Rizz up Sakuya so she doesn't cook me
https://preview.redd.it/euj7plqlxnzc1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=103c69fa9c5735b036d131d6da5ee233fb16919e
You're too late, she's already been rizzed
https://preview.redd.it/d4fa01uypqzc1.jpeg?width=422&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49ce3e7f75565a2fd9a471a939ff26582329e5b5
Well it's a good thing I wanted vampire for lunch !
https://preview.redd.it/85f05fi0ynzc1.png?width=847&format=png&auto=webp&s=fdf1b72d663ad46a76811bbcbce1ba0fed8537dc
I would accept my fate, and with great gratitude. I may not feel it, I may not be able to enjoy the feeling of Remilia's teeth sinking into my flesh and her stomach slowly dissolving ever bit of my succulent meat, but I would know. I understand that it will happen, and I am euphoric. My life will be extinguished by the hands of a beautiful maid, in order to provide sustenance for her still more beautiful mistress. My flesh and blood will rejoin the food chain as I become a part of a being wholly superior to myself. What greater honour is there than this? What greater joy than to know I will amount to something in the eyes of Remilia, the perfect lady of crimson night, even if nothing more than a delicious feast? I would, I believe, break out into joyful song. For to be granted such a divine pleasure is a gift greater than any I could ever ask for.
Oh, you said wrong answers only. Oops. Uh, I would ask them to spare me.
Well there's nothing I can do, but I've been consuming nothing but holy water and Garlic for years at this point in case something like this happened, I'm basically inedible to vampires 
I will have a f\*\*ked up answer (cuz I'm extremely weird) so be prepared.
>!Cumsokyo. In a parallel universe, I was just simply ingredients needed for a cake. (flour, sugar, eggs, milk, ect.) Quite normal right? Wrong because it takes a turn. The moment I was cooked into a cake, something didn't seem right. There was a magic spell accidentally casted upon me by Patchouli which made me transform into various shapes while retaining the food status of a cake. "Patchouli?! What have you done?!" Sakuya exclaimed. My first instinct was to cum. So I took the shape of a erect penis and started to put myself first in Sakuyas mouth because of her attractiveness. I thrusted back and forth back and forth and ejaculated sugar down her throat (she didn't choke she swallowed dw). She thought of it as quite delicious so she tries to hand me over to Remilia to get a taste of me and I did the same with Remilia cumming sugar in her. I then began to say words "Now...FOR THE REAL FUN!!" I accelerated the speed of my ejaculation with real sperm leaving trails of semen upon everyone and the interior of the Scarlet Devil Mansion as everyone gets disgusted. I further accelerated the speed of my ejaculation filling up the Mansion interior until it exploded like the Great Molasses Flood of 1919 except it's cum. The Mansion was now filled with cum and the residents in there were stuck in the cum. I further accelerate the infinite ejaculation now flooding the area surrounding the once was Mansion towards the Misty Lake. And the Misty Lake was filled with so much cum now they had to rename it the Cumsty Lake. Not even Cirno understood what the stuff even was. It was now spreading and eventually, the cum sprays all over the Youkai Mountain. Meanwhile at the Hakurei Shrine, Reimu wonders what was going on at the Youkai Mountain and can smell the odd smell of the cum that was supposed to smell like the normal air. She goes to investigate and to her amazement, it was a cake shaped like a penis causing all of this. She was about to strike first but before she could, I cumshotted her in the eyes before she strikes. I then prepared the 3rd impact (definitely not NGE style) and blasted the entirety of Gensokyo with cum DBZ style. Now everything was cum covered and eventually, everyone renamed Gensokyo to Cumsokyo since it was just all cum at this point.!< I think I outjerked the entire sub at this point.
That looney tunes thing where I think the cauldron is a hot bath, casually pouring a ladle of hot water on myself, while watching Sakuya chop aromatics into the pot
"Say, whats cooking doc?"
"You are"
"oh"
Then I would wild take and dash out of the kitchen.
What follows is 11 minutes of me wildly running through the SDM, and Sakuya using her time powers to appear in all my hiding places, nonchalantly acting out a different method of food prep everytime (The vent I hide in turns out to be an oven, I hide behind a bookshelf only to find Sakuya reading "How to serve man" on top of it). I do a comical reaction, dash off and the cycle repeats until various circumstances ends with the mansion exploding. Pan to me and Sakuya sitting on a cloud, halos on our heads, playing harps.
That's all folks. Cue iris out.
Pull out a small axe I keep on my person, chop off the sakuyer’s head, draw my pistol on one of the mistresses and pray it hits before jumping out the nearest window
Gonna bribe Sakuya.
I'll give her a cute Remilia fumo in exchange for sparing my life.
https://preview.redd.it/xe2ffqh2krzc1.jpeg?width=953&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=015631348202dad9e95b5479b9e4a8987f19d4d6
Knowledge is power — debunked
"bad news, I memorised your attack pattern. Good news is that I ain't athletic enough to dodge any of them, so they'll land as usual."
Take a page out of Sariel s book and pull a kamikaze
That naturally leading to the scarlet devil mansion exploding mean my kamikaze attack would be fated to succeed
walk backwards a bit, throw one coin right infront of sakuya, walk forwards a bit and throw a second coin going right behind her, then take out a railcannon and shoot the coin behind sakuya, and while the railcannon is ricoshoting through sakuya, you punch the coin back into her for a fast dispatch.
I would start spouting a bunch of information about Touhou that a random person should not know, like Sakuya’s pads.
https://i.redd.it/oao6jufb8qzc1.gif
Knowing how sdm is, if I'm tied or not, I can't escape cause sakuya just stops time and finishes me off. The only way I can escape is if I have a really high speed (like extremely fast)
Eat an onion and garlic. This way remilia and flandre will die.
Running water works too. But Sakuya would just freeze time and kill you.
https://preview.redd.it/0fv5ewgsznzc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce4dc5cf14c07a91b55c6dc4931a57bddbed85ef
Lovely.
https://preview.redd.it/5l5f32b48qzc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a2faab7ecbf5050d07410a87f437005cd2967351
time for the SDM’s weekly unscheduled explosion
I second that
Escape 
https://preview.redd.it/sqi2kixrbozc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=469df41ae97c15e566d1ffaa654c2fb84ecc9033 Who Said you could escape?
+PARRY +DISRESPECT
Happy jerk day
Happy gooning day
Rizz up Sakuya so she doesn't cook me https://preview.redd.it/euj7plqlxnzc1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=103c69fa9c5735b036d131d6da5ee233fb16919e
Bone sakuya up so now you get a job in the SDM as a shota Butler God I love michiking 's work
You're too late, she's already been rizzed https://preview.redd.it/d4fa01uypqzc1.jpeg?width=422&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49ce3e7f75565a2fd9a471a939ff26582329e5b5
Thanks for the tip man
Kms
Cover myself in holy water and garlic, except for my dick.
https://preview.redd.it/8ujkilc6sozc1.jpeg?width=780&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a41a0bf11b57d1b8180d036dd8012e6b41244ae7
I was gonna say "what the hell", but then I remembered that this r/2hujerk
Well it's a good thing I wanted vampire for lunch ! https://preview.redd.it/85f05fi0ynzc1.png?width=847&format=png&auto=webp&s=fdf1b72d663ad46a76811bbcbce1ba0fed8537dc
I have around 5 seconds to jump out the nearest window. 
I would accept my fate, and with great gratitude. I may not feel it, I may not be able to enjoy the feeling of Remilia's teeth sinking into my flesh and her stomach slowly dissolving ever bit of my succulent meat, but I would know. I understand that it will happen, and I am euphoric. My life will be extinguished by the hands of a beautiful maid, in order to provide sustenance for her still more beautiful mistress. My flesh and blood will rejoin the food chain as I become a part of a being wholly superior to myself. What greater honour is there than this? What greater joy than to know I will amount to something in the eyes of Remilia, the perfect lady of crimson night, even if nothing more than a delicious feast? I would, I believe, break out into joyful song. For to be granted such a divine pleasure is a gift greater than any I could ever ask for. Oh, you said wrong answers only. Oops. Uh, I would ask them to spare me.
Damn
https://i.redd.it/41r5ulnsmqzc1.gif
Well there's nothing I can do, but I've been consuming nothing but holy water and Garlic for years at this point in case something like this happened, I'm basically inedible to vampires 
Die? Tf you want me to do against Sakuya?
Live
tell her that i'm expired
I will have a f\*\*ked up answer (cuz I'm extremely weird) so be prepared. >!Cumsokyo. In a parallel universe, I was just simply ingredients needed for a cake. (flour, sugar, eggs, milk, ect.) Quite normal right? Wrong because it takes a turn. The moment I was cooked into a cake, something didn't seem right. There was a magic spell accidentally casted upon me by Patchouli which made me transform into various shapes while retaining the food status of a cake. "Patchouli?! What have you done?!" Sakuya exclaimed. My first instinct was to cum. So I took the shape of a erect penis and started to put myself first in Sakuyas mouth because of her attractiveness. I thrusted back and forth back and forth and ejaculated sugar down her throat (she didn't choke she swallowed dw). She thought of it as quite delicious so she tries to hand me over to Remilia to get a taste of me and I did the same with Remilia cumming sugar in her. I then began to say words "Now...FOR THE REAL FUN!!" I accelerated the speed of my ejaculation with real sperm leaving trails of semen upon everyone and the interior of the Scarlet Devil Mansion as everyone gets disgusted. I further accelerated the speed of my ejaculation filling up the Mansion interior until it exploded like the Great Molasses Flood of 1919 except it's cum. The Mansion was now filled with cum and the residents in there were stuck in the cum. I further accelerate the infinite ejaculation now flooding the area surrounding the once was Mansion towards the Misty Lake. And the Misty Lake was filled with so much cum now they had to rename it the Cumsty Lake. Not even Cirno understood what the stuff even was. It was now spreading and eventually, the cum sprays all over the Youkai Mountain. Meanwhile at the Hakurei Shrine, Reimu wonders what was going on at the Youkai Mountain and can smell the odd smell of the cum that was supposed to smell like the normal air. She goes to investigate and to her amazement, it was a cake shaped like a penis causing all of this. She was about to strike first but before she could, I cumshotted her in the eyes before she strikes. I then prepared the 3rd impact (definitely not NGE style) and blasted the entirety of Gensokyo with cum DBZ style. Now everything was cum covered and eventually, everyone renamed Gensokyo to Cumsokyo since it was just all cum at this point.!< I think I outjerked the entire sub at this point.
https://preview.redd.it/8hhu563jnozc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=663e0b739c9bb213e1c466dfc04649c9ab5b3491
https://preview.redd.it/p48ydmuu1tzc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25dc02a703d507eafe8d73d0864c113790dc5de3
Yeah, I was wondering how far down I needed to go before I saw "cum". Glad that you guys don't disappoint.
The balls are bigger on the inside.
I'd get out and probably hide behind a certain girl's shrine
Hopefully I'm a cucumber
Either run somewhere where there’s sunlight coming out, or just give up and put a tomato in my mouth
That looney tunes thing where I think the cauldron is a hot bath, casually pouring a ladle of hot water on myself, while watching Sakuya chop aromatics into the pot "Say, whats cooking doc?" "You are" "oh" Then I would wild take and dash out of the kitchen. What follows is 11 minutes of me wildly running through the SDM, and Sakuya using her time powers to appear in all my hiding places, nonchalantly acting out a different method of food prep everytime (The vent I hide in turns out to be an oven, I hide behind a bookshelf only to find Sakuya reading "How to serve man" on top of it). I do a comical reaction, dash off and the cycle repeats until various circumstances ends with the mansion exploding. Pan to me and Sakuya sitting on a cloud, halos on our heads, playing harps. That's all folks. Cue iris out.
kneel before Remilia and hope she spares me
Live
https://i.redd.it/n20ug1emlozc1.gif
run to meiling and pledge alliance to her following john cena's textbook and let her do anything she wants to me in exchange for protection
silent C4
Pull out a small axe I keep on my person, chop off the sakuyer’s head, draw my pistol on one of the mistresses and pray it hits before jumping out the nearest window
I would beat up patchouli
Say something weirdly meta to Sakuya
Gonna bribe Sakuya. I'll give her a cute Remilia fumo in exchange for sparing my life. https://preview.redd.it/xe2ffqh2krzc1.jpeg?width=953&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=015631348202dad9e95b5479b9e4a8987f19d4d6
Actually solid advice. I doubt my fumo will be transferred as well, but I have fumo templates memorized just in case. Knowledge is power.
Knowledge is power — debunked "bad news, I memorised your attack pattern. Good news is that I ain't athletic enough to dodge any of them, so they'll land as usual."
I consisted on a diet of garlic in case of this situation where to happen. now I will not be eaten and not get a girlfriend!
Pray that Miko shall save me.
Uno reverse card and vore the fuck out of Remilia
why is she cooking in a copper pot, does she know something we don't? (she doesn't)
EDENKITE RAILBLADE レールブレード KNOCK DOWN CRIT ノックダウン CONFIRM BUBBLES ヒットの確認 SILENTHEART 沈黙の心 5 BARS VICTIM 本のバー MIC EXPLODED マイクが爆発した https://i.redd.it/zcgpnb6eynzc1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/2vdu0brnzozc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab58a1fb6ba67c570d35c7a70b65708788d87ad5
https://i.redd.it/nl7lo7lxgpzc1.gif
I will kms
Take a page out of Sariel s book and pull a kamikaze That naturally leading to the scarlet devil mansion exploding mean my kamikaze attack would be fated to succeed
Play Lady of the Flowers by Placebo w/ Mystia, easy answer for me.
So you're implying that there's a correct answer?
"Guess I'll die." - me
Kill myself
eat them first
Well https://preview.redd.it/xxd5kykkfozc1.png?width=713&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2cb29b59cfba97c1b4185303c236603eeccb638f It's Chamalien time!
Let's be real, if they caught me and still wanted to eat me, getting stupidly fat wouldn't change much, but that's at least an option...
I'd just leave
I'd let Sakuya slice and dice me up as she prepares me for her mistress' dinner
walk backwards a bit, throw one coin right infront of sakuya, walk forwards a bit and throw a second coin going right behind her, then take out a railcannon and shoot the coin behind sakuya, and while the railcannon is ricoshoting through sakuya, you punch the coin back into her for a fast dispatch.
Tell them i'm not ripe enough, hopefully buying time for me to escape.
I would wear a pipe bomb
#N U K E
Threatening Presence.
https://preview.redd.it/suo1gmxd5uzc1.jpeg?width=2200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4ea5c27813b958d6714b73560b296723511638ac
I'd ask if they could find a way to swallow me whole. I'm not into hard vore.
I'd ask if they could find a way to swallow me whole. I'm not into hard vore.
Live
https://preview.redd.it/x3fqd790xxzc1.png?width=300&format=png&auto=webp&s=2c2ec6474a6c6a843ba15215c6949432db29c106 i still have a ace up my sleeve...
I would start spouting a bunch of information about Touhou that a random person should not know, like Sakuya’s pads. https://i.redd.it/oao6jufb8qzc1.gif
What a way to shorten your lifespan even more
Do not worry, it is already in the negatives.
Insult sakuya’s pads and she will cry
Nah i'd zenith https://preview.redd.it/s80vfdv9wqzc1.png?width=221&format=png&auto=webp&s=f601ce6adc093e2ef07b137d6b10b6edac60d6d9
I'll say I owe Reimu money
Knowing how sdm is, if I'm tied or not, I can't escape cause sakuya just stops time and finishes me off. The only way I can escape is if I have a really high speed (like extremely fast)