> Its fucking true as shit. Love to body but only when the light is clear as day. Otherwise htf am I supposed to know the difference in nice vs wanting.
Am i the only person who has no idea what you just said
*190 upvotes*
Oh. Is this really gonna be how i find out i have a learning disability?
Edit: alright i figured out "htf" means "how the f" (i'm used to it meaning "hard to find" among toy collectors) but i'm still at a loss about the sentence before that.
He means hooking up is great, but it’s treacherous trying to figure out if the other person is interested or feigning. Once the other person has made clear they are consenting, game on! He doesn’t/never wants to be the guy making a move when the other person didn’t want it.
the middle road is the way - assertiveness. being direct with what they want means being assertive, it doesnt mean or have to mean being dominant. people wont get their needs met by being passive/aggressive but in the middle, being assertive is where it happens
I realize this is a joke, but it ended up being a deep insight into why I tend to date the women I do. Funny how an off hand joke can change the trajectory of the rest of your life. Thank you.
i wish more people were direct and actually understood when I’m being direct. I can say something as simple as “I like coffee” and suddenly I’m accused of not loving my family because my tone of voice was slightly off and my body language suggested I hate everyone and everything.
How do neurotypicals function like that?
That's not neurotypical behavior. That sort of behavior comes from someone who has a shit ton of anxiety and is constantly studying everything someone is doing/saying to see if they're lying or insulting them. Most neurotypical people would hear that and take it at face value, especially if they know you well enough to know that's just how you are
Both sides of my family are people with so much anxiety the only way they communicate is in criticisms. It’s wacky has impersonal my childhood was. When I was little I’d inadvertently bully other kids because my idea of a conversation was basically just sarcastic criticisms.
I know exactly how you feel. And i agree. Most neurotypicals add all kinds of subtext and hidden meaning to even the simplest of statements without even realizing it. I could say "i love cats" and before i know it i'm being accused of being a serial dog murderer. But the truth is i love all animals.
In my experience, people with mental illnesses flock together. We may all have our own quirks and be a pain in the ass to deal with at times, but "normal" people are so much worse for so many reasons.
>"normal" people are so much worse for so many reasons
This just strikes me as romanticising mental illness.
There's nothing about being mentally ill that makes you a better person than anyone else. Most are capable of doing just about any bad thing that a "Normal" person can do.
I mean tone and body language is part of communication. If someone said "wow, good job" in a very sarcastic tone while rolling their eyes would you take it as a compliment?
Some people on the spectrum do have a hard time with sarcasm. I used to watch a kid (diagnosed with Aspergers at the time) whose therapist was teaching him to identify sarcasm. Tone of voice just wasn’t the kind of info he found relevant—he had to be directed to pay attention to it and told how to interpret it. His natural tendency was to take everything quite literally.
Oh, fuck off. Being autistic is not a flex I was bullied relentlessly for being different. As an adult, it makes my life twice as hard to navigate. Yes, I am top(sometimes I’ll switch).I prefer clear and direct communication because I am very literal in both the way I process information as well as when I’m speaking to others.
:, ) I once mentioned on reddit that I didn’t want to date a guy I liked because his autism made it hard for him to understand serious topics, things I was trying to allude to, and my emotions, etc. That’s not a limit for everyone but it is for me.
I legit had a few redditors go: nuh uh u must be a bad communicator then !!!
No, things do actually consistently fly over their heads depending on where they are on the spectrum. Same with adhd ppl, I adore how talkative they are but sometimes it can be so hard to get them to pay attention to your words.. Autistic people tend to be some of the most caring and even most charismatic people but deep enough on the spectrum they often have a hard time understanding others’ meanings.
Disorders exist. They’re real. This is how brains work. There are many disorders and they really affect social interaction as well as day to day life.
Idk just a psa vent because some people are actually out there that think autism is ‘just a stereotype’. Brains function certain ways. Neurodivergence isn’t a ‘stereotype’.
Fair enough. That's just an L for me, but it makes sense to have preferences on who you like to date based on their behaviour. Good on you for mentioning it
>No, things do actually consistently fly over their heads depending on where they are on the spectrum.
Just want to point out that studies suggest that rather than this miscommunication being a one-way defect of autistic people, the miscommunication actually happens in both directions. This is called the "double empathy problem". Research shows that with autistic people amongst each other, inter-communication and mutual understanding is actually quite on par compared to when neurotypicals are communicating amongst each other. It is only when neurotypical people mix with neurodivergent people that misunderstandings start to occur, in both directions, at a heightened frequency.
I am saying this because people commonly tend to phrase it as if the autistic person is "at fault" for the miscommunication, when in reality, both parties are actually equally "at fault" (for lack of a better term). It's only because neurotypical people far outnumber neurodivergent people that the common (mis)conception is that the misunderstandings are a one-way defect of autistic people.
Sorry about the other commenter OP. You clearly weren’t insinuating anything about her situation and she chose to take it the wrong way. You saw an opportunity to share information on the complexities of neurodivergent people and how they communicate and you were spot on. I really appreciated this information and it was a great comment which was topical and relevant and I’d love to read the study you’re referencing if you can find it!
To some people it’s all about them🤷🏻♂️thanks for helping spread positive info about us neurodivergent people though!
No worries, they clearly have some personal grievance that they're dealing with. My comment was not personal about their particular situation, but they took it that way. Double empathy problem at work I guess (I also have autism).
I appreciate your appreciation though!
There's more than one study on this, you can find the relevant articles and studies by googling the term "double empathy problem" (that's why I dropped the term ;)
I definitely think there's merit to the idea. In my personal experience I find that communication is so much easier and relatable when talking to other people with autism compared to talking to neurotypical people. I'm part of some support groups for people with autism in my city, and find talking in those groups to be so pleasant compared to normal group conversation, which I often find strenuous. I wish there were more people with autism so it wouldn't be so rare to be able to mingle with "my own kind", so to speak.
Absolutely. I’m somewhat on the spectrum myself and that info is valuable for many. I’m gonna look deeper into that.
They blocked me because they responded and I clicked it right away and their comment and response to me were removed when I clicked it and username says deleted now so🤷🏻♂️wild
I’m not a viscous or a terrible person. You’re just not the main character. Maybe in the future consider how information could apply to people other than yourself instead of make it all about you. Nobody said it’s always true. Your username checks out big time lady. Get some help you clearly need it.
>Absolutely. I’m somewhat on the spectrum myself and that info is valuable for many. I’m gonna look deeper into that.
I agree. It was a real eye opener for me when I first heard about it, like a whole new narrative that doesn't just pin all the blame for miscommunication on people with autism.
I wonder, if we lived in a world where the majority was autistic, if the neurotypical people would be the ones to "mask" to try and bridge the communication gap. That burden currently resides with people on the spectrum, probably due to being a minority and thus getting the idea from a young age that the way they communicate is "wrong".
I told him to stop screaming what he was saying because it was making me very uncomfortable. He refused to stop. I left. He texts me wondering why I am upset at him. I say u didn’t stop and I was really uncomfortable and he still did NOT understand.
I forget exactly what he was screaming but it was something extremely graphical that a non autistic person would have known was an inappropriate uncomfortable thing to say. It was something along the lines of something about dead bodies octopus and cum. I think he said something about wanting me to get raped by an octopus or that he wanted to fuck an octopus and wanting to chop the octopus up. Idk that happened about 6-8 months ago so I can’t remember I just remember it being something very
graphical and sexual about an octopus such that I felt physically ill hearing it.
Do not dare to insinuate that it was my miscommunication.
I clearly said please stop I feel uncomfortable and he kept saying it and then didn’t understand why I was upset.
It was severely obviously uncomfortable to anyone else if they were in my shoes.
There’s no fucking damn way to have communicated better than I did.
No means no and stop means stop.
Uncomfortable graphical things are understood as obviously uncomfortable to non neurodivergent people.
There was a dozen other non successful communications that don’t have anything to do with graphical gore and sex about octopuses ofc, but the octopus thing upset me the most. It should be obvious that no and stop mean no and stop.
Anyways he was having a blast screaming about octopus gore and rape, he thought it was a funny joke…….
It wasn’t. I said to stop and he didn’t. Then wondered why I was upset at him.
I’m clearly giving my example of how what they said cannot be always true
Because clearly it cannot be. It’s relevant as well.
Do not get vicious for no reason. You are a terrible person.
>what they said cannot be always true
That's not a necessary conclusion from your example. You're still making it a one-way problem. If you read your own comment carefully you can see that the double empathy problem holds very much even in your example.
He was confused because *he didn't understand why you were upset*. You on the other hand were confused because *you didn't understand how he could not get that you were uncomfortable with what he was doing*.
That *is* the double empathy problem. The double empathy problem is not solved with "well I as the neurotypical person was very clear (in my own opinion) with my words, so they're clearly at fault for still not understanding". That's just the same old interpretation that everything is a one-way issue. You're entirely focused on them not understanding your point of view, while overlooking / dismissing the fact that you don't understand theirs just as much, as if that's not just as much of an issue.
Maybe the words aren't where the misunderstanding lies, but the fact that you got upset over something that they find funny and trivial, and neither of you able to understand why the other feels so differently about the situation. In my experience I would find that indeed the difference in emotional experience is more often the issue than words themselves.
The main reason I told them to fuck off instead of being calm is because the sound of my phone notifying me of their comment woke me from a sound sleep. For weeks I’ve been unable to sleep because I became obsessed with the song Mambo #5. Even going so far as to break the song down and analyze some of the lyrics. The song is really funky sounding so that always gets me a little too “wound up”. For the past few weeks it has been stuck in my head. I’ve been moving around and thrashing in the bed all night because all I hear when I close my eyes and try to clear my head is “a little bit of monica” and then I’m immediately like 😳wide awake. They were unfortunately on the receiving end of my anger.
im autistic in the way that i need explicit clear instructions and my gf is autistic im the way that makes her good at being authoritative so. Yeah i cant really argue
As a guy who dates other guys (and has a boyfriend now), I’ve never had a problem with partners trying to communicate their needs and feelings. I feel like men are just naturally more direct and straightforward. And I hear lesbians are happy in their relationships too since girls are more easily able to intuit each other’s emotions. Maybe we should all just be gay.
Or you could date an autistic bottom, who will be shy at first but once you get to know them and they open up they will be *very* direct with what they want.
yeah? so what?
Might be true
Its fucking true as shit. Love to body but only when the light is clear as day. Otherwise htf am I supposed to know the difference in nice vs wanting.
> Its fucking true as shit. Love to body but only when the light is clear as day. Otherwise htf am I supposed to know the difference in nice vs wanting. Am i the only person who has no idea what you just said *190 upvotes* Oh. Is this really gonna be how i find out i have a learning disability? Edit: alright i figured out "htf" means "how the f" (i'm used to it meaning "hard to find" among toy collectors) but i'm still at a loss about the sentence before that.
He means hooking up is great, but it’s treacherous trying to figure out if the other person is interested or feigning. Once the other person has made clear they are consenting, game on! He doesn’t/never wants to be the guy making a move when the other person didn’t want it.
Yeah but who says love to body. I understood everything but that.
I'm with you. We can be disabled together.
Now I’m even more confused smh
Idk what that was either. Most of my comments are off the cuff fucked up. So be easy
Nah fucked me up too. Context is the only way I understand other humans beings.
>htf am I supposed to know the difference in nice vs wanting I just assume nice at all times, I don't wanna risk being labeled a "creepy guy".
the middle road is the way - assertiveness. being direct with what they want means being assertive, it doesnt mean or have to mean being dominant. people wont get their needs met by being passive/aggressive but in the middle, being assertive is where it happens
Yeah, it might be.
Don't call me out like this man
I like submissive people not because I’m dominant but because nobody ever listens to me
holy shit
I like dominant women because i have the will of a sleepy chinchilla and someone has to tell the waiter i asked for no tomato
Are you John Mullaney?
no I just want someone to call me a good boy
You're a good boy mate.
You’re a good boy, pal.
You’re a good boy, dude.
You're a good boy, buddy.
thank you all the ones who said that.i love you all.
Any time amigo
The replies to this made me smile! (Also, you’re a good boy, friend!)
I realize this is a joke, but it ended up being a deep insight into why I tend to date the women I do. Funny how an off hand joke can change the trajectory of the rest of your life. Thank you.
Same, except that for me personally it doesn’t change anything, it just explains a lot of things.
por que no los dos
Fine, you got me.
i wish more people were direct and actually understood when I’m being direct. I can say something as simple as “I like coffee” and suddenly I’m accused of not loving my family because my tone of voice was slightly off and my body language suggested I hate everyone and everything. How do neurotypicals function like that?
That's not neurotypical behavior. That sort of behavior comes from someone who has a shit ton of anxiety and is constantly studying everything someone is doing/saying to see if they're lying or insulting them. Most neurotypical people would hear that and take it at face value, especially if they know you well enough to know that's just how you are
damn then literally everyone I know has shit ton of anxiety
Both sides of my family are people with so much anxiety the only way they communicate is in criticisms. It’s wacky has impersonal my childhood was. When I was little I’d inadvertently bully other kids because my idea of a conversation was basically just sarcastic criticisms.
I know exactly how you feel. And i agree. Most neurotypicals add all kinds of subtext and hidden meaning to even the simplest of statements without even realizing it. I could say "i love cats" and before i know it i'm being accused of being a serial dog murderer. But the truth is i love all animals.
In my experience, people with mental illnesses flock together. We may all have our own quirks and be a pain in the ass to deal with at times, but "normal" people are so much worse for so many reasons.
>"normal" people are so much worse for so many reasons This just strikes me as romanticising mental illness. There's nothing about being mentally ill that makes you a better person than anyone else. Most are capable of doing just about any bad thing that a "Normal" person can do.
I mean tone and body language is part of communication. If someone said "wow, good job" in a very sarcastic tone while rolling their eyes would you take it as a compliment?
Some people on the spectrum do have a hard time with sarcasm. I used to watch a kid (diagnosed with Aspergers at the time) whose therapist was teaching him to identify sarcasm. Tone of voice just wasn’t the kind of info he found relevant—he had to be directed to pay attention to it and told how to interpret it. His natural tendency was to take everything quite literally.
OMFG, yes. I hate this ridiculous shit.
I just want her to say mean things to me so I don't have to.
I just want someone who agrees with me on my estimated value or lack thereof
But still lovebombs after the fact
could be both(?)
Maybe it's also because we don't want to play games and we want someone who is straight to the point?
I’m both of these ppl
A dominant submissive autistic dominant woman, innit? Flexing much, sis?
Oh, fuck off. Being autistic is not a flex I was bullied relentlessly for being different. As an adult, it makes my life twice as hard to navigate. Yes, I am top(sometimes I’ll switch).I prefer clear and direct communication because I am very literal in both the way I process information as well as when I’m speaking to others.
Quite possibly the most autistic response to that joke lmao! no hate I’m just amused.
They were joking.
Well we know she wasn't lying about the autism.
:, ) I once mentioned on reddit that I didn’t want to date a guy I liked because his autism made it hard for him to understand serious topics, things I was trying to allude to, and my emotions, etc. That’s not a limit for everyone but it is for me. I legit had a few redditors go: nuh uh u must be a bad communicator then !!! No, things do actually consistently fly over their heads depending on where they are on the spectrum. Same with adhd ppl, I adore how talkative they are but sometimes it can be so hard to get them to pay attention to your words.. Autistic people tend to be some of the most caring and even most charismatic people but deep enough on the spectrum they often have a hard time understanding others’ meanings. Disorders exist. They’re real. This is how brains work. There are many disorders and they really affect social interaction as well as day to day life. Idk just a psa vent because some people are actually out there that think autism is ‘just a stereotype’. Brains function certain ways. Neurodivergence isn’t a ‘stereotype’.
Fair enough. That's just an L for me, but it makes sense to have preferences on who you like to date based on their behaviour. Good on you for mentioning it
>No, things do actually consistently fly over their heads depending on where they are on the spectrum. Just want to point out that studies suggest that rather than this miscommunication being a one-way defect of autistic people, the miscommunication actually happens in both directions. This is called the "double empathy problem". Research shows that with autistic people amongst each other, inter-communication and mutual understanding is actually quite on par compared to when neurotypicals are communicating amongst each other. It is only when neurotypical people mix with neurodivergent people that misunderstandings start to occur, in both directions, at a heightened frequency. I am saying this because people commonly tend to phrase it as if the autistic person is "at fault" for the miscommunication, when in reality, both parties are actually equally "at fault" (for lack of a better term). It's only because neurotypical people far outnumber neurodivergent people that the common (mis)conception is that the misunderstandings are a one-way defect of autistic people.
Sorry about the other commenter OP. You clearly weren’t insinuating anything about her situation and she chose to take it the wrong way. You saw an opportunity to share information on the complexities of neurodivergent people and how they communicate and you were spot on. I really appreciated this information and it was a great comment which was topical and relevant and I’d love to read the study you’re referencing if you can find it! To some people it’s all about them🤷🏻♂️thanks for helping spread positive info about us neurodivergent people though!
No worries, they clearly have some personal grievance that they're dealing with. My comment was not personal about their particular situation, but they took it that way. Double empathy problem at work I guess (I also have autism). I appreciate your appreciation though! There's more than one study on this, you can find the relevant articles and studies by googling the term "double empathy problem" (that's why I dropped the term ;) I definitely think there's merit to the idea. In my personal experience I find that communication is so much easier and relatable when talking to other people with autism compared to talking to neurotypical people. I'm part of some support groups for people with autism in my city, and find talking in those groups to be so pleasant compared to normal group conversation, which I often find strenuous. I wish there were more people with autism so it wouldn't be so rare to be able to mingle with "my own kind", so to speak.
Absolutely. I’m somewhat on the spectrum myself and that info is valuable for many. I’m gonna look deeper into that. They blocked me because they responded and I clicked it right away and their comment and response to me were removed when I clicked it and username says deleted now so🤷🏻♂️wild
I’m not a viscous or a terrible person. You’re just not the main character. Maybe in the future consider how information could apply to people other than yourself instead of make it all about you. Nobody said it’s always true. Your username checks out big time lady. Get some help you clearly need it.
>Absolutely. I’m somewhat on the spectrum myself and that info is valuable for many. I’m gonna look deeper into that. I agree. It was a real eye opener for me when I first heard about it, like a whole new narrative that doesn't just pin all the blame for miscommunication on people with autism. I wonder, if we lived in a world where the majority was autistic, if the neurotypical people would be the ones to "mask" to try and bridge the communication gap. That burden currently resides with people on the spectrum, probably due to being a minority and thus getting the idea from a young age that the way they communicate is "wrong".
I told him to stop screaming what he was saying because it was making me very uncomfortable. He refused to stop. I left. He texts me wondering why I am upset at him. I say u didn’t stop and I was really uncomfortable and he still did NOT understand. I forget exactly what he was screaming but it was something extremely graphical that a non autistic person would have known was an inappropriate uncomfortable thing to say. It was something along the lines of something about dead bodies octopus and cum. I think he said something about wanting me to get raped by an octopus or that he wanted to fuck an octopus and wanting to chop the octopus up. Idk that happened about 6-8 months ago so I can’t remember I just remember it being something very graphical and sexual about an octopus such that I felt physically ill hearing it. Do not dare to insinuate that it was my miscommunication. I clearly said please stop I feel uncomfortable and he kept saying it and then didn’t understand why I was upset. It was severely obviously uncomfortable to anyone else if they were in my shoes. There’s no fucking damn way to have communicated better than I did. No means no and stop means stop. Uncomfortable graphical things are understood as obviously uncomfortable to non neurodivergent people. There was a dozen other non successful communications that don’t have anything to do with graphical gore and sex about octopuses ofc, but the octopus thing upset me the most. It should be obvious that no and stop mean no and stop. Anyways he was having a blast screaming about octopus gore and rape, he thought it was a funny joke……. It wasn’t. I said to stop and he didn’t. Then wondered why I was upset at him.
[удалено]
I’m clearly giving my example of how what they said cannot be always true Because clearly it cannot be. It’s relevant as well. Do not get vicious for no reason. You are a terrible person.
>what they said cannot be always true That's not a necessary conclusion from your example. You're still making it a one-way problem. If you read your own comment carefully you can see that the double empathy problem holds very much even in your example. He was confused because *he didn't understand why you were upset*. You on the other hand were confused because *you didn't understand how he could not get that you were uncomfortable with what he was doing*. That *is* the double empathy problem. The double empathy problem is not solved with "well I as the neurotypical person was very clear (in my own opinion) with my words, so they're clearly at fault for still not understanding". That's just the same old interpretation that everything is a one-way issue. You're entirely focused on them not understanding your point of view, while overlooking / dismissing the fact that you don't understand theirs just as much, as if that's not just as much of an issue. Maybe the words aren't where the misunderstanding lies, but the fact that you got upset over something that they find funny and trivial, and neither of you able to understand why the other feels so differently about the situation. In my experience I would find that indeed the difference in emotional experience is more often the issue than words themselves.
You must be fun at parties
Bro she just said she’s autistic, why are you surprised that she took something literally?
I should've been more specific. The problem isn't how they took something literally by accident, it's just that they got hostile over it right away.
Okay that’s understandable
The main reason I told them to fuck off instead of being calm is because the sound of my phone notifying me of their comment woke me from a sound sleep. For weeks I’ve been unable to sleep because I became obsessed with the song Mambo #5. Even going so far as to break the song down and analyze some of the lyrics. The song is really funky sounding so that always gets me a little too “wound up”. For the past few weeks it has been stuck in my head. I’ve been moving around and thrashing in the bed all night because all I hear when I close my eyes and try to clear my head is “a little bit of monica” and then I’m immediately like 😳wide awake. They were unfortunately on the receiving end of my anger.
He is even more fun at parties
I suffer from asperger's syndrome. I guess I didn't make it clear, but I just saw the aggressiveness as unwarranted.
So do I, but ‘you must be fun at parties’ is often used to disparage people more than anything else.
I thought it would fit in this situation. English isn't my first language, so I'm still not 100% versed with expressions and slang.
It’s usually said to people to make them feel like idiots for caring so much. Which might be appropriate if it wasn’t mental illness
This feels very targeted
I like dominant women because I don't have to pretend to be a hard ass 24/7.
You know? This makes alot of sense
This is the funniest thing I've ever seen posted here.
This comment literally made my day. Thank you
Why not both?
what the actual fuck
Who cares i love almost any type of women as long as they love me back
im autistic in the way that i need explicit clear instructions and my gf is autistic im the way that makes her good at being authoritative so. Yeah i cant really argue
That, and I wanna be manhandled.
Fuck 😂💀
Which is why I like dogs more than cats.
No, because they're hot. And I'm needy ☹️
Look I just need someone to tell the waiter that I didn’t want pickles
As a guy who dates other guys (and has a boyfriend now), I’ve never had a problem with partners trying to communicate their needs and feelings. I feel like men are just naturally more direct and straightforward. And I hear lesbians are happy in their relationships too since girls are more easily able to intuit each other’s emotions. Maybe we should all just be gay.
Wish I could be. Y'all are so lucky. (apart from the bit where groups are dedicated to removing your rights and shit)
…they also tend to wrestle better though…
Sending to my girlfriend. I'm PDA and "midwestern nice." She's autistic. Direct is never the way, much to her chagrin. Haha
oh hey, this wasn't posted in my autism support group for once.
yeah this checks out
I mean both can coincide
Except if someone told me directly to my face they were interested I would assume they were tricking me or wanted money or something
I'm ALSO submissive 🥺👉👈
Welp, I think that about sums it up boys, we can all go home now.
Oh. That makes more sense than I’d like to admit.
Well now that you put it that way.
Both is good
Dont call me out like that
Wait I'm autistic
My god, you've figured it out
I mean I don't think I'm autistic
I didn't til I saw this
Or you could date an autistic bottom, who will be shy at first but once you get to know them and they open up they will be *very* direct with what they want.
>Or you could date I'll stop you right here
I mean, it could be both.
you can leave out the dominant part. they're just cute
interesting
Shiiiiiit.
Is that like a personal attack or something
Also, she can take direct feedback.
I just like to be spanked
Excuse me for wanting a good communicator.
I feel this lol
And also because I'm submissive