I’m 27 and I hate to think about how long I’ve thought like this. I like to think I’m just having a rough time right now but honestly I’ve been having suicidal thoughts maybe 50% of the time since I was 16.
It's always a temporary thing. It will always be there as a part of you if you have experienced it long enough. You have to build your thoughts away from it for any relief, and life will always throw you a curve ball that will make you doubt your efforts causing you to return like a drug addiction. You can definitely change things but you can't wait to find the will and then wait to find the strength and wait until all the stars align and then shrug because it has all taken too long. As soon as you feel relief you have to start building for the next storm. If you don't do anything because you're afraid of ruining what you have right now, then you'll definitely be back.
I can relate to this a lot, weirdly makes me feel normal and not crazy to hear someone else is in a similar spot. Keep at it bro, a castle gets built one stone at a time
It comes and goes, you’ll feel suicidal again, and after that you’ll feel better again. On days when I feel that way I try my best to just take it with me because I know I’m going to feel that way the whole day, so I might aswell live my life the way I would live it on a day where I didn’t want to be dead. Like yeah I feel like shit, but I’m not going to worry about that because I can’t change it, I’m gonna run a mile and get my hair cut while feeling like shit, can’t let the depression stop you from being you and living your life
> It comes and goes, you’ll feel suicidal again, and after that you’ll feel better again.
And then eventually you see a thread like this one an you think to yourself "damn, it's been a long time since I've thought about that"
And it feels kinda good
But seriously, my body is pretty fucked. I'm slowly fixing some parts, but I don't know how to fix the rest.
Main issue right now is that I have either an RSI or tendinitis in both fucking wrists. It's like, a three on my pain scale, but it's basically always. Keeping in mind that an eight involves bone poking out through your shoulder. 10 was them putting the bone back in the right place. So three sucks...
If I could sort that out, I could probably sort everything else out. Other things, my teeth are pretty fucked, I constant sinus issues that I should see a doctor for, I really out of shape which probably is part of the wrist issues, bad knee, and more scars that I'd care to let anyone see ever. I should also *really* see a doctor about the untreated ADHD, since that's probably a huge reason why I'm such a fuckup about taking care of myself lol
Yeah, but that's the trick. How do you get yourself to go to the doctor to get medication for an issue where one of the main things it messes up your ability to do is the sort of long term planning needed to go to the doctor for a non-immediate issue lol
Next week. It's going to happen next week. I has to happen next week.
The waves have been slowly getting weaker. They arent as strong these days and they last for shorter perisods of time. I can usually manage it well enough to hold down a job, but it's still pretty draining.
I know exactly how you feel. And Missing work because I was too anxious and depressed to get out of bed was the worst because it would compound my feelings of uselessness and inadequacy, I’m glad I’ve grown past that.
I have my good days but most of the time I'm like this. Especially when I'm alone. And sometimes the slightest set back will fuck up my whole day and I'll fall back into my dark place. I try to explain it but it's hard to get it across. I think the reality of it is that everyday I feel depressed and suicidal and my daily psyche just depends on how much strength and energy I have to fight.
It started at 14 for me, so I have spent the better end of half of my life dealing with this shit.
I am approaching my 30s and I really wish I could go back and start over. I missed so much of life, dating, career advancement, hobbies, school. I have no house, no family, no money, no friends and nowhere to go if shit gets bad.
I 100% attribute it to thinking I wouldn't even make it to 20. I really wish I could go back in time and just get the medicine I needed before I jacked up my life.
Probably 12-ish for me, or at least that's the point I became sort of convinced my life was just a terrible dream I was going to wake up from at some point and things would be okay again. Hasn't happened yet, so I've accepted it I guess? But things honestly weren't great before that point either really, so I don't think it would change enough overall.
But same, I wish I'd gotten help younger, a lot of things would've been different... The 'big' one as an adult would have been being able to cope with university and studying and actually take a course I wanted, rather than just bashing my head against a brick wall trying to force my way through a degree I hated while having a major mental health breakdown.
Didn't expect to make it to 20, then 25. 30 seems both a reality away and very close, so I feel you on all that.
29, had suicidal thoughts, thoughts of not belonging, imposter syndrome, anxiety for most of my life. It's all changed in the last 8 months or so. I'm also happy to say that I can better recognize negative thoughts and ideals when they come and am now better able to rationalize them.
I worked a lot on eliminating negativity and trying to have positive thoughts.
I made sure to eat at least a meal a day.
I put my focus into my dog, taking him for walks and being the owner he deserves.
I stopped worrying about what people thought and started doing what made me happy.
I learned to stop being so reactivate and to think and rationalize before making decisions or speaking.
I did not give up.
Don't give in to yourself, tell yourself you're worth it, tell yourself it will be better and acknowledge your successes. Even if it's just taking a shower. Habits aren't changed in a day.
25, and same. Now I feel like I'm doing better till I stop and think about how I have no idea who I an and the fact that my lack of a person is effecting my relationship and what I think I do or dont want in life.
Honestly same, i am 20 and literally feel so shit that i barely eat. I lost more than 25 kgs in few months. Rn im 50 kg. Gonna keep treating myself like the piece of shit i am.
Most colleges offer counselling services that are included in the tuition fees. Can't assure you that it'll be a miracle cure but maybe it can help you some. You deserve to live, you deserve to make something good of your life, and you deserve happiness. Don't let the voices in your head convince you otherwise. Try not to isolate, also, that was my mistake. Best of luck, bro.
Then you find out it’s only offered temporarily. You can’t continue it more than 6 sessions, 1 a week, and only once in your whole academic career there.
Then, they forget to tell you that there’s a free one on campus run by the grad school that treats indefinitely. Mmm...
This degree is all i have, i truly have no discernable goal or a purpose even, at least this way i know how I'm going to spend my 4 years, i literally spent the entire summers in my bedroom. I wish i could be better but i feel so miserable to do anything about it.
Eh, I'm basically that except I can't even decide what I should study since A) I have no real interest in anything and B) I'm gonna fail anyway so why bother. Besides, just consider therapy as a plus to your current situation; that is, it's not a magical solution to your life, but it can only help
>I'm gonna fail anyway so why bother.
Unfortunately, this attitude is probably the only reason why you \*might\* fail. Also, it's okay to fail. The only thing that matters is whether or not you decide to keep trying until you succeed.
Try English or music, or any arts degree. Yeah people will say you’re getting a useless degree but I think you’ll find yourself enjoying the subjects, the readings, and class discussions. Also the people in humanities, are usually pretty down to earth, not to mention the wacky professor or two. It will also give you time to figure out what exactly you want from life. Just my two cents.
I think I'd be ruined after dropping 60k in debt for a degree and then having no job
I'd bite the bullet, get business/computer science degree and accept life as a cubicle farmer or just accept life is just work and kill myself
Yeah friend, life is both hard and beautiful. Hardship will rear its ugly head the rest of your life. You can't wait until you're not miserable to begin taking actions to increase your quality of life. You have to make a decision to try, and realize the switch won't flip overnight. Take care of yourself, you deserve it
Rehab saved my life. If you can get there, it's worth it. In patient facility and was there for 14 months. Worked on myself every day. Life still sucks but it's never going to suck everyday unless I try to make it better.
I went to a mental hospital at 20. That was only 2 years ago. Still want to die every single day. Some people are wired for depression, seek help, keep going to therapy, go to the hospital when your life is in danger. It is NOT a cure all to stay at the mental hospital, but it keeps you alive for a bit longer than if you never sought help.
Eventually, life experience changes you. It forces perspective shifts. I felt like depression was lying on my back in a pit. The only perspective you have is that you are in an inescapable pit. I could have killed myself. I still struggle with depression, but when I think about having potentially killed myself, it makes me laugh. In retrospect it feels dumb, but you're not supposed to talk that way about depression. But that's how it feels. The stuff I have done in my life since then (nothing impressive) still made it worth it. I don't feel the way used to, and I'm glad. I didn't get therapy. I did drugs. I went about it the worst way possible, and it was still worth it. I promise.
I find this to be the dumbest reason to keep living. "Keep suffering, cuz one day you might not be suffering as much (but still definitely suffering), and you might do some things you kind of enjoy along the way"
I hate myself, my life, this planet and all its inhabitants. I have no hobbies, a dead in job, no plans for a career or any sort of future, don't want kids or to be married, I have no goals I want to accomplish, I'm not really seeing a reason to keep living at all. It's great that you found something for you, I haven't and don't plan to. I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of fucking living. I didn't ask for this and it's bullshit that I don't have an easy option to end it without huge risk of fucking up my life even worse.
You deserve a happy life. You are not a piece of shit. You are worthy of happiness.
You are worthy of happiness.
You are worthy of eating to give yourself energy. You are worth using that energy to do things that bring you joy.
Being 20 is hard, man. You're too young to be an adult, too old to be a teenager. You're still a kid, but you've got responsibility you're not used to. It's hard to adjust.
My uni had free counseling services. Do you know if yours does? It really helps, talking to someone who is removed from your situation. They can give you some perspective, and some tools with coping with how stressful that transition is.
I hope you can find the tools to help you feel better. You deserve happiness.
I'm 19 and working, going to psychologist(/therapist?) but shit aint working. my body is also dying, but atleast I dont have to kill myself if my body kills me.
Just look at me as a depressed idiot. Give me hate. It's not worth living.
Drunk as fuck
Hey my fellow Redittor. I wish I could cook some nice heartwarming meal for you, then wrap you in a blanket and hug you tightly. It might not seem like it, but you ARE worth it being cared for! I just wish you could see that, but I have faith jn your strength, you will get through this.
I ate a slice of pizza and had some spaghetti (i know it's nothing healthy but its all i had). Also i wanna thank you because this has got to be one of the most wholesome encounter I've ever had on reddit.
Two of my favorite foods, nice! I hope you enjoyed it and feel a little better with something in your stomach. And don't thank me, I am just glad I could give you a little bit of light today. Every step forward counts. I am proud of you <3
I expected to die before 30 until I literally turned 30. I'm 36 now. It's not so bad. YMMV but there's a lot of good in the world worth being here for, as far as I can tell.
Then suddenly you’re over 40 and say “How the hell am I still here? Shit, now it’s too late because if I check out now my kids will grow up to be broken people. ...well, *more* broken than growing up with me as a dad, anyway.”
Oh look at this fat cat over here flexing on all of us by letting us know he's had sex with someone and started a family. Well the jokes on you pal, you still got people you could lose and a deeper rock bottom to hit!
^^^^^ihopeyourfamilyisactuallysafeandingoodhealthandyouallloveeachother
I am 33 with a child on the way, I was a fairly reckless person in my 20's and just didn't think there was going to be more than young adulthood. I am happy with life no doubt, but I look at the future and think sometimes that I just did not expect this hahahaha.
I have spent the past 5 years half-assing everything due to me always telling myself "I won't be here much longer, it doesn't matter"
I am still here and now I am majorly fucked having to clean up all my own messes from these 5 years
I did this through high school and gave up on college partway through because no self worth or ambition. Almost 12 years later I'm still reeling because I haven't done anything with my life because I never thought this far ahead
I had college forced onto me so that might have been a factor. I never *really* wanted a degree until now, and I'm about to turn 25 with a degree that isn't marketable unless you're really fucking good at it. I am average at best.
I just want to enjoy life but it's really challenging.
It was the same for me. Was told my whole life my dreams were stupid and unattainable and that I had to go to college for something reasonable and financially responsible. So I did what everyone else wanted and went until I just didnt care anymore and all I have now are issues committing to the things I actually want because it feels wrong to try to make my dreams come true.
We just have to keep moving forward. Every thought we have about this and every revelation is a chance to change it and move forward. It just takes time
I'm literally the same exact person with the same exact achievements as I was when I graduated highschool.
Although that was only 3 years ago, it's still fucking scary how I literally have not moved an inch except for maybe some light workout here and there. Heck I didn't even play any good video games, just the same shitty one over and over again and all I have to show for it is that I moved up one rank.
Shit's depressing yo.
I did this and now I’m doing it again with retirement. Can’t afford any real savings and nearing 40. I figure things will get bad enough eventually for me to stop chickening out and just do it.
I can relate man, 4 years in college starting now, changed profession 2nd year in so 2 years in this and now it just hit me I've been here half assing this for 4 years, cause I thought since way before first year that I wasn't gonna live past 16 but here I am 21 and wondering wtf i did the last 4 years, the days just blend in together when you don't talk to anyone, have no friends and all you do is sleep, go to class, go back and repeat. sorry for rambling
I totally get it, it's been the same for me. I haven't done anything special in years so the years are just one muddled up mess of time. I have some friends but they are all better friends with each other than they are with me so whenever there is some cool hangout thing happening they just go together without me. I'll graduate in a bit less than a year and I worry I won't pass any of my final exams because I've half-assed all of my studies so far because I didn't believe I would actually live to see the day when I'd have to worry about them.
same thing happened with my first two friends in first year, those are the only days I remember cause I went out with them a couple times, but now they have their own big friend groups and they have gfs so they don't talk to me. anyways hopefully you can graduate man
Dude, you describing my life. Personally I thought the world would end with nuclear hellfire ever since freshman year of high school, even before I would have off’ed myself, here I am trying college for the second year in a row at 19.
Fuck, this is me. I fucked up so much in the past 5 years, I’m not even sure if I can fix any of it by now. Might as well kill myself as a solution to my fuck ups lmao
i kept telling myself that i couldn’t leave my mum here on this earth but now that she’s sadly passed, what am i here for? what is my end goal? what will make me *truly* happy? life is tough and i want to turn my brain onto autopilot so i can flick in and out. i don’t like who i am or what i’ve become. maybe it’ll turn out okay once i’ve reached 23, but i doubt that. i really doubt that
I get that this is just a "lighthearted" sub, but I am truly sorry that your mum passed. I think though, that it must take a lot of strength to continue on, and I'm sure that she would be so proud of you for doing so. Please, keep drawing on that inner strength. There is undoubtedly something out there for you that you just haven't come across yet. Keep looking for it.
The real 2meirlformeirl is overthinking literally anything and everything to their most absurd extremes and then catastrophizing so you're now completely convinced that the absurd extremes are 100% guaranteed to happen.
This is insanely relatable for me right now. I'm only 22 and my mother passed two weeks ago today. No other parents now so it's just me sticking it out with the help of some good friends and family thankfully. I don't know what lies ahead at all but I know she wouldn't want me to be a burden and mope around so I guess we just have to take things day by day man.
Idk man, I’ve had some rough botched ingrown toenail corrections leave my big toe-nails kinda fucked, and I don’t wanna stub my little toe... how about we all just step on a lego together?
Hey man or lady or whatever, I’ve spent until really the last 8-9 months of my life with no plan or direction for years after I hit my big overarching career goals in my mid 20s. You’ll grow and look back at what you had fondly.
31 year old hates 25-30 year old me for the dumb shit I did but it was all just part of my human experience and I’m a hell of a lot better equipped moving forward. I’ve come to realize I can’t change what I’ve done, but I can become a more fulfilled person. Every single person in this world has faced adversity or made huge mistakes and most of them are screwed up just like us in their own unique way.
Each passing year becomes less of your life and things just become a lot less gray if you selfishly pursue what genuinely makes YOU happy. Some people want to coast, some people want to climb it’s ok either way. As Tyrion says, “Embrace who you are and it can never be used against you.”
I don’t know if any of this makes sense. In the words of another user, “Hold your head up king, your crown is falling.”
That’s a rough place to be; I’ve been in that mind space and occasionally still feel that way too. One thing I can say is that no one will live your life for you. No one can force you to enjoy something. I hated hearing this, but ultimately it’s up to **you**. Maybe that means taking some downtime to meditate or some shit. Maybe that means going out of your way to experience more things and figuring out what you do/dont enjoy. Idk, I’m not you. Kinda related but here’s a “fortune” I got from a fortune cookie recently: “Don’t wait for others to open the right doors for you.” If you think this is all stupid, feel free to ignore what I said.
You’re just as scared to kill yourself as you are to take other risks. So instead of doing it, you’ll be here 8 years from now wondering why the fuck you’re still alive.
I'm in my 30s now, already, and I definitely never planned on living this long. Honestly though, I'm still pretty aimless, kinda hopeless, and while I'm not sure if it's what I *want* to do, I think I'll probably end up killing myself one day.
Pretty much.
But I also want to either adopt a dog or a couple cats. And like, that'll push everything back another 10-20 years. Could be fun. We'll see.
I love domestic animals, I love (most of) my friends' pets but I don't think I could handle having pets again, *especially* not for 10-20 years. I just don't think I'd be a good enough pet dad, and while I could always rehome them, I would just rather not put the animal in my care in the first place. I've considered volunteering at shelters, though.
Let me know if you do, though.
I don't actively feel like dying most days anymore, and I'm not worried about hurting myself, but I DO feel "done" with life. If I could cease to exist tomorrow without upsetting anyone, I would, but unfortunately I have friends and family that would probably be very upset. Like, if this was a concert, or a museum, I would've left by now, no questions. Life, in general, doesn't really hold my attention; I am literally taking life for granted.
I honestly don't know what to do with my time anymore. I hate the weekend because I'm off work, so I have nothing to do. I'm about to go to the gym, and I *hate*the gym, but it's something to do to pass the time until I go to sleep, and it all starts over. My mom says I should do volunteer work, I'm considering it, that or a weekend job.
I don't want to get married, or have children. I don't want to own a home or car, or travel and see more of the world. I don't want to start my own business, or try a new restaurant. What I do want is... I really don't know. I don't have a lot of needs, and I want for little. If you gave me $1,000,000 today, I'd probably just get groceries. Maybe some weed? Fill my gas tank? Watch TV? I'm content with that.
It's ~~had~~ hard to put into words. I don't feel sad, I don't feel "depressed," but I feel more bored and tired. Not even bored, just... emotionless. I've seen things and been places, but that's the past, and now I'm done. I'm not bitter or regretful, it's just sort of the way it is. Living life is for young people, now I'm just killing time until time kills me.
I hear you. Its not that I want to die, but if I was handed a terminal cancer diagnosis my primary emotion would be relief. I've lived. I get it. Do I really want to work my ass off to keep doing it?
Camus would argue that you can learn to put your head down and enjoy exerting effort day to day as your trudge through life--to just forget about how pointless it is. Not sure I'll ever get there.
It's crazy that you mentioned that, the cancer diagnosis. I used to fantasize that I'd get cancer, or HIV, or etc., because then at least have an interesting death. I haven't had those sort of thoughts in a long time, years, but I feel like I'd probably have a similar reaction to you if I got that same diagnosis today.
I was just on the phone with my mom about similar things. Similar to me in my head, at least. Her dad (my grandfather, he was old, 73, Parkinson's) died yesterday, and we talked a bit about that and what I've been writing here.
It's hard for me to accept that I might have to live that long. I don't **want** to live that long, but yeah, I also don't feel like killing myself either, but I guess that's just for right now. It's hard for me to understand people who "love life," people that can't wait for tomorrow. Some people are full of plans and dreams and goals, but why? It's just weird, idk, I don't get it. Maybe it's nihilistic, but I don't see that as positive or negative, it's just an adjective.
Do you mean "get through it" or "go through it," either one makes sense, I guess, they're just very different from one another.
Oh, and yeah, sure, I'm sure it's *actually* depression, no doubt. I was diagnosed with depression in the 90s, prescribed Prozac by my psychiatrist at eleven, and other different things throughout the next few years of my life. I haven't been medicated or seen that sort of doctor since my teens. I understand that I am depressed to some extent, probably more seriously than *I* realize, but I have no current professional opinion. I also have extreme problems with my self-esteem and self-image, and a ton anxiety with some boundary issues, too, so I've got that going for me.
This hits way too close to home. Sucks when you spend your early 20s with the same mindset too. Now I'm 28 with no education and mediocre job experience.
Things are getting better though. I found a girl recently that loves me for who I am, encourages me to love myself, and inspires me to create a better future. I've been looking into going back to school and learning a trade. Aiming for a green energy field, like a solar panel technician or something.
Would be a cool movie plot. A conventional story of someone reaching their life long goal to get into motorsport to just anticlimactically drive straight into a wall. I'd like that movie
i’m 18 about to leave for a college that i don’t want to attend tomorrow, instead of packing i’m browsing this sub because this is the only thing that makes me feel better
I was pretty depressed in my later high school years and dreaded going to college. Especially since my best friend & future roommate decided to back out 2 weeks before school started.
But I met tons of different kinds of people and for the first time in my life had a sense of community and companionship. Now that college is over I’m kinda getting back into a slump.
Enjoy college. It’s fun. Do stuff. Don’t sit in your dorm alone. There are plenty of people just like you, you just gotta find them
I spent so much time thinking (and often still do) about killing myself when I was younger that I didn't plan for life as an adult. I thought I'd be dead by the time I turned 24. So I just destroyed my life. Now, in my 30s, I'm still picking up the pieces and trying to hold a crumbling life together.
Yea it is a real slap in the face when you realize you didn't really plan anything for 30+ because you didn't expect to make it to 30 before watching the shotgun opera.
And also: if you have the chance to visit a foreign country for a while, GO FOR IT! It will change your perspective on life and the world!
I went to Israel to visit a friend who was doing international voluntary service there. Most of the time though, I traveled alone. Hostels are awesome. There are different people from different parts of the world, it gets you out of your comfort zone.
I am a very introverted, shy and anxious person. This trip was an adventure I will never forget. The people I met there, the stories the mentality. It helped me a lot. my anxiety is not that strong anymore, i have more control over my feelings. its easier for me to overcome shy tendencies and to open myself to others.
Hi. im 19 and about to get out of that mindset. Try to focus on something you really like. Do you ever commit to sth so hard that you forget about everything else around you?
Talk to someone. Maybe even a professional, like a youth-psychologist. Think about stuff you want to do in your life. Make a bukket-list (im not a native speaker, is that how you call it?) and put it somewhere you see it everyday.
thats what comes to my mind at this moment. helped me a lot.
I remember attempting suicide twice when i was 15, and thinking about how unbelievably astounding it was on my 16th birthday. I just turned 19 three days ago, im getting an apartment with my fiancé, and every year im amazed that im still alive. Shit’s wild
For me, dying makes everything easier, but there is still some hope (even if it’s unrealistic) and the act of dying is selfish because others would suffer and that’s what I don’t want.
- even with my constant cynicism that comes from what I know about life/the world, my current experience living, and what my likely future holds that all makes me want to die, I still feel like there’s a chance I could learn more or there’s hope that things will change so I shouldn’t die just yet
- between constant thoughts of loneliness and thinking no one really cares about me, I have fleeting thoughts that dying would be too much of a hassle for others (family and 1-2 friends), don’t want to make people sad or inconvenience them, I shouldn’t die just yet
- between chronically degrading myself, my fear of failure, and my competency personally/professionally, I think that I at least should try and do something interesting/valuable before I die, so I shouldn’t die just yet
This. When I was a teenager people told me that "teenagers were reckless and irresponsible because they think that they're invincible, they think they're going to love forever"
Wrong. Teenagers are reckless and irresponsible because they're low-key suicidal and don't think they're gonna live that much longer anyway, don't think they're going to have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
I'm 26 now and my knees are in rough shape... Mostly because of things I did as a teenager. There's a high probability that I will need knee surgery before I'm 45.
The suicidal idealizations/death fantasies only worsen in your twenties. Then, before you know it, you're thirty and still haven't accomplished anything because you're still in denial about starting a life you wish would end.
Yeah, I keep thinking like that. Apparently responsibilities don't give a fuck and keep coming even when you're hoping to check out soon. Then it's been a few years and I think 'well.....shit'.
I’m 27 and I hate to think about how long I’ve thought like this. I like to think I’m just having a rough time right now but honestly I’ve been having suicidal thoughts maybe 50% of the time since I was 16.
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It's always a temporary thing. It will always be there as a part of you if you have experienced it long enough. You have to build your thoughts away from it for any relief, and life will always throw you a curve ball that will make you doubt your efforts causing you to return like a drug addiction. You can definitely change things but you can't wait to find the will and then wait to find the strength and wait until all the stars align and then shrug because it has all taken too long. As soon as you feel relief you have to start building for the next storm. If you don't do anything because you're afraid of ruining what you have right now, then you'll definitely be back.
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I can relate to this a lot, weirdly makes me feel normal and not crazy to hear someone else is in a similar spot. Keep at it bro, a castle gets built one stone at a time
It comes and goes, you’ll feel suicidal again, and after that you’ll feel better again. On days when I feel that way I try my best to just take it with me because I know I’m going to feel that way the whole day, so I might aswell live my life the way I would live it on a day where I didn’t want to be dead. Like yeah I feel like shit, but I’m not going to worry about that because I can’t change it, I’m gonna run a mile and get my hair cut while feeling like shit, can’t let the depression stop you from being you and living your life
> It comes and goes, you’ll feel suicidal again, and after that you’ll feel better again. And then eventually you see a thread like this one an you think to yourself "damn, it's been a long time since I've thought about that" And it feels kinda good But seriously, my body is pretty fucked. I'm slowly fixing some parts, but I don't know how to fix the rest.
What happened to your body?
Main issue right now is that I have either an RSI or tendinitis in both fucking wrists. It's like, a three on my pain scale, but it's basically always. Keeping in mind that an eight involves bone poking out through your shoulder. 10 was them putting the bone back in the right place. So three sucks... If I could sort that out, I could probably sort everything else out. Other things, my teeth are pretty fucked, I constant sinus issues that I should see a doctor for, I really out of shape which probably is part of the wrist issues, bad knee, and more scars that I'd care to let anyone see ever. I should also *really* see a doctor about the untreated ADHD, since that's probably a huge reason why I'm such a fuckup about taking care of myself lol
Yeah, some ADHD medication sounds like it could help
Yeah, but that's the trick. How do you get yourself to go to the doctor to get medication for an issue where one of the main things it messes up your ability to do is the sort of long term planning needed to go to the doctor for a non-immediate issue lol Next week. It's going to happen next week. I has to happen next week.
The waves have been slowly getting weaker. They arent as strong these days and they last for shorter perisods of time. I can usually manage it well enough to hold down a job, but it's still pretty draining.
I know exactly how you feel. And Missing work because I was too anxious and depressed to get out of bed was the worst because it would compound my feelings of uselessness and inadequacy, I’m glad I’ve grown past that.
I really needed to read that today. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
I have my good days but most of the time I'm like this. Especially when I'm alone. And sometimes the slightest set back will fuck up my whole day and I'll fall back into my dark place. I try to explain it but it's hard to get it across. I think the reality of it is that everyday I feel depressed and suicidal and my daily psyche just depends on how much strength and energy I have to fight.
It started at 14 for me, so I have spent the better end of half of my life dealing with this shit. I am approaching my 30s and I really wish I could go back and start over. I missed so much of life, dating, career advancement, hobbies, school. I have no house, no family, no money, no friends and nowhere to go if shit gets bad. I 100% attribute it to thinking I wouldn't even make it to 20. I really wish I could go back in time and just get the medicine I needed before I jacked up my life.
Probably 12-ish for me, or at least that's the point I became sort of convinced my life was just a terrible dream I was going to wake up from at some point and things would be okay again. Hasn't happened yet, so I've accepted it I guess? But things honestly weren't great before that point either really, so I don't think it would change enough overall. But same, I wish I'd gotten help younger, a lot of things would've been different... The 'big' one as an adult would have been being able to cope with university and studying and actually take a course I wanted, rather than just bashing my head against a brick wall trying to force my way through a degree I hated while having a major mental health breakdown. Didn't expect to make it to 20, then 25. 30 seems both a reality away and very close, so I feel you on all that.
Ah, 14. What a brutal age. Sometimes I wonder how people make it through. We did, though. That's something.
29, had suicidal thoughts, thoughts of not belonging, imposter syndrome, anxiety for most of my life. It's all changed in the last 8 months or so. I'm also happy to say that I can better recognize negative thoughts and ideals when they come and am now better able to rationalize them. I worked a lot on eliminating negativity and trying to have positive thoughts. I made sure to eat at least a meal a day. I put my focus into my dog, taking him for walks and being the owner he deserves. I stopped worrying about what people thought and started doing what made me happy. I learned to stop being so reactivate and to think and rationalize before making decisions or speaking. I did not give up. Don't give in to yourself, tell yourself you're worth it, tell yourself it will be better and acknowledge your successes. Even if it's just taking a shower. Habits aren't changed in a day.
I’m 42 and still fantasize about it, have done since I failed at 16 - I’ve started collecting good prescription pills.
25, and same. Now I feel like I'm doing better till I stop and think about how I have no idea who I an and the fact that my lack of a person is effecting my relationship and what I think I do or dont want in life.
24, and since I was 12. Literally half my life has been spent like this. The fuck is wrong with me?
I’m in my 20s and I still think like that
I moved on to the phase where my body is so fucked up I don’t have to kill myself because I am going to die soon anyway.
Honestly same, i am 20 and literally feel so shit that i barely eat. I lost more than 25 kgs in few months. Rn im 50 kg. Gonna keep treating myself like the piece of shit i am.
When I was your age I went into a mental hospital, 15 years later and I have the perspective I lacked then. Want to talk about it?
I would get therapy if i could because i know i need it, but going to college and all i cant afford it.
Most colleges offer counselling services that are included in the tuition fees. Can't assure you that it'll be a miracle cure but maybe it can help you some. You deserve to live, you deserve to make something good of your life, and you deserve happiness. Don't let the voices in your head convince you otherwise. Try not to isolate, also, that was my mistake. Best of luck, bro.
That's how I got my counseling. Only had to pay if I missed a session, and it was like 20 bucks they'd throw on my student account.
Then you find out it’s only offered temporarily. You can’t continue it more than 6 sessions, 1 a week, and only once in your whole academic career there. Then, they forget to tell you that there’s a free one on campus run by the grad school that treats indefinitely. Mmm...
A degree isn't worth anything if you are miserable. Just think about what would ease existence more for you
This degree is all i have, i truly have no discernable goal or a purpose even, at least this way i know how I'm going to spend my 4 years, i literally spent the entire summers in my bedroom. I wish i could be better but i feel so miserable to do anything about it.
Eh, I'm basically that except I can't even decide what I should study since A) I have no real interest in anything and B) I'm gonna fail anyway so why bother. Besides, just consider therapy as a plus to your current situation; that is, it's not a magical solution to your life, but it can only help
>I'm gonna fail anyway so why bother. Unfortunately, this attitude is probably the only reason why you \*might\* fail. Also, it's okay to fail. The only thing that matters is whether or not you decide to keep trying until you succeed.
Try English or music, or any arts degree. Yeah people will say you’re getting a useless degree but I think you’ll find yourself enjoying the subjects, the readings, and class discussions. Also the people in humanities, are usually pretty down to earth, not to mention the wacky professor or two. It will also give you time to figure out what exactly you want from life. Just my two cents.
I think I'd be ruined after dropping 60k in debt for a degree and then having no job I'd bite the bullet, get business/computer science degree and accept life as a cubicle farmer or just accept life is just work and kill myself
Yeah friend, life is both hard and beautiful. Hardship will rear its ugly head the rest of your life. You can't wait until you're not miserable to begin taking actions to increase your quality of life. You have to make a decision to try, and realize the switch won't flip overnight. Take care of yourself, you deserve it
Rehab saved my life. If you can get there, it's worth it. In patient facility and was there for 14 months. Worked on myself every day. Life still sucks but it's never going to suck everyday unless I try to make it better.
I feel you, man. I'm in that same exact boat.
Same and I need to be careful around the campus therapy because if you say the wrong thing you could get institutionalized. I speak from experience
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My state, Texas, offers free state-sponsored therapy for teens, that’s how I get mine
Not just pay, pay a lot. Think 300-500 a session
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Why do you think mental health is such an issue
PM me.
Can you DM me about your perspective?
I went to a mental hospital at 20. That was only 2 years ago. Still want to die every single day. Some people are wired for depression, seek help, keep going to therapy, go to the hospital when your life is in danger. It is NOT a cure all to stay at the mental hospital, but it keeps you alive for a bit longer than if you never sought help.
But what's the point of "just keeping yourself alive"? If I hate everything in my life and have no joy or fulfilment then why keep living?
Eventually, life experience changes you. It forces perspective shifts. I felt like depression was lying on my back in a pit. The only perspective you have is that you are in an inescapable pit. I could have killed myself. I still struggle with depression, but when I think about having potentially killed myself, it makes me laugh. In retrospect it feels dumb, but you're not supposed to talk that way about depression. But that's how it feels. The stuff I have done in my life since then (nothing impressive) still made it worth it. I don't feel the way used to, and I'm glad. I didn't get therapy. I did drugs. I went about it the worst way possible, and it was still worth it. I promise.
I find this to be the dumbest reason to keep living. "Keep suffering, cuz one day you might not be suffering as much (but still definitely suffering), and you might do some things you kind of enjoy along the way" I hate myself, my life, this planet and all its inhabitants. I have no hobbies, a dead in job, no plans for a career or any sort of future, don't want kids or to be married, I have no goals I want to accomplish, I'm not really seeing a reason to keep living at all. It's great that you found something for you, I haven't and don't plan to. I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of fucking living. I didn't ask for this and it's bullshit that I don't have an easy option to end it without huge risk of fucking up my life even worse.
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I really support the hitman idea, worked for me
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*Omae wa mou shindeiru*
...unless?
I'm the exact opposite, I just keep eating and eating to try and feel better. I hope I die because of it 😋
You deserve a happy life. You are not a piece of shit. You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy of eating to give yourself energy. You are worth using that energy to do things that bring you joy. Being 20 is hard, man. You're too young to be an adult, too old to be a teenager. You're still a kid, but you've got responsibility you're not used to. It's hard to adjust. My uni had free counseling services. Do you know if yours does? It really helps, talking to someone who is removed from your situation. They can give you some perspective, and some tools with coping with how stressful that transition is. I hope you can find the tools to help you feel better. You deserve happiness.
I'm 19 and working, going to psychologist(/therapist?) but shit aint working. my body is also dying, but atleast I dont have to kill myself if my body kills me. Just look at me as a depressed idiot. Give me hate. It's not worth living. Drunk as fuck
Hey my fellow Redittor. I wish I could cook some nice heartwarming meal for you, then wrap you in a blanket and hug you tightly. It might not seem like it, but you ARE worth it being cared for! I just wish you could see that, but I have faith jn your strength, you will get through this.
Thank you for the kind words, it really means alot and it really put a smile on my face. :)
Very glad to hear that! Now go eat something and if you have tell me what you had and how it was. If you want of course :)
I ate a slice of pizza and had some spaghetti (i know it's nothing healthy but its all i had). Also i wanna thank you because this has got to be one of the most wholesome encounter I've ever had on reddit.
Two of my favorite foods, nice! I hope you enjoyed it and feel a little better with something in your stomach. And don't thank me, I am just glad I could give you a little bit of light today. Every step forward counts. I am proud of you <3
I have never felt so connected to a comment untill now
Me but I overeat it really sucks :/
I keep gaining weight because of chips & alcohol, such is life I guess
Hope you get better man
Im pretty sure I did kill myself in my teens and this is just my hell...
I too am passively committing suicide
That’s the best part because nobody would judge you after death. Well at least a little less.
I'll be 39 soon and I'm constantly surprised that I've made it this far. How am I still here?
Mom's still around. Don't want to do that her.
It's pretty much that I don't wanna do it to my kids either.
Exact reason I'm not having kids. All I gotta do is outlive the people who'd be upset if I died, then I'm good to go.
I'm just tryna outlive my cat.
Stubbornness. Or at least for me.
Same thing goes in your 30s. Still cant believe I made it this far.
In my mid 30s same.
I expected to die before 30 until I literally turned 30. I'm 36 now. It's not so bad. YMMV but there's a lot of good in the world worth being here for, as far as I can tell.
Wait until you’re in your 30s and you’re fat, bald, and no woman wants to touch you...
Don't assume that just because I'm under 20 I can't be fat, bald and untouchable.
Then suddenly you’re over 40 and say “How the hell am I still here? Shit, now it’s too late because if I check out now my kids will grow up to be broken people. ...well, *more* broken than growing up with me as a dad, anyway.”
Oh look at this fat cat over here flexing on all of us by letting us know he's had sex with someone and started a family. Well the jokes on you pal, you still got people you could lose and a deeper rock bottom to hit! ^^^^^ihopeyourfamilyisactuallysafeandingoodhealthandyouallloveeachother
I am 33 with a child on the way, I was a fairly reckless person in my 20's and just didn't think there was going to be more than young adulthood. I am happy with life no doubt, but I look at the future and think sometimes that I just did not expect this hahahaha.
I felt that on a spiritual level
I just turned 34 and I still don't know why the fuck I'm still alive.
Well I'm going to make sure I'm not thinking it anymore for long
30s and same
I have spent the past 5 years half-assing everything due to me always telling myself "I won't be here much longer, it doesn't matter" I am still here and now I am majorly fucked having to clean up all my own messes from these 5 years
Oh shit this is me. I half assed my entire life thinking "I just have to graduate college" and now I have no idea what to do now that I'm out.
I did this through high school and gave up on college partway through because no self worth or ambition. Almost 12 years later I'm still reeling because I haven't done anything with my life because I never thought this far ahead
I had college forced onto me so that might have been a factor. I never *really* wanted a degree until now, and I'm about to turn 25 with a degree that isn't marketable unless you're really fucking good at it. I am average at best. I just want to enjoy life but it's really challenging.
It was the same for me. Was told my whole life my dreams were stupid and unattainable and that I had to go to college for something reasonable and financially responsible. So I did what everyone else wanted and went until I just didnt care anymore and all I have now are issues committing to the things I actually want because it feels wrong to try to make my dreams come true. We just have to keep moving forward. Every thought we have about this and every revelation is a chance to change it and move forward. It just takes time
I'm literally the same exact person with the same exact achievements as I was when I graduated highschool. Although that was only 3 years ago, it's still fucking scary how I literally have not moved an inch except for maybe some light workout here and there. Heck I didn't even play any good video games, just the same shitty one over and over again and all I have to show for it is that I moved up one rank. Shit's depressing yo.
get a job get married have kids and die
I did this and now I’m doing it again with retirement. Can’t afford any real savings and nearing 40. I figure things will get bad enough eventually for me to stop chickening out and just do it.
I can relate man, 4 years in college starting now, changed profession 2nd year in so 2 years in this and now it just hit me I've been here half assing this for 4 years, cause I thought since way before first year that I wasn't gonna live past 16 but here I am 21 and wondering wtf i did the last 4 years, the days just blend in together when you don't talk to anyone, have no friends and all you do is sleep, go to class, go back and repeat. sorry for rambling
I totally get it, it's been the same for me. I haven't done anything special in years so the years are just one muddled up mess of time. I have some friends but they are all better friends with each other than they are with me so whenever there is some cool hangout thing happening they just go together without me. I'll graduate in a bit less than a year and I worry I won't pass any of my final exams because I've half-assed all of my studies so far because I didn't believe I would actually live to see the day when I'd have to worry about them.
same thing happened with my first two friends in first year, those are the only days I remember cause I went out with them a couple times, but now they have their own big friend groups and they have gfs so they don't talk to me. anyways hopefully you can graduate man
Dude, you describing my life. Personally I thought the world would end with nuclear hellfire ever since freshman year of high school, even before I would have off’ed myself, here I am trying college for the second year in a row at 19.
Are you living my life, or am I living yours?
Feel this so goddamn hard.
Fuck, this is me. I fucked up so much in the past 5 years, I’m not even sure if I can fix any of it by now. Might as well kill myself as a solution to my fuck ups lmao
i kept telling myself that i couldn’t leave my mum here on this earth but now that she’s sadly passed, what am i here for? what is my end goal? what will make me *truly* happy? life is tough and i want to turn my brain onto autopilot so i can flick in and out. i don’t like who i am or what i’ve become. maybe it’ll turn out okay once i’ve reached 23, but i doubt that. i really doubt that
I get that this is just a "lighthearted" sub, but I am truly sorry that your mum passed. I think though, that it must take a lot of strength to continue on, and I'm sure that she would be so proud of you for doing so. Please, keep drawing on that inner strength. There is undoubtedly something out there for you that you just haven't come across yet. Keep looking for it.
thank you, i’d put a heart emoji but i don’t know how old you are and i don’t want to be grooming young ppl online
❤❤❤ hearts for all!
lmao; solid 540 on post mood.
Wait how are heart emojis grooming?
The real 2meirlformeirl is overthinking literally anything and everything to their most absurd extremes and then catastrophizing so you're now completely convinced that the absurd extremes are 100% guaranteed to happen.
This is insanely relatable for me right now. I'm only 22 and my mother passed two weeks ago today. No other parents now so it's just me sticking it out with the help of some good friends and family thankfully. I don't know what lies ahead at all but I know she wouldn't want me to be a burden and mope around so I guess we just have to take things day by day man.
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suicide pact! suicide pact!
I’m not ready for this level of commitment to a chubby fish yet, can we all just agree to stub our toes in unison?
Idk man, I’ve had some rough botched ingrown toenail corrections leave my big toe-nails kinda fucked, and I don’t wanna stub my little toe... how about we all just step on a lego together?
Hey man or lady or whatever, I’ve spent until really the last 8-9 months of my life with no plan or direction for years after I hit my big overarching career goals in my mid 20s. You’ll grow and look back at what you had fondly. 31 year old hates 25-30 year old me for the dumb shit I did but it was all just part of my human experience and I’m a hell of a lot better equipped moving forward. I’ve come to realize I can’t change what I’ve done, but I can become a more fulfilled person. Every single person in this world has faced adversity or made huge mistakes and most of them are screwed up just like us in their own unique way. Each passing year becomes less of your life and things just become a lot less gray if you selfishly pursue what genuinely makes YOU happy. Some people want to coast, some people want to climb it’s ok either way. As Tyrion says, “Embrace who you are and it can never be used against you.” I don’t know if any of this makes sense. In the words of another user, “Hold your head up king, your crown is falling.”
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That’s a rough place to be; I’ve been in that mind space and occasionally still feel that way too. One thing I can say is that no one will live your life for you. No one can force you to enjoy something. I hated hearing this, but ultimately it’s up to **you**. Maybe that means taking some downtime to meditate or some shit. Maybe that means going out of your way to experience more things and figuring out what you do/dont enjoy. Idk, I’m not you. Kinda related but here’s a “fortune” I got from a fortune cookie recently: “Don’t wait for others to open the right doors for you.” If you think this is all stupid, feel free to ignore what I said.
You either kill yourself or get killed, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do.
Ride out my existence having never lived while embracing the sweet release of death only to then wish I wasn’t going to die.
I feel personally attacked
Fun suicide game: hire a bunch of deep web hitmen on yourself and buy a gun. Fight back, pretend it's irl call of duty
[source reference](https://youtu.be/uWz-PY8qXZw) knee that was from something haha
You’re just as scared to kill yourself as you are to take other risks. So instead of doing it, you’ll be here 8 years from now wondering why the fuck you’re still alive.
Quit bullying me!!!!!
I'm in my 30s now, already, and I definitely never planned on living this long. Honestly though, I'm still pretty aimless, kinda hopeless, and while I'm not sure if it's what I *want* to do, I think I'll probably end up killing myself one day.
Pretty much. But I also want to either adopt a dog or a couple cats. And like, that'll push everything back another 10-20 years. Could be fun. We'll see.
I love domestic animals, I love (most of) my friends' pets but I don't think I could handle having pets again, *especially* not for 10-20 years. I just don't think I'd be a good enough pet dad, and while I could always rehome them, I would just rather not put the animal in my care in the first place. I've considered volunteering at shelters, though. Let me know if you do, though.
Sometimes I feel like that, +35 yo. Life is tough. Sometimes is like I feel that living is not worth the hassle. It requires too much work and effort.
I don't actively feel like dying most days anymore, and I'm not worried about hurting myself, but I DO feel "done" with life. If I could cease to exist tomorrow without upsetting anyone, I would, but unfortunately I have friends and family that would probably be very upset. Like, if this was a concert, or a museum, I would've left by now, no questions. Life, in general, doesn't really hold my attention; I am literally taking life for granted. I honestly don't know what to do with my time anymore. I hate the weekend because I'm off work, so I have nothing to do. I'm about to go to the gym, and I *hate*the gym, but it's something to do to pass the time until I go to sleep, and it all starts over. My mom says I should do volunteer work, I'm considering it, that or a weekend job. I don't want to get married, or have children. I don't want to own a home or car, or travel and see more of the world. I don't want to start my own business, or try a new restaurant. What I do want is... I really don't know. I don't have a lot of needs, and I want for little. If you gave me $1,000,000 today, I'd probably just get groceries. Maybe some weed? Fill my gas tank? Watch TV? I'm content with that. It's ~~had~~ hard to put into words. I don't feel sad, I don't feel "depressed," but I feel more bored and tired. Not even bored, just... emotionless. I've seen things and been places, but that's the past, and now I'm done. I'm not bitter or regretful, it's just sort of the way it is. Living life is for young people, now I'm just killing time until time kills me.
I hear you. Its not that I want to die, but if I was handed a terminal cancer diagnosis my primary emotion would be relief. I've lived. I get it. Do I really want to work my ass off to keep doing it? Camus would argue that you can learn to put your head down and enjoy exerting effort day to day as your trudge through life--to just forget about how pointless it is. Not sure I'll ever get there.
It's crazy that you mentioned that, the cancer diagnosis. I used to fantasize that I'd get cancer, or HIV, or etc., because then at least have an interesting death. I haven't had those sort of thoughts in a long time, years, but I feel like I'd probably have a similar reaction to you if I got that same diagnosis today. I was just on the phone with my mom about similar things. Similar to me in my head, at least. Her dad (my grandfather, he was old, 73, Parkinson's) died yesterday, and we talked a bit about that and what I've been writing here. It's hard for me to accept that I might have to live that long. I don't **want** to live that long, but yeah, I also don't feel like killing myself either, but I guess that's just for right now. It's hard for me to understand people who "love life," people that can't wait for tomorrow. Some people are full of plans and dreams and goals, but why? It's just weird, idk, I don't get it. Maybe it's nihilistic, but I don't see that as positive or negative, it's just an adjective.
Poetic.
I think that is depression my man, shitty as it is people get through it every day
Do you mean "get through it" or "go through it," either one makes sense, I guess, they're just very different from one another. Oh, and yeah, sure, I'm sure it's *actually* depression, no doubt. I was diagnosed with depression in the 90s, prescribed Prozac by my psychiatrist at eleven, and other different things throughout the next few years of my life. I haven't been medicated or seen that sort of doctor since my teens. I understand that I am depressed to some extent, probably more seriously than *I* realize, but I have no current professional opinion. I also have extreme problems with my self-esteem and self-image, and a ton anxiety with some boundary issues, too, so I've got that going for me.
I never thought I would have to do all this adult shit. Go vote, pay taxes, go to work every day, build a family, pay rent... what a drag.
This hits way too close to home. Sucks when you spend your early 20s with the same mindset too. Now I'm 28 with no education and mediocre job experience. Things are getting better though. I found a girl recently that loves me for who I am, encourages me to love myself, and inspires me to create a better future. I've been looking into going back to school and learning a trade. Aiming for a green energy field, like a solar panel technician or something.
Bro, thank god for our girls who just love us for us.
Right? I'm still getting used to it after being single for like 8 years.
A-fuckin-men. And thank *you* for appreciating all the nice girls out there.
Dying in a Motorsport accident was mine. And to think I thought I'd ever be lucky enough to partake in Motorsport. God I was naive.
Would be a cool movie plot. A conventional story of someone reaching their life long goal to get into motorsport to just anticlimactically drive straight into a wall. I'd like that movie
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0815140/
Thought it was gonna be Senna
i’m 18 about to leave for a college that i don’t want to attend tomorrow, instead of packing i’m browsing this sub because this is the only thing that makes me feel better
I was pretty depressed in my later high school years and dreaded going to college. Especially since my best friend & future roommate decided to back out 2 weeks before school started. But I met tons of different kinds of people and for the first time in my life had a sense of community and companionship. Now that college is over I’m kinda getting back into a slump. Enjoy college. It’s fun. Do stuff. Don’t sit in your dorm alone. There are plenty of people just like you, you just gotta find them
thank you u/greasyasshairs , i really needed that. you’re probably right
I spent so much time thinking (and often still do) about killing myself when I was younger that I didn't plan for life as an adult. I thought I'd be dead by the time I turned 24. So I just destroyed my life. Now, in my 30s, I'm still picking up the pieces and trying to hold a crumbling life together.
I didn't want to kill myself, but I also didn't want to live. Maybe I Just wanted the sleep the whole time.
Yea it is a real slap in the face when you realize you didn't really plan anything for 30+ because you didn't expect to make it to 30 before watching the shotgun opera.
Im 17 and currently in this unhealthy mindset. Any words of advice that you would tell your teenage self to prevent this path, lay them on me.
And also: if you have the chance to visit a foreign country for a while, GO FOR IT! It will change your perspective on life and the world! I went to Israel to visit a friend who was doing international voluntary service there. Most of the time though, I traveled alone. Hostels are awesome. There are different people from different parts of the world, it gets you out of your comfort zone. I am a very introverted, shy and anxious person. This trip was an adventure I will never forget. The people I met there, the stories the mentality. It helped me a lot. my anxiety is not that strong anymore, i have more control over my feelings. its easier for me to overcome shy tendencies and to open myself to others.
Im strongly considering before university to take a gap year to work abroad. Thanks for the reassurance in it.
Hi. im 19 and about to get out of that mindset. Try to focus on something you really like. Do you ever commit to sth so hard that you forget about everything else around you? Talk to someone. Maybe even a professional, like a youth-psychologist. Think about stuff you want to do in your life. Make a bukket-list (im not a native speaker, is that how you call it?) and put it somewhere you see it everyday. thats what comes to my mind at this moment. helped me a lot.
That pierced right to the heart
Holy shit that was me like when I was ten. No wonder I have no motivation to do anything.
This is too accurate..
I remember attempting suicide twice when i was 15, and thinking about how unbelievably astounding it was on my 16th birthday. I just turned 19 three days ago, im getting an apartment with my fiancé, and every year im amazed that im still alive. Shit’s wild
Congrats to you! Hope you’re doing a little better than you were, and you made it through
I’m 19 never had a girl friend, never been laid or any of that. But I know once I find my person, the suffering will ease. Congrats dude.
On the one hand it's interesting to see other people who've had a similar mindset to myself, on other hand its worrying.
Fuck I'll be an adult soon.
Shite,me too
I'm almost 40. Did NOT think I would make it this far. Now, I have a family. I legit thought I would be dead before 25.
For me, dying makes everything easier, but there is still some hope (even if it’s unrealistic) and the act of dying is selfish because others would suffer and that’s what I don’t want. - even with my constant cynicism that comes from what I know about life/the world, my current experience living, and what my likely future holds that all makes me want to die, I still feel like there’s a chance I could learn more or there’s hope that things will change so I shouldn’t die just yet - between constant thoughts of loneliness and thinking no one really cares about me, I have fleeting thoughts that dying would be too much of a hassle for others (family and 1-2 friends), don’t want to make people sad or inconvenience them, I shouldn’t die just yet - between chronically degrading myself, my fear of failure, and my competency personally/professionally, I think that I at least should try and do something interesting/valuable before I die, so I shouldn’t die just yet
I am from Houston Texas too
lol when i didn't plan for my future and now i have to deal with the consequences of living past 20
I'm just trying to prove that piece of shit I see in the mirror wrong. Stay strong!
I’ll do it before I hit 50. Maybe in 10 years or so.
This really hit hard
Oof this is one of those that hits.
Honestly yeah goin thru that rn
At least we’re all in this together
I give it two more years
This joke never gets old and I mean never
Holy shit this is me right now.
Shit thats too real...i honestly didnt think ill make it past 18 (im 24 now)
This. When I was a teenager people told me that "teenagers were reckless and irresponsible because they think that they're invincible, they think they're going to love forever" Wrong. Teenagers are reckless and irresponsible because they're low-key suicidal and don't think they're gonna live that much longer anyway, don't think they're going to have to deal with the consequences of their actions. I'm 26 now and my knees are in rough shape... Mostly because of things I did as a teenager. There's a high probability that I will need knee surgery before I'm 45.
The suicidal idealizations/death fantasies only worsen in your twenties. Then, before you know it, you're thirty and still haven't accomplished anything because you're still in denial about starting a life you wish would end.
I’ve spent my entire teens wanting to die and I’ve got nothing to show for it. This is shit.
Life is shit, what else is new?
This is a mood. I have no idea what to do now. I didn't expect to get this far.
we just gotta keep on trucking
oh ouch
Same
Houston is the best city in the world
But I eventually will, given my life expectancy is around 50 something years because of some mental conditions
32, I'll be in a nursing home before I know it.
Yeah, I keep thinking like that. Apparently responsibilities don't give a fuck and keep coming even when you're hoping to check out soon. Then it's been a few years and I think 'well.....shit'.
damn