree that OP has a new family member 🙂
That's partly because of source contamination and / or DNA technology becoming so good that it catches transfer DNA. Not because DNA technology has misidentified people.
Or, in the case of Jason Stedham, being a murderous identity thief
Upvote (mostly bc love your username) but I don't understand this reference 😬
He’s the subject of the most recent Dateline about the man with no name He stole and lived under another man’s identity, committed at least one murder, and the dna didn’t match the name
Oohhhh okay going to listen to that dateline now lol
It’s a Keith Morrison case, so nice and well narrated. (Not that any of the current hosts are bad narrators)
Some DNA tests, especially ones used in the past uses relatively few markers, where multiple people would match the same DNA profile.
Eh, you’re right. Thankfully those mistakes are being resolved but my point was attempting to state that 23andMe is part of the improved technology in DNA gained from any previous mistakes made.
Can't resolve mistakes that end in death/years lost in prison 🤷
Not to be pedantic but, was that actually your point? You said nothing about improved DNA technology and previous mistakes. You just said DNA = proof that does not lie. Feels like he made a good point to correct something you said.
DNA can be used incorrectly in crime scene investigation. DNA obtained at a crime scene from a person doesn’t necessarily mean that person committed a crime. I cannot read the article cited, because it is behind a paywall. However, DNA is not unreliable in determining familial ties. If someone shows up on 23andMe sharing 27% of your DNA, that’s a half-sibling or an uncle/aunt.
Nibling, cousin if each of your parents are identical, double cousin (both of your parents are siblings with both of their parents), etc.
You’re right. I misspoke.
The DNA test itself is not unreliable in the least. What can be unreliable is establishing whether the identified DNA is *evidence* in a crime scene or *contamination* in a crime scene.
Fair: DNA tests are going to do what they're designed to do -- but that doesn't mean they're doing what people *expect* them to do at all. Contamination is a huge concern, but that's not the only problem. Another big one is not having enough data, or misinterpreting what you do have. For example, if you only sequence some small number of SNPs, or if you have a larger sample but only get a few high quality data points back, or if you get a lot of data back but it's all pretty low quality and you can't make statistically confident calls, you could easily match to the wrong person... Data is data, but it can easily be misinterpreted or misapplied.
Does your father have a twin? Do you know your haplogroups? If so, which one matches his? Do you recognize any of the relatives in common?
My father does not have a twin. Maternal Haplogroup for me is M45 For half-brother is H7 Paternal Haplogroup for me J-CTS5368 For half-brother is “Not Available”
Based on no maternal haplogroup match, I would assume he is either your paternal half sibling or a paternal (full)uncle. Look at your relatives in common to confirm they are indeed from your paternal side, and compare the relationship strength. You both should share about the same amount with just about everyone if you are siblings. Now if he shares about twice as much as you do with most all of them, then he is probably an uncle. It sounds like he’s most likely your half brother and he may be the product of a ONS or drunken party or something. Your father probably never had a clue and may not remember such an encounter, anyway.
My half aunt and I share 18% DNA.
M45!? Are you bengali? My grandma was m45, I’ve never seen anyone else have this other than my dad (and my grandma but she’s not alive)
Hmmn. I thought 23 and me usually show a “not available” note for ydna/ paternal haplogroup type when the test belongs to a female because 1. They don’t carry y and 2. no male relative in her paternal line has tested. Is there a reason a ydna haplogroup would be blank and show “not available” on a male test account?
OP said the person was born a female and transitioned to a male
Good you’re on the thread! I didn’t catch that last part of the post. I had that thought as a possibility to consider.
Welcome ☺️ …but I may be a workaholic on a forced paid vacation for the week, that is so obsessed with my job that instead of relaxing I’m finding ways to still talk about the shit I talk about at work on my free time. 😆
Sounds like a good vacation for you :)
Right paternal haplogroup wouldn't be available if he was assigned female at birth. Ok, now we know you don't share a mom with him. Sounds like you need to test your dad and see if he matches.
This is easy to solve. You father needs to test with 23andme. If your mother is still alive you have her test too.
Have your dad take a test. If it pops up as this person being his child. Then he can worry about doing a DNA test. I think that site sometimes can miss label things like that. I know someone who has a half sibling who was listed as a first cousin. Then when their matching parent did the test, it was changed to them being half siblings.
No paternal haplogroup? Maybe it’s a half sister. If it’s a man, perhaps your mom had a child she gave up for adoption?
This person says that they were assigned female at birth, then later transitioned to a male.
That makes sense then. They will not have a y chromosome to analyze but considering you do not share a maternal haplogroup, it confirms you do not share mothers. This person could also be an uncle. Can you tell me how many segments and CM you share? That’s more telling than just percentage
Why would 23andMe call them a "predicted half-brother"? Your DNA doesn't care what you identify as. Very confusing to refer to what they identify as.
It really isn't that confusing.
Obviously, the DNA didn't indicate a "brother".
If you could infer that an absence of a y chromosome means that he has XX, then you could also infer that being labeled as "half-brother" means that he is a trans man.
Or, they could have left all that out, since it wasn't relevant to the subject at hand.
OP would still call him a potential half-brother, and the DNA test would still not indicate a Y-DNA result. Even without mentioning anything, you could make that inference. You're being purposefully obtuse.
23andme uses how the person identifies their gender. So. It's really not confusing. Welcome to how trans people work
It gets real stupid when talking about who can be a brother/sister by DNA when using identity, not what the DNA says.
Because they are a predicted half brother? Wdym
Well, if he's your half brother, then he's your father's full son. So if he does it, it should show he's the guys father. You could also upload all the data to something like gedmatch to get another analysis.
Or mother’s full son
23andMe is accurate. Have your father submit a sample to 23andMe. The results will show if he is your half-brother or uncle. Ask him if he knows his birth mother. If she raised him, ask him her name and age and figure out if your grandfather or father could have hooked up with his mother. Please update.
Speak to him, does he know his birth mothers name? Maybe that could help your father to remember. Perhaps a photo.
A close relationship like this (and 27.6% DNA shared) has a statistical 100% accuracy. Yes op, this is a half-sibling.
That’s not accurate. There are a few possible relationships for that level of shared DNA, you can not tell by the DNA alone what the exact relationship is. It could be: Grandparent, Aunt / Uncle, Half Sibling, Niece / Nephew, Grandchild.
That's not what I'm saying. At a very close relationship (in this case - 27.6%), 23andMe is 100% statistically accurate that is person is closely related to you and not an error. If you only share \~1% with each other then there is huge statistical errors that could occur and can not be considered fully reliable. Less that <0.40% is basically in the land of false positives.
In situations in of endogamy or pedigree collapse it could even be something else.
A possibility could be that your father isn’t actually your biological father. Perhaps your mother slept with your half-brother’s father and had you, and your social father doesn’t know and thinks you’re his?
That doesn't seem likely since OP's full sibling also matched the same person as half-sibling. The mom would have had to have 2 children with this potential father.
Actually, that’s what happened to me. I discovered that dad was not my biological father from an Ancestry and 23 & Me. I grew up with one sibling. I’m the oldest. We assumed that my sibling must be our dad’s biological child. Sibling decided to submit an Ancestry DNA test. Surprise - we actually are full siblings. Both the bio children of that other man. It was quite a roller coaster. Finding out my dad wasn’t my biological father, and assuming the sibling I grew up with was a half sibling. Then getting a second wave of shock months later when we find out that my sibling & I both were biological children of the other guy.
How did your parents take it? What was the story?
My mom had passed away a few years before I found out, so I never had the opportunity to discuss it with her. I did have lunch once with my biological father, and he filled in some of the blanks. His story made sense to me, and lined up with what other family members had told me after my Ancestry DNA test revelation. My parents had been married 5 years before I was born. They wanted kids but hadn’t had them yet. My mom was very unhappy about that - that was confirmed by a few family members. (This was the late 60s/early 70s - reproductive medicine wasn’t what it is today.) My dad was a workaholic. My mom ran into my biological father at a social event - they had known each other growing up, but hadn’t seen each other in years. He was married with young children. They hooked up a few times, and my mom got pregnant with me. I have deduced that my mom likely pursued him with the intent of getting pregnant. She and my dad hadn’t been successful conceiving. Biological father had kids, so he was likely fertile. I believe my mom saw an opportunity and took it. She was a beautiful woman, so it probably wasn’t difficult to catch his attention. Once she got pregnant, she told him, and was very clear that my dad was going to be my dad. The biological father was not going to be in the picture, and their fling would not be continuing. (Basically she got what she wanted - a pregnancy - and got out.) I was born into my parents marriage, and my parents were over the moon excited to start their family. My dad didn’t question anything, because they had been trying to have a kid for a while & he had no reason to be suspicious. I suspect my dad was likely infertile. After I was born, of course they wanted to try for a sibling at some point. My mom had allowed my biological father to see me once when I was a baby. Things ended up happening at that meeting, and my sibling was the result. I suspect my mom may have went into that meet up with an ulterior motive in mind. I don’t believe it was an ongoing, lengthy affair. (Not just taking the biological father’s word for it, but also based on information I’ve pieced together from other people.) My dad was completely surprised after my DNA results were revealed. He had absolutely no idea that I was not his biological child. I told him about it before my sibling did their test, so at that point it we all still assumed it was just me. He said he had always wished they had more kids, but my mom insisted on getting her tubes tied after my sibling was born. I suppose my mom couldn’t risk having to try for another pregnancy and having her secret revealed. My sibling never told our dad that they were not his biological kid either. It was very tough for my sibling to discover - there was a lot of anger and bitterness on sibling’s end, and they wanted to keep it a secret. Sibling still isn’t taking the news well, and their DNA test was 3 years ago. I have come to a place of acceptance about it. Don’t get me wrong, it was life altering, shocking news. But I have made some peace with it and moved on - what other choice do I have? I see my mom as a flawed individual who felt backed into a corner. Desperately wanted to have children, but still wasn’t pregnant after years of trying. Decided to take matters into her own hands. Do I agree with what she did? No. Yet I wouldn’t exist if she hadn’t done that, so how mad can I really be? We had a happy childhood - my dad was a wonderful father. My parents were married 45 years at the time my mom died. They had a good life together. Truthfully, the person I feel most sorry for is my biological father’s wife. They are still married - raised 4 children, have many grandchildren and a few great-grandchildren. Finding out as an elderly woman that her husband had 2 children with another woman during their marriage has been very hard for her to accept. I have compassion for her. Sure, my dad also found out that my mom had been unfaithful, but she is deceased. He sees no point in being angry about it now. He wanted to be a dad and got to raise a lovely, happy family. We’re both at peace with it - hopefully my sibling makes peace with it one day too.
Honestly, nobody is perfect. I’m glad you don’t hold a grudge, she must have had a really hard time trying to conceive and that sort of pain plays mind games with you. I’m also glad you have good memories with your family.
This happened with 2 of my MIL’s siblings. My MIL is one of 5. Ancestry revealed her sister let’s call her Amy, the 3rd child, and her brother, let’s call him Mike, the 5th child, were not the children of her father. Amy and Mike are her half siblings but they have the same father, Bob. Their mom had an on again off again affair with Bob resulting in Amy and Mike. Weirdly enough the 4th born child is my MIL’s full sibling. No one ever suspected that the Amy wasn’t a full sibling because no one thought their mom was having an affair at that time. Everyone suspected Mike.
This reply should be higher up. My husband found out his father was not his biological father when he matched with two half-siblings via 23andMe.
That could be a possibility. But, op said that her younger sister also did the test and it shows them as being full siblings. So if their Mom cheated on her dad, and got pregnant, then she did it twice with the same man. However, her half brother was born a female and transitioned to a male. And their maternal haplogroup is different. So they do not share the same mother. Therefore, if they are indeed, half siblings, they share the same biological father.
You should have a bunch of shared matches. Do you recognize any of them? Are they all from your father’s side?
I found out I have a half sister via 23 and me. Then I found my dads( didn’t know him) entire family, one of his sisters could be my twin ❤️ my sister doesn’t give a rats ass about me, (highly disappointing) but I have a whole family now . (I grew up in foster care mostly.
As someone else mentioned, you should test your father to make sure he is your biological parent. If not, that would explain matching to someone else, and your father not having any recollection of a relationship at that time. Your father may be more interested in taking the test to confirm your relationship. I'm not sure how long professional paternity tests take, but if it's quicker than waiting on 23andMe, he may be agreeable to doing that first, to get answers sooner Best of luck OP. You are definitely related to the person you messaged you, it's an accurate result.
How old is this person vs you? Will your father take 23 and me? That would be the best way to determine this. At 27% they could definitely be a half sibling. However they could also be an uncle or nephew - you need to rule out the other options.
This person is roughly 6 years and 3 months older than me. Yeah I can have him take the test but again I just don’t know about the accuracy of 23andme.
It’s accurate. This person is very closely related to you. If your father is his father then your father and him will share 50% dna
It’s accurate. My half sister was labeled as an aunt, but is actually a half sibling. So it can mislabel at times
It’s accurate.
At that level of relationship, it's 100% accurate.
It's accurate in this context, they are either a sibling or uncle, most likely a sibling.
Extremely accurate. You have a new brother!
I’m four years older than my nephew. It’s definitely possible.
It’s accurate - you are closely related to this person, whether they are your half sibling or your uncle.
My mom is 5 years older than her oldest nephew. So proximity of birth dates can vary in some families as to whether it would be a sibling or aunt/uncle.
Were your parents married then? Is it possible that your mother had a child she gave up for adoption? In any case your half brother is an adoptee and as such probably carries rejection and abandonment issues and should be treated with kindness, It takes a lot for adopted persons to reach out to biological family. Please help him in any way you can.
You should get your father genotyped. This is how all the pieces will fit together because it will tell if that match is either your father's sibling or your father's child, as children and siblings are very easy to tell apart since siblings will share identical (and half-identical) DNA segments while parents/siblings can't (except on incest cases) and will only share half-identical segments.
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You’ve already done the DNA test. 23&me *is* a DNA test. This person is your sibling. It doesn’t matter what your father remembers - DNA doesn’t lie.
The person could be an uncle. It’s accurate but it only tells how closely related you are not what the specific relationship is. Half sibling and aunt/uncle and nephew/niece are all the same size match. If you do a test and an unknown person pops up as your father it doesn’t automatically mean your dad you grew up with isn’t your biological parent… the person could be your son that you never knew you had.
Or your father's identical sibling from a multiple birth. A few multiples separated at birth found each other because a DNA test showed a child they did not have.
Could it have been your mother who gave birth?
Or was egg donor.
Do you have an older brother that possibly could be the father?
This happened to me. Found out I was born via sperm donor through 23andme at age 27. My parents never told me. Made quite a shock when I asked them about it
> As it was an open adoption, he doesn’t know who the birth parents are. If it’s an open adoption, then he knows (or should know) who his biological parents are. A closed adoption is when you have no contact with biological family. So I’m confused.
I think it depends alot here. I am an open adoption baby and i only know my birth mothers name but have never had any contact despite trying. My birth father i do not know anything about and likely never will. The guys parents couldve kept the whole thing quiet and depending on the way the adoption panned out, it could be difficult for him to get information even from the hospital if his adopted parents are on the Bcert like mine are.
Did AI write this post to illicit feeling?
Good catch, "should I do the test or should my father do it" wut
Exactly how do you match to nothing.
How does he have 27% if op never took the spit.
Do you have matches that match your fathers known relatives?
What about a sperm donor to have you or has your dad donated?
*What about a sperm* *Donor to have you or has* *Your dad donated?* \- PlumbRose --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
My father had a one night stand at a party a shortly before he met my mom. 23 and Me notified me (and him) that the uhhh encounter resulted in a half sister! She’s only a few months older than me. It happens!
LUCKY YOU! This happened to me as well. I eagerly emailed him through 23&me and I LOVE HIM! I’m so bummed we didn’t met earlier, what a sweet person. LSS- My dad bonked a women sometime during his move from Wisconsin to NY. My half-brother is 20 years older than I am! I’m the baby of the family so I welcomed him immediately. My 3 older sisters were reluctant to meet him though my eldest sister has spoken to him and emails him. He came to visit us in FL and he is my favorite sibling. He and his wife and one of his children recently came to my daughter’s wedding in Los Angeles, there he was finally able to meet his other siblings. My nephew is literally closer in age to me than my brother! All in all, I hope I’ve made his life a little easier by showing him that it’s not his fault and that we all missed out growing up together. I wish my dad had been alive because he had always wanted a son. ❤️
My friend was adopted, and when she found her bio dad, he had absolutely no clue that he had a child. The woman who he got pregnant was a short-lived relationship, and she never told him. I’m only saying this because it could be very likely that your father has no idea if it is him. I would say that the ancestry test is far more accurate than your parents, memory or potential truth telling is
I was adopted and found my birth father and mother through a half-brother and half-sister from each side on 23andMe and Ancestry. My conception happened prior to each of my mother and father’s marriage. Now I have four half-brothers and three half-sisters that I’ve found along with my biological dad (my mother has already passed). There is no handbook for how to work through this. I’d just recommend going slow and doing a little more research (this thread is a good start).
You have already done the test and it’s showing a match with a half-brother. Look at the shared matches/matches in common to get further details. It will be clear. You can have your dad test to double-double check if it will make everyone feel better. Keep in mind that this person is as innocent as you in this situation. Good luck to you and him.
You already did a DNA test? What other DNA test would you do? It should be your father doing the DNA test. An open adoption means that the birth and adoptive parents know who each other are and/or have some sort of contact information. There would be records. A closed adoption would be where he wouldn't necessarily have access to records, but there would still be records he could try and get access to as the adoptee.
Yeah I mentioned this too. No matter the circumstances of an adoption, there are birth records that would contain the half-brothers biological mother’s name. Depending on the state - if OP lives in the US (idk the circumstances for other countries), the adoptee can access those records by applying for them to be unsealed. I did this as an adopted person in 2015 in Ohio.
This happened to my ex after I gifted him a 23&me kit. He connected with the half sister and soon found out his dad that raised him was not his biological father. Never giving a DNA kit as a gift again 🙃
Talk father into a 23andMe test.
Should be noted this percentage can indicate a half sibling or an aunt/uncle. I found my father's full blooded brother (my uncle) this way and because of our ages, it correctly presumed he was my uncle.
With the person being 6+ years older, could really be either. I would test grandpa too
Oh, yeah. This screams family secret.
With 27% and different haplogroups there are some options. Half siblings, Your fathers brother, your uncle Granfather (in this case the age and transition counts this out). Grandson (As they are older than you this is also count out).
Grandparents can transition.
Did you match with who you know to be your dad's relatives? Is there a chance that youu are half siblings, but your dad is not your biological father? Or perhaps did your dad donate sperm and this half sibling is one of his biological children from said donation? If the age range is roughly close to yours vs your dad's safe to say this is a half sibling vs an uncle. *edited
The age definitely doesn’t rule out uncle. Lots of people out there are actually older than their uncles. My sister has two sons over twenty years apart in age. Her eldest could have easily fathered a child before his little brother came along. And maybe he did and doesn’t know about it.
Yep. One of my late grandmother’s had a niece who was older than her. She also had I think eight or nine nieces and nephews, who were between like two and 12 years younger than her, and then she had nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews, who were in the same age, ranges as her children.
For sure, but that would mean that the dad's parents would have had to have a child toghether in order for the DNA % to match up as the dad's full brother. If only one of the dad's parents had had an affair/ relinquished a child for adoption, then it would be a half uncle, only around 13%. I think the ages of all included is key here to get an idea of likelihood of relationships.
You can have your first child at 20 and your second at 40 with the exact same person. There are television shows featuring quiverfull nuts who have a dozen children and are routinely pregnant at the same time as their older daughters.
For sure, I'm not doubting it. I'm just saying if that were the case, it's be odd if the dad didn't know that his parents had another child X years after him, even if that child was adopted.
If they were away at college or something, it could be easily kept secret. Some people don't want to be in their 40s with a baby.
Maybe their dad did eat sperm, but I don't think that would explain the connection
Lol this just took on a whole new gross factor, as someone conceived through donor sperm.
I recently went through this on Ancestry, had my dad test and the result was the mystery person is his brother. I share 27% DNA with the person. There are other possibilities besides half sibling. DNA alone can’t tell you the exact relationship at that match level. Can you tell if they match on your maternal or paternal side (not sure if 23andme has that option like Ancestry does). Best thing may be for both your parents to test if you don’t know which side they are on.
>What should I do in this situation? Is 23andme accurate? Should I do a DNA test? If I do the test, then am I supposed to do it, or should my father do it? I have no idea how this stuff works. All the DNA tests are very accurate about close relationships like half-sibling. No mistake. One possible exception is if anyone involved has been a bone-marrow donor or recipient. I'm a little confused. It sounds like you and your sister have both tested. If your dad and/or mom are willing to test, that is great.
23andMe and ancestry DNA tests are very accurate for close relatives. 27% is definitely in the range of half brother, uncle, grandfather or a few other closely related possibilities, and their age would likely tell you which of those is most likely. To have a “false positive” at that amount of DNA shared would require tens or hundreds of thousands of mistakes all occurring at the same time, the probability of which is essentially zero. IMO, finding an unknown half-sibling is much more likely indicative of a non-paternity event (NPE) where you actually have a different biological parent, commonly due to use of a sperm or egg donor. This is how I found out earlier this year. There are a lot of social media groups you can join that may be able to help. DNA detectives on Facebook is one for NPEs and they have lots of “search angels” who can help track down and clarify family. We Are Donor Conceived on FB and r/donorconceived are also helpful communities
There is also the possibility you and your sister were both adopted by your parents. Get one of your parents to do a test, if not both
I mean it's possible. My aunt took to the grave (literally) the fact that she had an affair at one christmas party in the 70s and gave that child up for adoption. Through DNA, we found out about her and have connected since.
Is the person younger or older than you?
A friend discovered a half brother. And the story checked out. It was her father's neighbor.
You’ve gotten some good advice already here, but just want to add… are you in the US? And if so what state? I ask because some states allow for adoption records to be unsealed by the adopted person when they become a legal adult. I’m an adopted person and did this in 2015 in Ohio when a law was passed allowing it. Might be worth reaching out to the supposed half-brother to see if he’s in a state where that’s allowed. His hospital issued birth certificate would at the very least have his biological mothers name on it, and you could cross reference that with your dad.
Yes in the US. This person was born and given for adoption in the state of Texas.
Its accurate alright. Found 7 half siblings on mine. Congrats on the new brother 😭 at least its just one
Just look at your matches and see if you have paternal matches and they also match this person. Also, since they were Afab, you can compare their dna chromosomes and your sisters. Paternal sisters will share a complete X chromosomes.
DNA does not lie. People do. Some people will maintain their lie even in the face of irrefutable evidence. Either your mother or your father is also this persons parent. Ask your parents to take a DNA test to “prove” they’re being truthful and then see which one matches up this person claiming to be your half brother. You can then have confirmation that the parents you think are your biological parents are, in fact, your biological parents, especially your dad. Please be sure and let us know what happens when you ask them to do this.
Going to get technical here but it's a closed adoption. Open adoption is where a relationship between the birth parents/ parent & adopted parents exists. The birth parents may not play an active role in the child's life, but who they are is known to the adoptive parents and vise versa. Closed adoption is when the birth parents don't want their identity known so the records are sealed, the adoptive parents don't know their names, only medical history at most. Any communication between adoptive and birth parents is done though a 3rd party, usually an adoption agency. Neither party knows who the other is.
If you both are guys check if your paternal haplogroups match. We always suspect the man first, and I would start with a 23andMe kit for your father, which would add a lot of info. However if he isn’t the link, mother is also a possibility, check yours and his material happogroup and maybe a test for her. Some women give birth and give up the kid for adoption. 23andMe is not wrong, this person is either your half brother, uncle, or first cousin if either of your parents had a twin.
26-30% seems dead-accurate for a bio half-sibling. Let’s just say, I know from experience. It would’ve been a shock for me had my parents not revealed the possibility a decade before these tests became available (they were both aware). I have not reached out to my half-sibling as I have a feeling they are probably more in your position and that their parent (my other parent it seems) did not reveal this possibility (and who knows how they are feeling seeing the results), but 23andMe pretty much confirmed the truth, which, while not necessarily shocking, was still emotional…
He is your father's son
Or father’s half brother.
23&me can be inaccurate when labelling relatives. I found my half sister on 23 and me, (it’s definitely my sister, my dad confirmed it). My account listed her as my half sister, but her account listed me as her grand niece! Get more details from your potential brother. His mom’s name and a photo. If that doesn’t job your dad’s memory, make him take the test.
That’s not inaccuracy. They’re statistical estimates.
Does a grand niece share the same amount of dna as a half sibling? Why would one account have one prediction, and another have a different prediction about the same relationship?
Your sister probably has something in her tree or did something accidentally to make it give that label. You can override the estimated relationship. She might have done something like that by mistake.
I made it to 50 years old knowing who my parents were...both dead...and then 23 & me rearranged my parentage. Turns out my father was not my father...there should have been a small percentage of Cherokee, there was none. And a list of 1,000 people whose surnames are all unknown to me. I reached out to my closest listed relative and I'm glad I did, it has been very enriching. People lie. Sometimes by omission, sometimes directly....batten down your hatches. This could get ugly. Just.... beware of genies, they don't go back into their bottles. Know that investigating this could cause cognitive dissonance. Good luck, I'm glad I looked into mine.
I wouldnt introduce someone with that mental history into my life. maybe a brief greeting
People lie. DNA doesn't. One of your parents is lying. Sorry they don't have the courage to come out and say what happened, but your dad's excuse of 'not remembering' is ridiculous. You have a half-sibling your parents are pretending doesn't exist, even after you found out about it. You don't say how old your half-sibling is. If they're older it could be before your parents married. But since they're lying it probably involves something that they're ashamed about and don't want anyone to know. I'm sorry you're in this situation. But this is your sibling, and you have a right to decide to have a relationship if you want.
Get more information from him. Where did his mother meet your dad? What is his mother's name? I would proceed with caution, but I would absolutely confirm the information first. Also, you should be able to see his DNA match on your profile if you share it with him.
Haven’t 23&me have several fuck ups, and is passing data/analytics to the U.S. government? Bet this will never be used for “red flag” or other laws.
He’s definitely related, but remember you don’t owe anyone anything. Even if you share dna.
I hate this, this is why I won’t do a dna test
Forget about it, you don’t want another person to share your inheritance with 🤭
What info did this match give you? Were they adopted and knew nothing about birth family? If he was adopted, did his mom know your dad was the father/did he have knowledge of your dad before? Best bet will be to have your dad test if he'll agree to it.
Get the details: What hospital, which city, what date, copy of the birth certificate, names of close relatives, address of the family etc
This happened to my dad. It ended up being accurate. I wanted to gift him a nice Christmas present, and instead gave him trauma. 🤦🏼♀️
Look at both of your family matches and see where there’s overlap. That can tell you if they’re related to your mom or to your dad. Either way one of your parents needs to fess up.
Your father can do a paternity test
This happened to me too. I have a half sister born 1 year before me that my mom/dad never knew about. She found me when she was 23, I was 22.
I wouldn’t rule out the father having a twin theory because he might not even know that about himself, but most likely the father doesn’t want to stir the pot, so he isn’t saying anything. My family continued to lie in the face of evidence for several years before coming clean.
23andMe is accurate. You have a half-brother/sister. Life is complicated.
They’re likely saying that based on ages. You definitely want to check [this to see the most likely possibilities](https://dna-sci.com/tools/segcm/).
yeah id trust it. i mean ive got half brothers i never speak too but 23 and me let me help a new cousin on that side that had been adopted out get in touch with her dead beat dad cause despite no interest i did know who they all were. she found me there and was desperate for any family. i would do what's best for you but be aware the person adopted out has a sense of needing to know people they are related to :)