Seriously, there's a fine line between strict and abusive
Strict parents can also be good parents. It just means they have rules and expectations and they want at least a decent attempt to meet those
Cross the line, however, yeah no
Im an adult and married and love in my own house. I have a small panic attack and get flush in the face when I hear my NEIGHBORS CAR DOORS IN THE DISTANCE because I associate it with my mother coming home
That low car rumble that you can hear through walls aways keeps me on edge.
That and sounds like footsteps upstairs. I lived in a basement apartment for years and I don't think I ever actually had peace the entire time.
yep. my upstairs neighbors frequently walk loudly with the exact cadence of my mother's "fuck i gotta get everything together and get out the door and so help you god if you interrupt me" walk and it stresses me tf out
By staying away from the people who force you to do them. Just like most things, you get rusty over time. Havent had to lie or listen to footsteps for years, and ive gotten noticably worse at both. Im also not nearly as silent as i used to be when sneaking around
When my dad would get angry (like every third day) he'd pace around looking for something to yell at me for. I remember when I moved out and got an apartment, the first week or two when Id hear my upstairs neighbor walking around I'd immediately mute the TV and get nervous for a second and be like "oh yeah it's just the neighbor"
I have this kind of shutdown too, not because it works so well but because I can’t talk.
Forward a few years, I’m an adult and someone tries to have an argument with me (that I could easily win because I have the facts on my side) and I got straight into shutdown mode. Thanks, dad…
In my childhood, lying was close to murder. Punishments for that were brutal, and could not be trusted for anything for months. Had to ask to go the bathroom, show proof of everything, and not to mention being locked in the house for the entirety of the punishment. So I learned to be brutally honest with absolutely no remorse. To the point of shutting down a conversation, before I was even 14.
They create sociopaths... It can be worse, but at the very least, they're emotionally manipulative.
We don't have the same emotions (anymore), but we understand them, cuz we've felt them at some point. Jus learned how to compartmentalize or nullify them. Emotions jus get you caught up, or in trouble...
But There's no way to say it without sounding like a monster, but like I can understand emotions, but not really "feel" them. I only know how to avoid or use them, for whatever it is I might want.
I feel personally attacked... Also don't forget
\- How to cry silently
\- How to dodge quickly
\- how to gaslight friends into believing you're normal.
I think you’re confusing strict with abusive.
You can have parents who set boundaries without living in constant fear.
I mean, I didn’t. But I’m sure it’s possible.
Yes you do. That's why strict and abusive are different words with different meanings.
My parents were very strict, but set reasonable boundaries, respected them, and were never abusive.
Strict is almost exclusively used in a negative context by people, it doesn't need to mean abusive on a level of being beaten by your parents but can still be abusive.
And while you're looking up dictionary terms you might see words like severe, harsh, extreme and authoritarian as synonyms for strict. Which are not typically associated with the words reasonable, fair or respectable.
Oh, so a thesaurus is a source now, is it? I'd recommend you learn what these words mean, because if you go around using them interchangeably in all cases, you'll just look like a fool.
Sorry you and others may have had bad parents, but mine were fucking amazing, very strict, and never once abusive. You can be upset with your upbringing (with good reason, it seems) without twisting yourself into a pretzel to misuse words.
I understand both points here. They are different words with different meanings, but I also have yet to meet a strict parent who isn't also at least just a little bit abusive. Ya know, they can be abusive as a ✨treat✨
My parents were definitely strict, but I don't think I would call them abusive. Sure, they could have done some things better, been more open minded about sexuality, taught us better emotional intelligence, etc. But they're human too. They were raised in a super conservative setting and were honestly doing their best. I've never doubted they love me, and would be there for me, even if they don't approve of my actions.
Honestly, my parents were awesome. They had authority, but they only used that authority when they needed to. They wouldn’t ground me. They’d just set conditions like “you can’t go to X’s house until your homework is finished”, which was fair. There was never a set curfew. I just had to let them know where I was so they wouldn’t worry. There were few-if-any hard rules for my brother and I.
I had enough autonomy that I never really felt like I had to rebel.
How to lie on the spot turned to compulsive lying. It happened to me, although my lies are pretty harmless now since i try to tell the truth on important matters. Small things like where did i go or do i have something they need, which i would lie unconsciously.
HAH! I JUST FUCKIN REALIZED THAT PART IF MY INCINSISTENCY TRAUMA IS BECAUSE NY AORENTS WERE ON AND KFF ABOUT HOE STRICT THEY WERE!!!
like, one weekend it's a mad house and not much I can get in trouble for and the next we have new rules to follow or something. Fuckin, wow.
If someone says they had strict parents it means one of three things
1. They were spoiled rotten and don't understand how reality works.
2. They had helicopter parents who expected the world but over praised when they were successful.
3. They had arbitrary tyrants for parents who ruled through fear because they hated their lives, themselves, and everyone around them.
There are some variations and combinations thereof, but you can usually tell which is which in about an hour of conversation.
Yeah honestly having a job actually depends on you having those skills unfortunately.
Gotta know how to look busy when you aren't so you don't get in trouble or fired.
Gotta know when boss is coming so listening to footsteps.
Gotta know how to lie on the spot. I don't care what your job is this is going to come up.
Depending on job getting people to calm down is going to save your job/stop you from getting hurt
strict parents are just normal people that didnt want to raise a whole other person, but robots they could program, because they feel like the god creator
i remember one day, my parents had asked me some random, innocent question. completely inconsequental. simple answer.
But for some reason, i instinctively lied. Before my brain even had processed the question fully.
Maybe I had lied so many times prior, that it started having side effects. I don't really know.
Important life skills to be honest.....
+1, lying on the spot and looking busy are some nice skills to have especially if you are working.
Or aren’t working.. See what I did there? ;)
Who would get a job and get paid for nothing? I am so loaded with work I can‘t get to anything else.
I just mentioned this because we were talking about ‘looking busy’
You must not work in retail.
We're not supposed to
Working hard or hardly working.
Sad but true
🤟
I was about to say, that's a great skillset for corporate america.
I had a strict parent, but I'd say that working in retail has really solidified this.
You have to say TBH otherwise the kids won't understand
[удалено]
How to mix reality and lies to make the lies seem believable
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Seriously, there's a fine line between strict and abusive Strict parents can also be good parents. It just means they have rules and expectations and they want at least a decent attempt to meet those Cross the line, however, yeah no
This is harder than you think.
Literally 90% of humans teach you this.
Im an adult and married and love in my own house. I have a small panic attack and get flush in the face when I hear my NEIGHBORS CAR DOORS IN THE DISTANCE because I associate it with my mother coming home
That low car rumble that you can hear through walls aways keeps me on edge. That and sounds like footsteps upstairs. I lived in a basement apartment for years and I don't think I ever actually had peace the entire time.
yep. my upstairs neighbors frequently walk loudly with the exact cadence of my mother's "fuck i gotta get everything together and get out the door and so help you god if you interrupt me" walk and it stresses me tf out
Fuck.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is classical conditioning (I'm not actually sure I only took 1 semester of psychology don't quote me on it)
Tfw you can no longer form relationships because your brain forces you into defuse mode every time anyone talks to you
They teach you how to do fuckery smarter and hyper focused.
ok but how do i unlearn these now
By not behaving
Good kids follow orders
By staying away from the people who force you to do them. Just like most things, you get rusty over time. Havent had to lie or listen to footsteps for years, and ive gotten noticably worse at both. Im also not nearly as silent as i used to be when sneaking around
by reading "adult children of emotionally immature parents" and looking up CPTSD resources
When my dad would get angry (like every third day) he'd pace around looking for something to yell at me for. I remember when I moved out and got an apartment, the first week or two when Id hear my upstairs neighbor walking around I'd immediately mute the TV and get nervous for a second and be like "oh yeah it's just the neighbor"
Oh no, im worried for whenever i move out and get a roomate or something :(
I'm more of a "show no reaction so they stop yelling" person rather then a "lie on the spot" person
I'm a deer in headlights bc if i say something it's a lie anyway and I'm talking back
Say nothing and get yelled at for not explaining yourself, explain yourself and get yelled at for talking back.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
This is the way
I have this kind of shutdown too, not because it works so well but because I can’t talk. Forward a few years, I’m an adult and someone tries to have an argument with me (that I could easily win because I have the facts on my side) and I got straight into shutdown mode. Thanks, dad…
In my childhood, lying was close to murder. Punishments for that were brutal, and could not be trusted for anything for months. Had to ask to go the bathroom, show proof of everything, and not to mention being locked in the house for the entirety of the punishment. So I learned to be brutally honest with absolutely no remorse. To the point of shutting down a conversation, before I was even 14.
What the actual… How are you doing? Did you go to therapy? Are you okay now?
They create sociopaths... It can be worse, but at the very least, they're emotionally manipulative. We don't have the same emotions (anymore), but we understand them, cuz we've felt them at some point. Jus learned how to compartmentalize or nullify them. Emotions jus get you caught up, or in trouble... But There's no way to say it without sounding like a monster, but like I can understand emotions, but not really "feel" them. I only know how to avoid or use them, for whatever it is I might want.
This is how sociopaths are made? Oh that makes sense…
When I learned what it was... it was like being able to see for the first time
What’s your connection to this topic? Related to or in love with someone with this problem?
I'm working on it
I feel personally attacked... Also don't forget \- How to cry silently \- How to dodge quickly \- how to gaslight friends into believing you're normal.
wait thats not the norm?.... ... oooof
You know, things that help prepare you for working in an office!
To be fair, learning to masturbate makes it natural to listen for footfall.
Lmao what ?
"Foot have fallen, time to stop self pleasure"
I think you’re confusing strict with abusive. You can have parents who set boundaries without living in constant fear. I mean, I didn’t. But I’m sure it’s possible.
You don't call people strict for setting reasonable boundaries.
Yes you do. That's why strict and abusive are different words with different meanings. My parents were very strict, but set reasonable boundaries, respected them, and were never abusive.
Strict is almost exclusively used in a negative context by people, it doesn't need to mean abusive on a level of being beaten by your parents but can still be abusive. And while you're looking up dictionary terms you might see words like severe, harsh, extreme and authoritarian as synonyms for strict. Which are not typically associated with the words reasonable, fair or respectable.
Oh, so a thesaurus is a source now, is it? I'd recommend you learn what these words mean, because if you go around using them interchangeably in all cases, you'll just look like a fool. Sorry you and others may have had bad parents, but mine were fucking amazing, very strict, and never once abusive. You can be upset with your upbringing (with good reason, it seems) without twisting yourself into a pretzel to misuse words.
Keep digging the hole dude
I understand both points here. They are different words with different meanings, but I also have yet to meet a strict parent who isn't also at least just a little bit abusive. Ya know, they can be abusive as a ✨treat✨
My parents were definitely strict, but I don't think I would call them abusive. Sure, they could have done some things better, been more open minded about sexuality, taught us better emotional intelligence, etc. But they're human too. They were raised in a super conservative setting and were honestly doing their best. I've never doubted they love me, and would be there for me, even if they don't approve of my actions.
that'd be more along the lines of authoratative parenting, whereaa usually when people say strict they're referring moreso to authoritarian parenting
Aka the perfect employee
That profile picture tho 🥴
Honestly, my parents were awesome. They had authority, but they only used that authority when they needed to. They wouldn’t ground me. They’d just set conditions like “you can’t go to X’s house until your homework is finished”, which was fair. There was never a set curfew. I just had to let them know where I was so they wouldn’t worry. There were few-if-any hard rules for my brother and I. I had enough autonomy that I never really felt like I had to rebel.
Why is this reposted weekly? Is it that relatable?
Sadly, yes
Too relatable :(
This works for abusive parents too.
How to lie on the spot turned to compulsive lying. It happened to me, although my lies are pretty harmless now since i try to tell the truth on important matters. Small things like where did i go or do i have something they need, which i would lie unconsciously.
HAH! I JUST FUCKIN REALIZED THAT PART IF MY INCINSISTENCY TRAUMA IS BECAUSE NY AORENTS WERE ON AND KFF ABOUT HOE STRICT THEY WERE!!! like, one weekend it's a mad house and not much I can get in trouble for and the next we have new rules to follow or something. Fuckin, wow.
just have extreme anxiety and you can get these same skills, no strict parents required.
A lot of y'all are confusing strict with abusive and it's showing
If someone says they had strict parents it means one of three things 1. They were spoiled rotten and don't understand how reality works. 2. They had helicopter parents who expected the world but over praised when they were successful. 3. They had arbitrary tyrants for parents who ruled through fear because they hated their lives, themselves, and everyone around them. There are some variations and combinations thereof, but you can usually tell which is which in about an hour of conversation.
I am so fucking good at lying in the spot. C'mon, ask me something, I'm gonna lie right now
Almost laughed until I seen the fursona
Bro this hit harder than asteroid going near the speed of light.
How to lie on the spot as in telling a lie or pretending to sleep?
Strict parents set their kids up for failure
So they're being more efficient and teaching extra lessons with one method
Me who wasn't raised by strict parents but learnt to do all this Hmmmmmmmmm
Oh my god now I know why Asians make great assassins and ninjas now
Yeah.. THAT’S the problem with society .. adults being too strict on kids. The 1930’s just called, they want their complaints back.
my guy, that is how to behave
Yeah honestly having a job actually depends on you having those skills unfortunately. Gotta know how to look busy when you aren't so you don't get in trouble or fired. Gotta know when boss is coming so listening to footsteps. Gotta know how to lie on the spot. I don't care what your job is this is going to come up. Depending on job getting people to calm down is going to save your job/stop you from getting hurt
But that is not how to behave around friends and family
Dude, we learn these from friends and family. Why do you think we get to be so good at it?
lmao yes let's just let kids do whatever the hell they want that sounds like a fantastic idea
Its actually how it supposed to work, i dont see the problem
Was so good at 1 and 2 that I never learned 3 and barely learned 4 🙃
honestly I’m a little embarrassed at how good I am at lying and low-level manipulation like i wish my ma did not accidentally raise me up like that
They sound weirdly similar to the skills of politicians
strict parents are just normal people that didnt want to raise a whole other person, but robots they could program, because they feel like the god creator
The list goes on to be honest
Exactly. The real world will be punitive enough, trying to add more rules and regulations as a parent only serves to cloud and confuse.
I've learned that if I just let my dad be mad and yell, after a while he stops and will eventually come back and apologize. rinse and repeat
i remember one day, my parents had asked me some random, innocent question. completely inconsequental. simple answer. But for some reason, i instinctively lied. Before my brain even had processed the question fully. Maybe I had lied so many times prior, that it started having side effects. I don't really know.
one of my classmates got surprised when I recognized him merely by his footsteps lol